by The Cubs Fan
OnlineOnslaught.com/TheCubsFan.com 

TV PG DV CC Entertainment open fireworks hype

René Duprée (Paris, France, 267 pounds, w/no one) vs the Hurricane (215 pounds, also w/no one) - Did Coach just quote Nick Bakay? On purpose? What an odd way to open. 267 pounds? Should that be 121 kg anyway, or have we given up on those kind of things? Your announcers are Al and Coach, and they can't wait till Survivor Series. The worst part about giving announcers angles is that becomes way more important to them than to the fans. Al goes on a thirty second rant about the beatdown Coach is going to put on Coach, ending with Coach and Al discussing Coach's soupbones. Hey, Hurricane didn't give out a mask? USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA [Hurricane goes to the second rope to encourage it, and the fans - cheer Hurricane and then stop chanting. Oops.] Lockup, René pushes Hurricane down and is happy about it. In a manly French way. Lockup, NO Hurricane ducks under, inside cradle one two no. Both are up, René starts to charge Hurricane, Hurricane does the Hurripose, René stops charging (what) to point out how silly that looks, René resume charging and takes an armdrag. Armdrag, armbar, René backs up to the ropes and shoots Hurricane off, Hurricane ducks the clothesline, armdrag, armbar. René reverses to a corner whip, Hurricane with the WOW crossbody one two NO. Armbar, René reaching for the ropes (really doesn't like being in armbars, I guess - he's tried to get out of every one of 'em in the first seconds they've been on), Hurricane holds him short, so René drops down, drop toe hold, driving Hurricane into the middle rope. René: "VIVA LA RESISTANCE!" Sample of Al's mood: "Why do we have a match here tonight? We should just talk." Coach: "No one wants to hear you talk that much." René picks Hurricane up and puts him in the corner, snap mare out, running neck snap. Al's going over René's stats, which leads to a "how would René do as a single?" which leads to Sylvain worrying. They do note he's out injured, and Al points out that he hasn't even been seen lately. Punches, choke on the middle rope by René. Al: "It saddens me that you have that little of a life that you wonder all day long about how well René Duprée would do in a singles match." Coach: "It is called preparation! It is called getting ready for a show!" What the - you aren't Josh! René with a whip, sharp back elbow. Pose. Knee drop to the head. One two no. Chinlock with a knee to the back. René: "USA Sucks!" While arguing over that quality of that last cover, Coach points out that he's 3-1 so far. Hurricane elbowing out, one forearm to the back stops that. René tries a suplex, Hurricane behind, Eye of the Hurricane! (Coach calls it! Al: "And what color is that eye? Brown" Coach: "I have no idea!") Hurricane hurting but about to rally. Duck the clothesline, leaping lariat, leaping lariat. Whip, reversed, hiptoss by René blocked, Hurricane reveres to a swinging neckbreaker one tow no. Hurricane picks up René and gets a punch to the throat for his trouble. Hurricane reels, René charges, Hurricane backdrops him to the floor. Hurricane to the apron, calling for it, top rope plancha suicida! Hurricane is pumped. René thrown in, going to the second rope, Coach: "Calling for a little dipsy doo, scrub aroo!" (or perhaps the Overcast - I think Coach likes college basketball), but René stops him with a forearm. UP to going him, but Hurricane knocks him back with right hands. Hurricane back up again - I guess I could believe that's a flying axhandle caught by René but it's still lame. René turning it into a Northern Lights Suplex is not - one two NO. Al called that move, which annoyed Coach. Al: "I didn't want to hear it called 'what a move!'" He's got history with Northern Lights moves, you know. Hurricane retreats to the corner, René charges into an elbow, Hurricane to the second rope, Overcast hits! (No one calls it because Coach is bitter that Al made fun of him and neither really knows it's the Overcast to begin with.) That leaves René in position for the Shining Wizard - ducked, René with an inside cradle, hook the middle rope, one two three. (5:19) Hebner had to give a lot of effort to be in position to make that count and not see the ropes. I guess René doesn't have an actually finisher?

Later: Rosey vs Rob Conway
Later: Gail Kim vs Jacqueline

WM Recall - the same Andre choking Uecker bit we showed before. Why did they make like 10 of these?

Suckup Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, NY, 252 pounds, wearing a LeBron James jersey) vs Some Black Guy Who Is Not LeBron (already in the ring) - oh wow, LeBron James happens to be in the arena tonight too! And he's got the same seats! And it's really the same taping and they're pretty laughable trying to pretend it's not! Bottom Line plug. Fink gives the local guy a "Um, what's your name again? Ooops, too late now" look. We get a shot of LeBron, sending Coach and Al off into jealousness. Not from the camera time, from the money. Coach: "As long as he don't pull a Kobe." Did they say the guy's name was "Phil Bob Kanoosh"? That would appear to be a stage name people might have made up to entertain themselves. Al notes that Tommy has new pants "with the brown nosing jersey." Tommy took the guy outside, is he going to take him over to LeBron to suck up more? HE IS. Well forget this. Al: "Like LeBron needs love. He can BUY a lot of love. Lots of love. You could go down to the street and find love for $10, and at a $150 million, that's a whole lot of love!" 'Phil' rips off the jersey and chokes Dreamer with it to get the heel heat. He wipes his nose on it! LeBron is cracking him up. Al points out that LeBron doesn't have to beat him down, LeBron could pay someone to do it. Why is Dreamer wearing gloves? Why is the referee letting Dreamer use the shirt for a swinging neckbreaker? DDT finally? Yay. (3:08) Dreamer puts back on his jersey. Cane shot for 'Phil'. Cane is handed to a kid sitting with LeBron. Coach: "And the kissing up continues. I'll tell you what, LeBron's girl isn't bad." Watch yourself, Coach. I want to say the jobber was someone we last saw as "Rude", but I could be wrong. Doesn't matter.

WWE Raw Live footage.

Survivor Series
- "Build a Bridge" by Limp Bizkit
- Goldberg (c) vs Triple H (Coach: "the rightful owner of that title) for the World Title
- Lita vs Molly Holly (c) for the Women's Championship
- Kane vs Shane McMahon in an ambulance match
- Stone Cold's Team vs Bischoff's Team

which takes us back to RAW (3:35)

And now, here's the complete graphic for both teams. Coach: "Austin's a shadow of what he used to be." Al: "Either way, you're going to get your ass kicked at Survivor Series!" Coach: "Whatever! I got a plan ready, just watch." I bet it involves running.

Next: Gail Kim vs Jacqueline

SmackDown Bring the Beatdown on Lita of Monday. JR: "This could very well have been a setup"

Gail Kim (no hometown! boooo) vs Jacqueline (Dallas, TX) - Al: "Well, GEE, thanks JR, for what an insightful comment that was! Wow. Regular Sherlock Holmes! Do you think it was a set up? I don't know, is Gail normally in the audience? with a wrench? " Hahahaha he's so fired hahahaha I'll miss him. Al: "I guess Jerry Lawler's the Watson to his Sherlock Holmes." Al also changes the Snickers tag line to "Are you hungry? Grab a Snickers! Or grab a clue!" Al thinks JR is a regular CSI! Nick? You know, I want to give this match the full respect it deserves, and I also want to say "Gee, I wonder how long till Gail takes the Clothesline From Hell." You can understand the conflict. This is Gail's Heat debut, and one has to figure that if she's around for any length of time, it won't be the last time we see this match. Al to Miss Jackie: "Careful, don't bounce too much, you might get a couple black eyes." Gail shoves Jackie down! Pose! She's obviously new here. While Al tells a story about Jackie breaking the ribs of a 270lb guy, Jackie gets up and socks Gail one. Right, right, whip, flapjack! Standing heel kick to the midsection knocks Gail to the apron, sliding dropkick takes Gail the rest of the way to the floor. Jackie's a black belt in Tae Kwan Do, you know. Jackie throws Gail back in, Gail tries a kick, Jackie catches it, scolds Gail, and clotheslines the heck out of Gail Kim. That's like .75 of the one on Taylor (needs more neckbreaking action.) Corner punches, one two three four - Gail powerbombs her off the second rope, foot on the ropes, one two no. That was not the best foot on the ropes bit. Forearms to the back by Gail, keeping Jackie grounded. Gail is happy, and happy with her body. That seems fair. right. Choke on the middle rope. Choke on the top rope. Gail disappoint me for not going of the bottom rope choke, instead driving her knee into the back of Jackie's head, and Jackie's head into the ground. One two no. We're going back to the "Austin made himself (in '98) at HBK's expense, and Austin was responsible for putting HBK out of action" story. Gail stomps. Corner whip, shoulder to the midsection, corner whip, charge right into a double boot. Gail out with another big clothesline, followed by a very much not good one, spinning leg sweep to finish! one two NO. That was a nice sweep. Gail with a knee to stop Jackie, but ends up walking into a flapjack onto the top rope one two no. Corner whip, reversed, Jackie kips up and out, Gail turns and hits a dropkick - to the shin. Al is nice and calls it "knee". Gail with the - what in the world is she going for? Stretch Muffler with a (reverse?) figure four sleeper? I saw this in a couple Santo matches and had no idea what to call it then, but I think Al knows. Jackie knows it hurts, and that's good enough for her. (2:48) Wacky lucha submissions rule! Fans are completely confused to what happened there.

In the back, Hurricane is going over his match in his mind? Here's Rosey to worry: "Hurricane! Man, what am I supposed to do tonight with my match and Rob Conway, if my mentor, you, got beat?" "Beat? Me, beat, the Hurricane, beat? No, no, no, young Roosevelt, if you never learn anything from me ever again, learn this. I may lose matches, I've lost before, I'll lose again, but the Hurricane will never be beaten! Take me down, I will rise back up again, but the Hurricane will never be beaten! Take me down, I'll rise back up! I will always fly again! And you, young Rosey, the Super Hero In Training that you are, you go out there and show Rob Conway that you to have Super Powers too, biiiiiatch!" "Hurricane, you can definitely count on me, because I am the S.H.I.T, boyeeeeeeeeeeee!" Hey, he can fly! They use a B-51 sound effect for him. "And should evil once come in to play, the Hurricane will be there to save the day."

Tonight: Rosey vs Rob Conway
Next: Austin has a differing view of physical provocation.

JVC [bleep] of Monday

Announcers talk about "Shawn Michaels having the BIGGEST challenge of his career", but they mean that Mark is fat. Fatter than Vader? Eh. Crowd is digging chanting "YOU SUCK".

Special Enforcer Steve Austin (6:38)
Raw: Goldberg vs Batista

Next: Rosey vs Rob Conway

RAW Live
Monday - Boston, MA [RAW]
Next Sunday - Dallas, TX [PPV]
Next Monday - Beaumont, TX [RAW]
Next Friday - Detroit, MI 
Next Saturday - Tacoma, WA [that's quite a trip between shows]

Rosey (350 pounds) vs Rob Conway (Louisville, KY, 231 pounds) - Al's current favorite X-Box game may be "Simpson's Hit and Run", which I can totally see. Hey, Rob has La Resistance stuff! Good for him. Lockup, no Rob ducks under, right, right, right, right, shoved down. Rob up and charging right into a choke, and tossed in the corner. Rosey tries a right, ducked, Rob right, right, right, right, kick, up to the second rope to choke, Rosey pushes him off. Rob charges the corner and gets a clothesline. Forearm to the back. Whip, shoulderblock, pose, off the ropes, over, hiptoss blocked and Rosey hits his own. Conway retreats to the corner and gets squashed. Big open hand slap. Corner whip, charge, and Rosey his the post. While Rosey is stuck there, Rob goes to the apron and boots Rosey's head into the post. Forearm. Dropkick, one two no. Rob with a right, right, forearm, neck vice. The power of the neck vice draws René Duprée back out to watch this - Coach says Rob is his protégé. Rob working over Rosey's back with elbow smashes. HE TOOK OFF THE MASK! UN FOUL! You wouldn't believe me, but under the mask, it's - JAMAL! No I made that up. Rob puts on the mask, but upside so it doesn't fit, looks stupid and gives Al a chance to mock him. Rob goes back to Rosey, and walks right into a sidewalk slam. Rosey winning the punches, Whip, backdrop. Full bodyslam. 747 Legdrop - wait, no, he's distracted by Dupree swinging the flag at him from the apron - it came with yards of hitting him! Charles Robinson goes to remove the extra Frenchman from ringside, pushing him to the floor and up the ramp. Rob with an eye poke, right, right, whip, reversed into a fireman's carry, hey, here's the Hurricane, there's the tag finisher (fireman's carry/reverse neckbreaker). Hurricane dives out of sight, Charles spots Rosey covering and races back one two three (3:18) Rosey celebrates AND gets his mask back.

RAW: Golderg vs Batista!
Everyone poses
That's it.

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The Cubs Fan watches way too much watching television - you can read more
of his overly detailed rambling reports at www.thecubsfan.com 

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