by The Cubs Fan
OnlineOnslaught.com/TheCubsFan.com 

Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) vs Heat GM Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 230 pounds) - your announcers on Heat #304 are once again Al and Coach - Coach says Al looks good after having some time off, and Al says Coach looks good considering he got beat up by the Rock and Eugene, which Coach is in no mood to talk about. Once we go back to the voice over track, Coach threatens to walk out if they dare show the segment from RAW. "You'd have to do this show all by yourself!" "And I think the fans would love it!" Steven's back to wearing Crash-style StevieCorp shorts; these look better than the older ones. Coach yells at scheduling people for putting RAW two hours away from LA and the Rock. Circle. Lockup, Rhyno armbar, twist, Steven grabs the ropes. Lots of boos for some reason. Steven shoves Rhyno and talks trash. SLAP! PUNCH the other way. Whip, clothesline, corner whip, backdrop. Someone stole Steven's Gameboy Advanced! That's harsh. I lost mine this week but found it today. I hope Steven finds his. Anyway, Rhyno's calling for the Gore but not this soon - Steven sees it, takes off out of the ring, leads a chase around the ring, back in the ring, off the ropes and Rhyno runs him over with a shoulderblock, one two no. Steven scoots back out, Rhyno after him again, Steven stops and drop toe holds Rhyno into the steps. Steven dives back in, trying for the Demott strategy of winning by countout. One two three four five six seven EIGHT NINE no! Steven can't believe it. Stomps. Coach: "I'm a jack of all trades." Al: "Jack!" Reverse neckbreaker, one two NO. Coach: "now that Steven Richards, apparently, has gotten over the loss of Victoria." I'm seriously starting to believe there's a third RAW brand show I don't know of where all sorts of things happen they just hint at on Heat - like Steven breaking up with Victoria but then getting over it and Christian saying "what up BRO" to Edge and so on. Coach poses the eternal "What's more important - Victoria or the Gameboy?" question and I'm so deep in thought I almost miss Steven doing the yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa suplex. One two no. Chinlock. Rhyno battling up, elbows, out into a side belly to belly suplex. Coach complains about Al calling the moves. Both down - one two three four five six seven eight nine both up. Steven clotheslines miss, Rhyno with a waistlock, Steven back elbows out, off the ropes, into a Rhyno powerslam. Delayed cover one two no. Corner whip, Rhyno charges into a big boot. Kick, double underhook, but Rhyno's blocking the SteVieT. Steven tries to forearm him in control and ends up grabbing his own back. Steven charges into a back elbow, Rhyno misses a clothesline but Steven charges again and takes the Concrete Crunch. Fans know it before he even gets to the corner. Rhyno sets up. GORE. One two three. (5:05)

Tonight: the Hurricane vs Garrison Cade
Next: the Coach and Eugene share a moment - with the Rock

Coach thought it was time to bring Eugene back to reality. (8:31) Coach promises payback for the Rock (if he ever shows up again) and Eugene
Tonight: the Hurricane vs Garrison Cade, where the Hurricane will play the part of a retard.  
Next: La Resistance

YJ That's ENOUGH THAT'S ENOUGH of Monday

La Resistance (Quebec City, QC, 502 pounds) vs Aaron Aguilera & Chad Wicks (451 pounds, already in the ring) - This is a slight step down from beating Ryu Taguchi. Coach: "You've got to be one of the bigger doofs I've met in my entire life." Al: "Oh, I'm sure you've met bigger." Sylvan and Aaron start off. Lockup, Grenier with an armbar, into a headlock. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Circle. Coach: "Eugene couldn't beat me, are you serious?" Uh oh, I see PPV match. Lockup, Aaron with a waistlock, headlock, shot off, Grenier leapfrog, Grenier leapfrog (Aaron's kinda tall and he barely makes it this time), Grenier hiptoss blocked, Aaron's is not. Scoop, spinning around and slam. I think Al is making Skinner jokes. Aaron talks trash and gets forearmed from behind. Chad comes in to argue, which just allows Grenier to drag Aaron to the corner and tag Conway in. Stomps. Whip, back elbow. Crowd starts chanting Eugene at Conway, which causes Conway to glare at the crowd, which causes them chant MORE, and it's just a vicious cycle. This is one of those "Sixty Minutes Dedicated To the Coach's Angle" weeks, helped by wanting to wait till they show the clips of the #1 Contender Battle Royal before they talk about it, and that's at least one more segment away. Back in the match, Rob takes out his anger on Chad's nose. Chad wants in, which allows both of La Resistance in. Double whip, double kick, double shoved down. Forearm to the back. Tag to Grenier for a kick. Choke on the ropes. Grenier distracts, and Conway gets in a punch of his own. Big right from Grenier. Kick to the back. Kneeling chinlock. Aaron elbowing out, trying to reach for the tag, but Grenier stops him and drops him with a back suplex. Tag to Conway, hold for stomps. Front facelock, Aaron trying to push them both towards his corner, but Conway stops him short and kicks at Chad. Conway lost his leverage by throwing that kick, Aaron back suplex drops Conway on his head. Both men are down, Conway makes the tag, Aaron makes the tag. Wicks with a dropkick for Grenier, Dropkick for Grenier, Forearm, whip, reversed, head down too soon, no Grenier looks back up so Chad can run him over with a jumping shoulderblock. Conway over, but takes the inverted atomic drop/clothesline combination. Grenier with a kick, forearm, whip, quick reversed into a Northern Lights Suplex one two Conway breaks it up, and Aaron nails him with a high boot. Aaron off the ropes, charge and Conway backdrops him out. Wicks tries a suplex on Conway, but Sylvan wakes back up to kick Chad to stop the suplex. Conway lifts Chad up, Grenier grabs the legs, and they do a two men corkscrew DDT. One two three (5:01) New tag finisher, I guess.

Next: #1 Contender Battle Royal

RAW Live
Monday - Rockford, IL [raw]
Wednesday - Dublin, Ireland [tour of defiance]
Thursday - Dublin, Ireland [tour of defiance]
Friday - Manchester, England [tour of defiance]
Saturday - Birmingham, England [tour of defiance]

Announcer set it up the 20 18 man battle royal for a title shot at Badd Blood.

We skip all the way to the final 8, right before Ric Flair is eliminated. And we take a break after Edge gets eliminated? (3:38) It's not like the announcing setup was more than :40 seconds. Awful short segment. That's what happens when you give the Rock and Eugene lots of time.

And the conclusion. (4:20)
Badd Bloodd: Chris Benoit (c) vs Kane for the World Heavyweight Championship - but both Coach and Al feel strongly Benoit will have to defend the title before then - maybe Monday night, maybe Triple H. Hey, it IS the last RAW of sweeps. 

Next: the Hurricane vs Garrison Cade

Subway Tag Team Titles Retained of Monday

the Hurricane (215 pounds) vs Garrison Cade (Austin, TX, 265 pounds) - Coach and Garrison say they have symmetry! I have no idea what that means! Coach has a plan! to outsmart a mentally challenged wrestler. We're starting this a little late but probably just means a shorter match. Al says Garrison HAD a great future in front of him, but now... Lockup, Garrison gets behind Hurricane and pushes him away. Lockup, no, Hurricane slips under, inside cradle one two no. Headlock by Hurricane, shot off, shoulderblock but no one goes down. Garrison encourages him to do it again. Hurricane - poses? and eye pokes! Armbar, crank, crank, armdrag , legdrop on the arm, and now back to the armbar. Cade throws Hurricane out, but Hurricane lands on his feet, and poses behind him. Hurricane armdrag, armdrag, whip, reversed, clothesline is rolled under, Hurricane charges back at him and takes a backdrop to the floor. Garrison brings Hurricane back in as Al fishes in his bag of jokes. "I swear, you're probably the only man alive, where if you were ever to get brain tumor, they'd have to give you enema to get rid of it." "I didn't quite understand that, but I don't think that was a compliment." Back suplex, one two no. Abdominal stretch. Hurricane elbows and eventually elbows out. Hurricane right, right, Cade stops him with a knee. Corner whip, Cade charges into a European Uppercut. Overcast! Coach: "And that was a closed fist flying neckbreaker that's illegal!" Okay. Right, right, right, right, Cade stops him with a kick. Cade off the ropes, into a low leaping lariat from Hurricane. Another leaping lariat - maybe they don't look as impressive because Cade is tall? Whip, reversed, head down too soon and Cade takes a spinning DDT one two NO. Hurricane going up again - and we almost miss the shot of Cade going into the ropes to crotch him. Cade off the ropes, Clothesline From Austin. Not that Austin. "That was reminiscent of Bradshaw!" The Absolute Best Elbow Drop In The Business, Ever connects. One two three. (4:43) Al hates seeing Cade on Heat, because Coach won't shut up

And we're out.

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