by The Cubs Fan
OnlineOnslaught.com/TheCubsFan.com 

All you need to know about TNA in one line: "I tell ya what - you talk about IMPACT - impact heard 'round da world! Impact heard in ova forty-eight hundred million - hundred million countries 'round da world!" (thanks: Scott Christ)

TV PG LV CC entertainment open fireworks

Maven (Charlottesville, VA, 230 pounds) vs Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 230 pounds) - your announcers on this 306th Heat are Coach and Al, who aren't talking. Well, to each other at least - Al won't even turn around and face the ring in protest of Coach, Kane and Eric's actions towards Eugene of Monday. "It's unforgivable! If I wasn't paid to sit here and talk to you, I wouldn't say a word to you." "C'mon Al, give me a hug, give me a hug!" Hey, 230 vs 230 - we'll have none of those post-match complains about weight difference here. Coach regrets...that Eugene didn't get beat up any more. Al says it's as bad as swindling Eugene out of money: "I mean, granted, you make some money, but it's not a challenge." Circle. Lockup, break - because Steven is complaining that Maven's too slippery? What? And they're getting a towel to make Maven wipe himself down? Okay. Of course, when Maven turns to hand the towel back to Jack Doan, Steven punks him out. At least there was a point. Chop. Corner whip, reverse, Steven rebounds into a hiptoss. Al theorizes Steven is upset because Heat's MVP (which would apparently be Maven) was out injured for so long, thus hurting business. Maven MVP shoulderblock, MVP dropkick, Steven rolls to safety to rethink his marketing strategy. Maven follows out, surely to ask to renegotiate, ducks a clothesline and punches Maven on the ramp. Whip, reversed and Maven is run chest first into the barricade. Steven crawls in quickly as Maven has a much more antagonizing trip to the ring, sneaking in at nine. Steven goes to work on the chest with stomps. Stepping on him. Slam. Al informs us Coach has been warned by the boss (Steven Richards) to pay attention to matches that don't involve him. Slam. Double stomp on the chest, one two NO. Knee to the midsection, knee to the midsection, abdominal stretch! But is he near enough to the ropes? Sadly, no, so Steven has to only apply this legally. In for a while, out with a hiptoss. Just wrenched Maven's midsection a little more. Steven goes to pick Maven back up and takes an inverted atomic drop. Steven misses a clothesline, Maven doesn't miss a punch. Maven with a right, right, Steven with a kick to the ribs. Off the ropes, Maven backdrops Steven. Maven's a bit ticked about the rib kicking. Steven grabs the ropes, Maven pulls his legs, Steven tries to hold on the ropes but gets pulled off. I'm sensing a thumbprint on this match. Maven goes back to the clotheslines, not having learned much new in his time off. Slingshot? Give him ten seconds to set it up and sure, plus an inside cradle on the rebound one two no. Maven holding the ribs but going to the middle rope. Time for the bulldog? I still remember that's his move? Maven off the second rope, but Steven turns around and strikes him in the midsection as he comes down. Steven rips off his elbow pad? Making the D-Von Dudley motions? Last rites, I know. While Coach gets the SteeVeeTee confused with the Aaaaaaaplex, Maven slips out for a forward Russian legsweep. One two three (5:07) People are abuzz as Maven gets Jeff Jarrett's finisher the week they get on FSN. Or not.

Tonight: Batista vs Val Venis. Hey, I know who they're booking for this week!

Subway New Tag Champions of Last Monday 

the Hurricane & Rosey (565 pounds) vs Eric and John (441, already in the ring) - Coach talks over the local guys names on purpose! I think. "Your life would be so boring without the Coach in it!" Al's not so sure. Hey, it's Chris K. Al, wanting to be different today, decides Eric is Jack Karloff and John is John Lugosi. I spend the first two minutes looking for the correct way to spell those names and then decide it's yet another Hurricane and Rosey match. Hey, neat torture rack backbreaker. Someone steal that. Hurricane is now using the Eye of the Hurricane as a momentum switcher, which feels weird since he won a bunch of matches with it and now doesn't think about covering. John has the cheapest wrestling gear allowed on this show, and I'm saying that while Rosey is in the ring. I mean, it's probably not as basic as Vince's usual wrestling gear or even as off the rack cheap as it looks but it doesn't look all that special and I dunno if you want to leave people unimpressed. Samoan Drop/Neckbreaker is the finish (Rosey pins John, 4:22) 

WWE announcers SummerSlam in Toronto.

Tonight: Batista vs Val Venis

Eric wanted to take control of RAW! His first step: Randy Orton vs Shelton Benjamin. Well, okay. Randy's gonna bleed from that cut often, I guess. (2:13)
Bad Blood: Randy Orton (c) vs Shelton Benjamin for the IC Title

RAW Live
Monday - Albany, NY [Escape the Rules]
Next Sunday - Columbus, OH [PPV]
Next Monday - Dayton, OH [RAW]
Next Friday - Spartanburg, SC [Escape the Rules]
Next Saturday - North Charleston, SC [Escape the Rules]

RAW Diva Search Ends Tuesday. Look at these photos of people who won't actually be participating!

Rhyno (Detroit, MI , 275) vs Rory McGregor (244 pounds, Scotland) - Different name, different hometown, and it's the lost Headbanger in there. RHYNO RHYNO RHYNO Lockup, Rory with a waistlock, Rhyno standing switch, waistlock takedown, into a front facelock, foot on the bottom rope. Al: "He looks like he's a long lost Headbanger." Under the kilt jokes here. Lockup, no Rory with a kick, Rhyno thrown back by the hair. One two no. Fists to the face. Fans don't appreciate Rory. Waiting for Rhyno t get up, and punching him down one two no. Rhyno's up and he's angry, chop, chop, Rory stops him with a kick. Corner whip, and Rhyno goes down. That's some whip. Rory chokes Rhyno with his own arm. Coach: "Rory could be Irish." Coach could be Irish. Rhyno fights out of the chinlock, back suplex. Both down. One two three four five six Rory up first, right hand staggers them both. Rory with a right, right, ri-wait no rethinking it because Rhyno's looking at him and isn't happy. Right anyway, Rhyno blocks and punches back. Whip, clothesline. Right. Side belly to belly suplex. Rhyno's telling the crowd - GORE. One two three. (3:45)

Tonight: Batista vs Val Venis
Next: Eugene vs Kane

Maxim HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I've fallen down laughing HAHAHAHAHA of Monday 

The mentally challenged collide! Remember how the WWF sponsored the Special Olympics? This is not like that at all. So if Kane wins the title at Bad Blood, this means Eugene gets a title shot, right? (3:19)
Bad Blood: Chris Benoit (c) vs Kane for the World Heavyweight Championship
Bad Blood: Triple H vs Shawn Michaels in Hell in a Cell
Triple H's Greatest Hits: Hell in the Cell edition (1:22)

Tour of Defiance: RAW in Ireland. They actually put dates here because Benoit's carting around multiple belts? Maybe. 

Batista (318 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 240 pounds) - Al goes nuts about Batista being 318. Al: "I know you're a master debater, but c'mon." Coach thanks the directors for not showing ugly chicks so they can look at Val and Batista instead. Circle, Val opts to clap while he walks. Lockup, Val with a side headlock. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock but Val's the one going down. Val's a bit terrified now. Alright, he'll try anyway. As Al notes that Val will have to change his strategy, Val gets to kicking Batista's left leg again and again. Batista goes to one knee before Val kicks him in the midsection. Standing headscissors crank. Off the ropes, Batista's kick is caught and Val shoves him down, elbow drop to the inside of the leg, elbow drop to the inside of the leg. Val tries to twist the leg, but Batista kick to the back distracts him. Val switches to a toe hold, but Batista is able to kick him away with other leg. Batista charges, but Val takes him down again with a drop toe hold. Val waits for Batista to get up, and rushes him out of the ring with a running knee to the back, Batista tumbling to the floor. Val starts to head out, but Mike Choida argues with him and Batista trips him up. Batista runs Val into the apron, sorta. Chest slap. Coach deduces that Batista's biggest asset is his power. Both back in. Val surprises Batista with a forearm, but Batista bounces back with a huge clothesline. Batista taking a moment to gather himself. Suplex. Batista not covering, looking at Val instead. Knee to the back. Knee to the back. Batista looking for a camel clutch? Val blocks it, so he gets a crossface forearm in the face. Val gets up and punches Batista in the gut and the head. Whip, reversed into a huge Batista spinebuster one two NO. Batista can't believe that's not a three. how about now? CAMEL CLUTCH! He's got Val bent quite a bit. Val trying to draw from the crowd. No dice, but he does get his arms loose, but Batista stops him with another crossface blow. Punches to the head, but Batista rather smooth his hair back than cover. Al would rather see Coach/Eugene HitC than HBK/HHH HitC. Suplex one two NO. Val set up facing the ring post in the corner. Forearm to the back, forearm to the back, forearm to the back. Batista charges in to the corner and Val manages to get a boot up. Batista charges again, Val moves out of the way and cradles him one two NO. Batista with a kick to the midsection, crowd is loud as Batista pulls him into position, but Val backdrops out (to boos? Weird.) Val reverse neckbreaker, but he can't cover. His back is bugging him too much. He's heading up? Not going tog et here in time, Batista on him with right hands. Batista going up with him. Superplex! I think Batista might be done now. Yep, pulling Val in. Sit down powerbomb, one two three. (4:12)

RAW: The last stop on the road to Bad Blood
Heat: Live pre-Bad Blood

That's it.

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The Cubs Fan watches way too much watching television - you can read more
of his overly detailed rambling reports at www.thecubsfan.com 

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