SummerSlam: Chris Benoit (c) vs Randy Orton for the World Heavyweight Title
SummerSlam: Triple H vs Eugene
Ivory: "Triple H is putting new meaning to his cerebral assassin title" - yea, he's outsmarting a mentally challenge person. That's taking it to new levels.
SummerSlam: Undertaker vs JBL (c) for the WWE Title
SummerSlam: Eddie Guerrero vs Kurt Angle

That's enough of that. To Cole (3) and Tazz (4). They're looking forward to Eddie/Kurt so let's see that graphic again
SummerSlam: Eddie Guerrero vs Kurt Angle
Ooh, video package time. Long's speech from Thursday with clips of WM, the Big Show chokeslam (his injuries are real again!), Eddie with the belt, Eddie losing the title thanks to El Gran Luchadore (the injuries are fake!) (2:23)

Moments Ago: Kurt Angle arrives. Luther Reigns is carrying his bags. Luther is far more smiley than Kurt, and that's Luther Reigns. BUY THE PPV NOW.

Tonight: RVD vs René Dupreé. Oh no, rhyming.

YJ Y2J walk away while Batista beats up Edge of Monday

Over to Coach (5) and Al (6), who compare themselves to Mr. T and Murdoch. They discuss the IC Title match.
SummerSlam: Edge (c) vs Batista vs Chris Jericho for the InterContinental Championship
Lillian Garcia (7) misses her cue, and then talks to Chris Jericho: "Whoa whoa whoa - hold on a second, Vivian. That's the question everyone's been asking me all week, [annoying weepy voice] 'Y2J, why did you walk away on Edge? Why did you do it?' Let me explain something to you: this is not a game, this not checkers, this is not roulette, this is not Mah Jong, this is about the InterContinental Championship - YAAA! - and tonight, it's a triple threat match, Edge vs Batista vs Jericho for the InterContinental Championship. Everyman for himself. That's why I walked out Edge. If the role was reversed, he'd done the same exact thing, come on. That's why I walked away, and that's the reason why I'm going to walk again with what? The InterContinental Championship around this gorgeous waist, junior."

Al agrees with Jericho's sentiments. Coach segues into Diva Search talk. 

Coach was happy for Orton to interrupt. I'm not supposed to feel sorry for her. I think I can manage. She does note that it's been anti-blond so far. Christy is like Ivory 2.0, isn't she? Is Jazz really divalicious? Oh no they're cutting promos (2:23)
SummerSlam: Jazz, Molly, Gail, Nidia, Stacy, Victoria and WWE Woman's Champion Trish vs Joy, Michele, Carmella, Christy, Amy, Tracie and Maria in a Diva Dodgeball match
Coach: "Tonight is not about ice cream!" Al and Coach try to perpetrate a rumor that the two sides had to be broken up backstage. We see where they'll play - which looks like the Raptors practice court? It's their floor, and I can't imagine it being in the ring, seeing as the ring's there and all. So this might not be in front of the crowd? And live? Hmm.

Tonight: RVD vs René Dupreé. Oh no, accent marks

RAW Live
Monday - London, ON [RAW]
Friday - Bismarck, ND
Saturday - Fargo, ND
Next Sunday - Palm Springs, CA
Next Monday - Anaheim, CA

Back to Todd and Ivory, who've got more people around them than inside, or at least it appeared last time. They don't trust Ivory to do slogans.

Just Arrived: Chris Benoit. He's also smiley. This leads to Orton/Benoit talk. Graphic? YES
SummerSlam: Chris Benoit (c) vs Randy Orton for the World Heavyweight Title
We pick up the Orton in-ring after the Divas are gone. (1:18)
Ivory laughs manically at her own joke. While Ivory gives her expert analysis of this match up, the God Of Foreshadowing holds up a HBK stand up in the crowd behind her! God of Foreshadowing or some drunk canuck, I'm not sure.

Back to Cole and Tazz and the filling up arena. STOP PLAYING THAT SONG. 
SummerSlam: Rey Mysterio and WWE Tag Team Champions Billy Kidman, Paul London vs Spike, Bubba and D-Von Dudley
Rey's cleared for the match. We see how Spike turned on Rey post match, for RAW viewers. Tazz: "Where the sun doesn't shine, depending on how you tan." Anyway, the new descriptor for Spike is "General" and they will beat you over the head with it until you start using it. On to last week, where Kidman and London were laid out. 

In the locker room, Bubba and D-Von get ready, and Bubba answers a question that wasn't actually asked. 
Bubba: "No, I'm not in a good mood. Why should I? London and Kidman are running around with our tag team titles, it's making me sick." 
D-Von: "It's making ME sick." 
Bubba: "I mean, I mean." [Here's Spike.]
Spike: "What's up, guys." 
Bubba: "Ha-heeeey, champ, what's going on bro, what's going on champ. Listen, me and D-Von were talking earlier on about some strategy, and we wanted to go in the ring-"
Spike: "Whoa, whoa, slow down. Guys, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm the only Dudley here with championship gold. I feel it's in the team's best interest if you let me do the thinking."
Bubba and D-Von: "Sure."
D-Von: "Sure, Spike, you're calling the shots, right."
Bubba: "That's cool, but your plan better work."
Spike: "Oh, Bubba, it is going to work. You're going to find out tonight after we win."
Bubba: "What you got for us?"
Spike: "Here's the strategy: we go down to ringside-" 
FADE TO BLACK BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I wanted to know the Dudley strategy.

Anacoda DNA revelation of Monday

Back to Coach and Al. 
SummerSlam: Kane vs Matt Hardy in a Till Death Do Us Part match
Back to the contract signing (:42)
Back to Todd and Ivory - what is Lita thinking? Ivory doesn't know. Ivory thinks Matt should remember this all started because Lita was trying to protect Matt from Kane. Okay. Let's see the graphic again!
SummerSlam: Kane vs Matt Hardy in a Till Death Do Us Part match
Todd starts to set up RVD/Dupreé, and Ivory jumps on the word "appetitive" and randomly segues to Diva Dodgeball. It wouldn't be a pre-PPV Heat if that didn't happen.

Next: RVD vs René Dupreé. Oh no, the show's only half over and we're going to that? What the heck.

Back to Tazz and Cole
SummerSlam: "Summertime Blues" by Rush
SummerSlam: Edge (c) vs Batista vs Chris Jericho for the InterContinental Championship
SummerSlam: Rey Mysterio and WWE Tag Team Champions Billy Kidman, Paul London vs Spike, Bubba and D-Von Dudley
SummerSlam: Booker T (c) vs John Cena in the Best of 5 Series for the Undisputed US Title - this match got no hype tonight
SummerSlam: Undertaker vs JBL (c) for the WWE Title
We go back to SmackDown! to see JBL guaranteeing a win, designed to drive Rick Scaia crazy. Dig all that Velocity footage. (2:38)

Back to Coach and Al. I guess JR and King aren't working here tonight?
SummerSlam: Triple H vs Eugene
SummerSlam: Edge (c) vs Batista vs Chris Jericho for the InterContinental Championship
SummerSlam: Jazz, Molly, Gail, Nidia, Stacy, Victoria and WWE Woman's Champion Trish vs Joy, Michele, Carmella, Christy, Amy, Tracie and Maria in a Diva Dodgeball match
SummerSlam: Kane vs Matt Hardy in a Till Death Do Us Part match
SummerSlam: Chris Benoit (c) vs Randy Orton for the World Heavyweight Title

Back to Coach and Tazz. BUY THE PPV. BUY THE WEBCAST.

Rob Van Dam (Battle Creek, MI, 230 pounds) vs René Dupreé (Paris, France, 260 pounds, w/Fifi) - They're still getting plenty of time. It takes a moment to get Chimel's announcement audible for the TV audience. Your referee is Brian Hebner. RVD RVD RVD RVD RVD RVD Lockup, wait, okay lockup. René forces RVD to the corner. Break? Kinda, as Dupreé fakes a punch to make RVD flinch. René is happy, RVD is annoyed, RVD is clothesling. Brian Hebner gets in the middle because René's got something in his eye? René tries to use the distraction, but RVD gives him a drop toe hold anyway. Armdrag, armbar. René with a knee to get free, and RVD is thrown to the apron. René charges into a shoulder, RVD comes back in, poses, René charges and gets backdropped to the floor. René is thrilled, then thinks about what to do next. RVD out, and clearing the barricade so he can load Dupreé up. RVD to the apron, point, spinning legdrop. Point. René thrown in. RVD tot he apron, slingshot legdrop, no cover. Going up again, split legged moonsault? No, Dupreé's up shockingly quick, giving RVD his familiar trip from the top rope into the barricade. And, as usual, that means it's time for a break. (1:59)

Picking up with a chinlock and about ten minutes left in the show. This fascinates me with all the 3 minute matches we normally get in this situation. RVD trying to draw from the crowd, but they're slow to respond. Now they've got it. Cole and Tazz hyping up matches on both sides. Elbows by RVD, off the ropes - no, thrown down by the hair. René pulls RVD over to tease the piledrive he never hits, RVD backdrops out, René holds on for a sunset flip, RVD stops it with a punch to the head. Quick spin legdrop by RVD, sliding dropkick to add on, cartwheel moonsault splash but no one's home. René reverse neckbreaker. Cover? French Tickler gets cheers then boos then cheers. Off the ropes, into a RVD spinning dropkick. Both men down. One two three four five six seven. RVD uses the ropes to get up first. RVD wins the punch battle, but René stops that with a knee. RVD blocks a turnbuckle smash, and manages to kick René away. RVD hits the split legged moonsault this time, one two no. RVD with a right, reverse, René scoops, RVD slips behind, waistlock roll up one two no, but RVD dropkicks René back down. RVD off the ropes, off the ropes, somersault senton in place of Rolling Thunder, one two no. RVD with a big kick to the head, right, corner whip, RVD charges into a boot. René to the middle ropes, jumping nothing misses but René lands on his feet. RVD second rope kick to the chest connects. RVD going all the way up but has a long away to go - Five Star Frog Splash! Crawling on top, one two three. (4:55, 6:54 total) Cole say RVD went 3/4 of the ring, I say 2/3rds. Replay illustrates him just making it either way. RVD stops to point at sings on his way out

SummerSlam: Eddie Guerrero vs Kurt Angle
Angle's first match since WM, score to be settled
SummerSlam: Undertaker vs JBL (c) for the WWE Title
JBL says he has a plan

Yes! JR (8) and the King (9) do get a word in edgewise. I believe 10 is the official record; if only Josh set up that locker room Dudleys bit.

SummerSlam: Triple H vs Eugene
"Tonight, we're going to see someone getting beat worse than Puerto Rico's basketball team beat the US!"

Oh, that's getting the closing video package? Right. We go back to the first time Eugene said Triple H was his favorite wrestler and follow it from there to this past week. (3:17)

Out 27 seconds soon, but I guess that's close enough.