Gene Snitsky (hardtospell, PA, 300 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 240 pounds) - Jason Roberts got the memo on the no first name policy this week, which doesn't exactly explain why 

Tonight: Muhammad Hassan vs Rhyno
Next: Chris Masters "the Masterpiece" Yay, I'm going to fly thru this.
WM Recall, sponsored by Snicker's Cruncher: Linda stands up and kicks. 

the Boot of the Week, sponsored by Birdman Lugz, is once again the one Angle is twisting to make someone yell.

Chris Masters "the masterpiece" (Los Angeles, CA, 275 pounds) vs - Coach: "I, for one, LOVE having him on Sunday Night Heat." For one, sure. Coach likes him because they have so much in common. Oh right, he's going to talk. Coach figures he'd beat Chris Masters, which is why they're not wrestling as Grisham suggests. "The first thing you need to realize is the Masterpiece is not just an image. I have a better body than a young Schwarzenegger. More desirable than Brad Pitt. More athletic than LeBron James. And think like Einstein. The complete package, if you will. And the final piece of that package, the Masterlock submission. Which still no one has been able to break out of, and tonight will be no different. So everybody in the back, I want everybody in this crowd [WHAT] and everybody watching at home on TV [WHAT] to take notes. And realize that when you're standing in the ring with me, you are no match for the Masterpiece." Coach actually mentions the WHAT's - we must really be close to WrestleMania! Coach hates the WHAT. By the by, everytime he says "the complete package", I about die laughing. 

Chris Masters vs Russell Simpson (235 pounds) - Wait! He's not a ROH midcarder! I call shenanigans. I'd rather have Slim Shady here, if it matters. Coach oddly goes off on Todd selling Simpson too short. Todd does mention the hour earlier change for next week. Todd: "And I understand I'm not invited to the show? I'm the host!" Coach: "I've decided I'm going to have Tazz cohost with me next week." 

Dear God of Wrestling:

One Tazzmission. It's all I ask.

your pal,
thecubsfan

ps: tell Doug to stop losing to stupid people

Coach says "on the streets of Hollywood", which means "we're going to pretape this the week before like last year." The Polish Hammer of facebreak. No mentions of Stevie this week. Mike Choida there to call for the bell. (1:22) Masters takes his time letting go - Simpson took his time giving up, so it's all fair. Todd: "That was an insult to wrestling fans!" Coach and Me: "hahahaha" Then Coach goes it alone when he talks about Masters becoming a "super superstar."

Next: Randy has a message.

Hulk Still Rules: Hogan vs Savage, 1989. Did I miss this on Velocity? It was an accident. Not a sad one but still.
HOF: Hogan, Stallone. You know it, you've lived it, you're hearing the plug again.
WM21: Triple H (c) vs Batista for World Heavyweight Championship
WM21: Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle
WM21: Rowdy Roddy Piper vs Stone Cold Steve Austin in Piper's Pit
WM21: Jericho vs Benoit vs Christian vs Edge vs Benjamin vs Kane in a Money in the Bank (Ladder) Match for a World Heavyweight Title
WM21: Akebono vs Big Show in a Sumo Match
WM21: Trish Stratus (c) vs Christy Hemme for the Women's Championship
WM21: WWE Tag Team Champion Eddie Guerrero vs WWE Tag Team Champion Rey Mysterio 
WM21: JBL (c) vs John Cena for the WWE Championship
WM21: Undertaker vs Randy Orton

Can you RKO Stacy on Heat? You can sure show the agonizing leadup. You can! That's a surprise. I hope your parent exercised guidance before you saw it. It only seemed fair Undertaker returned the favor on SmackDown by also being a girl, not that we see that now (3:59)

WWE Slam of the Week, presented by Stacker 2 XPLC - WHAT DOES THE X STAND FOR?: Christy sadly but predictably beating Molly.

the Hurricane (215 pounds) vs Biohazard (San Antonio, TX, 225 pounds, already in the ring) - Haha, they take off a kids Hurricane mask so Hurricane give him his mask. Circle. Lockup, Hurricane with an armbar, headlock, shot off, over, rolling under, taking over with a hiptoss, armdrag, armdrag, pose. Are they going to give the name of this guy - oh, yeah, Biohazard. He's a hazard to his own face, running into a drop toe hold like that. Front facelock, backed into the corner. Hurricane ducks under, right, corner punches make it to three till Hurricane gets dropped face first on the ropes. Kick to the side, snap mare, to the second rope, flying neck snap. Picking up Hurricane, whip, reversed, reversed again, kick to the gut, one armed swinging neckbreaker one two NO. Neck vice? Really nothing approaching a rest hold for a moment there. Hurricane rallying free, turning it, and dropping him with a reverse neckbreaker. Off the ropes, elbow, off the ropes, forearm. Turnbuckle smash, Hurricane to the middle rope, Overcast. Hurricane's pumped up. Running forearm. Corner whip, reversed, Hurricane rebounds out and lands a clothesline. Going up, top rope cross body. One two no three. (2:48) Wha? Todd seriously needs to stop calling crossbodies "splash".

Tonight: Muhammad Hassan vs Rhyno
Next: Kane vs Batista

Lumberjack. Coach has bad memories. (1:02)
RAW: Face Off
RAW: HBK vs Muhammad Hassan  

Earlier Tonight, Todd pulled double duty, celebrating Easter with Hassan and Daivari. "Of course it's because of my heritage! This company is full of prejudice people, so blinded their hate that they spite one of their own. I am an ARAB-american. But because of my customs, my beliefs, I am the target of bigotry, in and out of the WWE! By my record will not - can not be denied! I have not been pinned on RAW, and I deserve to be at WrestleMania! And this indignation will not go without consequence!" [FARSI - wait, HBK isn't Farsi] "Starting with Rhyno tonight, and Shawn Michaels tonight, the resentment build up inside of me WILL COME TO A HEAD! And HBK, YOU will be a martyr for everyone that doesn't believe in me!"

RAW Live
Monday - Ft. Worth, TX [RAW]
Sunday - Los Angeles, CA [WM21, SOLD OUT]
Monday - Los Angeles, CA [RAW]
Thursday - Brisbane, Australia [RAW WMRevenge]
Friday - Newcastle, Australia [RAW WMRevenge] 

Stone Cold Stunner: Bedpan, again. I think he did more than three interesting things.

Muhammad Hassan (Detroit, MI, 245 pounds, w/Daivari) vs Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) in the (Re)Match For Detroit - oh wow, they got Hassan a new entrance video. Dig that arch. Todd and Coach wonder about their chances of calling a WM Main Event. We stretch it out after Hassan's music's stop so people can chant USA. I don't think Rhyno has the thirty pound edge here, but whatever. Why does Hassan seem never to wear green - am I just inferring religions where nothing is supposed to be? Circle. Loud USA chant. Lockup. Rhyno powers Hassan back into the corner. Break. Lockup. Hassan with a headlock. Todd asks Coach if he knows Farsi. Rhyno uses right hands to break free, headlock of his own. Hassan punching out, Rhyno shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Off, the ropes, over, under, Hassan hiptoss blocked, Rhyno clothesline misses, standoff. Daivari has not stopped talking since we started. Daivari: "There we go!" Coach: "The translation there was 'there you go', if you didn't understand." Lockup? No, Hassan with a kick, right, right, Rhyno right, armbar, hammerlock, Hassan rushes the ropes and ducks down, driving Rhyno throat into the ropes. Kick, reverse neckbreaker. One two no. Hairpull. Choke around the ropes. Hairpull. Todd is still bitter about not being on Heat next week. "At least I'm still doing [pause, fabulous mock excitement] WWE Experience with Ivory!" "Hey Kid, you don't have to bring me down." Hassan outside for running elbow smashes to Rhyno's head. Back in, dragging Rhyno in the middle of the ring. Elbow. Elbow. Todd: "I was watching Byte This this week, hosted by Steve Romero" "WHO?" "Let's not get into that." Chinlock, giving Coach time to talk about how he didn't think Batista actually won the Rumble and could pull the title match off the card right now if you don't behave. Rhyno reaches for the ropes, but his arms are too short. Rhyno rallying back with no crowd reaction - ah, there they go. Rhyno fights his way out with right hands, but a double chop to the neck stops that. Whip, reversed, Rhyno diving clothesline. "GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!" Hassan up first and punching Rhyno, but Rhyno's Rhyno-ing up. Kick, right, right, whip, reversed, F5. "A form of a fallaway slam!" Sure. But somehow Hassan is up first and Rhyno is grabbing at his own neck. Rhyno with the running shoulder to Hassan in the corner. Side belly to belly suplex. Setting up for the Gore, which draws Hassan up on the apron. Jack Doan catches him and gets him off the apron, while Rhyno still mangos to clothesline Hassan. Right. Right. Corner whip, charge in but Hassan moves out of the way. Hassan hits the Downward Spiral. Posing, and there's the camel clutch. "TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP" and he did. (5:44) The guy with a match tomorrow wins, what a shock.

RAW: Shawn Michaels vs Muhammad Hassan
RAW: Triple H and Batista face to face