Robert Conway (Province of Quebec, 230 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 244 pounds) - your announcers are 

Tonight: Maven vs the Hurricane

Next: as massive overhype on Monday night proved, WCW isn't dead.

Audioslave lost a bet, so their song "Be Yourself" is part of the 2005 WWE Diva Search.

Backstage, Hurricane is talking to Rosey and Stacy. Wow, Stacy's stuck with these two? Better than nothing. Speaking of, here's Maven and Simon Dean. I'm on vacation, I'm not transcribing. Simon and Maven blame Stacy for costing them the titles - her butt is so fat, they were disgusted and distracted. Hurricane hits the catchphrase. Lame dialogue continues until we get over Stacy not being at ringside for the Hurricane/Maven match, in "oh no I won't be there *wink wink* *nod nod*" sense. What ever could this mean!

the greatest segment in the history of the last three minutes, which is really harsh on Rosey. I like how, for the purpose of this storyline, ECW didn't go out of business a half second before WCW did. (3:14)

WWE Slam of the Week, presented by Stanley Tools: Superhero Stacy distracting Maven and Simon, costing them the tag team titles.

Maven (Charlottesville, VA, 224 pounds w/Simon Dean) vs World Tag Team Champion the Hurricane (215 pounds, w/Rosey) - Simon gives Coach a bar. Todd is very jealous. They're holding their weight belts like they're the tag team championship because they think they should have the belts, you see. Hurricane and Rosey wait for someone - Shockingly!!!!!, it's Stacy in her super hero outfit.

Todd: "I don't see Stacy anywhere."
Coach: "Oooh, you're an idiot."
Todd: "Who is this woman? Who could it possibly be?"
Coach: "Do you think I'm the biggest, dumbest, stupidest guy you've ever talked to?"
Todd: "No comment."
Coach: "That is Stacy Keibler, dressed up like a moron."

Coach stumbles into a "Two Guys, One Girl and a Pizza Place" joke; he is ON tonight. Okay, the actual match. Lockup. Maven backs Hurricane into the corner. Break. Hurricane fixes his hair. Circle. MAVEN SUCKS. Lockup, Hurricane gets shoved away. Maven needs a break for one legged push ups. Circle. Lockup. Hurricane with an inside cradle, zero. Headlock. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Pose. Off the ropes, over, stopping for push ups. Maven can't believe it, but misses on an elbow drop. Armbar. Crank. Crank. Dragging Maven down, legdrop on the left arm. Armbar. Maven sneaks in a punch to get free. Whip, scoop, Hurricane slips behind, armdrag, armbar. Maven backs Hurricane into the corner. Elbow to the midsection, elbow to the head. Pose. Maven charges into Hurricane's bollo uppercut. Up top - Maven spots him and decides to leave the ring. Maven asks Simon to come talk to him on the apron, but Simon's reluctant for some reason - ah, Hurricane's behind Maven. Maven manages to snap Hurricane's neck over the top rope, and now he's easily in control. Stomps. Reverse neckbreaker with bicep pose. One two no. Hurricane with chest slaps to fight out of the corner. Kick, off the ropes, into a Maven dropkick. Maven talks to Jack Doan - he wants to be given the win right now based on his beautiful dropkick! Maven argues this point while Simon chokes Hurricane over the ropes. Cover one two NO. Front facelock. Hurricane battling up, rights to the stomach, but stopped with a kick to the midsection. Bicep pose reverse neckbreaker takes too long again, and Hurricane slips out of it. Right. Clothesline. Whip, reversed, Maven hiptoss reversed into the double underhook reverse DDT. Hurricane going up again. - this time Maven goes after him, punching him. Maven telling the crowd to shut up, as he goes for a superplex. Blocked, blocked, Hurricane punches and pushes him down. Hurricane top rope cross body one two no. Turnbuckle smash. Hurricane to the second rope - Overcast! Hurricane looking towards the crowd. Calling for the knee. Shining wizard is ducked, but not the second time (when it as more of an enziguri) one two Maven's foot on the ropes! Maven pulls Hurricane buy his tights into the corner, as Simon starts to look for something in his bag. Simon laves the bad in the corner and calls Maven towards the corner. Now he's distracting Jack Doan, walking around the ring, and right into a Rosey clothesline. Maven, finally having his wits about him, eyes the bag - but so does Stacy. They race towards it, and Stacy snatches it out of the ring before Maven can get there. Maven leans out of the ring to yell at Stacy, and gets punched (loaded fist?). Maven stumbles backwards, Eye of the Hurricane. One two three. (6:38) Coach wastes no time - once again, Stacy cost Maven and Stacy the match. "How are these two men are supposed to win when they're up against the odds like this?"

Tonight: William Regal and Tajiri vs the Heart Throbs in a Texas Tornado match.
Next: deals are made

Coach and Todd talk about the title match. Coach cuts is short. For brothers who heavily dislike each other, Edge and Christian talk a lot. Yea, they fixed the low blow camera shot - now if they could only fix the angle. (1:55)

RAW: is still on Monday

Next: William Regal and Tajiri vs the Heart Throbs in a Texas Tornado match.

RAW Live
Monday - Calgary, AB
Friday - Huntington, WV
Saturday - Dayton, OH
Next Sunday - Rockford, IL
Next Monday - St. Louis, MO

WWE Rewind presented by the Longest Yard - Coach hates this rewind.

your special ring announcer, from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, is Candice Michelle. Coach: "Don't ever laugh at me again!"

the Heat Throbs (no weight announced) vs William Regal & Tajiri (no weight announcers - I think) in a Texas Tornado match - Can you believe there's actually *two* tag team feuds going on at the same time? Now, if that wasn't the whole division. No interview with Maria? What the heck. I'm completely thrown off. Candice is not good at announcing. Three weeks ago, Antonio's face got messed up. Two weeks ago, there was a DQ, probably. Regal and Tajiri wanted this match. Candice dances with them? Okay. I'm more confused when they play Regal's music for the team (instead of Tajiri), but Coach and Todd explain the rules which they're going with for this match; no tags necessary, but you only have to beat one member of the team for the win. Throbs attack Regal & Tajiri as they come into the ring, and we're off. Todd: "These four men couldn't wait to get a hold of each other." Way to bring it, Todd. Brawling on both side of the ring, the former champs in control. Romeo (wow, I've learned the names!) gets pulled into the Tarantula as Regal continues to beat on Antonio. Both guys are hooked into the ropes in a seated position - wait, no, they're pulling Romeo out, and using him as a battering ram into Antonio's crotch! That was pretty great. Throbs recover, come back in, and continue to get beat. Romeo's beat down, so Antonio takes a double whip and a double backdrop. Back to Romeo. Double whip, double double chop. Tajiri kicks Romeo while he's down. Jumping knees by Regal for Antonio. Throbs beat down some more. Romeo gets  momentary edge on Romeo, but Regal helps him out. Antonio in the corner, Romeo whipped into him, stumbles out into Tajiri's superkick, and a half nelson suplex for Antonio. Throbs need to talk this over AGAIN. Let's take a break. (2:32)

Miraculously, the Throbs have taken control a little bit as we've come back. Still just brawling. Regal and Tajiri are whipped into each other, but spin each other around and come back at their opponents - problem is, Romeo's ready for it, and giving Tajiri Snake Eyes. Tajiri rolls to the floor, and it's two on Regal. Double suplex. Romeo with mounted punches. Huh, Antonio shoves him off so he can punch instead. Romeo seems to take it well. Antonio runs Regal into the corner. Thrown into the corner again. Antonio covers, one two no. Romeo kicks Tajiri back down. Double whip, double back elbow. Double handshake elbow drop. Time to dance. Romeo again stops Tajiri from helping out, this time with a sliding dropkick. Antonio with a single leg, Regal trying to kick free, but Romeo helps - double Boston Crab looks very ugly. Tajiri up on the apron again, and Antonio takes longer to bump Tajiri off, but that he does. Regal trying to punch his way back in control, but no. Coach: "Why doesn't Tajiri make like a good wife, and stay down?" Todd: "WHAT?" Antonio whipped into the corner, Regal moves, and clotheslines Romeo on his way out. Regal rolls towards the apron, and Tajiri's back up on it. Kick to Antonio lets him in. Off the ropes, dropkick. Romeo gets a double chop, and another. Whip, wheel kick! Antonio up - German Suplex one two NO! Romeo breaks it up. Regal on Romeo. Right hands, but Romeo manages to backdrop him out. Regal works over Antonio with chops. Whip, reversed, Regal back with a handspring but Antonio kills him with a clothesline. Double STO, one two three. (3:53, 6:25 total) No one says Heart Attack. Coach makes fun of Candice, but we've got nothing left to say here. Romeo's too hurt to dance! Tragedy.