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SummerSlam: Hulk Hogan vs Shawn Michaels

WWE Rewind, sponsored by Wrangler: Angle attacks Eugene on Monday

Backstage, Lillian Garcia talks to Kurt Angle, who's too intense to stand still. What's with the Cena chant here? "First of all, let's get one thing straight - it's not just a match, tonight is about righting a gross injustice. Eugene, an overgrown imbecile, stole my Olympic Gold Medal from me. That makes him a criminal in my eyes, and I hate criminals! Do you know what they do to criminals, Lillian, do you? They get punished. What I did to Eugene last week on RAW is nothing compared to what I'm going to do to him tonight. I'm gonna show Eugene tonight, why I'm the most vicious son of a [bleep - actually more of a tone] in the WWE."

I guess he's done because we quick switch to Coach and Todd. They haven't talked about HBK/Hogan in seconds, so they'll go over it again here.

Ashley, wearing part of a top, asks the fans who they're picking.
Shawn.
Hogan.
Shawn.
Hogan.
Shawn
Hogan.
Shawn.
[Mae and Moolah - noooooooo] Moolah picks Hogan, Mae picks Shawn. What amazing stroke of luck to have such a consistent pattern!

The people around the Heat stage are quite hyper.
Teen Choice awards with Cena and Hogan. (1:36)

Bodyslam of the Week, sponsored by Bod: Chris Benoit loses to Randy Orton, which is approximately 28% the doing of OJ. And then Undertaker showed up. Bet Benoit was thrilled he waited till after the match.
Inside the arena, it's actually getting filled at a decent speed. We've switched hosts here to the SD! crew, obviously.
SummerSlam: the Undertaker vs Randy Orton
Your announcers are Tazz and Cole. Tazz is representing with the (sky) blue tonight.
SummerSlam: Orlando Jordan vs Chris Benoit for the United States Championship

Backstage, Josh (6!) talks to Orlando Jordan. Seems like we've been here before. OJ doesn't like Josh accusing of him being nervous. "Ah! Nothing! What are you talking about! Let me tell you something, I bet Chris Benoit before, and I'm going to beat him again tonight. Chris Benoit, tonight, brother, I'm gonna - KNOCK - YOU - OUT!" Hey, no Benoit interruption, so odd.

SummerSlam: Eddie Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio in a ladder match for Dominick
video package (3:33)
Earlier Today: Dominick and the social worker arrived. She's cool with this? Who paid their flight to DC?
Tonight: the Hurricane vs Chris Masters.

Half hour in, and the only talk we've gotten about either title match is in (unabashed) commercials. They've gone over every other match. So odd.

Back outside to the Heat Crew so we can do adds and play Fat Joe's song. Each brand having it's own theme music is so odd. Oh, this is actually a Diva Search recap. (1:53)
Ashley's e-mail address is [email protected] and that'd be some fun e-mail reading.

SummerSlam Press Conference. Why show this again? (1:25)

Look! There's people waiting in line! I can't be more excited. Back to Cole and Tazz, so they can talk up the NHB match.
In an amazing variation, they talk over this video package. Funaki is not Batista? FUNAKI IS NOT BATISTA! It all makes sense now. (1:05)

Back in Heat City, it's time to talk about the WWE Championship match. Coach, delusional: "Two of the biggest multimedia stars in the world today!"
get this - it's a video package. The Seether song is used here, which is right, because both these guys should've ended up on SmackDown! (1:50)
Next: the Hurricane vs Chris Masters.

SummerSlam: "Remedy" by Seether

Cole and Tazz hype their matches one more time
SummerSlam: Eddie Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio in a ladder match for Dominick
SummerSlam: the Undertaker vs Randy Orton
SummerSlam: Orlando Jordan vs Chris Benoit for the United States Championship
SummerSlam: Batista vs JBL in a No Holds Barred match for the World Heavyweight Championship

JR and the King (8!, down by the ring and without Coach) talk over their card.
SummerSlam: John Cena vs Chris Jericho for the WWF Championship
SummerSlam: Edge vs Matt Hardy
SummerSlam: Eugene vs Kurt Angle in a no time limit match for Kurt Angle's Gold Medal
SummerSlam: Hulk Hogan vs Shawn Michaels

World Tag Team Champion the Hurricane (202 pounds, w/Super Stacy and Rosey) vs Chris Masters (Los Angeles, CA, 275 pounds) - They've got plenty of time, but they're obviously leaving room for the HBK/Hogan stuff. No one talks during Masters' entrance. Masters slaps Stacy in the backside as she leaves, which Hurricane doesn't appreciate. Forearms, punches, and Masters stops that by shoving him down. Big clothesline. Your ref is Chris, who's checking on Hurricane - and unaware of Stacy grabbing Masters' leg as he bounces off the ropes. Masters goes out after her - where's Rosey? There's Rosey, behind Masters, but Masters clotheslines him. Hurricane gets Masters with something - a shining wizard, maybe? - we miss while looking at Rosey. One two no. Corner whip, reversed, Masters charges into a back elbow. Overcast! (JR: "the blockbuster") One two no. Right. Whip, dropkick, but Masters has the ropes. Masters getting behind Hurricane - awful quick for the Masterlock but he's got it and he sure isn't breaking it. Fighting it, fading coming back to life, fading, fading, fading, fading, dead. (1:59) We spent about 29% of the match in the Masterlock. Strange, we still have time for Masters to pose, glare at Stacy, get a replay of the finish, and watch Masters taunt and pose as he leaves.

SummerSlam: Batista vs JBL in a No Holds Barred match for the World Heavyweight Championship
SummerSlam: John Cena vs Chris Jericho for the WWF Championship
Lawler: "these guys are both music legends!"
SummerSlam: Hulk Hogan vs Shawn Michaels
One More Match. Who was Hogan supposed to fight then? I...I can't remember. We see Angle and Carlito, but I'm pretty sure that's not it. (3:41)

That's it.