hey, look, a Trigun episode? I could - I guess I should start this, it'll likely be equally enjoyable. 

the sleep is gone. open.

Goldust (Hollywood, CA, 260 pounds) and Snitsky (Nesquehoning, PA, 300 pounds) vs Brad Jay & Colt Cabana (485 pounds, already in the ring) - GOSH HOW WRONG I WAS, WHAT A SURPRISING SURPRISE! You know, I'd hope I quit too if I were Tomko and saw this. I kinda feel like joining him. So is Snitsky a face or Goldust a heel or do they really have any plans besides one match based off one vignette? Y...no. Todd has breaking news!

Backlash: John Cena vs Edge vs Triple H [WWE]

Duh. Goldust and Snitsky have a debate on who will start. okay, Goldust and Jay. Lockup, headlock, shot off , back with a shoulderblock. Is that a Colt chant? They can't really get it together. Goldust off the ropes, over, stop short, and now he's slapping Jay on the backside for whatever reason. Goldust Freaks Up as Colt hides in the ropes. Jay tentatively comes back in, Goldust gets in him an armbar, and tags Snitsky. Forearm. Forearm. Todd: "There was a handicap - a handicap match on Raw!" Uh huh. Slam. Snitsky in no hurry. Elbow drop. Snitsky rams Jay back into the corner. Boot. Coach: "Colt Cabana and Brad Jay wish we were back at WrestleMania, because they're taking a beating of a lifetime!" Wait, what? And what? Snitsky throws Jay in the corner one more time, and gets in a shot as he tags Goldust in. Headscissors crank on Jay. Jay somehow gets Goldust in his corner to tag in Colt. Colt with punches. Whip, "here we go!", head down too soon so Goldust can get in the sliding uppercut. Colt turns into an inverted atomic drop and sells it big. Goldust shoves him in the corner, for only he can get in the ten punches - I bet it helps that Mickie Jay is the ref.  Why did he spit at 9? Corner whip, reversed, Goldust goes into the corner and suffers no ill effects,  as Colt charges his way into a powerslam. One two NO Brad Jay has to break it up. Tag to Snitsky.  Hart Attack on Colt! That was random, which I guess is the point. Todd refers to Snitsky as "ripped". Corner whip, Colt gets up a boot, Snitsky catches it and hammers the boot. Snitsky trying to turn Colt over to a half crab - no, wait, he's just grabbing Colt's leg and squeezing. That's quite unique. That for sure is a "COLT CABANA" chant, but the announcers draw our attention instead to Snitsky untying Colt's boot. Snitsky's the only guy hoping to lose a Kiss My Feet match. Snitsky lays there and is somehow defenseless for the many seconds it takes Snitsky to take off his boot and take off his sock. Goldust doesn't seem to like this idea? Huh. Snitsky teases it as Goldust eases retching. Goldust rushes in and clotheslines - Brad Jay, who finally thought he might save his partner and failed. Snitsky's still teasing it, but Goldust yells at him and says he's sick. Goldust grabs Colt to set him up for the Shattered Dreams, while Snitsky goes for one of Brad Jay's boot. Goldust teases the Shattered Dreams as Mickie Jay heroically ignores the big tease. Shattered Dreams connects, and Goldust innocently goes back to the apron before Mickie Jay has it sorted out. Snitsky forearms Colt in the back, and yells for Goldust to come back in - double team wheelbarrow suplex, one two three. (4:42) Todd dubs them "the Freak Show." Snitsky tries to give Goldust a Tomko like shove, and Goldust is scared off. I think Snitsky wants a hug now and Goldust wants no part of him. Now they tease that Snitsky's going to get Goldust's feet, and they chase each other to the back. Yay it's over.

Ad: WM 22: the replay 

Lance Cade (Nashville, TN, 265 pounds) vs Viscera (Harlem, NY, 487 pounds) - Todd and Coach talk about Masters/Carlito footage they just saw and we did not. Coach seems to be taking Chris Masters' side. We're playing Todd is friends with Cade instead of Coach now for whatever reason. Announcers talk about this year's Secret Garden Battle Royal which Vis won and we'll see the next week they have a double taping, I'm sure. Cade in no hurry to lockup, and when he does lockup it, he's proven right for being cautious. Cade tries a headlock on the second try, shot off, Viscera with a shoulderblock. Hip swivel, thanks. Lance is walking away? Lance looking around for something? Someone who cares? Two guys are chanting something, and Lance is thrown off. Lance apparently going for the time limit draw - oh he's in. Lockup, Vis forces Cade in the corner, clean break - no, Cade slaps him in the face. Viscera is angry and Cade is moving - why is Jack Doan getting in the way? So Lance can eye poke Vis, I guess. Clip! Bulldog! One two NO. Cade keeping him down, elbows to the inside of the left leg. Knee to the inside of the leg. Cranking the leg. For quite a while. Lance tries a spinning toe hold, and gets kicked off in the corner. Vis up quick but limping. Cade after him with a forearm, but Vis forearms him away. Clothesline. Cade runs into a back elbow. Cade runs into a hiptoss. Cade walks into a bodyslam. Cade is dumb. Whip, off the ropes, Cade ducks a clothesline but ends up in a Samoan drop. Cade rolling - out? Vis is actually out before him, and looks to be feeling better, what with the no limp.  Cade is surprised to see Vis out there, and Vis immediately headbutts him and throws him in. Vis up on the apron, coming in slowly, and Cade chops him in the leg leg, feet on the middle ropes, one two three. (4:08) Coach declares this the big win Cade needs. I dunno. Todd does not get time to crow.

Backlash.

Matt Striker (New York City, 237 pounds) vs Chandler McClure (Chicago, IL, 215 pounds, already in the ring) - Todd has a great sarcastic yay. So does Coach. Was Chandler an evil referee when I saw him? I get confused. My hate list has grown long and strong and it doesn't seem to be getting better. Striker says "Now, young man" and I realize I've been to too much baseball this weekend. Striker says he's better than McClure but neglects to explain why. Striker says we'll learn his Golden Rule, but neglects to actually tell us the Golden Rule. Was that promo really necessary? Is he going to wrestle in the sweater? Oh there, he finally takes it off. Running knee is supposed to be a hugely vicious move, but he immediately covers and gets it a kickout. Reverse full nelson as a rest hold seems a bit odd. Oh, the O-Zone is the Golden Rule (2:16) So he's going to teach us Mr. Step-Over's finisher? Been there! Coach: "Kids, always listen to your teachers, that's the Golden Rule!" Why can't Striker say that?

RAW Magazine: Edge

RAW opening promo, handicap highlights. Coach has many many (many) flaws, but the way he said "Never question the Game!" was perfect. (2:00)

Trevor Murdoch (Waxahachie, TX, 240 pounds) vs Eugene (Louisville, KY, 242 pounds) - Hey, so are he and Cade friends again? We'll never know. Lillian blanks on Eugene's hometown for a moment. Your ref is Mike. Lockup? No, Eugene's goofing around. Lockup, Trevor with an armbar, talking trash, elbow to the inside of the arm, stomp to the arm, wristlock, forearm to the arm. Todd notes the Eugene chant before he even starts, how odd. Eugene reverses the armbar and twits it a few more times. Into a headlock. Shot off, over, now laying down next to Trevor and waving at him. Trevor is annoyed by Eugene's goofing up, but eventually gets ridden like a horse. Coach: "This is wasting our time!" Uh huh. Trevor with forearms, whip, this is the guy keeps running while Eugene puts on his stuff and runs around the ring. Posing. Does anyone actually pump gas for a living at this point? Few. Eugene finds Trevor's tobacco, but get freaked out by it and Trevor uses the distraction to work him over. Trevor yanks his vest off Eugene, gives his hat to Mike to give to put away, and chokes Eugene with his vest in the meantime. Knees to the back. Trevor yelling at the crowd. Forearm to the back. Punch. Kick.  Chinlock. Coach: "You can already say this is a can't miss event!" Swinging neckbreaker. Coach and Todd watched WM backstage with a couple of Mountain Dews. Trevor sets up Eugene in the Tree of Woe and stomps him while he's there. Snap mare, chinlock. Coach reveals that Trevor has kids! I'm scared. Eugene elbows out, but the crowd takes a while to get him. Eugene works over Trevor in the corner, but gets shoved down. Trevor gives Eugene turnbuckle smash and Eugene's UP, but Trevor stops that with a kick. Crowd not into it. Corner whip, Eugene moves, Trevor goes in by himself, and gets lifted up - airplane spin. Both guys dizzy, but Eugene goes to all four - schoolboy trip, one two NO! Closer than you'd think. Whip, Eugene hiptoss blocked, so he hits a bulldog instead one two NO. Eugene with the HOOOOOO. Three point stance, Eugene charges, Trevor pulls Mike in the way, Eugene stops short, and Trevor sneaks in questionably low kick. DDT, one two three. (6:35)

That's it.