World Tag Team Champions the one with the headband and the one that's not Mitch (456 pounds) vs Patrick Bentley & Adam Armor (already out of the ring, 409 pounds) in a non-title match- your announcers for this Heat are Todd and Coach, who can't be bothered to wait for Lillian to stop talking. As per the

WWE SummerSlam: the biggest party of the summer.  

Mike Striker (talking to himself) vs Donald Lamb (already in the ring) - Striker campaigns for 12 month school years; I bet those don't come with 25% increased school budgets. For what it's worth, Coach has pretty much 100% reset himself to the old Coach. That was pretty pointless. Todd shows up Coach's grammar. Coach: "I'm on some medication!" Todd: "Uh, okay." You know who my second RB is? Ruben Droughens. So obviously I'm a moron. I swear Todd just compared Matt Striker to Dean Malenko. He must be on some medication! We play 2, and my third is Joseph Addai, which may be a fine pick come October, but they seem to start these seasons in September. So unfair. I could start Frank Gore, but then I could also just forfeit now and save myself some time. Todd thanks Donald Lamb may not win! Whatever His Finisher Is Called, One two three. (3:05)

Diva Search - not that I want to see it, but why isn't the final on RAW or SmackDown? Isn't the whole point of this to (slightly) boost ratings for those shows? Instead, they'll do the final on a Wednesday night special to get a 1.4 or whatever, and I'm not quite sure how that benefits anyone.

Eugene & Hacksaw Jim Duggan (512 pounds, w/2x4) vs Charles Evans & Derek Taylor (already in the ring, 408 pounds) - Coach: "Do we really have to do this?" There's no reason Hacksaw Jim Duggan should ever be wrestling on Heat. I'll guess Derek Taylor is the guy with unnatural blond hair here; I feel like I should know. Derek and Duggan start. USA. THUMBS up. He goes for it once too much, and Derek punches him. Duggan punches back, whip, Duggan misses a back elbow, but lands a clothesline. Another clothesline, and a bodyslam. Right for Evans for no particular reason. Headlock on Taylor, shot off into a Evans knee from the outside. Derek takes him into the turnbuckle. Corner whip, Duggan moves, Taylor runs into the corner, Duggan looks at him, and then tags in Eugene. Double whip, double backdrop. Eugene doe his happy dance, and there's the Junk Yard Dog headbutts and peeing. Drop toe hold, and riding him like a horse. Dancing, sliding under, and biting Derek Taylor's butt. Eugene celebrates with the ref, which allows Derek to recover and get in a kick. Corner whip, reversed, Eugene charges in but no one's home. Derek draws Duggan in, which allows Charles to snap Eugene's neck over the top rope. Derek covers, ref slow to realize it, one two no. Tag to Charles, who comes in with a headbutt. Scoop, and slam. Charles stands, blankly. My guess is that in whatever indy promotion he's usually working, this is the moment where he does a People's Elbow, but he's suddenly realized that would not be the way to go, and has no idea what else to do. So, after a moment, he decides he ought to cover. Charles does not get the three count. Double neck vice. Eugene rallies, and forearms him in the back. Tag to Derek Taylor. Forearm to the back. Choke in the corner. Eugene starts a USA chant. Tag to Charles Taylor, axhandle to the back. Whip, head down too soon, Eugene kicks it buts tumbles to the mat. Charles twirls around stunned, but still manages to side slam Eugene. Want to cover him? Now he does. One two no. Eugene tries to fight to his feet again, this time with headbutts. Charles stops that with a knee. Tag to Derek. Derek with punches. Tag to Charles. Charles taunts Duggan a bit, and turns into a Stunner; quite the oversell on that one. Can Eugene make a tag? Tag to Derek Taylor, tag to Duggan. Lots of Hacksaw rights for Derek. Charles takes one, and Duggan lines them back together so he can punch them both at once, and knock heads. Double clothesline by Eugene and Duggan for each man. Double four point stance, double football tackle on Derek Taylor, one two three. (5:34) Coach threatens to put Jack Doan on notice for allowing all that double team.

DX DVD 

Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (532 pounds) vs Val Venis & Snitsky (544 pounds) - Did we really need three going nowhere tag team matches? Does this really need to be a 7 minute match? Snitsky wants to be Val's films, let's not go there. Coach is derisively accusing Val of being a Cruiserweight Champion; what a thing for a WWE man in power to say. The not-Cowboys jump the whatever before the bell, but Val ducks a double clothesline and lands a double clothesline of his own. Snitsky adds one too. Looks like we're starting with Val and Cade, and Val working over Cade with chops. Corner whip, reversed, Val kips up and out, and lays in with chops some more. Val off the ropes, into a Lance leg lariat. Lance is still a bit stunned. He picks up Val and forces him into the corner. Tag to Murdoch, so they both can throw Val in the corner. Both men start to leave the ring, before Trevor figures he must be legal. Tag to Cade, and Val thrown back first again. Tag to Trevor, Lance holds him for a chest slap. Whip, Trevor puts his head down too soon, Val kicks it, Trevor misses a clothesline, Val gives him an atomic drop. Val armdrag, into an armbar. Tag to Snitsky, but Murdoch breaks the armbar first and goes nuts. Cade has to calm him down, and Trevor does - before turning into a hiptoss. Scoop, walking, waving, slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop. One two NO. Tag to Val, hold for a kick. Turnbuckle smash. Chop. Corner whip, reversed, Murdoch charges into a back elbow. Val goes to the middle rope, and Cade shoves him off, Val taking quite the fall to the floor. Snitsky argues Lance's interference while Lance throws Val back in. Cade with bottom rope springboard kneedrops on Val. Tag to Lance. Trevor jawbreaker, Lance reverse neckbreaker. Crossface forearms. Lance talking trash. Corner whip, Val fighting both Cade and Murdoch to escape the corner. Coach forgets the big stipulation of the WWE Title main event here. Cade pulls Val in a headlock to stop his run. Cade shot off, Trevor makes the blind tag, Val misses a clothesline, Lance gives him an inverted atomic drop, and Trevor runs Val over with a big boot. Trevor poses, and then covers, one two no. Perhaps he wants to do that in another order next time. Top wristlock chinlock by Trevor. Val elbows out, inverted atomic drop, but Trevor made the tag on lift. Cade stops Val from crawling with an elbow drop. Slam. Someone in the front really wants Val to win. Cade poses ion the middle buckle, and shows off his flying nothing - Val gets up a boot. Crawling - tag to Trevor, tag to Snitsky. Right for Trevor, right for Cade, slam for Trevor, slam for Cade. Corner whip, corner clothesline. Corner whip, corner clothesline. Whip for Trevor, big backdrop. Snitsky is fired up or something. Bad guys whipped into each other. Val and Snitsky do stereo mounted punches - but Cade flips Val to the floor yet again, Trevor shoves Snitsky down, and there's the Sour and Sour. Trevor covers, one two three. (6:51)

That's it.