Gene Snitsky (Nesquehoning, PA,  300 pounds) vs Jacques Pilken (San Antonio, TX, 250 pounds, already in the ring) - your announcers are Todd and Romero, booo. Got a substitute ring announcer as well, from the sound of it. Is Lillian too big for Heat? We all are. Anyway, if you're wondering why this is going up on 

No Mercy: Booker T vs Lashley

Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Eugene (504 pounds) vs Jared Steele & Russell Simpson (455 pounds, already in the ring) - This the night of the returning jobbers or something? Eugene and Duggan are best friends, apparently. Duggan starts the USA chants. Romero: "What's Eugene doing still in a wrestling ring? Enough Eugene already!" He may be right, but he may be more right about himself! Eugene and I think this is Russell Simpson. It has been a while. Anyway, they're going to take :45 to lockup because Eugene and Duggan are screwing around. Simpson get a quick armbar, into a wristlock. You ref is Jack Doan. Hey, Romero knows who this is. Eugene rolls into an armbar reversal, and enjoys twisting it a bit too much. Eugene bites the butt. Duggan's not into that. Russell charges, Eugene crawls between his leg. Test of Strength fake out bit. Armbar, rolling armdrag sorta, and Eugene does his butt dance. Tag out to Jared Steele. Wacky shenanigans continue, with Eugene working in a rolling leg bar, and Duggan getting tagged in for an elbow drop. Turnbuckle smash, over to other corner, turnbuckle smash, corner punches one two three four five six seven eight nine ten. Duggan yells HOOOO and USA for the fifty time. Hiptoss. Headlock. Duggan shot off into Russell. Duggan turns and punches Russell, Jared attacks him from behind, Duggan gets punches in on him, but two are eventually able to stop one. Russell gets tagged in. Corner whip, Russell spins for no good reason, running knee? misses, and Duggan makes the sorta hot tag. Tomahawk chop! And another! And a third. WHY? One for Jared as well. Kick wham ST- shoved off. Russell begging off from any more, and now yelling at Eugene. Oh, it's the boot untied bit. Duggan's trying to warn Eugene, but he puts his head down, and Russell boots it like always. Choke on the mat, and then Russell brings Eugene back to his corner to tag in Jared and help get in a few shots. Rights. Back suplex. One two NO. Romero remembers Bischoff is Eugene's uncle! Neck vice is pretty ineffective for Jared, but it keeps Eugene from the tag. Tag to Russell, reverse neckbreaker, and Russell sorta drops the fist on the way to a cover. One two no. One two no. One two NO. Neck vice. USA once again. Eugene fighting out with headbutts, but Russell gets up his knee to stop him. Russell turns to yell at Duggan, and turns back into the Rock Bottom. This time, the hot tag for sure. Eugene taking the long route there. Tag to Jared, tag to Duggan. Duggan with punches in bunches for Jared. Scoop slam for Russell. Scoop slam for Jared. Now punching both of them, and knocking the noggins. All four men in, and the locals are whipped into each other. Russell tumbles out of the ring, Jared pulls himself up while Eugene and Duggan go the the point stance - double tackle, one two three. (7:57)

WWE Fantasy: Carlito

RAW: DX runs the gauntlet. Maybe Runs is a bit too strong of a term. There's a weird lack of crowd noise during this bit. Maybe not weird, actually. Why didn't DX just get DQed earlier? What did they lose? (4:48)

Rob's Going To Lose Again (Atlantis City, NJ, 230 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, 244 pounds) - Rob is very much going thru the motions, and that's just on the entrance. Let's pretend this match matters for a sec: This is the fifth time they've done this match on Heat (counting quickly), and it's actually tied 2-2. The last time  won on this show was May 12th (hmm!), teaming with Victoria to beat Viscera and Torrie (and Victoria got the pin there.) The last time he won a singles match was January 20th, and that was against Michael Youngblood. Last time Rob Conway beat a guy actually on the roster was Matt Striker, last September 4th, though there were wins over Koko B. Ware and Greg Valentine since then. The girl who gets Val's towel is far less excited about it then her friend. Circle. Lockup. Val backs Conway into the corner. Reversed, clean break. Shoves exchanged. Lockup, up, Conway with a headlock. Shot off, Conway back with a shoulderblock. Over, Val's hiptoss is blocked, Conway hits one of his own, and there's the nice dropkick. POINT. Maybe Conway's intense today? He's clapping his hands, so maybe he's a face? Who can say. Lockup, Val with a headlock. Shot off, Val back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Val off the ropes, over, under, shoulderblock by Val once more, and Conway goes out. Val's fired up.  charges back in - no, he changed his mind. Perhaps that's for the best.  back in. Lockup, no, Conway with a boot. Strong punch, Conway hurting his fist delivering it. Rights and kicks in the corner. Right. Kick. Right. Corner whip, reversed, Conway kips up and out, but grabs the back of his right leg. Val takes advantage of the pause to chop Rob very hard. One more. One more. Whip, reversed, Conway puts his head down too soon, and Val kicks it. Val charges, and Conway flapjacks him onto the top rope. Val tries to get up, and  runs him over with a big boot, one two NO. Mounted punches. More focused this week, following up quicker. But then he argues anyway. Val getting up with the ropes, and  uses a running knees to send him out. This is where they put a commercial break, I guess.  Conway out after him, and shoves him down with a hand to the face. Val rolled in, one two NO. One two NO. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Forearms - all of this to the upper back, so at least he has a plan. I don't know which part of the plan requires pointing to the sky, but it's in there. Corner whip, down goes Val. Elbow drop to the upper back, one two no. Neck pinch? You can do better than a neck pinch! If ever you needed a camel clutch, that was the time. Val fights out with elbows, off the ropes, into a  sleeper. Val backs Conway into the corner to break free; I was expecting the back suplex bomb there. Both guys looking tired. Rob's punch is blocked, Val's punched is ducked, and  gets that sleeper back in. Val trying to get some support form the crowd, but it's not there. Jawbreaker does get a reaction. Val and Conway exchanging punches, and neither man going down. Now Val's got the edge with some shorter punches, and knocks down with a big one. Clothesline, back elbow, corner whip, corner clotheslines. Val's going to add all ten while he's there, but the crowd's into this less than usual. Fisherman's suplex, one two NO. Chops. Whip, half nelson slam as Todd and Grisham are just about ready for this to be over. Good thing Val's heading up. Bad thing is Conway stops him with a punch, and is heading up to join him. Conway's punching him, but there's no way he's going to get this superplex - yep, Val blocks it, punches him, and shoves him off. Val all the way up, Money Shot. One two three. (8:11) Must be the lucky green trunks.  loses again.

That's it.