by Scotty Szanto-Nicodemus
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

It’s crunch time for my flag football team, and for you my gentle reader that means reduced details.  So if you came here because you have a jonesing for transcripted interviews and spot-by-spot match detail because you’ve lost CRZ, I’m sorry to tell you that I’m just not your guy.  I’ve got a game both Wednesday and Thursday this week because a game was rained-out a few weeks ago and was rescheduled for this week, and then next week the playoffs start.  Thursday night’s game this week is going to be played under the lights at 8pm, so my guys are excited.  Now, on with the wrasslin’!!

I Get Letters™:  I hate people that say "hella".  –Unsigned

Yeah, well you’re hella-lame!!  In all seriousness, I couldn’t come up with the right adjectives to describe the crowd heat for last week’s main event, and having watched the “hella” episode of South Park recently…

Show opens with Jeremy Borash and Goldylocks in the ring, and Goldy performs the National Anthem in honor of America’s veterans.  As a veteran of the (peacetime) US Army, I have to say that I appreciate this gesture because Veteran’s Day is an oft-overlooked holiday…hell, I worked on Monday!

After the opening credits and a quick scan of the crowd, Don West and “Iron” Mike Tenay quickly previews the night for us.  Of note, Mr. Wrasslin’ III has not responded to last week’s challenge from Tha Truth, and thus there will be no World Title match.

AJ Styles and Mortimer Plumtree make their way to the ring.  Styles is not wearing his wrasslin’ attire because he’s not on the card tonight.  The crowd chants “You Suck!  You Suck!”, and Styles responds by saying, “Shut up!  You too, Sugartit Tenay!”  I guess that particular insult is a “Georgia thing”, because I’ve never called anyone Sugartit!!  Anyway, the reason that these guys have come out to the ring is to inform us that there will not be an X-Division Title match between Kid Kash and Jerry Lynn tonight.  Plumtree explains that because of his managerial skills, whenever Styles defended the title, the contract always had an automatic rematch clause written into it.  Lynn comes to the stage at this point and tells them (and us) that he anticipated this move from Styles & Plumtree, and so he has already gotten approval from the NWA Committee to make tonight’s X-Division title match a 3-Way Dance.

TNA Grrrls: NWA Rocky Mountain – Thursday, Nov. 14^th – Corn Palace – Mitchell, SD – 8pm … NWA ECCW – Friday, Nov. 15^th – Bridgeview Hall – Surrey, BC – 8pm … www.nwawrestling.com

While the above dates scroll by, Tenay tells us that 100% of tonight’s live-gate proceeds will go to a fund for the recent Tennessee tornado victims.  I live in the flood-ravaged area of Texas, so I have a keen understanding of what kind of force Mother Nature has.  My heart goes out to the people affected by these tornadoes.

Tony Mamaluke v. EZ Money: In the early going, Money is noticeably nervous, but once the match gets going he settles into a groove.  After Mamaluke lands a Suicide Dive through the ropes, he climbs to the top turnbuckle, going for a dive to the floor, but Money Dropkicks him on the way down!  Back in the ring, and Money hits the lariat that I think he calls the Moneyclip…flipping over the ropes from the apron into the ring, and into a lariat.  Mamaluke uses his submission-style training to take control quickly, and is able to hit a Guillotine Leg Drop from the top.  This only gets a 2-count, and the audience chants “That Was Three! That Was Three!”  Money appears to blow a spot, but it turns-out to be his finisher…as he begins to lift Mamaluke into position for a standard Suplex, he releases him and Mamaluke flips over, landing on his back.  Tenay says that the move is called the Cha-Ching.  EZ Money gets the win.

TNA Grrrls: NWA Wildside – Friday, Nov. 15^th – NWA Arena – Cornelia, GA – 8pm … NWA Main Event – Saturday, Nov. 16^th – Morton’s Sportatorium – Columbia, TN – 8pm … www.nwawrestling.com

Chris Vaughn v. Sonny Siaki: Vaughn is already in the ring.  Siaki starts things off fast when he gets to the ring, hitting Vaughn with a running Lariat.  Into the corner, and when Vaughn tries to reverse a Belly-to-Belly Suplex, Siaki turns it around, landing the release Belly-to-Belly, thrusting Vaughn upside-down into the turnbuckles.  When the crowd starts to chant “Rocky Rip-Off!”, Siaki really takes control of the match.  When going for the pin on two different occasions, Siaki pulls Vaughn up after two.  Siaki’s finisher is called Siakalypse Just Like Apocalypse, and Siaki gets the win.

In a segment “taped earlier today”, Brian Lawler is interviewed by Goldylocks backstage.  He and April are back together.  Uh huh, you bet.  Never been better.  Lawler overhears a woman moaning in ecstasy, and so he goes to investigate.  He finds April in the shower (she’s actually standing just outside the shower, but let’s give them the benefit of the doubt).  April’s tits are covered in what appears to be lathered soap, and she chastises him for bringing a camera into the locker room.  As she finally gets Brian and the camera crew to leave, we get a glimpse of “Miss TNA” Bruce peeking from behind the shower curtain.

Father James Mitchell comes to the stage and introduces us to his newest disciple, Belladonna.  He also tells us that the members of the New Church are not sports entertainers, nor are they traditional wrasslers, they are…EVIL!  I will paraphrase the crowd’s chant here: “Evil! Evil! [Butt-fucking Evil!!]”  If you are wondering, and I know you are, Belladonna is a chyck wearing a lot of dark eye shadow and a ripped-up shirt.

Kaos v. Malice:  Not only is this a total squash, but poor Kaos not only doesn’t even get an introduction, Tenay doesn’t even go through the motions of telling us who the guy is and how he made it into an NWA: TNA ring.  If I had never seen the show before, I would have to assume that Kaos is a regular.  The only reason I know that he spells chaos with a K is because his name is written on his tights.  West tells us that wrasslin’ fans from everywhere have been wondering where Malice has been.  Actually, I think what he heard was wrasslin’ fans saying, “Malice sure sucks.  I’m glad he’s off my television!”  This match goes beyond squash…it’s a dark match that they put on TV.  Belladonna’s involvement consists of little more than rubbing herself whenever Malice lands an offensive maneuver.  Did I mention that Malice gets the win?  Did I mention that nobody cares?

TNA Grrrls: NWA ECCW – Saturday, Nov. 16^th – House o’ Pain – Lanley, BC – 8pm … NWA Wildside – Saturday, Nov. 16^th – TV Taping – NWA Arena – Cornelia, GA – 8pm … www.nwawrestling.com 

Jorge Estrada w/Priscilla v. Brian Lawler w/April: Sports Entertainment prevails in this match.  For instance, Lawler jumps on the announce table and asks the crowd if there was something on the videotape that he should have seen.  They shout in the affirmative, but he tells them to go to hell and jumps down from the table to embrace April because he trusts her.  The festivities continue once the match begins, as Lawler repeatedly forces April to climb onto the ring apron and kiss him on the cheek.  Estrada runs the ropes, and Lawler misses a Lariat, a Back Elbow, another Lariat and another Back Elbow before Estrada finally hits a Dropkick off the ropes.  Lawler brings April’s purse into the ring, but Estrada gets the purse from him and hangs it around his (Lawler’s) neck.  When April attempts to interfere, Priscilla comes over and the catfight is on!  Estrada is distracted watching the women, and Lawler is able to get the Roll-Up from behind…and he pulls Estrada’s tights to get the 3-count.

TNA Grrrls: NWA Mississippi – Saturday, Nov. 16^th – Hollywood Palace – Greenville, MS – 8pm … NWA Mid-West (Kansas) – Saturday, Nov. 16^th – Coffeyville National Guard Armory – Coffeyville, KS – 7pm … www.nwawrestling.com

Jeff Jarrett is interviewed by Goldylocks, and we learn that the reason for the dark matches added to the card is because Syxx Pac is not there.  That means that Jarrett will receive a bye in the Semi-Final round of the tournament, and will face BG James in the finals next week.

Jimmy Yang v. Amazing Red: Wasn’t this match originally supposed to be a 3-Way Dance?  Yang is no longer a part of the Flying Elvises, but Tenay assures us that there are no hard feelings between Yang and Estrada.  If you’re wondering, Yang is dressed in black pleather pants w/black boots and black gloves…if you cross your eyes while looking at the TV; he looks a little like Yoshohiro Tajiri!  Red takes control of the match early with a series of Head-Scissors Takeover, the last of which is on the floor and thrusts Yang into the announce table.  Back in the ring and Yang sends Red to the floor with a Dropkick, which he follows-up with a picture perfect Springboard Moonsault from the middle rope to the floor!  West actually delves into TNA’s history book to tell us that Jimmy Yang scored the very first pinfall on NWA: TNA’s first broadcast when the original Flying Elvises (Yang, Estrada and Siaki) defeated Lynn, Low Ki and Styles.  West believes that if Yang stayed in the states and wrestled for NWA full-time, he would be X-Division champion.  Tenay agrees, and adds that a victory over Red would put him one step closer because this match is to determine the #1 Contender to the X-Division title.  Back to the action, and when Red goes for a huricanrana, Yang is able to reverse it into a Spinning Toe-Hold / Front Face-Lock!  Yang is nothing if not fluid in the ring!  When Yang lifts Red up for a series of Short-Arm Lariats, Red is able to reverse one, but is unable to mount an offense and Yang maintains control of the match.  Red finally looks to be in position to take control when he hits a Dropkick on Yang, who was going for a Springboard Crossbody.  The crowd is firmly behind the young man from Brooklyn, who lands a wicked Tornado DDT, but only gets two.  Yang is able to crotch Red on the top turnbuckle, but when Yang climbs up, Red is able to land a Super Code Red from the turnbuckles!!  Yang kicks out at 2 7/8.  Red goes for a Corkscrew maneuver from the top, but catches Yang’s knee.  Yang goes for the Yang Time off the top, but Red moves out of the way, and Red is able to connect with the Infra-Red from the top for the 3-count.  Amazing Red is YOUR #1 Contender for the X-Division Title, and will face the winner of the Kash v. Styles v. Lynn match later.  After the match as the TNA Grrrls grind, the announcers continue to put Yang over…let’s hope he comes back next week!

TNA Grrrls: NWA Virginia /VCW – Sunday, Nov. 17^th – Omni Hotel – Newport News, VA – 6pm … NWA Hawaii – Sunday, Nov. 17^th – Hard Rock Café – Honolulu, HI – 4pm … www.nwawrestling.com

BG James is interviewed by Goldy.  James originally came to the arena tonight to scout the semi-final match between Jarrett and “his boy” Syxx Pac.  Jarrett enters at the end of the promo to offer to shake hands with James and wish him luck.  James says that he isn’t dumb enough to fall for that (I think he actually said “how dumb do you think I am?”), and then of course he shakes Jarrett’s hand.  Well, I guess he is that dumb!  Jarrett takes his hand and then kicks him in the gut, and the two of them brawl briefly.

Spanish Announce Team v. Rainbow Express: This is the first match in a mini-tournament to become the #1 Contenders to the World Tag Team Titles.  Next week the winner of this match will face the winner of the next match, and the winner of next week’s match will be the #1 Contenders.  Joel starts against Lenny, and Jose attempts to get an “S.A.T.! S.A.T.!” chant, with moderate success.  Lenny makes me laugh out loud by using a traditional Ballet Leap to leap over Joel while running the ropes.  Funny stuff that Tenay chastises as “pathetic”.  Bruce is sent to the floor in front of the announce table, and Jose runs-through as Lenny misses on a Lariat attempt, and Jose leaps through the ropes and lands a Suicide Dive onto Bruce on the floor.  In the ring, Joel is down near the ropes, and Lenny uses Joel’s back to Springboard for a Leaping Senton onto both Bruce and Jose on the floor.  The Rainbow Express goes back into the ring and double-teams on Joel.  Don West has become enlightened over the course of TNA’s history, as he refers to Lenny & Bruce’s gay antics by commenting, “I used to let that bother me so much in the early stages, now I just accept it.  It’s just Lenny and Bruce.”  Lenny is sent to the floor, and the S.A.T. hit a double high-impact move on Bruce, each leaping from opposite corners, with Jose connecting with a Legdrop from the top, and Joel landing a Moonsault!!  Now that was impressive!  Lenny gets back in the ring in time to break-up the pin attempt.  After Lenny gets a two count, Bruce gets the tag and comes in representing the proverbial house a’fire!  Tonight is the night of suplexing your opponent into the turnbuckles, and that is just what Bruce does to Joel.  The match starts to break down, and when Jose hangs Bruce from the tree o’ woe and then sends Lenny into the corner with a Drop Toe-Hold, things get really out of hand with the Rainbow Express tangled together in the corner in the 69 position.  Yeah, it was kinda funny, but I prefer the little things like Lenny’s leaps and small hand gestures.  Lenny is on the apron, and pulls down the top rope as Bruce is sending Joel into the ropes.  Joel reverses it, however, and Bruce tumbles over the top rope to the floor.  The announcers play it up like Lenny sabotaged his partner on purpose because he (Lenny) wants to render him (Bruce) unable to fulfill his duties as Miss TNA…in which case Lenny would become Miss TNA, of course.  Back to the match, and Lenny is caught on the top turnbuckle by the S.A.T., and they land the Spanish Fly for the pin and the victory.

Bullet Bob is interviewed by Goldy.  Goldy is concerned because “Heavy D” Don Harris was fired last week, but he is in the building this week.  Bullet Bob clears things up by saying that he fired Don Harris as head of security, but “he’s a great wrassler”, and so now he is teaming with his brother in the tag team tournament.  He asks Goldy to excuse him because he has to get some contracts signed.

Hot Shots v. Ron & Don Harris: The Harris brothers are announced with a total combined weight of “nearly 600 pounds”.  Ron and Don Harris dominate most of the match, and at one point West says that he can tell them apart, but don’t ask him how, he “just has a system”.  I am guessing that his system involves seeing that Don is wearing a shirt over his tights, but Ron is not!  The Hot Shots take control of the match briefly, but this is really just an extended squash to get the Harris Brothers over, and Ron and Don eventually hit the H-Bomb for the victory.  After the match, the Harris’ continue to beat on Cassidy and O’Reilly, despite the incessant ringing of the ring bell.  West comments that they are ringing the bell, but even that isn’t going to stop Ron and Don Harris, so we cut away to…

TNA Grrrls: The second set of dates scrolls by, and the Harris Brothers have ceased their attack by the time we come back to the ring.  Hey, it worked!!

BG James comes to the ring and calls-out Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett comes to the stage, and James challenges him to have their match tonight, not wait until next week.  Jarrett says that he didn’t get to where he is by doing things other-people’s way, but by doing things his own way (I’m paraphrasing).  Anyway, James takes the low road by repeatedly calling Jarrett a “pussy” to try and coax him into the match (hey, if South Park can say it on Comedy Central, then there’s no reason James can’t say it on ppv I guess!), but Jarrett is too savvy to fall for the name calling…until James makes an insult to Jarrett’s mother, and it’s on!

BG James v. Jeff Jarrett: This match is officially the Finals of the tournament to become the #1 Contender to the World Title, because Bullet Bob Armstrong is watching from the ramp, I guess.  Anyway, it’s on like ham bone, and they brawl throughout the crowd.  As they cross the balcony, James attacks Jarrett with a plastic Dr. Pepper bottle.  Now that’s just going too far!  Coming back down the stairs, and Jarrett connects with a chair, knocking James from the stairs to the floor, falling through what appears to be the T-shirt table!  Jarrett and the referee make it back to the ring, and the 10-count is on.  James doesn’t make it back to the ring fast enough however, forcing the ref to slow his count so that James isn’t counted-out.  Oops!  Anyway, James brings a chair into the ring with him, but as he sets Jarrett up for the Pumphandle Slam onto the chair, Jarrett reverses it and hits The Stroke onto the chair.  Jeff Jarrett is the winner and YOUR #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Title.  He will face Tha Truth next week.

TNA Grrrls: The third set of dates scrolls by.

The NEW New Disciples of the New Church v. Americas Most Wanted (champs): When the New Church is in the ring during the announcements, Brian Lee appears to make the symbol of the cross over his chest in the corner, so I guess the New Church is branched from the Catholic Church!  The champs come to the ring through the crowd and attack right away.  The wild brawl throughout the ringside area is on, and in just a few minutes Slash is bleeding from the same cut that he sustained last week (Slash is wearing band aids on his forehead).  Lee uses a steel chair to open up James Storm as well.  Harris and Lee are in the ring, and Harris hits the Catatonic.  Slash comes into the ring and Harris attempts the Catatonic, but Slash reverses it into a Tornado DDT.  That was a nice move.  Harris is thrown outside, and Lee drops him onto one of the title belts on the announce table.  The bloodbath is on!  The wild brawl falls apart eventually and devolves into a wrasslin’ match!  Who knew?  Harris and Lee are in the ring, but Lee is able to make the tag to Slash, and Storm gets the hot tag from Harris.  All four men in the ring, and Belladonna takes the title belt and sets it on the apron in the corner of the ring as Storm connects with a Superkick on Brian Lee.  The New Church botches a spot in which Storm is perched on Lee’s shoulders and Slash hits a Dropkick from the top, knocking Storm off of Lee’s shoulders, except Storm didn’t fall properly, and both he and Lee fell awkwardly.  They both seem to be ok, though.  Harris breaks-up the pin attempt, sends Lee to the floor and follows him out.  In the ring, Storm connects with the Swinging Noose (Tornado Inverted DDT) on Slash, but referee Scott Armstrong is distracted by Father Mitchell, who is up on the ring apron.  When Storm goes after the Sinister Minister, Belladonna scoots the title belt in to Slash, who waffles Storm with it, and 1, 2, no!  Storm goes for a Springboard Crossbody, but Slash ducks and Storm takes-out the ref.  Mitchell hands the spike to Brian Lee, and he hits Storm in the forehead with it and scores the 1-2-3 after referee Scott Armstrong is revived.  Ladies and gentlemen, your winners and NEW World Tag Team Champions are Slash and “Prime Time” Brian Lee, the NEW New Disciples of the New Church.  After the match, Belladonna comes into the ring, and she rubs the blood from Slash’s head onto her own chest and stomach…so that’s what she was hired for!

TNA Grrrls: The fourth set of dates scrolls by.

X-Division highlights from last week are shown next.

Kid Kash v. AJ Styles w/Mortimer Plumtree v. Jerry Lynn (champ): This is a 3-Way X-Division Title Match, using the single pinfall rules, so it will remain possible for Lynn to lose the belt without being pinned.  A fast-paced reversal sequence gets things started, and when Lynn and Kash are tied-up attempting a Backslide on one another, Styles takes the opportunity to attack, but Lynn and Kash break apart and land stereo Drop Toe Holds, sending Styles crashing down and under the bottom rope to the floor.  That was pretty cool.  We’re still in the feeling-out stage, and when Lynn and Kash exchange the Indy Handshake o’ Respect, Styles leaps from the corner with dual Dropkicks.  Outside we go, and when Kash appears to be attempting a Moonsault, Lynn grabs his legs and brings him crashing down onto the ring apron.  Lynn and Styles back in the ring, and Plumtree distracts the ref when Lynn goes for the Cradle Piledriver, enabling Styles to have the opportunity to connect with a Low Blow.  While they are showing split-screen replays of another move, Kash leaps up for a Huricanrana on Styles, but Styles tosses him overhead, and Lynn catches him for a Sit-Out Powerbomb.  That was nice, I sure wish I could’ve seen it on the whole screen!  Styles connects with the Moonsault where he lands in position for the Inverted DDT on Lynn, but Lynn reverses it into a Stunner!  Hope they don’t have to pay royalties to the WWE for that!  HA!  When Styles goes for his patented Moonsault off of Lynn’s chest, he doesn’t get enough rotation on it to land on his feet, and lands on his chest and stomach.  While Styles is down, Lynn lands a Tornado DDT on Kash, but Styles is up to break-up the 3-count.  Lynn is sent outside when Styles whips him into the ropes, but Plumtree pulls the top rope down.  Kash hits a running Lariat on Styles, then immediately goes for a Double-Springboard Crossbody Block on Lynn from the top turnbuckle to the floor!  Again, while the split-screen replay is playing, Styles leaps to the top rope and hits a Shooting Star Press to the floor on both of them.  Back in the ring and Styles is fired-up, but he turns right into a stiff Lariat from Lynn, then Lynn and Kash hit each other with running Lariats, and the ref starts the 10-count.  Styles is setting Kash up for the Styles Clash, but Kash wiggles free.  When Kash leaps back up (presumably for a ‘rana attempt), Styles catches him and hits him with what appears to be Nova’s finishing move from back in ECW circa ’98-2000.  Lynn breaks-up the pinfall.  When Styles is positioning Kash for a piledriver attempt, Lynn hits Styles with a running Lariat, and all three men are down.  Kash sends Styles over the top rope onto Plumtree, and Lynn is able to hit the Cradle Piledriver for the pin.  That was a great match, and the storyline continues because Styles was not pinned.  I can’t say enough about how good the main event was.

Jeremy Borash joins the broadcast team and even gets a few words in before DW gives us the hard-sell for next week’s show…we will see Storm & Harris, EZ Money, Sonny Siaki, Malice, an X-Division 3-Way Dance pitting AJ Styles v. Crimson Dragon v. Jorge Estrada, the Harris Brothers v. S.A.T. (this match is the finals of the Tag Titles tournament of course, although West doesn’t mention it), the New Church will defend the Tag Titles, Jerry Lynn will defend the X-Division Title against The Amazing Red, and Jeff Jarrett will get his long awaited title shot against Ron “Tha Truth” Killings.

Jeff Jarrett closes the show with a promo.  He tells Tha Truth that while some kids grew up going to baseball games dreaming of becoming Pete Rose or Joe Morgan, and other kids grew up going to football games dreaming of growing up to be Boomer Esiason or Ickey woods, (I’m paraphrasing again) Jarrett grew up going to wrasslin’ matches and dreamed of growing up to be NWA World Heavyweight Champion.  He concludes by saying that it is not just his dream, but his destiny and he will become the NEW World Heavyweight Champion next week.

An interesting show tonight…for those that enjoy looking over their shoulders at car accidents as they drive by that is!  Since the NWA: TNA website is down while it is being revamped, I have only Don West’s preview from last week to go by, but the only guys that he announced then that were not on tonight’s show were Syxx Pac, and Tha Truth v. Mr. Wrasslin’ III.  Oh, and I was right that the Red v. Yang match was announced last week as being a 3-Way Dance including Tony Mamaluke.  They obviously had some gaping holes to fill, and they did as best they could.  Personally, I think that I would’ve just given each of the matches an extra 5-minutes and only added one match that was on the level of a dark match.  There were seven matches in the first 1:15, and then three matches in the final 45 minutes.  Considering the amount of backstage fluffery that was put in, I’m amazed that they even had time for that many matches!  The first half-hour or so not withstanding, I really enjoyed tonight’s show, although I will admit that the high energy that fuels so many of their broadcasts seemed to be lacking.  The main event ended the show on the right note, and there were a lot of good matches in the last hour of the show.

If you’ve never seen NWA: TNA before, you’d probably be better off trying to find somebody that has some of their other shows on tape before watching this one.  Not that there’s anything wrong with this show, it’s just that they are in the middle of some pretty convoluted storylines and some of the silliness might not make much sense…it barely makes sense to me at times!  I would definitely recommend it to those who have been sporadically following the program…there are some really good matches…and to any newcomers that don’t have access to TNA’s previous shows.

Tonight’s Sign o’ the Night is a toss-up between one conventional and one non-conventional sign.  I was positive during most of the show that I Sold My Soul To The New Church would receive the honors, given the obvious Black Sabbath reference.  At the end of the program, however, there was someone in the audience holding an old-school WWF World Title (Replica) Belt, and they used red tape to put a big “X” across the face of it, so that it appears to look like the X-Division belt.  Right on!!

It’s time for me to concentrate on flag football strategy!

PEACE

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