by Scotty Szanto-Nicodemus
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

First up, my apologies for not getting this recap done in time for Rick to post it before the weekend.  I fully intended on doing a full-fledged recap of last Wednesday’s show, but several holiday related things got in my way.  I will be getting back to the regular format for my recap after this Wednesday’s show, but for today, you are getting the condensed version.  What I mean by that is that I will give you the results of all the matches, but this is going to be more of a column than a recap because I’m going to put my opinions out there for y’all to examine.

The show began with Goldy singing “God Bless America” in honor of Thanksgiving.  I’m not one to be un-American, but they just began the show two weeks ago with Goldy singing the National Anthem to honor our veterans on Veterans Day.  I really felt like that was something special two weeks ago, this week it just feels like they don’t have enough wrasslers on hand.  Besides, while Thanksgiving is an American holiday, isn’t the focus supposed to be on being thankful for a bountiful harvest and not for patriotism?  Just a thought.

Jay and Mark Briscoe v. Divine Storm w/Trinity:  Tenay and West start the show by pissing me off when they continually harp on the Briscoes’ dark match a couple of weeks ago, but never once mention that Jay and Mark had a televised match about VIII weeks ago.  For all the talk of Tenay and West trying to convince us that the Briscoes are awesome, there is remarkably little offense from them…they are there to make Divine Storm look good, and they do a great job at that!  Tenay refers to Jay and Mark as “18 year old twins”, which has me scratching my head because I was under the impression that one is a year older than the other.  Can anyone verify that for me?  The announcers pay precious little attention to the match, harping continually about the main event and how Vince Russo is going to impact the outcome.  Divine Storm emerges victorious in the end.

“Iron” Mike Tenay takes a moment to comment on Vinnie Ru’s involvement with NWA: TNA.  He tells us that Vinnie Ru cost him (Tenay) his job in WCW, and he (Tenay) will not sit idly by as Russo’s form of Sports Entertainment takes over the pure wrasslin’ product of NWA: TNA.  Tenay goes so far as to threaten that he will leave NWA: TNA behind if Vinnie Ru is allowed to take over.

After replays of last week’s title match, Jeremy Borash introduces the new World Heavyweight Champion to the ring, and out comes…Vinnie Ru himself!!

If you are a regular reader of my recaps, then you are probably aware that I do not bother to comment on the time of most segments, but this is an exception.  Vinnie Ru basically comes to the ring and tells us that he made Jeff Jarrett, and tonight Jarrett has to decide if he (Jarrett) is with Russo or not.  It takes Russo eight full minutes to get that message across.  Of the 120 minutes available for the program, 7% is used for this promo, and please allow me to point out that Russo is not a wrassler, and Jarrett doesn’t need Russo’s rub in order to get over.  I am not of the crowd that believes that Vinnie Ru is the wrasslin’ antichrist, since I quit watching WWF and WCW before he was involved with either promotion.  It is hard to ignore that he shouldn’t be taking up so much time on these programs, however.  Also, I am well aware that Russo has been booking the TNA programs since almost the beginning, and when he first signed with them, he released a statement on their website stating how excited he was to work with a promotion that would emphasize the athletic competition…and he specifically stated that the X-Division would be the centerpiece of all TNA programming.  Today we are in a situation where a lot of the X-Division talent has not returned for several weeks and we are “treated” to a smorgasbord of WWF cast-offs.

America’s Most Wanted v. The Hot Shots:  Harris and Storm are distracted by Father James Mitchell and Belladonna, who are watching the match from the stage.  When AMW approach the stage, they are counted out and the match goes to the Hot Shots.  When Harris and Storm drag Belladonna to the ring and set her up for one of their finishers, the NEW New Disciples of the New Church are late attacking, and Harris is left with no option other than simply getting down from the top turnbuckle because Slash is too late to crotch him up there.

BG James and Curt Hennig v. The NEW New Disciples of the New Church (champs) w/Father James Mitchell and Belladonna:  Of note in this match is that James replaces Syxx Pac, who was advertised last week to be in this match.  Tenay tells us that Pac walked out of NWA: TNA because he refuses to work for Russo.  The real reason for Pac’s absence is a bit of a convoluted mystery, and as such I will leave the speculation to others.  James and Hennig are disqualified when America’s Most Wanted rush the ring and attack the champs.

Alex Winters v. EZ Money:  Winters is already in the ring, and Tenay tells us that he is 21, a native of SW Detroit, and has been wrasslin’ for three years.  As for the match, it is a dark match level squash, with Winters performing strictly to get EZ Money over.  Money gets the win in unspectacular fashion.

Goldy interviews Bruce, and the only thing of note is that after being outted as a heterosexual when he was caught in the shower with April, he is dropping “Bruce” and going back to the name he used in WCW, Alan Funk.  Oh, and because he likes April so much, he is giving the Miss TNA crown to her.

Crimson Dragon v. Sonny Siaki:  This match suffers from the same disease that so much of TNA’s matches have over the last few weeks…both competitors appear to be putting about 75% effort into the match.  This match is especially frustrating to watch because Dragon and Siaki wind up stopping in the middle of the ring facing one another on several occasions.  Siaki wins with his finisher, Siakialypse Just Like Apocalypse, Which Is The End.  Siaki gets on the stick after the match and declares that he will only wrassle in main events and title matches from now on, and if NWA: TNA can’t get him some stronger opponents then he will walk out of the promotion.

Goldy interviews April backstage, and April tells us that Brian Lawler has been watching the footage of her in the shower with Bruce over and over all day long.  Goldy makes some smartass comment, and April says that she (Goldy) must be jealous…since after all, they are lesbian lovers!  Goldy abruptly ends the interview, and I guess we are supposed to forget Goldy’s lesbian encounters, so wipe your memory clean!!

Brian Lawler comes to the stage at this time and cuts a promo, telling us that April has broken his heart and he is leaving pro wrasslin’ forever, so we will never see him on NWA: TNA again.  Hey, if he said it on TV, then it has to be true!!

Goldy catches up with Lawler backstage as he is leaving with Priscilla of all people.  We overhear Lawler telling Priscilla that she is the only person that understands him, and then as they leave we see Lawler grabbing her ass on the way out the door…if I may editorialize, when he grabbed her ass it was supposed to be interpreted as being sexual, but it looked like a coach telling the pitcher to hit the showers after pitching a good game.

AJ Styles w/Mortimer Plumtree v. Jerry Lynn (champ):  X-Division Title Match.  For anyone like myself that still refers to pro wrasslin’ as “The Sport of Kings”, this was probably the only entertaining match of the night.  It was allowed to go long enough to tell a compelling story, and both workers were giving 110%.  The finish to the match was fun, as Plumtree climbed onto the apron and argued with the ref.  While the ref’s attention was diverted, Plumtree tossed a pair of brass knuckles to Styles, but the throw was too high and Lynn caught them.  Lynn knocked Styles out with the knucks behind the ref’s back and scored the 3-count.

Ron “Tha Truth” Killings v. Jeff Jarrett (champ): World Heavyweight Title Match.  You can tell that these events take place in Tennessee, because Jarrett is no longer being introduced as hailing from Music City, USA; they announce his real hometown of Hendersonville, TN.  After they take the match through the crowd, the ref counts both men out but Bullet Bob Armstrong is on the scene to tell the ref to restart the match, and we must have a winner.  Well, after a ref bump later, Vinnie Ru appears to pass a guitar in the ring to Jarrett.  Double-J appears to consider hitting Tha Truth over the head with it, but in the end he busts the guitar on the ringpost and wins the match after hitting Killings with The Stroke three consecutive times!  Your winner and STILL NWA World Heavyweight Champion is Vince Russo I mean Jeff Jarrett!!

The show closes after Vinnie Ru demands that Jarrett come to the ring and publicly declare if he is with Russo or against him.  Jarrett climbs into the ring, points at Russo, opens his mouth to speak, and we’re out of time!!

By my count, a total of four performers either threatened to quit or were actually released and had the conditions of their release discussed on the air…Mike Tenay, Syxx Pac, Sonny Siaki and Brian Lawler.  I might as well use that as an opening to discuss the fact that I don’t really want to recap these shows anymore.  My schedule has changed since I started doing these recaps X weeks ago, and it’s a real hindrance for me to get it done for Rick in time to post Thursday.  That’s not the whole reason, though, because I am just not enjoying TNA programming.  I am paying an extra $40 each month for these shows, and I damn sure ain’t making any money to recap them!!  I had originally approached Rick with the idea to recap tapes from various Indy federations around the country, and I think that I will be re-approaching that subject with him soon.  That way, I can write one column a month instead of one per week…I honestly don’t know how Rick can write 3-4 times per week and maintain that for as long as he has!  I won’t be quitting cold turkey, so to speak, and I will be around at least until the holidays.  I’m pretty sure that I read on the TNA website that since X-Mas and New Years both fall on a Wednesday this year, they will not be broadcasting on the 25^th or January 1^st.  Furthermore, I think that the website says that their last show of the year will be taped on 12/12 and broadcast on 12/18.  If I decide to bow out, that seems like as good a time as any to do it.

I don’t want to leave entirely, and if you’d like to see me stick around, you can help me out by emailing Rick and telling him that you support my idea to broaden the Indy scene exposure on the site by including my tape recaps…you can also email me and tell me what Indy promotions you’d like to see get exposure by having their tapes recapped on OO.

I’m wrappin’ things up here, so let me give you the Sign o’ the Night from last Wednesday:  First we have my wife’s favorite, We Want Gertner.  Amey was always a sucker for Gertner’s nasty poetry, but she admits that what she really wants is to see the reunion of Joey Styles and Joel Gertner.  My favorite sign last week was one that took me back to WCW’s heyday, when Eddy Guerrero wore an airbrushed T-shirt with this logo on it: Cheat To Win!

PEACE

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