And then Impact! came along.  A show I could tivo and watch later…Amey even commented when we watched it together one evening, how glad she is to have a wrasslin’ show in our lives again.  Are they the best wrasslin’ shows I’ve ever seen?  No.  Have I enjoyed them?  Yeah, I really have, and Amey has too.

Side story: Amey really enjoyed seeing Sharkboy chasing Popeye throughout Universal Studios.  Sure, it was presented as a fluffy 20-second commercial, but think about what that must have been like for Sharkboy.  Five years ago when we first saw Sharkboy, he was going for the HWA Cruiserweight Title at one of the Brian Pillman Memorial Shows, and today he is being filmed running all throughout the park performing shark-related antics.  And, he was able to do it all without compromising the integrity of the Sharkboy character…Bret Hart should be so lucky!

Anyway, we’ve seen all of the Impact! shows except for one, and I have to say that they haven’t exactly gotten me fired-up for the two-year anniversary show…I’m not even using capital letters when I describe it, fer chrissakes!!  But, partly out of nostalgia (I want to see Tha Truth going for the World Title one more time), and partly out of obligation (it’s already has been too long since I’ve sent anything to Rick), I decided to buy the show.  So much for the set-up, here’s the delivery…

NWA: TNA Two-Year Anniversary Show

Jeremy Borash welcomes us to the anniversary, and reminds us that cable piracy is a crime.  Amey immediately remembers what it was about his voice that she hated!  Lots of clips and stuff (some footage from feuds that won’t be on tonight’s show) gets us kicked off, and Tenay runs-down the three title bouts tonight.

Nosawa & Miyamoto v. America’s Most Wanted (champs): NWA Tag Team Title Match.  During the ring intros, a group of wrasslin’ legends comes out to sit at a table near ringside and watch the event…there is Sara Lee & Corsica Joe, Mickey Doyle, Larry Zbysco, Harley Race, and conspicuous by his absence is Dusty Rhodes.  The Dream was the recipient of a wildly entertaining guitarshot from Jarrett on the last Impact! show, and I also want to point out that the only reason that I knew all of those names is because they had pieces of paper with their names printed on them taped to their chairs, and the camera zoomed-in on the names as the legends found their way to the appropriate seats.  Oh, and if you’ve never heard of Mickey Doyle, well Tenay immediately lets us know that he was the 1971 NWA Rookie of the Year.  Not only is Doyle here to sit with the legends, but also he is here for a separate, personal reason, which will be addressed…later tonight!

The match begins with Miyamoto and Storm.  After an even opening minute or two, Storm tags Harris in, and Miyamoto is on the receiving end of a couple of Clotheslines from the Wildcat before tagging-out.  Nosawa comes in, and after Harris gets a couple of blows in, Nosawa clips the knee, and follows-up with a wicked Shining Wizard…which Tenay calls correctly!  Oh, and before the match really gets started, I should tell those of you that have not seen the Japanese contingent in this match, Miyamoto is the one that is channeling The Great Muta by spitting green mist, and Nosawa…well, Nosawa is just nuts!

Harris whipped into the ropes, and Storm is able to get the blind tag.  When Harris comes off the ropes, he is able to catch Nosawa with a basic Bodyslam, and then when Nosawa sits up, he meets the feet of the just entering Storm.  That was a nice sequence, but Nosawa stops the momentum with a kick to the head, and then after they start to trade kicks, it is surprisingly James Storm that comes out on top.  Nosawa makes the tag, but that is kind of a moot point, because he pulls Storm outside, and he and Miyamoto bring the heel beatdown, whipping him into the guardrail, the ring itself, and later the ringpost.  Storm has a brief Ricky Morton moment, which he ends with a Flying Headscissors…a favorite of the Rock n’ Roll Express, of course.  Miyamoto has one last chance, and then as he goes for the ‘Rana, Storm reverses it into a Sit-Out Powerbomb.  Both men are down.  As the count reaches about six, both men make the tag to their partners.

Wildcat gets the better part of Nosawa with some left hands, before things deteriorate into a four-way brawl.  Harris rolls out, Miyamoto ducks a Clothesline from Storm, and walks right into a Spear from Harris!  Two different camera angles made that nice, as Harris appeared out of nowhere.  Back to the match, Nosawa ducks a Clothesline, and then turns around into a Superkick from Cowboy James Storm.  They set-up for the Death Sentence (which has Tenay creaming in his jeans), Harris comes off the turnbuckles, and the ending is academic at that point, 1, 2, and 3.

As the Tag Champs head up the ramp way with their belts, The Naturals attack them from behind with steel chairs.  That’s one of the feuds I was talking about that was discussed at the beginning of the show that won’t be contested tonight.  For some reason that I never saw live, the Naturals stole the ring wear of the AMW.

Kid Kash w/Dallas interview by Scott Hudson.  Hudson tells Kash that he is impressed by Kash’s toughness, attempting to work-through a broken leg, but that very injury has gotten him pulled from his X-Division championship match tonight.  “Obviously, Scotty Not-So Hotty,” Kash begins, telling Hudson that in his fifteen year career he has come back from injury…and he’s still aiming for AJ Styles.

Since TNA doesn’t know who Styles’ opponent will be tonight, we watch a weird video that is supposed to be a message from that opponent, sent from the future.   O…Kay.  The voice is hard to understand because it is run through some sort of effects pedal, and the vignette itself is a little too artsy-fartsy for it’s own good, so if you had any doubt that it was going to be Jeff Hardy, that should have settled it!  Ha ha!

Another short video sets-up the women’s match…a year ago, Desire was poised to become the #1 lady in TNA, until Trinity broke her back.  Since then, Trinity has risen the ranks, but now Desire is back…and they’re going to have themselves a nice Stretcher Match.

Trinity v. Desire in a Stretcher Match:  Trinity comes to the ring first, and when Desire comes out, Sonny Siaki meets her at the top of the ramp, gives her some encouraging words, and then goes back to the back.  Thanks for showing up, Siaki!!  I’ll say this for the ladies, they are trying their asses off, but there’s something about a women’s match that is mostly brawling that doesn’t work for me.  They brawl through the audience, a few spots here and there, but mostly basic punches, kicks, chops, etc.  The biggest problem that I have with the match is the fact that the Black Shirted Security Guys are at ringside, and for some reason, it is their responsibility to, upon command from one of the combatants, pick her opponent up and place her on the stretcher.  How lame!  At one point, when Trinity sets a table up, the security guys not only place Desire on the stretcher, but they start to wheel her out of the building…and good ol’ Mike Tenay doesn’t miss a beat, claiming that the security is supposed to wheel her out to the waiting ambulance.  Trinity stops them, of course, shoves Desire off onto the table, climbs to the staircase landing, comes off, and…no!  Desire rolled off the table, Trinity went to the floor, and the security guys immediately scoop her up and roll her outside to the ambulance.  Sweet, merciful end to this match!  Desire tugs and tugs on the ambulance door, but it just won’t open.  Just about the time you start to think that she must be dumber than a door, it swings open, and Big Vito steps out.  Tenay sells that she was struck with “a heavy steel” door, as she lay unconscious on the ground.  Of course, after that, both Vito and Trinity stand-by idly and watch as the security guys and EMT workers load her onto the stretcher, strap her down, load her into the ambulance, and then finally Trinity wins the match by closing the ambulance door!  As the segment comes to a close, and Vito escorts Trinity off camera, we see a guy standing in the background in the parking lot, and he looks like he is about to fall-over from laughing so hard.  That about sums-up my feelings on this match.

Scott Hudson is backstage in the office of the TNA Director of Authority, Vince Russo, who is addressing the referees for tonight’s main event.  He then turns to Hudson, and repeatedly states that, “if a guitar is used, there will be a disqualification ON THE SPOT.”  That last part kept getting repeated, so I guess they want us to think it’s important.  Under any circumstances, if the guitar is used during the match, there will be a disqualification, and it will happen on the spot.  Also, he can’t comment on who Styles’ opponent will be…which sends us to another lame promo “from the future”.

Team Canada’s coach, Scott D’amore is feuding with Jerry Lynn, and we are treated to a video package detailing the whys and hows it all came to be.

Scott D’amore v. Jerry Lynn: Ultimate Grudge Match.  This is straight-up Team Canada’s Coach v. Team NWA’s Captain.  D’amore starts the match outside the ring, insisting that the ref count him out.  The ref isn’t falling for it, and explains that the match can’t officially begin without both men in the ring.  The early moments of the match mirror that: D’amore tries to get Lynn disqualified for using a closed fist, tries getting counted-out a couple more times.  After successfully slowing the match down, D’amore takes control, which gives Tenay and West the opportunity to discuss chairshots and X-Division challengers.  D’amore escapes Lynn’s cradle piledriver, and decides that he has had enough, and heads up the ramp.  The alleged comedy continues after Lynn brings him back to the ring, as Lynn is distracted by the ref, allowing D’amore to attack from behind.  Have you gotten the point yet?  Because I’m about to fast-forward the rest of the match.  The guys in the front row agree with me, as each time that they switch to the wide angle, we can see the two guys with the best seats in the house are turned completely around, with their backs to the ring.  I have no idea what has their attention, but I kinda wish I was watching it instead!  Here’s Tenay’s call: “D’amore looked like he was going for a Shoulderblock from the apron…Lynn saw it coming, he was able to answer, he was able to counter with the Legdrop.”  I’m assuming that Tenay made those comments with a straight face, trying to sell it like he’d never seen Lynn use that move before.  Sorry, but I was tired of that move a year and a half ago, begging Lynn to save it for rare occasions.  D’amore remains in control, and few people in the crowd appear to be paying this match much attention.  Lynn’s too good for this; he should’ve recognized the crowd’s apathy and forced a mini-comeback in there somewhere to bring the crowd back into it.  They just don’t care enough about D’amore to watch him control a match for 4-5 minute stretches.  Evidence of this comes as soon as both guys are down and the ref starts the ten-count.  A “Jerry, Jerry” chant starts up, and Lynn connects with a couple of high-impact moves, before going for the Cradle Piledriver, but D’amore gets out of it with a Backdrop (damn him).  D’amore goes for his own finishing move, The D’amoralizor, which starts in the Fireman’s Carry position, but Lynn reverses into an Inverted DDT.  1, 2, no.  Both men up, and D’amore gives Lynn a taste of the Cobra Clutch…just what this match needed, a rest hold!  D’amore goes for, and connects with a Moonsault, but Lynn kicks-out at 2 and 15/16^th.  D’amore can’t believe it, and he reaches for his Canadian flag, which is conveniently wrapped around a hockey stick, just in case you don’t hate him just for being Canadian…he likes hockey, for chrissake!  Long story short (if that is possible at this point): ref bump, Lynn with the Side Canadian Legsweep (using the flag across D’amore’s throat ala the Sandman’s White Russian Legsweep).  Back to the match, where there is no ref to make the count for Lynn.  Turning his back on his opponent, Lynn attempts to revive the ref, and D’amore breaks the hockey stick over Lynn’s back in a cool visual moment.  Tenay: “It can’t end this way!”  1, 2, and Lynn kicks out!  Tenay: “And it doesn’t end this way!”  D’amore can’t believe it, he hoists Lynn up for the D’amoralizor, but Lynn slips away, and on the second try he connects with the Cradle Piledriver for the 1, 2, 3.  Team Canada comes out one by one, which brings Team NWA out, also one by one, until we’ve got an eight-man brawl in the ring.  Team Canada scatters, and Team NWA stands tall in the ring, with Christopher Daniels waving the NWA banner.  The crowd rejoices as Tenay sends it to Scott Hudson in the back.

Hudson says that TNA is contractually obligated to bring you The NYC, which is the tag team of Glen Gilberti and Johnny Swinger.  I guess.  They are forced to wear silly costumes after losing a humiliation match, and if Gilberti doesn’t wear a leprechaun outfit then he loses his job.  Gilberti is less than pleased about his situation, but Swinger seems to have embraced his Hawaiian luau-girl outfit.  David Young enters, convinces Gilberti to have a double-or nothing match for the humiliation stipulation…, which doesn’t really make any sense, but I’ll give them a break as long as they wrap it up.  Next week there will be another Humiliation Match, this time Double-or Nothing.

Mini Pierroth v. Mascarita Sagrada in a Special Attraction Match.  I’m not the hugest fan of the minis, and I really don’t like the way TNA presents them…Pierroth is 4’ 0” tall, and weighs 150 lbs., while Sagrada is 3’ 5”, and 90 lbs.  They really should’ve gotten a ref that is taller than 5’ himself for this match, as some of the camera angles make Pierroth appear to be as tall as the ref!  The match isn’t really much, but after gaining control, Pierroth attempts to remove Sagrada’s mask…almost succeeding a couple of times.  Pierroth controls the entire match, until Sagrada gets a roll-up out of nowhere for the win.

David Young attacks both of the minis after the match, because he hasn’t had a win yet in TNA, or something.  D-Ray comes to the rescue, and Tenay lets me know that D-Ray has defeated Young twice, so I guess that means their feuding!  Both of the midgets bite Young on the ass, and when he grabs them and attempts to pick them both up for stereo Chokeslams, The Ref leaps up and connects with a Dropkick on Young!  Sign him to the roster, that was a nice Dropkick!  With Young on his back, first Sagrada, then Pierroth, and finally D-Ray pile on top of him, and the ref makes a 3-count.  Tenay and West assume that gives Young three more losses.  The match itself was nothing, but the extra-curricular were cool!

A short video clip details the return of Rick’s favorite former HWA Heavyweight Champion, D-Lo Brown.  Afterward, Scott Hudson holds the mic as D-Lo tells us that he is going to challenge the winner of tonight’s World Title Match.  Monty Brown attacks at that moment, and just like that we know who D-Lo’s opponent will be next week!

AJ Styles (champ) v. Jeff Hardy: X-Division Title Match.  Hardy’s introduction blows the roof off the joint, which doesn’t appear to sit well with Styles, who has been busting his ass in this building for the last two years.  Then again, Styles always seems to have that scowl on his face, so maybe he is happy to see Jeff, and I just can’t tell!  I’m not the biggest Hardy fan in the world, but I did roll myself a fattie to celebrate his return to action!!  Sweet!  Oh, and I would be remiss if I did not mention the white hanky hanging from Hardy’s left pocket, which, as we all know mean that he is looking for somebody to jerk-off…and judging by the length of that towel, not just anybody will do!  Typical fast-n-furious action to start, and although there is an apparent split in the crowd, I believe that the “Hardy” chants are a bit more exuberant than the “AJ” ones.  They exchange open-hand chops, but Styles puts a stop to that with a kick to the leg.  I love this guy!  Whip into the ropes, followed by a Dropkick by the champ, who is fired-up, and we get a brief glance at Hardy’s sweet forearm tattoo.  Styles sent outside, and Hardy dives through the ropes with a Dropkick that sends Styles into the barricade.  When Styles gets back to his feet, Hardy comes over the top rope with a Slingshot Plancha.  Back in the ring, where Hardy remains in control, until Styles connects with a Flying Forearm.  Both men are down, and we get a camera angle which we can clearly see Jeremy Borash standing in the aisle waving his arms, goading the fans to cheer louder.  The crowd seems a little more evenly split between the two at this point, and when Hardy misses a high-risk move, Styles sets him up on the top turnbuckle, and climbs up behind him.  Hardy shoves him off, and then leaps backwards from the top with a Twisting Move of some sort.  Tenay asks the guys in the truck to give us a replay, which we get…and wouldn’t you know it, as soon as we go to replay, Tenay starts yelling, “Cut back live! Cut back live!”  When we get back to the live feed, Kid Kash and Dallas have hit the ring and taken-out both Hardy and Styles.  It appears that Hardy is walking to the back as the beatdown continues on Styles, but then Hardy slides back into the ring with a steel chair and takes Kash out.  Dallas avoids the second chairshot, and grabs Hardy for a Chokeslam, but Styles has retrieved the chair and takes the big man down.  With Dallas laying flat on the mat, Hardy comes from the top with his patented Swanton Bomb.  Play his music!  The heels scamper to the back, and we are left to see if Hardy and Styles will shake hands.  Well, rather than extend his hand, Hardy makes the Hardy Boyz hand sign, and puts it right in Styles’ face.  Styles slaps his hand away, and after making the universal sign for “I want the belt” Hardy leaves the ring, but only after a few less-than pleasant words exchanged with Styles.  So I guess the tag match that I am expecting for next week will have some tension between the faces, eh?

Shane Douglas is in an undisclosed location, to present Raven’s dedication to the Original Sheik.  He says that Raven is not there, but what he sees, and what we are about to see, will shock and sicken us.  As Sabu enters the room, the camera pans out to show a plastic dummy hanging from a noose with a picture of Sabu pinned to it, along with a piece of paper that says, “Nevermore Raven.”  Before Sabu can react, Mickey Doyle enters the frame.  Remember him, the extra guy sitting amongst the legends?  Well, Tenay had pointed out at some point during the show that Doyle had wrassled for years in Michigan, working for Sabu’s uncle The Sheik.  So here comes this guy, that we are told has known Sabu longer than anybody…Raven has disrespected Sabu, disrespected his family, and disrespected The Sheik.  It’s time for Sabu to do the right thing.  Doyle ends the promo with a hug and an, “I love you, brother.”  Maybe that is why he is best known only as 1971 Rookie of the Year.  Ha!  Burn!!

West and Tenay go through the matches for next week, but since it was last week by the time you read this, I’m not going to transcribe.  They also introduce the legends that are in attendance, and I could do worse than cut-and-pasting it into this paragraph: …there is Sara Lee & Corsica Joe, Mickey Doyle, Larry Zbysco, Harley Race, and conspicuous by his absence is Dusty Rhodes.

A short video details the feud between my favorite black wrassler, and my favorite Ric Flair wanna-be…nothing of note, other than guitars have been an integral part of Jarrett’s wins, thus the no-guitar stipulation for tonight.

Ron “Tha Truth” Killings v. Jeff Jarrett (champ): NWA World Title Match.  Jeremy Borash gives us the boxing-style introductions, starting with TNA Senior Official, Rudy Charles.  It seems that Tha Truth has quite a few fans in tonight’s crowd, and if my lip reading abilities are what I think they are, Jarrett told Killings “fuck off” during the intros!  That’s what I’m talking ‘bout!!  The ref gets a little mic time, explaining the rules regarding guitars.  Some kind of music starts up, and Russo comes to the ring, and starts to look under the apron until he finds a silver guitar.  He holds it up for the crowd to see, and walks to the back.  Jarrett is incensed in the ring.  As Russo makes his way up the ring, Larry Zbysco comes over with a mic.  He tells Russo that he just had a conversation with Harley Race, “and it’s not like myself or Mr. Race ever did anything devious, but…”  He says that finding the guitar was too easy, and so Russo sends a ref under the ring to check the entire area.  He comes out with a guitar, this one wrapped in a tarp.  Russo and Zbysco smash the guitars on the ground, and Russo tells Jarrett, “Beat him straight up.”

The match begins, and they tie-up.  Nothing becomes of it, and we have a standoff in the ring.  Jarrett is the first to be sent to the mat, and Tha Truth does a little dance with a smile on his face.  Jarrett slides outside, and baits Killings out.  Back in, where Jarrett looks to take control, but Killings puts a halt to that, and Jarrett again slides under the ropes.  This time he walks all the way up the ramp, and Rudy Charles starts to count him out.  The title will change hands on a DQ or Count-Out, and Jarrett starts to walk down the ramp, pleading with the ref not to count him out.  The ref counts on, and Jarrett makes it back into the ring at 9, and then slides immediately back out to the floor!  He walks back up the aisle, and when the camera catches up with him, he is telling a fan, “That’s why I’m King o’ the Mountain, right there!”  Gutos to Jarrett on that one there, Gutos.

Jarrett makes it back into the ring, and Killings introduces his head to four of the six turnbuckles.  If you are interested in trivial minutiae, this is the first time that the NWA World Title has been contested in a six-sided ring.  Jarrett sends Killings outside to the apron, and then Dropkicks him off, and Tha Truth lands on the steel guardrail.  A couple of chairshots later (one of which breaks the back panel off the chair), and Killings is motionless on the ground.  Jarrett takes Killings and slams him into the announce table, and then to the legend’s table…but Killings blocks it, and lays Jarrett out on the table.  Killings starts to climb the lighting scaffold, but Jarrett is up, and hits him with a chairshot.  They battle on the stage area, and when Jarrett gets the best of that, he connects with his finisher The Stroke from the stage through a table to the floor!  He hurries back to the ring, and gets Rudy Charles to count him out.  He makes it to nine, and just when it looks like he is going to make it to ten, Killings quickly slides under the ring.  Tha Truth goes for a kick, but Jarrett catches the leg, and twists him up into the Figure Four.  First Killings tries for the ropes, and then when he starts to try and turn it, BG James and Konnan come out to cheer-on Tha Truth.  There is a referee assigned to ringside, however, and he immediately sends the other members of 3-Live Krew back to the dressing room.  Don West calls that a good move, since Jarrett is not allowed to have his guitar at ringside, he reasons that Killings should not be able to have any kind of advantage at ringside, either.  Sounds sensible, I guess.  I sure hope that reasoning doesn’t turn around and bite you in the ass, later.  Both men are down in the middle of the ring.

Both men up at eight, and Killings connects with a Leg Lariat, but when he starts to dance, Jarrett catches him with a wicked Clothesline.  Truth set up on the top turnbuckle, and Jarrett goes for the Stroke from standing on the middle rope, but Killings reverses into a Bulldog.  He covers for the pin, but the ref was a little bit out of position, and so he only gets two.  He perches on the middle rope, and waits for Jarrett to start to stand, and leaps towards him with an Ax Kick, but Jarrett dodges the move.  They battle for position in the corner, and Killings comes out carrying Jarrett in some bizarre Cradle move, holding Jarrett’s entire body up on his shoulder, and then when Killings drops down, it’s a Neckbreaker maneuver of some sort.  The move goes un-named by Tenay and West, so I’m not sure what to call it.  Killings drapes himself across the champ, but is unable to hook the leg, and so he only gets a two-count.  Jarrett starts to slide out of the ring, but Killings catches him.  Jarrett drops down, catching Killings across the top rope, which sends him reeling backwards into the ref.  With the ref staggering with his back to the action, Jarrett slides into the ring with the belt and lays Killings out.  Cocky cover by the champ, 1, 2, no!  Whip into the ropes, and Killings comes off with a Flying Forearm…right into the referee after Jarrett ducked out of the way!  Now that’s how you do a ref bump!  The first one didn’t really have me believing, but the ref is down and out after that one!  Jarrett slides outside, turns the ring steps over to reveal a guitar lying underneath.  That sly devil!  Several fans in the crowd flash the peace sign in support of their champion as he climbs back into the ring, guitar in hand.  Killings is on his knees in the middle of the ring, Jarrett winds up…but Killings blocks it!  Both men are up, fighting over the guitar, kick by Jarrett, kick by Killings…who’s going to win out?  Kick to the balls by Tha Truth, and that decides that.  Killings winds up, and shatters the guitar over the back of Jarrett’s head.  The ref revives as Tha Truth makes the cover…1, 2, and 3!

Two things that they have made crystal clear regarding the rules to this match: 1) Russo said that if a guitar was used, there would be a disqualification on the spot, but at no point was the possibility of the guitar being used against Jarrett considered possible; and 2) Russo stated that he made the no-guitar rule because he never wants to reverse the decision of the referee.  OK, do you got it?  Killings should be disqualified, but the referee in charge declared him the winner, so if Russo calls for the DQ, it would mean reversing the ref’s decision.  I can’t believe what I am about to write, but I like where this story by Russo is going…and I really like this version of the Dusty Finish.  While Russo talks with the refs, Jarrett is on his knees, pleading, “Do the right thing.”

Just then, The American Dream Dusty Rhodes comes to the stage with a mic, he tells Russo that, “Sometimes the wrong decision is the right thing to do.  Don’t make this decision with your head, make this decision with your heart.”  We’re out of time!!

The last thing we hear is Tenay hollering, “Will we have an answer this Friday on Impact!?”  I can answer that question for you, since it’s already happened; uh no, they’re gonna make you pay to find out.

Conclusion: Some crap, but not nearly as much as there was at times when I was recapping the shows.  Then again, this being the Two-Year Anniversary Show and all, the amount of crap should be small, and with that consideration, I think this show would have fallen short, if not for the amazingly entertaining main event.  It wasn’t a 5-star match, but I was into it, and so was the live crowd.  My major complaint is that Jeff Hardy’s match was so short, and with the screwy finish, it really amounted to nothing.  They should’ve stepped it up a notch or two if they were only given five minutes and a schmozz ending to work with.  All in all, it was a decent show, definitely worth the $10, but not enough to get me to become a regular customer again, and probably not one of the shows that I will come back to and watch several times.

PEACE

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