He asked Tenay, “Is he here tonight?”  When Tenay played dumb, he asked if Rhino was in the building.  Tenay confirmed that Rhino would be there tonight, and the crowd was ecstatic.  Jarrett said that we haven’t seen the last of him, sorry fans.  Don West then stood up for fans everywhere and said that everyone was tired of Jarrett’s act and that it was time for him to leave.  When did Don grow a pair?  Overall, the segment was great and set up issues between Jarrett and Rhino, or so we thought. 

Shocker defeated Jerrelle Clark in the only match on this month’s pre-game show.  He won the ShockerSphere, his small package pinning maneuver.  It was a decent little match, but it seems like Shocker’s run in TNA is coming to an end. 

The PPV proper kicked off with the requisite video package.  It was a pretty cool concept piece this time, they used a lot of footage in reverse which had a pretty cool effect.  There was a lot of pyro as we entered the arena, and no lasers.  We have officially left the 80’s in the Impact Zone. 

AMERICA’S MOST WANTED V. MICHAEL SHANE/ALEX SHELLEY (W/TRACI)

They did a good job of building this match around the rivalry between Shane and James Storm over both of them using the superkick.  Shelley was frustrated early that Storm was able to keep up with him in the ring.  Shane kept avoiding getting in the ring with Storm.  He left the ring, but Storm followed.  Shelley was able to cheap shot Storm on the outside due to the distraction.  He then dove off the apron, but Storm moved and Shelley crashed into the rail.  All four men brawled around ringside.  Storm threw Shelley off the ramp, and then dove off the stage with a clothesline.  Traci caught Harris with a low blow, but Shane couldn’t follow up.  Harris ended up hand cuffing Traci to the ringpost.  I won’t say any of the things that popped into my head while that was going on, this isn’t the time or place.  Harris ducked a superkick, and got the hot tag to Storm.  The Tennessee Cowboy tried to set a new record for the craziest hot tag of all time, and actually came pretty close.  He nailed Shane and Shelley with clotheslines, punches, and chops.  He hit the Eye of the Storm whirlybird on Shelley and teamed up with Harris for a Hart Attack on Shane.  Shelley broke up a Death Sentence attempt.  Storm was tossed over the top rope, tried to skin the cut and stay in, but Shane dropkicked him in the head.  Traci threw in one of her giant platform shoes to Shane, and he clocked Harris with it.  The Wildcat will not job to a shoe though, he hit a full nelson slam on Shane.  Storm superkicked Shelley and got the three count. 

While AMW celebrated after the bell, Shane cheap shotted Storm with a superkick of his own.  You can’t trust that Michael Shane, he’s sneaky.  We then got a replay of the Jarrett segment from the pre-game show.  Terry Taylor interviewed Team Canada.  They talked some smack to The Naturals, Lance Hoyt, and Christopher Daniels.  Jarrett interrupted and tried to get the Canadians to back him.  He said they could lose their jobs too.  Petey said they’d support Jarrett, but after he left, Roode said that Jarrett couldn’t be trusted. 

SUPER X CUP QUALIFYING MATCH:  MIKEY BATTS V. SHARK BOY V. ELIX SKIPPER V. SONJAY DUTT

Welcome to the crazy TNA X Division spotfest of the night.  Sonjay got things started with his patented super twisty hurricanrana on Skipper.  Batts tagged in, and I guess he’s turned heel now.  I must’ve missed that.  He cheap shots Shark Boy, and gets the dreaded Ass Bite for his troubles.  Elix matrixed out of a Shark Boy clothesline, but Dutt hit Skipper with a double stomp from the top rope.  That had to hurt, when did Sonjay get so mean?  Later on, Skipper went for his rope walk on Batts, but he slipped and barely hit it.  He barely avoided breaking his neck too, but everybody was okay.  At least there wasn’t a cage involved this time.  Once everyone was back in the ring, Batts tossed Dutt off the top rope onto Sharky.  Skipper hit his Sudden Death finisher on Batts.  Shark Boy hit the Dead Sea Drop finisher on Elix.  Dutt took Sharky out, and hit the Hindu Press on Batts for the win.  That’s the first time he’s hit that move in years it seems.  It’s about time Sonjay got a win, he had been treading into J.O.B. Squad territory. 

Speaking of the Squad, Simon Diamond came to the ring with its leader David Young.  Simon has a problem, and it’s that Young hasn’t reached his full potential.  I’ll agree with that, I’ve only been bitching about it here for months now.  He is Diamond’s new Diamond in the Rough.  He’s better than Trytan, that’s for sure.  Sonny Siaki and Apollo are out and I guess we have a new match added to the card. 

SIMON DIAMOND/DAVID YOUNG V. SONNY SIAKI/APOLLO

Siaki and Apollo dominated Young early on in the match.  Young did hit a nice springboard moonsault to Siaki on the outside.  Once back in the ring, Siaki and Young traded slaps and chops.  Apollo tagged in and dominated both Diamond and Young.  All four men were in the ring.  Young caught Siaki with his spinebuster, but Siaki wasn’t the legal man.  Apollo hit the TKO on Young and scored the pin. 

Bound for Glory was announced for October 23.  Tenay and West said it would be TNA’s “Super Bowl, World Series, and Final Four” wrapped into one. 

SAMOA JOE V. CHRIS SABIN

Joe’s strength versus Sabin’s quickness.  Early on, strength won.  Joe was in complete control of the early going, with the crowd chanting him along.  West made a good point about it being so difficult to get sustained offense on Joe.  Sabin tried to change that with a sequence of dropkicks that ended with Joe slamming into the rail on the outside.  That got some of the crowd back on Sabin’s side.  He went for a Cradle Shock, but couldn’t get Joe up.  Joe took control again and caught Sabin in the STF.  Sabin tried to fight to the ropes, but Joe switched into a Crossface.  Sabin kept reaching for the ropes, so Joe switched into another submission hold which neutralized Sabin’s arms.  Sabin eventually swung his foot around to get into the ropes.  That was a cool sequence.  Joe set Sabin up for the Muscle Buster, but Sabin blocked it.  He dropped down and hit a running powerbomb out of the corner, which only got a two count.  That was all Sabin had left though, he couldn’t avoid Joe’s second attempt at the Muscle Buster.  Joe locked in the Kokina Clutch (aka the “You’re My Bitch”) which made Sabin pass out.  Joe is your winner by submission. 

Post match, Joe keeps the hold on a lifeless Sabin until the referees break it up.  After a video package on the feud, we get a backstage interview with The Naturals, Lance Hoyt, and Jimmy Hart.  I didn’t know Hoyt could talk, not too bad out of the big fella. 

TEAM CANADA V. THE NATURALS/LANCE HOYT (W/JIMMY HART)

Did Lance Hoyt get new music, or have I just blocked it out in the past?  It was alright, but no match for the best entrance theme in TNA for The Naturals.  The match kicked off with Stevens, Douglas, and Hoyt destroying the hapless Canadians.  The kicker was Hoyt hitting a plancha on Roode, Hoytamania was definitely running wild at the Impact Zone.  I’m not proud of the fact I had to add Hoytamania to the spell checker though.  You can’t count out the wily Canadians though, they engineered quite the ploy to get Jimmy Hart ejected from ringside.  Roode had the infamous hockey stick in the ring, but then tossed it to Hart and acted like he had been hit with it.  When the ref turned around and saw Hart with the stick, he tossed him out.  While Douglas and Hoyt argued, the Canadians tried to reprise the War of 1812 on Chase Stevens.  Chase was playing the role of Ricky Morton tonight.  After what seemed like an eternity, Stevens was able to get the hot tag to Hoyt.  Hoyt slams every Canadian he sees.  Everyone’s in on the action at this point.  Hoyt clotheslines A-1 out of the ring, and follows behind him.  The Naturals go for the Natural Disaster on Eric Young, but Roode breaks it up using Jimmy Hart’s left behind megaphone.  While A-1 holds Hoyt’s leg and keeps him from helping, Young pins Stevens to get the win for Team Canada.  Unfortunately, the ref forgot who the legal man was in this match. 

Terry Taylor is backstage with Monty Brown and The Outlaw.  Oops, he’s not The Outlaw any more, not after the WWE threw a hissy fit about it.  Since he loves BG James’ family so much, and BG’s father Bullet Bob told him he was like a son to him, The Outlaw (formerly Rockabilly, formerly Billy Gunn, formerly Mr. Ass) is now known as Kip James.  Last time I checked, Bullet Bob’s last name was Armstrong.  You guys are just confusing.  Jarrett interrupts Monty’s promo, looking for Rhino.  Kip says he’ll side with Jeff, but Monty isn’t so sure.  Monty did give Jeff props on his fashion sense though, so that’s good. 

3 LIVE KRU V. KIP JAMES/MONTY BROWN

It’s hard to even type Kip James without laughing.  This match is a street fight, so tags aren’t necessary.  The beginning brawl is highlighted by a ridiculous flip dive by Killings on Brown on the outside.  Kip’s head burst from trying to think of a new name, he started bleeding pretty much from the bell.  After taking a couple of cookie sheet blasts, Kip pulls the ref in front to get knocked out.  The Kru does their variation of the Dudleys’ “Whazzzzup” spot, except with Killings leg dropping Brown’s balls.  They try to do the same to Kip, but Monty knocks Killings off the top rope.  Brown does his best to get the fans to hate him, talking trash to the front row.  He goes for the Alpha Bomb on Killings, but it’s reversed into a hurricanrana.  An axe kick followed that up, but Kip pulled the new ref out before he could count to three.  Ref #2 is taken out of action by Kip, Rudy Charles is going to have to ref the rest of the night.  Kip then DDT’s Konnan onto a chair.  Monty pounces Killings all the way across the Serengeti and gets the pin. 

BG James finally returns from the side of the milk carton and shows up on the ramp at the end of the match.  He’s seen mouthing, “Kip James?”  Even he knows his real name is Armstrong.  Kip calls him to the ring and wants him to blast Killings with a chair.  BG can’t do that to the Suntanned Superman though, he tosses the chair down and leaves.  The crowd is chanting “New Age Outlaws” the whole time.  Can we get a resolution to this something before 2025? 

Jerry Lynn gets a full entrance to be the special guest referee for the Styles/Waltman match.  He gets a nice response too, welcome back Jerry.

AJ STYLES V. SEAN WALTMAN

The crowd was really buzzing for this one.  AJ is more aggressive than we’ve seen him in a long time, controlling the early part of the match.  He slams Waltman repeatedly in the early going, tries to make Sean submit with a nice deathlock and bridge, and hits a picture perfect flip dive to the outside.  Waltman reverses the momentum by slamming AJ into the ring post crotch first.  Once back in the ring, AJ avoids the Bronco Buster and gets Waltman up for the Styles Clash.  Waltman escapes with heel kicks to AJ’s head and ends up getting the Bronco Buster after all.  Really nice sequence.  A classic Sean spinkick sends AJ to the outside.  Waltman decides to try to decapitate AJ with his hip, nailing him with a nasty suicide dive off the turnbuckle.  AJ’s head slams back into the rail and he’s bleeding from the nose and mouth.  Now that AJ is fully in pissed off mode, he slams Waltman into the post crotch first.  Back in the ring, and AJ hits the Angry Man Springboard Super Flying Forearm Smash.  His patented Asai DDT gets a two count.  He goes for his suplex into a neckbreaker combination, but Waltman counters with a low blow mule kick.  I didn’t expect all the nut shots in this one.  Waltman hit a nice Northern Lights Suplex for a two count.  He goes to the top for a flying cross body, but AJ counters with a mean looking dropkick.  Styles Clash is up next, but Waltman kicks out and AJ can’t believe it.  He goes up for the Spiral Tap, but Waltman gets out of the way.  An X-Factor looks to finish it off, but Styles kicks out at two.  Sean decides he’s had enough and goes outside for a chair.  He wraps the chair around AJ’s knee, but referee Lynn puts a stop to that.  AJ rolls Waltman up, but Sean grabs the ropes.  Lynn has had enough of the shenanigans, kicks Waltman’s hands off the ropes, and AJ hits the Styles Clash for the win. 

Waltman is seen in the ring after the match yelling at Lynn.  We cut to the back and Jarrett is seen yelling at Director of Authority Larry Zybysko.  He tells him to let Rhino know that he’s the TNA Welcoming Committee. 

X DIVISION TITLE MATCH:  CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (C) V. PETEY WILLIAMS (W/A-1)

Things get started quickly here, with Petey taking control after a thumb to the eye.  Daniels is tossed outside, and Williams follows it up with smooth slingshot hurricanrana.  Back in the ring and Petey ties Daniels to the Tree of Woe, finishing it off with everyone’s favorite Oh Canada Crotch Stomp.  I don’t think that’s what Robert Stanley Weir had in mind when he wrote the Canadian anthem.  Coach D’Amore probably liked it though.  Petey keeps control, with a few cheap shots from A-1 thrown in for good measure.  Daniels is knocked outside and Petey goes for the hurricanrana again.  Daniels is pretty ticked at this point though, he catches Williams and powerbombs him into the ring apron.  Now, that was harsh, holy crap.  After that, Daniels starts working over Petey’s back.  Three backbreakers in a row get things started.  A Flatliner is turned into Daniels’ Koji Clutch.  A-1 gets Petey’s foot on the ropes, otherwise he was done for.  Samoa Joe comes out on the ramp to get a better look at the action, maybe the monitor went out backstage.  Daniels is dropkicked to the outside and is distracted by Joe.  A-1 takes advantage and tosses Daniels back into the ring, right into a DDT.  Daniels comes back with a DVD, as they start trading big moves.  Both men are spent by this point.  Daniels slams Petey, but Williams rolls Daniels into the Sharpshooter.  A-1 tries to pull the rope back, but Daniels gets to it anyway.  They trade reversals of each other’s finisher, then Petey reverses a second Angel’s Wings attempt into a hurricanrana.  They start trading shots in the middle of the ring, when Petey slams Daniels down into a crucifix pinning attempt.  That only gets a two count though.  A-1 tosses Petey a chain.  Daniels, however, is ready with a chain of his own.  He knocks Petey out and then gets the pin after the Best Moonsault Ever. 

Tenay and West hype the next PPV, Sacrifice, in August.  They show the hype video for the World Title match and Jeremy Borash does the extra special ring introductions.

DOUBLE DOG COLLAR, NO SURRENDER MATCH FOR NWA WORLD TITLE:  RAVEN (C) V. ABYSS (W/JAMES MITCHELL)

The ref connects the chain to the collars and away we go.  Damn, that chain is huge, it’s a lot bigger than they’ve used in the past I think.  Raven scores the first big move, yanking Abyss head first into a chair set up between the ropes.  Raven starts whipping Abyss with the big chain, which has to be worse than the old belt his Dad used to use.  Abyss reverses things on the floor, nearly chokeslams Raven through a table, but ends up tossing him back in the ring instead.  He sets a chair on Raven’s chest, and frog splashes him from the middle rope.  I didn’t know they made frogs that big.  Raven’s then tossed on a stack of chairs, but he’s able to avoid the leg drop.  Raven goes for New Jack’s trusty staple gun.  He takes a dollar bill out and STAPLES IT TO ABYSS’ HEAD.  New Jack is so pissed he didn’t think of that that he breaks his TV at home.  Well, I guess that means he at least had one real staple in the gun.  The impressive part is that the bill stays there for the rest of the match.  It goes without saying that both men are bleeding at this point.  They brawl up the ramp, and Abyss and Mitchell set up some tables.  Abyss takes Raven up to the stage to chokeslam him off, but Raven reverses it, sending Abyss crashing through two tables.  Raven forgets he’s attached to Abyss by a chain though, the Monster recovers enough to yank him off the stage through another table.  Home Depot is doing some business in Orlando tonight!  They go back to ringside, where Raven hits Abyss with a nice open field tackle through a table propped against the ring post.  Mike Ditka would be proud.  Back in the ring, the Evenflow DDT only gets two.  Raven tosses Abyss over the top rope and proceeds to hang him.  Mitchell jumps in the ring and breaks his cane over Raven’s back to break it up.  The dirty cheater Abyss takes his collar off and gets his trusty thumbtacks.  Hasn’t he learned from the last few times who ends up wearing the tacks?  He goes for the choke slam, but Steve Richards breaks it up.  Actually, it’s a bad Stevie impersonator otherwise known as Cassidy Reilly.  Dustin Rhodes tries to mentor the poor kid, and now he’s just Raven’s secret admirer?  Reilly does eat a chokeslam through a table for his troubles, Stevie would have been proud.  Abyss sets up Raven in the corner and starts slugging away, but Raven drops down and powerbombs Abyss into the tacks.  Abyss is used to the tacks though, and kicks out at two.  Both men are up, and Raven walks into a Black Hole Slam, but that only gets two as well.  Raven ends it with an Evenflow headfirst into the tacks.  Raven sacrificed his ass to get the move off too, they’re both covered in tacks.  Raven retains his World Title.

To the delight of pretty much no one, Jarrett’s music hits after the match.  He comes out, says Raven’s nightmare is over, and he’s there to give him a wake up call.  If you’re not awake after getting tacks in your ass, you might be dead.  The wake up call is not Jarrett’s guitar though, it’s a GORE, GORE, GORE by the debuting Rhino.  Jarrett fooled us all along, Rhino’s with him.  So, who’s going after the title now?  Jarrett, or Rhino?  I guess we’ll see this week on Impact..

CLOSING THOUGHTS

• The Jarrett promo on the pre-show was very well done.  He plays paranoid well.  Some people seem to have a problem that TNA is making Rhino out to be a big deal, I don’t.  WWE didn’t push Rhino hard, but he always got good reactions from the fans and could go when given the chance.  In Rhino’s case, I don’t think how WWE used him matters to fans. 
• Whoever removed the lasers, I would like to thank you.  The check is in the mail. 
• Traci is…  Uh…  Wow.
• AMW v. Shane/Shelley was a good pick for an opener, it got the night started nicely.  I like the Shane/Storm rivalry and hope they continue with it for a while, especially if they’re going to keep AMW out of the Tag Title scene and keep them as faces. 
• The Super X Qualifier was fine, typical multiple person X Division wackiness.  I’m surprised they gave Dutt the win, I thought for sure it’d be Skipper.  I like it though.
• Why did they put Diamond/Young v. Siaki/Apollo on the PPV with no build up?  Did the pre-show segments run long?  It seems like maybe that was the case.  Look, I might be David Young’s biggest fan, but that match had no point being on the PPV.
• Joe/Sabin was quite good, with both guys coming out of it well.  The segment with Joe switching submission holds as Sabin fought to get to the ropes was excellent.  I think I might have expected too much out of Joe due to the hype when he was signed.  He’s great, but I don’t think we’ve seen everything yet.  Isn’t that right, ROH fans? 
• I need to stop making fun of Lance Hoyt, he’s really been doing well with the ridiculous pops he’s been getting.  Maybe it started as a joke, but he deserves it now.  If the fans keep it up, Vince is going to pay a lot of money to steal him away. 
• Kip James?  That’s the best they could come up with?  BG’s reaction after the match to it almost made it worth it though.  Can we just finish this story, please?  I think I’ve typed that last sentence about 47 times in the last few months.
• Styles/Waltman was very good, although I thought AJ was finally dead in the middle of it.  No more suicide dives Sean, please.  The ending was a little weak, with Lynn kicking Waltman’s hands off the ropes.  It sets up Lynn v. Waltman, which is where both of them wanted to go in the first place though.  I’m curious to see that match-up.  What’s next for AJ?
• Daniels/Williams was another very good match.  Do not sign me up to take a powerbomb into the ring apron, Petey is crazy for taking that.  Both of these guys are so smooth in the ring that something it doesn’t even look like they’re breaking a sweat.  The Flatliner into the Koji Clutch is one of my favorite move sequences right now.  It looks like Joe is next for Daniels, at least that’s what they want you to think. 
• The main event was exactly what you’d expect out of a Double Dog Collar match.  It sure wasn’t a technical masterpiece, but the fans were on the edge of their seats anyway.  I was just talking to somebody recently about the staple gun spots and we were talking about how they don’t really use the staples.  Stop eavesdropping on me Raven!  That was really, really sick though.  I’m sure it’s been done before, but I hadn’t seen it. 
• I’ll reserve judgment on pairing Rhino with Jarrett until I see where it’s headed on Impact.  I don’t want to see Rhino as a lackey though.  Now, if Jarrett wants to use Rhino like Steve Corino did in ECW, I’d be okay with that.  That would be a good way to use Jarrett, without using him in the ring and pissing off some fans. 
• I don’t know the whole story, but I’m glad TNA didn’t use Matt Hardy.  I’m also glad they made a point of killing that rumor on their website Sunday afternoon.  While some of you will disagree, I don’t think it would have resulted in the right kind of exposure for TNA.  I don’t think Matt, or WWE, would have allowed TNA to end up going over in the situation.  What would have been the point then?  TNA doesn’t need to end up looking like the WWE, or Matt Hardy’s, pawns in a WWE storyline in order to get a little extra exposure.  That type of exposure wouldn’t be helpful, and I’m not even sure it would be all that substantial anyway.  It seems like a lot of the fans who know about the Matt Hardy saga at this point have already made up their minds on TNA.  The new, casual fans that TNA is trying to find don’t need to be exposed to TNA in a way that casts them in a negative light.  Okay, ranting over. 
• I wonder if Jeff cried when TNA decided not to use Matt.  Will he get invited back.
• Overall, the show and the replay is recommended.  No Match of the Year candidates, but you can’t complain about the goodness of Joe/Sabin, Styles/Waltman, and Daniels/Williams.  Raven/Abyss definitely brought the violence, the opener was solid, and nothing was downright offensive.  Except for maybe the grand revealing of Kip James…
• I came out ahead on the prediction battle this month, getting seven out of eight.  Cory and Brad tied for second with 6/8, while Michael came in fourth with 5/8, and Chris brought up the rear with 4/8.  Since we began with the predictions, the overall standings are as follows:  Cory is in the lead on percentage, getting 71.4% of his picks on two shows, while I’m at 68% on three shows.  Michael and Brad are tied for third, right on 56% of their picks.  Chris is in fourth at 40% and Angry Fat Man might be too afraid to reappear after going two for nine in his only attempt. 

I hope you enjoyed it and we’ll be back to preview TNA’s next PPV offering, Sacrifice on August 14.