by Christopher Robin Zimmerman  The Cubs Fan
SlashWrestling.com/OnlineOnslaught.com

TV 14 DLV CC Eric

Cold start - JR tells us that we're live from Houston, Texas (SAP!). We hear the familiar music playing as we head to the ring, where Eric Bischoff and Lita are already waiting for us. Guess who talks: "For those of you thinking about checking out football tonight, hold on to that thought! Because right here on RAW, that's where the real action is! Because tonight, Eric Bischoff is going to break you three championship matches! Trish Stratus - she's gonna defend the Women's Title. Chris Jericho will be defending the InterContinental championship and right here, the World Heavyweight Champion - Triple H will be defending his title right here tonight, so don't go anywhere! [JR: "Three main event matches!"] But hey, it gets really good, because at No Mercy, I'm gonna do something really unprecedented - the InterContinental champion facing the World champion, winner takes all! One show, one champion, that's what it's all about! Some people may say, that's a little unprecedented, a little unorthodox, perhaps a little radical, but you know what? That's what Eric Bischoff is all about! [King: "He's rad to the max!" JR: "That's ballsy booking!" King: "What?"] At least, that's what I thought. Which brings me to you, Lita. You see, not that long ago, someone from WWE.com asked you a simple question; they asked you what you thought was a better show, RAW or SmackDown! In fact, let's see your answer - survey says! [ParallelogramTron shows the (incomplete) answer] 'I think SmackDown! is definitely better -- definitely better, by far. And I don't think it's the talent on the show.' Well Lita - you little bitch! Who the hell do you think you are? I mean, this coming from a women that she thought she was a such big star that she went out to Hollywood and broke her neck? Huh? And now you're basically worthless?" Lita takes the mic. "All I'm saying Eric, is that maybe if you had some respect for the people who work for your show, who risk their lives in this ring night after night, they might have some respect for you. It's just my opinion." "I don't give a damn about your opinion! In fact, you want to keep that cushy little announce job I just got you on Heat? You want do a little make good? Well I'll tell you what - I'm gonna give you [looks at watch] three minutes. How about that?" Lita looks around for a bit and finally Rosie, Jamal and Rico show up in what would have been plenty of time for her to duck out. Oh well. Eric tells them to go to it and they start corner her, but Jeff Hardy is in (Eric sliding out while seeing Jeff come down the ramp but not warning his men - Rico is out with him) - Rights for Jamal, right for Rosie, rights for Jamal, Rights for Rosie - these are not the scariest looking punches ever.  Swipe for Rico on the apron, but he drops down to avoid it - Jamal SUPERKICK. Jeff out, so let's pick up where we left off - and now it's Booker T and Goldust into make the save. They're a little better. Ring is cleared by punches in no-time. Jeff gets back in the ring - oh, Eric's got something to say again. "I'll tell you what, Goldust, Booker T, obviously you didn't learn anything last week from getting your ass kicked you got last week, what happens when you interfere in my business and mess with me. I tell you what, you guys are scheduled to face Rosie and Jamal tonight. You guys want action? We do it now! Start the damn match!"

Booker T and Goldust vs Rosie and Jamal (w/Rico) - Rise and Jamal run into the ring and the brawl is on. Lita and Jeff take off to the back - lots of help they are. Chad Patten shows up :05 after the bell. Rosie dumps Booker, double whip on Goldust, double head down too soon - kick for Rosie, drop down uppercut for Jamal. Goldust off the ropes, under a clothesline and Booker T back in with a double side kick! Goldust punches Jamal out of the ring, then helps Booker with Rosie - double whip, Goldust drops down and Booker hits the back elbow on RAW. Cover one two no. Goldust goes to his corner so Booker can tag him in. Goldust with a kick. Booker with a right. Double whip, Goldust jumping butt shot. One two Jamal breaks it up. While Rico distracts Chad, Jamal and Rosie hit a double flapjack on Goldust - I guess Rico was afraid he'd suddenly stop people from using double teams. Booker in for his side but now Patten is stopping him - Jamal in without a tag to punch Goldust in the head. Goldust fighting he is ways up for him knees and gets a shot to the chest. Shots to the back. Loud Rico Sucks chant is acknowledge - after a bit of discussion, King wonders how they could prove such a thing. Choke on the ropes. Jamal kicks Goldust into Rosie's corner, but Goldust is fighting back with rights and back elbows. An eye poke stops that rally, tag to Rosie. JR "It's obvious that Rico has fine tuned this team" Forearms. "Rico's Gay" chant is not acknowledged. King says they haven't yet kicked off on MNF - so you can flip now without having missing anything! Nice of him. Whip, push down. Off the ropes, twisting legdrop one two Booker breaks it up. Patten yells him back into the corner, while Jamal sneaks in to help the clubbing. Rosie goes out and Patten misses the non-tag. Shoulders to the gut. Forearm to the back. JR doesn't know how much Rosie weighs but King knows he was an OL for Emmitt Smith in high school. Right for Booker on the apron. Rights by Jamal. "Goldust" chant. Goldust kick and elbowing back. Jamal's head to turnbuckle - Goldust turns and celebrates and gets clotheslined in the back. Tag to Rosie. Right. Rosie with a whip, slam no Goldust slips behind, reverse neckbreaker. Both crawling to their corners. King wonders why Eric would give Lita a job on Heat. Tag to - Jamal, tag to Goldust! Booker ducks the right, right, right, right, right, whip, reversed, Jamal's clothesline misses and Booker with a standing spin kick. Rights for Rosie, whip, reversed, reversed into a Houston Ax Kick. Jamal with a clothesline to stun him, whip, but Booker back with a forearm. Cover one two NO. Rights for Jamal, but Jamal stops that with a knee. Whip, Clothesline misses and Booker hits a jumping (kinda) side kick. One two Rosie tries a splash on Booker, Booker moves and Jamal gets it. Booker throws Rosie out, and with everyone else down, what better time for it - there's the Spinarooni. Jamal pulling himself on the ropes - Booker's sizing him up (and waiting), Jamal stumbled into a kick to the midsection, off the ropes, Scissors Kick. One two thre- well, it should've been three, and only wasn't because Patten pulled his hand up at the last moment expected Rosie to break it up, only Rosie was running about a second late and Jamal never kicked out so there was no reason for Patten to pull up. JR tries to save it by saying it was a slow count, and Goldust dives in to break up the (non) save. Crowd is very unhappy. Goldust works over Rosie, but Rosie flips him to the floor where Rico leaves him with a SUPERKICK. Back in the ring, Rosie whips Booker - Booker with a double clothesline! Right for Rico, ducking a Jamal clothesline, running right into a Rosie splash. Jamal going up - top rope splash. One two three. (6:32)  You know it's WCW when someone loses in their home town. They have entrance music? We'll I'll be.  Three title matches later - break now.

This is Donald Duck and the cartoonist, right? Her comments didn't make any sense in regards to SmackDown! v RAW. Anyway, I hear all the big Hollywood types are into breaking their necks nowadays.

Moments Ago, Booker T got screwed (not shown) and then lost. Here's two replays of the splash - JR: "Booker went down like the US Ryder Cup Team this weekend!" What

Backstage, Coach talks to Rosie, Jamal and Rico: "Well, I got to say an impressive victory for Rosie and Jamal over Booker T and Goldust just moments ago, but gentlemen, everyone wants to know what is your goal here on RAW?" Rico: "Our goal? Well isn't it obvious Coach? Rosie and Jamal are the reason I came to RAW! So I could - RICO- could lead the most dominant team the WWE has ever seen to World Tag Team gold!" "
"Well, with that said-" Rosie: "And nobody - and I mean nobody - is going to get in our way!" "I have a second question-" Jamal: "And if anyone tries to stop us, including your punk ass Coach, I guarantee you, we will - I mean WE WILL let them feel the THREE MINUTE WARNING!"

Lance Storm watches this in the locker room, remembering when he was part of the flavor of the month. Oh wait, it's Christian to complain. "Must be nice to celebrate a win. Maybe we'd be able to celebrate to, if someone didn't cost us the tag team titles last week." "Excuse me? You're blaming me for losing the tag team titles last week?" "Well, if I can be serious for a minute, I think it was your shoulders that got pinned to the mat, not mine." "Maybe if I had a partner who would back me up instead of one one that screams like a little girl when being chokeslammed by the Hurricane." "That man's a superher- that's not important. Check out my resume, I'm an eight time tag team champion!" Here's the other two: "Guys, guys, relax man, you two sound like a couple of American babies fighting with each other. Get it together." Regal: "I suggest you let Lance concentrate on his match with Randy Orton." "Fine, you won't have me to drop to blame when you drop the ball again." "Enough, enough, I'm sick of all this infighting - tonight, we've got our chance to show ourselves as a dominate force. Now, Lance, concentrate on your match tonight with Randy Orton." Lance walks off. Christian. "Good luck." 

Backstage (3), Terri talks to Chris Jericho. "Chris, are at all worried that later tonight, when you face Kane, your Inter Continental title could be in jeopardy." 

Jericho: Worried? Oh, that's rich. Did you hear what EB said earlier? At No Mercy, the World Champion, the Inter Continental champion vs the World Champion, with the winner becoming the only champion, so tonight, I'm gonna beat Kane and go straight to the main event of No Mercy. So to answer your question, I feel magnificent, I feel glorious, I feel glorficiant you assclown!

Terri: "Well even you would have to admit Kane's chances of winning are -

Jericho: "No no no, Kane's what? Kane's chances of winning are about as real as your chest. [of course, for the first time, Terri is wearing something that minimizes the impact of her chest.] This interview is over." Or maybe not - 

Gregory Helms [showing up with tape recorder]: "Excuse me, excuse me, Mr. Jericho. Gregory Helms, Ace Reporter for the Daily Globe. Now, are my sources telling me correctly, - you think can beat Kane? What is up what that?" [JR laughs]

Jericho: "Your sources? What, has everyone in this company gone insane? Let me tell you, Greg- Gregory, no matter what you and your friend Kane says, freaks are not cool, freaks are LOSERS. Just ask Goldust, just ask 'aaaah' Booker T. You want to talk about cool? I am cool! I am a champion! I'm a huuuge rock star! And if you think I'm going to be intimated by some kind of a giant red freak jackass in a [mocking] crazy scary mask, well then you are a..."

Kane [walking in from off screen]: "You are what?"

Jericho: "Like I said before, this interview is over." [Walks away.]

Terri: "Kane? Um, remember last week, when you kissed me for no apparent reason? Well, I just had something I wanted to add to that." [Kiss. Helms attempts to record. Walking away. Kane and Hurricane shrug.]

Kane: "What can I say? Chicks dig the mask." [Helms repeats silently to himself as Kane walks away.] 

Break.

Tuexdo Tag Team Title Change of Last Monday.

Lance Storm vs Randy Orton - Your announcers are JR and the King "Lance Storm is from Calgary, but based on the reaction he's getting here, you'd think he'd be from - oh, I dunno, IRAQ" "Yea, as a matter of fact, I think, Saddam Hussian would be a big fan of the Un-Americans!" Orton's got a new video, with "Superstar" in really big letters. Lockup, Lance with a go behind and forearms to the back. Whip, clothesline misses and Orton hits a forearm. Right, right, European Uppercut. Whip, reversed into a short clothesline. 3.0! In the back, Christian watches on and smiles at Storm's misfortune. Back in the ring, Storm is fighting back with forearms, whip, leaping side kick. One two NO. Turnbuckle smash, right, right. Storm talking an unusual amount of trash in this match. Corner whip, corner clothesline. Storm's now cranking a hammerlock. Kane vs Y2J and Triple H vs Bubba. Orton down to one knee. Also Trish vs Victoria. Orton elbows out, corner whip, reverses, Storm charges into a back elbow. Orton goes all the way up NO NOT THE CROSS BODY one two NO! Yay! Orton pulls Storm up but gets a jawbreaker - SUPERKICK is caught, Orton spins him, kick, Ozone but Storm reveres to a inside cradle and now trying for the half crab but Orton is fighting it - small package one tow no. Storm up, misses a clothesline, Orton with a waistlock, Storm with a back elbow to get free. Storm with a waistlock and a reverse rollup, grabbing the tights, but Orton rolls through and grabs the tights - Storm never lets of the tights revealing a g-string and also his shoulders aren't close to being down but Patrick is gonna count anyway - one two three (2:38) even as Orton lets go at the two count and Storm is getting up at the two count because that's the finish, you see. No one knows it's over till the play the music. Back on stage, it seems Christian has pilfered JR's hat and a microphone. "Hey, cut the music! You know something Lance - I don't know who should feel more stupid - you for dropping the ball again, or me for dressing like a local and wearing this stupid cowboy hat! Howdy y'all! [boos] You know something, it's no wonder why even your fellow Americans make fun of Texas." Storm tries to charge Orton in the ring and gets backdropped to the floor. "That's smooth Lance, that's really smooth. Well since you proved that you can't be a rookie, why don't you do what you do best, and stand outside the ring while I beat this all-American pretty boy, Randy Orton." Orton seems good with the idea so...

Randy Orton vs Lance Storm - Christian leaves the hat on the ringpost, and takes off the UnAmerican shirt. Christian clothesline misses, Orton his a dropkick, ring the bell. Whip, reversed to a short kick by Christian - suplex on the tropes. Rights. Christian off the ropes and shoulderblock to knock Orton to the floor and barricade. Storm watching from the other side of the ring - Christian pulls Orton and covers one two NO. Rights. "USA" chant distracts both Un-Americans. Stomps. Orton with rights, Christian with a knee to stop it. Rights to the back. Boot choke. Orton with rights up, Christian with a right back. Corner whip, reversed, Orton kips up, Christian charges out into a backdrop. Clothesline. Clothesline no Christian slips under, reverse facelock but Orton with forearms to escape it. Christian runs into a powerslam one two no. Slam - no Christian slips behind for the reverse DDT one two no. Christian argues the count with Patrick. It's two and he got his shoulder up. Storm argues with Christian. Christian turns to find Orton has decide to rest on the apron - pulling him up, but Orton drops him neck first on the ropes. NOT THE CROSS BODY misses, Christian moving out of the way. Not really close. Jawing with Storm. Now going for the Unprettier but Orton hopes up and over Christian's shoulders into the Ozone setup - and then they blow the move, with Christian not going when Orton goes, exposing it. Christian goes to one knee for no particular reason, Orton with a kick to the midsection and there's the Ozone again [JR and King don't know the name] one two three (2:43) because that's the finish. Not that it's a really good move when it actually hits. We're starting off well tonight! JR goes into over hype "he beat both ex-tag team champions in less than ten minutes!" JR tries to cover "rookie mistakes" as Orton returns his hat. Back in the ring, Christian and Storm argues, and Storm leaves him there.

Backstage, Eric Bischoff and Jeff Hardy talk - well, kinda "I really don't know what goes inside this fantasy world called your mind, but I want you to remember one thing - I don't care whose girlfriend it is, don't you ever ever put your nose in my business again, you understand? Now Booker T and Goldust, they got what they deserved, and you know what you're gonna get? You're gonna get what you deserve - and that's to get back in to the ring with Big Show, again! And do me a favor this time, I'm begging you, impress me. Because everywhere I go, all I hear about is Mattitude, and I'm beginning to think that I got stuck with the wrong Hardy, and I don't like the feeling. Now do me a favor and get of my face, because you're next." Jeff quietly backs away, brushing past Ric Flair coming in. "See that's what wrong with kids today, they got no respect for authority. I tried with that kid - he wouldn't listen to a word I said." "Yea, what the hell do you want Flair?" "I just want to make sure we're clear on the RV- RVD's request to wrestle me - now that's not gonna happen, right?" "You know, I don't know, I haven't made my mind on it yet. But more importantly, what about that ex-SmackDown! talent? How we doing there?" "I'm working on it - I'm working on it." "Working on it isn't good enough - I need results!" "Results are what you'll get - I'll work on it!" Break.

Here's that ad for RVD from Heat fifteen days ago - why did it take so long for it to make it to RAW? (:40)

Jeff Hardy vs the Big Show in a punishment match - your referee is Miss Jackie and it's Texas, so either Jeff beats Show or Jackie beats up Show. Show seems to have bigger, looser tights. For reason known only to him, Jeff runs out to meet him and gets a big boot. Big Show on the apron, Jeff with shoulders to the gut and Show stops it with a knee lift. Jeff with a dropkick to the body, dropkick to the knee, kick to the midsection, kick is caught and Jeff clotheslines. JR name drops David Carr and how he'd love to have Show blocking for him - I hope Show takes him up on that offer. Beal out. Headbutt. Rights. Slam. Legdrop. Cover? Nah, he can't win this match Walking over him. Corner whip, corner clothesline. Boot choke. Jackie warning him and getting his his face but Show's not really concerned. Corner whip - well, more throw into the mat. Jeff runs back and gets a flapjack. Jeff tries the split-legged jawbreaker and at first I thought Show was doing some odd block of it, but it turns out they're just doing a really bad version of it. Jeff tries a lame punch but even show's not gonna take that - blocked, hiptossed to the floor. Open hand slap. Big Show set up Jeff in front of the ring post, backs up, and pauses for a moment, just to leave no doubt about what will happen next - Jeff ducks, Show runs into the ringpost. Show does not actually go down, stumbles over to steal a chair for them security person (I guess WWE security works both brands because we've seen him in a skit on SmackDown!), and Jeff runs the barrier to dropkick the chair into Show's face. Show falls backwards over the barricade, and Miss Jackie checks on him before going back into starting the ten count. One two three four five six seven eight nine - Jeff back in - ten (CO 3:18) At twelve, Big is up and showing no effects - running into the ring to get Jeff, but Jeff's already out and up the apron. Replay makes the self post shot looks even worse. The announcers are sure the Big Show wants more of Jeff but I don't know who wants more of this. Break.

Hopefully they work as hard on Tough Enough as they did on this ad. 

Houston Texans are in the crowd - "they're not watching Monday Night Football" and we look at David Carr for a bit time.

Backstage, Chris Jericho is getting ready for his match, but Booker T wants to have a word with him. "Yo, I heard earlier tonight, you called me a loser?" "Look, isn't that what you do best, Book? Lose! Let's recap - first Undisputed champion, current InterContinental champion, and future World Champion! Not to mention the King of the World and a HUGE Rock Star! So, if I were you, I'd show me a little more respect than that, dawg!" "You know, the way I see, the only thing you're gonna be the star of, is a little thing I call "You just got your little broke ass whopped by the five time five time five time five time five time WCW Champion right here in H-Town, ASSCLOWN! Now can you dig that, suc-[Jericho gives him the hand!] "You are so damn lucky I've got a match tonight." Jericho walks away and Booker T is too busy angrily breathing to finish.

Bubba Ray Dudley vs - JR pushes that Bubba's been waiting for twelve years for this shot, but I seem to recall a match vs Angle. Bubba goes under the ring right away, pulls a chair up, and sets it up in the corner. And then has to readjust it to keep it from slipping. Now he's got a mic - "I just want everyone to know that this is reserved." Bubba produces spray paint and writes 'HHH' on the table. "Hunter, it may be tonight, or it may be someday down the road, but I guarantee your ass is going through that table. You see, tonight, I will emerge as something more than just a great tag team wrestler! Tonight I'm gonna do something that I've wanted to do every since that pompous arrogant Triple H got Handed that World Heavyweight Title on a silver platter. You see, tonight ain't just about me. And it sure as hell is about a lot more than tables. Tonight is about every single one of those guys in the RAW locker room who have been forced to Play the Game! It's about every single one of you fans who never had the benefit of something handed to you! It's about going out there, breaking your back, and earning everything you've done! So maybe tonight is about me - it's about me beating Triple H, and earning the right to be called the new World Heavyweight Champion!" Do you believe he has a chance yet?

Triple H and Ric Flair are walking - that match is next. Break.

Bubba Ray Dudley vs Triple H (w/Ric Flair), World Heavyweight Championship Match (Fourth [TV] defense) - We switch into the RAWZone [TV14 DLV CC] during Triple H's entrance. JR compares Bubba Ray Dudley to Jerry Brisco, then wonders if Bubba can reach down into his soul. While we've got time here - and we do have time - I'd like to state that Edge/Eddie was the best (TV) match of the week featuring a Canadian and a guy named Guerrero, but it was mighty close. JR talks about Bubba putting Triple H through table last week as if nothing went wrong - and seeing as Triple H isn't quite selling it, nothing is wrong. You ref is Charles Robinson. Both men reach for each other after the bell with the left hand, Triple H slowly backing away into Flair's corner, and Bubba sees it coming and demands the lockup in the middle of the ring. Triple H slowly at first, agrees - lockup and Bubbas is powered into the corner, then he turns it around, then it's turned around again. Triple H with a knee, knee, right, right is blocked and Bubba with a right. Gut punch, gut punch, gut punch, open hand slap. Corner whip, Triple H rebounds out into a backdrop. Bubba runs at Triple and clotheslines him out. King: "You tell me - who's main evened more PPVs, who's main evened more events than Triple H?" Triple H back up to the apron - hiptoss in. Triple H somehow manages to sneak in a knee before Bubba can follow up. Whip, clothesline misses, Bubba with a spear - punches "in the mount position!" Bubba warned about the firsts, backed away and given a thumb to the eye when trying to follow out. Bubbas goes out, Triple H distracts Charles, Ric sneaks up on Bubba and Bubba pops up. Bubba starts to go after him, Triple H with a right but Bubba has eye in the back of his head and blocks. Whip, reversed, and it's Bubba into the steps. Triple H rolls into break the count and distract so Ric can stomp Bubba's shoulder. Thrown back in, and Triple H with stomping. "There ain't no instant replay here on RAW!" Choking - one two three. Now Triple H will cover one two no. Rights. Kicks in the corner. Boot choke. Pulled out of the corner to break it. Triple H moves him away - Bubba out of the corner with a clothesline, Triple H ducks and hits the reverse neckbreaker one two no. Bubba tries to right back up, but Triple H doesn't really feel it, whip, head down too soon, Bubbas kicks it, then charges into the sleeper. Triple H has issues with transitions, don't he? Bubba moving towards the ropes - one more lunge to get it. One two three four and finnaly Triple H lets go. Forearm to the neck. Sleeper - Bubbas with an Exploder! (Or a back suplex that was a little bit off, I dunno. Maybe he's breaking out the big moves for this match.) Triple H rests in the corner, Bubba walks over into a boot. Triple H out, misses a clothesline, and Bubba hits a German suplex! No bridge, both men down - one two three four five six seven Triple H is up - right, Bubba right, Triple H right, Bubba right, everyone's doing super selling of the rights, Bubba with right right right right - it's totally incongruous how JR and Bubba are complaining about Triple H being handed the title now when they had no issue with it back then and I keep thinking that every time JR brings it up, like here - whip, Samoan Drop! Yell - Triple H retreats to the Flair corner and Bubba is on him with corner punches - one two three four and Hunter pulls him down with an inverted atomic drop. Bubba doesn't really feel it (must not be as strong a punch!) and kick wham DDT one two no you're not Raven. Whip, head down too soon so of course Triple H is gonna hit the facebuster. Triple H off the ropes and right into a sidewalk slam one two no. Flair takes his coat off and goes up for a distraction, I guess-  Bubba beals him into the ring. Charles pays attention to that, which means he misses Bubba ducking a Triple H punch and hitting the Bubba Bomb - Flair keeps him from turning around while Bubba has him down. Bubba gets up with a look of disbelief and goes after Flair, but Flair's dropped to the floor. Triple H with another missed punch, Bubba with a jab jab jab flip flop fly elbow. Will Bubba choose tables over the title? Well of course, who cares about this. Before he gets too far, though, Flair's back on the apron to get punched. Helpful, he is. Triple H with a kick, but Bubba backdrops out of the Pedigree. Bubbas kicks Triple H, but Triple H backdrops out of that. Triple H with another kick and this time the Pedigree will be hit - one two three. (7:08) "Twelve long hard years washed down the drain!" JR is sure that Flair was the momentum turned - King wonders when they'll stop saying Triple H doesn't deserve that title.

Backstage, Trish fixes her hat and her hair - why does she have that rip in her shirt? Here's Victoria to attack her - dump the table on her! Shirt is ripped off (oh that's why) And Trish starts to fight back, but gets run back first into a trunk, which leaves Victoria in firm control. Victoria tries to finish it with a big punch but you know. "Your title is mine, Trish!" Will Trish recover enough to pick up her hat? It's next! Break.

Earlier Today, Pledge to Participate, blah blah blah check wwe.com if you really do care. Spike signed the Constitution as "Spike Dudley" which seems wrong.

Victoria (w/moments ago) vs Trish for the Women's Championship (second defense) - does Victoria have new music? I don't remember last week. Lawler: "If I don't know remember, Victoria may be PMSing or something." Trish (with a new shirt) hurries to the ring. Victoria meets her outside and Trish nails her with a Thesz press - punches. Thrown in and there's the bell. Double leg takedown, slingshot into the corner. Whip, no reversed into a Victoria knee. "I tell you JR, this Women's Division keeps on getting more and more exciting and more physical - I mean these women are tough!" "You'll only see these women fighting like this here on RAW!" It only seems like yesterday Eric was telling us no one wanted to see women wrestling. Whip, clothesline. Trish roundhouse kick (JR: "chick kick") - second one is caught, but Trish hits an enziguri to knock Victoria out. Apron dive cross body is not even close and Victoria really doesn't have to do much for Trish to run into the wall. Replay to show how bad she missed. Victoria brings her back in - slingshot legdrop one two no. Kick to the ribs, kick to the ribs. Camel clutch around the ropes. Slap in the corner. Corner whip, Victoria charges in, Trish with the corner sunset flip one two reversed (Victoria grabs the ropes) one two no. "Can you imagine anyone watching football when they could be watching this?" Victoria with a slam, going up - moonsault hits knees and not too well, ow. Victoria might have landed on Trish's arm, but he's she up first and JR is depressing me by talking about Victoria's hang time on the moonsault - Trish swinging neckbreaker one two no. Victoria clothesline misses, Trish with forearms, corner kicks, jumping kick to the head, forearm, corner whip, charge into a back elbow. Victoria sits on the top rope and is nice enough just to stay there so Trish can hit the Stratusphere on her (slowly) one two no. Chops. Kick and Victoria falls through the bottom ropes and out. Victoria with a right and now she's got for a chair - grabbing it upside down, one shot is blocked with a kick, but Victoria quickly revives and cranks Trish with it anyway - right to the head! That's a DQ right there (2:50) and Trish may be out, but Victoria has to be held back from going after her again. Lawler is sure that there's more here than just a title. Replay of the chair shot. Victoria tries to go after Trish again but she's forced all the way up the ramp. I guess I'm thinking too much if that's the second time a person wanted to choice a DQ over a title tonight.

Backstage, Stacy Kiebler and Eric Bischoff talk - and I'm tired of backstage segments. Long story short, Stacy wants to be on TV, and Eric wants to hype his big invention for next week - all match will have stipulations, and they'll be determined by the spin of a RAW Roulette Wheel, which Mr. Bischoff has crudely constructed with the help of some poster board, color makers and a picture of himself for the middle. The dealio is that any match next week - like say Stacy vs Trish - could have any stipulation (I know I'm hoping for a Women's Inferno match myself). Since I'm so not going to be doing this next week, I don't want to miss my chance to say "wheel of morality/turn turn turn/tell us the lesson/we should learn." Stacy cuts a promo on Trish to herself, I guess. Eric: "They're not gonna see anything like this on Monday Night Football!" Break.

Ads for Survivor Series start now - try to enjoy No Mercy in the meantime.

Moments Ago, Victoria - well, "You won't see this on Everybody Loves Raymond, let me tell you!" "That's right, or on Monday Night Football - we play rough on RAW!" 

Exterior shot. Kane vs Y2J later.

Randy Orton video - complete with NFL Films music and announcer! Right. I wonder how they got Stephanie to let them user this footage from SmackDown!? I feel like Chunky Soup

Backstage, Lance Storm and Christian are still arguing an hour later - I wonder what Regal and Test were doing that they're just now getting back now. Regal tries for the peacemaking, Test tries for the making fun of them both. Regal says he and Test are going to show them what tag team harmony is about.

Backstage, it's time for Coach to knock on a door, looking for Triple H, but finding a girl and Ric Flair behind the door. Ric explains they're celebrating - champagne? Coach passes. "H, the Coach needs to to talk to you man!" H steals the Big Valbowski's gimmick (keeping the man down!) and walks out of the shower wearing only a towel. Coach tries to ask a question about who he'd rather fight, but he's interrupted by a girl waiting for Hunter in the shower. And another. LATINO HEAT. Anyway, before Coach can try again, Chris Jericho shows up, wanting to talk, but Triple H is busy. Jericho gets a little bit ruder and advises that Triple H get some of his blood back in his brain so he can realize that his match affects Triple H. Seems like Jericho has a plan, Triple H is willing to listen, so Coach is kicked (not the cameraman?) and Triple H goes to finish his shower. "Put some pants on! It's ridiculous!" Jericho takes a seat on the couch between Flair (hey, weren't they not getting along? Flair gives Jericho a look and Jericho gives Flair a quick glance) and the girl. "[to the girl, Soprano's accent] How you doing? [normal - they shake hands] Chris Jericho, rock star. Huuuuge Rock Star." They have to keep shaking because this goes on a beat too long after Jericho is out of lines -

Meanwhile (argh), Tommy Dreamer asks his partner if he's ready - RVD is, despite the rib tape. They walk to the ring - I guess the match with Flair isn't happening?

Hey it's the new Booker T Hungry Man commercial. Yep.

Lugz Top Rope Table Legdrop of Last Week

Un-Americans (William Regal and Test) vs Tommy Dreamer (w/Last Week) and Rob Van Dam (w/taped ribs) - RAW ROULETTE NEXT WEEK. Chris Nowinski will be out six weeks due to jaw surgery. JR makes fun of King missing something he said about the tapped ribs by calling him "John Madden." Dreamer and Regal (still wearing the shirt) to start - circle lockup, Tommy with an armbar, Regal rolls into a reversal, Dreamer tries to reverse and gets a forearm, then flipped down by the arm, with Regal rolling to crank it. Hard rights into the corner. Corner whip, reversed, Regal rebounds out into a backdrop. Armbar and Regal's flipped to the mat he decides to tag to Test. JR remembers RVD/Dreamer from a while back. Dreamer with a drop toe hold on Test, armbar, tag to RVD. RVD with a kick, crank, crank, kick, armbar, kick to the arm. Whip, reversed (arm showing no trouble), Test puts his head down too soon, RVD roll flips over him, Test misses with a clothesline, spinning heel lick one two NO.  Test up with a knee. Tag to Regal, and hold for a kick. Regal with a right, right, whip, reversed, RVD with a charging shoulder, shoulder, back flip for no reason, Regal misses with a clothesline, Regal turns quicker for a kick, RVD catches it, step over heel kick is ducked and Regal hits a low angle half nelson suplex! RVD rolls out to the floor to  see if his neck is in one piece, and Regal distracts Dreamer and the ref so Test can beat up RVD on the outside - runs him into the apron may times. As Nick Patrick sorts things back up, Regal covers RVD - one two no. Armbar, tag to Test, right to the ribs. "What's wrong with RVD? Why doesn't he go on the injured reserve list - like a football player with a hangnail" - I wonder what the Texans think of that. Surfboard. Loud RVD chant. Does RVD have a cut under his right eye? Battling out with rights and back elbows, off the ropes, right into a knee lift. Dreamer reaching for a tag but it's not goanna happen. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, Test charges and catches RVD on his shoulder but of course RVD is gonna slip off far before the running snake eyes hit, and Test runs into the corner solo. RVD crawling but Test has him by the foot - pulling him up, which allows RVD to hit the reverse enziguri. Dreamer tries to start another RVD chant with thumb pointing but almost misses his chance to tag RVD in the process - there we go. Right by Test blocked, right for Test, right for Regal, right for Test, Spinebuster for Regal, clothesline for Test. Back to Regal - Regal with a right. Double whip, double clothesline misses, kick for Test, right for Regal, ducking a Test clothesline that hits Regal. RVD in with a dropkick to the knee, Dreamer with a swinging neckbreaker one two Regal tries to break it up but gets Test by mistake. Dreamer with rights on Test in a corner while RVD goes for the split legged moonsault on RVD in another, but Test rolls in and it misses. Regal is dumped to the apron, and Dreamer charges - Dreamer clothesline misses, Test boot misses, Test kick to the midsection, pumphandle (JR: "My god, it looks like a scene from Oz"), Dreamer escapes the slam, and pushes Test into a SUPERKICK. Dreamer roll up one two three. (4:49) RVD hit a spin kick to take Regal out, but it looks like backup is here - Lance Storm knocks Dreamer out of the ring, and RVD gets shoved down. Christian is in and now all four are arguing - well, Storm with Christian and Regal with Test. Now punches are flying - Christian is knocked out of the ring by Storm, and Test is dumped after a missed clothesline on Regal. And now RVD is back up - jumping kick to RVD. Dreamer with a big right for Regal. Play RVD's music. Looks like we've got a split inside the Un-Americans - meanwhile, Dreamer does the RVD pose and RVD does the Dreamer pose. 

Backstage, Kane is walking. 

Backstage, Jericho is - "Suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" - walking  

WM XIX press conference (1:50)

JR and the King are hyped about WM and WWE magazine. 

WWE Tag Team Champion Kane vs Chris Jericho for the WWE InterContinetial Championship (third defense) - King: "That pyro almost blew your drawers off, didn't it?" "How do you know I'm wearing drawers? I might be going commando tonight, you don't know!" "Don't go there, I don't even want to even know about it." Later: "Ladies and Gentlemen, there are no halftimes on RAW!" King: "You know what else we don't have? We don't have any disputed calls. You don't get to throw a little red flag in the ring and get a do over! We get it done right here - Raw dawg!" Hey remember when Jericho and Kane fought because no one likes freaks? Eh. JR says Jericho has a "Randy Moss like attitude." Your ref is Earl Hebner. Fozzy sucks chant annoys Jericho. Lockup, Jericho shoved down. Repeat. Jericho ducks a clothesline, slap just ticks off Kane and he hits a big right. Big beal. Right. Right. Right. Right. Announcers doing a show recap for those who were watching Monday Night Football (without saying as much.) Big beal. Right. Kick. Whip, no Jericho is gonna pull himself out and take a break. Kane pulling Jericho up to the apron by his hair - so Jericho snaps his neck on the ropes. Jericho going up - taking too long and getting slapped. Big beal. I'm notching a pattern. Turnbuckle smash. Ric Flair is out and Kane is distracted from giving back elbows to Jericho. While we have a moment, I'll finnaly get around to mentioning the big Steve Austin poster someone brought in; I was kinda waiting for it to get taken away, but it's still here. Kane points, then turns back around - Jericho kick, right, right, right, corner whip, reversed, corner clothesline. Flair distracts Kane enough that Jericho can slip and inside cradle - feet on the middle, no top ropes, one two NO. Rights by Jericho. Corner choke. Kicks. Right. Corner whip, reversed, Kane charge into a boot, Jericho charges right into the shoulder powerslam (Kane setting up for the move before Jericho even gets there). One two no - Flair put Jericho's foot on the ropes. Kane is out to get Flair , Flair backing up, now backing kin, bow begging off and Jericho gets in a forearm. No DQ for the distraction. Jericho working over Kane with rights.. Chop. Whip, reversed, big boot form Kane. Press - and Jericho dumped to the floor! Kane is pumped - Flair goes to check on him - and NOW Hebner's throwing him out. See, going in the ring is okay, but simple good Samaritan work is just too much. Kane is there to force the issue with rights - he's punching him up the ramp, and JR goes into his commercial segue tone, so it's time for a break. (4:31 before the 3:00 break)

We're reminded that CSI is at 11:05! as we come back. Kane is standing over Jericho as Lawler says halftime again. We see the press slam to the outside from before the break, and a Kane double choke during the break. In real time, Kane with a whip and back drop. Going up - but Jericho crotches him. Jericho with a double jump dropkick to Kane - who leans backwards a bit. Jericho goes up with Kane - and defying all physical logic, superplexes the much bigger man. Both men down - is that a Y2J chant? Jericho covers - one two big kickout. Sit up. Kane back up - Jericho begs away when he sees it, but there's a right, right, whip, head down too soon so Jericho kicks it. Jericho off the ropes again, Kane going for the shoulder powerslam again but Jericho slips behind, pushes him in the corner, kick to the dropkick to the knee and a clip for good measure. Kane kicked to the floor as Jericho figures his net move. Which is - an apron dive elbow smash! Nice. Jericho whips Kane into the stairs knee first (I didn't know you could do that) and Jericho celebrates in the ring. Lots of boos. JR says Jericho would be very happy to win by countout, so Jericho goes out of the ring to get to Kane. Jericho throws Kane back in, in himself, elbow to the knee, elbow to the knee. JR: "This sounds like the amateur hour!"  Cranking the leg stretch - here's another elbow to the inside of that left knee. And here's Kane "kicking Jericho away with the strength left into his knee, which manages to propel Jericho right into the corner post." Kane pulling himself up with the ropes, but Jericho with a double leg takedown from the outside. Smashing the inside of that left leg into the corner post, breaking the corner, another leg smash into the post. Breaking the count again. Now pulling Kane's legs to the ringpost figure four! "Shades of the rather great Canadian Bret 'the Hitman' Hart!" Jericho is forced to break at the four count, but Kane is limping on the outside. Kane get to the apron and Jericho pulls him up - suplex? No, he can't do that (this time) and Kane suplexes him out! JR mentions no more breaks. King: "No halftime either, did I mention that?" "Only three or four times." Jericho thrown in by Kane. Kane pulling himself up slowly back in the ring - loud Y2J chant from ringside fans, and he responds with a dropkick to the knee. Maybe it wasn't a response but you know. Sitdown on the knee. Sitdown on the knee. Jericho does a punch shuffle dance. Kane tries to fight back with rights and he's coming back. In the midst of an ongoing argument with King about Kane holding multiple titles, JR declares Kane will never be Women's champion. Whip, backdrop. How about a flapjack? Corner whip sequence leads to Jericho getting a big boot, and dumped. Jericho thrown into the steps, and into the ring. Flying clothesline almost looking flying! Hey, here's Triple H and he did put on pants. Now if he could do something about that shirt. Kane is distracted by the lack of a shirt and Jericho sneaks in the bulldog - Lionsault meets, well, Kane is supposed to dramatically catch him in a choke, but it doesn't quite work out right. Theme of the night! Well, the other one is "read the TV Guide listings during commentary" and they manage to squeeze a Celebrity Boot Camp mention in here but I'm running on empty and can't tell you where. Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Jericho slides down the back in a sunset flip into the Walls of Jericho - Kane kicks him away before it can be applied. Kane off the ropes, Triple H pulls him down and out he goes. Triple H and Hebner have a discussion, and Jericho takes a moment to get a chair - driving it into the knee! Everyone back in - Walls of Jericho on but he did this way too close to the ropes. After a battle, Kane is there and there's you break. Jericho is frustrated - off the ropes, chokeslam, one two three (19:38 including commercial) and we have a new InterContinental Champion. Triple H isn't too thrilled, but points out who has the real belt. I wasn't thrilled how Kane's leg pains went away while on offense, but who really cares about me. That's it for RAW.

Later. I was going do a finish to do here but didn't want to blow it.

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