by Lee Filas   
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

[Man, this whole working without a computer thing is getting out of control. The dilemma is this: Basically, I work on a laptop at home, then transfer the file over to my work computer, fix it up, then send it over to Rick. However, for the last two Tuesdays, it hasn't gone exactly as planned. Last Tuesday - the week of Thanksgiving, I was forced to work from the field and then was slammed throughout the Thanksgiving week and couldn't complete the article. Then, this week, I had to go and file a claim in court against my former roommate's and was off on Tuesday. Then - again - I walk into work and I'm just slammed because of it. IF my computer was working without a problem, or if work cut me some slack, then this whole "not filing the story to Rick" thing would be 10 times easier. However, my plan has gone to shit now, and I'm not fulfilling my obligations to you as originally planned.

So, here's what I'm going to have to do: I'm going to have to purchase a new computer so I can work from home. However, since that wont happen until after Christmas, you guys are just going to have to bear with me. There are going to be numerous spelling mistakes and punctuation errors...and a lot of times, things will be filed late. But, I will do my best to get you the SCJ as soon as possible on the week of the program. It wont always happen - as was evidenced these last two weeks - but I'll do as best as I can to make sure something gets up.

Then, after the first of the year, I'll break down and get my computer up and running again, which will allow me to file this stuff from home on a constant basis. BUT, FOR NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT.]

Raw for December 2, 2002:

One last thing, my boss just came back to the office...if he see's me writing this shit here, I'm fired. So, this one is going to be exceptionally sloppy. Get ready for it. (Man, the shit I do for you people...you should love me for this.)

Replay of last week:

I had a week to digest it and I still wasn't too thrilled by it. I mean it was good, but not jaw dropping good. And the GaHHHme screw job left a bad taste in my mouth. One thing is for certain, though, it'll be an initial main event come Armageddon.

We gots pyro:

After girls kiss on the opening credits. Ross sounds like he's coming to us live from a vacuum...turn up the volume asshole!!! RVD and HHH are meeting tonight for the No. 1 contendership of the WORLD!!!

Two Dudley's vs. two fat guys w/ a Rico:

Lilian is AGAIN wearing a skirt. I guess she got the memo I sent around Titan Towers three weeks ago where she would be spanked if I ever saw her in pants again. Out come the fat guys and now we got's a brawl!!!! I smell a Dudley highlight reel going on here, and when Rico gets involved, a Lil Spike viewing. Okay, Dudleys go on top early, then the fat guys come back and take control. A little screwing on the outside and Devon makes the hot tag to Bubba. A wild set of punches, a spear for two, so dancing punches and Rico with a screw job. Out comes spike and the tables are even. A waz up high spot leads to a 3D - but no. Rico with the save. Rico gets his ass kicked, which leads to a second 3D....and the win. I guess that shows that the Dudley's are the number one contenders for the title.

Triple H and Mumbles are walking!!! I got mail - yeeeaaahhhh!!!

I guess during the commercial, the Dudley's were laid out by the tag champs. And, look, we have it on tape. There was a cool conchairto in the middle of the walls of Jericho, while Spike gets tossed from the top of the ramp onto the announcers table.

Bischoff and Morley:

Decide to have a chat in the back. Val Venis is now Chief Morley, while Triple H decides to come in and get upset. Oh, by the way, HHH was nearly dead last week, I guess. Bischoff holds his ground, and Triple H says something about a choo-choo. Now Morley is getting his nose in the middle of it. This all leads to a special guest refere for the main event tonight. I JUST WONDER WHO THAT WILL BE!!!

Anthology with Y2J:

He sings, he feels it, he is the man. It's a beautiful thing.

Announcement:

Little T will take on Jericho for absolutely no reason tonight.

I cant get no Stratusfaction vs. Scaia's Girlfriend:

Well, it's nice that Trish found someone else to wrestle besides Victoria. But, there she is, holding Trish's hat. And, since this war isn't over by any means, then we all know that Trish is winning this. Though, Ivory doing her beat up job is kind of nice. You know, I wonder if Rick jerks off while watching Tough Enough 3? I bet he does. On a separate note, how do you think Sgt. Slaughter feel about Chief Morley? That's a PPV match right there...the battle of the titles. A Sgt. vs. a Chief. Oh, wait, a pin! Trish wins with a springboard bulldog, but we have to cut in the back...

Victoria and Jackie:

Victoria goes through Jackie's bag, and bumps into something battery operated. They bitch at each other, and now I have to sit through another women's match tonight. How nice for me.

I've just noticed something. They say the Norelco shaver is James Bond razor of choice, but did he ever actually use that thing in the movie? I don't remember seeing it. In fact, they tried to pull a fast one on me with that same thing during his last movie. I saw the BMW, but I never saw the damn Norelco! It's a scam!! I'm pissed!!! Norelco is lying to me!!! Those fuckers.

Clip of the wrestlers on Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade:

King is pissed off that his name was screwed up by that guy who had his stomach stapled. I bet Al Roeker would never screw up the Kat's name.

Y2J and Christian:

Act like asses in the back. They talk about how great they are, but it was better when they were running around naked. That was funny.

One Gay Hardy and no jaw Dreamer vs. the Un-Americans:

Seems Dreamer cant chew because of a screwed up jaw. Well, he deserved it. That's what he gets for sticking his face into a steel chair. Dreamer in the ring, gets some licks in, but then gets his ass kicked because he has a bad jaw. Also, I guess Dreamer's had 16 concussions - well, that eating hair shtick and toilet water drinking shit makes sense now. He's out of his skull. Dreamer, once again, isn't allowed to tag in Hardy. Oh, there's the tag, but the ref disallows it, and leads to Dreamer getting pinned. Now, Hardy wants revenge, and is getting him some. But, the numbers prevail and Hardy taps to the sharpshooter. Then, before issues get to far out of hand, Dreamer brings in the cane.

Mumbles and Batista:

Batista pumps himself while Flair kisses his ass. Flair wants to take advantage of him in some sick way. Also, Ric mentions that he wants everyone to see the real....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....the nickname finally makes sense. Someone suggested it before, but hearing Mumbles say it makes this whole thing even better.

Davey vs. The Superhero:  

Oh come on, what the hell s the point of this? Didn't Dave just beat the living fuck out of Kane? And, so, they send the mini-freak out to try and take him down. Okay, I don't need to watch this...Dave pins him with a monster sit-down power-bomb, and the Hurricane had no offense whatsoever. Out comes the Big Red 'Tard to get him some. Davey gets clotheslined out of the ring, while the ring posts explode.

Little T is walking!!!! You've got mail!!!! Yeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

Am I the only wrestling fan in the world that honestly hates Star Trek? I mean, it's so damn stupid....I understand the whole appeal of it though, but I've never understood the big obsession with it by people. I mean, I've seen that documentary movie Trekkies, and that was hysterical. It pointed those people in the perfect light. If you haven't seen it, I am telling you - GO OUT AND RENT IT. You'll laugh your ass off, especially if you aren't a Trek fan.

HBK talks with Perky:

Seems the Heart Break Kid is alive and doing all right. He also admits to being old, and that he is here to see the number one contender match. He is rooting for Triple H because he wants to beat the hell out of him. Then comes RVD who said he had Shawn beat, and that he is pissed off at Hunter for screwing him over. In comes Bischoff, who is ready to announce that there is going to be a triple threat match at Armageddon. Shawn Michaels is also the special guest referee and is supposed to call it straight and narrow.

Little T vs.Y2J:

Y2J isn't a sucka, mind you, as he has told us on numerous occasions. Jericho makes his entrance, and Little T tells the music to be shut off. Little T announces that he laughed when Jericho was naked, and that Y2J wasn't huge anywhere. If Jericho was a film star, then he would star in Stuart Little, while Little T would star in 8 mile. Jericho gets pissed and rushes the ring, the bell rings and were off. Booker takes the initial lead, but Hjericho comes back with some hard slaps. A second rope move by Jericho back fires, and Booker pulls out some power moves. However, Jericho reverses it when he makes a bicycle kick miss. Then a spring board drop kick sends Booker to the outside. Jericho continues the assault, throws Book back in, then a flying elbow looked nice off the top rope. A submission move slows the match down and gets the crowd going. Another elbow from Jericho gets a two count, so more power moves from Jericho. Booker pops up and catches Jericho on the top. A super-plex off the top and both are down. The crowd chants for Booker - hey, you think Austin is backstage tonight? We're in Texas after all. Wait, back to the match...Jericho gets a flapjack from T, then a roll up but it's reversed by Jericho into the Walls, but Book grabs the ropes and the match continues. Book with a missle drop kick for two, a monkey flip into a bicycle kick. Then, a spinaroonie - but no, the bull dog from Jericho. Book comes back though, Christian gets a right hand for coming to the ring, another bull dog. Then, there are issues - too much happening. However, Goldy comes down to take a piece of Christian with him, prompting Morley to come down and make a great call:

Goldy and Little T vs. Christian and Y2J for the belts:

Don't ask me why, but I like it. This was a nice move on their part. Turn this into something exciting. FUCK!!! Jesus, does anyone else from the Midwest have ants in their house in the middle of winter. For some reason, I have these little ants on the floor of the kitchen - just over in the corner. It's pissing me off. After this is over, I'm going to town on them with the Raid. The match has been restarted as a tag match and Goldy is taking the fist - and ass - to Christian. Some nice tag work from Goldy and Book - and wasn't Steiner supposed to show up this week? Hmmm, I think I know how this is going to wind up. Anyway, the tag champs are cheating to win, while Book and Goldy do what they can to pul out a win and make it interesting. Booker is getting the beat down due to some good teamwork, but it backfires and gives T the opportunity for a hot tag. Goldy cleans house in his hometown, and sets up Christian for the open ball shot. He hit it and a quick exchange leads into a close two. A torque slam leads to another two, then a spinaroonie on Y2j, Christian gets kicked out of the ring. Y2J...I cant keep up this is a great match. A belt shot by Y2J, followed by a Lionsault, and Jericho keeps the belt with Christian. Now, if Morley really gave a damn, then he would have seen the belt shot. They did this last week, Morley is a cheater.

Hogan book commercial:

Hogan was a little fat kid named Terry Bollea...HAHA!!! They called him a little fat kid. God, if he was on Raw still, you know that would become a nickname. Little Fat Kid.

Retro Raw:

The time Austin filled up McMahon's Corvette with Cement. I guess that proves that Austin will be back.

And, we can vote on the top 25 moments in the history of Raw. Just head over to WWE.com.

Kiebler and her Testicle:

Are making out in the back. Now, she wants to talk about a testicle idea.

Jackie vs. That Jezebel:

Whoa, Victoria came down the ramp and there was a WHOLE LOTTA SHAKING GOIN on. The belt was loose and her tits were just slapping her in the face. Anyway, Jackie takes the starch out of Victoria for the first two minutes, then the Champ comes back and kills her. But, out of no where, Jackie is handed the win...wait, Jackie is from Texas so we know why this happened. I will say this, though, Victoria is the most accomplished female wrestler on the roster. I mean, she knows a butt load of moves and has size to go with it. If we weren't in Texas, then she would have won. Out comes Stevie Richards and they are besides themselves - I never understood that phrase. How can anyone be beside themselves.

Victoria is still in the ring:

She's crying and she wants Jackie to come back to the ring. But, she gets the 'Roid Droid. He wants to come to the ring, and who's going to tell him no? He comes into the ring, and Victoria stands her ground. He looks at her, then offers up his service to a real man. Then, he throws some one liners at us, a few mumbles, and more one liners. Victoria says no, Richards goes to attack, but the 'Roid Droid just beats the Jesus out of him. Then Victoria wants to get her some, but she's thrown off. Then Steiner drops the elbow and removes Richards from the ring. Out comes Bischoff, to welcome Steiner to Raw. He also looks at him as the most coveted free agent on the market. Bischoff is offering up a gift, maybe Bischoff is planning on becoming one of Steiner's freaks. I'm sure he's done it in the past. Ah, the camera follows the two to the back, where 10 girls wait for the Booty Daddy. He's surrounded by the girls, but he pushes them away because he has a hot mama waiting for him in his limo. (Betcha Steph's in there.) They walk over there - and sure enough, out comes the princess. She wiggles her assets at Steiner and he leaves with her. Seems he's going to Smackdown. Or, is he?

RNN:

Randy Orton is at the World to tell us he's doing better, but he's cut off for:

Triple H:

Is on the look out for Michaels, and they meet in the back. They trade barbs, threaten each other, and suddenly the world knows just how important the world belt is.

HBK:

Comes to the ring, followed by:

The GaHHHme vs. The Dood:

Okay - just for the record, no one is going to win this little fight. See, there is no way they are going to let Michaels wrestle a PPV main event match on his own. So, HBK vs. Triple H vs. RVD is the official Raw main event for Armageddon...and here's the set up. But, nonetheless, the match should be spectacular. Man, Athene - my female kitten - is getting a huge belly on her. When she came hre, she was all skin and bones. Now, she's got a big old belly. Spoiled cat. Oops, Flair was removed from ringside and sent back to the locker room. Haha...that's good. The match starts and the two run around hitting each other. Michaels steps in and stops a punch from Triple H, and Van Dam comes in to take the advantage. Ooh, Van Dam with a plancha - as we all know from the Immolator is just plain cool. (See, I read shit on this site.) Anyway, RVD takes the advantage and beats up Triple H while the King calls this bad officiating. Michaels with the straight count gives up a two, then Triple H goes for a pin, and Michaels with the extremely slow two count. Dueling sleepers finds Triple H reaching for the rope and nearly out - while Michaels pushes the rope away. This is actually kind of funny, with the way Michaels is acting. RVD missed a moonsault and both men are down. RVD accidentally nailed Michaels, knocking him down. What is it about that shirt that makes men pussies. Anyway, H goes for a chair, Michaels stops it, then Michaels is hit again by an RVD misplaced blow. Michaels is down when H grabs a chair and nails RVD. The count pins RVD, but Michaels refuses to raise his hand. Then he does, and a fight ensues. Refs come out, but they all get laid out. Then Michaels get the best of H, but the refs regain their composure. Michaels sneaks out and hits the Sweet Chin Music and that's it.

Good Night....  

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