by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

9:00 on the dot, time for the WWE leader and Eric's smiling face.

"Why won’t they wake up?" Pyro! And we are live from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto. Wonder if my buddy Johnny is in the audience.

Oop, and Eric is out to kick things off, and he's a-hurtin'! Arm in sling, pronounced limp, fat lip, and a nice big shiner. He has a mic. Despite Austin's best efforts, Eric is still standing, and he is NOT giving the crowd what they want because he's banned Austin from the building. Also, tonight, Eric has set up a 20 man, Over-the-top-rope Battle Royal to determine the challenger for HHH's Title at WM. Back to Austin: Next week, Eric will have a special Welcoming committee for him. We then cut to a Mannheim Steamroller Video to introduce the Rock! Fresh from his Montreal Screwjob on Hogan last night. His ring post poses draw mixed cheers and middle fingers from the fans. Now HE has a mic. He waits for the boos to die down before gracing us with "Finally, The Rock has come back to Toron...." Looks around. "Toron..." again. "To run his mouth on all you candy asses!" Yeah, He acknowledges that he's on Raw. The reason this is is because in appreciation for Rocks whipping of Hogan at NWO, He is now allowed the run of the yard in the WWE. The reason he chose Raw tonight is because it was Right Here is Toronto, Last year, at Wrestlemania, That all these Mother-Canuckers (Haw!) Booed Rocky out of the building. He takes a second to call someone in the front row fatty, and goes on to explain that he is also pissed that he wasn't voted Raw performer of the decade. Yeah, Yeah, Everyone loves stone cold. But the rock doesn't love stone cold. In fact, compared to the rock, Stone Cold is nothing! He works The Maple Leafs Suck!" into a rhyme, and I'm surprised he's still standing erect in the ring. Them's lynching words up round thereabouts. He soaks up an "asshole" chant for a few seconds, and then a "You sold out" chant for a few more. He then moves on to inform us that he has thrown his hat into the ring for the Battle Royal tonight, of course, predicting his own victory. He tries for an If you Smelllll... and then chastises the fans for doing the sing along. Finally he says, "Is cooking" and play his new sinister music, we are off to our first commercial break. God bless the return of the 20-minute promo. I was getting carpal tunnel trying to keep up with all those high energy, 'get-the-crowd-pumped-up' opening matches. I'm dreading my recapping of my first ever battle royal match tonight, tho.

Hehe, in the Smackdown promo, you still get a glimpse of Rock.

We're back, and Victoria and Steven have joined the announce team. Victoria and Steven Say that all they want is a good seat for the Women's match up tonight. It's Jackie vs. Jazz tonight, and Vickie cringes at Kings bringing up of Jazz’s no selling of Vickie’s slap last week. I blink, and Jazz has Jackie up for a body slam. She gets cocky and eats a Jackie dropkick. Out of the ring, Jackie hotshots Jazz onto the apron. Steven mentions that Vickie is the longest reigning Women’s champ. Hello, I think Fabulous Moolah wants to have a word on that. Back in the ring, Jackie eats a clothesline and Jazz takes over. Some Jazz offense, and Jackie tries for a thrust kick, which is caught and turned into a slow Dragon leg whip. Into the half crab, and Jackie gets to the ropes. Jazz pulls her back in, locks in the STF, and that's all she wrote. Jazz grabs the mic, and informs us that the Bitch is back. This brings Trish out, they stare each other down for a few seconds, and it's a CATFIGHT! Victoria leaves the announce position, but doesn't get involved. Finally the Ref's pull them apart, and just before going to commercial, I could have sworn that I heard JR say that the King is in action tonight. Oh boy...

We are back and my fears are confirmed, and it's King vs. The Chief in a No DQ match later tonight.

JR and King touch on Test and his involvement with the mysterious GGW. We cut to Tampa, Florida and Test (Sans Stacy) is met by Joe Francis and Test is the judge for the Florida segment of Girls Gone Wild. Many high-speed clips later (Test doing the basic lecherous frat boy thing), and back at the arena, Maven and Test are ogling over the footage. Stacy shows up and Maven powders out quick. Stacy doesn't like that girls were stuffing their boobies in his face. Test begs off that he didn’t touch any of them. This is met with a huff by Stacy. Chief Morley interrupts the hallmark moment and informs them that they are in a tag match against Chris Jericho and Christian later tonight as punishment for them laughing at Bischoff getting beat down by Stone cold. Stacy tries to protest, but Test promises Stacy that nothing will happen to her. She doesn't make eye contact in return.

Back to JR and King, and we have an update on Goldust with an interview backstage. Goldust goes through the standard "I'm doing all right and should be back in the ring soon" spiel, adding the whole, "I was almost killed but I survived" bit, but it's interrupted by a slightly tourettes-esqe twitch at various intervals in his speech. He promises revenge against Batista and Orton.

40 minutes in, one match and a bunch of promo materiel. I think this week is what they call a 'setup' week.

The slam of the night is the RVD/Kane face-miscommunication from NWO last night.

Back to the present day, Kane is out, for some one on one action, with a surly looking RVD in tow. Kane's opponent tonight is Lance Storm with a concussed Regal.

Circle, and Lance is on Kane's back, quickly shrugged off, and Kane pounds on him in the corner and gorilla presses him. Lance out and regrouping with Regal. Back in, and Lance eating right hands. Lance with some Jobber offense, but Kane back with a clothesline to put him down. Kane trash talks Regal, this give Lance the chance to recover, a couple kicks, handful of hair, and Lance hangs Kane on the top rope. Lance back in, basic offense, up for a missile dropkick that connects. All for naught, though, as Kane is a big red freak who can't feel pain. A couple choke slams for Lance, and that's it. RVD in to share a stare, nod, and it looks like they are friends again, but only begrudgingly so.

Backstage, Randy and Batista Discuss Stone Cold's return (They aren't impressed), and Goldusts imminent return (They aren't worried), and Randy says that even though his shoulder is only 99%, he's ready to go tonight. Ric walks in, they share a couple high fives and they are off to the ring. It’s along walk from their skybox to the Ring, tho, so we better take a commercial.

The lugs boot of the week is Booker T's pinning of HHH last week.

Back live, and Steiner is the first out of the gate. Booker follows shortly after, and I think it's just swell that these two guys who were at each others throats at the end of WCW can get along so well. Evolution comes out to 'Thus Spake Zarathustra' (Ric’s Theme).

Booker and Randy start. Randy is out to impress us by taking it right to Booker, but Booker gets the better of a fisticuff exchange, and goes for the quick pin, getting two, tho. Booker keeps the intensity on, but gets tripped up by Ric Flair, which allows a spine buster by Batista. Orton tags Batista in, and he continues the punishment on Booker. Quick tag to Orton, and Ric holds Bookers foot while Orton pound on him in the corner. Booker comes back, ending with a spine buster on Orton. Batista runs in and misses a haymaker, which is answered with a spinning heel. Orton uses the distraction to his advantage to get the upper hand and the double team commences. Batista tagged in proper, and he powers Booker down and locks in a weird looking abdominal stretch. Booker almost gets out, but is met with a flurry of clubbing arms, Tag to Orton and Orton locks in a rear chin lock. Booker powers out, and gets a knockdown on Orton. Batista tries to run in a gain, and gets a foot to the chest for his trouble. That took the last bit out of him though, and he can't make the tag. Ric up on the apron to distract the ref while B&O drag Booker back to their corner. After a bit of double-teaming, Steiner can't stand any more, and runs in and cleans house, sending Batista out. Batista and Steiner keep themselves occupied outside, while in the ring, Orton goes for the flying body press. Booker lets the momentum carry them through, tho, and gets a rollup for the pin! Faces celebrate, Heels are furious, and Booker now has a pinfall victory over 2 of the 4 members of Evolution.

Earlier tonight, Rock entered himself into the Battle Royal, and up next, we have Test/Stacy vs. the Vitamin C's.

Back from Commercial, and the most Awesome entrance in the universe heralds the arrival of the Vitamin C's! Test is out with Stacy and she's wearing a Maple Leafs jersey baring the midriff. Test charges the ring and is a ball o far! as he lays waste to Chris and Christian. While Test is occupied with Christian inside, Chris sneaks around and jerks Stacy off the apron, smacking her face in the process. Into the ring and the double team commences. Test comes back with a double clothesline, and gorilla presses Christian. Jericho comes back with a steel chair though, drawing the DQ. Chris doesn't care though, and he produces a set of handcuffs and chains Test to the bottom rope. They then commence to torment Stacy, eventually locking her into the walls of Jericho. Jeff tries to make the save, but falls prey to a Christian unprettier. Another minute of bad Test acting, and finally, HBK gets off his duff and runs in to scare Chris off and make the save. Jericho is cocky all the way up the ramp, Play 'Sexy Boy', and it's time for a commercial.

Back to the Air Canada Centre, and we have a bunch of Toronto Raptors on the front row.

Moments ago, Stacy was put in a compromising position by Jericho. Back to the present day, and Jeff Hardy is still in the ring, and apparently he has a match against Christopher Nowinski. Chris grabs a mic to start. Umm, unfortunately, it's not turned on. Jeff points this out to him, giving the, "I can't hear you" gesture. Chris turns the mic on, and then likens Jeff to a failed Sir Lancelot. Jeff, of course, doesn't take well to this. Kick! Wham! Twist of Fate! Jeff up, Swanton Bomb! Cover, 1-2-3! Just call him King Kong Jeff.  After the match, Jeff isn't finished with Chris and goes fucking psycho nut job on him, getting him in the corner and unleashing the CAMERON, NC VIOLENCE! He so savages Chris that the Ref pulls Chris out and then reverses the decision, DQing Jeff. Jeff jumps out of the ring and chases Chris to the back.

Up Next, King takes on The Chief in a No Disqualification match.

We return from commercial with a shill of the WWE.com website. Backstage, Kane can't believe the nerve of that Rocky and swears to throw Rock out and win the trip to Wrestlemania. RVD begs to differ, tho, and says the only person that is going to Wrestlemania to challenge for the title is "Points To Self". They agree to disagree and go for a Froster.

Back in the Rocks Personal Dressing Room, Rocky tells his personal assistant that Stone Cold is of no concern to him. He then picks up a guitar and sings a short ballad disparaging Canadians. Hurricane interrupts, and asks "Whastupwitdat?" about the Rocks turning on the people. The Rock knows exactly who the Hurricane is supposed to be: The Green Tights, that H on his chest, the Mask, He's THE HAMBURGLER! He runs down the list of superheroes that could whip Hurricane’s ass, and Hurricane comes back with the one superhero's ass he CAN whip: The Scorpion King! He brings up the Brendan Fraser did it, Rock begs off that that was just a special effect for the movie. Hurricane asks Rocky if he can fly, When the Rock says yes, Hurricane says good, because Hurricane is going to send Rocky's candy ass flying over the top rope! He then Whooshes out, and Rock is left muttering something about Special Effects.

Back to the arena, and King takes his leave of the announce position. They've been replacing JR with Coach, I wonder if they'll replace King with Lita....

Back from Commercial, and we go over the beat down on Lawler last week after he tried to help JR. Into the ring, and Chief takes a quick advantage, stomping King down in the corner. King gets up though and gets a knockdown. King with a flurry of fists and tossing Chief out. Morley eats ring steps, but when King goes for the Post, Morley reverses and takes over. He rolls King back in, Vertical Suplex, another, going for 3, gets it. Cover gets 2. King into the corner, Chief with the Knife Edges. King punches his way out, but Morley answers with a spine buster. Morley up top, Money Shot frog splash! Morley eschews the pin attempt to go for a chair. As he brings it in, tho, Earl Hebner kicks it out. Morley explains the concept of No DQ to him, allowing the Dudley Boys to sneak in from the crowd and hit the 3-D! King up, Second rope fist drop, and that's it! Duds celebrate with King. And when we come back, the 20-Man Over-the-top-rope battle royal to determine the #1 contender for the World Championship! Well, Booker has already won once tonight, would they allow lightning to strike twice? Probably not, but we can dream...

Back from commercials, and JR is congratulating King on his victory. We cut to B&O warming up for the match. Ric tells them to not worry about what's happened tonight. Orton says Booker is his tonight. Cut to Rock and he's walking! Out to the arena, and we get Jericho's entrance. Followed by 3 Minute Warning's entrance. Followed by RVD's entrance. Damn, they are going to do everyone’s entrance. We go to commercial while everyone else comes out....

Project SCUM: Targeting Gays and homeless people. Yeah, cause everyone knows that both focus groups hang out in the same places.

Back from commercial, and we are joined by Maven and about 15 other guys in the ring. Test is out next, Followed by Mannheim Steamroller.... I mean The Rock. Rock gets in the ring, and EVERYONE BURIES THE ROCK! Test is eliminated first, tho, and he instantly chases after Jericho, who eliminates himself getting away. Next out is Jamal, thanks to RVD. Jeff skins the cat. JR mentions that the late, great Owen Hart won the last Battle Royal on Raw. Lance Storm almost put out, Tommy Dreamer goes. Rock eliminates Maven. Jeff has Rock up about to eliminate, but Steven Richards is next to go out. Steiner and Booker working Rock over, while RVD takes on B&O. RVD eliminated by B&O. Al Snow eliminated by Batista. Rodney Mack eliminated by Hurricane, who draws the attention of The Rock.  Hurricane valiantly fights back, but gets a blatant kick in the nuts and is eliminated by Rocky. Booker throws Rock through the ropes (not eliminating him) Rock pulls him out and they brawl on the outside. Rock rolls Booker back in and goes up to help King and JR with Commentary. While they talk, Jeff Hardy, Randy Orton, and Scott Steiner are eliminated in short order, followed by Batista. Storm, Rosie, Kane, Christian, Booker and Rock remain. Cross corner squash by Rosie on Kane with help from Storm. They continue the squashing on Kane, Kane dodges a third one, and eliminates Rosie. Storm tries to get cute with some aerialness, and Kane eliminates him for his trouble. Kane turns his attention to Booker and Christian, prompting Rock to rejoin the Battle Royal proper. Rock stands outside playing cheerleader until Christian gets on Kane's back. Rock sneaks in and eliminates them both. Rock gloats over Booker, going for the easy kill, but Booker explodes and gets Rock in the corner for some HOUSTON VIOLENCE! Rock comes back with a clothesline. Rock tries to mock Booker, but Booker jumps up, and a quick whip later, BOOKER ELIMINATES ROCK AND HE'S GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! The Rock can't believe it, JR can't believe it, King can’t believe it, Booker can’t believe it, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! UPS calling, I have a box marked "Push" for Booker T. Sign here, thank you, see you at Wrestlemania, and we are out of here!

DAMN good show tonight! The promo's to start the show were effective, all the matches really clicked on the levels they were supposed to, and it had some classic moments from all involved. This show was an absolute pleasure to recap, and it's got me pumped for Wrestlemania. Lets see if WWE can keep the heat up for the next 4 weeks with Raw.

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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