by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Today was a very special day. That’s right, it was 03-03-03. This nifty little occurrence only happens 12 times a century. Just thought I’d share.

15 minutes out: From Long Island, NY, and the Rock is promised, and he may be confronting Stone Cold, who will ALSO be on raw tonight. What will happen? Find out, in 15 minutes!

Wow, Encounter at Farpoint. This makes the 5394th time it's shown on The NEW TNN? When I first saw this, I thought I would never get used to "Captain Jean-Luc Picard" as the captain of the Enterprise. Now, some Fanboys will try to lynch you if you suggest otherwise.

9:00: WWE leader, and Eric’s smiling face is gone.

But there's Eric now, and he's ticked! 3 Minute Warning are there and they are to be a 'special welcoming committee' for Stone cold. Eric asks them to save a piece for him.

“Dance to the Music! Play that funky Music!” And we are in Long Island, NY, and as per the orders of Eric Bischoff, Booker T will be taking on Scott Steiner. Wow, looks like Rick’s little bit of fantasy booking in Today's OO column might come true sooner rather then later.

Speaking of which, here comes Booker now, and he's got a mic. Tonight, we get smiling Booker: The 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, WCW Champion! (Yes, he said it 6 times. One to grow on, I guess.) He's happy about going to Wrestlemania, but of course, HHH needs to come out and harsh on Bookers groove.  Ric gets HHH's mic for him. HHH says Booker is confused about his role in life. HHH tell Booker flat out that "Someone like YOU don't get to be a world champion." HHH entreats Booker to do a spineroonie, because all Booker is is a comedy act. Booker stares angrily at HHH. HHH busts out the racial stereotype insults, and informs us that he's been laughing at the thought of Booker challenging all week. HHH belittles Bookers 5 WCW reigns, Opening up festering wounds in fans everywhere by bringing up the name of David Arquette and Vince Russo as fellow former champions. HHH informs us that Wrestlemania is not some nickel and dime backyard event, and that Booker doesn't stand a chance.

Booker retorts that while some of the things HHH has said may be true, but it doesn't change the fact that Booker is going to win the title at Wrestlemania. HHH wishes him luck, then, and also wishes him luck against Scott Steiner, and practically takes the fans collective hand and tells them that Steiner is going to turn heel on Booker tonight. HHH exits, and Booker stares angrily some more.

Back out in the parking lot, Rico realizes that they are in full view, so all of 3MW go hide behind stuff.

Wrestlemania Moment: Jeff Hardy swantons the Dudley’s through the tables at WM 2000.

Back to Raw, and Test finally gets his hands on Chris Jericho.

But right now, it's Jeff Hardy out to the squeals of the fangirls. His opponent is Christian, with Queen-esque music, but no gold glitter pyro. Shucks. Jeff attacks to start, but Christian powers out of the corner. Jeff back body drop's him over the top rope, and they exchange some punches on the apron, with Jeff knocking Christian off. Jeff gets a flying body press off the top turnbuckle to the floor. Christian rolled back in, Jeff knocks him down. Jeff to the top rope, but Christian knocks him down. Christian works him over a bit, and then locks in an abdominal stretch. Jeff elbows out, but Jawbreaker is stopped by knees to the midsection. Cover gets 2. Christian stands over Jeff for a second, this lets Jeff come back. Pin attempt gets two. Jeff goes for the leg drop pin, but Christian rolls through and tries to pull the tights to get the pin, but Jeff kicks out. Jeff knocks Christian down, goes for the swanton, But Has to leap over Christian before he gets knocked down. Jeff tries some offense, but Christian gets an unprettier out of nowhere, and that's that for Jeff

Backstage, Eric has Lance Storms ear, and tells him that he and Chief Morley are the SECOND line of defense, and hands him half a pool cue. Lance is confident that he'll be the one to stop Stone Cold if he makes it that far.

The Lugz Boot of the week is the Dudley’s 3-D on The Chief Morley last week.

Speaking of which, The Chief is out for some wrasslin action. He has a mic, and tells us that he can make his matches as interesting as he wants them to be. He makes his stipulation that if Spike Dudley can beat him, then He'll reinstate the Dudley Boys. But if either of the Dudley’s interfere in the match, then they will stay suspended indefinitely. This Brings spike out and he's all over the Chief, brawling him all around the ring, chewing on his forehead, and he tarzans himself up, going for the acid drop, but Chief reverses into a slam. Chief’s turn to work Spike over. Spike goes into pinball squash mode as Chief hits a Vertical hat trick, and ends it with the money Shot.

Backstage, Christian is stoked over his win over Jeff, and Chris Jericho says that he's got a special surprise for test. Eric interrupts and asks them to be his third line of defense. The Vitamin C's say it'll be their pleasure to break Stone Cold. Isn't it going to be funny when Stone Cold attacks rock and Eric in the ring from the crowd?

Back to the arena, and it's some Women’s Tag Team action. Trish and Jacqueline taking in Jazz and Victoria W/ Steven.

Jazz and Vickie argue over who's going to start, Trish answers the question for the both of them with a double clothesline. Jackie in to go after Jazz. A couple of rope whips and Vickie tries to trip up Jackie. Jackie kicks her away, but eats a NASTY dropkick from Jazz. Jazz dominates, Tag to Vickie, Vickie keeps the momentum on, hitting a fireman’s carry into a sidewalk slam move. Vickie vertical suplexes Jackie, floats over in to a pin, gets two. Victoria looks away for an instant; Jackie gets a kick and tags in Trish, who goes nuts on Vickie. Quick trip over to Jazz's corner, and she knocks her into Steven's arms. Jazz shoves Steven off, and while they argue, Jackie runs through the ring and double baseball slides the both of them. Back in the ring, Vickie knocks Trish down and goes for the top turnbuckle, but Trish goes for the Trish-a-rana, but Vickie shoves her off and gets a victory roll for two. Trish reverses into a pinning combination and gets the duke for her team.

Back from Commercial, Lance practices his swing with the pool cue on the palm of his hand. Chief joins him and they talk about how Stone Cold is going to get his.

Meanwhile, Coach knocks on the Rocks door, who answers with the question of the Coach's usage of street pharmaceuticals ("Are you on crack?") After refusing to give Coach a word, He goes back into his dressing room and shares a private joke with himself. Hurricane interrupts, questioning Rock's integrity after challenging Stone Cold, and having everyone waiting to ambush him this week. Rock reminds Hurricane that he threw him over the top rope. Rock asks if he heard what he was saying to him when he threw him over, Hurricane says he heard Rock screaming all right; When Booker threw him over the top rope, and pantomimes the action. Rock tells him not to do that, so he does it again. Rock points out that Hurricane wears braces (which he obligingly shows us), and asks him if he knows what the Scorpion Kings catch Phrase ("Hakuu Machente!") means. Hurricane replies that from what he saw, hiding behind the changing blind, that it obviously means that the Rock has a small Ding-a-ling. This elicits a hilarious reaction from the Rock, and Hurricane calls him a coward to close out the segment and whooshes out. We go to commercial with Rock reassuring his 'Little Rocky' that he's still the man.

Oh, and when we return from break, we get the long awaited Test vs. Jericho match.

Y2J (w/coolest entrance ever!) is out, and after they do a quick recap of the atrocities that Chris visited upon Stacy last week, Chris has a mic. He has a heartfelt apology for Stacy. The apology is because Stacy is dating to loser! He shows us some SCANDALOUS footage of Test signing a couple girls boobies at the GGW tapings. Backstage, Stacy is furious, and Test does the standard defensive guy jerk deal. Test leaves for the ring, and Jericho tries to get him counted out, but Test rushes the ring and starts working Chris over. After a couple minutes of this, Stacy comes out, with Christian close behind. Test jumps out of the ring and makes short work of Christian, but gets dropped coming back in the ring. Chris gets a few punches and kicks in, but Test comes back with a sidewalk slam. A bit more offense on Tests part, and Jericho goes for the walls, but Test spins him out. After a few kicks, Chris grabs the ref and Christian sneaks back in to deliver a reverse DDT. Chris goes for a cover, but Test kicks out. Stacy is up on the apron, and Chris goes after her. Test grabs Chris and hits the full nelson slam. Christian is up to distract the ref and eats a Test big boot. While the ref isn't looking, tho, Chris gets the uppernut, then the breakdown, and the 1-2-3. After, The Vitamin C's go to do a conchairto on Stacy, but Test shoves her out of the way and tries to fight them off, but ends up taking the conchairto himself. Chris grabs Stacy again, but HBK is out to save. Chris knocked down; Christian takes an inverted atomic drop, and then eats a Sweet Chin Music. Chris is up to smack HBK with a chair, tho, and HBK does one of the most obvious blade jobs I've ever seen. This has to rival the flying blade job he did a while back during his HIAC match. As HBK bleeds, Jericho says he wants to end HBK's career right now! But he stays his hand, and challenges him to a match at Wrestlemania.

Commercials.

Moments ago, Test ate a conchairto, and stuff happened to HBK. King gives Jericho a bit much credit in plotting HBK's involvement, and they hype the imminent arrival of Stone Cold.

Back out in the garage, 3MW bitch about the cold. They see a truck coming down, but it turns out that its just Goldust. He inquires about the whereabouts of Booker, and when he doesn't get an answer to his satisfaction, he goes to look for him himself. Oh, and the tourettesesque twitches are in full effect.

Out in the ring, Chris Nowinski is lamenting the return of the rule breaking, authority defying Austin. He goes on about how such behavior leads to anarchy. He doesn’t notice the Dudley Boys getting in the ring behind him. When he does, he gets a 3-D for his trouble, and the Dudley’s depart through the crowd to a monster pop.

More commercials.

We're back, and Chris and Christian boast over the damage that they did to HBK. They vent a bit of their excitement on some defenseless stage boxes.

And now, it's time for Steiner vs. Booker T. JR and King remind us that this was one of the matches on the Final Nitro ever. They circle around, Stein poses, and acts generally heelish to start. Lockup, and Booker chains around, but Steiner shoves him off. Chops and clubbing forearms are escaped and Booker lays in some chops of his own. Booker tries for a spinning heel, but Steiner catches him and slams him. Steiner explodes out and hits a belly to belly. Taunting the crowd, and some basic offense. Steiner hits the superstar elbow, then the taunting pushups. Booker shoved into the corner, and they trade chops, with Booker winning. Booker gets the back kick, and Steiner into the corner taking some chops. Booker whipped into the opposite corner, and Steiner walks into a heel kick. Booker goes for a Spinneroonie, but Steiner attacks to stop that. Steiner grabs him and locks in the Steiner Recliner. Booker reaches for a rope, and Steiner has to break. Steiner gets Booker into a corner, but HHH is out to distract Steiner, which allows Booker to get a rollup and the victory. Steiner is more concerned with HHH than his loss and chases after him. Booker gives the fans what they want and hits a spineroonie.

Backstage, Rock berates a stagehand, and tells him to go get Bischoff. The Stagehand rushes off as we go to commercial.

You know, I remember when Head of State first came out. Yeah, it starred Eddie Murphy, was called The Distinguished Gentleman, and sucked. I really don't foresee Chris Rock pulling much more humor out of the concept.

Limp Bizkit Hypes Wrestlemania. King Asks JR how can he NOT move when he hears that music. JR just stares at him for a second before continuing on.

Back with the Rock, and he has found his guitar and is going to regale us with his vocal stylings. He sings about how he's bigger than Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks, and how he has to deal with Long Island skanks. Before he can get much farther, Eric answers Rock's summons. Rock isn't happy that Eric has set up a welcoming committee, because he wants Stone Cold all to himself. Eric says sorry and rushes off, presumably to call off the dogs.

We cut to Kane holding up a trashcan, which Rob Van Dam kicks down the hallway. Kane proclaims THAT as hardcore, and they have a match NEXT!

Now, while I'll skip Head of State, I'll probably check out Agent Cody Banks. That one just looks fun.

Back, and it's a Hardcore rules Tag Team Match. Ahh, so that explains Kane’s cryptic comment from before. RVD and Kane are out first, and their opponents are Al Snow and Tommy Dreamer. Tommy is pushing a shopping cart, and Al jumps in with a crash helmet on, and they charge the ring, only to be met by a RVD flying press. They brawl around. Kane beats up Al; Tommy hits Kane with a chair. General schmozzing outside. Tommy in the ring, Kane greets him with a flying clothesline. Al responds by pummeling Kane with trashcan lids. Tommy and Al double suplex him onto a trash can. They try some DT offense, but Kane gets a double choke. He stacks them up, and RVD obligingly hits a 10-star frog splash. RVD pins, and that is that.

Down in the garage, Bischoff is trying to calm everyone down, but this is interrupted by Austin almost running everyone over in his truck. He jumps out with a tire iron, and rushes into the building while Eric holds everyone back.

Back from commercial, and Austin is out, sans tire iron. He must have dropped it backstage. 4-corner pose, and he has a new shirt: Stone cold, Bulletproof! He has a mic: He excuses himself if he seems a little rusty. He goes over the topics he could talk about, but he just wants to say think you. Thank you to all the fans. He breaks down the 4th wall and thanks us sitting at home. Stone cold goes over how he left, and that he's back, and he brought a big ol' can of whoopass! He's gonna raise some hell, but Rocky interrupts. Before he can say anything, the crowd breaks out into a "Rocky Sucks!" chant. Rock says it's good to see Steve! He then questions why he's thanking the fans. He gives Steve $.05 worth of free advice, and that is that the fans suck and they will turn on him as soon as he's successful. Rock expresses regret that while he's done it all, he hasn't whooped Steve’s ass at WM. he lays down the challenge, stopping a 'Sing along with the rock'. Eric Bischoff is out and he's giving Rock some options. A match is made for next week: Rock vs. Booker T. If Rock wins, he has his choice: he can face Stone Cold at Wrestlemania, OR! He can face HHH for the world title. While Rock mulls over this new news, Eric says that Raw is going a bit long and that Steve has taken too much time. 3 minutes worth, in fact! 3MW are out and they head to the ring. Rosie in first, and he eats a Stunner right away. Jamal in and he fares slightly better, getting Steve down in the corner for some boots and punches. Steve moves when he tries for a Squash, tho, and Jamal eats a Stunner of his own. Rico tries to get in on the action, and takes a Lou Theiz press. Stone Cold pounds on him a bit, hits a stunner for him, and the Rock is in the ring. They go face to face for a few seconds, and Rock starts to beg off. He goes for a right, but Stone Cold is ready for him and returns with some of his own. Rock goes out and Stone cold stands victorious in the ring as we fade out.

Another good show tonight, although is seemed just half a step off last weeks. Anything Rock touched tonight was gold, and his eventual match with Hurricane should be pretty sweet. Stone Cold was kept short and sweet, and we got some good development in HBK/Jericho at Wrestlemania. Missed opportunities, though: writing Batista and Orton out. Say, Goldust arrives in his truck, sees them getting into their limo, he rams said limo. BAM! Batista and Orton are effectively written out for as long as it takes their injuries to heel, and Scott Steiner is plugged into Evolution in Batista's place. Add Nowinski (who is currently only being used for comedy jobs) to take over for Orton, and BAM! Evolution is viable until Orton and Batista get back and they can unceremoniously dump Steiner and Nowinski. Or keep them and have a heel super group. Either or. Also, Anyone else wonder where Goldust went after his little run in with 3MW? And if there was ever a definition for "Oh shit, we've got 5 minutes to fill, lets throw a garbage match together!" it would have to be the Kane/RVD vs. Snow/Dreamer match. But still, despite the garbage, tonight’s show took some good steps towards Wrestlemania. Let's hope that the garbage can be kept to a minimum and they can make us care for their matches leading up to the Big One.

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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