by The Rick
Undisputed Lord and Master of OnlineOnslaught.com

It's not a mere four wrestling matches, Benoit looking bad, and a whole bunch of smoke and mirrors for the third week in a row... but the show certainly opened on a note similar to last week: with an utterly out-of-left-field title change!

Suddenly intrigued?  Well, if it's about a title changing hands, fine, read on, it's pretty cool stuff; but if it's about the vestiges of The Blueprint, don't be.  Other similarities are harder to come by.  And usually, I'm pretty good about equivocating and massaging the facts to meet my nefarious needs...  so instead of continuing to stretch for some big stupid thesis about RAW, how's about we just move along to recapping the show?

Let's ride...

Video Package: Stuff from last week.  Apparently, as a result, we've got a Three Way World Title Match coming at WrestleMania 20.

Then we hit the opening theme/pyro/etc., and visit briefly with Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross to find out that in addition to a Vince McMahon/Eric Bischoff confrontation, we've got other big matches on tap tonight.  Such as Chris Benoit vs. Evolution's Batista.  And:

Molly Holly vs. Victoria vs. Lita vs. Jazz (Women's Title Fatal Fourway Elimination Match)

Well, Molly vs. Victoria would make sense given Victoria's recent success... but Lita and Jazz?  Well, they're already here, so let's just go with the flow.  From the opening bell, Victoria pairs up with Molly, while Lita and Jazz go at it.  Less than 60 seconds in (I swear, I am not exaggerating, at least, not by much), Lita hits a rude DDT on Jazz, and scores the pinfall.  And then there were three.  But not for long.  Lita and Molly hooked up, and less than 30 seconds after the elimination of Jazz, Molly hit a neckbreaker on Lita and was so confident of a victory that she made one of those cocky lean-her-back-up-against-Lita's-chest-for-the-cover covers...  and at the 2 count, Victoria swooped past Molly, rolling her over Lita's body and into a new, bridging pinning combination.  One, two, three.  And for the third time in a month, Victoria has pinned Molly.  But she STILL hasn't won the title, because now there's still Lita to go through.  I'm not sure about ditching Molly this early, but that was a really neat little spot they used.  After the fall, Molly goes positively apeshit, and attacks Victoria.  They end up needing either 3 or 4 refs to restrain Molly; talk about a pretty convincing tantrum....  while Molly's making a spectacle of herself and while Victoria and Lita recover, it's a good chance to do some...

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We come back, and after two eliminations in under 2 minutes, we've settled in for some actual extended wrestling.  For starters, Victoria's in control, and even though it kind of seems like they build to a babyface comeback for Lita (where she dodges Victoria's slingshot legdrop and then reverses into a semi-botched and fully-scary 'rana), the fans are responding positively to both women.  Lita continues her offensive rally, and eventually feels like she's beaten Victoria down enough that she can land a moonsault for the win... but Victoria's a tough cookie, and catches Lita on the top rope, pulling her off and directly into position for a (not-as-crisp-as-usual) Widow's Peak.  Three seconds later, and we have a new champ.  Even though she pinned the very popular Lita, Victoria gets a huge pop for the win.  Nice: my predictions from December are shaping up nicely.  One of them, anyway.  And after abiding by the WWE Bylaws and staying in the back, Stevie Richards explodes from the locker room to celebrate the big win with his Flower....

Probably really close to 10 minutes, total, even after they rushed through the opening eliminations.  Even with a few sloppy spots during the Lita/Victoria exchange, they weren't the bad kind of missed spots (where somebody has to sell a move that obviously whiffed), they were the easy-to-forgive missed spots (where the moves landed, albeit awkwardly, and the worst crime is making my heart skip a beat when I feared for Lita's well-being).  My bigger complaint would be that I would have liked to have seen Molly get the job of going through to the end instead of Lita.  For all of her awesome work the last 7 months, Molly's been booked to look weak the last month and could have used a little more oomph coming out of her title reign, instead of going down in such chumpy fashion again.  Maybe the psycho routine negates that... I'm not sure, though. I "get" that WWE wanted to use the champ being eliminated as a pre-commercial tease (new champ, guaranteed, so stay tuned!), but that doesn't mean I like it....  still: a watchable match, and a pretty hot opener with the crowd into it and with a surprise title change.  Even Lawler was tolerable, which was surprising since Victoria was again featuring the rump.  But only about .8 Rump as compared to last week...

Backstage: Vince McMahon gets out of a big-ass limo and tells his man servant to bring his bags to his office.  And this jerk's supposed to be a babyface versus Bischoff?

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Backstage: Coach informs Eric Bischoff that Mr. McMahon has arrived.  But Bischoff is aware, thank you very much, he's not a clueless putz.  Then Christian comes in and informs Eric Bischoff that Mr. McMahon has arrived, and gets a dirty look for his troubles... hey, the guy's just trying to help, cuz he looks out for his friends.  Like his friend Chris Jericho, who is back home with a knee injury and could use some good news!  Christian has an idea for him and his friend: how about Vitamin C vs. Rob Van Dam and Booker T for the Tag Team Titles at WM20?  Bischoff says, "How about not?".  Because Chris Jericho is no friend of his (even dropping the old Leaving WCW issue into the discussion). No tag title shot, and in fact, just to make life difficult for the parties involved, Bischoff decides that tonight, he's gonna make two of Jericho's friends face each other and see how he likes that:  tonight, it's Christian versus Trish Stratus.  Hey lookie, Christian actually seems put out by this....

Video Package: a little reminder of what Randy Orton did to Mick Foley.  Credit where it's due: the beating was anti-climactic when it happened.  It's still anti-climactic even in slow-mo, but by gawd, Jim Ross is selling the shit out of it.  I'm ALMOST starting to believe Randy Orton's right hand possesses the combined power of the Undertaker, HHH, Mike Tyson, and Thor's Hammer!

Randy Orton vs. Val Venis (Non-Title Match)

The most over man in this match?  Mick Foley!  HA!  I love the classics!  The sell-out crowd did chant "Foley, Foley," actually, prompting Ross and King to note that Foley's still at home nursing injuries and won't be here tonight, except in a Very Special Interview conducted over the weekend by JR.  The match?  Well, it's not a TOTAL squash... but if this was 1993, let's just the part of Val Venis would have been played by Virgil.  Not much for Val.  He gets a late match heat sequence, though, culminating in an attempted Money Shot.  But Orton catches him, and immediately applies an RKO for the sudden win.  No flubs, but still pretty standard fare.  Another 5 minute chapter in Project Orton (or, "The Big Book of Increasing Competence, but Not as Much Compelling Break-out Potential as Some People Seem to See").

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Hype Central (with the part of Lance Wright being played by Jim Ross): Later tonight, it's gonna be Vince McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff, a confrontation YEARS in the making.  To prove his point, JR throws us to a clip from the Monday Night War DVD... just prior to the Slamboree '98 PPV, Eric Bischoff challenged Vince McMahon to come to the show and meet him in the ring.  In this pre-taped black-and-white nWo-style clip from Nitro, Eric's at his smarmy worst (best?).  This could almost be pure genius heel shtick if viewed with the six years of separation and you tell yourself "It was only a work,"  but instead has a certain taint of clueless desperation once you remember the context in which the challenge was actually issued.  At any rate, the history lesson wraps up, and we cut directly to...

Backstage: Eric Bischoff has just finished watching his '98 self on a monitor and is berating the Coach, wondering "Who ordered that clip?"...  and in walks Steve Austin, who takes credit.  Austin notes that Bischoff is clearly upset by the prospect of facing Vince later tonight, and tries to pep him up.  Eric beat Vince in the ratings for 83 consecutive weeks!  Eric made out with Vince's wife!  And with his daughter!  And after all that, Vince STILL SIGNS ERIC'S CHECKS!  How can an Eric Bischoff who's done all that run scared from an old man like Vince?!?  Eric suddenly sees the glimmer of hope, confidence infusing his body.  He even begins to confide in Austin, "You know, I have this fantasy about Stephanie..." when he realizes Vince McMahon is behind him, listening to every word.  Vince gets in Bischoff's face, and basically promises that -- after his WM20 blockbuster -- he's going to finish off Eric once and for all, and that's reality, not fantasy.  Bischoff is clearly terrified.  Vince leaves, and Austin gets in another one of his classic tags.  "Don't worry, kid.  You got him right where you want him," says Austin.  Then he hits a kung fu pose that Edge and five hypothetical seconds would have been proud of before adding,  "Kuh rah tay!"

Pep Talk v2.0: EVERYBODY's doing pep talks.  In the Evolution locker room, Ric Flair and Randy Orton are making sure that Batista is ludicrously over-confident before he faces Chris Benoit tonight.  Batista is in the middle of a not-very-smooth growl-y thesis about how he'll send Benoit back to SmackDown! when Triple H walks in and says he's got something important to say and he wants his dawgs with him when he says it....

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HHH Has Something To Say

HHH is out and flanked by Evolution.  But those guys are just scenery...  HHH has the stick and spins us a little yarn about how last week, fans might have seen "freak out" when he heard about the Triple Threat at WM20, and he admits he was caught off guard.  But then he got a pep talk (again with the pep talks!) from Slick Ric, who reminded him that "they" have been stacking the deck against him for years, and he's always come out on top.  Feeding off the crowd, he even does a riff that I think was a pure audible about how it frustrates us that every time he says he's going to win against all odds, he goes out, he does it, he shoves it in our faces.  

[ATTENTION! Last week's went over so well, so here's another Obligatory Internet Jack-off Taunt of HHH: "Hey there, all star, if I was the making the boss' daughter the happiest woman on the face of the planet every single night -- WHOOO! -- I probably wouldn't lose many matches either.  Or maybe I'd at least get to have a stupid column on WWE.com instead of on this shithole website."  Hey, if HHH is allowed to stop in the middle of things, call an audible, and taunt us, I feel I should be allowed to stop in the middle of my recap to do the same back at him!]

Anyway, HHH eventually gets back to his main point, and thus, so must I: he's not HAPPY about having to face two outstanding challengers at the same time, but he'll deal with the situation.  He's gonna do what he's done every other time the deck's been stacked against him... he's gonna win because he's the Game and he's That Damned Good.

That's a Blatant Concluding Catchphrase, so the coast is now finally clear for Chris Benoit to make his entrance without upsetting the Champ.  Benoit basically says HHH is all talk, talk, talk, and he's sick of listening to it tonight.  HHH counters by saying "I'm rubber, and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you," somehow concluding that it's Benoit who is all show and no go?  That Benoit, he's such a chatterbox, if only he'd shut up and wrestle!  Actually, as moronic as HHH's accusation seems, it's not without its own internal sense.  You see, HHH isn't trying to win the Omaha Forensics Club's Speech and Debate Competition with his dazzling logic, he's trying to goad Benoit into proving he's really as tough as advertised by stepping in to the ring, right now, even though it's 4-on-1 in Evolution's favor.  And Benoit's considering it...  Benoit's grabbing a chair to be his partner... Benoit's sliding into the ring... and within 30 seconds, Benoit's getting his ass kicked.

Out comes Shawn Michaels for the save.  He grabs Benoit's dropped chair, and is able to scare off Evolution... but Benoit's not exactly grateful: he gets up in HBK's face, and after a brief tussle, locks him into the Crippler Crossface.  HHH and Evolution are still surrounding the ring, and seem to be plotting something when Steve Austin makes a grand entrance on his ATV of Justice.  Austin grabs a mic and tells everybody in and around the ring to chill out.  He realizes tempers are running high, but we've got a match scheduled for tonight, and that's Benoit vs. Batista.  And it's gonna happen next, and it's gonna happen without ANY interference from ANYbody.  Or else.  Michaels has a few parting words for Benoit as we head to....

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Chris Benoit vs. Batista

Everybody else has cleared out upon threat of being suspended from WrestleMania, and we're joined in-progress for some hot one-on-one action, baby.  Back and forth for a little, and then the heel -- as per custom -- takes the advantage for a bit.  Benoit gets it back after a few minutes, and gets a nice offensive run of his own, culminating with a German Suplex and thoughts about the top rope headbutt... but Batista's soft-selling the German, so Benoit goes back and immediately slaps three more of them on the jerk in rapid succession.  NOW Batista's gonna stay down long enough for Benoit to get up to the top rope... but when the Wolverine flies, Batista still has enough in the tank to roll out of the way.  That's gotta hurt, and Batista goes back on offense.  When Batista decides it's time hit the powerbomb, Benoit has a nice reversal where he worms out at the apex, and drops down on Batista's shoulder, locking in the Crippler Crossface.  After a token escape attempt, Batista taps out.  Big pop. That makes 2 members of Evolution down for Benoit... wonder if the Fed's got the balls to sacrifice the IC champ to help out the World Title feud, and have Benoit run the Evolution Gauntlet before getting to HHH?  Very effective 7-8 minute match (or about 5-6 minutes after we came back from the break, anyway).  If you wanted to annoy me, you could probably come back at me by turning my mini "Project Orton" rant from earlier around and saying it applies similarly to Project Benoit.  And you might even be right.  But I like Benoit, and I'm running the website, so you WILL like this match better than Orton/Venis!  Yeah.

Corporately Sponsored Video Highlight of the Night: Booker T and Rob Van Dam beat Evolution for the Tag Team Titles of the World last week on RAW.  Jesus...  they're the new tag champs, their first match with the belts is coming up next, and the only hype they get is the latter-day equivalent of the JVC Ka-Boom of the Week?  This is exactly what I wanted WWE to NOT do with the tag division this week...

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Backstage: Eric Bischoff is still having a Crisis of Confidence, but Austin's here again to buck him up.  More of the "83 weeks" stuff, more of the "Eric Bischoff that used to be" talk.  You know, Austin's motivations here are really unclear, unless it's just that he has no reason to like either Vince or Bischoff and he's loving the chance to stir the shit and make them fight.  Something just rang very false about Austin telling Bischoff "The Eric Bischoff I remember was a Visionary," without tagging on "And his vision was to fire me from WCW because I was never gonna amount to anything in the rasslin' business" before Stunnering the punk.  But I digress...  Austin finally gets through to Bischoff by noting he has three options tonight: (1) walk away from the fight, and probably get fired, (2) go fight with his current loser attitude, get his ass whipped, and probably still get fired, or (3) grow a sac, go out there, and be the Eric Bischoff he used to be.  "Eye of the Tiger" is Austin's chuckle-inducing tag line here....

Rob Van Dam/Booker T vs. La Resistance (Non-Title Match)

Not only did Booker/RVD get no love in terms of getting an actual voiced-over/produced video package of their title win, not only did they get no mention at all in any Evolution promo (they should have been pissed if the Tag Titles are supposed to mean anything, and if they had engaged Booker/RVD might have kept the new champs in the spotlight by setting up a potentially very interesting/marketable Benoit/Michaels/Booker/RVD vs. Evolution match for a pre-WM RAW), but now, in their match, JR and Lawler spend copious time previewing the upcoming Foley interview instead of talking about the champs.  Man alive, these two can't win.  Short-ish match, around 4 minutes, with Booker doing a time-condensed face in peril routine, leading to a hot-ish tag to RVD, leading to the usual chaos.  In the four-way brawling, Booker picked off Dupree (the NON-legal man, according to Lawler) with an axe kick, then RVD followed up with a Five Star Frog Splash for the pinfall win.  And the live crowd eats it up, no matter how little effort WWE is putting into pushing Booker and RVD to the home viewers.  Certainly nothing sucked out loud here, but this was still easily the most disposable of tonight's segments.  And it shouldn't have been...

More Hype:  Another slow-motion replay of Randy Orton punching Mick Foley in the head, with promises that Mick has some shocking things to say... NEXT!

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Backstage: Trish is getting ready for her match when -- in what would normally be a serious breach of etiquette -- her opponent cruises in for a friendly chat.  Christian joins Trish for some serious indignation at Bischoff's booking, and then reveals that he has no desire to hurt Trish.  (Relief from Trish.)  Just the opposite, actually.  (Mild suspicion at the innuendo from Trish.)  So what Christian proposes is they'll just go out there, then he'll lay down, Trish can pin him, and then they'll be done with it.  (Extreme gratitude and "Are you sure that's OK?" from Trish.)  Sure, it's OK with Christian, and once they're done, they'll come back, get their stuff, and maybe hang out a bit.  (Sounds decent to Trish.)  And then, back at the hotel, maybe Trish can lay down for Christian, you know, since he's gonna lay down for her.  (Outright disgust from Trish.)  Christian immediately switches gears, goes from slimy to jovial; "Ha ha, just kidding, that was a test to make sure you're not some skank who'd cheat on a guy with his very own best friend.  You passed!  Again, I was just kidding, really!".  Christian says don't worry, let's just go out there and do our plan.  (Trish leaves, looking 80%, maybe 85% tops, convinced that Christian's on the level.)  The camera lingers on Christian, the expression on his face impenetrable.  Curiouser and curiouser it gets...

Video Package: in addition to the previous slow-mo snippets, we now get an extended 3 minute package of Foley/Orton from last week, including parts of Orton's speech and a heavy emphasis on the Mick-wouldn't-stay-down-and-kept-coming-back-for-more aspect.  It is all suitably over-sold by JR as "unsettling" or "uncomfortable"....

The Sit-Down Interview

Jim Ross and Mick Foley (sporting a blackened eye) sat down for this chat, taped over the weekend.  When these two sit down, the results tend to be good, and this was no different.  First point made is that Foley says this beating was not like any other: he's used to the pain, but he's not used to dizziness and blurry vision and visiting neurologists.  Second point: Foley feels betrayed by the locker room, can't believe that nobody came to his rescue last week.  He thinks he deserves some modicum or respect, but theorizes that The Boyz look at him differently after he walked out on a main event match in December, like he broke some unwritten rule and must now pay the price.  And finally: Jim Ross asks the big one, asks if this is the beating that has convinced Mick Foley to leave wrestling behind.  Actually, it's important to the punchline, so I'll tell you JR's exact question was "Is it safe to assume Mick Foley's wrestling career is over?".  At that, Mick paused.  He said he didn't think he wanted to give Evolution that kind of satisfaction.  He said that he didn't want to let them be able to go around boasting about tainting the legacy of Mick Foley.  Mick began working himself into a lather, picking up the tempo as he started running down some alternative "safe assumptions."  One safe assumption is that Mick Foley will be boarding a plane next Monday.  Another is that that plane will be bound for Atlanta.  Also that there will be hell to pay.  And finally, to Randy Orton and Evolution, Mick says "It's safe to assume that YOUR ASS IS MINE, because Mick Foley is coming to RAW."

Man alive.  It doesn't completely un-do my lingering displeasure in last week's interminable and unsatisfying beat-down, nor my suspicions that there were better ways to have gotten the same basic points across....  but talk about making lemonade out of lemons.  This was another case of Foley taking something that was not so good and, by sheer force of personality and will, making it good.  I didn't but Foley doing a stretcher job after a few minutes of punches and kicks after he walked out of brutal Hell in the Cell matches?  Well, that was all because we're now talking about a slightly older, more fragile Mick, one who gets CAT scans instead of stitches; that'll just add depth to whatever handful of matches and angles he does do from here on out, trust me.  I didn't like that the beating went on for what felt like 20 minutes without a run-in?  Well, that's because Foley is without allies in the locker room; this will make turning to the Rock seem more special and important, instead of just seeming like an obligatory guest role by Rocky on the grounds of "Hey, it's WrestleMania."  And tag on Foley's intensity as he wrapped up the promo, the list of Safe Assumptions that was an outstanding riff on JR's posed question, and you got yourself a super segment.  Credit Foley with a Save.

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Another Corporately Sponsored Video Highlight: Kane destroys Chris Jericho's knee.  This serves as a reminder that Chris Jericho Is Not Here Tonight, in case you haven't been paying attention.

Christian vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is definitely running at about 15% Wariness as Christian hits the ring.  But alright, it looks like we're gonna stick to the plan.  The bell rings, and Christian lays down.  Trish makes the cover... and Christian kicks out at 2.  Trish is up and kinda confused, Christian is up and kinda smirking.  Trish's Slimeball Sense is tingling, and she thinks maybe her safest move is just leaving the ring, taking the count-out, but as she turns to leave, Christian takes a playful swat at Trish's backside.  This does not go over well, believe me.  Christian does a kind of chuckling "Oh, c'mon, that was harmless" thing before turning his back on Trish.  Trish continues standing there, sort of confused and indignant, when Christian suddenly snaps back around and, DAMN HIM, lays a stiff clothesline on Trish.  And Trish, DAMN HER, sells it with one of her patented wicked bumps that makes me want to transport myself through the TV screen so I can make sure she's alright and, if necessary, defend her from further attacks.  Again: DAMN HER!  I am not that soft, I am smart, I know it is all a work, quit exposing me you vile temptress!  Meanwhile, back in the ring, Christian is basking in an enthusiastic "Asshole, Asshole" chant as he roughly helps Trish back to her feet... only to shove her back down so he can slap her in the Walls of Jericho.  Trish taps out in short order.  But Christian doesn't want to release the hold right away.  And even though Jericho's not around to make the save, the fact is there are probably more than a few guys who'd be willing to ride to Trish's rescue (TV-teleportation technology, where are you?!?), so after only a brief Rubbing It In Period has passed, Christian loosens the hold.  A cascade of boos as we Play His Music.  Nothing as a match, but as a 2 minute Sports Entertainment Segment?  Extremely effective.  A third consecutive very entertaining week in the Jericho/Trish/Christian affair...  

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During the break: Trish had to be carried by officials from the ring, and she was in so much pain that they eventually just had to give up and let her sit down.  

Elsewhere backstage: Coach wants to talk to Bischoff really quick, but his office door is closed.  Coach knocks, nothing, so Coach says, "It's OK if you gotta puke your guts out, boss.  Get it out of your system.  I totally understand being a little scared of Mr. McMahon."  But that's when Bischoff storms out of the office and he's in super-intense mode. He's not scared, dammit.  He's beaten Vince McMahon before.  Not just once, either, 83 times in a row.  He stole all of Vince's top stars, made them even bigger stars.  And as far as he's concerned, HE never lost the Monday Night War, Time Warner did when they came in, took over WCW, and capitulated.  Vince McMahon never beat Eric Bischoff in the Monday Night War, and he's not gonna do it tonight, either.  Nice distorting of the facts, there... but to put a little stank on the McMahon/Bischoff showdown, that's certainly more than forgivable.

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Next week: Jim Ross hypes next week's RAW, which will feature a just-signed Michaels/Benoit vs. Batista/Orton main event!  And also: Mick Foley will be in the house!  And I already suspect that thpse two elements will converge!  Ross also works in a subtle aside about RAW being in Atlanta next week.  Atlanta, one time home of WCW.  And just in time for the release of a "Monday Night War" DVD and a sudden Vince McMahon/Eric Bischoff feud?  Hmmmm....

Vince McMahon Busts Blocks!

Vince swaggers out to the ring in his wrestling gear.  Before he deals with Eric Bischoff once and for all, he's.....

Getting interrupted by Stacy Keibler and Jackie Gayda.  Apparently, they want to prove that they are hotter than Torrie Wilson and Sable.  Stacy suggests they could do this at WrestleMania 20 (BOO, says tonight's crowd).  Vince suggests first, they should prove it to him, right now in this very ring (YAY, says tonight's crowd).  So hit the music: Jackie gives Vince the world's first G-rated, arm's-length lap dance while Stacy does some cartwheels.  Which apparently does prove SOMEthing to Mr. McMahon.  Probably that if this is all the T&A he can do on RAW, the girls oughta knock it off till the PPV.  So he books the first-ever "Interpromotional Playboy Challenge Four Way Evening Gown Match."  I don't think I left out any of the qualifiers.  If I didn't, I don't think it matters, cuz you get the point: Stacy, Jackie, Sable, Torrie, WM20, partial nudity.  'Nuff said.

Stacy and Jackie are satisfied, but their little group hug with Vince is rudely interrupted by Kane!  The girls bolt, and Kane grabs a mic.  After taking sole credit for Undertaker's demise for the past 4 months, Kane suddenly remembers he had a partner in crime that night.  "You told me if I helped you bury him, he'd die," Kane tells Vince.  But now, Kane realizes he's not dead.  This really is the Undertaker, back from the dead, tormenting him.  And if Vince can't think of some way to stop the Undertaker's intimidation and mind games, then Vince might be next on Taker's list...  Vince responds that he wants what Kane wants, he's always wanted Taker gone.  So he's gonna make the match for WM20: Taker will show up in the flesh to face Kane, one-on-one.  Kane seems satisfied that at least there won't be any more of the spooky crap, just a one-on-one meeting, but the announcers can't help but speculate that Kane's still a little scared of his older brother as he departs the ring....

Finally, Vince can make his Blockbuster Announcement.  He came out here to talk about a possible interpromotional match for WM20 (and he's only made two of them so far in the segment)...  to wit, the issue between Brock Lesnar and Goldberg has come to the point that Lesnar went on SmackDown! last week and begged for a match against Goldberg.  And Vince has been thinking about it... but the prospects are just too high for something bad to happen with a monster like Lesnar and a time bomb like Goldberg.  So he can't, in good conscience...

*KEE-RASH*  Austin's out, anticipating that Vince's Blockbuster Announcement was going to be "I Hereby Do Not Book Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg at WM20."  He says Vince better give the fans what they want, otherwise he'll be breaking Stone Cold's law.  He goes on to say that if Vince is worried about too much chaos and calamity, maybe all he needs for Lesnar vs. Goldberg is a guest referee.  And Stone Cold Steve Austin would be more than happy to lend his officiating services.  Vince is immediately suspicious, and asks Austin what his interests in the match are.  Austin simply says, "None of your business."  But Vince sees the dollar signs and says, "OK, you got it.  At WM20, it's Lesnar vs. Goldberg with Steve Austin as the guest referee."  

Austin is happy, and gets ready to leave... but Vince stops him. As a trial run of Austin's guest refereeing abilities, Vince wants him to stick around to officiate tonight's main event...  Austin's seemingly MORE than happy to stick around and watch two of his dickhead ex-bosses fight it out, up close and personal.

Vince McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

It's four minutes past 11pm (eastern) when Bischoff makes it down to the ring, so whatever's gonna happen here, it's gonna have to happen fast.  But Vince and Eric ain't in any rush, it seems.  They do a staredown, with Austin placing himself one step behind them, neatly centered in our frame.  I swear, when Bischoff and Vince just kept giving each other that vaguely-uncomfortable Significant Eye Contact, I was expecting them to suddenly turn and double clothesline Austin.  I know, it makes no sense; but it'd really be no more out of left field than any of the other stuff that's gone down with these three the past couple of weeks...  but nevermind, because that's NOT what happens.  Instead, Bischoff offers the Handshake of Gullibility, which Vince accepts and uses to yank Eric into a clothesline.  Vince continues with the attack, with Bischoff retreating to the ropes.  Guest ref Austin gets Vince to break twice, but on the third break, Vince shoves Austin in frustration.  Bad move.  Austin unloads a right hand on Vince in retaliation, and Bischoff capitalizes.  Sort of.  Eric moves in with some karate, but Vince no-sells it.  Instead, the two end up throwing fists at each other, sloppily, spilling to the outside.  Austin's standing in the ring, overseeing the brawl (which has just -- deservedly -- been accused of having bowling shoe tendencies by JR) when suddenly, behind him....

It's Brock Lesnar!  Lesnar slowly sneaks up on Austin... and when Austin finally senses something amiss and turns around, he walks directly into an F-5.  JR has enough time to register some RAW-centric indignation at Lesnar's presence, along with a small dose of confusion over what it all means before we have to fade out on an image of Brock Lesnar standing over Steve Austin's carcass.

Oh, and the match:  Apparently a No Contest at about the 2 minute mark.  Not that anybody seemed to care.

Final Analysis

The good: Mick Foley.  His segment with JR wasn't just good as a means of moving forward in his feud with Evolution.  It also pulled off the much tougher trick of retroactively decreasing my dissatisfaction with last week's never-ending beatdown.  I think last week I said something like "I get it, I understand in theory what they set out to do, but after seeing the execution, I just don't care."  Well, this week, Mick did make me care; I could analyze it and probably figure out what exactly went wrong the week before or what context was missing, but there's no point.  The important thing is that Mick Foley, Storyteller, salvaged a very compelling direction for last week's events.  Is it good that the Fed misstepped a bit the previous week?  Of course not.  But it sure is nice to have Fix-It Foley around to utilize his years of deserved, pent up good will with fans, to make us care, and, in essence, to ably handle the damage control.

A secondary tip of the cap to the production guys and Jim Ross.  Although Foley's the one who hit the ball out of the park, they set him up, put some runners on base.  By taking last week's raw footage and repackaging it and selling it triple-hard, they were integral to the project.  Re-writing history so that "Pretty much completely tanking with the live crowd and annoying at the hell out of at least one home viewer who also happens to be an asshole internet critic" suddenly became "Almost memorably heinous and evil" was a team effort that took a commendation-worthy mix of balls and skill.

There was more good with the Christian/Trish thing.  I hope the usual suspects are finally off the "Jericho can't be a good babyface" thing (at least, I haven't heard as much of that sniping the last month or two).  Which leaves us to concern ourselves with how good a heel Christian, the perpetual sidekick, can be on his own.  An outing like tonight goes a long way to addressing that issue.  The heel turn is fully established, and in every effective fashion.  About the only remaining question is: Will Christian even bother trying to delay things further by claiming he was doing Jericho a favor, getting rid of the girl that was costing him matches and his health?  Or will he just go Full Asshole by saying that he's really loathed Chris for months now, that Jericho's a pussy for not being able to be anything but Just Friends with Trish, so he decided he wanted to get himself a piece of that sweet ass if Jericho was gonna drag his feet, but then when the bitch wouldn't put out, he gave her what she deserved?  If I get a vote, I go for #2, because it has a dual effect of making Christian sound like the biggest jackass in the universe while giving Jericho the opening to make an instant-impact revenging babyface arrival (instead of looking weak-ish again by sitting passively by while Christian plays him for a mark some more). 

I also liked the HHH promo and segue into the effective Benoit Showcase Match.  It's common to criticize HHH for being long-winded, and I'm usually leading the charge.  But I think this was the third week in a row where HHH was just really intense and focused and "on" with his mic work.  This week, he did deviate a bit (again, we'll never know for sure, but I think he even did a 1 minute riff completely as an audible), but it was a case where he was feeding off the live crowd, and giving it back to them.  Was it a bit long-ish?  Yeah, maybe, but if the crowd's eating it up, I can't blame him; I'll cope.  Good stuff there, and then it moved into the Benoit/Batista match that again seemed to have the effect of winning fans over to Benoit through the Art of Wrestling.  It does the heart good to see fans getting louder and louder till they pop big for the Crossface...  I willingly acknowledge that Benoit will probably never appeal to audiences who honestly, truly, and with no sense of irony, appreciate Hulk Hogan for his talents.  I just ask that, in return, you grant me that Benoit can do other things to appeal to fans, the types of fans who turned Bret Hart from a tag team specialist into a bona fide living legend without ever really shining on the mic.

But I have a few points of contention with RAW, too...

My big one would be the way they handled Booker and RVD as an after-thought, that Evolution didn't even deign to mention they were pissed off, a mention that would not only have helped boost perceptions of the titles themselves but which would also have given Booker and RVD a little bit of the rub that goes along with having an actual viable feud against top level opponents.  Instead, it's only a passing mention of the title win, and then a throw-away match against low-level opponents and no viable feuds in sight.  Short-sighted and lazy...  and even if you want to believe the smarky rumors about how WWE doesn't really have the best interests of Booker or RVD in mind, you would have to think they would have to be concerned about the best interests of their tag titles.

Amplifying some of my reservations about the opening women's match: Keeping in mind that I'm a Victoria fan, have been for a long time, had her pegged as poised for a 2004 break-out, and think it's cool to see her get the belt... I actually also think that Molly got unnecessarily shafted here.  The two are not mutually exclusive views.  I think mostly I would have just liked to see the title change mean more; then I could have been happy.  If there isn't gonna be time for a Victoria/Molly slot at WM20 (which I find hard to fathom, given the 5-hour run-time), then at least let Molly run through to the finish of the throw-away RAW match where you do the title change.  But like I said above: at least they gave Molly that psycho tantrum, so she probably remains Victoria's top challenger for at least a little while... we'll see.

Then there's that main event segment...  I just don't know.  Never a dull moment, no SPECIFIC thing I can point to as lacking... and yet, it still left me feeling like it had somehow missed the mark.

I guess if I had to try to break it down, I'd say something like: the unexpected pay-offs were not enough to offset the non-pay-offs in the anticipated areas.  I hope that makes some sense to you...

To explain: I actually really like the finish with Lesnar laying out Austin.  Lesnar has an axe to grind with Austin for sending Goldberg to No Way Out, and more importantly, the F-5 on Austin is the counterpoint to Goldberg hitting the Spear on Austin...  I like the idea of having the Ambiguity Checkbook nicely balanced heading into the PPV.  Who the hell knows WHAT Guest Ref Austin might do, now?  He could go either way, or both ways, or neither way, which adds a little extra sizzle to the contest.

But OK, we get that pay-off, but what in the blue hell does that have to do with the issue of Vince McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff?  Nothing...  those two were still fighting when the cameras just cut away to cover the Austin/Lesnar thing.  And pardon me for being a loyal, long term fan, but I have been conditioned to know that just because a referee gets KO'ed, it doesn't mean the end of a match.  New ref, let's finish this thing, that's what I expect.  The no contest/non-finish would have felt a lot less cheap if both Vince and Bischoff got wiped out or something as Austin looked on, so that they were both out of commission when Lesnar put Austin down.  Or, barring that, at least give me a reaction shot of the two bosses: they could have done that sort of getting-distracted/slowing-down-punches thing as they gawked at Lesnar, then stopped fighting altogether, then glanced uncertainly at each other, then ended with Lesnar giving them both a Staredown of Indeterminate Meaning (JR's "What's it all mean?" close would still have been 100% appropriate, if anything would have had added meaning).  Anything.  Just not what we got.  Or more aptly: just not what we didn't get.

I guess maybe this does mean that the Vince/Eric Showdown is To Be Continued next week in Atlanta, which is a more fitting venue for the implied continuation of the RAW/Nitro war... but still....

And the same variety of dissatisfaction lingers with regards to the Blockbuster Announcement.  It was painfully obvious that Vince had no Blockbuster Announcement.  I mean, he wound up making three announcements (of Block-denting significance, at best), but he was cock-teased into one, and physically intimidated into the other two.  The best possible interpretation is that Vince's Blockbuster Announcement was going to be the NON-signing of a match for WM20, which is really, really lame.  Again, this is off-set by the fact that, with smoke and mirrors, the Fed still managed to make it seem like something important and cool just happened (three interpromotional matches for WM20 is nothing to sneeze at).  But because of the unwise choice of promoting a "Blockbuster Announcement," the pay-off, although significant, did not align with what fans were expecting to get.

Call it Climactic Dissonance, maybe...  whatever it was, it happened twice in that main event segment.  Not bad, not at all frustrating in that typical non-finish kind of way.  But just vaguely off-kilter somehow.  The only illustrative example/comparison that I'm coming up with is probably not fit for mixed company, so I'll just leave it alone...  it's enough to say that something in the build-up resulted in RAW finishing up pretty OK, but not, you know TOTALLY BOSS, the way you know it can when done right.  

That's still not THAT damning of a criticism.  Toss in in-ring action that was, on the whole, maybe a step or step-and-a-half down from last week, and storytelling (especially Foley, HHH/Benoit, Christian/Trish, and the way they made some big-time and important progress with the WM20 line-up) that seemed about two steps up from last week, and I think the end result is a slight improvement.

My over-long rambling about the made-up concept of Climactic Dissonance aside, this was a good show.  More thoughts and fall-out will follow tomorrow in OO...

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