OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

TV RECAP: WWE RAW
Darth Piper and the Ghost of Eddie Guerrero
November 29, 2011

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

I could spend time here in this PreRamble talking about the Dayton Flyers and how they won the Old Spice Classic Championship... but I don't want to gloat too much, as I just might be setting myself up for future Pain if I do. You see, this was not supposed to be a good Flyer team this year: we graduated our best player, our best returning player transferred, and our coach left for greener pastures (causing us to also lose our two top recruits).

Thus, what happened in Orlando (and what was seen worldwide on ESPN) could very likely have been a fluke. I won't put much stock in it. I won't get my hopes up. I still acknowledge the Eggsavier Muskateers as the class of the Atlantic 10, while the Flyers are merely an NIT-bound team.

Unless, that is, the Flyers want to prove me wrong. They can start by beating Alabama next week. Prove me wrong, boys, prove me wrong. Otherwise, I'll keep my low expectations; they are a great insulator against sports-related depression.

Kind of like last night's RAW was an insulator against Giants-related sports depression (which was also seen worldwide on ESPN)... to think I was almost getting ready to start giving a shit about football for this season. I believe I'll put that plan back on hold for now, and stick to what I know best: pro rasslin'.

Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc., and we're live from "The Campus of the University of South Carolina," presumably because USC is in some podunk college town that would make WWE sound bush league if they named it. So instead, they spend the night proudly declaring that they're coming to us from the Home of the Cocks. Mheh heh heh heh: Cocks.

Piper's Pit: Special Dark Side Recruitment Edition

Rowdy Roddy Piper hits the ring to kick off the show with Piper's Pit. The tremendous ovation he gets is convenient, because it allows him to launch directly into his thesis that it's the energy from the fans that makes his job so worthwhile. When they cheered him, it motivated him to do good things; and when they booed him, it motivated him to do bad things. But no matter what, he took that energy from the crowd and channeled it into his performance, and thinks that's what made him an iconic Hall of Famer despite never winning a world title.

And sitting at home watching WWE, Piper says he's noticed a guy who has already won world titles, and who should be a future Hall of Famer, but who isn't reaching his full potential because he's not being honest with the fans, and he's not feeding off their energy. So without further ado, Piper introduces his guest for tonight:

John Cena.

Cena hits the ring to a mixed reaction (though more positive than the past few weeks), and as usual, makes a big to-do about smiling and brushing off the boos, like it's all in good fun. Piper, however, says this is EXACTLY what he's talking about. Cena doesn't understand: he's fine with it. Piper plays a little "word association," and names Steve Austin, Bret Hart, and The Rock, all of whom get massive cheers. Then he names Cena, who gets the mixed reaction, and once again questions if Cena comprehends what those boos mean.

Cena says, Yeah, he does, and he just doesn't let it bother him. Piper says he doesn't believe it, because he was watching Survivor Series, and he saw a John Cena who was passive and who let himself become a footnote to the show. And Piper says that's not acceptable: whether Cena likes it or not, he's the Face of the Company, and he can't let the company down. He needs to take charge, and that means taking the energy the fans give him and feeding off it, for better or for worse.

Cena counters by pointing to his "Rise Above Hate" t-shirt, and says it's a way of life for him. He sincerely ignores the boos and doesn't care about the haters. He aims to please his followers and to set the best example possible (he even name drops the Make A Wish Foundation and The Troops, and how he supports them both, because that's what Captain Megababyface is expected to do), and won't ever let them down. Piper says that's all well and good, but if Cena doesn't do SOMEthing to deal with the boos and the negative energy from the audiences, he'll be the loser in a one-sided ass-kicking, courtesy of the Rock at the biggest WrestleMania ever.

Piper seems to be going all Darth Vader, wanting to lure Cena over to the Dark Side... Piper thinks Cena either needs to feed off the negative energy and do bad things, or he needs to start addressing the fans and telling them how he REALLY feels about them, otherwise it will eat him up inside. So c'mon Young Cena, let the hate flow through you; cut a promo on those stupid jerks who boo you! But Cena's not buying it: he insists he's fine, and he's in a healthy, happy place.

Piper tries one last ploy to get Cena to heed his advice: he takes off his Hall of Fame ring and gives it to Cena, saying that from a Hall of Famer to a future Hall of Famer, maybe keeping this will serve as a reminder that you will only reach your full potential if you do what you have to do, and feed off the fan's energy.

Cena still says no, he'll never give into the Dark Side.

So Darth Piper bitchslaps him and shouts "Feel the Energy, dammit!"

Cena, now showing signs of barely repressing some rage, shakes his head "no" and hands the ring back to Piper before leaving the ring to disappointed boos.

As the segment winds down, King and Cole debate whether Cena really is starting to get annoyed by the boos, or if Piper stepped over some imaginary line by trying to turn Cena against the fans. Myself, I thought it was a well-played segment, as I think it introduced the possibility that Cena really WILL address the boos, but in a way that does NOT require him to be a classic "heel" (something WWE would be stupid to do at this point, because of Cena's genuine appeal and popularity with kids/etc.)... instead, Piper's exhortation seemed to put an emphasis on Cena becoming semi-heel in WORDS, while leaving open the possibility of staying a babyface in DEEDS. And that, my friends, could work: let's face it, if Cena just went full-heel, us jagoffs would just start cheering for him because he was "cool" again... but if Cena keeps acting like a babyface, except for cutting promos where he tells us (young adult males) what a bunch of jealous tossers we are for booing him, we'll KEEP BOOING HIM (and the kiddies will cheer all the louder, now that Cena's telling them what a bunch of jerks the haters are). That could be fun...

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The Miz vs. John Morrison (Falls Count Anywhere Match)

Miz jumpstarts the match by attacking Morrison during Morrison's entrance, attacking Johnny's knee. After pounding away for a minute or so, Miz heads to the ring, expcting to cut a promo... but Morrison gets up and starts limping to the ring to officially start the match, despite being obviously injured.

Miz wastes no time going after the knee once the ref rings the bell. But when he goes outside to grab a kendo stick, he whiffs on his first shot, and Morrison grabs hold of the stick, and uses it against Miz for his lone offensive flurry. Miz decides to run away, escaping easily as Morrison slowly limps after him.

Of course, this was a trap. Once Morrison finally got to the top of the stage with Miz, Miz had recovered and dodged Morrison's charge, sending Johnny head-first into part of the set. Miz added a Skull Crushing Finale on the steel stage, and Morrison was unconscious. So the ref called for the bell even before Miz could make a pinfall.

Your Winner: Miz, via TKO/Ref Decision, in about 4-5 minutes. By most accounts, this is the "write out" for Morrison, whose contract expires this week. If so, it at least served a noble purpose of re-legitimizing Miz, who -- for the second time in two weeks -- savagely assaulted a former tag team partner, showing just how cold he is.

After the Match: Morrison did the full stretcher job, while Miz grabbed a mic to cut that promo he wanted to cut. He said he's tired of being overlooked, and he'll show no favoritism when it comes to doing what it takes to get noticed. Last week: Truth. This week: Morrison. Next week: that's for Miz to know and us to find out. Because he's the Miz, and he's awesome.

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The Bella Twins vs. Kelly Kelly/Alicia Fox

Before the match, a Mystery Force took over a Twitter Graphic, and displayed the address of another curious youtube video. This week, it was youtube.com/user/second2012, but the content was very similar: some bible verses, slightly altered, all talking about somebody coming back on January 2 (the first live RAW of 2012) to reclaim that which has been stolen. Myself (and all Wankers) hope this is yet another re-introduction for Chris Jericho, wanting to reclaim "Best in the World" from CM Punk. But we're also pretty much bracing for it to just be the Undertaker, like last year's "we hope it's Sting" videos.

Then the match started. Beth Phoenix and Nattie came out and made a lap of the ring, pretending to be getting in a work-out while the barbies pretended to wrestle. Then Alicia Fox pinned a Bella. That is all.

Your Winners: Kelly/Alicia, via pinfall, in less than 90 seconds. Looking up the Mystery Video on youtube was eleventy billion times more satisfying than that match. Moving on...

Backstage: Johnny Ace is on the phone, once again telling Brodus Clay that his re-debut has been postponed till next week. David Otunga walks up, and suggests that Brodus might have grounds for a lawsuit, but Johnny says Nope, because Brodus is such a killer, he'll never be satisfied with a courtroom win, he'll only be satisfied by stomping fellow human beings into mush. So really: building up Brodus' rage is doing him a favor, since he'll be that much more impressive when he returns. And then Alberto del Rio enters, looking very confident; Ace chides him, reminding him that he lost to CM Punk just 8 days ago, so he better be ready tonight. Alberto assures him Survivor Series was a fluke, and he'll win tonight; Johnny says he better, because a lot of investors and higher-ups are counting on having a WWE Champion who they can be proud of... and at that point, Punk enters, claiming his ears were burning. Punk has some fun with numbers, claiming that Ace's claim of 150,000 twitter followers was a mistake: that's actually the number of hits you get if you do a gOOgle search on "Laurinitis" and "spineless." You get even more hits if you gOOgle "del Rio" and "boring," says Punk. The punchline: if you gOOgle "Otunga" all you get is a bunch of stuff about Jennifer Hudson. ZING~! Punk exits with a promise to retain his title, much to the chagrin of the "vanilla GM and his handpicked vanilla contender." To re-assert his authority, Ace -- rather randomly -- decides to add a stipulation to tonight's title match: if Punk gets DQ'd, he'll lose his title. Huh.

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Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler (Non-title Match)

New music for Ziggler; no more "perfection," instead, it's playing up the fact that Dolph is a "show off." I wonder if this means good things for Joe "Michael McGuillicutty" Hennig? Also: Wade Barrett has been invited to do guest commentary, which adds a nice little bonus feature to a match that took some time getting on track.

In fact, Barrett might have had the line of the night as he explained (in perfectly logical fashion) why HE is the good guy here, and Orton is a douchebag: when Lawler (playing the babyface) suggested Orton had the deck stacked against him with both Vickie and Wade at ringside, Wade fired back with "What are you talking about? Vickie is his licensed manager, and I've been invited to be here doing commentary. We belong here. You want to complain about something, complain about last week when Orton interrupted in the middle of my match for no reason." Lawler (forgetting he was a babyface) gave Wade a sincere apology/congratulations for so effortlessly putting him in his place.

As for the match, it really did seem a little slow for the first 5 minutes, with Orton perhaps lapsing into some of his old bad (heel) habits, instead of sticking with the tempo/dynamism that he's shown for the past 5-6 months (starting with the Christian feud). Lots of stalking, milling about, Garvin Stomps, etc., until we break for...

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Back, and we're seemingly joining Orton's hulk-up in-progress, leading up to the Hangman DDT. Orton started pounding the mat in anticipation of an RKO, but Ziggler rolled out of the ring, and acted like he and Vickie would walk out... as the ref started counting Ziggler out, Barrett left the commentary desk and got up on the apron, surely with only the best of intentions in mind. Before we could find out, however, Orton drop-kicked Wade for no reason, and then started verbally taunting him. While this was going on, Ziggler sprinted back into the ring and rolled Orton up from behind. One, two, and three. Serves Orton right for attacking Barrett, unprovoked.

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler, via pinfall, in 10-12 mintues. A pretty "meh" match, considering both Orton and Ziggler have been on pretty good rolls lately (match-quality-wise)... it didn't hit cruising speed till after the ad break, and once it hit that speed, there were only about 2-3 minutes left. Oh well. It's still a match that helps the greater good by putting Ziggler over (while letting Wade be very convincing in his ancillary role). Why couldn't Orton have gotten all jobber-y when he was feuding with Christian, dammit?

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Joined in Progress Theatre

No explanation, no ring entrances, no nothing. Just Michael Cole standing in the ring with a microphone and Daniel Bryan.

Cole's rambling serves as one-part exposition/set-up for the live Tuesday SmackDown where Bryan will face World Champ Mark Henry in a steel cage match, and about five-parts chance-for-Cole-to-act-like-a-dick. Specifically, Cole's dickery involves taunting Bryan for the 90 seconds he thought he was the World Champ last week on SD (only to have it taken away by Teddy Long), and then berating Bryan for being a liar and a hypocrite for even TRYING to cash in his MitB Briefcase last week, when he'd previous promised to save it till WrestleMania.

Bryan had an answer, though: he had planned to save it till WM, but plans can change. And after what Mark Henry did to him two weeks ago, winning the World Heavyweight Title and winning it from Mark Henry became even more important to him than headlining WrestleMania. So yeah: he admits it, he gave up on his principles and went for the instant gratification. And now that he's had a taste of it, it just makes him want the World Title even more, so he's so happy he was able to earn another free/non-MitB title shot, and he's planning on making the most of it tomorr....

Mark Henry's music interrupts, and he stands on the stage (in a walking boot, still selling the ankle injury from Survivor Series) and seems genuinely confused about (1) how Bryan can be proud of himself for taking advantage of an unconscious man last week, (2) how Teddy Long can book a title defense while Mark's still injured, and (3) how Bryan can think he stands even half-a-chance inside a steel cage even if Henry is still injured. Mark says it's one thing to stand down there in the ring and talk tough, but it's another to do something about it right to the face of the World's Strongest Man...

So while Henry continues to jaw, Bryan hops out of the ring and walks up the ramp, pauses ever so slightly to say "You want me to do something about it?", and then he just kicks Henry in the ankle and walks away. Seems like a pretty good game plan... except for the part where the live crowd spent part of the segment chanting for Big Show, instead of for Bryan...

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Zack Ryder vs. Jack Swagger

Six months ago, if I typed "I don't recap squash matches" for a Ryder/Swagger match, you'd have assumed Swagger won. Today, I type it because this was a 3-minute afterthought won by the Woo Woo Woo Kid. Who'da thunk it?

Your Winner: Zack Ryder, via pinfall, in under 3 minutes. Swagger controlled much of the match, but the ending is all that matters. And in the end, Ryder (VERY over with the crowd) chalked up yet another win over a Vickie-Guerrero-managed man, this time in singles competition.

Vignette: angsty black and white footage of Kane in a warehouse, ending with his old leather mask on fire and the words "Kane Resurrected." One presumes this disqualifies Kane from the Mystery January 2 Consideration.

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Special Plug: Mick Foley (in full Santa/"St. Mick" garb) hits the stage to remind us about Tuesday's special live SmackDown. He does so in verse:

‘Twas the night before SmackDown
and all through the land.
Mick Foley’s smile shown brightly,
he had something planned.
Festive fun is the only rule
come tomorrow night.
As sure as Hornswoggle is tiny,
and Sheamus is real white.
Mark Henry is an angry man,
his brain is filled with rage.
He’ll defend his World title against Daniel Bryan
inside of a steel cage.
There’ll be Divas and some dancing
direct from the North Pole.
It’s everything you want to see,
meaning no Michael Cole.
It’s sure to be an awesome night,
could not possibly be finer.
I hope you enjoy it,
especially all of you right here in South Carolina!

Ain't no pop like a cheap pop! And ain't no way to make an already-promising SD even more tantalizing than promising that there will be no Michael Cole!

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CM Punk vs. Alberto del Rio (WWE Title Match, if Punk gets DQ'd he loses the title)

Alberto's standard ring entrance; no Fink for Punk. Aww. But otherwise, they pretty much fall into the same exact pattern as their Survivor Series match, just time-compressed, since it ended up being only half-as-long.

That formula had del Rio constantly attacking Punk's left arm/shoulder in anticipation of locking in the cross arm-breaker, with Punk selling it quite expertly while still managing to hit a significant amount of (one-armed) offense. The early back and forth led to brawling on the outside of the ring, which set up a plancha by Punk. Both men down (with Punk just starting to rise), so let's break for...

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Back, and now it's del Rio 100% in control (and working the arm some more). A "moments ago" replay shows us how the tide turned during the commercials (Punk went to the top rope, but Alberto knocked him off). A few minutes of heel beatdown, peppered with Punk's hope spots, and then Alberto got greedy and went for a top rope move. He missed. And so both men get to their feet at the same time, and we enter End Game.

Back and forth punchy-kicky allows the crowd to do some YAY/BOO action, though Punk eventually gets the best of it with the I Block Your Punch You Don't Block Mine technique. A couple near falls for Punk. Then Alberto blocks Punk's running knee/bulldog combo and gets a couple near falls of his own (including using a German Suplex, or -- in a bit of foreshadowing? -- a One Amigo?).

When Punk kept kicking out, a frustrated del Rio decided to put an evil plan in motion: he untied a turnbuckle pad, exposing the steel, but did so in front of the ref, so the ref would be distracted. Then, with the ref's back turned, Alberto got a steel chair from Ricardo Rodriguez... he teased using it on Punk, but then just handed it to Punk and dared him to use it (since Punk would get DQ'd and lose the title if he did). But instead, Punk pulled a trick out of Eddie Guerrero's playbook and tossed the chair back to a surprised del Rio, and then crumpled to the mat. The ref turned around and saw an "unconscious" Punk and del Rio holding a chair.

But del Rio's claims of innocence were just barely convincing enough to stop the ref from calling for the bell. But once the match was set to continue, Punk wasted no time springing to his feet and rolling Alberto up from behind for a VERY close 2 count. Ricardo hopped into the ring, briefly giving del Rio an advantage. But then as the ref got distracted by removing Ricardo, Punk was able to hoist del Rio up, and dropped him head first into the exposed steel turnbuckle. Punk made the cover, and the ref turned back around to make the 3-count. I believe Alberto was just hoisted by his own petard, or whatever that phrase is.

Your Winner: CM Punk, via pinfall, in about 12 minutes. Same basic themes as the PPV match, but much shorter... still, this one gets bonus points for a red hot ending that easily topped the End Game Atmosphere at Survivor Series. I suspect that finish also gives del Rio traction to demand another rematch (especially since the crooked GM will gladly overlook the fact that del Rio is the one responsible for the exposed turnbuckle), which means these two will get a chance to top themselves in a stipulation match at the TLC PPV. A Ladder Match between two former MitB winners could be all kinds of awesome...

The show ended, simply enough, with Punk's celebration. And so I'll end this recap, simply enough, with a farewell and a promise to see you again in 24 hours with the recap of the Special Live Tuesday SmackDown. Till then...

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.