OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Enough is Enough
September 17, 2013

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Another day, another shooting rampage...

I know it'll make me seem callous, but I almost am that blase about the killing spree in Washington, yesterday. I mean, I figure there are two choices: accept that this is now part of society, or fricking DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Without getting into a whole big thing about gun control, I think it's fair to say that a certain faction of our political system seems intent to do nothing, on the grounds that nothing we do will solve everything. It will only be a partial fix.

So, by all means, let's do nothing. Doing something, even if it doesn't fix everything, is kooky talk. Nothing is much better. Leaving me with no choice but to sort of get on board with double digit body counts. [NOTE: I had planned to convey this notion in the Precap well before the Onion came out with the "Nation Decides to Try Getting on Board With Mass Shootings" headline! Honest!]

But why linger on something so soul-crushingly frustrating that it'll drive you crazy to think about it, when you can watch RAW! WWE may have it's flaws, but at least we can all agree: it is definitely not a gun-wielding madman!

Hooray for wrestling! Hooray for getting on with it already!

Last Night: RAW opens with still photo highlights from Night of Champions. Then we're inside the arena, and Daniel Bryan is announced as our New WWE Champion.

OUR WORST FEARS ARE REALIZED

Bryan gets a huge ovation and has to wait while the crowd gets all the YES!es out of their system. Bryan barely has time to thank them when Motorhead interrupts. Triple H heads to the ring, while Bryan looks simultaneously confused and annoyed.

HHH wastes no time: before Bryan gets too cozy with that belt, we have to address the 800 lb. gorilla in the room... because Bryan won the title on a fast count. And that's not good for business.

Hunter calls ref Scott Armstrong to the ring, and shows the video footage; there is absolutely no disputing that it was a fast count. So the question is, Why'd it happen? Armstrong admits it was a little fast, and says it was a simple, one-time honest mistake.

For some reason, HHH isn't buying this, and keeps berating Armstrong, saying he needs to fess up and tell the truth... and finally, Armstrong turned to Bryan, leaned in, and said "He got us."

HHH catches this, and asks Armstrong to say it again, just to be clear. And he does, and now, Bryan is 100% confused with no other emotions in play. Armstrong just implicated Bryan in some sort of a conspiracy to steal the WWE Title, but Bryan knows nothing of the sort happened.

But HHH is buying it (and as we see later, may even have been behind the phony "admission"), and immediately dismisses Armstrong so he can deal with our fraud of a champ. HHH says there's no way Bryan can be taken seriously as champ, and he also recognizes that he can't just give the belt back to Randy Orton, either. So as of right now, the WWE Title is vacant.

Orton decides to hit the ring, and make his case for still being the champ, but HHH cut him off, and said the decision is made, so there's no point fighting about it. All that's left is for Bryan to hand over the belt (and yes, HHH actually used the word "belt," which I thought Vince had turned into a fineable offense). HHH even name drops Shawn Michaels when trying to get Bryan to come to his senses and show he respects the business. [There were rumors starting 2 weeks ago about HBK showing up on TV, caught in between his BFF HHH and his Mentee Bryan. Perhaps there was something to them?]

Bryan thinks hard on it, and finally comes up with an emphatic "NO!", much to the delight of the crowd. But not to the delight of HHH, who tries to take the title by force. Bryan takes his eyes off Orton just long enough to join the tug o' war... so Orton nails him with an RKO out of nowhere. HHH wins the tug o' war, and leaves the ring with the belt, while Orton soaks in the boos as he stands over Bryan's carcass.

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Backstage: HHH and Stephanie McMahon are conversing about recent events when they are interrupted by Orton. He still wants to know why he can't have his title back. HHH is about to get all shouty because he already said his decision is final, but instead, Steph steps in and says she'll handle this. And she flat out says that Orton was a huge disappointment last night; maybe he didn't lose, but he also sure as hell didn't show that he deserved to win. She says Orton's getting soft, and if he can't find his diabolical Inner Viper, maybe he's not "Face of the WWE" Material, afterall. She dares him to go to the same dark place he went when he handcuffed HHH and DDT'd her right in front of him. She wants the Randy Orton who feels no memorse. Yes, "memorse." Because when one stands too close to Randall for too long, the line fumbling becomes contagious!

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. DEAN AMBROSE (Non-Title Match)

A rematch from NoC, but without the title on the line. Fast start for Ziggler, but then Ambrose ducks a charge, and Ziggler goes flying out of the ring after all of 45 seconds or so. At this juncture, we break for...

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Back, and it's all Ambrose, all the time. Solid beatdown, with Dolph ensuring that Ambrose's offense looks like a million bucks. After a few minutes, Dolph ducks a clothesline attempt and snags a DDT to start his comeback.

Stinger Splash right into a mount-and-punch, followed by the 10 Elbows. But Dolph whiffs on a Fameasser, and Ambrose follows up with some good old fashioned fists to the face. He sets Ziggler up for his as-yet-unnamed finisher, intending to use it to beat Dolph for the second night in a row. But he gets cocky, and does a mocking rendition of Ziggler's little hand signal/pose. That split second is all Ziggler needed to escape the hold and hit the Zig Zag.

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler, via pinfall, in 10 minutes or so. Probably right on par with their PPV match from the night before... but in the context of a free TV show, your instinct is to like it a little more, since it didn't carry the expectations of a match that you paid for.

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Backstage: HHH and Steph have summoned Big Show to the GM's Office. Steph basically rubs it in that Show is broke, and that he was suspended without pay on Friday, so neener neener, she bets he's learned his lesson now. The docile Big Show just stands there and takes it. Steph then orders him to sit down on the couch, and don't do anything. Unless she calls for him. Tears welling up, Show does as she requests. Shall we just officially rename him Bitch Show at this point?

FANDANGO vs.

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R-TRUTH vs. FANDANGO

Fandango pranced, Truth punched him, about 2 minutes of wrestling ensued, then Fandango hit the Alabama Jam (or whatever he calls his version of the top rope legdrop).

Your Winner: Fandango, via pinfall, in 3 minutes flat. I can state, truthfully and unequivocally, that this existed. I don't know why, but it did. Good for it.

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MORE CRAP WITH BIG SHOW

We return to see Dusty Rhodes hit the ring, as the invited guest of Stephanie McMahon. Cordialness of the invitation aside, Dusty does not mince words, and out of the gate says that there's no love lost between the Rhodes family and the McMahons. Furthermore, what they did to Cody 2 weeks ago was absolute BS.

He says that wasn't even about the Rhodes/McMahon feud... he says that was just HHH flexing his muscles on a whim, because he knows he's starting to lose the roster, and he wants to intimidate them into toeing the line. From here, Dusty says he doesn't care about business, and he steps out of "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes mode, and says he's speaking to us as Virgil Runnels, a proud father.

He launches into a (long-winded) bit of feel-goodery, about how having a child is the greatest blessing in the world, and how he's been twice blessed with Dustin and Cody. He knows Dustin made mistakes along the way, and WWE did what they had to... but Cody did everything right. He was straight as an arrow and he was a success in WWE from day one. Firing him is not good for business, it was just stupid, and daddy doesn't care who knows he feels that way.

Enter Stephanie, who condescendingly thanks Dusty for speaking his mind, and even asks him to pass along a wedding gift from herself and HHH: it's a Bed, Bath, and Beyond gift card, which Dusty immediately tosses away. [Note: I guess this is an "inside joke," since Cody and his wife's wedding registry at BB&B was discovered and made the rounds of the intarwebz last week?]

But getting to the point, she says she has talked it over with her family, and it turns out there is an open spot on the roster. Only one. And they're amenable to giving it to Cody. Dusty seems happy to hear it. But, Steph continues, they could also give it to Goldust, based on his strong performance a week ago. Dusty begins to small the rat.

Steph, it seems, has decided not to decide. Instead, she tells Dusty HE gets to pick which of his sons has a job. And which of his sons remains unemployed. Oh, the drama!

Dusty, of course, refuses to pick, saying he loves both his boys equally. But Steph wants a decision, she wants Dusty to betray one of his sons for her own amusement. Dusty tells her to go to hell.

Which is when the Shield shows up to protect the princess. The Shield surround Dusty, but Steph tells them to keep their distance, because she has a new decision for Dusty: he can either get torn limb from limb by the Shield, or he can get knocked out by... the Big Show. Oh Big Show, won't you please come on down, now?

And sure enough, Weepy Bitch Big Show shuffles on out, and gets in the ring. He surveys the situation, and knows that the Shield will do serious damage to Dusty if they attack. And so maybe it would be better if he just took Dusty down with the WMD. In another of those overly-dramatic milking-the-he-goat moments that went on too long, Show broke out in tears, begged Dusty's foregiveness, and then knocked him out. Then he cried some more while EMTs hit the ring.

The first half, with Steph playing Dusty against his sons, was actually pretty interesting and compelling. But then the payoff with more cheesy (and nonsensical) soap opera garbage replaced the genuine human element with lameness and stupidity that WWE grotesquely oversold. Way to be, Writer Monkeys.

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LAYLA/AKSANA/ALICIA vs. BRIE/NAOMI/CAMERON

AJ and Natalya were on guest commentary, and Nattie's headset was malfunctioning. The issue of whether or not AJ sabotaged it became the most compelling thing about this segment. Note: AJ didn't, it was really broken. After 2 minutes of riffing by AJ, Nattie finally switched headsets with Lawler just in time for the match to end.

At least Nattie got in her punchline: "AJ, just remember: you're just a title-holder, but I was born a champion." Nee haw! ZINGER~!

Your Winners: Brie/Naomi/Cameron, via something, in 2 minutes. If commentators couldn't be bothered to pay attention to the match, why should I?

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ROB VAN DAM vs. DAMIEN SANDOW

Nobody loves Damien Sandow more than I do. But [and oh, how it hurts to do this] we're all adults here, so let's not pretend this was something it wasn't.

Your Winner: Rob Vam Dam, via pinfall, in under 3 minutes. D'oh.

After the Match: Sandow interrupts RVD's celebration with a demand for Silence. Then, still grabbing his ribs and struggling to breathe, he declares, "And STILL your next World Heavyweight Champion, Damien Sandow," while clutcing his MitB briefcase. I hate seeing him squashed, but at least that tiny little nugget of heelishness was delightfully amusing.

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Backstage: HHH has summoned ref Scott Armstrong to his office. He thanks Scott for his years of loyal service, but says a WWE Referee must be beyond reproach, and now that Scott's credibility is wounded, HHH has no choice: Armstrong is fired. But not to worry, says HHH, because he'll make sure he gets full pension and benefits. "I'll take care of you, I promise." Obvious subtext: "HHH was behind Armstrong's admission/implication of Bryan, so now he's paying Armstrong off to keep his mouth shut."

MIZ vs. RANDY ORTON

Miz enters first, and much is made of this being his hometown (Cleveland). In fact, while circling the ring, Miz pauses in one corner, and we're told he's visiting with his parents. Let me just say.... you know what? Let me just say nothing. I'm sure Miz's parents are fine human beings, regardless of haircuts and general sense of personal style. Live and let live!

It's actually while Miz is sharing this happy moment with his family that Orton just sprints out and attacks him from behind. Miz is hit with just about every ringside prop imagineable, and finally collapses in a heap. We take the moment to break for...

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I guess the match never officially started, because we return to see the ref holding Orton back in one corner, while Miz slowly gets to his feet in the opposite corner. It's up to Miz to decide whether he wants to go... and he says to bring it one. So the bell officially rings to start the match.

But it's still just a continuation of the beating Orton put on Miz before the commercials. If you have trouble with remembering things that happened an hour ago, the announcers are happy to bludgeon home the point that Orton is showing No Remorse, so clearly this is the result of Stephanie's little speech.

Match spills outside, and proximity to his parents gives Miz the power for one last fire-up... but then he starts getting tossed into the ringside furniture again, and it's curtains for him. However, Orton doesn't care about winning: he just cares about showing No Memorse! The outside the ring beating continues until the ref calls for the bell...

Your Winner: None, via double-count-out, in 2 minutes or so (if you start counting when the bell finally rang). As a match? Nothing. But as a plot device? Good, and getting better....

After the Match: Orton kept on beating the ever-loving-piss out of Miz, and did it right in front of his parents. His dad didn't seem too concerned, but his mom was appropriately aghast. For Orton's part, it was certainly a top-shelf dick move that recalled his befouling of Steph right in front of a helpless HHH. Meet the new Randall, same as the old Randall!

After a few minutes of decisive pummelling, Orton threw Miz back into the ring, and grabbed a chair. He wrapped said chair around Miz's neck. And then he leapt up and dropped a knee onto the chair, effectively "Pillmanizing" Miz's neck. Ouch.

Officials and trainers finally came out to break things up and tend to Miz. Randy just stood back and admired his handiwork. He is quite pleased with himself, and one assumes Stephanie is pleased, as well...

And any segment that makes even me feel sorry for Miz must be doing something right. Good work all around, from the concept of "regressing" Orton to the execution of the beatdown.

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PAUL HEYMAN IS ALSO QUITE PLEASED WITH HIMSELF

As Ryback's music plays, Ryback wheels Paul Heyman out onto the stage in a wheelchair. But if you think he's here to whine and complain about the beating Punk gave him the night before, you are mistaken. Paul isn't going to put Punk over like that... he'll downplay the injuries, and remind us that, in the record books, it will forever read "Paul Heyman pinned CM Punk."

Paul keeps repeating this, claiming that he pinned "the best," which just goes to show what kind of a great man he is.

But even great men can be surprised. Because, you see, Heyman had nothing to do with Ryback coming out for the save last night. There wasn't no set-up, there was no evil plot. Here, just ask him yourself....

Ryback takes the mic and says it's true. He was backstage, and saw what was happening, and thought it was the worst case of bullying he'd ever seen. And Ryback hates bullies. So he came out and did something about it. No evil plot, it's just that Ryback does not like CM Punk.

Ryback kneeled down next to Heyman to make his next statement, which was that as long as Ryback is around, Heyman has nothing to fear. Heyman is beaming at Ryback, like a lovestruck schoolgirl. He utters a few breathless "Thank yous," and then Ryback leans in for a hug. Heyman takes the chance to gently kiss Ryback on the cheek.

The ingeniously heelish display ended with Ryback leaping up, as if to say "Yeah, that just happened, bitches!" If you're familiar with Arrested Development, you could imagine Ryback's inner dialogue at that moment was "STEVE HOLT!" Obviously, the crowd showers the two with boos.

And just as obviously, things will be different next week. RAW is in Punk's hometown of Chicago, and I don't think he'll remain absent to let Heyman and Ryback spin their yarns, unchecked.

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DANCING FAT MEN vs. THE USO TWINS vs. THE REAL AMERICANS (w/ Zeb Colter) (#1 Contenders Match)

It's elimination rules, and the first elimination happens pretty quickly. After a very brief feeling-out process, it's Brodus in the ring with Swagger, but Cesaro blind tags himself into the match. With Brodus turned the wrong way, Cesaro came up from behind and got him with a roll-up. DFM are gone.

It'll now be the Real Americans versus the Usos... and by "now," we mean After These...

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Back, and the crowd is buzzing, because Cesaro just finished up another ultra-long Giant Swing. But then the heels settled in for more methodical offense, and the crowd started amusing themselves. The Yankee Stadium Roll Call happened, and then a few purely random chants... once again, one of them was for Randy Savage.

But then Ricky Uso made the hot tag to Robert Uso, and things picked up nicely. House o' fire into the Pier 4 Brawl, which culminated in Stereo Suicide Dives by the Usos. One Uso got Swagger back in the ring, and hit a Samoan Drop. He was about to follow up with the Superfly Splash, but Cesaro shoved him off the top rope...

But the other Uso was already starting to climb the ropes to take the first Usos place. On his way up, he drops Cesaro, and finishes what his brother started by hitting that Superfly Splash on Swagger.

Your Winners: the Usos, via pinfall, in 12 minutes. Nothing much to write home about for the first 10 minutes, and then BAMMO!, the hot tag leads to a really strong final 2 minutes. The Usos are really starting to click, not just in terms of match quality, but in terms of fan support.

Health Update: both Dusty Rhodes and Miz were taken to a nearby medical facility (because WWE never uses the word "hospital" for some reason). Dusty is conscious and expected to be released shortly, but Miz has suffered an injured thorax. Yes, thorax.

The OO Forums are already discussing thing, but isn't a thorax something you associate with ants or cockroaches or other bugs? I mean, I know -- intellectually -- that humans have a thorax, too, which is why one-third of our vertebrae are "thoracic." But in terms of actual usage, isn't it applied almost exclusively to insects? Plus, Miz injured his neck, not his chest cavity. My theory: somebody (either Cole or the Voice in His Headset) meant "larynx," but got crosswired and tossed out "thorax" instead.

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Vignette: as if taunting the outspoken internet wanker crowd, Bray Wyatt did a pre-taped promo on the virtues of patience. Some fans are definitely of the mind that Bray's treading water, and the thing with Kane needs to develop faster. It seems the man himself would beg to differ...

Backstage: Daniel Bryan is walking towards the arena, and receives many wishes of good luck from various loitering members of the babyface roster. Then, he passes Brie Bella, and he gets a big hug, since she's his real-life girlfriend, even though he's an onscreen good guy and she's an onscreen heel. HAS YOUR MIND EXPLODED YET?!?

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DANIEL BRYAN vs. ROMAN REIGNS (w/ Rollins, Ambrose, and Orton)

The Shield are already with Reigns, but just before the match officially starts, Orton's music hits, and he joins them at ringside, stacking the deck 4-on-1 against Bryan.

With the already-rabid crowd kicked up into a whole other gear of sympathy and YES!ing, Bryan started out with YES! Kicks to Reigns' legs, but Reigns pretty much said No Sale to that happy crappy and clobbered Bryan and used his size and power to maintain control.

About 3 or 4 minutes in, Bryan did start a rally, but whiffed on a suicide dive. Bryan's down, Reigns is posing, which makes this a good spot for some...

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Back, and Reigns is still in command. Over the next several minutes, Bryan would get little hope spots, to which Orton would over-react, and which Reigns would snuff out with ease.

But about 12 minutes in, Bryan began to fire up in earnest. He gets Reigns chopped down to size, and hits a bunch of YES! kicks. But when he winds-up for the Mega YES! Kick, Reigns catches him and slams him. Man, you'd think Bryan would realized his wind-up kick has about the same success rate as Ric Flair going to the top rope. Or anybody trying to powerbomb Kidman.

Speaking of which, Reigns immediately tries to hit a powerbomb, BUT YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB DANIEL BRYAN. He flips through, and turns it into a convincing near fall. As Bryan starts to get on a roll, Rollins and Ambrose decide it's time to lend a hand.

But Bryan takes the fight to them, sending Rollins flying off the apron and into the announce table, and then intercepting Ambrose attacking from the opposite side, and chucking HIM out of the ring as well. Reigns has time to get his wits, and tries to catch Bryan by surprise with a spear, but Bryan dodges it, and drops down on top of Reigns, looking for the YES! Lock.

But before he can get it fully cinched, Orton jumps into the ring and attacks. That'll be that.

Your Winner: Daniel Bryan, via DQ, in 15-16 minutes. For the third consecutive week, Bryan has a really, really good singles match against a member of the Shield as RAW's main event. You could pretty much expect as much with Rollins, but maybe, just maybe, they other two are pretty good, too. Either that, or Bryan really is Wrestling Midas, and everything he touches turns to gold.

Regardless, Bryan didn't have any time to celebrate his victory...

After the Match: the 4-on-1 beating continues, and Bryan's in big trouble. Orton even goes and gets a chair. And then he wraps it around Bryan's neck....

And that's when about a dozen guys from the babyface lockerroom ran out and cleaned house. Ziggler seemed to be the leader of the pack. Or maybe just the fastest runner. RVD, Kofi, the Usos, the PTPs, and Truth were also there. Hey, Zack Ryder sighting, too!

The roof blew off the joint as the Forces of Good finally struck back against the Corporate Conspiracy. The icing on the cake came when Bryan delivered his running knee to the face on Reigns. The four heels have all been dispatched, and RAW ends with the PTPs hoisting Bryan up on the shoulders as the entire arena YES!es their asses off.

And so ends the show. And what a great ending. Sure, they "screwed" Bryan again by stripping him of the title, and Team Corporate Power Abuse is still "winning," but they finally broke the seal on the roster mutiny, and man it felt good. As far as that goes, I think they nailed the timing: milked it long enough to convey the genuine authority HHH wields, but finally displaying the fact that, yes, the "good guys" do have a moral compass and the ability to stand up for themselves

Sadly, the rest of the show didn't have a whole lot to recommend it. A few spots here and there with good in-ring wrestling, but no real whole match that delivered until the main event. And as much as the night was a "win" for tweaking Orton's character, it was just as big a loss for Big Show's.

Also: they REALLY overdid it again in terms of the replays and rehashes of "earlier tonight." It's the second time in the past month I actually ran out of DVR time shift. If you thought there were times in the above recap where I screwed up and put two [ads] too close to each other, guess again. That's just where I omitted FF-able rehash segments, and all that was left between two ads might be a 90 second skit, or something (even if WWE presented the standard 6 or 7 minutes of material).

So let's try to put it all together... most of the show ranged all the way from decent to meh (what a huge spectrum!), with one giant stinky turd, a strong mid-show angle, and then a great main event and closing angle. My Inner Pyro says that's a B-.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.