OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Sensory Overload
April 7, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

I can't remember an NCAA Championship game I cared less about than tonight's. Which is funny, since this was an NCAA Tournament that I cared about more than any one since... well, since ever.

The Flyers making the Elite Eight will do that.

But tonight's game? I almost forgot it was happening at all...

I suspect the biggest reason why is because every bracket in every pool I joined is absolutely busted beyond belief. If I can't win money (and honestly, my chances for that were pretty much over after the third round), who cares, right? But it probably doesn't help that it's a 7 seed versus an 8 seed; low enough seeds that they're not really great teams, but not so low that they're actually compelling underdog stories.

Oh, and one of the teams being Kentucky doesn't help. One of the most despicable programs in college hoops, even all these years after Pitino left. And for the record, it's NOT sour grapes when I say that. The last time Dayton played Kentucky, Dayton won. LOOK IT UP! Now, they're scared to play us...

Truly, the best indicator that I don't care about something is that I just wrote 5 paragraphs about it. Whoopsie. But hey, somebody had to get us down past the ad box. That's the best I could do tonight.

And now, on to our regularly scheduled programming, the story of what happens on the RAW-After-Mania:

Extended Video Recap Opening. The show opens by actually going back BEFORE WrestleMania, and telling the story of how Daniel Bryan got into the WWE Title picture. They repurposed the surprisingly-good "Monster" video package (but the original version, which went back to Bryan's training/TWA days, was better) and everything. Then they moved into still pictures of Bryan's WrestleMania victory, before slam cutting to the inside of the Whateverthehell Arena in New Orleans, LA, and introducing the NYEWWWWWWWWW WWE Champion....

OH NO, NOT AGAIN...

Bryan heads to the ring, serenaded by massive YES! chants; he's wearing the Big Gold Belt around his waist, and carrying the WWE Belt on his shoulder. Cole, King, and JBL welcome us to the show, with JBL reverting back to his usual dickweed self (badmouthing the "farm animal" as WWE Champ, when last night, he was as caught up in the moment as anyone).

Bryan has to pause to wait out a massive "DAN YIL BRY YAN" chant. It gets to the point where the crowd is clearly doing it, just to be obnoxious. But then it KEEPS going to the point where it becomes funny again. Bryan finally mutters "Jeez, you guys just aren't gonna get tired, are you?" And the crowd responds by beginning a massive "NO! NO! NO!" chant. OK, well played, wankers.

Bryan jokes about how tired he's gonna get, if he has to keep leading the chants, now that he has to lift the two belts above his head, and reminisces about two years ago, when this whole crazy ride began with the YES! Movement. The crowd hijacks the reminiscing with a "YOU DEE SERVE IT!" chant.

So Bryan smoothly changes gears, and says, "No, YOU deserve it," because it was only because of them that this whole YES! thing got traction, and because of them that he got into the main event, and he thanks them for all of it. More unanimous YES-ing, and cheering, until Captain Buzzkill shows up...

Motorhead begins playing, and Triple H saunters down to the ring, with an angry look on his face. Stephanie is at his side, not looking much happier. As they get to the ring, HHH grabs a mic, and then has to wait out a chant of his own: "ASS HOLE, ASS HOLE."

HHH stops short, and stnds on the apron, where he says he won't get in the ring, because he might be tempted to do something unsavory. Bryan takes the moment to taunt him "You're not gonna step in the ring?" and then he walks over and holds both belts in HHH's face, and YESses away at him.

HHH says Bryan better enjoy his moment, because that's all it is: a passing moment, and it'll all be over soon. In fact, it'll be over later tonight. Because Bryan will defend his WWE Title, and he'll defend it against HHH. And HHH will put an end to all this silliness and restore the WWE Title to the dignity it deserves. If Bryan is lucky, and if he begs for it, HHH will let him away with his health... but the WWE Title is coming home tonight.

HHH and Steph storm off on that note, but Bryan starts a fresh YES! chant, and his music plays to close out the segment.

WWE wouldn't be so terrible as to cut Bryan off after 24 hours again, would they? And put the title on a power mad politician? No, they couldn't... could they? STAY TUNED~!

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Backstage: Steph and HHH are talking, and Steph is all "I can't wait for you to put an end to this tonight," and HHH is all "Yep, I'm a-gonna do it." But then Batista walks in and is all "The hell? This never would have happened if you hadn't already lost to Daniel Bryan once last night." And HHH is all "Hey, I'm not the one who tapped out in the main event." Then Orton shows up, and is all "Hey, I lost my title without even getting pinned, so I want my rematch."

It's looking like a giant mess, but then HHH reminds them that, historically, whenever they've been on the same page, things go very well for all three of them. Orton and Batista are cautiously curious... and that's when Steph drops a bombshell: Orton and Batista will team up to take on the Usos in a tag team title match later tonight.

Orton chimes in that that's not the gold he wants, but he's also not in a mood to lose. Batista eyes him and gives a subtle nod: it appears they'll grudgingly work together tonight.

Sheep Mask Freeze Frame: The lamp goes on. "New Orleans, we're here." The lamp goes out. The Wyatts are headed to the ring. We'll see why after these....

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JOHN CENA/SHEAMUS/BIG E vs. THE WYATT FAMILY

Big E doesn't even get an entrance; he's standing at ringside when we return from ads. Sheamus is already three-quarters of the way down the ramp to meet him. Only Cena gets his full entrance, and gets booed out of the arena. Kudos to Cole for finally using the word "polarizing" to describe him, instead of "controversial." The former is 100% accurate, the latter is bordering on a non sequitur.

Once all three good guys are assembled at the base of the ramp, they leap into the ring and and jumpstart a Pier Six brawl. The ref finally restores order, and Cena and Bray are the legal men when the bell rings. The crowd fires up a massive "LET'S GO WY YATT" chant, and boos as Cena takes command. Tag to Sheamus, and the boos actually consider. Sorry about yer damned luck, fella.

The crowd stays just as lively even after Bray tags out, and Rowan takes over. Rowan is not known to be much of a technical mastermind, but hey, at least he's not Cena, right?!? There's a big game of YAY!/BOO! as Rowan faces first Sheamus and then Big E. E gets one cheer of respect for his triple-take backbreaker, but then he makes the mistake of tagging Cena back in. BOOOOOOOOOOO!

Rowan makes the corresponding tag to Harper, however, and Harper wins the battle of fresh men, dropping Cena with a stiff clothesline just in time for us to watch some more....

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Back, and Cena is firmly entrenched as the Face in Peril. Crowd is loving it some Luke, with a big "Let's Go, Harper" chant. They tolerate some Rowan. Along the way, they start singing something, and I have to laugh: it's "John SEEna SUuuuuuucks" to the tune of his entrance theme fanfare. And then they go ape-poopy when Bray finally tags back in. Bray gooses them to go even louder with a rapid-fire "mudhole stomping" in the corner. Cena gets huge boos for a quick hope spot, but Bray puts and end to that with an uranage.

A little more beatdown, but then, as tends to happen, the good guy made the hot tag. In this case, he made it to Sheamus, who is a house o' fire, as he takes out both Harper and Rowan, and then gets HUGE boos when he mocks Bray's arms-out pose. Good on you, Fella, for playing the part the crowd has cast you in.

Bray blind tags himself in, and blindsides Sheamus, which necessitates a tag to Big E. All of a sudden, things break down, and we have ourselves another Pier Sixer. Rowan tackles Cena out of the ring. Harper hits a crazy-ass big-man plancha onto Sheamus. And Bray flattens Big E with his low crossbody.

Then, he walks over to the corner, and the crowd starts murmuring. Bray starts stomping his foot, and the crowd joins in. Then Bray hangs himself upside down, and the crowd goes even ape-poopier. Then, as Wyatt Exorcist Walks himself towards Big E, the audience decides on a sing-songy "Bray is gonna kill you" chant. F'n awesome.

Sure enough, Bray gets up, hits the Sister Abigail, and it's over.

Your Winners: the Wyatt Family, via pinfall, in 15 minutes. In front of any other crowd, it wouldn't have been nearly the same... but in front of this crowd, everything the Wyatts did just popped. I mean, the stuff they can do (well, Harper and Bray, anyway; Rowans a bit more limited) is sweet... but here, the atmosphere turned it into a spectacle. Just way, way fun.

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Coming Soon: Bo Dallas wants you to live your dreams. Anything is possible, if you just.... BOlieve. Just forget that Bo had that one terrible cameo in WWE 15 months ago; this is a new super-douchey heel version of Bo Dallas, and he's been over like Donkey Kong in NXT lately. Hopefully, it'll translate to the bigs. Sometimes the NXT crowd is a bit, ummmm, easily entertained.

SANTINO MARELLA/EMMA vs. FANDANGO/SUMMER RAE

The crowd is "fandangoing," so in some ways, they aren't exactly on the cutting edge of taste and relevence, afterall... they're actually about 10 months behind it. Whoopsie.

Guys start, go about 30 seconds of trading dance moves, then Summer insists to be tagged in. Emma enters, immediately hits the Tarantula (now, the "dilEMMA") and follows up with the EmmaLock. Fin.

Your Winners: Emma and Santino, via submission, in about 45 seconds. Whee. After the match, it seems like Emma would be down with pretty much anything, but Santino just goes for a purely goofy spinning bearhug, instead of getting him a smooch. Oh, those crazy kids... I want to care, but Spike and Molly, it ain't.

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THE ONE AND ONLY

Brock Lesnar, sporting a wicked black eye (which I didn't notice last night, but doesn't surprise me, since he and Taker were pretty much beating the shit out of each other), and accompanied by Paul Heyman, hits the ring. He is not welcomed fondly.

He makes it worse by gesturing (Broadly) to his "Eat, Sleep, Break the Streak" t-shirt. Heyman really gets 'em going by getting on his knees and bowing down to Lesnar.

Then, it's time to speak. Heyman says it is his honor to be the advocate for a great man, the man who put an end to a Streak a quarter-of-a-century in the making. Crowd chants "BULL SHIT." Unfortunately, Heyman has yet to speak any bullshit, so you're just being sore losers.

Heyman acknowledges this by saying it's too bad if they don't like it. But it happened, and Brock Lesnar doesn't care. He's not here to make people happy. He's here to be successful, and if he has to put tears in fans' eyes, so be it. BOO!

Then Heyman says if the people want to boo and bitch, he'll give them a reason; he'll "shoot from the hip." He'll get real.

So Heyman tells the tale of how Undertaker did walk out of the ring last night, but then he collapses as soon as he walked back behind the curtain last night. He had to go to the hospital, and Vincent Kennedy McMahon -- himself a ruthless son of a bitch -- was so worried that he accompanied Taker to the hospital. Taker suffered a concussion, and damn near broke his neck, and that's why his shoulders stayed down on the mat for a three count.

Heyman continues that he doesn't understand one thing: he doesn't understand why "JBL and those two other things at the table" stood up and gave Taker a standing ovation with the other 75,000 people in the SuperDome. Because there's a winner and a loser in every fight. And the winner was Brock Lesnar, Which makes Undertaker a LOOOOOOOOO-ser.

BOO!

And just in case everybody missed the memo, Lesnar's not just the man who beat the Undertaker. He's "The One." He's done things other guys talked about, but never accomplished. He's gone from the ring to the octagon. He's gone from NCAA Division I glory to professional gold. And now, he's "The One" in "21-1."

There are "WWE Superstarssssssssss." There are "Legendssssssss." There are "Hall of Famersssssssssss." Heyman's emphasis on the "sssssss." And as great as they are, they're all plural. Brock Lesnar is a singular sensation. He is "The One."

Heyman throws down the mic. Lesnar's music plays. They leave the ring. Lesnar earned his paycheck last night. Heyman earned his tonight. What a damned diatribe. Dispicable, but indisputable, too.

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Coming Soon: Adam Rose. We talked about him a week or two ago, and now he's on his way to the majors. And he's bringing his Menagerie of Hipster Wangnozzles with him from NXT. Only he's invented a new name for them; his mobile party-on-the-go is now "The Exotic Express." Mine is better; more descriptive, at least.

THE USOS vs. RANDY ORTON/BATISTA (Tag Team Title Match)

It's singles star power vs. teamwork to start. When star power wins, the crowd starts entertaining themselves. "WHY TWO JAY" and "SEE EM PUNK" chants ring out as the former Evolution decimate both Usos. And then... christ, that's a "JUST TIN ROB ERTZ" chant. And this is why I call them "wankers."

Meantime, ORton and Batista's decimation spills outside the ring, and is still entirely one-sided. But the ref is counting. And he reaches 10.

Your Winners: No one, due to double count-out. But Orton and Batista don't care. They finish up the beatdown, then hop in the ring to celebrate their asskicking. They even high five each other. Foreshadowing? How many years has it been since they played the Evolution theme? Might tonight be the night? STAY TUNED~!

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Damien Sandow's already waiting in the ring when we return... I wonder why. Oh. That's why.

ROB VAN DAM vs. DAMIEN SANDOW

We're all adults here. Let's not pretend this was something it wasn't. Poor Damien.

Your Winner: Rob Van Dam, via pinfall, in 3 minutes. So RVD is back, and is sticking around till SummerSlam; now, what to do with him?

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REY MYSTERIO vs. WADE BARRETT

Wade gets huge cheers from the mutinous crowd. I always kind of thought the smarks were underwhelmed by Barrett, but that clearly wasn't the case when he got a very positive response when he interrupted the Hall of Fame on Saturday night. It continues here. Wade tried to preface the match by telling us some Bad News, but Rey attacks from behind, and gets booed for it.

"BAD NEWS BARE YET" chants as Rey starts off with high energy offense. Then Wade kicked Rey in the balls, and turned it around. The wankers did that one sing-songy soccer chant to urge him on, I guess. I would have had Wade pegged as more of a rugby guy than a fan of the Televised Jogging that is soccer.

But at the end of the day, this is still a "heel" beatdown, and formula dictates that Rey stage a babyface comeback. He does, to much displeasure, leading up to the (619)... but when Rey goes up top to Drop The Dime, Wade catches him, and crotches him on the top turnbuckle. One Bullhammer Elbow later, and the crowd is very happy.

Your Winner: Wade Barrett, via pinfall, in about 5 minutes. NOthing fancy; it really did follow a very standard formula. Except for the part where the crowd reacted in exact opposite. So that added a little extra mustard. Hopefully this really is the start of something big for Barrett. He's been the victim of a ton of bad luck (with injuries) and underutilization, over the past 3 years since The Nexus as A Thing.

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ZACK RYDER vs. ALEXANDER RUSEV

Lana does the ring intoduction for Rusev. In Russian. So she gets WHAT'd. [Also, according to Justin Roberts, she is now "The Ravishing Russian." And he's the "Bulgarian Brute." Hokay.]

Then the match happens. Do I really have to spell it out for you?

Your Winner: Alexander Rusev, via submission (he used the Camel Clutch, but Cole had some other stupid name for it), in two minutes flat. Pretty impessive outing. Even more impressive: the heavily European crowd play along with a mighty "USA USA USA" chant. Ironic or not, it made me chuckle.

Recap: a summary of the 2014 Hall of Fame. Which is good, considering the uncut Hall of Fame featured several 17-hour-long speeches. Ahem.

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GARBLE FARGLE NARGLE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR PFFFFFFFFF ROCKET FUEL!

The Ultimate Warrior's music hits, and he walks out on the stage, with short hair, and wearing a suit. Not very Warrior-esque.

But then the camera cuts away as he shuffles his way to the ring, and when we cut back, he's found an old air-brushed Warrior Duster jacket, and he's standing on the apron, shaking the hell out of the ropes. I was worried about the wanker crowd crucifying Warrior, but they are digging it. So am I.

He gets in the ring, and grabs a mic. Old Man Hellwig says he's humbled and doesn't even know what to say.

But then he pulls a Warrior face-paint mask out, puts it on, and snarls out a "Speak to me, Warriors." He says if that old coot (Hellwig) is at a loss for words, maybe HE (Warrior) can help out. Schizophrenia, they name is Warrior!

Warrior proceeds to cut a mostly unintelligible Warrior promo. I think the gist is that his time may have passed, and he's grateful to be remembered, but there's a whole other new generation of warriors here in WWE, and he's going to be sticking around to see them do what they do.

Unintelligible, but unless I massively misinterpreted, well-intentioned. Which is an improvement, given what an asshat Warrior has been in the past.

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WAY TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION THEATRE

AJ, flanked by Tamina -- and, yes, wearing that ring again -- makes her way to the ring. I guess Tamina's just a front-runner, and she wants back in with the women's champ?

She opens her promo with a number: 295. That's how many days she's been Women's Champ, and counting. And as if that's enough chanelling-of-Punk for you, she says she's the Best (Diva) in the World, and the Savior of the Diva Division. Also: she reminds us of the night shut delivered the Lady Pipebomb, and nobody's done anything about it. She called out the entire Diva Division that night, and they've done nothing about it, yet. Last night, it was AJ vs. The World, and AJ won. Now, she IS the Diva's Division.

Some unfamiliar music fires up. But the woman who hits the stage is recognizable to anyone who follows NXT. It's Paige , the current NXT Women's Champ.

She hits the ring, and seems genuine when she says that she looks up to AJ, and she just wanted to congratulate her, since none of the other divas will. But AJ doesn't like being interrupted, and is patronizing as all hell as she "thanks" Paige, but tells her to haul her cute albino ass back to NXT.

Paige insists there's no need for hostility, but she also doesn't like being disrespected. AJ says if there's a problem, we can get a ref out here and settle it. Paige declines, saying she's not ready for that. So AJ bitchslaps her. "Ready now?"

Paige is. AJ then makes the biggest mistake of her life: she says she's so confident she'll even put the women's title on the line.

AJ LEE (w/ Tamina) vs. PAIGE (Women's Title Match)

AJ attacks after the bell, and within 30 seconds, has the challenger in the Widow's Peak. Well, almost. She can't quite cinch it in. Paige keeps fighting.

And all of a sudden, she slides out, and twists into the Paige Turner (a spinning neckbreaker dealy). A sloppy one, but it's the Paige Turner. One, two, new champ!

Your Winner, and NEW Women's Champion: Paige, via pinfall, in 2 minutes flat. Smart booking move. This is the only audience out of the year who'd treat Paige like a conquering hero. And they did. HUGE pop for her debut, and win. I suggested they could put an NXT match or two on the WM pre-show, precisely for thiren: the knowledgable crowd and big reactions they'd get. WWE saw the wisdom of my suggestion, but just saved it back for the next night: and Paige is a good choice, as she's one of the smark favorites in NXT. Truth is, she's been ready to debut for a while, but I really think WWE just felt the need to wait until she was 21, given some issues they've had in the past with promoting underage stars.

Now, time will tell if Paige can duplicate this with other crowds; if nothing else, she's unlike any other diva ever. Much like Punk Rock Grrrrl Lita back in the day, the crowd today may be ready for a pale emo goth chick to rock our socks off. The fact that she can wrestle is pretty awesome, too. I mean it; you may not have seen it in tonight's 90 second match, but you will when these two get a full match at Extreme Rules.

Oh, and OO loves the extra hits it will get when pervs try searching for "Paige Turner" and wind up here. [OO is not proud, but must admit that Paige Turner is one of its very favorite porn stars from back in the day. Probably because she was pretty cute and not very porno-y at all. OO is funny like that.]

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YOU ZIG, CESARO ZAGS

The Andre Trophy is waiting in the ring, and is joined by Hulk Hogan. Hogan rambles briefly about the Battle Royale he created, and his relationship with Andre. But when the audience bails on him, and starts chanting "SEH CZAR OH," he wraps it up, and introduces the winner of the Battle Royale: Cesaro.

And here's Cesaro, but he's shadowed by Zeb Colter. And in fact, when they get to the ring, Hogan tries to hand the mic to Cesaro, but Zeb snatches it. BOO!

Zeb says he'll hand the mic over to Cesaro, eventually, but first, the crowd will listen to a TRUE "Real American." Because, you see, Cesaro is a "Zeb Colter Guy," and it's only a matter of time before the WWE Universe follows suit.

That's when Cesaro steps in and takes the mic. Predictably, he declares he is no longer a Zeb Colter Guy. Unexpectedly, he declares that he is a Paul Heyman Guy. Whoa.

Crowd goes nuts as Heyman appears and confirms that he is, indeed, the new "Chief Strategist" for "the King of Swing," Cesaro. Zeb can't believe that he's been replaced, and gets in Cesaro's face. The crowd chants "King of Swing," so I guess that's gonna stick.

With Cesaro distracted, Jack Swagger runs out and pearl harbors him. He chucks Cesaro out of the ring, and then smashes the hell out of the Andre Trophy. JERK!

Colter calls for a ref to come out, and Heyman seems amenable. So we're gonna have a match. After these...

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CESARO (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/ Zeb Colter)

Back from the break, and we join the match in progress. Hilariously, Heyman is cradling the gold Andre figurine from the trophy like a baby. Adorable.

Also, Swagger is in control, as we appear to have already hit the midmatch heel beatdown. Then Cesaro stages his comeback, including that f'n badass superplex, where he's on the middle turnbuckle, and he superplexes Swagger OVER the ropes from the apron. Man alive.

Then he goes on a rampage, with multiple clubbering forearm blows, and Swagger dives out of the ring. After a confab with Zeb, he walks away.

Your Winner: Cesaro, via count-out, in 4 minutes (not including whatever happened during the ad break). The vibe of Heyman suddenly being a babyface after getting booed out of the building earlier is odd. But there is no doubt that he gives Cesaro instant credibility. So we'll just have to ride that particular oddity out, and see what WWE's plans are. They have Cesaro facing Big Show on Friday's SD, so it might be to keep Cesaro heel once they're away from the WM crowd...

After the match, the entire crowd sings along with Cesaro's music, while doing his piston fists taunt in time to the music. Cute.

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Backstage: Stephanie has assembled the Shield and Kane. She says she doesn't care what happened between them last night. All she cares about is that they understand that they work together to what's right for business. Kane starts a rant about how he can never trust the Shield, but Steph cuts him, and reiterates that they all need to be united, because an Injustice has happened, and isn't that what they ALL fight against?

Daniel Bryan and his YES! Movement spits in the face of her family and this company. Tonight, they can avenge that injustice, but only if they are on the same page. "Am I clear?" There's suspicious eye contact all around... but then Reigns says, "Crystal." Steph seems satisfied.

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DANIEL BRYAN vs. THE WORLD

Bryan makes his ring entrance for the scheduled match against HHH... but as soon as he's in the ring, Randy Orton and Batista show up. They attack from either side, and quickly dominate Bryan.

RKO.

BatistaBomb.

Kane's music hits, and he saunters to the ring. Cole has the audacity to suggest that Kane is here, in the roll of DOO, to bring "sanity" to this carnage. Yeah, right. Kane and "sanity" in the same sentence? High-larious.

Kane gets in the ring and chokeslams Bryan.

Now, and only now, does Triple H arrive.

DANIEL BRYAN vs. TRIPLE H (WWE Title Match)

Steph haranges the ref, until he rings the bell, officially starting this match. HHH, wearing a shit-eating grin, starts picking up Bryan...

Sierra. Hotel. I still don't know what the "" is. Echo. Lima. Delta. It's the Shield entering through the crowd. And this time, Cole declares that things have just gotten even worse for Bryan. Because he's mentally retarded.

The Shield get up on one apron. Kane/Orton/Batista hop up on the other. It's a staredown not unlike Shield/Wyatts, except HHH is trying to play peacemaker, because he knows the Shield won't do anything stupid and risk their jobs. Right?

RIGHT?

Wrong.

Reigns spears HHH, and then the Shield get the better of Kane/Orton/Batista. Stereo planchas for Orton/Batista. Then a superman punch for Kane. The Shield surround HHH, teasing a Triple Powerbomb. But HHH begs off, and makes it near the ropes.

But before he can make a clean exit, Bryan strikes out of nowhere with a Flying Knee. That sends HHH tumbling out of the ring, and to the safety of Kane/Orton/Batista and Steph.

Your Winner: None, just call it a No Decision. But it's not like that matters.

Bryan's music plays, and the show fades to black as he and the Shield share the Eye Contact of Burgeoning Mutual Respect.

And so ends the show. An awesome, awesome show.

Realistically speaking, WWE just crammed about 4 RAWs worth of material into one show, and THAT is why it ruled. This was NOT "Sustainable Episodic Television." But a lot of what they did was capitalizing on the once-a-year live crowd... and for that reason, I won't complain a bit. I'll just sit back and love the fact that RAW was super-eventful, and seemed like it was crafted for the express purpose of catapulting existing stars to new levels and launching new stars to successful careers.

Do this show on a random Monday in Topeka, and half those segments would die on the table... but they were all red hot tonight. I'm still having trouble sorting it all out in my head.

We clearly have Bryan/Shield against the Authority, but what configuration that takes in the short term is unclear. Does Bryan have to defend the WWE Title at Extreme Rules? Against who? Is HHH staying active? If so, are we doing an 8-man tag match at the PPV? Or will he be recruiting one more full-time wrestler to his crew so he can sit back and be the puppet master?

Have we ever had a night when so much fresh talent got pushed, and even more were announced as debuting soon? Not to be a dick, but with that much apparent Roster Turnover on the way, I wouldn't want to be Zack Ryder right now... [seriously though: fingers crossed for Ryder, as he's a guy who deserves better... but Spring Cleaning IS coming, and with so much new talent showing up, it might be a thorough one]

And don't even try to figure out what's up with Paul Heyman. He's an evil mastermind when he works with Lesnar. But he's a beloved (Andre-hugging) manager when he sides with Cesaro.

What a show. It'll be tough to refocus next week when we get back to normal. But for now, I'm not even gonna bother pretending tonight deserves anything other than an A+.

See you next week, kids.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.