OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Re-Evolution
April 14, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Thanks to the many who wrote in last week to clarify what the "I" in the Shield's theme music stands for. It's "India."

In my defense, I was actually very aware that they were using the military letter system. I wouldn't know L was "Lima" if not for the first rated-R movie my parents ever let me watch on HBO (it was "WarGames," and they used the military alphabet in the "Turn Your Key, SIR!" scene).

I mean, "Lima" has got to be one of the most obscure ones in the whole system. It's not like Whiskey Tango Foxtrot or any of the cool ones... but I did know "L," all thanks to WarGames.

I just never learned "I" and some trick of Shield's music makes it a harder one to pick out (and also, I'm too lazy to have ever rewound to listen more carefully, or to look up the military alphabet myself)... so I just went ahead and publically admitted my ignorance, and a bunch of you had my back.

Tango. Hotel. Alpha. November. Kilo. Sierra.

And now, on with the show....

Cold Open: the entire roster is assembled on the stage, as Michael Cole asks our attention as we pay tribute to the Ultimate Warrior. A video montage of classic Warrior moments, interspersed with his eerily prescient speech from last Monday, plays.

When it concluded, they did the customary 10 bell salute.

Then, in place of the usual RAW theme music, they played the Warrior's entrance theme over top of the opening pyro and light show. We cut to the announce table, where Cole & The Gang promise an exciting show, including the first round of an 8-man tournament to determine the #1 Contender to Big E's InterContinental Title. It'll kick off after these....

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ROB VAN DAM vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO (IC Title Tourney Match)

They actually flash the entire bracket before the match, and this is the only first round match where I'm not sure I know who'll win. On one hand, Big E vs. del Rio was heavily hinted at the week leading up to WM (including Alberto getting a clean win over E). On the other, Rob Van Dam doesn't make his periodic returns to job randomly in his third match back. Also: the winner will almost certainly face Cesaro, and after last week, who the hell knows if Cesaro is a face or a heel? So confusing. So we'll have to see how this one breaks...

RVD tries his usual prematch posing and preening, and ADR is having none of it: he jumpstarts things by blindsiding Van Dam. Van Dam tries an immediate fire-up, powered by indignation at ADR's actions, but Alberto snuffs that out, too, and we find ourselves already in mid-match heel beatdown mode.

Hope spot for Van Dam has him chuck del Rio out of the ring. But then he whiffs on the Asai Moonsault to the floor, and Alberto levels him with a clothesline and tosses him into the ringside barricade. Natural break in the action means, as it always does, a break for...

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Back, and we join an RVD rally, in progress. He caps it with Rolling Thunder, for a 2 count. After a bit of botchiness (RVD slipped on his springboard back kick), Alberto catches RVD with knees to the gut on an attempted Split Legged Moonsault. Del Rio's turn to only get a 2.

Alberto goes up top for an unspecified manuever, but RVD catches him in midair with a spinning back kick. Two count. In the name of parity, RVD goes up top for reasons unknown, and gets caught by Alberto's run-up enzuigiri. Only a 2.

Del Rio calls for the cross armbreaker, but RVD counters it into a leg scissors takedown. Alberto kicks out and lands another hard clothesline, but makes the same mistake as before, by going up top. Van Dam yanks his leg out from under him, and ADR crashes and burns. Van Dam springs up to the top rope and nails the Five Star.

Your Winner: Rob Van Dam, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Not entirely smooth, but ultimately satisfying in the standard RVD Way: perhaps not a ton of psychology or flow, but Van Dam bumps around, busts out big high spots, and finally scores the win. If I was seeing it every Monday for years at a time, it might get old. But for four months out of the year? I kinda dig it.

Revelation: Daniel Bryan is not here tonight, because he's off celebrating his honeymoon. He and Brie Bella got married on Friday, so this is a Real Thing. So Cole shoots it to our Bryan Fix for the night: a video package featuring last Monday's action. Afterwards, we also get a sneak peak of Randy Orton and Batista acting surprisingly chummy in a backstage meeting with Triple H.

Ultimate Moment #1: the Honkytonk Man's history-making reign as IC Champ (the longest reign in history) ends in equally historical fashion, as the Ultimate Warrior beat him in about 23 seconds flat (the shortest IC Title change match in history).

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Backstage: Orton and Batista are still meeting with HHH... and HHH is saying that he knows they both want the WWE Title, but he also knows that the Shield have taken a stand. And they're difficult to deal with, to say the least. So before Orton and Batista concern themselves with Daniel Bryan, HHH proposes they concern themselves with the Shield. Once the Shield are out of the way, he'll make sure they're both given a chance at the WWE Title.

But first Batista, and then Orton, say "Sorry. Thanks, but no thanks." They say the Shield is HHH's problem, and he'll have to deal with it on his own. Even with an exhortation from Steph, they seem disinterested in taking care of HHH's dirty work, their successful past (as Evolution) notwithstanding.

GOLDUST/CODY RHODES vs. RYBAXEL

Announcers half-heartedly sell this as an important positioning match in the wide-open tag division. Then, they torpedo their own effort by going off on idiotic tangents about Bryan and Brie's honeymoon. The crowd is as interested as they are, attempting the equally idiotic "ringside roll call" thing. I had no idea that a place as backwater as Birmingham had such a remarkable concentration of wankers.

Match is pure formula, with Goldust as the face in peril for about 3 minutes, then a hot tag to Cody. Pier Four brawl breaks out, and in the chaos, Cody goes for the Disaster Kick, but instead, Ryback knocks him out of midair with a Meathook. Done and done.

Your Winners: Rybaxel, via pinfall, in 4 minutes. Well, if this was about positioning in the tag division, I guess Rybaxel are now in line for another title shot at the Usos. Presumably because they're the only half-relevant heels? I can't think of any other compelling reason. Not even their new theme music (which is a mash-up of Ryback's with the Perfect Fanfare over top). For the love of god, do what I said last week, and put the titles on Orton/Batista to add subtext to the Evolution Reunion story... just please, no more Rybaxel.

Debuting This Week on The Network: "Legends' House." I suppose it might be mindless fun, just because of how much pent up affection I have for guys like Hacksaw and Rowdy Roddy. But honestly, it's still just a contrived "reality" show, regardless of cast. And it's a "reality" show that was already in the can 2 years ago, so it's a dated "reality" show with zero relevance to the present day. I shit you not: my Hollywood Brother went to college with a bunch of friends who also wound up getting jobs in the entertainment business. At his wedding, which is now two years ago, I met one of the producers for Legends' House. And they'd already completed filming it, even then.

No, you can't have any spoilers. This dude said he loved him the OO ever since he found out that one of his friend's brothers was me, and trusted me with his tales. In return, I will keep his secrets about what happened among the elderly, in the distant past.

I gather they DID do a few re-shoots/pick-ups this spring, all of the "single guy to camera, with green screen so you can make it look like anything" variety, but that doesn't exactly solve the underlying (ahem) "reality" of the situation...

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Coming Soon: Bo Dallas. You better BOlieve it.

PAIGE vs. ALICIA FOX (Non-Title Match)

Story here is that Paige got lucky last week, and that pretty much the entire Diva division is licking its chops in anticipation of a chance to be the one to expose Paige as being in over her head.

In addition to the commentary crew spinning this yarn, Alicia is contributing to the tale by pretty much kicking Paige's ass for 2 or 3 minutes, nominally focused on Paige's lower back.

But then Paige made her comeback, showed off some nice chain wrestling skills (a series of short-arm clotheslines, but all without releasing a wristlock), and then cinched in a sweet Deathlock Surfboard combo. Alicia taps out. [I guess somebody at WWE read my recap last week, and realized that they don't need one of their stars having a finishing hold that's also the name of one of OO's favorite porn stars. So, in order to accomodate them, allow me to say: PAIGE TURNER PAIGE TURNER PAIGE TURNER!]

Your Winner: Paige, via submission, in 3 minutes flat. I don't know exactly how detailed WWE's plan for Paige is, at this early stage, but I can't argue with keeping her on this trajectory: adding a little bit more every week, to prove she's NOT in over her head. But not just all of a sudden making her unstoppable, or anything. Incremental improvements. Maybe a "1-2-3 Kid" philosophy? Yeah, that fits.

Also, allow me to repeat that she did NOT use the PAIGE TURNER in this match. PAIGE TURNER! Suck it, unwitting gOOgle victims who ended up here, and don't know why! It's all page views to me! Yes, PAGE views. Unless I find out Paige Views is also a popular serach term...

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THE USOS vs. EVODOUCHEON (Non-title)

So I guess, despite the previous backstage bit, Orton and Batista are still willing to work together as a team, even if they aren't willing to work with HHH? According to Cole, the backstory here is actually that the Usos were embarassed when they got caught off guard last week, and want another chance to fight Orton and Batista, now that they're prepared for a brawl.

So they issued a challenge. And whatever their other issues, neither Batista nor Orton is keen on turning down a challenge. So here we are.

Of note, the Usos have modified their usual face paint, and each is sporting half of the Warrior's face paint. Nice touch.

Usos also get off to a hot start, but after about 60 seconds, capped off by Stereo Planchas, we settle things down to one-on-one, and almost immediately, Ricky Uso is getting his ass handed to him by Batista. Then, the former members of Evolution start in with the rapid tags and teamwork. The beatdown is on.

And it continues until the Shield run in out of nowhere and attack Orton, and then surround Batista. They get about one decent shot in on Batista, but then Orton reaches up and pulls Batista out of the ring.

Your Winners: None Declared, but presumably, Douchelution wins by DQ, after 3 minutes. But more pragmatically, the Shield are the winners, in the sense that they were standing tall after the segment, while Batista/Orton were backpeddaling, and the Usos were completely MIA.

Ultimate Moment #2: WrestleMania 6, when Warrior beat Hogan for the WWF Title. Good times.

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A Moment of Clarification: Paul Heyman comes out on the stage, and promptly reminds us of how his client, Barack Lesnar, beat the Undertaker at WrestleMania. He repeats it a few times, to make sure we understand and believe him, because many of the ringside fans seemed in disbelief last Sunday. Then, Heyman tells us these are the great things that can happen to you, when you are represented by Paul Heyman.

And finally, he transfers the massive heel heat onto his new client, and introduces us to Cesaro. So that clears things up, once and for all: WWE is still treating Cesaro as a heel, and the WM wanker-heavy crowd's positive reaction is not pertinent to his current status. OK, works for me, I guess.

MARK HENRY vs. CESARO (w/ Paul Heyman, IC Title Tourney Match)

Now that we know Cesaro is considered a heel, I'll also state that I already had Cesaro penciled in as the winner here. I just assumed Henry's here to play the fat man/prop for Cesaro's latest feats of strength.

I was right. About 2 minutes of token back and forth, then a flying Elevation Uppercut off the second rope, followed by a damned impressive Neutralizer.

Your Winner: Cesaro, via pinfall, in 3 minutes. Cesaro vs. RVD, it is; should be interesting. Afterwards, Heyman steals the mic and handles the announcement of our winner, to further cement Cesaro as a bad guy. Also: no entrance music for the guy, either. I guess the Real American theme was deemed too catchy?

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Backstage: HHH and Steph have summoned Brad Maddox (still, ostensibly, the GM of RAW). They tell him to go find the Shield and inform them that they will be wrestling in tonight's main event. Maddox asks if he should tell them their opponents. Steph doesn't think that'll be necessary. Secrecy, it is! Drama, FTW~!

EGGSAVIER WOODS (R-Truth) vs. ALEXANDER RUSEV (w. Lana)

We're all adults here. Let's not pretend this was something it wasn't.

Your Winner: Alexander Rusev, via submission, in 90 seconds. He once again used the Camel Clutch, but Cole once again called it something else, because I hate him. After the match, Truth tries to check on his buddy, but Rusev levels him with a stiff ass kick. I guess we know who next week's victim will be. Then I vote for the obvious handicap match in two weeks. RUSEV SMASH~!

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Ultimate Moment #3: the Warrior retains his WWF Title in a steel cage, against Rick Rude, at SummerSlam 1990.

SHEAMUS vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/ Zeb Colter, IC Title Tourney Match)

If my predictions are to hold true, this'll be a win for Sheamus. Partly because it makes more sense for the semi-finals (I don't think Ziggler's gonna win later tonight), but MOSTLY because as soon as I saw the bracket, I began salivating for a nice, long, brutally-hard-hitting finals match between Sheamus and Cesaro.

I mean, we got a taste of it in tag matches leading up to the Elimination Chamber match, and it was awesome enough, but I want a full-on, 15 minute singles match between the two. Ergo: Sheamus must win.

Fast start for Sheamus, but the Zeb creates a timely distraction, and Swagger takes over, following a spinebuster out on the floor (catching Sheamus, who was diving off the apron, to deliver the move). Pretty bland beatdown sequence, and then Sheamus fires up out of a double-underhook-y type submission move.

A few Irish Hammers, a big knee lift, and then the Ten of Clubs. Sheamus on a roll. Up top for a Battering Ram, but it only gets a 2 count. Sheamus sets up for his springboard tackle, but Swagger sidesteps and snatches the ankle for the Patriot Act. Sheamus powers out, but has to roll outside to collect himself.

Swagger's not dilly-dallying, though; he follows Sheamus outside, and rams him into the steel ring steps. Then, he tosses Sheamus back into the ring... and also makes the mistake of dilly-dallying NOW. When Swagger finally sashays his self back into the ring, he walks right into a Brogue Kick. Fin.

Your Winner: Sheamus, via pinfall, in 6 minutes. A bit time-compressed, and Swagger's offense wasn't the most thrilling... but the final sequence told its story well enough, with Swagger weathering the initial storm, but Sheamus persevering even after his ankle had been injured.

Coming Soon: Adam Rose. A few of you have written in, asking for more details about the guy, and whether I really like him that much. Well, to be clear, I never said *I* like him that much. I just pointed out that his act is getting over huge in NXT since his make-over. And it's not like the Orlando WankerZone has anything on NXT's audience in terms of being a bit easily entertained. Personally, I think he has a great ring entrance that everybody should love. But after that, he still has to -- you know? -- wrestle. And that's where things could get a bit dodgy.

BIG SHOW vs. DAMIEN SANDOW

Sandow decids to preface the match with a few comments about how frustrated he is about the way he's being treated lately. The powers that be try to cut him off by hitting Big Show's music, but Sandow screams over top of it, saying he doesn't care, he will NOT be silenced. He is a MitB winner, he was seconds away from winning the WWE Title, and he's their intellectual superior.

WHen Show gets to the ring, he decides to let it play out. He lounges in a corner. Sandow invites him "If you've got something to say, now would be a great time to keep it to yourself, Big Show." Show chuckles, and lets it slide.

But then Sandow starts demanding respect. Respect from the fans. And respect from Big Show. He gets right up in Show's face, and says that if he doesn't get respect, maybe he'll have to TAKE it.

Show's finally had enough. So he hits the WMD.

Your Winner: none, since the bell never rang to start the match. But they play Show's music and he walks away in victorious manner. I'm sure Sandow will have something to say about that next week. And I'm sure it will end just as well for him.

Sheepmask Freezeframe: the lantern is lit. "We're next." The lantern goes out. Huh, so much for my assumption that the main event was gonna be Shield vs. Wyatts.

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"JOHN CENA DOES NOT KNOW WHAT WORDS MEAN" THEATRE

Ah, I see; the Wyatts are only here to talk. So my assumption about the main event may still hold true. We'll hve to wait and see.

Short version: the fans are all sheep who see what they're told to see. But Bray sees things for what they really are. And that includes John Cena, who is a terrible, terrible monster. "But don't worry kiddies, I won't let him do this to you anymore." "Abigail will be my sword in this crusade," and he'll finally expose Cena at Extreme Rules.

Long version: is much longer, and wouldn't translate as well as a transcript as it does as a Bray Diatribe. So screw it.

In summary, Bray says he'll fight at Extreme Rules, but he'd like to play tonight. So JonJon, can you come out and play?

Sure enough, here's Cena, and he wants to play. He sure as hell doesn't want to take the Wyatts seriously. In fact, his mission tonight is to get the Wyatts to lighten up.

Cena says Rowan seems like a laugh riot, suggests the deep down, Harper is the kind of guy who'd streak through the quad. And Bray? With those white pants and swanky hats, he must be a total ladies' man.

High-larious. Or not. Ahem.

Then Cena busts out the crappy photoshops, with "pictures" of Sister Agibail (Bray's face on a fat woman's body), Mama Wyatt (Harper's face), and little Chastity Lynn Wyatt (Rowan's face on a baby). "Chastity Lynn"? What, was OO not the only one who lost a bet and had to shoehorn a porno name into its schtick, John?

Bray's about as amused as I, and anybody over the age of 12, are, and sarcastically calls Cena "hilarious" and says he's just hiding behind jokes, like he always does.

Cena says, "Fine, if you want serious, let's get serious." And then, he promptly makes a Cinn-a-bon joke, because Bray Wyatt is fat. SO SERIOUS~! Jesus, at least TRY to keep a cogent thread going for more than 30 seconds, man.... but I guess he does get serious after that, or at least: all fake-angry and shout-y. Cena says he's issuing a challenge: Cena vs. Bray, in a steel cage, so it's one-on-one.

Now it's Bray's turn to seem giggly and happy at an inappropriate time, because, you see, he LOVES this idea. He accepts the challenge. He welcomes it. Because he can't wait to introduce us all to his reality.

And then he sings "He's Got the Whole World in his Hands" because creepy.

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SANTINO/EMMA vs. FANDANGO/LAYLA

Layla replaced Summer Rae last Friday, after a "storyline" that consisted of a grand total of two tweets. Whatever. The gist is Fandango accused Summer of being an albatross on his career, so he "upgraded" to Layla.

Said gist is underscored when Layla tags herself in (after the fellas did about 30 seconds of wrestling), and immediately beat the crap out of Emma for the pinfall win.

Your Winners: Layla and Fandango, via pinfall in 90 seconds. She helped him win a singles match on Friday, now she scored the pin in a mixed tag match. Layla's value > Summer's. If nothing else, this puts Layla into a relevant position (and one that suits her, since she can actually dance, unlike Summer), without really hurting Summer (who seems to have gotten over on her own in rare singles matches). That's a win/win situation.

Backstage: Staphanie McMahon is berating Kane. She says that she had certain expectations when she hired Kane as Director of Operations, and he's let her down in every imaginable way. She wanted a soulless, heartless enforcer, and instead, Kane's been essentially impotent against Daniel Bryan. Kane tries to defend himself, but Steph slaps him and calls him a disappointment.

Kane stands up, seemingly on the brink of fighting back. But instead, he walks over to the case where Steph has been keeping his mask since last Fall. He looks at it. He looks at Steph. He looks at the mask again. He picks it up, and clamly says to Stephanie, "I. Will. EVISCERATE. Daniel Bryan." Steph likey. Lawler sells it with a solemn "Oh my God".... so apparently, the old Kane is coming back, and both Stephanie and Jerry know what that means. And one is happier about it than the other.

Myself, I think it's a pretty clever bit of booking to create the necessary "balance" in the 8-man Bryan/Shield vs. Evolution/Authority deal. Corporate Kane was pretty much all used up, so re-masking him makes him instantly credible, at least for the short term. Which is all you need to get us through one or two PPVs, where he'll probably face Bryan one-on-one, or join in for a big 8-man tag (or both, one after the other).

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Ultimate Moment #4: Last week, Warrior got in the ring on RAW, and delivered one final address to the fans.

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. WADE BARRETT (IC Title Tourney Match)

Let's see if my vision for this bracket proves accurate...

Slow out of the gate, with Ziggler actually playing the chickenshit/duck out of the ring card. Then, to confound me further, Wade tries to start a "BAD NEWS, BAD NEWS" chant, and he has some takers. And when they engage each other again, Ziggler controls things with a freaking side headlock. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were purposely trying a role reversal.

But about 3 minutes in, Ziggler finally shows some spark of life, hitting a big dropkick and then a flying dive to the outside. Then, he even took a patented Ouchy-Looking Ziggler Bump when Wade side stepped a charge, and sent Dolph crashing into the steel ring post. The lull in action means....

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Back, and the return to form is complete, as Wade's now the one working a boring-ass headlock. There's our heel! Almost immediately, Ziggler dodges a charge, and Barrett eats the ring post.

Mini-fire-up is snuffed out with the Wastelands. Only a 2. Barrett is frustrated, and argues with the ref, allowing Ziggler to counter out of a pumphandle slam, and hit the Fameasser. But again, only a 2.

Wade dodges a Stinger Splash, but takes too long going to the top rope. Ziggler catches him and crotches him. Dolph hits a top rope facebuster. Only a 2. But it took a lot out of Ziggler, too, so both men are now down.

Ref applies the double count. Both men up at 8. Ziggler tries for the Zig Zag, but Barrett counters with the Bossman side slam. Only a 2. Barrett calls for the BUllhammer Elbow, Ziggler ducks, Ziggler charges, Barrett hoists him up for a flapjack, and then hits the BUllhammer on the second try.

Your Winner: Wade Barrett, via pinfall, in 12 minutes. A bit off-kilter to start, but it did get good by the end. Afterwards, Wade too the mic: "I've got some bad news for you. You're looking at the next InterContinental Champion."

That Was Fast: a vignette for Masked Kane airs. Uhhhhh, it's only been 30 minutes since Kane took his mask back. And they've already filmed and edited a promotional video for him? It's almost like they knew this was coming. You know, I'm beginning to think wrestling may be fake...

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THE SHIELD vs. ????????

Sierra. Hotel. INDIA. Echo. Lima. Delta.

The Shield hit the ring, wearing their new facemasky thingies, and await their opponents.

Alberto del Rio is announced first. Then Jack Swagger. Then Fandango.

And just as Lawler comments on what an odd trio that is, 3MB's music hits, and pretty much every midcard heel on the roster follow Rusev. Titus. Rybaxel. A couple others.

THE SHIELD vs. 12 MOSTLY RANDOM GUYS

So, the Authority have the power to book a 12-on-3 match. But the bad guys still have to tag in and out. The hell? Just do the crazy-ass Pier Fifteen brawl. I mean, it's already 11:02pm (eastern). Nobody's expecting a mat classic, here.

But nope. Rollins is the face in peril, and the heels take turns tagging in to hit one or two moves apiece. Whee.

Finally, Reigns has had enough, and just randomly runs in to spear Ryback. Ambrose and Rollins follow with crazy dives onto the scrum, and NOW the Pier Fifteener breaks out. Advantage? The side with 12 guys.

They beat the crap out of the Shield for a minute or so...

Your Winner: None Announced, probably a No Decision. Pretty much the opposite of a compelling main event. But it served its purpose, which was as a flimsy premise for what happened next...

After the Match: Motorhead fires up. No, not that one. Not that one, either. The other one. It's Evolution, and they're all together, afterall. Triple H invites the hired goons to leave, so Evolution can finish things.

The Shield briefly fights the good fight, but soon enough, Evolution gets the upper hand, and deliver the death blows.

BatistaBomb for Reigns. Rollins gets the RKO.

Then, Ambrose gets the combo BatistaBomb/RKO that they used at WM against Bryan. Nasty. I once again call for these two to form a Miracle Douche Connection, and go for the tag titles as part of the Evolution reunion. They've got some serious chemistry going, as of late. Granted, it's the sort of chemistry where their team should be sponsored by Axe Brand Bodyspray, or equivalent brand favored by those who wear skinny jeans and/or enjoy date rape, but that's part of the beauty of it.

Finally, Reigns comes back for more, and eats a Pedigree, as HHH shouts "Believe... in Evolution!" We fade to black on Evolution's celebration.

And so ends the show. Nowhere near last week's nonstop edgeofyourseatery... but then again, last week's show featured about a month's worth of highspots in one three hour show.

Tonight was more along the lines of Sustainable Episodic TV. You had the IC Tourney, which not only provided ample material for tonight's show, but also creates a hook for next week's semi-finals. And while not exactly a stunning shocker, the reconstitution of Evolution counts as a "moment," and they didn't exactly offend me by milking things for the whole 3 hour show before finally making the (expected) reveal.

Add in a few incremental advances (like Paige's credibility, or the addition of a stip to Cena/Wyatt) and that's a decent piece of business. For my personal tastes, I'd like to see at least one really, really good in-ring match per week (with a couple more on SD), but I am willing to acknowledge that things are kind of in a state of flux with all manner of debuts and swerves... so that tends to result in more, shorter segments, which is the death of the three-segment wrestling match.

But sooner than later, things will settle down, and I hope getting back to that is a priority for RAW. We can find out together next week, kids.

In the meantime, I'll step back, roll tonight's show around in my brain, and my Inner Pyro comes back with a grade of B-.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.