OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Anvils For All!
June 9, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Greetings and Feliciations, OO Nation: in the words of my hero, please allow me to beg your indulgence for a moment here at the top of the column...

You see, my Hollywood Brother (hereafter referred to as Stephen, because it is his name) has enjoyed much success in his chosen field, as a writer. He long ago passed me up as the Scaia Brother whose scribblings were seen by the most people. But he hasn't yet been given the opportunity to be a director.

So as of yesterday, he's trying to make his own opportunity, in the form of a high-end "fan film" set in the Indiana Jones universe (focused on Indiana's daughter), and funded by YOU, the fans, via Kickstarter. Check it out, he has videos and concept art and stuff there, to give you a great idea of what's in store. He's also got a script, he's got a special effects company, and he's got a cast (including the Genuinely Famous Timothy Omundson, as seen in "Psych," "Deadwood," and many other cool things, starring as the evil villian). And if he gets the money, he's going to direct the thing himself, to show those nimrods out on the left coast what they've been missing out on.

Here's Timmy O. himself, with a plea:

So please: toss a few bucks Stephen's way. Starting at the $25 level, you even get free stuff in return (starting with a digital copy of the movie, all the way up through signed memoribilia and more). Some of the really high-end rewards are sort of aimed at doners already in California (like walk-on extra spots in the film, or tickets to the Red Carpet, or -- and believe me, I've already razzed him about the outlandish, delusional pomposity of this one -- a chance to EAT LUNCH with my brother and his wife), but hey, why not at least jack it all the way up to $75 and get yourself the free poster?

Or, honestly, whatever you feel like giving. I tried not to get Stephen's hopes up, since there are many thousands of you out there, but only one-third of one percent of you donate to MY cause, and I'm a wrestling site catering to wrestling fans. Which is sort of depressing, but luckily, I'm egomaniacal enough that I consider your rapt attention to be a gratifying form of compensation. But hopefully, among said wrestling fans, there are at least a few of you who enjoy the same types of classic movies, and will take my word for it that my brother will do you proud if he gets the chance.

Again, the kickstarter is HERE. Please consider dropping a few bucks on "Army of the Lost Horizon," and then, tell all YOUR followers about it on the social medias so they can hit their goal sooner than later.

Thanks. And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming:

A BLOCKBUSTER COLD OPEN

We slam cut to the inside of Target Center in Minneapolis, where the Authority are on their way to the ring. And they've promised a BLockbuster Announcement to kick off the show. If you've been paying attention (or even just reading the RAW Preview in the OO Forums), you've got a bad feeling about this...

Steph immediately goes all Orton on us, badly mangling several lines, including the notion that we've all been on pins and needles regarding the uncertainty over the WWE Title, but now, we've got "resolve." Bzzt.

Anyway, towards the goal of RESOLUTION, she shoots it up to a pre-taped announcement from Daniel Bryan's surgeon... and he says that Bryan's will is there, but his body will not be healed enough for him to get medical clearance to compete at Money in the Bank.

As the crowd grumbles and boos, both HHH and Steph take turns milking it with zero-content-added rambling... oy. I'm all for when promos seem less scripted and more spontaneous, but this was almost as if neither put an iota of forethought into things.

Finally, they get to the point, which is that -- per last week's ultimatum -- the WWE Title will now be up for grabs in a Ladder Match. A pan-back reveals that both title belts are hanging above the ring (on the same "unification" hook thingie from last year's TLC PPV)... Steph confirms that Alberto del Rio is already qualified, and Hunter declares that "just because he is who he is," Randy Orton is also pre-qualified. Additional superstars will be added with more qualifiers in the coming weeks.

And then, HHH steers us in a whole other direction, talking about the Shield, and how this little feud isn't over until HHH says it's over. Until HHH wins. He helpfully points us to the Tron, where the Video Package For the Benefit of Those With ADD (which was skipped in favor of the cold open) finally plays. Yippee.

HHH re-affirms that this is only over when the Shield exists no more, and has an idea to hasten said ending. He's booking a six-man tag match main event for later tonight: the Shield against the Wyatt Family. And since Ambrose and Reigns have been running roughshod over the entire roster for the last 18 months, HHH is SURE they won't be able to find a partner, so you might as well just call it a handicap match. You heard HHH: NO PARTNER! NO CHANCE! NEVER EVER NEVER!

Ahem. Telegraph much, Trips?

[ads]

SHEAMUS vs. WADE BARRETT (Non-Title, MitB Qualifying Match)

Well, I guess my desire -- shared with just about the entirety of the WWE audience -- to see a second MitB Ladder Match added (so one of them can be for the Briefcase, which is now an ingrained part of WWE Lore, and a year without it would suck; like a year without a Rumble) is out the window. These secondary title guys (and their main challengers like Cesaro and RVD, plus Ziggler, Kofi, and the ilk) would be the anchors of THAT match, while the main MitB match for the belts would be more like Cena, Orton, del Rio, and presumably Kane who are actually credible World Champs, instead of the credible breakthrough briefcase holders.

Oh well... maybe we can still go that route, albeit with the talents allocated a bit differently than makes sense to my mind. I mean, even though Sheamus is now at the secondary level, he IS a former world champ, so they might figure he fits in at that level, while Barrett would do just fine in a briefcase match, right?

For now, we've got this qualifier between the IC and US champs. Let's focus...

They trade heavy clubbering blows to start, and the vocal minority are chanting for Barrett (and audibly booing when Sheamus lands a shot). We can only assume there's still a silent majority out there favoring Sheamus.

It's a solid 5 minutes of back-and-forthy, and then Sheamus hits a bodyblock on Wade, near the ropes, so both guys go flying over the top rope. Both guys down, so you know that means....

[ads]

Back, and Wade's in control for about 30 seconds, before he goes for a second rope move, but instead eats Sheamus' knees. Sheamus fires up to a mostly-positive reaction, as the silent majority speak up. We enter End Game when Sheamus whiffs on a top rope move, and Barrett hits a Winds of Change for a 2 count. Quick grapple, and Sheamus gets a near fall off the Irish Curse.

Attempted Brogue Kick, but Barrett ducks out of the ring. Sheamus tries for a big top rope to the floor dive, but Barrett dodges again. Wade hopes for the count-out win, but Sheamus just barely beats it. No problem, as Barrett just hits the Wastelands, and makes the cocky cover...

But nope, Sheamus kicks out. Wade goes to Plan C, and warms up the Bullhammer... but Sheamus ducks and counters it into the White Noise. But again, only for a 2. After the 3 minutes of solid back-and-forth-y, the crowd gives 'em a "This Is Awe Some clap clap clapclapclap"...

Sheamus is setting up for the Ten of Clubs, but Barrett counters it, clotheslining Sheamus right arm over the top rope, and then running him, right shoulder first, into the ring post... as Sheamus slumps in a corner, Barrett warms up the Bullhammer for a second time.

But as soon as he turns to address Sheamus, Sheamus hits a flash Brogue Kick out of nowhere.

Your Winner: Sheamus, via pinfall, in about 12 minutes. Really good, hard-hitting, fast-paced affair that avoid falling into the same-old/same-old formulae. Then, they tagged on an excellent final 3-4 minute End Game. Of the two, Sheamus is the one who fits better in a world title match, so that works for me, too.

Sheep Mask Freeze Frame: we're in the Wyatts' Lair, where Harper and Rowan appear to be alone. Harper waxes poetic about the inappropriate urges that plague mankind... and that's when Bray appears, and adds his own two cents about all the greed and lust and evil out there in the big wide world, and how he'll teach them all a lesson about those terrible urges, because he's reborn, and he can. Follow. The Buzzards.

[ads]

ZACK RYDER vs. ALEXANDER RUSEV (w/ Lana)

Lana comes out, first, and I swear, her pirouette is getting slower every week, because she really, really wants us to check out that ass. Sadly, it's all downhill from there, as the lame-ass rhetoric is in full effect. Obama's a sissy, Putin is a real man. You know, the basic sort of narrative that only resonates with FOX News viewers. Or with wrestling fans back in the 80s, when we were kids and so very naive to the point that "because they're different from me" was a valid reason to hate somebody. I mean, OK, so Putin is getting kind of Hitler-y, and if I saw him, I'd boo him; but last I checked, Putin isn't a WWE wrestler, so.... well, you get the picture. This is a moderately insulting level of ethnocentrism.

Then Rusev enters, and they make a big ordeal out of placing his fancy gold star in a box, and the match is on. But hey, we're all adults here, so let's not pretend this was something it wasn't.

Your Winner: Rusev, via submission, in 90 seconds. Pretend to care.

[ads]

GOLDUST/R-TRUTH vs. RYBAXEL

Goldust's Tag Partner Walkabout -- in which Goldust is experimenting with other partners, with Cody's blessing -- continues with R-Truth.

Super time-compression, here. Truth as Face in Peril, hot tag to Goldust at the 60 second mark, big flurry, culminating with Goldust hitting a big 7-10 Split Moonsault on both guys. From there, it's a Pier Four Brawl, and in the chaos, Axel rolled up Goldust for the pin.

Your Winners: Rybaxel, via pinfall, in 2 minutes flat. Cody was watching on from backstage, and the story -- as driven home by JBL -- is that no matter how good a partner Cody finds for Goldust, they'll still be two wrestlers facing the ONE TEAM that is Rybaxel.

Backstage: Layla is getting tended to by a make-up lady, talking about how pretty she'll be tonight. Summer Rae sneaks up from behind, and tosses a glass of milk in Layla's face. Because a glass of water simply wouldn't have conjured up the same tidal wave of naughty thoughts among all males aged 15 and up. TV-PG, FTW!

[ads]

SOMETIMES, 2 IS MORE THAN 3

When we come back from ads, 3MB are in the ring, where Heath Slater says this was SUPPOSED to be a segment with the Shield talking. But 3MB is not about talking, they are about doing...

Then the Sierra Hotel India Echo Lima Delta hits, and Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns come out through the crowd to give 3MB a chance to do something.

Cole: [insanely panicky voice] "OH MY GOD, IT'S 3-ON-2, THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!"
JBL: [deadpan] "You're right. 3MB needs more guys."

JBL is right. Two-thirds of the Shield is more than enough to take care of 3MB, with ease. Slater even tries to scurry away to safety, in the middle of the fight, but Reigns (who had brawled into the timekeeper area with McIntyre) cut through the crowd, and caught him with a vicious spear on top of the stage. That was pretty sweet.

Now, the Shield do their planned bit o' talky talk.

Ambrose's comments are directed towards Rollins. He can't wait to hear Rollins' bullshit excuse for turning on them (which is apparently coming later tonight), and then goes into graphic detail about the facial reconstructive surgery he plans to perform on Rollins' face, using his fist. It ends with Ambrose feeding Rollins his own disconnected nose through the massive hole in his teeth, through which Rollins lies.

Then Reigns takes a turn, and has comments for both Randy Orton and Triple H. He lays out his current agenda, which starts with Orton (Reigns says Orton's days as "The Face of WWE" are over, and he'll soon be The Ass of WWE), and then ends when he finally gets his hands on Triple H. "King of Kings, eh? Oooooooohhhhh, scary. Get ready for us to play a Game of Thrones on your ass." Mic toss.

Works for me. Not only was the promo spot on in terms of setting up Ambrose/Rollins and Reigns/Orton (and tag matches) as the short term, with Reigns/HHH being the long term goal.... but they kept playing up the idea that the Shield won't be able to find a partner for later tonight, but this proves they can take out 3 guys. Which isn't exactly true, since the Wyatts are NOT 3MB. But it's still a cute little touch that they didn't have to do, and made this much more than a straight promo segment.

[ads]

THE USOS vs. FANDANGO & DAMIEN SANDOW (w/ Layla)

Layla's still a wet hot mess after being drenched in a viscous white fluid. And Damien Sandow is in a body suit, waving a ribbon. Apparently, Fandango's the ballroom dancer, but Sandow's current gimmick is Interpretive Dancer. I liked my idea way better (in the RAW Preview, I called for Damien "the Body" Sandow, since Jesse Ventura is the obvious go-to in Minnesota; and interpretive dance is completely random and irrelevant).

That said, Sandow's all-in on the gimmick, and the crowd is going completely ape-poopy with "Let's Go Sandow" chants as he prances to and fro, all while getting the better of Ricky Uso. But as always happens, the tag to Robert Uso comes, and in this case, he needs all of 30 seconds to hit a Samoan Drop on Sandow, and follow it up with a Superfly Splash.

Your Winners: the Usos, via pinfall, in about 3 minutes. I guess we chalk up the random "interpretive dancer" schtick as an excuse to pair Sandow with Fandango (killing two birds with one stone, as you not only have an excuse to do the Layla/Summer thing, but also get Sandow on TV). And like I said, Sandow really hammed it up, and in turn, the fans sure ate it up. Sandow getting a massive reaction -- no matter what it was for -- beats Sandow getting no TV time at all. Like he did last Friday, when a perfectly good Sandow/Adam Rose segment (in which Sandow was dressed up as PETE Rose, because Cincinnati) took place, but did not air.

[ads]

EGGSAVIER WOODS vs. "THE INSPIRATIONAL" BO DALLAS

D'oh. So long as Bo is following the Rusev Plan, I apparently need a different way to say "We're all adults here, so let's not pretend this was something it wasn't." Because only a hack would use it twice in the same recap.

Then again, WWE's the one providing two duplicate segments in the same show. Right down to the part where there's some cheesy cheap heat mic work before the foregone conclusion of a match. So really, who's the hack, now?

Crowd's so enthralled by this that the loudest noise of the match is a "SEE EM PUNK" chant, which pretty much says everything that needs to be said. As money as Bo's douchey character was as he honed it in NXT, it has yet to really translate....

Your Winner: Bo Dallas, via pinfall, in 2 minutes. I can state, with authority, that this was a thing that happened.

[ads]

ROB VAN DAM vs. CESARO (MitB Qualifier)

Applying the same logic I did in the previous qualifier, RVD seems the better fit in a WWE Title match (as an established former world champ), while Cesaro's better served in a briefcase match (should they choose to do one). Let's see if that holds....

Paul Heyman prefaces the match by bringing up His Client, Brock Lesnar, who attended the University of Minnesota. Which gets a babyface pop. Heyman eggs the fans on, by saying he and His Client -- who (as Paul glances up to the belts still hanging above the ring) just so happens to be the Next WWE Champion -- decided this was the right time and place for a WrestleMania celebration. The crowd starts going crazy at the prospects of seeing Brock, and Brock entering himself in MitB! So here he is, ladies and gentlemen.... here is...

The Winner of the WrestleMania Andre Battle Royale, CESARO! Oh, he meant his OTHER client. Jerk. "BOOOO~!" says the crowd.

Then RVD enters, and we're off. The crowd still won't let go, and their first chant is "We Want Lesnar." But then that peters out, and we get a mild "King of Swing" chant. But RVD is coming out fast, so the pro-Cesaro crowd ultimately has little to cheer for during these opening minutes.

It all builds up to RVD taking Cesaro out with a senton dive to the floor that takes a lot out of himself. Both men down, so we break for...

[ads]

Back, and Cesaro has taken over, and is working an Ortonlock. But RVD powers out, then counters a kick with a step-through enzuiguri for a hope spot, then Cesaro settles in for a more kinetic beatdown, with lots of striking and stomping.

But when RVD reverse leapfrogs a corner chage, and hits a front kick, the rally is on. Builds up to a split leg moonsault for a convincing two count. But when RVD goes for the rolling monkey flip, Cesaro counters with an Elevation Uppercut for a convincing near fall of his own.

Now it's full-on back-and-forth. Rolling Thunder by RVD. Powerbomb by Cesaro. Kicks by RVD. Forearms from Cesaro. But when RVD charges, Cesaro moves, and Van Dam eats the ring post. Cesaro pounces with a Neutralizer.

Your Winner: Cesaro, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Decent stuff, but RVD continues to be a shell of his former self in this second comeback run. This is definitely TNA RVD, not 2013 First Comeback RVD. Maybe that's why they gave Cesaro the win... still, to my logic, I'd rather have Cesaro in a match he could win, rather than a match where he has a 0.0% chance of winning.

OO is Happy: while recapping the MitB line-up, the announcers reveal that Randy Orton was given the night off, and just tweeted a picture of himself on vacation somewhere tropical. If true, OO loves it the prospects of an Orton-free night!

Also, they flashed a graphic for the MitB Ladder Match, which featured Orton, del Rio, Sheamus, and Cesaro... along with 3 Mystery Question Marks. So that means WWE is going with a 7-man match. Which isn't traditional, but what the hell: over the years, we've had everything from 5-man MitBs to 10-man ones, so whose to say what's "tradition"?

[ads]

ROLLINS' EXPLANATION, TAKE TWO

After SmackDown's promo where Seth Rollins said "my explanation is that you people don't deserve an explanation," here he is to give an explanation. Because it took the Writer Monkeys a week to figure out Rollins' motivation after Vince -- in a spastic over-reaction to ratings and stock price losses -- mandated the heel turn with less than 24 hours notice. By all accounts, he's been completely on tilt the last 3 weeks or so, and Rollins' turn is the latest evidence.

Rollins even has new music, and is wearing a nice suit, as opposed to Friday, when he was still in full Shield Mode. Viva la Having At Least a Week Notice!

Rollins sits down with Michael Cole, and after a vague "So what's the deal?" opening gambit by Cole, Rollins provides a lengthy monologue where he admits that this isn't something he's been planning for ages. At Payback, he and the Shield pitched a shutout against Evolution... and in the loss, Evolution provided an object lesson: they lost because they were yesterday's news.

They were stagnant, and the next night, a new evolution of Evolution started with Batista's departure... and then new blood in the form of Seth Rollins, who realized the Shield would never do any better than they did at Payback, and were doomed to stagnation, themselves. And hey, he was "The Architect." He brought the Shield together, and it was his call to tear them apart. So he decided to evolve on his own, to move on to the next chapter in his career.

So believe in that. Believe n Seth Rollins. The crowd serves up the lusty boos, probably still as much out of a kneejerk reaction, as in reaction to Rollins' retconned motivation. But cheap heat spends the same as the more expensive kind.

Rollins then turns the page, and responds to Ambrose: you said you were gonna wait to hear me lie through my teeth, and then kick my ass? Well, I'm done talking. Where are you?

Ambrose and Reigns come on down, but as soon as they get up on the apron, we get a Sheep Mask Freeze Frame, and the lights go out. When they come back on, Harper and Rowan are pummelling Ambrose and Reigns. The second the Shield appear to be gaining the upper hand, Bray Wyatt materializes out of nowhere, and the 3-on-2 brawl is on.

Nope. Wait. There's John Cena for the save. Honestly, who didn't see that coming the second HHH declared no one would team with the Shield? [If you just raised your hand, I hope you are either 7 years old, or have already scheduled a doctor's appointment to have yourself checked for severe brain trauma.]

The odds evened, the Wyatts powder out. And Seth Rollins is nowhere to be seen. The story here is John Cena teaming with the Shield because anvils.

[ads]

PAIGE vs. ALICIA FOX (w/ Aksana, Non-Title)

If you're wondering "Hey, haven't we seen this match a dozen times already? Why are se seeing it again?" I'm with you. But the difference here is Alicia has a friend with her, making her even more evil and diabolical.

Or something.

In this case, Aksana is Alicia's undoing, too. When Aksana tries to interfere, it backfires, and Paige takes advantage by locking in the Scorpion Crosslock.

Your Winner: Paige, via submission, in 3 minutes. This was followed by a tantrum from Alicia that, predictably, involved beating up Aksana and stealing concessions from ringside fans. Also, it lasted 4 minutes, which is not only ass-backwards given the length of the match, but generated a loud "BORING" chant. Apparently, the honeymoon is over for Crazy Alicia.

[ads]

SANTINO MARELLA vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/ Zeb Colter)

An old school inset-promo plays during Santino's entrance, and provides the context for this match. Santino caught wind of Zeb putting him on his "export" list, so now, Santino wants to "export" Zeb. Also: there is no Emma. Which is too bad. Emma makes me happy, and not just in my pants.

A few comedy spots for Santino, then a time compressed heel beatdown, then Santino fires up and takes out the Cobra, which Swagger blocks. Blue Thunder Powerbomb, and it's done.

Your Winner: Jack Swagger, via pinfall, in 3 minutes. Pretty much domination, and then a win with not-his-finisher. I guess we're taking Jack Swagger seriously, now? Well, for this week, anyway? Or until the next time Adam Rose happens?

[ads]

Backstage: Goldust is sulking when Cody comes storming in, all smiles. Cody announces that he's had a brainstorm, and he's got a partner for Goldust, and it's not just R-Truth or Sin Cara... it's somebody Goldust and the WWE Universe have never seen before. It's somebody who matches Goldust's star power, who shines brighter than all the stars in the sky, and who will magnify the magnificence of Goldust. He'll reveal the partner next Monday. Hokay; am I completely evil for kind of wanting to see "SilverDust" or "MoonShine" or some other ludicrously over-the-top gimmick in which Cody is dressed up as a sexually ambiguous nutbar, trying to outdo Dustin?

Elsewhere Backstage: HHH and Steph are hanging out in their office, where Steph rants about John Cena spoiling all their plans, only to have Hunter tell her to simmer down, because it's all under control, and the Shield will not exist after tonight.

Huh. So.... (1) Steph's outburst obviously means she's siccing Kane on Cena. And probably, both of them are now in the MitB Ladder Match, too. And (2) does HHH's comment mean Ambrose is turning heel? Or just a red herring?

Then, for no readily apparent reason, Vickie Guerrero appears with a bottle of champagne, wanting to celebrate the demises of former GM Brad Maddox and former champ Daniel Bryan. Then she sneezes, without covering up, and gets vaporized snot all over the Authority, so Steph slaps the champagne out of her hand and threatens her with firing.

Well, that was random and pointless. Unless we just really need to write "Triple H catches the flu" into storylines. In which case, it's just stupid.

[ads]

JOHN CENA/DEAN AMBROSE/ROMAN REIGNS vs. THE WYATT FAMILY

Once we get everyone to the ring, we get the big-ass staredown spot pioneered by the Shield and Wyatts back in February. Finally, the two teams are nose to nose, and all hell breaks loose. After a quick Pier Sixer, it comes down to Ambrose vs. Rowan in the ring, so the ref decides it's OK to officially start the match.

Ambrose/Reigns and Harper/Rowan cycle in and out a few times, while Cena and Bray are observers. Given that Cena was shaken up over the weekend, it's likely they'll keep him limited here.

After about 5 minutes where the main story was Ambrose and Reigns taking their frustrations out on Harper and Rowan, Bray finally does tag in, and things swing more in favor of the Wyatts. Ambrose is the one caught in the wrong part of town, as the Wyatts cut the ring in half an execute the frequent tags.

Harper is just beating the ever loving crap out of Ambrose to the point that Ambrose just rolls out of the ring. Harper celebrates with his drawl-y howl, and we celebrate by watching our final set of...

[ads]

Back, and Rowan's the one working over Ambrose. When Ambrose sneaks in a headbutt and a brief hope spot Bray calls for the tag to end that happy crappy. Instead, he almost immediately whiffs on a charge, and Ambrose has a split second of separation. Crowd is loud and rowdy at this point, but they don't get the hot tag. Bray snatches Ambrose back and hits a uranage.

Harper back in, and after more beatdown, he goes for a side slam, but Ambrose wraps around into a DDT. NOW we get the hot tag to Cena. Corresponding move to Rowan.

Cena is en feugo for a minute or so, until Bray's shennanigans snuff that out. Super time compressed mini-face-in-peril bit, with Harper doing most of the heavy lifting (including both the Torture Rack Neckbreaker and the Michinoku Driver). Bray chimed in with more the psychological tactics (ragdoll ballroom dance spot, and conducting the audience in a round of "He's Got the Whole World"). Said antics give Cena the opening to make the re-hot-tag to Reigns.

Harper comes in at the same time, but it breaks down quickly, with all six guys getting involved. Cena taks Rowan out with a high crossbody. Wyatt takes out Cena with Sister Abigail. Ambrose takes out Wyatt (and himself) with a Flying Goat.

It's back to Harper vs. Reigns, who do a bit of double-reversey, and Reigns ends up ducking the big ol' clothesline, and coming back at Harper with the Spear. Fin.

Your Winners: Reigns, Ambrose, and Cena, via pinfall, in 20 minutes. Really good, with the double-layer Face in Peril (really, Cena's was abbreviated-but-effective, while Ambrose's ate up the majority of the match) leading up to a finish where Reigns looked like a million bucks. As it should be. HHH's prophecy did not come to pass, but we do get a sneak peak of him and Rollins watching on a monitor and scheming while the Shield and Cena celebrate. On that note, we fade to black.

And so ends the show. And it's one that couldn't really be more different from last week's... whereas last week's was, by all appearances (and then confirmed to have been in reality), a last second freak-out bit of hotshotting, tonight was a show where things were pretty straight forward and predictable, as WWE made the safe play of leaning on John Cena, and the most notable aspect of the show was the fact that there were two really good in-ring matches.

I mean, it makes sense... if Vince is extra cranky and panicky, yeah, you try to stabalize things by going with Cena, instead of trying to make new guys (whether it's establishing Bryan as a true headliner, or the more recent move of elevating Rollins, or whatever). So I won't fight against it much. There are three spots left in the WWE Title MitB, and you gotta figure Steph's backstage bit foreshadows her siccing Kane on Cena, and both of them winding up in the title picture. Barring something really surprising with the 7th slot, you figure the only potential champs out of that group are Cena or Orton... which is horrifying given that we've only just gotten over the malaise of having those two dominate the title picture last fall (for their 17th, 18th, 19th, and 20th major PPV matches). But again: it makes sense as a short term plan.

Hopefully, the rumors are overstating the severity of Bryan's injury (that he might even need additional surgery, or may have to ponder early retirement, a la Edge), and we can rerail things... the original plan for the summer was to build to Bryan vs. Lesnar, and that would have ruled in so many ways. The important thing here is Bryan's health and safety, but selfishly, I want to go to there.

Outside of that, it's like I said: the headline story is the fact that we got two really really good wrestling matches tonight. Sheamus and Barrett beat the snot out of each other in a match the avoided all formula and ramped up to an outstanding finish. And the six man stuck tightly to formula, but was well executed and generated the desired response, leading up to Reigns looking strong.

Throw in the random-but-hilarious Taste of Sandow, a very effective Shield/3MB segment, and a complete Lack of Orton, and I guess I can look the other way on the flaccid squashes and other bits that made me lust for a time shift and the FF button. Well, maybe not ENTIRELY the other way. But at least 90 degrees off to the side, so I only caught the garbage in my peripheral vision.

I'll take all the parts, toss 'em in the Pyrolizer, and come up with a B-minus overall grade for tonight. Not honor roll material, but still nothing to sneeze at.

I'll see you again next Monday, kids. Till then, be well, and if you can, be generous to my brother's noble cause.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.