OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
You Think You Know Me? Guess Again.
(or, "MitB Gets a Last Second Facelift")
June 23, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

So I just upgraded my Device about a week and a half ago, and am now the proud owner of a Motorola Droid Maxx. It's a hell of a loaded Device, and definitely the best one that Verizon was willing to give me for free (actually, up until June 1, it was $200 even with the 2-year contract, so kudos to me on my timing).

How loaded? My issue with the WWE App's archaic, retarded HDMI permissions (where they black out the HDMI-out, instead of letting it be, like HBOGo and Netflix and every other service they are competing with) is over, without me buying any more hardware, because Miracast and my smart-TV. WHHEEEEEEEE!!!

But there's a problem: this latest generation of Devices has completely phased out the micro-SD card option, in order to force you to "the cloud."

Allow me to opine: fuck that. Fuck them for doing it, so that they can bilk you out of tons of data transfer fees (and even montly storage fees for significant amounts of space), when previously, I could have 64gb of MY data with ME at all times, for a one time fee of about $30 (or a couple of smaller fees, as I actually have a rotation of about 3 32gb SD cards, for video/movies on my tablet, but the one big 64gb one for my mobile music collection). Also: fuck the "market"/consumers for putting up with it and enabling them, even though "the cloud" is to their detriment if it's your only option (as an additional option, it can add flexibility, but as the only option, it's limiting).

But I digress. I had a reason for mentioning it, which is that I've had to rethink/restructure my library, to fit in the 50gb of Google Drive that Verizon "gave" me. Music-wise, this resulted in my stumbling across my massive WWE Music collection on my 3tb external hard drive, and trying to decide what to do with it.

Somehow, this resulted in me doing some research on the original "Wrestling Album" (circa, when I was in 3rd grade), as it wound up being the only record from that folder to make the cut.

Maybe this is common knowledge, I dunno... but until this weekend, I had no idea that two songs on that album were covers, and that a third one BECAME a cover for an actually famous pop artist:

(1) The Captain Lou song is an embellishment of an existing NRBQ song called "Captain Lou." I knew Albano had a relationship with that band, but I had no idea that they had a song about Lou that they turned into "Captain Lou's History of Music." You can look it up on youtube.

(2) Roddy Piper's song is a cover, too! Even as a cute little kiddie, I deduced that "For Everybody" was code for "Fuck Everybody." But it turns out, "Fuck Everybody" is an actual song by an Atlanta-based rock band that never sold a single record. They were "Mike Angelo and the Idols." You can also look that up on the youtubes (if you do, you'll probably get the version I did, and if so, you'll find out that very few knew this was a cover until August 1, 2011, so it really is a recent development!)... what's remarkable is that "For Everybody" is one of the songs that I desperately tried to get my various bands to cover, and if we had, it would have sounded a LOT closer to this than to Roddy's version. It's stripped down and no horns or anything, and given the instrument I mastered, I loves me the Lead Bass! I actually end up liking the wrestling album version better, but the original stands on its own merits.

(3) "Hulk Hogan's Theme" (the instrumental song that Hogan never used, because "Real American" was availabe once Barry WIndham left the company) was sold to Bonnie Tyler, of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" fame. In the early 90s, she turned it into a song called "Ravishing," with full lyrics and everything. Once again, i had NO clue. And again once again, you can youtube it, if you are curious.

Thus ends The Rick's Happyfunstorytime Hour (this week's episode: "How a Terrible Trend in Mobile Devices Taught Me a Shitton of New Things about The Wrestling Album"). Here's the RAW you came for:

ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER COLD OPEN

We cut straight to the inside of Not The Capitol Center in Washington, DC, where Stephanie McMahon is on her way to the ring, while Michael Cole hypes the two ladder matches coming up on Sunday and welcomes us to the 1100th episode of RAW.

When Stephanie gets to the ring, she immediately calls out Vickie Guerrero, who screwed up Steph's coffee order last week. Vickie comes out and tries to apologize, and says "I think I know what happened. Roman Reigns put something in your coffee."

Oh, for fuck's sake. You don't "think" he did it. YOU FUCKING SAW HIM DO IT, BECAUSE HE DID IT ON TV. That shouldn't even be on the table as a source of "drama." Then again, that didn't stop them from using it last week. If none of them can be bothered to know what happens on their TV as it happens, why should we assume that they'd bother to catch up, a week later?

Anyway, Steph decides the coffee doesn't even really matter. What matters is that Vickie let Roman Reigns into the Battle Royale last week, and now he's in the WWE Title ladder match. Which is exactly what they didn't want to happen.

Vickie tries to talk her way out of it, saying that sure, she messed up, but she always has the best intentions and wants to do what's best for business. Stephanie is having none of it, and says she can't abide incompetence, so Vickie, "You're f........."

Nonononono, please don't do that. Vickie says she'll do anything, but just not that. Steph says she wants Vickie to beg for her job. So Vickie gets on her knees and begs. Steph says that was terrible, but Vickie's "like a cockroach or a twinkie or something," and can't be destroyed. So she offers up a compromise....

Vickie can resign, or she can stay on as GM of SmackDown.... but only if Vickie wins her match tonight. Vickie spazzes out, on account of not being a wrestler. But it's also her only chance to keep her job, so she asks "Who's my opponent." And that's when Steph reveals that she'll be facing Vickie herself.

Suddenly, Vickie finds her confidence, because Steph's not exactly a wrestler, either. She's just a bully, and Vickie says that at the end of the day, she's still a Guerrero, and that's a name that commands just as much respect in this industry as "McMahon." Vickie decides she's got a match to prepare for, so she'll leave now, if you'll "EXCUUUUUUUSSSE MEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Crowd is actually chanting and cheering for Vickie as she departs. Meantime, Steph slowly breaks into a shit-eating grin, showing no signs of concern, despite Vickie's fire.

As we cut to adds, a quick graphic reveals that the just-added MitB Briefcase Match will feature SIX men (I thought the graphic last week indicated seven), which will be Seth Rollins and five dudes named by Triple H later tonight.

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JIMMY USO (w/ Jey) vs. LUKE HARPER (w/ Rowan)

Harper and Rowan have new entrance music of their own, which is creepy accordion music. Just a single instrument playing a simple melody over and over. The crowd even sees fit to sing along with it.

Match is a big fat nothing. About two minutes of back and forth, then Harper slaughters Jimmy with the Clothesline From Hell.

Your Winner: Luke Harper, via pinfall, in 2 minutes flat. Well, that was certainly more perfunctory than I'd have guessed. Then again, perhaps we're not ENTIRELY done here....

After the Match: as Harper and Rowan depart, Jey grabs a mic, and says "Hey, hey, Rowan, where you going? We ain't done gettin' Uso Crazy!" It sounds like a challenge, and Rowan's not backing down, he heads back to the ring, and Jey takes him out with a plancha. Cole seems to think we're about to have us an impromptu match, after these....

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JEY USO (w/ Jimmy) vs. ERICK ROWAN (w/ Harper)

We join the match already in progress. Specificallly, we join the mid-match heel beatdown in progress. That continues for about 2 minutes, and then Jey dodges a charge, and Rowan eats the ring post.

Harper tries to lend a hand, but gets taken out by Jimmy. Jey follows up with a Superfly Splash, and that's that.

Your Winner: Jey Uso, via pinfall, in 2 minutes. So, ummmm, that was the exact mirror image of the first match. Neither was really any good, but hey, at least you got TWICE AS MUCH. It's usually the case that twice nothing is still nothing, but here, I guess it serves it purpose as basic maintenance of a storyline that's already taken care of the heavy lifting. We already want to see this tag title match, and this little tit-for-tat did nothing to undo that.

After the Match: Harper didn't care for being dissed, so he attacks Jey. Jimmy tries to make the save again, but Rowan has recovered enough to rejoin the fight. Harper and Rowan get the better of it, and actually grab the title belts and start gazing at them, longingly. Lustfully, even.

Sheep Mask Freeze Frame hits, and Bray Wyatt appears on the Tron. He says he's oh so proud of his brothers, and he sees what just happened as a harbinger of their victory on Sunday. Then, after that, he, himself, will scale a ladder and acquire his own gold. And together, they will have all the power. Together, they will proclaim their message: Follow. The buzzards.

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Earlier Today: Alexander Rusev and Lana took a tour of Washington, DC. Standing in front of the Capitol Building, Lana mocks America's pathetic landmarks and even more pathetic elected officials. Then she praises the Kremlin and Putin (as WWE helps out by adding pictures of both in post-production). Rusev tags it with "Rusev [something in Russian]. Rusev [something in Russian]. America: Rusev Crush," in the exact same cadence used for 'Russia, number one. Iran, number one. USA, [hock-ptooey]." Intentional? I dunno...

NAOMI (w/ Cameron) vs. ALICIA FOX

Paige is sitting in on commentary, and after Ass Voltron, Cameron joins her. It starts out as Naomi vs. Alicia as sort of a defacto #1 contender deal... but Cameron immediately goes all uber-bitch, bad-mouthing Paige, and also saying that she's the best out of all four of the women in play. That doesn't bode well for the Funkadactyls.

Paige tries to fire back, saying that she's lost to both Alica and Naomi, and she views them both as threats to her title. But Paige has beaten Cameron twice, and doesn't really see what she brings to the table.

Meantime, Alicia and Naomi are trying to have a match, even if no one watching on TV is able to follow along, due to the bludgeoning distraction on guest commentary. Honestly, Cameron is terrible. In the ring, it's basic stuff, with Alicia settling in for a lengthy beatdown, then a rally by Naomi, capped off by whatever-they-call-her-finisher.

Your Winner: Naomi, via pinfall, in 5 minutes. After the match, Paige gets up and has a Moment with Naomi. A mini staredown that has more of a Mutual Respect vibe than a hostile one. Meantime, Cameron is NOT at all impressed with her partner's win.

Backstage: Sheamus and Roman Reigns are taping up for a match later tonight. Apparently, it'll be a rematch of last Friday's outstanding 7-man tag. Sheamus is trying to be all friendly and pep-talky and excitable, but Reigns is exuding the quiet confidence, and seems a bit annoyed at Sheamus. Sheamus: "Fella! It's 4-on-3, we need to be on top of our game!" Reigns: "4-on-3? Sounds like they need more guys." Sheamus: "FELLA! You remember when you and your lads used to punk me out? We gotta be on the same page! FELLA!" Reigns: "Dude, if I had a problem with you, you'd be unconscious already." Sheamus decides he LOVES the attitude. FELLA~! Reigns just rolls his eyes, shakes his head, and goes back to taping up.

Made me smile, but I guess your mileage could vary.

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TITUS O'NEIL vs. "THE INSPIRATIONAL" BO DALLAS

Bo's pre-match Bo-mo provides the subtext for this match. Bo references Titus' antics last Friday, when he lost to Adam Rose, got back up, dusted himself off, and then lost to Adam Rose again. That's the kind of positive thinking Bo loves. He implores Titus to keep it up tonight, and to BO-lieve.

Titus knows him backhanded zingers when he hears them, and he is not amused. He gets off to a fast start, but when he whiffs on a clothesline or something, Bo uses that opening to immediately hit the Bo-Dog.

Your Winner: Bo Dallas, via pinfall, in 90 seconds. Between the pre-match spiel and another similar one, post-match, Bo talked longer than he wrestled tonight.

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HMMMMMM, SOMEBODY'S MISSING....

Triple H is here, and hopefully, he'll have an acceptable line-up for the Briefcase Match... over on the OO Forums, I did the RAW Preview, and advocated for: Rollins (already in), Ambrose (because he hates Rollins), RVD (duh), Kane (it's always a good idea to have a big man to use as a prop in these matches), Kofi (for stunt/high spot purposes), and Damien Sandow (because he won last year, and I like him, so screw you).

Before getting to business, HHH laments that Washington is full of horribly incompetent politicians with approval ratings at record lows, and somehow HE's the bad guy. And why? He just wants to do what's best for business, and to that end, he's giving the Universe a second ladder match on Sunday.

So here we go, HHH's list of entrants:

(1) Former IC Champ and human highlight reel, Kofi Kingston.
(2) Former MitB Winner and sucessful cash-inner, Jack Swagger.
(3) Same goes for Dolph Ziggler.
(4) And also for Rob Van Dam.
(5) And the current IC Champ, Wade Barrett.

But HHH hopes we're not expecting any of those guys to win. Because the man who will climb the ladder and claim the briefcase is none other than Seth Rollins. And here he is, in the flesh, babay...

Rollins saunters out to the ring while a video package of his recent highlights plays. It's heavy on him beating down Dean Ambrose... which only serves to make Ambrose conspicuous by his absence from the Briefcase Match. Hmmmm. Maybe it WILL be a 7-man match, afterall?

Rollins gets to the ring, and is greeted by "You Sold Out" chants. Rollins is all "C'mon, you're not over that? It was three weeks ago. I'm over it." Rollins repeats his assertion from two weeks ago that he made the Shield, so it was within his rights to destroy it. So he did. It had served its purpose. It had taken Rollins as far as it was going to. But now, the sky's the limit, and his path to the WWE Title is cleared, starting with Sunday, and becoming Mr. Money in the Bank.

Rob Van Dam's music hits, and he comes out to remind us that he's got quite the track record, and maybe we should be taking him more seriously. Rollins: "I take you serious. Granted, not as seriously as I would if this was 2005, but still." ZING~!

RVD shrugs that one off, and says he'll win his second MitB on Sunday, but in the interim, he'd love to take HHH's hand-picked golden boy down a peg. So how about it?

Rollins is more than happy to accept to HHH calls for a ref, and we're off...

ROB VAN DAM vs. SETH ROLLINS

Fast start by Van Dam, match spills outside, apron moonsault. Rollins is down, Van Dam is pointing-to-self, so after all of 30 seconds, we break for....

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Back, and Rollins has taken over. Lawler makes an odd comment, saying that tonight's performance makes it seem like RVD's living in the past. "Like it's 2008." That would be a reference to TNA RVD, and would be quite the sneaky rip, if that's actually what he meant.

The pretty kinetic beatdown finally slows down, and Rollins decides to work the Ortonlock, which is increasingly the only hold used to set up babyface fire-ups. Which is exactly what RVD does by fighting to his feet, hitting the step-through front kick and rattling off a sequence of moves, leading up to Rolling Thunder.

But when he goes for the Five Star, Rollins short circuits it by knocking RVD off the ropes. RVD counters back with a cool slingshot DDT that I don't remember seeing him use recently. Then he tries for the Five Star again, and Rollins gets out of the way.

RVD eats canvas, and Rollins scoops him up for the Turnbuckle Bomb, and hits the curb stomp. He's about to score the pinfall, but....

AMBROSE ALERT~! Dean Ambrose runs in from out of the crowd and attacks. Rollins is able to weather the first storm, and scurry away. Ambrose seems like he's gonna let things be, but then hops up on the barricade, jumps to the commentary table, and runs across it to hit Rollins with a clothesline, and keep peppering him with lefts and rights until officials break it up.

Your Winner: Seth Rollins, via disqualification, in 8 minutes. Nothing special, as about half the match took place during an ad break. But it built up to a decent (if brief) End Game, and the crowd went berzerk for Ambrose.

After the Match: Ambrose grabbed a mic and said, "Uh, so let's just go ahead and put me in that ladder match, OK? Because if you don't, I'm still showing up in Boston on Sunday, and I'm still gonna bash Seth Rollins face in, and I'm still gonna grab that briefcase. So just make it official. Otherwise, I'm still showing up and screwing up your damn pay-per-view." Nice. That's certainly a novel approach, and coming from Ambrose, pretty in-character and convincing, too.

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Backstage: HHH and Rollins are having a heated discussion. HHH doesn't want to give in to Ambrose. No negotiating with terrorists, or whatever. But Rollins disagrees. He wants Ambrose where he can see him. Where he can CONTROL him, just like he did for two years in the Shield. He wants Ambrose in the ladder match, not swooping in the last second. HHH finally relents, saying he sees Rollins' point and furthermore, has faith that Rollins will have his way with Ambrose.

So there you have it: 7-man Ladder Match, afterall! They decided to fold Barrett vs. Ziggler into the match (instead of doing a standalone IC Title Match, which I thought seemed like a noble goal), so I missed on two guys in my preview... but otherwise, I'm gonna go ahead and pat myself on the back.

Some Bad News For Ya: Wade Barrett comes on out, presumably to wrestle, but for starters, he'll settle for getting some cheap heat by promising victory in Sunday's Briefcase Match. You know, VICTORY, something that is unfamiliar to Washington fans, what with their racist and constantly-losing football team.

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DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. WADE BARRETT (IC Title Match)

So, on Friday, Ziggler beat Barrett in a non-title match. As alluded to above, I figured that meant a title match at the PPV, but they went a different direction, and put both guys in the ladder match. So, we get the title match tonight!

A winner is us!

Full boxing-style intros, and then it's go time. A little back and forth to start, with Wade playing the power brawler and Dolph playing flashy speed guy. For the opening 4-5 minutes, neither guy sustains much of an advantage.

This builds up to a Winds of Change by Barrett, seemingly ushering in the heel beatdown. But instead, Dolph escapes a Wastelands, and hits a flash Zig Zag... but he's had the starch taken out of him and can't make the cover. Barrett is able to roll outside, while Ziggler's slowly recovering. In other words, a perfect spot for...

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Back, and in a huge deviation from formula, Ziggler is in control. In fact, he's in the middle of his 10 Elbow Drops. He finishes those, and is about to follow up when Wade lowbridges him, and Ziggler tumbles out of the ring. Barrett immediately hits the Bang Bang Elbow from the apron, and takes over for our heel beatdown.

Simple, but impactful brawly offense for a minute or three. But then Wade decides to go up top. Bzzzt. That's Dolph's thing, and Ziggler actually springs to his feet and does his run-up-the-rpes Facebuster. Convincing two count.

And this is End Game. They start trading bigger moves for more near falls. After Ziggler kicks out of Wastelands, the crowd fires up a "THIS is AWEsome" chant. Then Wade kicks out of the Fameasser, and they go even more ape-poopy.

Awesome triple reversey spot saw Zig Zag turn into Winds of Change turn into a crucifix by Ziggler for another super-compelling two. Then, Ziggler squared things up and charged for a Stinger Splash.... but Wade came out of the corner and picked Dolph out of mid-air with a Bullhammer. Ouch. And awesome.

Your Winner, and STILL IC Champion: Wade Barrett, via pinfall, in 12 minutes. Right there on the cusp of youtube-worthiness... a bit abbreviated to be epic, but pretty much ever second of those 12 minutes was packed with gOOdness. I likey.

Backstage: Renee Young catches up to Vickie Guerrero for an interview. Vickie says she knows she's never been hugely popular around here, but she loves her job and is going to give her all to keep it. Then, for no readily apparent reason, Randy Orton shows up and basically says he can't wait for Vickie to lose. I'm trying to decide if that was a dick move, or just pointlessly random...

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VICKIE GUERRERO vs. STEPHANIE MCMAHON (Not-a-Wrestling-Match Match)

Vickie comes out to Eddie's music (actually, the Los Guerreros remix, so it's pluralized to "WE lie, we cheat, we steal," which is fitting), leading to fond reminiscing by both Lawler and JBL.

Then Steph comes out, and she's still wearing the same dress as before. Not dressed to wrestle. Steph declares that this isn't gonna be a standard wrestling match. She directs us to Stage Left, where there's a kiddie pool filled with Mystery Brown Stuff.

Steph says she doesn't know what that is, but it stinks. And their match has no rules, and only ends when one of them is tossed into the pool. With that in mind, Steph calls for back-up.

Alicia Fox, Layla, and Rosa Mendes come out and surround Vickie. They eventually back her up to the pool, where Vickie makes one last stand, and throws all three off, Hulk-style. Rosa is closest to the pool, and gets shoved in. Then Alicia and Layla attack, in dumb ninja fashion, allowing Vickie to side step and toss them in, too.

But Vickie gets a little carried away in celebrating her moral victory, and forgot about the literal victory. She started "YES'ing" and Steph snuck up from behind and shoved her into the pool.

Your Winner: Stephanie McMahon, via whatever you call that, in who gives a shit? I can state, with authority, that this was a thing that happened.

After the Match: it was Steph's turn to get carried away, by singing the "Na na na na" song, and doing it so very very badly that I'm not sure who should be more embarassed right now. In so doing, she sashays her cute little ass way too close to the pool, and notices her istake way too late: Vickie begins stalking, and Steph starts begging off.

No dice. With the crowd encouraging her with "YES" chants, Vickie chucks Steph into the Pool of Gunk, and then leaves with her chin held high, to Eddie's music. More than likely, that's th tag on Vickie's career as an on-screen character, as she told WWE over WrestleMania weekend that she wanted to go back to school and prepare for a life after wrestling once WWE decided they could spare her. That time has apparently come.

After Vickie departs, Steph does some broad physical comedy, repeatedly falling down in the pool and taking a couple ref down with her. I'm sure, somehow, this was meant to deflect accusations that WWE treated Vickie poorly as a constant victim of Vince's shitty sense of humor. If they do the same to Steph, then there was nothing wrong with doing it to Vickie. Or something like that.

Myself, I'm equally unamused no matter who's the target of this brand of Vince-flavored nonsense. This just isn't really funny. I mean, yes, there's a certain warm fuzzy feeling with Vickie getting to go out as a "winner" (and to Eddie's music), but that still doesn't excuse the fact that there are basically a billion other ways to have done it that would have been more satisfying and less stupid.

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Backstage: Byron Saxton is standing by to interview Goldust (who, in a nice touch of reciprocity, has stolen a bit of Cody's old look by wearing a new hoodie thingie)... but he makes the mistake of refering to Goldust's tag partner as "Cody." Cody, who's that?

Suddenly, th lights go out, and Stardust appears, singing "When You Wish Upon a Star" and sprinkling glitter. Then just as soon as he materializes, he disappears. Goldust claps, giddily, and just couldn't be happier. "Now, *I*'m the normal one." Heh. But normal's relative, since he tags it with a good ol' snort-chomp, freaking out Saxton.

KOFI KINGSTON vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/ Zeb Colter)

As good as this could be, tonight's just not their night.

Brief back-and-forthy, a couple flashy highspots for Kofi, then Swagger snatches Kofi out of mid-air, locks in the Patrio Act, and that's that.

Your Winner: Jack Swagger, via submission, in under 3 minutes. Well, the message is loud and clear: Kofi's in MitB to hit insane stunt spots, not to win. I guess I can live with that.

Backstage: Renee Young is set to interview Alberto del Rio, who eventually gets to the point that he's the Only One in Sunday's match to have previously won a MitB Match and successfully cashed it in.

Enter Paul Heyman with Cesaro, who heard someone say "one." as in "The One Who Put the One in Twentyone-and-One." He continues on for a bit, until Alberto cuts him off by asking, "Do you ever let him talk for himself, or is he just your puppet?"

Heyman just turns his back and says "Go get 'im, champ." So Cesaro declares, "I'd love to talk to you, del Rio. But I only speak 5 languages, and none of them are Loser." ZING~!

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BIG E vs. ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Yep, Damien Sandow as Honest Abe. Certainly a good use of that beard. His prematch spiel is interrupted, mid-address, by Big E's music.

Sandow endeavors to wrestle in top hat and tails. It does not end well.

Your WInner: Big E, via pinfall, in four score and seven seconds flat. Poor Sandow.

After the Match: Big E gets on the mic, and says we all saw what Rusev and Lana did earlier. And he's not gonna stand for it. Adopting a zealous precher voice, E says this is the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave and...

Lana interrupts, and says a few words, drawing Big E's attention to the stage. Which is when Rusev strikes from the blindside. Rusev successfully crushes, ending with a Camel Clutch. Looks like you can add that to the PPV...

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Speaking of Adding to the PPV: Daniel Bryan will appear on the MitB Preshow to update us on his status.

Backstage: Renee Young has John Cena for an interview. By which I mean, Renee holds the mic, and Cena does a monologue. It's a shouty interview for the kiddies about how he'll win on Sunday because Boston Green Monster Green Is The Color Of Money Boston.

JOHN CENA/SHEAMUS/ROMAN REIGNS vs. BRAY WYATT/CESARO/RANDY ORTON/ALBERTO DEL RIO (w/ Paul Heyman)

By the time we get all the ring entrances done,, it's 10:48pm (eastern), so we may not be looking at another 20 minute classic, like the 7-man tag was back on Friday.

In fact, WWE takes another chunk o' time out of that. Before the bell even rings,Cole shoots it to...

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Back, and they waited for us. How sweet. So the bell rings at 10:51pm (eastern). They cycle through a few tags on both sides after Cena starts against Orton.

Correction: the heels cycle through tags, but Cena and Sheamus just go back and forth, as Reigns remains on the apron (presumably to save his entrance pop for a hot tag). Finally, Cena ends up in the wrong part of town and becomes a Face In Peril.

Wyatt is the one delivering the ass-kicking at the 5 minute mark, when we apparently need to watch some more...

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Back, and at 11:00pm (eastern), del Rio's got Cena in the obligatory OrtonLock. But, but, but.... but Randall's RIGHT THERE ! How disrespectful~!

Cena powers out of that, but del Rio's able to get a tag to Cesaro, who prevents a tag. He teeases a Swing, but instead taunts the crowd by doing a Boston Crab, instead. BOO~!

So Cena powers out of THAT, instead, and makes the hot tag, as expected, to Roman Reigns. He goes to town on the bad guys, and his rally lasts a good 90 seconds or so. He's prepping for a Superman punch on Orton, but del Rio's the legal man, and strikes from behind. Just like that, Reigns is trapped in the wrong corner, and the heels resume frequent tags.

Two minutes of that, then Reigns gets separation from Bray Wyatt with a flash Superman Punch. Tag to Sheamus. Corresponding move to Cesaro. Sheamus en feugo, but it quickly breaks down in Chinatown. Pier Seven brawl results in finishers all around, until it's back down to Sheamus and Cesaro. Brogue Kicks happen, FELLA~!

Your Winners: Sheamus, Reigns, and Cena, via pinfall, in 15 minutes. So Reigns scored the fall on Friday, and Sheamus tonight. There can be only one outcome: Cena wins Sunday because otherwise he wouldn't let those other guys scoopy his heat!!! [/cynicalinternetwanker] Match was a notch or three below Friday's. Still good, but not -- you know? -- BOSS.

After the Match: Sheamus begins celebrating, and Cena and Reigns are trying to drag themsevles to their feet to join him... but they shouldn't bother, because THROUGH HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE, IT'S KANE.

Correction: the DEMON Kane~!

Kane promptly destroys anybody who comes at him, and even those who merely glance at him the wrong way (except for Randy Orton, who scurries away). With the ring cleared, Kane blows the corners, and the announcers wonder -- in a panicked and shouty fashion -- what the hell Kane is doing here.

Correction: the DEMON Kane~!

As if on cue, Triple H shows up on the stage to clear that up. You see, we've just been introduced to the 8th participant in Sunday's WWE Title Ladder Match. By now, Orton has joined HHH up there, and the two chum up, implying that Kane's inclusion is insurance for Orton's title win.

If so, it's shitty insurance. Because Roman Reigns appears out of nowhere and cuts Kane in half with a spear. Suddenly, HHH and Orton look a lot less confident, and RAW fades to black on Reigns celebrating while his music plays.

And so ends the show. I think there's something to be said for a show accomplishing so much just six days before a PPV (basically creating a whole new match out of nothing, then adding a new guy to that match after its set, and adding a guy to ANOTHER match), and doing it without it seeming slad-dash or forced.

THen again, as a guy who was stumping hard for the second MitB Match (for the briefcase), maybe I'm predisposed to appreciating what WWE accomplished tonight.

Still, I think the PPV is even more compelling now than it was last week, and on top of that, they delivered some pretty solid in-ring action. Barrett/Ziggler was the best of the bunch, and probably even worth a look on the youtubes, with the 7-man being nothing to sneeze at. Rollins/RVD even got me where I wanted to go, although my destination was probably set a bit more conservatively given RVD's lack of performance in his current comeback.

At the end of the day, I'll try to focus on the positives when it comes to Vickie getting a send-off that saw her get the better of Steph, too. Stupid? Yes. Reeking of Vince? Yes. Nice to see that satisfied smile on Vickie's face? You damned betcha.

And hey, at every turn they went out of their way to ignore/brush-aside the ass-hatted "Roofie Reigns" gimmick from last week. I normally don't give credit for closing the barn door after however that cliche goes, but it beats the shit out of doubling down on that hot garbage. I'M DECLARING VICTORY FOR OO AND OOUR ADVANCED TASTES~!

Maybe I'm being generous (or maybe I'm just in a really really good mood because as I sat down to type this up, the Reds just blew a tie game wide open by putting a 9th-inning 5-spot on the board, against the hapless Cubbies), but I think we might even go ahead and look at the show as a whole, and rate it the ol' Daniel Bryan Special: a strong B-plus.

See you all again on Sunday night, when I'll have the Money in the Bank PPV recap posted somewhere around 11:30pm (eastern). We'll also have registration open for the OO Forums, and that's where you can get full previews and real-time discussion/results starting sometime on Saturday.

Later on, kids....

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.