OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
With God as My Witness, He's Broken in Half!!!
August 18, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

So we all saw and were in awe of Brock Lesnar's kick-ass performance at SummerSlam. But I figure I'd pass along mention that his better half has a recent "must-see" performance of his own out there.

Paul Heyman's new DVD "Ladies and Gentlemen, My Name is Paul Heyman" came out a few weeks back, and I just got around to seeing it over the weekend...

Even if you're not quite as big a fan of Heyman as I am, I think it's still something well worth watching for sheer historical/informational value. I mean, I consider myself pretty much the greatest Wrestling Scholar of my generation, and I was shocked by how much new stuff I learned.

Heyman's early days as a teenager talking his way into WWE lockerrooms was something I was vaguely aware of, but never heard such in-depth, specific tales as the ones spun by the man himself. And it seems that there's no end to the new little tidbits (some trivial, some more significant) that keep leaking out about exactly how ECW ended, and how the abortion that was the new ECW came to be.

Definitely worth a buy, if you like being smarter than the average bear. Or, if you're too cheap for that, at least promise me you'll make a note to watch it when it pops up on the WWE Network next year, at the low low price of nine ninety-nine.

With that endorsement out of the way, let's get down to business. Here's what happened tonight on RAW:

Opening Video Package for the Benefit of Those Too Cheap to Shell Out Nine Ninety-Nine: OO does not recap recaps.

FEEL THE DRAMA. OR DON'T. EITHER WAY, IT'S FINE WITH ME.

We're live in Las Vegas, and the first thing we hear if "Ride of the Valkyries." But the first person we see is Stephanie McMahon, wearing a parody Daniel Bryan t-shirt that reads "Steph! Steph! Steph!" More importantly, she's deadset on completely mimicking Bryan's ring entrance, which included a hypnotizingly bouncy effect during her YES! Fingers.

Once she gets to the ring, Stephanie declares that SummerSlam was even bigger and better than WrestleMania, because it didn't end with a B-plus player holding the prestigious WWE Title. It ended with a REAL champion and franchise player demolishing John Cena. In addition to putting over Brock Lesnar, she also name drops Seth Rollins and Bray Wyatt, the other victorious heels.

Oh, and she won, too. You can relive Steph's glorious victory on the WWE Network, for the low low price of... well, you know how that goes.

But Steph didn't do it alone. She got a little help Nikki Bella, who finally stood up to her "selfish" sister. Steph brings Nikki down to the ring, and basically spins her tale of how terrible a sister Brie is, and invites Nikki to agree. So she does. The main gist of her spiel is that Brie has been terrible ever since they were kids, and so she doesn't look at it as losing a sister, because in reality, she never had one.

Ooooooohhhhh, burn. Then there's some utter horseshit about how Brie always taunts Nikki about how she'll never find a man to marry, and she'll be single forever, and the only reason she married a scraggly goat-faced troll was because she wanted to beat Nikki to the altar. In other words, a very special sneak preview of the hot garbage you'll be treated to you if your standards are non-existent and you actually tune in for Season 3 of That Which OO Does Not Acknowledge As Valid Entertainment. Whee.

Finally, Brie comes out to say she doesn't believe it. Nikki's just been blinded by Stephanie, but deep down, she knows the truth, and she forgives Nikki and she still loves her, no matter what happens and how long it takes for her to come to her senses. So Nikki slaps Brie and basically informs her not to hold her breath.

Brie just walks away, holding her jaw and sobbing, while Stephanie and Nikki stand smugly in the ring, and share a touching embrace. Hmmm... now that Ass Voltron is no more, I guess we can call that Silicone Voltron. Is that A Thing?

Anyway, words do not exist to describe how much I do not care about any of this. An issue not worth giving a shit about + Not-very-good-acting = A Slap in the Face to Each and Every Viewer Who Heard How Awesome SummerSlam Was and Tuned in to See the Follow-up.

Seriously, I bet this might have been the biggest initial viewing audience RAW's had since the night after WrestleMania, and they kicked off the show with an invitation to flip away.

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BIG SHOW & MARK HENRY vs. LUKE HARPER & ERICK ROWAN

During ring entrances, we are informed that -- for the second night in a row -- the German Announce Team is here at ringside. Their table survived SummerSlam, but will it survive tonight? STAY TUNED~! Seriously, stay tuned, it's a more compelling issue than Bella Drama, at least...

Pretty much one-sided for the opening couple minutes, with Big Show easily taking care of Harper. Harper gets one or two elbow strikes, backing Big Show in to the enemy corner, but Show immediately fights out, knocking Rowan off the apron, and then just manfully tossing Harper out of the ring.

Bad guys down, Show standing tall, so we break for...

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Back, and it's like we never left, as Big Show is leaning over the top rope, trying to "palm" Harper back into the ring. But Harper fights back, and clotheslines Show's neck across the top rope. From there, we get a tag to Rowan, and the Wyatts begin the tandem heel beatdown.

It's mostly punchy-kicky, in deference to Show's size, but Harper and Rowan are big enough that the striking offense is more than believable. When Harper starts working a side headlock, Show is able to hit a back suplex to create separation. The crowd warms up as they sense the hot tag, but Rowan manages to tag in and cut Show off before he can make it to his corner.

Crowd's still buzzing when Rowan just up and body slams Big Show. Impressive. Rowan is so embiggened by this feat of strength that he tries to do it a second time. Bzzt. Show elbows out of it, and makes the tag to Mark Henry.

Henry goes to town on Rowan, and actually sets up for the World's Strongest Slam. But Harper comes in and boots Rowan in the back, causing him to fall on top of Henry for a two count. Show has gotten his wits back about him, and decides to counteract Harper's interference. WMD to Harper. WMD to Rowan. WSS to Rowan. And just like that, it's over.

Your Winners: Big Show and Mark Henry, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Nothing really fancy here, but plenty of slobberknockery. And definitely an effective way to establish Show and Henry as an instantly credible threat in the tag division.

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Backstage: Dolph Ziggler is hanging out with Ric Flair when Miz walks in. It seems as though Miz has decided to demand his contractually mandated IC Title Rematch TONIGHT. He invites Dolph to think of it as a "sequel" where the hero regains what is rightfully his. Furthermore, he's confident that the IC Title will wind up back with "The A-Lister."

Dolph retorts, "You're not an A-Lister, Miz. You're just an A-hole." To which Flair piles on with "WHOOOOOOOO! WOO WOO WOO WHOOOOOOOOOOO!" Which was bizarrely awesome in your old school crazy-Flair-elbow-dropping-his-own-suit-jacket kind of way.

Miz registers a moment of indignation, and then storms out.

Elsewhere Backstage: Renee Young is standing by to interview Seth Rollins. Long story short, Rollins gloats about how he went into Dean Ambrose's choice of a match, and he still won. And then, all of a sudden, he gets doused with a bucket of ice water. We pan back, and we see it's Ambrose, who deadpans, "What? It's for charity," before chucking the bucket at Seth's face and then tackling him to the ground. Fricking hilarious. Who knew you could play an AMBROSE ALERT~! for laughs?

Ambrose rains down blows until officials swarm and pull him off.

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Backstage: a moist Seth Rollins comes barging into Triple H's office, saying that's he's had just about enough of Dean Ambrose, and we have to get rid of him, we have to finish him, he's never gonna stop, so what are we gonna do about it?

HHH says that we're gonna take care of it tonight. He's booking a Rollins/Ambrose rematch. And to make sure that Ambrose isn't a martyr, HHH is letting the fans pick the stipulation for the match. When Rollins destroys Ambrose once and for all, the fans won't be able to blame Rollins or the Authority, because the blood will be on THEIR hands.

PAIGE vs. NATALYA (Non-Title)

Nattie's sporting new ring gear. Biker shorts, instead of full trunks. I certainly approve. Paige prefaces the match by swearing she totally still respects AJ, and loves her, and she dedicates tonight's performance to "my little AJ." Awww.

Then Paige controls the opening moments of the match, and decides to replay last night's vague PG-rated lesbian overtones by slowly mounting Nattie in a suggestive fashion.

At that moment, AJ's music hits, and she skips on down to the ring. Paige is distracted, and Nattie hits the schoolgirl roll-up for the flash pin.

Your Winner: Natalya, via pinfall, in about 90 seconds. Hey now, WWE, was that so hard? You need to start handing out non-title wins to one of the divas, you don't hand them out to a woman who's only qualified to be a "reality" TV "star." You hand them out to someone who's actually good at the job of pro wrestler. Which Nattie is.

After the Match: AJ gets a mic, and basically recuts Paige's promo. "I totally respect you, Paige. I love you. And I dedicate my LIFE to you." Then AJ wants to shake Paige's hand, but Paige suspects AJ's not being entirely sincere (because it's not like SHE's being sincere, and crazy always recognizes crazy), so Paige bolts out of the ring before AJ can attack. Nice.

Your Choices: for the Ambrose/Rollins match, the three options are (A) No Holds Barred, (B) Falls Count Anywhere, or (C) No Disqualification. In other words, they're all basically the same match, but I suspect the subconscious urge will be to vote FCA because of how much outside-the-ring brawling those two have done (including last night's awesome match where Lumberjacks actually had to go into the crowd to retrieve Ambrose and Rollins).

That said, this really takes the teeth out of HHH's threat about the "blood being on OUR hands" after the match, since there's really no significant difference among the three stips. Sure the night still might end with Ambrose laid out, but after these choices, I can't see feeling even remotely guilty, no matter which of the three win, unless there's some VERY specific finish that only works for that stip in the works.

From Hunter's promo, I assumed the choices would include him dangling on obvious bit of catnip for the fans, and it would have some obvious method by which Ambrose might be demolished (but which he'd eventually overcome, because that is the Ambrose Way). But none of that here... it pretty much doesn't matter which of the three we pick, which absolves us of all culpability, too. That part kinda stinks; I like layers and amibguous morality, but neither are in play here.

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NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT PISS OFF BROCK LESNAR

Triple H and Stephanie (who has changed out of her t-shirt and tight jeans into a little black dress) hit the ring, and there's a little table set up, which is clearly holding the new WWE Title belt under a red blankie.

HHH makes a big, fat hairy deal out of how this is a watershed moment, because there's a new Symbol of Excellence and yadda yadda yadda. They unveil the belt, and it's exactly the same as the old one. Except with the new non-scratch WWE logo made out of diamonds. Honestly, if nobody mentioned it and Lesnar just started wearing it, you wouldn't even have noticed the difference.

But on the upside, this now officially merges the two titles into one, for all eternity, with "resplitting" them being off the table.

HHH then introduces us to the very deserving and dominant force who will hold the new Symbol of Excellence: Brock Lesnar. Lesnar, with Paul Heyman comes out and poses with the belt, receiving about a 65/35 split of cheers/boos. There's even a "THANK YOU, LEZ NAR" chant.

Hunter and Steph depart, and Heyman grabs a mic while Lesnar takes a seat on the little table. "My Name is Paul Heyman," and so forth... and it ramps up to an intense re-introduction of Reigning Undisputed Defending World Heavyweight Champion BAARRRRRRRRRRROOOOCCCCKKKKK LESNAR.

Then, he's got a little secret: John Cena isn't here tonight, and it's all because of the beating delivered by his client BAARRRRRRRRRROOOOOCCCCCKKKK LESNAR. Lesnar chuckles, and says, "Say that again. I like that, say it again."

So Heyman does.

But then it's back to business. He points out that he's been a part of this business since he was 14, and that helps him understand what a truly impressive performance we sa last night. He puts it into perspective by name dropping The Rock and Steve Austin. The Rock's run on top was, what?, three years. Austin's was, maybe, four, four-and-a-half.

But John Cena's been a constant in the WWE Title picture and WrestleMania main events for 10 whole years. Cena actually believes everything he says, and he's been backing it up since 2004. Hell, Heyman's own kids idolize John Cena; it makes Heyman sick, but it just goes to show Cena's enduring legend.

If somebody had written the history of WWE 24 hours ago, John Cena would have been the central figure, and rightfully so. But not anymore. Brock Lesnar rewrote history last night, and he did it in dominant fashion.

And the same beating awaits anyone who dares to challenge The Beast. Heyman says Lesnar's title defenses aren't just gonna be "must see," they will be "can't miss." Then he sums up last night's match for "those of you who are too cheap, too blind, or too ignorant" to have tuned in on the WWE Network.

"Eat. Sleep. Suplex. Repeat. Suplex. Repeat. Suplex. Repeat." And so on, until he'd said "suplex" 16 times, which is apparently how many Brock hit on Cena. OO had the count at 15, but OO also didn't bother to go back and recheck.

And finally, "Eat. Sleep. Conquer. Repeat. Eat. Sleep. Suplex. Repeat. Eat. Sleep. F-5. Repeat. Eat. Sleep. VICTIMIZE. Repeat. Eat. Sleep. Conquer..... John Cena." On that note, Lesnar and Heyman leave the ring to significantly more boos than they started with, which again speaks to Heyman's masterful virtuoso mic work.

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DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. MIZ (IC Title Match)

With the title on the line, they get the full boxing-style intros, always a nice touch. Also, the IC Title got the same exact make-over as the World Title (new logo, but otherwise identical), and you didn't see anyone making a big deal out of it..

Old school style "feeling out" to start. Side headlocks, arm wringers, and the like. When it ramps up to running the ropes, Ziggler attempted a leapfrog, but came down funny, and sold a left knee injury. Miz immediately pounced with a low dropkick to the knee, and started working it. After he wrapped Dolph's leg around the ring post a few times, Ziggler was writhing in pain, and Miz paused to celebrate.

So we paused for....

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Back, and we catch Ziggler in mid-hope-spot, building up to a big implant DDT that gets him his first near-fall of the match. But Miz kicks out, and is actually the first to his feet, as Dolph remains hobbled. Miz notices this, and decides to cinch in the Figure Four. Not just bad for the knee, but presumably a bit of a "screw you" to Flair who once "gifted" him with the Fig. 4, but "Whoooo'd" him backstage, earlier tonight.

Ziggler's able to make the ropes, and gets the break. He actually pulls himself out onto the apron. Miz goes over, and the two trade a few punches. Meantime, the ref is counting, since Ziggler's outside the ring.

Dolph wins the exchange, and clotheslines Miz's neck over the top rope. But in so doing, he hurts his own knee dropping down to the floor. Miz is flat on his back, Dolph is unable to get back to his feet, and the ref just keeps counting to 10.

Your Winner: Miz, via count-out, in 7 minutes. But obviously, Dolph retains the IC Title. For the second night in a row, the two were ultra-time-compressed, and really didn't get to deliver the goods. Just 7 minutes, and 3 of those were a commercial break. By no means bad, but it just wasn't put in the right spot to do anything other than tell the very basic story of Miz winning the match, but not the title, due to the knee injury.

After the Match: Miz is miffed that he's not the champion (and, in fact, JBL is spinning a yarn about how Dolph is faking and he got counted out on purpose), so he tries to take advantage of Ziggler, who is still crumpled in a heap. But after landing a few shots and throwing Dolph back in the ring, Miz eats a flash Zig Zag. Play Dolph's music, because he lost!

Backstage: Renee Young has a few words with Jack Swagger, who owns up to coming up short against Rusev last night, but says that -- as a Real American -- he won't make excuses. He'll just pick himself up, dust himself off, and get back to work. Starting tonight. In fact, his mission to get back on track is starting RIGHT NOW. By which we mean, after these...

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JACK SWAGGER vs. CESARO

The clear-cut narrative is "Swagger getting back on track," which pretty much sounds like a reboot, and not "Swagger's feud with Rusev is still a going concern." As I said in the RAW Preview (in the Forums), I like the idea of Rusev/Swagger being over, and moving Rusev into a US Title feud against Sheamus. We're halfway there.

Meantime, Swagger's still selling the injured ribs, which prevents him from sustaining any offense. Even when he hits a move, he hurts himself (right down to the same "Was that really worth it?" Swagger Bomb spot from last night). Cesaro is in control, and tries to hit a big boot while Swagger was out on the apron.

Swagger catches him and gets an anklelock, but has to break at 4. But just when you think Swagger's got his opening to take advantage of a one-legged Cesaro, Cesaro kicks Swagger off when he attempts an in-ring anklelock. And he follows up with a Neutralizer out of nowhere.

Your Winner: Cesaro, via pinfall, in 4 minutes. Yeah, nothing to see here. Move along. I mean, I love Cesaro, so it's good to see him snap his losing streak, but there really wasn't much substance here.

After the Match: Cesaro leaves, victorious, while Swagger wallows in his own crapulance in the ring. All of a sudden, Bo Dallas' music hits, and he delivers a Botivational Speech that amounts to, "Hey, you just let down 318 million Americans when you lost last night. You're a national shame. You don't have any more self-respect, you don't even have your manager with you. But you can get it all back if only you BOLIEVE."

Backstage: Renee Young has got Chris Jericho for an interview. What's his mindset after losing to Bray Wyatt? Well, first, he realized last night that Bray really means it when he talks about being dead inside. He witnessed it first hand, and as much as it may be Bray's strength to feel he's truly immune from pain, Jericho realized he's happy he didn't sink to Bray's level. In fact, he's got a deep down lust for life that Bray lacks, and he wouldn't have it any other way. One other thing he has that Bray lacks: the greatest fans in the world, who shower him with love and stand with him, no matter what.

As the fans fire up a "WHY TWO JAY" chant, Jericho flashes a big cheesy smile, and I think we just saw the premise set up for the Wyatt/Jericho Rubber Match: who's REALLY the fan favorite? Is Jericho's popularity really as rock solid as he assumes, or is Bray getting traction to the point that he's at the tipping point?

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ROMAN REIGNS/SHEAMUS/ROB VAN DAM vs. RANDY ORTON/RYBAXEL

So, uhhhh, I guess this exists because they wanted another little repise of Reigns/Orton, so they took those two, fired up the Random Match Generator, and this is the result. Well, unless they actually expect a significant portion of the RAW audience to have watched lsat week's "Main Event" and have given a shit when Sheamus/RVD and Rybaxel had a 3-way tag title match.

Also, if that's the subtext, Cole & The Gang aren't bothering to mention it, which means you're all damned lucky that *I* watch Tuesday Night's Main Event for you.

Sheamus opens against Orton, and gets the better of it. RVD tags in, and keeps piling on. All of 2 minutes into the match, Orton's had enough of that happy crappy, so he bails out of the ring, and calls over Rybaxel to regroup. Break in the action means a break for...

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Back, and Orton has managed to pass his duties onto Curtis Axel, who is getting his ass kicked by Sheamus. Ten of Clubs for Axel. Ryback tries to help his buddy. Ten of Clubs for Ryback. But in tending to those two, Sheamus lost track of Orton, who has blind tagged himself in (off Axel), and who blindsides Sheamus to take command of things.

Orton introduces Sheamus to the ringside barricade and the announce table, and then starts a methodical (read: slow and boring) beatdown in the ring. The crowd is having none of it, and starts chanting "WE WANT RYE BACK" (Ryback is from Vegas, and is the hometown boy). Orton gives up, mid-Garvin-Stomp, and gives them what they want.

Ryback tags in to a HUGE pop, and goes to town on Sheamus. Big "Feed Me More" chants as he clubbers away. And a big cheer as he hit a massive delayed vertical suplex. Then Ryback tags Orton back in, and Sheamus immediately counters an attempted Hangman DDT, and gets to his corner to tag in Reigns.

Corresponding move to Axel, who is promptly decimated by Roman. Leaping Apron Dropkick Thingie. Superman Punch. Bonus Superman Punch to Ryback. Reigns sets up for a Spear, but Orton intercepts and hits his wrap-around backbreaker.

Tag to RVD, but it breaks down into a Pier Sixer. Big finishers (Brogue Kick to Ryback, RKO to Sheamus, Spear to Orton) all around until it's back down to RVD vs. Axel. Five Star Frog Splash. Fin.

Your Winners: Rob Van Dam, Roman Reigns, and Sheamus, via pinfall, in about 12 minutes. Solid execution of your basic tag formula, but with a little extra sizzle because of the surreal Ryback Love. Fun times.

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Backstage: Orton is sulking and icing his neck... and up walks Ric Flair, who seems to be ina supporitve mood as he offers to give some advice about Roman Reigns. But Orton just snaps at him, "I don't want to hear it. So unless you want to find out why they used to call me the Legend Killer, you'd be be moving along." Except not quite as eloquently, because fluent polysyllabic English is not Randall's bag.

So, Flair sticking around to help Ziggler (which was actually his request, but originally shot down by WWE)? Or Flair ending up as Reigns' advisor (which would definitely work, since Reigns isn't the greatest promo guy, either, at this point)? Or neither, and they just decided to toss Flair an extra paycheck since he was already hanging around for SummerSlam?

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THE USOS vs. GOLDUST & STARDUST (Non-Title)

The dearth of credible heel tag teams rears its head. Out of the gate, the vibe seems to be that Goldust is quasi-heelish, while Jey Uso is sticking to his standard flashy babyface-ish offense. JBL's commentary, however, would have Goldust and Stardust be the babyfaces (since JBL keeps talking about what crazy freaks they are and he doesn't like them, but he DOES respect the Usos).

So the crowd could break the tie, but instead, they're mostly confused, and not making much noise either way. Huh.

But about 3 minutes in, it does seem like Cody morphs into our Face in Peril, and the Usos are making frequent tags to stay in control. The fans latch onto that, and start a "Let's Go, Stardust" chant. But it's met almost immediately with a "Let's Go, Usos" rebuttal.

Cody gets some separation, and makes a dive towards his corner, but Jey catches him... so Cody changs plans and rolls through into a pinning combo. And he gets the three count! Whoa.

Your Winners: Stardust and Goldust, via pinfall, in about 5 minutes. I guess the non-title win was inevitable (it's pretty much the only reason for doing this match), but that was NOT how I would have predicted it would happen. Unexpected, but plausible, finishes are always fun. Now, we'll have to see about creating more of a hook so fans have reasons to pick a side and get invested when they do the full-length for-realz title match.

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HIM?

Rusev and Lana hit the ring, where Lana brags about Rusev's win in last night's flag match, and implies that Vladimir Putin himself was watching and was so proud of Rusev's display of Russian supremacy.

But she is cut off, mid-sentence, by Mark Henry's music. He gets to the ring and soaks up a big "USA" chant... he says he's proud to have represented the United States in the Olympics. Twice. And in those experiences, he never once had a problem with anyone, their nationality, or their flags. "Until I saw you two jackasses."

Lana tries to yell him down, but Henry cuts her off and says he's not talking to her. He's talking to Rusev, so maybe she should translate, cuz "Boy, I am gonna take you on a guided tour through the Hall of Pain."

Apparently, Rusev got the message, even without a translation, cuz he got upset, and decided to take a swing at Henry. Henry was more than up to the challenge, and got the better of a quick brawl. World's Strongest Slam. A big ol' Splash. And thunderous "USA" chants as Lana had to stand back in the corner and do nothing about it.

Yay, patriotism! And more to the point: uhhhhh, so what was up with presenting Show/Henry as an unstoppable tag team if the plan all along was to do Rusev vs. Henry? I'm not saying it's a bad idea (on the contrary, I thought it was an obvious next step after Rusev's first PPV match against Big E), but I don't get throwing Harper/Rowan under the bus if there's not an immediate plan to make use of Show and Henry as a tag team.

I mean, I'm totally on board with doing one. Or the other. But there's no defensible reason for trying to do both. It's almost like the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing...

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And the Winner Is: Jerry Lawler's in the ring to reveal what stip the fans have picked for Ambrose/Rollins. It's gonna be a Falls Count Anywhere Match. Told you so.

DEAN AMBROSE vs. SETH ROLLINS (Falls Count Anywhere Match)

Hey, look! For the first time since the Clinton Administration, Ambrose's shoulder is NOT taped up. A two-armed Ambrose? What will they think of next?

Bell rings, and Ambrose wastes no time clobbering Rollins until he tumbles out of the ring. Ambrose follows, and less than 60 seconds in, they're fighting in the third row. They make a circuit of the building, and end up brawling up on the stage, where Ambrose hits a sick suplex on the steel grating for the first near fall of the night.

Then Ambrose kicks Rollins ass all the way back to the ring, where he introduces some chairs and a kendo stick to the proceedings. Especially nice as a chair-assisted body slam. Face-busting chair shot off the second rope got another two count. But when Ambrose tries to smash Rollins into a chair that he's propped up in the turnbuckle, Rollins reverses it, and Ambrose eats the steel.

It's Rollins' first near fall. And it also takes us to our final....

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Back, and the tide has turned. We get a pic-in-pic of Rollins catching Ambrose with a kendo stick, on a plancha attempt, during the ad break. And Rollins is still using the kendo stick... Ambrose gets a hope spot when he traps the kendo stick against his body, and then tries his funky fall-into-the-ropes bounce back, but Rollins snuffs that out with an enzuigiri.

A bit more of a beatdown by Rollins, but when he goes outside to get more toys, Ambrose is able to recover, and catches him with a tornado DDT. Then they go triple criss-cross-y with drop downs and ducks and so forth before both attempting cross body blocks. Both men down for the reset. Ref counts and gets up to 7.

Both guys up, and trade punches. Ambrose gets the better of it. Rollins tries to counter by grabbing the kendo stick, but Ambrose is able to stay just out of range, and hits a slingshot into the ring post. Ambrose doesn't go for the fall, though, and instead fetches about a dozen chairs, and makes a pile in the middle of the ring. We've seen him do this before...

And sure enough, Ambrose tries to hit a superplex onto the pile... and just as assuredly, it backfires. Rollins flips through, and turns it into a sit-out powerbomb onto the pile. Ouch. But Ambrose is able to kick out at two.

As Rollins regroups and tries to come up with another plan, Korporate Kane comes on down to the ring to make sure all goes smoothly. He takes a seat in the timekeeper cubicle, as Rollins decides to set up a table in the middle of the ring. He drapes Ambrose across the table, and goes up top for an Atomic Curbstomp... but Ambrose catches him, and turns it into a superplex through the table.

That gets a "Holy Shit" chant. But before Ambrose can go for a cover, Kane gets up on the apron to cause a distraction... Ambrose shoves Kane off the apron, then tosses Rollins out on top of him. Then hits a flying goat dive, as the crowd goes nuts.

Rollins gets tossed back into the ring, and tries to catch Ambrose when he follows... but Ambrose now hits his fall-into-the-ropes bounceback, flattening Rollins with a clothesline. Kane has to reach in to pull him off and break the fall.

So Ambrose just says "screw it" and decides he's gotta fight both guys at the same time. He goes over here and keeps Kane at bay. Then he turns over there, and hits his run-accross-two-tables dive onto Rollins in the second row. Another shot at Kane, and Ambrose clears the announce table, and sets up to hit Dirty Deeds on top of it.

But Kane strikes... and saves Rollins and chokeslams Ambrose onto the table. It doesn't break. So as Ambrose, slowly, gets back up on his hands and knees, Rollins gets up onthe barricade and curb stomps Ambrose on the table.

It still doesn't break. And that's fine with Rollins, because it turns out he has a plan, afterall: Kane pulls apart the timekeeper's cubicle, and reveals that inside/underneath it, there's a stack of cinder blocks. Uh oh.

Kane sets Ambrose head on the blocks, and Rollins gets up on the announce table, and comes off with a curb stomp onto the cinder blocks. And THROUGH the cinder blocks. Yes, a couple of them actually crumbled... I don't care that they were undoubtably props; that fricking visual was sick.

Cole & The Gang sell it with appropriate shock and horror, and the crowd's buying it, too, going dead silent. The ref comes to the realization that even if Ambrose isn't dead, he's close enough to it that he's not coming back to continue this fight any time soon. He stops it.

Your WInner: Seth Rollins, by ref stoppage, in 22 minutes. Really, really excellent brawl, and a more than adequately huge finish. WWE trusted two relatively unproven guys with the main event, and they absolutely crushed it.

Trainers and EMTs come on down to tend to Ambrose, while Kane and Rollins sit back looking mighty satisfied, but with an undertone of not being entirely comfortable that it had to come to this. A pitch perfect touch of solemnity as we fade to black.

And so ends the show. And oh my, what an ending. I knew WWE had recently picked Ambrose to be the next guy to crossover into a WWE Films project, but when I was told that, my impression was that it'd be something he'd do later in the year.

Guess not, cuz that was just one hell of an epic write-out. Just convincing and real and all kinds of vicious.

Too bad for Seth Rollins that he's now officially free from AMBROSE ALERTS~! just in time for Brock Lesnar to be WWE Champ. He'll not be looking to cash-in on Brock, unless he's some kinda stupid. D'oh.

A hell of a main event. And other than the dumpster fire of an opening segment, there was really not a single real hole at any point the rest of the show. Well, except for the 5 times they replayed clips of the dumpster fire. And the fact that I didn't really get the use of Henry as UberPatriot after they'd already established him as half of the new uber-tag-team.

But those really weren't substantial glaring problems so much as their were minor distractions. Pretty much every other major segment had significant redeeming value. Especially Heyman's killer promo. But also some decent in-ring action in the six-man, and nice little story-building moments between Paige/AJ and Ziggler/Miz.

So an all-around strong show, with an off-the-charts finish? Yeah, that's pretty much right up OO's alley. Gotta give it an A-minus.

If nothing else, do yourself a favor and find the Ambrose/Rollins match to watch. You'll be glad you did. See you again in 168 hours, kids...

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.