OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Won't Somebody Think of the Wrestling Fans?
September 15, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Anyone out there a big enough Baseball Nerd that you, too, are signed up for baseball-reference.com's Play Index? And if so, are you pretty handy with it?

Fed up with the crappiness of the popular stats for starting pitchers (and the complicated wankiness of the SABR-y stats), I had a notion for a stat of my own that would easily trump Wins/Losses, ERA, and which is vaguely based on the idea of the Quality Start...

I wont' bore the non-baseball people among you with more details, but I haven't been able to coax the right data out of the Play Index so that I can easily calculate my new stat. I'd gladly take any help if you're well versed in querying the BR Play Index.

My stat is, itself, delightful in its simplicity, but I just haven't been able to figure out the way of automating its calculation, yet. Drop me an email if you want to collaborate.

And now, on with the show:

"OK, GO WATCH FOOTBALL, JUST PROMISE TO COME BACK AT HALFTIME" THEATRE

No preliminaries, just straight to the inside of the Cajun Dome, for a Cold Open, with Paul Heyman already in the ring.

He's here to give us a little preview of Night of Champions. He spins a yarn in which John Cena comes down to the ring (Heyman even sing-songs his entrance music) to the delight of the little kiddies, and then his client, the reigning, defending, undisputable, unbeaten Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar will come down to the ring and deliver an ass kicking that will break the hearts of all the kiddies.

But then, there's Cena's music for real, and here's the man himself, stomping towards the ring. And when he gets a mic, he jokes, "So, uhhhhh, I can't see him." Tee hee, Jonjon, tee hee. But no, seriously, where is Brock Lesnar? Last week, he laid out the challenge: Cena was coming to RAW, and he wanted to fight. And if Brock isn't here to fight, Cena will settle for Heyman.

But Heyman tells Cena to cool his jets... sure, the business man in him wants to save it for Sunday, when the fans will pony up NINE NINETY-NINE to watch Night of Champions. But if that's really what Cena wants, then fine, Cena can have it. Right here, tonight, September 15, live on RAW, John Cena will get to fight the Beast, the One in 21-and-1... BBRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOCCCKKKKK Lesnar!

Cena turns towards the stage, expecting Lesnar. But nope. Instead, Heyman just starts laughing... turns out, Brock Lesnar's private jet was delayed, and he's not here, yet. And in fact, Heyman says Cena knew full well about the delay, because it was all the buzz all evening backstage, and he's just out here acting like the brave hero, all while knowing Lesnar's not here.

Yep, it takes a real big man to come out here and threaten an Advocate when he knows the champ isn't even in the building. But no matter: Lesnar's on his way, and Cena will have all he can handle, and then some. And with that, Heyman bids you good day. HE SAID "GOOD DAY," SIR!

But Cena cuts him off and grabs him by the collar... "I don't want to say I don't trust you. But I don't trust you." Cena says Heyman has until "halftime" (of RAW, about 80 minutes away; but it's pretty obvious that they're also aiming to have Cena/Lesnar take place during halftime of Monday Night Football, and wouldn't mind if you tweeted yer ass off about #cenalesnarathalftime) to produce Lesnar, otherwise, Cena will take his frustrations out on Heyman.

And since he doesn't trust Paul, Cena yanks him in and puts him in a headlock to drag him backstage, where Cena will keep a close eye on Heyman, making sure he doesn't try to ditch out on us. Way to be a Star, John...

Belated Welcome: Cole & the Gang give us a quick outline of tonight's events, including the Halftime Showdown, a Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins match, and coming up next, it's Chris Jericho vs. Korporate Kane. By "next," of course, they actually mean after these....

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Backstage: Cena locks Heyman in a dressing room, and then grabs the [redacted] Khali, and tells him to stand guard.

CHRIS JERICHO vs. KANE

Jericho gets off to a strong start, showing absolutely no signs of last Monday's knee injury that was presented as rather serious. But nope: Jericho wrestled on Friday, and he's not even limping tonight. This is one of those little things that adds to my sense that, lately, the right hand doesn't know what the left is doing as a result of WWE's silly way of compartmentalizing the writing...

Oh well, back to business, where Jericho's opening salvo builds up to a springboard apron dropkick and then a top-rope-to-the-floor crossbody, but when he tosses Kane back into the ring, he pauses to celebrate with a "Yeah, baby" before following, so Kane is able to catch him as he tries sliding back into the ring.

Little bit of a heel beatdown, and Kane just flat-out tosses Jericho out over the top rope, where he stays crumpled in a heap. Break in the action means a break for...

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Back, and Kane is dominating Jericho, as you might expect. Jericho gets a little hope spot in after a missile dropkick, but Kane snuffs that out and settles in for some thrilling Orton-style offense. Chinlock, Vulcan nerve hold, another chinlock.

That's nice of Kane to mimic Orton's offense for Jericho, just 6 days before Jericho faces the Mantard, himself. Kane, the human taxi squad!

Eventually, Kane gets greedy, and tries a top rope move. But Jericho catches him with a dropkick to the gut, and starts his fire up. The flurry lasts for a minute or two, until Jericho goes for a turnbuckle mount-and-punch, only to have Kane turn it into a SnakeEyes... but it doesn't hit clean, and Jericho hits hard and awkwardly on the middle turnbuckle instead of the top one. Ouch.

There's some blood, and the ref dons some gloves as he checks on Jericho. Meantime, Kane removes the top turnbuckle pad. In so doing, he gives Jericho time to recover. When Kane turns back to the middle of the ring, Jericho meets him with fists flying, and we start going back and forth.

Kane's trying to finagle things so Jericho eats the exposed turnbuckle, but Jericho keeps countering. Kane goes for a chokeslam, Jericho turns it into a DDT. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Kane catches him by the throat for another chokeslam attempt. Jericho kicks Kane in the knee to escape, and when Kane charges, Jericho hits a drop toehold, and it's Kane who eats the turnbuckle. Done and done.

Your Winner: Chris Jericho, via pinfall, in about 12 minutes. Rock solid work from two vets. Nothing you'll be talking about tomorrow, but a wholly inoffensive way to get Jericho positioned for a featured match on Sunday night.

Backstage: the dressing room door was locked, and Khali was standing guard, but that doesn't prevent a camera from magically getting into the dressing room, where Paul Heyman is on the phone with Brock, trying to confirm his arrival time, except there's bad reception.

I'll spare you the predictable rant about how goddamned retarded it is when WWE refuses to lock into a single consistent POV with regards to camera/4th-wall issues, and point out that WWE's mission here was to create uncertainty about Lesnar's presence. Yes, he's on his way, but no, we don't know more than that. Oh, cell reception, you finicky bitch...

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USA! USA! USA! Mark Henry will be holding a pep rally later tonight. Yes, for real: pep rally. What is this, high school? But till then, various Olympic athletes and other peers of Henry's have sent in pep talks of their own. First up, a high jumper I've never heard of.

Backstage: Renee Young has Roman Reigns for an interview... what's he got in store for Seth Rollins tonight? Reigns is once again quite concise and to-the-point: Rollins thinks he's the Architect, always planning and plotting. But anybody can have a plan, until you get punched in the face, and then it's all about how hard you can fight. So he promises to ruin all Seth's plans [making the Fist Pose] and we can all believe that.

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JACK SWAGGER (w/ Zeb Colter) vs. "THE INSPIRATIONAL" BO DALLAS

Time compression is in full effect. Dallas basically goes straight for the heel beatdown segment. When a mild "WE THE PEE POLL" chant starts up, there's an equally audible "WE BO LEAVE" chant. I'd call it a 15/15 split, with 70 percent abstaining.

Even though this is noticeably time compressed, Bo's not shying away from multiple chinlocks, so that's probably the main contributing factor to fan apathy. Finally, Bo tries for a top rope move, and spends time taunting the crowd and mocking Swagger... Dallas dives off, Swagger moves, and the rally is on.

When Swagger builds up to a Swagger Bomb attempt, Dallas rolls out of the ring. A quick bit of double-reversey, and all of a sudden, Swagger cinches in an anklelock.

Your Winner: Jack Swagger, via submission, in 5 minutes. Pretty yawn inducing until the final bit of counter-wrestling into the anklelock and the happy ending.

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AJ & BRIE BELLA vs. PAIGE & NIKKI BELLA

Brie starts for her team, so Nikki immediately makes a big show of chickening out and tagging Paige in. Paige proceeds to kick the ever-loving crap out of Brie, while AJ looks less-than-concerned. To call AJ's efforts to tag in half-hearted would be generous.

But then Paige started taunting AJ, and AJ's lack of concern for her reality TV show partner morphed into a desire to get her hands on Paige... just when AJ was really fired up to tag in, and Brie got a moment of separation, Nikki ran over and yanked AJ off the apron. So Paige was then free and clear to finish off Brie.

Your Winners: Paige and Nikki, via submission, in 3 minutes. If there's a silver lining, it's that Nikki seemed to embrace the concept of laying out and letting the wrestlers handle the wrestling. Otherwise, there's nothing here that wouldn't have been improved by less Bellas.

After the Match: Nikki got in a few cheapshots on Brie, and then Paige celebrating by skipping around with the belt. When AJ got back on her feet, she joined in, and skipped alongside Paige, which served to annoy the champ.

Sheep Mask Freeze Frame: Bray Wyatt is alone in a dark room. After Friday's 8-man tag, Bray has a bit of a bone to pick with Big Show. After some of his standard doubletalk about how he doesn't fear a giant, but the giant should fear him, we get a Follow. The Buzzards. Cuz apparently this match is next...

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Backstage: the camera has now magically exited the dresing room and is stationed outside. Oy. Heyman peeks his head out, and asks Khali if he can step outside for a moment, to try to get better cell reception. Khali responds by taking Paul's phone, stomping on it, and shoving Heyman back into the dressing room.

BIG SHOW vs. BRAY WYATT (w/ Harper & Rowan)

Bell rings, and Bray actually feigns that he'll lock up with Show. But instead, he ducks down and delivers a bunch of rabbit punches. Bad idea: you've merely made Big Show angry. Show clobbers away, including some "SHHHHHHH!" Chops.

But then Bray turns the tables by taking out one of Show's legs. With Show grounded, Bray's able to maintain command. And anytime Show threatens to rally, the continued beatdown is only a chopblock away.

Show's comeback takes the form of powering out of a headlock and turning it into a big backdrop suplex. Show goes on a tear, and is able to fight off attempted interference from Rowan. He hits his Final Cut quasi-finisher, requiring Harper to come in and break it up. And forcing the ref to call for the bell.

Your Winner: Big Show, via disqualification, in 6 minutes or so. They probably could have done more to build up to a Wyatt/Show match, because as it was, this reeked of just throwing together two guys who aren't doing anything. Combine the lack of pretext and lack of a finish, and you're not left with a whole lot to sink your teeth into. Not that bad, or anything, but definitely nothing more than filler, given how it was presented...

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THE USOS & SHEAMUS vs. GOLDUST, STARDUST, & CESARO

Welp, it's 9:30pm, and thus, "halftime" of RAW. But we're having this match, so I guess it's not halftime of the football game. Actually, glancing over, it looks like there's still 8 minutes to go till halftime, so at least this match is likely to be given full time to play out.

Also: Jey's knee injury has magically heeled as nicely as Jericho's. No tape, no limp, no nothing, despite still being on crutches last week.

Sheamus and Goldust start things off. Goldust is using more headgames and taunts, Sheamus is using power and strength. Advantage: Sheamus.

But then Jey Uso tags in, and we get a reversal of fortune. Heels make some quick tags for a mini-Face-in-Peril, including Cesaro hitting the Ten of Clubs to taunt Sheamus. Then a moment of separation, and Jimmy comes in, hits about 2 moves, and settles in as our for-real Face in Peril.

With the heels once again dominant, we break for...

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Back, and Cesaro's stomping away on Jimmy... he teases a Giant Swing, but when the crowd roars approval, he makes the International Sign for No Soup For You, and just stomps away some more. Boo~!

Frequent tags, and the ring is effectively cut in half. A solid 4 or 5 minutes of nicely-paced heel beatdown, and plenty of dickish taunting to keep the crowd vested, too.

But then, as tends to happen, the face in peril makes the hot tag. In this case, to Sheamus. Stardust in on the corresponding move. And Sheamus goes to town, including a "This is how you do it" Ten of Clubs, and then a top-rope-to-the-floor 7/10 Battering Ram onto Goldust and Cesaro.

Back in the ring, Sheamus focuses in on Stardust, finally hitting him with the Brogue Kick... but just before, Cesaro blind tagged himself in when Stardust bounced off the ropes. He's able to surprise Sheamus from behind with a flash Neutralizer.

Luckily, an Uso dives in to break up the pinfall, and it breaks down into a massive Pier Sixer. In the chaos, there's finishers and powder-outs right and left until an Uso blind tags into the match, catches Cesaro with a superkick, and then a Superfly Splash.

Your Winners: the Usos and Sheamus, via pinfall, in 15 minutes. Very good stuff, here. The double-layered Face in Peril bit provided a little more depth, and the heel beatdown sequence never bogged down, possessing plenty of pace and heat. Then the red-hot End Game once Sheamus tagged in provided all the climactic action you could ask for.

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Now They're Blatantly Just Wasting Time: it's 9:50pm, and there's still a minute and a half to go before football halftime. At this point, they should have Cena come out an issue a correction, because RAW halftime is long passed, and now the Cena/Lesnar thing will happen in between the 2nd and 3rd periods. HOCKEY REFERENCE~!

Anyway, this whole segment is about 5 or 6 minutes from ad break to ad break, and features video packages of Rollins/Ambrose and Henry/Rusev, with awkward clunky segues by announcers who are clearly winging it.

Then I guess the game finally went to halftime because we suddenly shift gears and randomly cut to backstage, where Khali is guarding the door, and Cena's come to collect Heyman. Halftime is coming up.... NEXT~!

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I THINK JOHN CENA JUST BROKE BROCK LESNAR'S NOSE

We're back, and Cena's got Heyman back in a headlock, dragging him towards the ring. Once there, Cena asks for a mic, and says it's time for "the Great Heymandini" to magically make a Beast appear... cuz if he doesn't, Cena will make Heyman's teeth magically disappear.

Heyman is intimidated, but Cena let's him take the mic and start talking. And the more Heyman talks, the more he gains confidence... he reprises last week's talk about Cena becoming a beast if he wants to beat a Beast, and the more he talks, the more he sees it in Cena's eyes: Cena won't hit him.

Cena knows Lesnar's plane is legitimately delayed. If Cena attacks a 49-year-old advocate, knowing that said 49-year-old did everything in good faith, then Cena's nothing but a bully. And Cena can't be seen as a bully. He has to be a role model. He lives by a code.

And that code will always be the one thing that stops Cena from being champion again. Heyman, now fully embiggened, flat out dares Cena to hit him. "Become my vision for you."

Cena seems to poll the crowd (they are split, as not even Heyman is enough to get everyone to cheer for Cena), but then says he gives up. He can't do it. He thought for sure his little plan would produce Brock Lesnar, but all he's got is a scumbag weasel. And Heyman's not worth it. Cena walks away.

Heyman, "Oh, how noble. I'm sure your mother would be so proud of you. If only you'd been born with testicles." Yeah, it's not exactly a sensible zinger, but since it includes mention of both (a) one's mother and (b) one's lack of balls, Cena has to act super-offended. Cena jumps back in the ring and charges at Heyman, shoving him to the mat.

At that moment, Brock Lesnar's music hits, and he comes out on the stage.

Cena's fired up, and can't wait for the fight. But Lesnar makes him wait, milking the moment by strolling around the ring, staring daggers at Cena. And then, meeting up with Heyman, the two seem to retreat, telling Cena to wait till Sunday.

But Cena yells and taunts some more, and finally Brock decides he'd better do something about it. He takes off the title belt, hands it to Heyman, and gets into the ring.

Cena runs at Lesnar, and takes the fight to him, flailing away with lefts and rights. But the second Lesnar is able to get Cena back to arm's length, he snaps off a big suplex. Visions of SummerSlam?

But nope, because as soon as Lesnar tries to follow up, Cena takes him down and rains down blows. Lesnar is able to reverse and throw a few punches of his own, here and there, but Cena always regains the advantage, and the little 45 second brawl is easily 90% Cena.

When officials and security swarm and pull the two apart, Lesnar's bleeding and may have broken his nose. The two keep jawing, with various takes on "See you Sunday" bandied about.

Due to how WWE hyped the segment, I'm sure the success/failure of it will have a lot to do with whether or not the ratings indicate any sort of significant switch-over from football. [If so, yay. If not, then WWE basically punted the segment before this for nothing.] But on its own merits, I think this little showdown did exactly what it needed to: some nice on-topic mic work and a preview of physicality underscored the Big Fight atmosphere that exists when Brock Lesnar is present.

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NAOMI vs. CAMERON

A lengthy clip of badly-acted drama from last night's episode of That Which OO Does Not Acknowledge As Valid Entertainment supposedly provides the backstory for this match. The fact that I have standards and a modicum of pride means I aggressively zoned out for those 90 seconds.

Once the match starts, the crowd is deathly silent, with a few yahoos yelling "boring" being clearly audible, so I'm seemingly in the majority on this. That's what you get for crossing the streams, WWE. If you must do TWOODNAAVE, fine, do it. But acting like fans of your core product are somehow obligated to put up with that horseshit when you shoehorn it into your wrestling show ain't gonna fly. Less "something for everybody, in a desperate attempt to gain a handful of fringe viewers" and more "avoiding anything that will alienate the vast majority of your existing audience."

Then Naomi locked in a submission move, and it was over.

Your Winner: Naomi, via submission, in 3 minutes.

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DOLPH ZIGGLER & R-ZIG vs. MIZ & DAMIEN MIZDOW

So this match was a highlight of Friday's SmackDown, and just flat out fun. But since SD's audience is half of RAW, here it is again, so everybody can see and enjoy it.

The good guys come out strong, building up to Stereo Hip Swivel/Elbow Drop combos. But then R-Zig takes too much time celebrating the Shiny Happy Goodtimery, and the heels are able to take over.

Sandow does most of the heavy lifting for the heels, while Miz tags and exerts most of his energy on taunting Ziggler and acting like a prick. As a result, Sandow accounts for 90% of the heels' offense, and Miz is the one who ends up losing focus and allowing Truth to make the hot tag.

Ziggler comes in, and goes to town. After a Fameasser on Miz, Sandow comes in to make the save, and the heels attempt a doubleteam, but it backfires. Miz ends up colliding with Sandow, and Dolph follows up with a Zig Zag.

Your Winners: Dolph Ziggler and R-Zig, via pinfall, in 5 minutes. It was fresh and exciting and tons of fun on Friday. It was still amusing tonight, but probably moreso for those who didn't see it the first time. Which, unfortunately, isn't OO.

Backstage: Tom Phillips is standing by with Seth Rollins. Does Rollins have any response to Reign's threat of face-punching? As it turns out, he does. He's not too concerned, because brains always beat brawn, and the only reasons Reigns' knuckles are gonna be bleeding is because he's a Neanderthal who walks on them. He's just not that bright, and that's why it'll be so easy to outsmart him tonight. Believe that.

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Friday on SmackDown: the main event will be Big Show and the Usos against the Wyatt Family.

ROMAN REIGNS vs. SETH ROLLINS

So, uhhhhh, just to be clear, this match is still happening Sunday at Night of Champions. But it's also happening now. And since it's only 10:40pm, it seems like we're actually gonna get it, for-real and full-length (and not just some kind of cop-out that leads to the real match on Sunday)... so yeah, uhhhhh, I don't know what the hell's going on with this.

Bell rings, and it's pretty straight forward power vs. speed stuff. Power definitely wins out, with Reigns repeatedly pummeling Rollins to the point that Rollins ducks out of the ring. And then, a third time, Reigns just pre-emptively tosses Rollins out, his own self.

At ringside, Rollins meets the barricade, then the ring post, and finally, Reigns tosses him over top of the announce table. With Rollins down and out behind the table, we break for...

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Back, and per the WWE Bylaws, Rollins is working a chinlock as we come out of the ad break. A pic-in-pic shows Rollins reversing a move during the commercials, and taking control of the match.

Reigns is able to power out of said chinlock, but it's only a brief hope spot. Reigns goes for his running apron dropkick thingie, and Rollins moves, and follows up with a suicide dive that drives Reigns into the ringside barricade.

Back in the ring, Rollins keeps the pressure on for a minute or two until Reigns starts a real comeback. On the second try, the running apron dropkick thingie hits. Reigns sets up for the Superman Punch, but Rollins leap frogs it, and catches Reigns with a superkick on the rebound.

Reigns kicks out at two. Rollins tries to go up top, but Reigns catches him. The two trade blows up there, with Rollins eventually flipping down to the mat, and then running Reigns all the way across the ring to hit his Turnbuckle Bomb. Impressive. But still only a two count.

Rollins decides it's time to finish things, and after a quick grapple, he goes for the Curb Stomp, Reigns gets out of the way, and comes back with a Spear. Fin.

Your Winner: Roman Reigns, via pinfall, in 12 minutes. So, uhhhhh, I still don't get it. I totally forgot about the stupid Pep Rally, so that's why the match was short and not an actual full-length affair. But more importantly, I don't get how this made their rematch on Sunday any more compelling.

It doesn't matter so much who won or lost the match, but the story here SHOULD have been something that gives us a reason to rally behind Reigns. Somehow, there needed to be something for Reigns to prove on Sunday... a win for Rollins would have been OK, but even better would have been Reigns winning a match, only to have the Authority spoil it again. As a bonus, that would have underscored the point that Reigns is losing a numbers game (thus foreshadowing Ambrose's return). Something, ANYthing really, to provide some actual traction for this storyline would have been welcome.

Instead, nothing. This was just thrown out there, without a full fledged build up, and then added nothing to the build-up for Sunday's version of the match. Does WWE think two wrongs will somehow magically add up to a right?

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MARK HENRY'S PEP RALLY

Yep, I was being honest a paragraph or two ago. I legit forgot this was scheduled to happen. And it's the "main event." I was completely at peace with the idea of Reigns/Rollins being the main event. And if anything, I'm actually kind of annoyed that I still have one more segment to sit through, now.

I thought my work here was done. But it's not. The big finale of the show is something that I wouldn't have missed if I'd accidently tuned out early. That's a truly special kind of lame work, WWE.

Anyway, Cole is in the ring, surrounded by American flags on all the ring posts, and introduces Mark Henry. Cole lobs Henry a softball about "How important is it for you to defend America?" or some such. That allows Henry to spin a yarn about how he had a chance to go to the Olympics, but wasn't able to fully represent his country due to an injury. So this time, with Rusev, he will represent his country. He MUST represent.

The Cole parrots a few quotes from Lana about how the USA sucks. Henry responds that they only reason she's able to say those things is the #1 reason why America is great: people are free to speak their minds. And Henry's gonna let his fists do the talking at Nigh.....

Enter Rusev, with Lana. They make it to ringside, but stop short of entering the ring. Lana proceeds to blather at length about Henry's Olympic failures, and Russia's Olympic superiority, and somehow bringing it all back around to Obama sucks, Putin rules, and yadda yadda yadda.

For as much as Rusev and Lana have been able to generate a surprising amount of genuine hate/patriotism, she's pretty much dying out there, tonight.

Henry responds by pledging to do his country proud and get the win on Sunday, or else.

Rusev responds to that response by hopping into the ring. Brief staredown, and then it comes to blows. NOW the crowd comes alive. Lana's cheap heat may finally be getting old, but some good old fashioned slobberknockering is always a good time. And if there's a patrotic component, that's just gravy.

Rusev initially gets the better of it, and tries to cinch in the Camel Clutch... but inspired by the vocal crowd, Henry powers out, makes a full comeback, and hits a World's Strongest Slam to cap the brawl.

Rusev rolls out of the ring, where Lana tends to him. In the ring, Henry grabs one of the flags, and waves it as we fade to black.

And so ends the show. It's a show that had a lot more bell-to-bell than most RAWs in recent memory... but it's still a show that ended up seeming less than the sum of its parts, just poorly structured, exposing the general lack of real value-add forward progress. Cena/Lesnar got a genuine boost of forward momentum, but it was awkwardly buried in the middle of the show, and everything else amounted to treading water.

Flat out, WWE needs to nip this insecure bullshit of counterprogramming football in the bud. I really am not gonna have the patience to deal with 16 more weeks of RAW punting awkward mid-show segments as they try to get lined up with halftime, and then going out and punting the main event because they're putting all their eggs in the halftime basket.

Seriously, cut that out, now. Have some self-esteem, do YOUR show, and do the best wrestling show you can in order to satisfy your audience of 4, 4-and-half million weekly wrestling fans. Don't admit defeat, sell your loyal fans down the river, and book your show for the benefit of whatever low-six-figures number of viewers MIGHT be swayed from football at halftime.

It's simple math: make the mid-seven-figures number of people who already want to like your show happy, and don't obsess over the exponentially smaller number who might be tricked into watching (and who'll only flip away once your single stunt booked segment is over).

It's the same problem as cramming "Total Divas" down our throats, but on steroids. WWE has such a hard-on for attracting non-wrestling fans that they frequently forget the quickest route to a big rating is A Good Wrestling Show. It's easier to attract people predisposed to your core product than it is to attract people with no interest.

More to the point, this desperate attempt to provide "a little something for everyone" will only guarantee that you're also providing multiple things that will piss off a different percentage of your viewers. Somehow, even after countless cautionary tales of the entertainment industry being run by clueless studio fuckwits who are interested in producing material that appeals to a hypothetical cross section demographic or focus group or whatever so that they churn out formulaic garbage with no redeeming artistic value, offensive to no one, but compelling to even fewer, and reduced down to the lowest common denominator.

And meantime, the stuff out there that's actually, you know, really good and critically acclaimed tends to be the product of a singular creative vision and little, if any, studio oversight. WWE's desire to be taken seriously as an entertainment company has them emulating the worst behaviors of the entertainment industry... namely, the behaviors that resulted in 4 or 5 different networks passing on "Breaking Bad" because their demographic data suggested no audience for a meth-dealing cancer patient teacher.

Instead of the behavior that the SHOULD emulate. The behavior that caused AMC to say "Who gives a fuck about demographics and focus groups, which are inherently useless? All we care about is: Is this going to be any good?" And they arrived at the correct answer, "yes," and quality entertainment was the result.

All of that is a long way of saying, "Goddammit, WWE, just do a good show. Everything else will sort itself out if you focus on quality, and not on trying to game the system."

Because tonight was not a good show. It was a show that had some good bits -- the six man tag was outstanding, and I think Lesnar, Cena and Heyman all helped make Sunday's match even bigger -- but they were not front and center. It's not so much that they were overpowered by even more piss poor segments (the awkward "waiting for halftime" segment and the Total Divas segment were about the only things that really stunk)... but they were certainly obscured by the subpar structure and lay-out of the show.

Henry/Rusev wasn't offensive, but it was out of place as the main event. As a wrestling fan, it was just jarringly obvious that WWE punted the main event in an attempt to reach out to people who were fans of the two teams playing on Monday Night Football. I don't think I'm in the wrong for thinking I deserve better treatment than that.

This is a tricky one, in terms of figuring out the calculus behind my final grade for the show. Very little in terms of genuine crap, a greater-than-usual amount of in-ring action filling up the time, and yet somehow, I'm utterly underwhelmed because all those pieces really do add up to less than what their sum should be. And while it might be hard to create synergy, I can't help but think it's even harder to create anergy.

But that's what RAW was tonight: pure, uncut anergy. With that in mind, I can't possibly go any higher than a C-minus tonight.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.