OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Seven Simple Rules for Teaming with My Middle Aged Ryback
November 10, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Not much of anything to say here, preRamble-wise. This was the weekend where about 20 of us who've been friends since college (or before) get together to eat, drink, and play video games as if we were still in college.

Which is to say "too much, and on Sega Genesis."

Two full days of that, after the radical reduction in my ability to consume conspicuously (thanks to the Medical Unpleasantness of early 2014), and I'm wiped out.

Thankfully, this is one of WWE's two weeks per year where they tape RAW ahead of time, because they are in Europe, and there's usually less sizzle to those shows, and as a result, less verbosity required on my part.

Let's find out together if WWE can tax my reserves....

Video Package for the Benefit of Those with ADD: it's an especially cheesy one with terrible narration. I mean, if you're deadset on doing this every week, just do it like real/non-crappy TV shows do, and hit the rapidfire highlights. No narration. Let the product speak for itself, because if you have to talk for it, that probably means it's not as good as it could be. This came off more like a really shitty movie trailer that are so ham-handed that the entire genre is mostly a punchline...

Please note that while I wrote a whole paragraph about a Recap, I did NOT recap it.

RYBACK IS AN ISLAND UNTO HIMSELF

And we're NOT live in Liverpool, England (this was taped on Monday afternoon, 'Muhrican time), and the wacky Brits are all over John Cena as he hits the ring to kick things off. A big "boo" and then they break into the sing-songy "John Cena SUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKS."

Luckily, they're mostly doing it in good fun, and Cena plays off that fact. Also, the crowd hates the Authority even more than they love to hate Cena, so Cena gets them on his side as he talks about what a great opportunity it is to remove Triple H and Steph from power at Survivor Series. And he knows they must be feeling the pressure, because they are making it hell for anyone who so much as HINTS at talking to him about joining Team Cena.

He even claims that Zack Ryder's one tweet about joining the team resulted in Ryder being out of action for six months (the injury is real; the explanation is not).

But he's got a couple guys who feel the same way he does about getting rid of the Authority. First and foremost is the IC Champ, Dolph Ziggler. That gets the biggest pop of the night so far, so Cena's pushing the right buttons. Cena also claims he's got Jack Swagger lined up, which gets significantly less of a reaction.

And he's got another idea... he'd like to talk to Ryback. He knows they are opponents later tonight, but he thinks they may be on the same page with regards to the Authority. So here comes Ryback...

BUt before he can get a single word in, Motorhead interrupts, and the entire Extended Authority arrives... Triple H, Stephanie, Seth Rollins, Kane, and the Stooges. And they are joined by Mark Henry, indicating Henry is the third guy on their team.

HHH cuts to the chase, saying Cena's complaining about what the Authority has already done to his potential teammates at Survivor Series.... but he hasn't yet touched on the more important issue: what the Authority will do to his teammates after they (the Authority) win at Survivor Series, and can basically blacklist anyone who was stupid enough to stand against them.

After a quick digression that involved Dolph Ziggler being like Daniel Bryan (Cena considered that a compliment, HHH meant it as "but where is he now?"), HHH got back on point, and directed it at Ryback. It turned into a recruiting speech in which HHH offered Ryback "MORE" of everything if he'd join Team Authority.

Cena decides to speak for Ryback, and does a big spiel about how HHH just doesn't get it. This isn't just about the fight. This is about fighting the good fight, and doing things the right way. All these threats aren't going to dissuade upright dudes from opposing the Authority.

Steph makes one more plea, directly to Ryback, and Ryback speaks for himself: "I. Am not. Afriad of the Authority." Cheers. "But I also don't see John Cena's signature on my paychecks." And then he turns around and hits a spinebuster on Cena. Boos.

The Authority want to congratulate and welcome Ryback, but he gives them a cold shoulder and walks off on his own. Is he with the Authority, or not? Presumably, we'll find out later tonight, when Ryback and Cena face off in our main event.

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JACK SWAGGER (w/ Zeb Colter) vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/ the New Stooges)

Back and forth chain wrestling to start. Initially, this goes in Swagger's favor. The fans are onboard, singing Swagger's entrance music, for shits and giggles. Tide turns pretty early on, as Rollins works out of an armbar, and then shoves Swagger off, into the ropes, and catches him with a dropkick on the rebound.

But as soon as Swagger shows he's not going down without a fight, Rollins rolls out of the path of an attempted Swagger Bomb, and out of the ring, where he decides to regroup. Break in the action means we break for...

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Back, and Rollins has somehow regained control... but he's lost the interest of the fans, who've decided to amuse themselves with the Yankees' Stadium Roll Call. Rollins immediately goes into a Chinlock, which isn't exactly gonna win the fans back over.

Swagger powers out, backdrops Rollins out of the ring. Then collects him, and hits a Swagger Bomb back inside the ring. Only a two. ROllins tries to catch Swagger with a sneaky schoolboy roll up, but Swagger rolls all the way through and picks the ankle. Swagger cinches in the Ankle Lock, but Rollins gets the rope break and rolls out of the ring.

Swagger follows and tries to regain the hold, on the floor... but the Stooges create a distraction, and Rollins attacks Swagger from behind. Tosses Swagger back into the ring, Curb Stomp, and we're done here.

Your WInner: Seth Rollins, via pinfall, in about 8 minutes. Serviceable, I guess, but nothing to sink your teeth into at all. Unless the goal was to tell the story "Team Cena has a weak link." In which case, mission accomplished.

After the Match: Rollins shoved the trainer aside and hit another Curb Stomp. Then he finally left. The trainer was checking on Swagger as if he was on the cusp of death... maybe the story is "Team Cena DOESN'T have a weak link, because Swagger's not gonna be able to make it?" I think I'd actually get behind that... that's how far Swagger's fallen, credibility-wise, since WWE shat the bed with him post-Rusev. Swagger just doesn't fit at this level.

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Pretaped Interview: After confirmation that Ambrose vs. Wyatt will happen at Survivor Series, we cut to a pretaped interview (many top stars aren't available tonight, because WWE was running a second, simultaneous show elsewhere in the UK). Dean Ambrose says that everything Bray Wyatt's said is true. Dean isn't quite right in the head, he's got his demons. But he doesn't apologize for any of it, because he never pretends he's the good guy. He's going to do horrible things to Bray Wyatt at Survivor Series, and he can't wait to find out if Wyatt's right about there being a special place in hell for him. Because he's expecting to see Bray there.

Backstage: Ryback is amping up for later tonight when Kane walks in and welcomes him to Team Authority... but along the way, he hits the wrong note when he tells Ryback it'll all be OK if he (Ryback) just follows his (Kane's) lead. Ryback didn't care for that one bit, but it only leads to a bit of prickly heat and a staredown before Kane walks off.

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PAIGE vs. ALICIA FOX

Alicia's the "babyface" here if you go by storytelling attempts by WWE. But England has spoken, and Paige is massively over as the real fan favorite, pragmatically speaking. The two just go ahead and roll with it... so Paige gets a quick flurry in, and then Alicia starts working an ultra-time-compressed heel beatdown.

Paige escapes a (insert hold here) and then wastes no time. InstaRamPaige, and it's over.

Your Winner: Paige, via pinfall, in 3 minutes flat. Other than getting to showcase Paige getting treated like a beloved conquering hero, there's really nothing to see here.

Backstage: Rusev and Lana are WALKING~! And they are intercepted by Stephanie McMahon, who wants to remind them of just how many strings she and HHH pulled to get Rusev that US Title match last week. And now, they're impressed by how Rusev took advantage of that opportunity and beat Sheamus to win said title. With that in mind, they're re-extending the invitation to Rusev to join Team Authority.

Lana says it's a complicated political matter, but.... you know. She's trying to brush Steph off. Steph will not be detered. Lana says "We'll consider it." But Steph will not be blown off, so instead, she blows up. "Consider this, you stuck up Russian twit......" Then she trails off when she notices the look on Rusev's face. She resumes, "Just remember. I scratch your back, you scratch mine." Steph leaves, and Lana and Rusev look like they'd rather not get involved, but know they're probably gonna have to, anyway.

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Coming Soon: Eggsavier Woods "A New Day" promo runs again. No new information.

Backstage: HHH and Steph are reviewing Vince's announcement from last week, and comparing notes... HHH is taking a more "What the hell is Vince's problem?" approach, but Steph is more sticking up for her dad, saying it's just how he is, demanding the best out of everyone around him. Hunter should know that from his 18 years working with Vince professionally, but SHE knows it from taking it from Vince her entire life, both professionally and personally.

Somehow, this leads to HHH getting all sweet and smoochy, saying everything will be OK as long as they have each other. When some random sentiment comes out of left field like that, one can only assume there's nothing random about it; it's merely the best the Writer Monkeys could come up with to introduce that HHH considers his marriage more important than his job, and wow, isn't that something that we all just care so much about?

THE KREMLIN KONGRATULATES RUSEV

Rusev and Lana hit the ring for a Kremlin Kongratulatory Keremony. First, Lana gets some cheap heat by reminding the English that if not for the Russians saving their hide in WWII, they'd all be speaking German today. Then she turns it over to an unnamed "government official" who reads a prepared statement, alleging that Vlad Putin is oh so proud of Rusev. Then he asks that all please rise for the playing of the Russian National Anthem.

We get about one verse into it, and then Sheamus' music kicks in, and he sprints to the ring. Apparently, he doesn't want to wait to get his US Title rematch started. But he'll have to. At least until after these....

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RUSEV (w/ Lana) vs. SHEAMUS (US Title Match)

Back, and they've waited for us. In fact, we get full boxing-style ring introductions by Lilian. Then and only then do we ring the bell and start.

Multiple tie-ups and whatnot, trying to figure out who's the stronger. It seems Rusev wins that little contest... so Sheamus goes to the brawling, and puts Rusev on his heels with the punchy-kicky. Rusev tries to roll outside to regroup, but Sheamus catches him and ties him up for the Ten of Clubs.

Well, Three of Clubs, then Rusev traps Sheamus' arm and headbutts his way out. The brawl continues on the outside, with Rusev hitting a fallaway slam onto the announce desk. Ouch. Back in the ring, he settles into a front facelock.

Sheamus manages to power out of that, but winds up getting caught with a modified Cobra Clutch. The obviously enthralled crowd begins chanting "We Want Lana." Sheamus powers out again, but gets flattened by a big dropkick. Rusev decides to gloat, rather than follow up, so we cut to some...

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Back, and Rusev is still pounding away on Sheamus. Lawler points out that the New Stooges are at ringside... I'd thought there were the two RUssian Diplomatic Douches, but he's right. So the back-scratching has begun?

Sheamus once again powers out of a hold, and Rusev once again puts him back down with a dropkick. Difference is that, this time, when Rusev tries to follow-up, Sheamus catches him with a big Irish Hammer. Ten of Clubs works, this time. Slingshot battering ram, for a two. But when Sheamus goes for a Cloverleaf, Rusev just hoists him up into a suplex.

A few more oves by Rusev, but when he goes for a slam, Sheamus reverses into White Noise. Gets a two. Both men slow to their feet. Sheamus up first, and goes for the Brogue Kick. But Rusev rolls out of the way. So Sheamus changes gears and hits a Battering Ram from the apron to the floor.

He also tosses Rusev into the barricade before tossing him back into the ring at the count of 7. As the ref bends over to check on Rusev, the Stooges attack Sheamus from behind. Sheamus turns and chases them back up the ramp... and then the ref makes it to 10.

Your Winner: Rusev, via count-out, in 10 minutes. Pretty much on par with their post-RAW match last week. Except with a cheaper finish. Decent enough, but nothing I'd suggest going out of your way to see.

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Backstage: Rusev and Lana are WALKING~! again. ANd Stephanie approaches then, again. She wants to know if they've reconsidered. Rusev gives a little nod, and so Lana says they accept, because it'll make Vladimir Putin so proud... Steph cuts her off right there. Because it doesn't matter what Putin thinks, it only matters what the Authority wants. And they want to "CRUSH~!" Team Cena.

Elsewhere Backstage: Ryback's still pumping up, and in walks Seth Rollins. Rollins basically repeats the same mistake that Kane made earlier. He tries to be all friendly and pep talk-y... but sneaks in more than one menton about being the "Team Captain." Ryback shoots him a death stare, but says something about teaching John Cena a lesson later toninght, which is heartening enough for Rollins. So he departs and Ryback goes back to bowflexing.

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LOS MATADORES (w/ El Torito) vs. MIZ & DAMIEN MIZDOW (w/ Mizzwoggle)

Yes, Hornswoggle is now part of the act. I guess it makes sense, he's in the new Leprechaun movie. Also, I guess the preferred nomenclature is "Mini Miz."

Matadores off to a hot start, as Sandow mirrors Miz on the apron and gets a "We Want Mizdow" chant. As soon as Miz gets control of things, he teases the fans, asking them if they REALLY want Sandow. They do.

So Miz just turns around and keeps putting the boots to a Matadore for a bit.

Then, he finally decides to tag Sandow in, and that gets a HUGE pop. So Miz immediately blind tags himself into the ring for a huge boo. The little delay allows for a tag to the other Matadore, who goes on a tear, until Mini-Miz tries to interfere.

El Torito counters that, but once the chaos is unleashed, the ref can't restore order... so Sandow is able to trip up the legal Matadore, and hold his foot down, while Miz lands on top and gets the three ount.

Your Winners: Miz and Sandow, via pinfall, in 5 mnutes or so. Sandow keeps on being awesome, and Miz keeps on figuring out new ways to come off as an even bigger jackwagon. It's pretty fun, unless you have no soul.

Backstage: John Cena approaches Dolph Ziggler, and it emerges that "Team Cena" is back down to just those two, because Swagger's out.

Cena says that, since Ziggler's got his own thing with the IC Title, he doesn't want to put him at any more risk than necessary. So Ziggler can walk away from Team Cena, no hard feelings. Ziggler says Hell No to that, and says if he backs out, that might be the short term solution, but the only way things get better in the long run is if he sticks and helps put the Authority out of power.

Cena loves it, and says that he'll totally have Dolph's back later tonight against Mark Henry and whoever else the Authority send out to the ring... and that's exactly when HHH pokes his head in and says, "Hey fellas, can't help but overhear about how you two are gonna be watching each other's back. Well, that's great and all, but make sure you do it from a distance. Because Cena, you are barred from ringside during Dolph's match. Which, by the way, is now next..."

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DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. MARK HENRY

Once again, Luke Harper's eyeball-themed "I'll put myself back together again with pieces of you" vignette interrupts Dolph's entrance. Same thing happened on Friday, so I'm guessing Harper's directly targeting Ziggler? I'll second that.

Ziggler ties his usual flashy stuff tos tart, but basically bounces off the much larger Henry, who just swats him away and pummels away. Henry gets a bearhug, which Ziggler semi-counters. I think it was supposed to look like a big spike DDT, but it mostly just looked ugly.

Both men slow to their feet, and then they both decide to head outside the ring. Ziggler whips Henry into the Timekeeper Cubicle, where Henry finds a steel chair. And uses it. Bad, Henry, bad.

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler, via disqualification, in 3 minutes. No match, just a story in which Henry didn't care about winning, he cared about thinning the Team Cena herd.

After the Match: Henry continued the attack for a bit, and set up to do the World's Strongest Slam onto the ring steps (it's what he did to Big Show last week), but Show, himself, comes to the rescue, breaking things up, and chucking the ring steps at Henry, causing Henry to run away from the ring.

Then, Big Show grabs a mic and reveals that he's joined Team Cena... that puts the team at 3. But remember, Team AUthority is now fully formed (Rollins/Kane/Henry/Rusev/Ryback), so it's still a pretty significant disadvantage.

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Coming Soon: It's all about the New Day, and Kofi Kingston wants a piece of it. Less James Brown, but Kofi still has a few words to say while standing in front of the gospel choir. He does a little call and response, confirming that every does, indeed, want a New Day.

Backstage: John Cena congratulates Big Show on doing what he (Cena) couldn't, and now their little team is coming together. Three down, two to go.... but then a voice, off-screen, says they only need to find one more. Fella. That's right, Sheamus saunters up and says he's onboard, too. Show declares "Business just picked up," and Cena is happy. Just gotta find one more guy as crazy as they are...

AJ LEE vs. BRIE BELLA (w/ Nikki) (Non-Title)

Pretty much straight into the "heel" beatdown, in which Nikki keeps encouraging Brie to be more vicious, but Brie is pretty reluctant to pile on any more than the rules allow. After about 2 minutes, that reluctance to charge AJ is enough of a delay for AJ to recover and catch inbound Brie in the Black Widow.

Your WInner: AJ, via submission, in 2 minutes. No match, all story. Nikki's bossing around Brie, Brie isn't totally into it, and then it costs Brie the match. Then Nikki sneak attacks AJ after the match, and badmouths Brie for losing because DRAMA~!

Backstage: Mark Henry approaches Ryback and says "Hey, Big Guy, you remember the time I whupped you at WrestleMania? *pregnantpause* Just joshing. Seriously, though, welcome to the team." The look on Ryback's face indicates he's less than amused by the joshing.

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ADAM ROSE (w/ The Menagerie of Hipster Wangnozzles) vs. TYSON KIDD

No Nattie (she's on the other house show, I guess). And I'm not the only one to notice... about 30 seconds into the match, Erick Rowan comes down to the ring, circles it, and then stops to mutter "She's not here" in a dejected voice.

Meantime, Rose powers up out of a resthold, and is playing to the crowd, when the Bunny decides to try to help out. Instead, Rose has to tell the Bunny to leave the ring, lest he cause a DQ. The Bunny does, but Kidd's had time to recover, and catches Rose with a flash Sharpshooter. Rose has to tap out.

Your Winner: Tyson Kidd, via submission, in 2 minutes. I can state, with authority, that this was a thing that happened.

After the Match: the Bunny plead for forgiveness, but got kicked in the gut by Rose, instead. Heel turn, completed.

Backstage: Team AUthority, minus Ryback, have gotten together, where Kane reveals that he's called them all here to talk about Ryback, because Kane doesn't think Ryback is much of a team player.

In walks Ryback, who's all "Talkin' 'bout me?" And HHH sees no reason to pretend they weren't. He says, "Tonight's not about being a team player for you, Ryback. OK? So it's all good. You just go out there and destroy John Cena, and don't worry about his little team. They're barred from ringside."

Ryback appreciates the candor. But then Steph goes off on a rant of her own, and it IS about teamwork. She feels like she's in charge of a bunch of kindergartners, all me me me. So let's get on the same page, and go out there tonight as a team.

Jesus, that's either a horrible mixed message by the writer monkeys, or more foreshadowing that HHH/Steph are doing the split-up gimmick that nobody's waiting for... either way, a loser is us.

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Friday on SmackDown: Chris Jericho returns to host the Highlight Reel, with the Authority as his guests.... uhhh, that's different. Earlier in the day, they actually announced Jericho teaming with Dean Ambrose to face Bray Wyatt and Kane for SmackDown. So at some point after RAW was taped, somebody changed his mind. I think I liked the first idea better.

[I do know that Jericho wrestled on the other house show tonight/today... my main hope is that this isn't Jericho getting injured in his match against Wyatt. I can be angry if WWE's just changing things around to make them worse. But I can only be sad if something bad happened to a guy I like.]

Previously Taped: Bray Wyatt with the counter-point to Ambrose's pre-tape (because split rosters). He talks about Ambrose owning up to his sins, then taunts him about how he learned it from his daddy, and now Ambrose thinks that's the only path for him. But it isn't. Ambrose can walk with Wyatt, and he'll be saved. Or he can turn away, and he will burn.

Later Tonight: a live "ECW Exposed" feature will air on the WWE Network immediately after RAW goes off the air. Joey Styles (contractually required to wear his glasses, when playing the role of "Voice of ECW" even though he never wears them in real life anymroe) is the host, and Paul Heyman will be the guest. Heyman is immediately contentious, saying they can ask whatever they want about the history of ECW, he's not obligated to incriminate himself. He may just plead the 5th. So don't watch, Paul's begging you.

In other words: I know exactly what I'm watching once RAW is done. If you have to wait an extra half hour to get this recap, so be it.

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JOHN CENA (w/ Nobody) vs. RYBACK (w/ Everybody)

Well, everybody except HHH and Steph, who are watching from backstage. But Rollins, Kane, Henry, Rusev, Lana, and the Stooges are all here.

Old school feeling out stuff to start, with Ryback winning the various feats of power. Cena tries to shift things towards chain wrestling, and is easily able to confound Ryback with that. Recognizing this area of deficiency, the crowd fires up a "GOOOOOOOOOLDberg" chant.

But then Ryback reasserts his strength advantage and throws Cena out of the ring, in front of his teammates. But they have to just stand back, cuz the ref is right there. So Ryback's forced to go out and put the boots to Cena, himself. Then, he tosses Cena's carcass back into the ring, and pauses to turn and taunt the crowd.

Immediately, Kane steps up and tells him to get his head in the game and get back into the ring. Now. Ryback waits a beat to show Kane he's not intimidated.... but ultimately, Kane's got the right idea, so Ryback does hop back up on the apron....

Only to have Cena bum rush him and shoulderblock him off the apron. And Ryback crashes right into Kane. Uh oh. Tempers flare, but Rollins gets all "captain-y" and talks sense to both of them as we break for...

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Back, and Cena's climbing to the top rope... but when he comes flying off, Ryback catches him and slams him. Follows up with a slingshot back suplex for a two count. Cena actually rolls out of the ring. Ryback seems willing to take the count-out, but Cena beats it, getting back in at 7. But Ryback just piles on with another suplex and another two count.

Ryback just keeps stomping away in rather, ummmm, methodical fashion. Orton may be gone to make a movie, but his spirit lives on! Ryback's next near fall comes after a Thesz Press/running splash combo. Then he decides it's time for Shellshock... Cena squirms out and hits a shoulderblock, but when he tries to come at Ryback a second time, he eats a powerslam. Then a military press slam for two.

The burst of motion leaves Ryback winded, so we end up with a double count. Ryback first up, and he starts taunting the crowd again. This makes Kane angry, but Ryback retains control leading up to a double-clutch powerbomb, for a near fall.

But then Ryback gets fancy, and tries to hit a Razor's Edge off the second rope... Cena escapes and immediately cinches in an SSTF. Ryback has plenty of energy left, and gets the rope break. A quick grapple, but Cena cinches it a second time. This time, Ryback just stands up, with Cena on his back... but he can't convert to the Shellshock, as Cena escapes.

Kane gets up on the apron, and Cena punches him off... but the distraction puts Ryback back in command, and he sets up for the Meathook.

Before he can hit it, Kane jumps into the ring and -- in a crime of passion -- attacks Cena, causing Ryback to be disqualified.

Your Winner: John Cena, via disqualification, in 15 minutes. Definitely dragged in spots, as you wouldn't normally ask Ryback to go 15 minutes, but hey, split roster... but also not entirely hateful, and it certain did an effective job of telling the necessary story. That story continued....

After the Match: Ryback confronted Kane, and didn't get the answer he wanted. So he attacked Kane. And the rest of Team Authority had no choice but to swarm and beat the shit out of Ryback.

Sheamus was first to try to make the save. It did not go well.

But then Big Show ran out, and on his way to the ring, he KO'd both Stooges, and did some damage before falling prey to a Curb Stomp.

That's when Ryback came to, and hopped in the ring. Thanks to Show's damage, he was able to finish the job, taking out Rollins and Kane. They played his music, as he left alone. Cena, now conscious after Kane's sneak attack, was slumped in a corner, not entirely sure what to make of this.

And if you're like me, you're wondering "Where was Ziggler?"... well, watch on, because we cut to....

Backstage: HHH and Steph are aghast at Ryback's insubordination, and are even MORE aghast when Dolph Ziggler's unconscious body flies into frame from behind them. Then, we pan back, and we see that the man who delivered Ziggler is Luke Harper, who simply says "I am a team player."

With HHH and Steph emoting a 50/50 mix of horror and gratitude -- sort of like how I always felt when the neighborhood cat who sometimes spent the night at our house would leave a dead squirrel on the front porch -- we fade to black...

And so ends the show. It was a show with nary a single instance of remarkable in-ring wrestling. Which is kind of like going out to a steakhouse and being told they're out of steak. So it comes down to whether or not you're in the mood for low-grade cow flesh (in the form of a cheeseburger; or low-grade ringwork, in the form of Rusev/Sheamus and Cena/Ryback) or for a giant platter of bloomin' onions and loaded baked potatos (or wrestling's form of appetizers and side dishes, without which the meal is incomplete, but which is never a meal on its own: the storyline side of things).

That's a pretty deep analogy, eh? There's a reason why I never soared to the same heights as Wade Keller.... I'm too damned clever for my own good, and write at a 43rd grade level. Oh well.

But to bring it back to the issue at hand: I'm never "in the mood for" a meal without a main entree. But if I happen to be served one, I'm capable of enjoying it as a once-in-a-while thing. So I didn't despise this RAW to any great degree.

I could get nitpicky with some problems in each individual segment, but the show really did a fine job of telling an overarching story in which both the Authority and Cena built up their teams for Survivor Series, and in which Ryback's loyalties were in doubt. With last week's TV strongly hinting at each side having four guys locked in, the red herring with Swagger and the swerve with Ryback really were solid in terms of making that a 3-hour story worth our whiles.

The final extra swerve, with Harper and Ziggler, also gets WWE some serious bonus points from me, as they went out of their way to do a final angle away from the live crowd (they never saw it, it was not part of spoilers) which was genuinely surprising. And a pretty cool reintroduction to Harper, to boot.

So taking a look at the big picture, the lack of really quality wrestling was a problem, but the storylines were handled pretty well. I'd probably go C-minus as my final grade, if not for that extra Luke Harper tag ending.

Add that in -- a good development on its own merits, and a clever bit of booking by WWE; I appreciate it both ways -- and let's be generous... C-plus.

See you next Monday, everybody...

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.