OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Happy Happy Joy Joy
November 24, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

While RAW was ongoing, the Grand Jury in Ferguson's decision came out. No charges. Not even involuntary manslaughter. And I guess suburban St. Louis is now a giant mess, and most other major cities are hosting slightly less violent protests.

I won't waste anyone's time with a whole big (and potentially polarizing) rant, here, but I find myself in much the same place as I did after the Trayvon Martin deal. I never quite managed to convince myself that the killer was a truly evil/racist person whose actions were premeditated, so I'd have felt it wrong if first-degree murder charges were handed down and they stuck.

But we're still talking about two men who killed another human being. This is still wrong, and I fail to comprehend how you don't do the lesser charges and at least try to make the case. A wrong was still committed; maybe it's not just to throw the book at the killer, but actions should still have consequences. Even if you're not a murderer, it's not OK to get a free pass after committing the crime of Having Shitty Judgment While Armed.

And if the issue is that grand juries didn't think charges would stick because of the way laws are written (e.g. "stand your ground" in Florida or whatever exemptions may apply to police), then I'd really hope that we could all get on the same page and channel our angst into changing shitty laws. When the chasm between what's apparently "legal" and what's FAIR is this deep, something is seriously wrong.

But it seems like the media kind of stops giving the issue attention once people stop rioting in the streets. So forget making meaningful changes, if you're not willing to keep lighting shit on fire till it gets done. D'oh.

Meantime, you came here because you would rather spend your Monday night thinking about wrestling, and not about the sad state of current events. Sorry; but with all of late night TV on vacation this week, I just know I'm gonna be stuck with this crap rolling around in my brain without an outlet or somebody making it OK to laugh about the more absurd elements of it. So rant I must.

Let's just put a muzzle on that and get you where you want to go. Here's what happened on the just-completed RAW:

Opening Video Package: instead of recapping Survivor Series, they open with a hype package for Sting. Enjoy it, because if my guess is right, it's the last you'll be seeing of him for a while, unless you sign up for The Network.

BYE BYE, AUTHORITY. WELCOME BACK, DANIEL BRYAN.

And then we're live inside the Not-Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, IN (birthplace of The Rick!), where the Authority are headed to the ring. We're told it's to deliver a Farewell Address.

Stephanie opens by acknowledging the unanimous negative reaction from the fans, and says she expects nothing less from the ingrates who never appreciated what the Authority did for them. Then she claims that they shouldn't be leaving power, and it's only because of one man, one outsider, who caused them to lose last night. She conveniently leaves out the part where the only reason they were on the cusp of victory last night is because of plenty of outside interference of their own, including Triple H, the New Stooges, and a crooked ref.

But in the end, it's all OK. They still have their corporate jobs, and they still have their family, and they'll still have rich, fulfilling lives.... and then her voice cracks and she almost starts crying, because obviously, it's NOT all OK.

Triple H consoles her, and gooses the crowd into admitting that, yes, they DO love this. But what they won't love is the chaos that will now reign. Who out there has the ability to run this ship? Not Cena. Not Ziggler. Not Sting... no especially not Sting, who appeared last night to try to make his career relevant by finally standing in a WWE ring, but all he accomplished is making sure WWE goes out of business.

HHH gives it 2, maybe 3 months, because there's nobody out there qualified to do the job that they did. This is demonstrable horseshit, but he's all wound up, so he does a full 2 or 3 minute rant about how the ship is sinking and nobody can save it. So go ahead, cheer, have your fun... but when WWE goes down in flames, you'll all be BEGGING them to come back.

And with that, HHH and Steph are poised to leave. But they are interrupted by "Flight of the Valkyries." Yep, Daniel Bryan is here.

He YESses his way to the ring, with a giant smile on his face, and gets right in HHH's face with more YESsing. When they to walk away, Bryan shadows him all the way up the ramp, and keeps YESsing right in their faces. He's clearly enjoying the end of the Authority as much as the rest of us.

But why is he here? Is he back to compete? Is he now in charge? Cole & The Gang don't know, but they figure he'll have something to say after these....

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BYE BYE, AUTHORITY. WELCOME BACK, DANIEL BRYAN. (con't)

Back, and Bryan has, in fact, grabbed a mic, and is ready to fill us in on what he's doing here. And the first thing he says is that, for tonight, he's been put in control of running RAW. It's only for tonight, but he's gonna have some fun with it, starting with Team Authority, who let down Hunter and Steph... he calls for them to come on down to the ring.

So with Rollins leading the way, Kane, Rusev, Harper, and Henry (and the New Stooges) come out on the stage.

Bryan says he's not a vindictive guy, like HHH and Steph, so he's not gonna strip anyone of their titles or otherwise ruin their careers. He's just gonna give them an opportunity to prove that they're not losers, like they seemed to be last night.

For starters, he's gonna put Seth Rollins in a 3-on-2 Handicap Match against John Cena and Dolph Ziggler... you know, just like he'd gotten used to, thanks to the Authority. Rollins smells a rat, and tries to speak up, but there's a momentary issue with his mic, which is cause for hilarity when Rollins blames it on Bryan, and Bryan takes credit for it.

But Rollins finally gets to make his point, which is that he knows Bryan is up to no good, so just go ahead and spill it, you're making me team with Hornswoggle and Torito, aren't you? Nope, Bryan says HE's not picking... the WWE Universe is. Bryan's just gonna give them three choices.

Luke Harper and Rusev. Or Kane and Mark Henry. Or, yep, you guessed it: the New Stooges, Jamie and Joey. And the voting starts right now... Rollins storms off, and takes the Stooges with him.

Bryan moves on to Kane, his old buddy. "If only Dr. Shelby could see us, now..." Bryan says he's not entirely sure that Kane should remain as Director of Operations. He conducts a straw poll, and the audience agrees. So Bryan declares that, for tonight, Kane is Director of Food and Beverages, and instead of Korporate Kane, he shall be known as Koncessions Kane. He's presented with a tray of drinks and popcorn, and Bryan sends him out among the people to sell them... and a threat that if he doesn't make quota, there will be hell to pay.

Onto Rusev... Bryan is sick and tired of he and Lana spewing their anti-America rhetoric, so tonight, they have a choice: Rusev defends the US Title in an Open Battle Royale, against any and all comers, where he has to survive the entire match to retain his belt. Or he and Lana can recite the American Pledge of Allegiance, right here, in the middle of the ring. Rusev is livid, and storms off with Lana to make their decision.

Luke Harper is next. Since he's the new IC Champ, Bryan figures he ought to defend that title tonight. Against whom? How about Dean Ambrose... and now it's Harper's turn to storm off in anger while the crowd eats it up.

Henry tries to sneak off, too, but Bryan calls him back, and says he bumped into somebody earlier today, and that person asked for a favor: a match against Henry. So Bryan said YES, because it's kind of his thing. That man is Ryback. And that match is NOW.

Ryback runs out and attacks Henry in the aisle. A ref runs out, too, to restore order, and the match will officially begin after an ad break.

A glance at the clock reveals that the show is 31 minutes old. All talking, no action. And you know what? I loved every second of it. Very effective and entertaining; Bryan was a big awesome surprise, and now, the whole show is laid out for us.

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RYBACK vs. MARK HENRY

So we return, and the bell rings, and it takes all of 45 secons for Ryback to take advantage of his jumpstart, and hit the Shellshock.

Your Winner: Ryback, via pinfall, in a minute flat. Well, if the goal is to make sure Ryback's momentum isn't stalled out by being first eliminated on his team last night, this is probably as good a way to do it is any.

Backstage: HHH and Steph are walking, and arrive at their limo... and up walks Vince. Stephanie gets all apologetic, but Vince is having none of it. He says, I'm not even angry, I'm just disappointed in you. Sure, I put a huge task in front of you, but if you're last name is McMahon, you can overcome anything. But they didn't. He shames them even more by saying the only thing more disappointing than their work last night is the thought of spending Thanksgiving with them. Ooohhh, snap.

Vince ushers them into the limo (HHH shoots him a dirty look, but says nothing), and then gets in himself. Then the limo departs. End of McMahon Drama for tonight. This is a good thing.

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LUKE HARPER vs. DEAN AMBROSE (IC Title Match)

Despite the on-going, over-arching storyline, no Bray Wyatt, at least, not to start. Harper stays solo.

Full boxing-style ring intros by Lilian, and then we're off. Circling and a staredown to start, and when they finally lock up, Harper powers Ambrose back into a corner and generally controls the early brawling.

Ambrose finally gets a bit of offense in by catching Harper with a drop toehold. Follows up with a jawjacker elbow, then a plancha. With both guys in a heap outside the ring, we break for...

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Back, and Harper's working a chinlock, because that's what heels do when RAW returns from an ad break. And there might be a secondary reason for cooling things down, as the audience seems preoccupied with something happening out in the crowd...

But Harper finally decides to get a little less Orton-y, and his offense gets more kinetic. The audience's attention returns, in the form of a "Let's Go, Ambrose" chant. But at least a few fans respond to that by chanting "HARP HER" after Luke hits his Gator Roll.

When the match spills outside, Harper shoots Ambrose into the ringside barricade... but when he tries to toss Ambrose back into the ring, Ambrose counters by doing a variant of his Rebound Clothesline. Neat.

It serves as the start of his comeback, which nets him his first near fall off a big crossbody. For a follow-up, he hits the rope-assist dropkick/guillotine legdrop combo. Only gets a two count. But whenhe goes for the same rope assist dropkick, Harper escapes and catches him with a sidewalk slam, instead. Two count.

Powerbomb attempt, Ambrose escapes. Clothesline attempt, Ambrose ducks and turns it into a backslide, for a two count. Ambrose goes up top, Harper catches him. The two jockey for position. Harper wants a superplex. Ambrose headbutts out of it, and hits the standing elbow drop (same as last night). Two count.

Double reversey, and Harper hits a big boot. Two count. Harper shoulderblocks Ambrose. Ambrose comes back with the most standard version of the Rebound Clothesline. Harper rolls out of the ring, and decides he'll just walk out to save the title. Ambrose hits a Flying Goat Dive, and throws Harper back into the ring.

When Ambrose picks up Harper, Harper throws Ambrose into the referee... and the ref calls for the bell.

Your Winner: ummmm, I'm actually not sure. The ref might have thought Ambrose attacked him, but he also might have seen Harper throw Ambrose. Either way, the result is the same: Luke Harper retains the IC Title after a 12 minute match. Slow to start, but pretty good towards the end.

After the Match: Ambrose was intent on getting some satisfaction, so he grabbed a chair and hit a double-arm DDT onto it. As the crowd egged him on, he went under the ring for more toys. Ambrose got both a ladder and a table... and all of a sudden, Bray Wyatt swooped in and attacked from behind.

By the time Wyatt was done, Ambrose was left, unconscious, under a pile of furniture and equipment, behind the announce table. Looks like Bray's just as ready to have fun with props in a TLC Match as Ambrose is...

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A New Day: the Big E promo, from last week, is replayed.

YOU MIGHT BE A MORON IF...

Lilian introduces the stars of "Jingle All the Way 2," Larry the Cable Guy and Santino Marella. When Larry comes out in a wrestling mask, talking about going "all Uncle Elmer" on somebody, he gets a smattering of laughs, and a larger smattering of boos, because he sucks.

Santino gets a warmer reception when he says how much he's missed all of us. Awww, the feeling is mutual.

Then some shtick ensues, in which Santino castigates Larry for thinking he would be wrestling. Wrestling takes training. So instead Larry makes a few shitty jokes about how he once fought "Savage." Turns out, it's Fred Savage. Also, Stone Cold Creamery something something. Because he's fat. Get it?

Then the Dust Brothers' music hits, and they come out. Larry freaks out, and scurries away, apparently taking Santino with him.

The Dust Brothers continue on to the ring, and apparently they'll be in action, after these....

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MIZ & DAMIEN SANDOW vs. THE DUST BROTHERS (Tag Team Title Match)

Miz enters, carrying both tag title belts... but Sandow has made his own "stunt titles," and so he has two construction-paper-and-tin-foil belts of his own. Awesome.

Lilian does the full-on boxing intros again, adding an extra pause between Miz and Sandow's introductions so the fans can make sure to register their full boos, then cheers.

Bell rings, and Goldust takes control on Miz, and Sandow gets the first big pop of the match when he mirrors Miz's getting inverted Atomic'd. Owwww, his balls! Goldust is momentarily distracted by the silliness, but quickly regains control.

Miz is actually genuinely motivated to make a tag, but now it's the Dust Brothers who foil things. So Sandow remains on the apron, much to the dismay of the fans, while Miz is our "face" in peril. When Stardust throws Miz out of the ring and to the floor, Sandow follows. With both guys down, and with the challengers standing tall in the ring, we break for....

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Back, and we return to see Miz and Stardust trading punches... then, after an Irish Whip, they crack heads. Both guys down, ref applies the double count. Miz gets to his feet first, and gets the hot tag to Sandow.

Sandow gets all of one move in before Goldust ccreates a distraction, and allows Stardust to strike from behind. Just like that, Sandow's on defense.

Meantime, outside the ring, Miz is staying down, with a trainer hovering over him, gesturing (Broadly) that there's something wrong with the Moneymaker. Uh oh.

After 2 or 3 minutes, Sandow's actually able to get separation, and gets to his corner... Miz is still down on the floor, so Sandow's hung out to dry. The heel beatdown continues.

When Sandow fires up a second time, he doesn't bother going for the tag... he takes care of business on his own, rallying and eventually cinching in the Figure Four on Stardust. Goldust has to come in for the save. Sandow chucks him out of the ring and turns his attention back to Stardust. Sandow actually goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but in the middle of an exchange, Miz pops up and blind tags himself into the match.

As Stardust remains focused on Sandow, Miz sneaks up and hits the SKF to score the pinfall, after Sandow did all the heavy lifting.

Your Winners: Miz and Damien Sandow, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Decent action, better story. It'll be interesting to see who emerges as #1 Contenders now that the Dust Brothers' obligatory rematch is done. My gut feeling was that it'd have to be a babyface team, but after this display, I think you can get away with heel challengers. Sandow's just that hot, right now.

After the Match: the champs did the same celebration gimmick as last night. When Miz celebrated by holding up both belts, the crowd boos like mad. When Sandow mirrors him -- holding up the "stunt belts" -- the crowd cheers wildly.

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On the Concourse: Koncessions Kane is working a concessions stand when his manager storms in and gives a big speech about how his new job is chips and he better do it right and if any inventory goes missing it's coming out of his paycheck and yadda yadda yadda... the woman definitely has the Bitch Dial turned all the way up to 11.

Kane has no choice but to take it. Which he does, only registering a disgusted eyeball roll once she leaves.

USA! USA! USA?

Rusev and Lana hit the ring. Lana says she can't believe that a country so obsessed with freedom would force its will on them like this. Then Rusev says something in not-English, finishing in English with what amounts to "Screw this noise, we're leaving."

Daniel Bryan pops up on the TitanTron, and says "Not so fast." If they don't recite the Pledge of Allegiance, then the US Title is up for grabs in a Battle Royale. The choice is theirs... but just in case the issue here is a language barrier, Bryan has arranged for someone to coach them through the Pledge.

Enter Sgt. Slaughter. And a giant American Flag unfurls from the rafters.

Sarge calls them to attention, and starts feeding them lines. Lana actually decides to take one for the team, and recites.... but she only gets through "I pledge allegiance to the flag," before Rusev puts his hand on her mic and stops her from continuing.

Rusev sends Lana out of the ring, and starts staring bullets at Slaughter. Apparently, he will send a message to Bryan and America by kicking Slaughter's ass. Sarge is backing into a corner... and here's Jack Swagger to the resuce.

Swagger gets a few shots in on Rusev, and goes for the Patriot Act. Rusev beats a hasty retreat... and nobody stops him. I guess we're not getting that Battle Royale? From the sounds of Cole & The Gang, Lana's one line of the Pledge is adequate humiliation.... I disagree, but whatever...

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On the Concourse: Kane is having trouble operating the cash register, so he just starts giving stuff away. We pull back to see Santino and Larry are in line. Larry's still a bit freaked out, so tells Santino to order for him. Santino asks for a hot dog, extra mustard. Kane responds by squirting Santino with mustard, and then handing Larry a hot dog, saying "Big fan."

I always forget Glen Jacobs is from Tennessee. Poor guy, I guess this is a citizenship requirement, or something...

JUSTIN GABRIEL vs. FANDANGO (w/ Rosa)

Essentially a replay from last night, except Fandango's shirt is black, instead of white. And the crowd -- a vocal minority of them, anyway -- seem intent on spoiling Fandango's newfound gravitas by singing his old theme song at him.

Your Winner: Fandango, via pinfall, in 2 minutes. Like I said, basically a carbon copy of last night, meant to showcase Fandango's new, slightly less ridiculous/flamboyant persona. Mission accomplished. I'll refrain from saying much more, so that Pyro can have the honor of painting his own word picture on Friday... I suspect it'll be substantially more comprehensive than anything I'd come up with.

Backstage: Big Show is WALKING~! Presumably towards the ring. What will the Big Traitor have to say? We won't know until after these...

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BIG SHOW: MASTER THESPIAN

Big Show heads out to the ring, and he's all friendly and smiling... so apparently he doesn't necessarily view himself as a mean, nasty traitor. The boos that greet him suggest he's in the minority.

But he doesn't see it that way. He doesn't understand why everybody's on his case, calling him a "bad guy." He's not. Honest. He's a human being, who just made a mistake. And let he who is without sin, and so forth...

And then.... uh oh, Show starts craking. WEEPY BITCH SHOW ALERT~!

On the brink of tears, Show reminds us that the Authority had already taken his job once in the past year, and he just couldn't stand to suffer all that again. He's strong, physically, but that's a unique medical condition. But on the inside, he's just the same as all of us, with the same fears and concerns. Oy, I sure hope this is all an act, like when Mark Henry fooled us all, because man alive do I ever not like Weepy Bitch Show...

But Show keeps going in the same vein, stating his case, and eventually asking for forgiveness. The crowd just boos him. He swears if he had it to do over again, he'd have made a different decision. Still boos. Now, thankfully, Show gets less weepy and more angry, saying that he's put his body on the line for the fans for 20 years, and the least they can do is give him a mulligan on this one.

More boos, and a "You sold out" chant. Now, he shifts into full Super Angry Mode... he snarls "I am not a traitor. I'm the Big Show, and I deserve respect, dammit." And it's one thing for the fans to disrespect him... at least they're booing him to his face. But not one person backstage has said anything to him, even though they're all whispering behind his back. So Show issues a challenge: if somebody back there has something to say, come out here and say it to his face.

Here comes Erick Rowan. Rowan? Yep. Show's just as confused as the rest of us, and starts mocking Rowan for being nobody, a nothing, who has no business lecturing a legend. Rowan has a moment of doubt, but then decides to remove the Sheep Mask and grabs the mic out of Show's hand.

"I don't like bullies." Then he jumps Big Show with a few punches and a spin kick that sends Show out over the top rope. Show decides to back off, while Rowan stands tall. There's an actual "ERR RICK ROW WAN" chant, even.

Huh. I thought I had things figured out in terms of Cena vs. Show and Rowan vs. Harper at the next PPV.... but Rowan vs. Show is definitely on, now. Interesting. Harper's gonna be OK, no matter what, but Rowan's gonna be more of a project. This seems to indicate that the company's willing to put in the work. Good segment after the rocky start.

Backstage: the New Stooges -- I guess we should call them J&J Security, cuz WWE is -- are totally stoked, and if they win the fan vote, they think it'll be just like The Shield 2.0. But Seth is not sold, and says the two don't quite measure up (he does so while apparently standing on a box, and is towering over Jamie and Joey, despite only really being a couple inches taller than them).

Then, Dolph Ziggler saunters into the frame, and says he just told his massive army of twitter followers to vote for J&J. Noble and Mercury are all "Wow, cool, thanks," because they are clueless. Rollins just rolls his eyes.

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AJ LEE vs. BRIE BELLA (w/ Nikki)

Brie's still outwardly happy and smilely, but remember, this is the last night she is Nikki's slave, so she's just playing run-out-the-clock. AJ has a few prematch comments, saying that Nikki's succeeded in turning her life's work into a shiny accessory. And Brie's succeeded in proving she's an even bigger skank than her sister. Zing.

AJ channels her energies into decimating Brie, but as soon as Nikki creates a distraction, Brie is more than happy to take advantage. She takes control. A few minutes of that, and AJ fires up. She gets a near fall off a Shining Wizard, but when she tries to follow up, there's a sloppy bit where Brie backs her into the ropes, and while the ref is chastising Brie, Nikki clotheslines AJ over the top rope.

Brie gets the quick roll-up.

Your Winner: Brie Bella, via pinfall, in 3 minutes. I can state, with authority, that this is a thing that happened.

After the Match: AJ grabs the mic, again. This time, she says that it took two Bellas to beat one AJ. But both Bellas combined aren't even half the woman AJ is. So enjoy that title while you can, because reality has a way of catching up with you, and the Bellas are eventually gonna discover that "Talent is not sexually transmitted."

Now THAT is a zinger. And she zang it on a night when Bryan's actually here, in person. Hmmmmm....

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ADAM ROSE & THE BUNNY vs. TYSON KIDD & NATALYA (Interspecies Tag Match)

Santino and Larry are sitting in on commentary. When the Bunny decides to stop by and dance with them during ring entrances, Rose gets pissy, and pulls the Bunny away, and forces the Bunny tos tart the match.

Tyson's the victim of multiple comedy spots, before finally hitting a wicked kick to the "face." When Kidd tags Nattie in, she takes pity on the Bunny, which makes Kidd angry. So Kidd tags himself back in, and wants to continue the assault... but the Bunny manages to evade him and makes the tag to Rose.

Rose comes in and rattles off a flurry of moves, and then whispers something into the Bunny's ear. The Bunny nods, and drops down to the floor. Rose whips Kidd into the ropes.... but Kidd reverses it, so Rose goes into the ropes, and when the Bunny reaches back (blind), he accidentally trips up Rose, instead of Kidd.

Kidd hits a quick roll-up, and that's that. Rose is furious at the Bunny, but just sits in the ring and seethes for the time being.

Your Winners: Tyson Kidd and Natalya, via pinfall, in 2 minutes. Whee.

Backstage: Ryback's wandering the halls, and Renee Young wants a quick word. Ryback confirms that he did, in fact, enjoy beating the crap out of Mark Henry. But now, he's still hungry and wonders if Renee might direct him to the nearest concession area where he may be fed more. She kinda shrugs, but Ryback walks off, apparently confident that he'll find what he's looking for on his own...

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A New Day is Coming: the fourth, and presumably final, vignette. It adds nothing really new to our understanding, but finally features all three guys -- Kofi, Big E, and Eggsavier Woods -- together at the same time.

On the Concourse: Kane is working his stand, when Ryback storms up and demands to be fed. He orders tuna fish and a protein shake and extra protein and some other crap. Kane just smirks and says "We're outta that. So here, have a hot dog." He throws a hot dog in Ryback's face. Ryback responds by shoving the rolling counter into Kane, backing him up against the wall. Kane suffers various ketchup and mustard related indignities before he's finally able to extricate himself. As Kane walks away, Ryback grabs a bag of peanuts and says, "Hey, Kane. You forgot your nuts."

Backstage: Renee Young is standing by with John Cena and Dolph Ziggler. Cena talks about how monumental it is that the Authority are gone, and seems to graciously shoot it over to Dolph (but somehow, it came off almost patronizingly gracious, if that's even a thing), so Dolph could take credit for his remarkable work last night. Ziggler also gives credit to Sting for the assist. Cena tags it by talking about how it's a great day to be a WWE superstar, and now he and Ziggler are gonna go out and put a cherry on the sundae.

I can't overstate the odd vibe I felt that Cena was not just deferential to Ziggler, but maybe OVERLY deferential... I don't know if that's just Cena sincerely wanting to do everything he could to give Dolph the rub, or if it's supposed to come off as over-the-top, perhaps foreshadowing something.

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JOHN CENA & DOLPH ZIGGER vs. SETH ROLLINS, JAMIE NOBLE, AND JOEY MERCURY

Yes, the New Stooges won with 93% of the vote. Duh. Daniel Bryan even makes a final cameo to announce them as the winners and to rub it in Rollin's face. [Bryan refrains from responding to AJ implying that the Bellas have slept their way to the top, despite a dearth of ability.]

Noble and Mercury head to the ring, and are gonna work wearing dress slacks and shirts. Noble insists on starting... when Cena whips Noble into the ropes, Mercury comes in to try to lend a hand, and somehow ends up doing a criss-cross with Noble, while Cena stands back and chuckles. J & J eventually collide in the middle of the ring, and Rollins calls them outside the ring to regroup, while the rest of us enjoy a good hard belly laugh at the expense of the New Stooges.

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Back, and somehow the heels have taken over. Cena's backed into the enemy corner, and taking heavy damage... but when Noble tries a corner charge, Cena dodges, and Noble eats the ring post. Cena makes the tag to Ziggler.

Dolph gets a few shots in, but then Mercury distracts the ref, and Rollins attacks Ziggler from behind. From there, one of the heels keeps the ref occupied, while the other two pull off all kinds of naughty illegal moves. Ziggler is once again excelling at the ultra-sympathetic babyface in peril.

Finally, Dolph's able to hit a standing dropkick out of nowhere, and makes the tag to Cena.

Cena's house o' fire rally gets about 80% boos from the live crowd, at least, so long as he's beating up Noble and Mercury. The ratio gets a little better when Rollins is involved... which isn't for long. Rollins realizes J & J are boobs, so he bails out in the middle of a Pier Fiver.

Cena and Ziggler hit simultaneous F-U-and-Zig-Zag on the Stooges, and then score the double pinfall. Yay!

Your WInners: John Cena and Dolph Ziggler, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. A little light on steak, but still enough sizzle to be a lot of fun.

After the Match: Rollins throws up his hands, and backs away... so Daniel Bryan runs out and throws him back into the ring. F-U, Zig Zag, and now everybody's happy.

The three are celebrating while Bryan's music plays, and then.....

The lights blink and the txt msg notification plays. Somehow, the Anonymous RAW GM Podium has appeared next to the announce table. Cole takes his headset off, and announces that he's received a message from the Anonymous RAW General Manager.

He goes over to the lap top and says, "Tonight was all fun and games, but the WWE Universe will be back in capable hands next Monday. Cyber Monday. Law and order will be restored." As everybody (including Cole) looks increasingly confused-yet-amused, the notification chime just starts playing over and over on an infinite loop as we fade to black.

And so ends the show. And first things first: the "anonymous" RAW GM is Hornswoggle. That's canon, it happened. So while I'm happy to keep kicking the can down the road for a bit, with weekly interim GMs, I don't get why this one gets a revivle. If the ARGM had "died" the night Edge freaked out on the laptop, then that would have been fine... but in the end, they did the thing with Hornswoggle. Done bun can't be undone.

But besides that: fun show. I suspect a few might be annoyed that Sting didn't do anything, but I warned you all about that; if you didn't adjust your expectations accordingly, that's your problem. And while they didn't deliver on the for-real new boss/authority figure, I'm willing to suspend my disbelief enough to enjoy a month or so of rotating GMs, without asking "But if a different person is in charge every week, who's in charge of deciding who's in charge, and aren't they REALLY in charge?"

After ARGM gets its week, I mostly just want William Regal to get a shot (his GM chops are ready, since he's GM'ing NXT as we speak), and then Commish Foley for a week (ideally, as close to Christmas as possible, because Santa). Then it will have run its course, and I'll be ready for the New Year's RAW to feature the final big reveal of the new boss.

But I digress. Back to tonight, which was a fun show. More of a feel-good type of night, piggybacking on the end of HHH and Steph, and without as much "episodic" storyline progress. Other than Big Show and Rowan, nothing new was set up, and segments just existed for the members of Team Cena to do good, while the members of Team Authority were screwed. Not a whole lot actually happened, though.

It just kept happening in a very entertaining way. No four-star bell-to-bell action, or anything... but pretty much rock solid work done servicing CHARACTERS, if not storylines. Highlights were probably the IC Match (which had the advantage of playing off an existing storyline; Ambrose vs. Wyatt is the only match set for the next PPV in 3 weeks) and the tag title match (which did a great job of presenting Miz and Sandow), with Bryan's surprise appearance as the outstanding non-match element of the night.

We'll need to get down to business next Monday, with TLC coming up fast, and hopefully WWE will be able to effectively craft the card even though authority is rotating on a weekly basis and nobody really has the clout to book PPV matches. Or so it seems, at this point.

If we're not getting Lesnar/Cena (and it doesn't look like we are), there's a LOT of work to be done on that PPV card. Ambrose/Wyatt is nice as a semi-maine vent, but it can't carry the whole show. And Show/Rowan is the only other thing that seems likely at this point, which ain't exactly a world beater. My hope remains that Rollins has a target on his back for being the "captain" of the losing team, and it results in him having to put the MitB Briefcase on the line... Rollins/Ziggler Ladder Match, anyone? I thought so...

But who knows if that's in the cards. We won't know for at least another week. Until then, I feel pretty good about handing out a grade of B for tonight's show.

See you next week, all...

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.