OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Old Men Rule~!
January 19, 2015

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

So since I'm superstitious, let's open this recap the same way we have for the last 3 weeks or so... with me providing you with an update on the up and coming national darlings of college hoops, the University of Dayton Flyers.

For starters, we're up to 7 scholarship players! WHOO HOO, right?

Not so much. It's not like we got a new D-I caliber player. We just decided to give one of our walk-ons a scholarship for this semester. Granted, he's provided a lot more than what I expected (which was "5 fouls per game"), but it's still not exactly a real change in the Flyers' overall situation.

We're six real scholarship players and one walk-on deep. And we're undefeated since our only two post players got kicked out of school and our back-up point guard was sidelined for the season with concussion issues.

As such, the national press has started to get on the UD bandwagon. Check out THIS. And THIS. The Flyers are also now ranked #22 in both polls, and remain a top 25 RPI team, too.

Of course, now that I mention it, it's all probably gonna come crashing down in less than 24 hours. Tomorrow night (televised nationally on CBS Sports), the Flyers go on the road to face the A-10's second best team. I'm not sure what the Vegas line is, but I suspect we'll be a 4 or 5 point underdog. We'll probably lose; I'm steeled for it. But if we win, hey, not only does it provide a glimmer of joy in my currently miserable Texas Relocation... it'll just enhance the Flyers' lovability on the national level.

My fingers are crossed. But I'm sure y'all have started prepping your middle fingers, due to my extensive rambling. So here's what you came for.... this is what happened on the just-completed RAW Reunion:

Why You Didn't Go To Work Today: It's Martin Luther King Day, and WWE takes a moment to pay homage.

Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc., and we're live in Dallas, TX, all of 25 or so miles away from my present locale in Ft. Worth. Unfortunately, I couldn't attend in person, because the second phase of my Texas Relocation has begun. My mom's gone, and I'm flying solo... and my brother is still in pretty bad shape in terms of his brain injury (all disjointed, lacking short term memory, and easily confused/freaked out), so I really won't feel good about leaving the hospital until his overnight "sitter" gets in at 7pm.

But I digress... and since WWE's wasting no time toninght, I better get back on track, because Brock Lesnar is already on his way to the ring.

THE WRITERS GET WRITERY

Lesnar and Paul Heyman get to the ring, and Heyman seems content to open with his usual "My name is..." spiel. But instead, "My name is" is all he gets out of his mouth before Lesnar snatches the mic away and says, "No talking, I'm here to fight."

When Heyman acts confused, Lesnar makes sure he's clear: Seth Rollins thinks he's a big man after curb stomping Brock last week, but now, it's time to pay the bill. Lesnar wants Rollins in the ring, and he wants him now.

Instead, he gets Motorhead, and Triple H coming down to the ring.

HHH grabs a mic, and says he understands Lesnar's frustration, but you gotta look at the bigger picture... Rollins is a proud man and a tenacious fighter, and Lesnar disrespected him last Monday. Rollins' actions are kinda understandable when you look at it that way.

Brock says, "I'm done talking. If you're not here to fight, you'd better get out of my ring." Heyman tries to smooth things over, telling Brock it's better not to piss off the guy who signs your checks.

But Brock's still champing at the bit. So Stephanie McMahon, flanked by Big Show and Kane, comes on down and tries to talk Lesnar down. Since Brock's not the sort to hit a woman, it kinda works.

That's when Seth Rollins pops up on the TitanTron to re-rile-up the Beast. He says he'll come on down to the ring... but not now, at the Royal Rumble, and Brock will see him in the flesh, just moments before Seth beats him and wins the WWE Title.

At that, Heyman re-disses Rollins, saying he should go away, because this is the grown-ups table. It's more of the dismissive attitude that Lesnar displayed last week.

Once Heyman wraps up, there's only one more party to hear from... so here he comes, it's John Cena.

He proceeds to be So Very Cena, with cheesy, phoney dialogue that references his "fire," so he can close with an alleged punchline in which he calls the Authority "ash holes." Ugh.

Steph sees his phoney, ham-fisted dialogue and raises him by saying, "Speaking of fire, you're solely responsible for three men being fired." FEEL THE WRITING~! Somewhere, some keyboard monkey is under the delusion that this was clever.

But it provides Cena with the chance to demand a new stip for the Rumble... if he wins the WWE Title on Sunday, Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, and Erick Rowan all get their jobs back.

HHH ponders it, and even asks the fans if they want that. They do. So HHH offers a compromise... all he needs is for Cena to put something on the line.

Cena immediately says whatever it is, he'll do it.

So HHH says there will be a match TONIGHT, and if Cena wins, all three get their jobs back. But if Cena loses, he's out of the Royal Rumble title match.

Cena still seems amenable, but Steph starts talking, asking him to stop and think about it. Is it really worth it?

Cena STILL wants to do it, but HHH says, "That's not for you to answer. It's for THEM to answer." He gestures (Broadly, as is the finest form of gesturing) to the fans. There will be a vote on the WWE App, and the fans decide whether Cena should risk his WWE Title shot to save 3 jobs.

Play the Authority's music, as the segment closes with Cole & The Gang reminding us how to operate our mobile devices.

The dialogue once Cena started talking was terrible. The stuff before that, focusing on Lesnar/Rollins was intriguing... but then it just got very convoluted and silly. Not just the ham-fistedness of it all, but also the whole closing notion of the fans voting yes or no on Cena having a match later tonight. How is that even a thing? What's the logic here? How is voting for "no main event" supposed to be appealing to anybody?

But if WWE thinks that spending an hour last Monday doing video packages about the "rumor" that Randy Savage was being inducted into the Hall of Fame before finally showing the "official" video package where it happened, then it probably makes perfect sense to add another phoney layer of nonsensical drama here, pretending like that Cena match isn't gonna happen.

[ads]

DANIEL BRYAN vs. BRAY WYATT

Match starts, and the conspiracy theories start flying that the Authority put Bryan into this match to soften him up before his match on SmackDown (against Kane; if he loses, he's out of the Rumble match).

As if on cue, Kane's music hits, and he comes out onto the stage about 90 seconds into the match. As Bryan stares up at Kane, the director decides we've already had 3 whole minutes of content, so we must break for....

[ads]

Back, and Bryan's taking it to Wyatt for a few moments... but as soon as he goes up to the second rope, Wyatt manages to knock his leg out, and Bryan tumbles all the way to the floor.

Wyatt follows, and continues the assault around ringside, including past the announce table, where we see that Kane has decided to come on down and take a seat in between the announcers and the timekeeper cubicle.

Then Bray takes it back into the ring, and starts working a chinlock... Bryan fires up out of it, but Wyatt ducks a clothesline, and on the rebound, he levels Bryan with his low crossbody tackle.

Wyatt resumes the more methodical offense, punctuating the restholds with stomps and headbutts. When Bryan fires up again, Bray just KILLS him with the sickest clothesline I've seen in a while.

Bryan rolls out of the ring, and this time, we got 4 whole minutes of uninterrupted action, so we cut to more...

[ads]

Back, and we return just in time to see Wyatt get a near fall. All break long, Wyatt followed up on the clothesline by working on Bryan's SURGICALLY REPAIRED~! neck.

But after the near fall, Bray taunts the crowd, and Bryan's able to counter his next attack and hit a clothesline of his own. Corner drop kick. Top rope rana for a HUGE pop and his first near fall of the match.

And then, the YES! Kicks, but Wyatt ducks the final Super Duper Wind-Up Kick. But when Bray tries to charge Bryan, Bryan lowbridges him, and Wyatt tumbles out of the ring.

Bryan steps back and hits the Flying Goat Dive to a monster pop.

Bryan tosses Wyatt back into the ring, and is about to follow. But as the ref stops to check on Wyatt, Kane strikes... he yanks Bryan off the apron, causing Bryan's head to ram into the apron. Kane tosses Bryan's carcass into the ring, where he's easy pickin's.

A Sister Abigail is all it takes.

Your Winner: Bray Wyatt, via pinfall, in about 15 minutes. But just remember, 6 of those were commercials, so that really robbed us of any sense of flow or build-up. Still OK, but it's always a noticeable distraction when more than one-third of a match happens during an ad break.

After the Match: Kane got in the ring and chokeslammed Bryan. He tossed in a quick mount-and-punch before refs pulled him off. Kane's now the favorite for that match on SmackDown?

[ads]

Backstage: Triple H is on the phone when Hall and Nash (in nWo t-shirts) come on in, and mock HHH for his fancy suit. They want him to delegate and come out running with them for the night.

But then Shawn Michaels pops in on the other side, and says he agrees... but instead of a nWo shirt, he oughta put on a DX shirt. This leads to HHH making fun of HBK's shirt, which is apparently advertising a company that sells products that assist in "hiding in the woods to kill defenseless animals."

Thus ZING'd, Michaels laughs it off, and ponders, "You know, it's not a Clique Reunion without X-Pac. Where is that guy?"

On cue, X-Pac pops in, crotch-chopping like a mad man. But wait, is that X-Pac? He's surprisingly well-built. And that's a rather hirsuite beard.

Nope, that is Sand-Pac. The real X-Pac comes into the frame from the opposite side, and the two do a bit of old school physical comedy by mirroring each other, mime-style. It's pretty hilarious until Miz storms in and spoils it.

"HEY~! He's MY stunt double." He orders Sandow to get out of here and get into his proper costume. Then he tries to ingratiate himself by doing the Clique hand sign, but they all just shake their heads disapprovingly, until Miz leaves.

Nash deadpans, "Man, what kinda show you runnin' here?" To which HHH responds, whimpering, "I'm so ashamed."

Good times.

[ads]

RIC FLAIR LOSES HIS DAMN MIND

And now, it's time to catch up with a few more legends. Byron Saxton is in the ring, and introduces two-time Royal Rumble winner, Hulk Hogan. Then, the winner of the 1992 Royal Rumble, which happened exactly 33 years ago tonight, Ric Flair. And finally, another two-time Rumble winner, Shawn Michaels.

All three grab mics, and then grab a seat on the stools. Texas' own HBK gooses the crowd for a little extra pop, but finally does sit down.

Saxton's first question is "How are you voting on tonight's WWE App poll about Cena having a match tonight?" HBK and Hogan vote "Yes," and for some reason, Flair votes "No." Honestly, how is anybody justifying this pretext that this isn't a foregone conclusion.

Next question is for Flair, asking how important his Rumble win was. Flair puts it over as one of the greatest nights of his career, because not only was it one of his classic 60 minute man performances, but it was the only time the Rumble winner was the new WWE Champion. WHOOOOOO~!

Saxton then asks Michaels about his first Rumble win, where he won from #1, and dangled, inches away from elimination, before pulling himself back into the ring to win. Without the Royal Rumble, there would be no Mr. WrestleMania.

Completing the hat trick, Saxton asks Hogan about his first win, in 1990. Hogan's win wasn't the same kind of signature moment as the other two, but he does put the match over as a true gathering of the biggest stars in the business at the time.

And now, a question for all three: who are these legends picking to win the 2015 Rumble.

HBK picks Bray Wyatt (mixed reaction). Hogan picks Daniel Bryan (cheers). And Flair picks Dean Ambrose (cheers).

It seems they forgot one of the odds-on favorites, because here comes the Big Show, storming on down to the ring.

He's amazed at this collection of great talent and former Rumble winners... the problem is, their time is passed, and now, they are trespassing in his ring. And he can't believe that they all passed him over to win the Rumble, because each of them knows what he can do.

Big Show beat Hogan in his first match, and won the WCW Title. When Flair tried to challenge him, and put him in the Figure Four, Show just reached up, grabbed him by the throat, and chokeslammed him into next week. And HBK? Well, Big Show thinks it's telling that as soon as he made his way to WWE, what did Shawn Michaels do? He retired.

So there you have it: these old men are all old and washed up, and more to the point, even back in their day, Big Show dominated them. So please, just get out of his ring, right now, before Show demonstrates what's gonna happen on Sunday.

Hogan and Michaels both seem to be content to let things be. But Flair whips himself up into a frenzy, ripping off his suit coat, and then going at Big Show with a few chops and punches.

Big Show no-sells it, and then nails Flair with the WMD.

Roman Reigns' music hits, and he comes on down to the ring -- through the crowd -- as Hogan and Michaels drag Flair to safety outside the ring.

Once Reigns is in the ring, Show gives him the same speech: "this is my ring, you better get out of it before I do the same thing to you." But Reigns isn't 70 years old, so he stands his ground.

When Show reaches out for the chokeslam, Reigns fights out, runs the ropes, and cuts Show in half with a spear. Show decides to retreat.

Reigns opts not to celebrate, and instead, the segment ends with him joining Hogan and HBK in tending to Flair.

Backstage: the perpetually delightful Renee Young is standing by with John Cena. It's time to reveal the results of tonight's poll...

It's "YES" in a landslide, 85% to 15%. This just in, 15% of people are stupid.

Renee, however, clarifies things a bit. She suggests that the 85% landslide means the fans are "turning their backs" on Cena by wanting him out of the Rumble title match. Ehhhh, I GUESS that might be something.... but it's still a crappy fabricated excuse for "drama," since nobody believes Cena won't have about a billion more title shots in his career. The poll really is "Do you want Ziggler/et al to get their jobs back?" and the Cena thing doesn't even register.

Cena admits that some fans might have voted that way to keep him out of the Rumble, but he thinks the real mandate here is to get Ziggler/Ryback/Rowan's jobs back. They voted to have Cena fight, that's all. And that's what he's gonna do. For the fans, and for his friends. Aww.

[ads]

WADE BARRETT vs. DEAN AMBROSE (Non-Title)

The IC Title is not in play, here, and instead, the narrative focus is on the fact that both men are entered into the 30-man Rumble Match on Sunday. They're both looking to build momentum ahead of said match.

Back and forth brawling for 2 or 3 minutes, then Ambrose finally builds some substantial momentum. In another nod to the Rumble rules, Ambrose dropkicks Barrett, causing him to go out over the top rope.

Break in the action means we break for...

[ads]

Back, and Barrett has taken over and is working (you guessed it!) a chinlock. The looming spectre of Randy Orton!

But Ambrose fires out of it in short order, for a brief hope spot. Barrett snuffs it out and goes back to the chinlock. Ambrose fires up again, and this time, sustains it when Barrett makes the rookie mistake of telegraphing the backdrop. Kick to the throat, and Ambrose's rally is on.

Flurry of moves, leads up to his top rope standing elbow drop, for his first near fall. But he has trouble sustaining, as his left knee (first injured by Bray Wyatt, and further injured by Rusev) gives out.

Ambrose keeps on the gas, but is VEEEEERRRRRRYYYY slow getting to the top rope... Barrett joins him on the ropes, and after a bit of jockeying, yanks Ambrose down, in position for Wastelands.

But Ambrose worms out and hits a flash Dirty Deeds.

Your Winner: Dean Ambrose, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. I swear, I don't get WWE's fetish with jobbing out their secondary champs when there's no storyline reason to do so. Barrett losing to Sin Cara: accomplishes something (Barrett demolishes Sin Cara post-match and in the rematch, garnering big heel heat). Barrett losing to Ambrose: accomplishes nothing, other than reminding us that Ambrose is higher up the food chain than Barrett. OK match, but why not just have Ambrose squash Adam Rose, if that's your goal?

[ads]

History Lesson: it's this year's updated "Rumble by the Numbers" video package. I'm sorry, but it once again falls short of the best Rumble package, from 2013, when the music was supplied by The Heavy. Ahhhh, The Heavy... aren't you guys about due for another album? It's been 3 goddamned years, guys!

[ads]

THE NEW DAY (Kofi & Big E, w/ Eggsavier Woods) vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd (w/ Nattie and Adam Rose)

New Day have tweeked their entrance, and now the music is just the basic groove (no lyrics/changes), and all three have live mics, so they add their own spoken word commentary.

After ignoring the issue for the past month, they once again address the issue of their forced positivity. Eggsavier Woods says he hears people talking, and they can't believe the New Day are always so positive. But Woods says they gotta stay positive, because if they don't, then the negativity sets in, and if the New Day get down, then the entire roster goes to the hospital. And nobody wants that.

So positivity it is!

Kofi gets about 20 seconds worth of fast start, then Rose creates a distraction, and Kofi becomes your Time Compressed Face in Peril.

Cesaro and Kidd work in a few of their new tandem moves (including an impressive delayed suplex/crossbody combo and the awesome Giant Swing/Low Dropkick combo).

The heels are absolutely dominating, and Cesaro intercepts a dive by Kofi, as he tried to get to his corner... but as Cesaro has Kofi in his arms and carries him back to the enemy corner, Kofi times it perfectly, and puts both his feet in Kidd's face.

This not only sends Kidd to the floor, but Kofi pushes off, and uses the leverage to turn it into a schoolboy roll-up.

Your Winners: Kofi Kingston and Big E, via pinfall, in about 4 minutes. Once again, I'm high on the potential for Cesaro and Kidd as a tag team; even in limited exposure, they're bringing cool, fresh moves to the table. But for the second week in a row, they lose to the New Day, who are only interesting if they're purposely doing a Rocky Maivia 2K15 thing (trying to be so smiley and happy that we turn them heel). But substantially less so if this is really the extent of the gimmick.

[ads]

GRUMPY OLD MEN

Back to the legends, as Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and X-Pac all hit the ring, decked out in nWo gear. As dictated by tradition, Hall gets the mic, and starts us off with a "Hey, yo."

And then, it's survey time. Are you all here for the RAW Reunion? "Nah." Or are you all here for the RAW Reunion with.... "the ENN DOUBLE YOU OH!" They remember.

Nash takes the mic, and reminisces about the Attitude Era, namedropping the big stars, and saying how they are all his close personal friends. And more to the point, they all borrowed liberally from him, because "the nWo is responsible for everything great that has ever been created." Ahhh, humility.

Then X-Pac said something that nobody cared about, at which point, the Ascension crash the party. I figured this whole assemblage of legends was a perfect set up for them to go after SOMEbody, but I didn't have the nWo as the target. I was thinking more APA reunion for them.

Viktor grabs a mic and says that while everybody else might see the legendary nWo, all they see are three old dogs who need to be put out of their misery. Konnor opines that they were born and bred to rip and shred, so they'll be happy to take care of that for them.

Viktor says that the Ascension are already one of the greatest tag teams in WWE history, and they don't even recognize the nWo, because they never did it in WWE. They're from [mocking voice]WCW[/mock].

It looks like it's about to come to blows after Hall does the toothpick toss at Viktor... but before the Ascension can strike, JBL gets up from commentary, and says "You know what, you can paint yourself green, but that don't make you a frog." He calls bullshit on all the Ascension's claims to greatness, and says he figured this might happen.

So he made a phone call. Ahhh, you see, I was right, afterall.

As JBL takes off his suit to reveal an APA t-shirt, Ron Simmons hits the ring.

The Ascension are actually starting to look a bit intimidated. And then, it gets even worse.

"Oh You Didn't Know...." Here come the New Age Outlaws. On his way to the ring, Road Dogg gets some cheap heat by talking about the Cowboys, but once in the ring, he exlaims, "I'm in a ring, surrounded by thoroughbreds and race horces... so I'm just wondering: who brought the jackasses?"

Big pop, and then the 7 legends all pounce on the Ascension. The nWo powder out pretty quickly, though, allowing the Outlaws to double team Konnor into oblivion. That leaves Viktor...

JBL loosens up the shoulder, as the crowd senses what's about to come. When he levels Viktor with the Clothesline from Hell, the place explodes.

Good times. Suddenly, the Ascension's asinine delusion heel ramblings make some sense. It was all a set up to get to this night, where they were surrounded by the legends they were mocking.

Now, we find out if the times get better. Because we know that the Outlaws are still perfectly capable of good matches (the APA and nWo, not so much)... and the PERFECT pay-off to all this would be the Ascension KILLING the Outlaws on Sunday to get their heat back.

But then again, there's a rumor that Vince hates NXT for being way more critically acclaimed that WWE TV shows, so he's out to bury all NXT talent. Which sounds crazy. But then again, so is Vince. It might be the case, and if so, there may not be any pay-off. The Ascension looking like morons may be it. We'll see.

[ads]

Backstage: Triple H and Stephanie are standing by, and it's time to reveal what John Cena's match is gonna be. Later tonight, with his WWE Title Shot on the line, Cena will face Seth Rollins.

And Big Show.

And Kane.

Along the way, there is alleged comedy involving a snare drummer and a trumpet player from a local marching band, but it doesn't take away from the serious vibe that the Authority are seriously screwing Cena.

[ads]

NATALYA & PAIGE vs. SUMMER RAE & ALICIA

The Bellas are sitting in commentary, and basically spend the whole time talking about how Paige and Nattie aren't friends, they're just teaming up because they know neither one of them is good enough to beat Nikki for the Women's Title.

This is largely exposed as a lie, since Nattie controls several minutes, and then when Paige tags in at the first sign of trouble, she finishes things off in short order, making Alicia tap out.

Your Winners: Paige and Natalya, via submission, in 4 minutes. As the two celebrate, it is revealed that Nattie and Paige will face the Bellas on Sunday at the Rumble. FYI, this is a change of plans, as Nikki suffered a leg injury over the weekend. This way, she can "hide" a bit more than she would have in a singles or four-way title match.

[ads]

RUSEV vs. R-TRUTH (Non-Title)

Before the match, R-Truth says he'll be int he Rumble on Sunday, coming for Rusev.

But we're all adults here, so let's not pretend this is something it wasn't.

Your Winner: Rusev, via submission, in 45 seconds flat. See, WWE, if you want to have a match between two guys who are in the Rumble, illustrating that one is a potential winner and the other isn't, and one of them is a secondary champion, THIS is a valid way of doing it.

Backstage: Seth Rollins is headed to the ring, flanked by the New Stooges... and he's met by Brock Lesnar. "Don't worry, I ain't gonna hurt you tonight. I'm a prize fighter. I fight for money, not for free." So he wishes Rollins luck, and says he hopes Rollins takes out Cena, so that Sunday, it's one on one, and Brock will be paid to destroy Rollins.

Brock walks off, sporting a shit eating grin, and suddenly, Rollins gets a look on his face that this stipulation is NOT a good idea, afterall.

Might Rollins throw the match, so he keeps Cena in the match as a buffer? I'm suddenly pondering that as a real possibility. It'd sure as heel be a neat counterpoint to Rollins forcing Cena to bring back the Authority... now, we just might see Rollins let Cena win to bring back the three guys the Authority fired.

Things just got all interestingy.

[ads]

JEY USO (w/ Jimmy) vs. MIZ (w/ Damien Sandow)

During ring intros, there's a pre-taped inset promo by Miz, in which he reveals that in addition to the tag title match, he's entering the Royal Rumble. And so is his Stunt Double. So Miz figures he's got TWO chances to win. The implication is that Sandow will sacrifice himself for Miz... but I'm thinking WWE just telegraphed that Miz and Sandow lose the tag title match due to a disagreement, and that results in Sandow refusing to do Miz's bidding in the Rumble. Sandow vs. Miz at WrestleMania!

But first, we have this singles match... pretty basic stuff, made slightly more amusing by Sandow's mirroring of Miz's antics. Miz gets boos, but Sandow gets cheers and "We Want Mizdow" chants.

About 2 minutes in, Jey dodges a charge, and Miz goes through the ropes to eat the ring post. While the ref is distracted by Sandow getting onto the apron to mirror the spot, Jimmy sneaks in a superkick on Miz.

Jey hits the Superfly Splash, and it's all over.

Your Winner: Jey Uso, by pinfall, in 3 minutes. I can state, with authority, that this is a thing that happened.

[ads]

I Called It: just announced, the New Age Outlaws will face the Ascension on Sunday!

JOHN CENA vs. SETH ROLLINS/BIG SHOW/KANE (Handicap Match, if Cena wins, Ziggler/Ryback/Rowan are rehired, if Cena loses, he's out of the Rumble)

Hunter and Steph are getting a front row view of this match, FWIW.

If Rollins is having second thoughts, he's not showing it at first. He's very cocky, and acting like he can't wait to kill Cena. He invites Big Show to start the carnage.

Show dominates, so Rollins tags himself in, and keeps it up. Not even an iota of uncertainty. With Cena getting his ass kicked, the crowd is electric, but they are also split 50/50. Even with Ziggler & Co. hanging in the balance, there are many fans who can't bring themselves to cheer Cena. D'oh.

When Cena shows the slightly sign of firing up, Rollins tags in Kane, and Cena's in trouble again. Cena shows signs of life again, this time Big Show puts an end to that.

And with that, we have to break for our final....

[ads]

Back, and it's Rollins turn again. He's kicking Cena's ass, so I guess I was wrong for inventing my own (way more compelling) narrative, earlier. Rollins apparently thinks it's a GREAT idea to face Brock Lesnar without any kind of buffer.

Rollins eventually builds up to a sleeper, which hasn't won a match since the 80s, but that doesn't stop guys from trying. Cena does power out, but can't follow up. Hope spot, averted.

But when Big Show tags in and goes for his second rope elbow (which also hasn't worked since the 80s), Cena rolls out of the way, and begins a geunine rally.

Along the way, Rollins tags back in, and is legal. Five moves of doom leads to the Five Knuckle Shuffle. But before the F-U can hit, the Stooges intervene.

Advantage back to Rollins, who hits a superkick for the nearfall. But Cena dodges the Curb Stomp, picks the ankle, and turns it into an F-U... but before the pinfall can be made, Kane yanks Cena out of the ring to break it up.

Show follows up by chucking Cena into the steel ring steps. The heels are perfectly content to take the count-out.

But at the count of 9, Cena dives back into the ring. Rollins tags in Kane, and tells him to finish it. Chokeslam hits.

But it only gets a two count. HHH and Steph have gotten out of their chairs and are pacing at ringside.

Rollins demands to be tagged back in, and line up the curb stomp.

But as he's poised in the corner, Sting pops up on the TitanTron. The heels freeze.

A crow's call rings out, and the house lights go out. Sting starts walking, and shows up on the stage. He points menacingly towards the ring, and that's all the distracton Cena needs.

He hits a flash roll-up on Rollins, and just like that, Ziggler/Ryback/Rowan have their jobs back.

Your Winner: John Cena, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Match was nothing, but that finish was sure as hell worth it.

After the Match: Triple H freak the hell out, and says that's garbage, and Sting has no place in WWE. So Sting just silently retreats. But I think we will all agree that this means it's Sting vs. HHH at WrestleMania. And that ain't bad.

Sting/Taker would have been a trainwreck of geriatric proportion. But HHH can make sure a match is pretty kick ass.

And then, after Sting is gone, and the heels are licking their wounds, Brock Lesnar hits the ring.

Rollins hides behind Kane. Kane gets an F-5. Lesnar tackles Rollins and starts raining down blows. So Big Show comes to the rescue. Big Show gets an F-5.

Seth Rollins runs away like a little girl.

As Brock does the back and forth Lesnar Shuffle, Paul Heyman displays the WWE Title belt, and we fade to black.

And so ends the show. And what an ending.

Usually, when I go and invent added depth and subtext to a WWE story, and it is not explored, I get mad that WWE can't pay people to be half as clever as I am for free.

But on this night, I talked myself into LOVING a story where Rollins was conflicted about eliminating Cena from the Rumble match, to the point where he threw the match... and believe me, that would have been REALLY compelling.

But you know what? I'll take Sting.

Yep, that's A-OK by me.

What a big finish, logically following up on Sting's actions at Survivor Series in an impactful way. He gets WWE out of its self-painted corner by saving Ziggler & Co's jobs, and it's a perfect way to set up the Sting vs. HHH WrestleMania match.

Lesnar's run-in was the pitch perfect play to shift us back to the Rumble (isntead of Mania), as he's been Rollins' and Cena's bitch so far in the last month... tonight was his night to stand tall, and that's the final touch needed for the Rumble main event

I don't think the Rumble match itself benefited a whole lot. Just more of Rollins and Show as the two favorites, which is rather, ummmmm, bleh. Bryan and Ambrose are guys I'd rather see win the Rumble, and I was not a fan of the way Ambrose was featured. Bryan lost his match, too, but for a reason, and will get it all back on Thursday when he beats Kane. So: push.

No value-add for the tag title match. But man alive, I loved the legends vs. the Ascension, and think the Ascension/NAO match on Sunday should be VERY entertaining (albeit in a sad way, since the Ascension have to win). So: net benefit to the tag division.

All around, the in-ring was a tinch better than the last two weeks. Still nothing remotely youtube-worthy, but other than two wastes of time, they actually seemed to want the matches to deliver some value beyond being a canvas for a story. That's also a plus.

Thanks to the Stunt Booking, it also felt like a much more "dense" and eventful show. And the Stunt Booking was 80% happy happy joy joy (sure, Flair got KO'd, but everything else was just fun as hell), including Sting, who is, himself, an old man and a throwback.

Taking a step back, and processing the whole show, I still heavily weigh things in favor of the final segment... so I think I can go as high as a B-plus for tonight. Yeah, B-plus.

See you all Sunday, as I'll be sure to get the Royal Rumble Recap posted shortly after 10pm (central). Be well till then!

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.