OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Fifty Fifty
February 16, 1015

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

I got nothing for a preRamble today. Unless you want to hear my thoughts on how grocery shopping is ALSO different down here in Texas.

It's not just drivers that suck... for some reason, eggs cost twice as much as they do in Ohio. Mushrooms, too. Most things cost roughly what I'd expect, but those are two things that are just irrationally priced at Kroger. And I shop at Kroger at home, so it's not that I'm shopping at a different store. It's that, for some reason, these two staples are more expensive here, by a factor of 2.

On the upside, I decided to conquer my ethnocentrism, and tried the entirely Mexican "FiestaMart" grocery store, and they're selling Watermelons. Whole, seedless ones. The long skinny seedless ones that only rarely show up in Ohio, and are better than the round ones. And in February, 3 months sooner than in Ohio. God bless you, Fiesta Mart; I loves me the watermelon, and my long, lonely winter is now cut short!

Also, FiestaMart had 3 lbs packs of thick-cut stack-pack Wright style bacon on sale for $8, half the usual price, so I stocked up on that, too.

Looks like I DID have a preRamble, afterall, since I just made you endure 3 paragraphs of my Grocery Ranting. Sorry, everybody. Here's what you came for:

Opening Video Package for the Benefit of Those With ADD: OO does not recap recaps, not even on a holiday.

MEET THE NEW CENA, SAME AS THE OLD CENA

And just like that, we slam cut to the inside of the Whateveritscalled Arena, in Orlando, FL, and John Cena is on his way to the ring.

While he's doing that, Cole & The Gang welcome us to the show, and tell us that we've got two big main events on tap, tonight. Roman Reigns vs. Kane, and Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show, as the Authority continues to try to do damage to BOTH potential #1 Contender, prior to their match at Fast Lane.

Cena is now in the ring, and with a mic, so he uses it to shoot it back up to the Tron for a recap of the Cena/Rusev brawl from last week (which Rusev won).

Back live, Cena says Yep, he got his ass handed to him last week, he'll own it. But while he admits that Rusev is a Super Athlete, he says that all this talk of Rusev being an unbeatable monster is BS.

Cena says that for years, he's done things his way, and he's loved it whether that meant fans were cheering or booing, because it was all fun. But on Sunday, the fun is over. People have been asking "When will John Cena change his act?" and Cena says he's gonna bring a whole new game to Fast Lane. No more fun and smiles, just ass kicking and a new United States Champion.

Of course, he says all this in his loud, shouty, fake angry voice that is really hard to take seriously.

Enter Rusev and Lana, who get huge heat and "USA" chants before saying word one. Lana stirs the pot with her standard spiel. Then Rusev promises to not just break Cena's body, but to crush his very will to live.

Cena has had enough, and sprints up to the top of the stage to tackle Rusev. It's the mirror image of last week, with Cena winning the brawl, and sending Rusev into the LED board, and finishing him off with 10 mount-and-punches.

You know, for as much as Orlando is Home of the Wanker Fans (first TNA, now an increasingly annoying NXT audience), they ate this up with a spoon, cheering loudly for Cena and firing up another "USA" chant when Lana tried to taunt Cena with the Russian flag.

It's not a story that resonates a whole lot with me, but it's definitely fresh to see Cena at least TRYING to find a new dimension to his character, and I have a non-zero interest in just who will end Rusev's streak and how...

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Earlier Today: Dean Ambrose is hosting a version of "Weekend Update" (Cole says it's his homage to SNL's 40-year anniversary), where he has breaking news. Later tonight, Wade Barrett will be signing This Contract (Ambrose holds it up), to defend the IC Title against Ambrose at Fast Lane. Stay tuned to find out how.

DEAN AMBROSE vs. LUKE HARPER

Ambrose has the contract with him, and drops it off with the announcers. The subtext here is that Ambrose beat one former IC Champ last week (Axel) and now, he's facing another one (Harper), and if he can win, he's GOT to be in line for a title shot. Oh and he beat Barrett in a non-title match a few weeks ago, too.

Very strong start for Ambrose, but about 3 minutes in, he goes for a suicide dive, and Harper catches him, and rams him into the apron. Tide has turned, and while Harper is pausing to celebrate this development, we break for...

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Back, and Harper is working -- wait for it -- A CHINLOCK. A chinlock coming back from an ad break, who'da thunk it?

Ambrose tries to escape, and it morphs into a side headlock. Ambrose then BITES his way out of that, and then lowbridges Harper to begin a full-on comeback. He hits a huge tornado DDT, but can't follow-up quickly enough to make a cover. Instead, it's both men down, both men back up, and they trade punches.

Ambrose wins that exchange, and goes up top to hit his flying standing elbow for his first near fall. Back up top, and this time, it backfires. Ambrose whiffs, and eats a stiff superkick for a Harper near fall.

Another quick grapple, and Ambrose tries for his rebound clothesline, but Harper has it scouted, and catches him with the sidewalk slam. But 30 seconds later, Harper catches Ambrose with an big open hand strike, and Ambrose DOES bounce back with the rebound clothesline.

And then, Dirty Deeds, just that fast.

Your Winner: Dean Ambrose, via pinfall, in about 12 minutes. Nothing fancy, but on the strength of Ambrose's popularity, it had just enough sizzle to make a go of a pretty paint-by-numbers presentation.

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Backstage: Big Show and Kane have been called to Triple H's office, and they pick up where they left off on Thursday... bickering. Along the way, Show busts out "May 13, remember May 13, you psycho?" Uhhh, wasn't that May 19? Yes, it was.

Finally, HHH tries to break things up by asking them if they know how silly they look right now. Show, "Ummm, about as silly as you and that Fake Sting last week?" Show flashes a quick shit-eating grin, then realizes who he's talking to, and apologizes.

HHH tells the two to get focused, because they have matches tonight, and HHH wants "solutions," not more problems with them. Show and Kane lower their heads and promise to do better.

Pregnant Belly Freeze Frame: Bray Wyatt is in his lair, twiddling a nail between his thumb and forefinger. And then, it's a very quick and to the point message to his Unspoken Foe. It's really too bad what happened to him, because now, the awe Wyatt once felt has turned into abject pity. "It's coming."

Elsewhere Backstage: Goldust and Stardust are having a discussion (by which I mean, Goldust is trying to talk sense, and Stardust is ignoring him). And in walks the patriarch, Dusty Rhodes. Stardust immediately disrespects him by blowing glitter in his face, and Dusty is all, "Goddammit, Cody, this is what I'm talking about." He then launches into a speech about the importance of family, and how the same blood runs through all their veins, so c'mon, let's all get on the same page and show them what the Rhodes Family is capable of.

Cody looks properly cowed, and shakes Dustin's hand, as they head out to the ring for a match....

[ads; one of the ads is for WWE's return to Dallas, for a SD taping on April 7... I never would have guessed it when this whole ordeal with my brother started, but I'm STILL gonna be here when that rolls around]

GOLDUST/STARDUST vs. THE NEW DAY

Big E is taking the night off, standing outside, while Kofi and Woods wrestle.

Goldust starts, and has his way with Woods. Time to tag in Stardust, and the two execute a nice doubleteam sequence, and then launch into the frequent tags for a minute or so.

As soon as Woods gets some separation, he gets the lukewarm tag to Kofi, who dominates Goldust for a bit, but as soon as he goes for his first cover (after a Steamboat Crossbody), Stardust comes into break it up.

In the quick Pier Four Brawl, Stardust goes for the Disaster Kick, but Kofi ducks. Stardust stops short of kicking Goldust, but the distraction is enough to allow Kofi to hit Trouble in Paradise on Goldust after Woods tackles Stardust out of the ring.

Your Winners: the New Day, via pinfall, in 4 minutes. Quick and harmless... it was here to serve a storyline purpose, not to be a workrate masterpiece.

After the Match: Stardust console his brother for a minute or two, but as soon as Goldust turned to exit the ring, Cody hit him with a CrossRhodes. BOOOOOOOO!!!!

Backstage: Byron Saxton has an interview with Roman Reigns, and wants to know how Reigns feels about the extra hurdles the Authority have put in his way on his journey to WM. Reigns tries to play it safe by saying the Authority are jerks, but he doesn't view Bryan as a hurdle. Is that Reigns belittling Bryan? No no no, that's not what he meant. Reigns just meant that the Authority are trying to manipulate things for their own purposes, which are related to Seth Rollins. Bryan didn't orchestrate this, he just took advantage of a situation. Saxton presses for the follow-up: so does Reigns resent Bryan for that? Reigns passive aggresses, saying nah, of course not, mad respect but if he had been eliminated from the Royal Rumble, he would have taken it like a man and not tried to weasel his way back into the WM main event.

Flight of the Valkyries: Daniel Bryan is on his way to the ring... but it's not time for his match. Apparently, Reigns/Kane is next, and Bryan's just here to get a front row seat.

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Backstage: Dusty Rhodes tried to confront Stardust, but makes the mistake of calling him "Cody." He says he's not Cody, because Cody was destined to be stuck in the shadow of his polka dotted embarassment of a father and his embarassing freak of a brother. So now, it's time to break out on his own.... Cody Rhodes is dead, and as far as he's concerned, so is Dusty. Dick.

ROMAN REIGNS vs. KANE

Bryan says he thought he was cool with Reigns, but after what he just heard Reigns say, Bryan may have to rethink things. Bryan riles up the crowd with the YES! fingers, and Reigns is distracted by this, allowing Kane to take control. Bryan is all very zen about it, "Did I just distract him, or did he allow himself to be distracted?"

Kane proceeds to administer one of his absolutely best, fast-paced heel beatdowns in recent memory. When Reigns stages his comeback, about 5 minutes in, the fans break out in dueling "Let's Go, Roman"/"You Can't Wrestle" chants. Heh.

When Reigns gets his first near fall, Bryan fires up the YES! fingers again, inspiring the crowd and distracting Reigns. Kane back on the offensive, and has designs on chokeslamming Kane through the announce table. But Reigns counters it, and rams Kane into the apron, before taking him down with a spear.

The ref's count is at 8, so Reigns slides inside, and Kane is counted out.

Your Winner: Roman Reigns, via count-out, in about 6 minutes. For something that I had pegged as a one-dimensional showcase for Reigns, they actually made this pretty entertaining. Kane's offense was better than expected, and Bryan was fun on commentary. Sure, it was still the entirely predictable win for Reigns, but the dressed it up nicely.

After the Match: Bryan did the YES! Fingers again, so Reigns just held the ropes open and invited Bryan to come on into the ring, if he had something he wanted to say to Reigns, he should do it face-to-face.

Bryan paused to consider, and then just grinned, and YES'd his way back up the ramp, staying out of the ring. MIND GAMES~!

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Backstage: Renee Young catches up to Daniel Bryan, and asks if these mind games are gonna keep being part of his strategy going forward. Bryan confrims that, yep, if it's that easy to get under Reigns' skin, he'll keep doing it. There's a lot more where those YES! chants came from, come Sunday.

Pregnant Belly Freeze Frame: and this time, Bray Wyatt is fondling a hammer. He says "Limbo is no place for a soul like yours. I'm. Waiting."

Elsewhere Backstage: Byron Saxton is standing by outside the Diva Lockerroom, hoping to get a few words with the #1 Contender, Paige. But instead, the Bellas come out of the lockerroom, and they have Paige's gear. They claim to have just cancelled Paige's match for tonight, "unless she wants to wrestle naked."

Ummmm, that's the sound of 3 million heterosexual males not going anywhere near the remote control, just in case that really happens.

Paige soon comes out, in a towel (let us just enjoy this, and not ask why Paige was taking a shower BEFORE her match), demanding to know where her gear went. Byron points her in the right direction, but the Bellas are gone. Paige first asks Cameron to borrow some gear, but Cameron declines.... then Paige spies the Rosebuds down the hall, and grabs one of them (in a very non-goth pixie outfit), to steal her clothes.

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PAIGE vs. SUMMER RAE

The first time Paiges music plays, she doesn't appear. But on the second try, she comes on out, wearing the pastel pixie outfit.

Paige's colors may have changed, but her stripes haven't. She viciously takes it to Summer. Knees, headbutts, primal screams. And after all of one flurry by Summer, we get the PTO, and it's over.

Your Winner: Paige, via submission, in 3 minutes. I can state, with authority, that this is a thing that happened.

After the Match: the Bellas came out on the stage, and Nikki attempted to taunt Paige by pointing out the many ways Nikki is different from (and better than) Paige. Paige cuts her off, "No no no, the most immportant way we're different is that I don't have to wear a special outfit to look good. It just comes naturally." ZING, so the silly wardrobe storyline comes into play, afterall, besides just dressing Paige in an outfit that's exactly as affected as her normal gear! "And Sunday, I'll be wearing the best outfit of all, when I put on the WWE Women's Title."

Well, she didn't say "Women's," she said "Diva's," but I refuse to facilitate WWE's wrongness. Either way, it's a dandy punchline.

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Returning Soon: Sheamus. Same all-business vignette as last week.

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/ J&J Security)

Before the match, Rollins cuts a little promo, saying that President's Day is just another holiday where we celebrate the past. But today, he isn't gonna do that, because celebrating the past when the future is standing right here in front of you is just plain stupid. He's the best and most valuable asset in the entire company, and he can do whatever he sets his mind to (replace Jon Stewart, or even become a president himself even though he's not old enough to run)...

But what he really wants to do is cash in his MitB Briefcase, and he's got some ideas on that front. But for tonight, he's got people meddling in his affairs, and I guess he's not talking about his fiancee posting pictures of Rollins' wang... sure enough, he's talking more about Rowan, Ryback, and his opponent tonight, Dolph Ziggler.

As if on cue, here's Ziggler, who wastes no time referencing said social media fiasco with Rollins' fiancee.... "C'mon Seth, why so angry? Did someone have a bad Valentine's Day?" The crowd gave that a Springer-worthy OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH. But then Dolph deflects the innuendo to more harmless territory, by suggesting J&J got him the wrong candy, or something.

Seth is all "Ha ha, you fancy yourself a comedian, but the only thing that's funny about you is that joke you call your career." Ziggler says he's the man that steals the show every night, and he's the man who eliminated the Authority. And tonight, he may not be able to do that again, but he WILL eliminate their Golden Boy, as soon as Seth's "hobbit security guards" get out of the ring.

The heels attempt a 3-on-1 jumpstart, but Ziggler wins the brawl. As the heels regroup outside the ring, we break for...

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Back, not only did the match official begin during the break, but less than 2 minutes into the match, Rollins is working a chinlock because that's what you have to do when returning from an ad break.

Ziggler is able to escape, but J&J try to ensure the advantage stays with Rollins. So the ref immediately ejects them. It's gonna be one-on-one, and that's not how Rollins usually rolls.

But for starters, he's able to make it work, limiting Ziggler to brief hope spots, until Dolph hits the big Stinger Splash and beings a proper comeback. His first near fall comes after a Heartstopper Elbow. His second comes after an awesome double-reversey spot that ends with a flip powerbomb. His third comes off his Implant DDT.

But when he goes for a Zig Zag, Rollins evades it and hits an enzuigiri for a near fall of his own. Rollins goes up top. Ziggler dodges, and goes for the Fameasser. Rollins ducks, and hits the superkick to the gut, dropping Ziggler to all fours.

Rollins goes for the Curb Stomp, but Ziggler dodges and hits a superkick of his own, and follows it up with the Zig Zag. It surely would have been the end, except that J&J picked that moment to run down and make the save. The ref has no choice but to call for the bell.

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler, via disqualification, in about 6 minutes (possibly longer, since it started during the commercial break). Definitely more of a sampler platter than the full meal these two could deliver. But with the gimmicky start to the match, it did mean that they could believably jump to End Game shortly after returning from the ad break, so they still crammed a lot of excitement in by creating that false sense that the match had been longer. Pretty clever, actually.

After the Match: the heels continued the 3-on-1 for a bit until Ryback and Rowan came out to even the odds. The good guys then cleaned house... and no sign of Orton, so I'm guessing a 6-man tag on Sunday, with J&J turning it into a 5-on-3, resulting in Randall's "surprise" return... probably a good idea. It saves the Rollins/Orton match for WrestleMania, even if Orton's been ready to go in time to do that match at Fast Lane.

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FLAIR CAUGHT BETWEEN A BOSS AND A STING PLACE

Triple H hits the ring, to address the situation with Sting. But first, a full 5 minute video package of the story so far.

When we come out of it, HHH sells this confrontation on Sunday as the first ever showdown between WCW and WWE. The one man who never left WCW, the one man who is the heir apparent to WWE. But more than that, it's gonna be Sting against the Cerebral Assassin, and that's a showdown Sting can't win...

The Theme from 2001 hits, and here's Ric Flair. HHH is confused, but decides to show respect, at first.

Flair says he's here because he respects and he loves HHH, who wouldn't. And then he keeps rambling, and maybe slurring a bit. Just sayin'. It gets to the point where HHH has to re-rail things by saying, "I hear you, but if I had to guess, you're here to sing the praises of Sting, right?"

And so Flair gets back on track, admitting that yeah, he main point tonight was to tell Hunter to not take Sting lightly. Don't underestimate the guy, and don't put yourself in a position to fail. That's a mistake Flair himself made.

HHH says he's not making that mistake, because he's a student of the game, and he's seen everything Sting did, from take Flair 60 minutes in their first match, to becoming the franchise of WCW. And when all the other rats jumped ship to WWE, Sting stayed loyal, and just disappeared.

Which is the smart move. Because if Sting had accepted the offers to come to WWE at that time, HHH would have made it his personal mission to erase Sting's legacy.

Flair is confused. Why would HHH care that much?

Because, HHH believes whatever legacy Sting has, he built it at the expense of Ric Flair, and that always pissed him off. He would have kicked Sting's ass on principle alone... but that was then, and this is now. And now, Sting is showing up and personally screwing with HHH's business. And moreso than any other man, HHH is now the embodiment of WWE, and he's not gonna take it.

Flair tries to talk sense, saying this isn't a very "cerebral" approach. Flair says he loves HHH and he loves what HHH and Steph are doing, as executives. But HHH is approaching this like a wrestler, and that's not who he is, anymore. He tried to be that guy last year at WrestleMania, and Daniel Bryan kicked his ass. Does he really think it'll be any different if he crosses Sting?

HHH says, "Look, when it comes to a legacy, I've always said I'm no Ric Flair. And I mean it. But when it comes to kicking Sting's ass, you're no Triple H." The implication being that Sting always had Flair's number, because he kind of did.

Flair says, "Hokay. Then just make me one promise. When I tune in Fast Lane on Sunday, don't let me see you sitting on your ass like you did last week." OOOOHHHHHHHHHH~! HHH shoves Flair to the mat, and says that he doesn't care who it is, anybody who stands between him and the WWE, he will destroy them, and after Sunday, he promises that Sting will never show his face in WWE again.

I don't know if I'm thinking too hard, but all the talk of HHH being the "embodiment" of WWE makes me wonder if there isn't another Vince Sighting yet to come in this story... or are we at the point where we're just really supposed to accept HHH as That Guy?

Either way, pretty decent way to weave Flair into the build-up...

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DARREN YOUNG & SOME GUY vs. THE ASCENSION

It's Young's first match back from injury, but they underscore the futility of it all by having the Ascension's music interrupt Lilian before she could even give Some Guy's real name. Of note: Young did use the old PTP entrance music, which I have to assume is for a reason.

And as I type that up, the reason becomes apparent... the Ascension are going to town, after attacking before the bell, and Titus O'Neil runs out to help out. Some Guy powders out, the the PTPs clear the ring.

Your Winners: None, because the bell never rang. But we just got ourselves a Prime Time Players reunion, which I think is pretty much the best way to make use of Young and Titus.

Backstage: Miz is talking to Wade Barrett, and suggests a partnership in which Barrett knocks Damien Sandow a few pegs (tough love, you know), and Miz will stand by and guard against the lunatic Dean Ambrose. Barrett accepts.

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DAMIEN SANDOW (w/ Miz) vs. WADE BARRETT (Non-Title Match)

Before the match, Sandow has to perform his "assistant" duties (he's no longer Miz's Stunt Double, but a lowly personal assistant), setting up Miz in a director's chair and gettin ghim a beverage.

Bell rings, and the very instant Sandow gains an advantage, Miz rings a little bell, and declares, "Bell means stop. I have a scuff on my shoe. Please buff it out." Sandow complies, and quickly, so as to get back into the ring before Barrett recovers.

But Miz rings the bell again, and says, "One more thing." Sandow turns around. Barrett attacks from behind. "Look out." Mini-beatdown by Barrett, and then Sandow fires up, and Miz rings the bell. "Bell means stop. I have a spot on my sunglasses."

Sandow walks over, and behind him, Barrett recovers and sets up the Bullhammer. Miz reveals, "Nope, not a spot, it was just a hair, it went away. Oh, and look out." Bullhammer lands.

Your Winner: Wade Barrett, via pinfall, in about 3 minutes. Told a story, and told it well. But I'm sure the workrate enthusiasts were vomiting in horror.

After the Match: Dean Ambrose ran out, and Miz got out of dodge. Apparently, his offer was only good DURING the match. Ambrose attacks Barrett, and eventually busts out some zip-ties, and ties Barrett's wrists around the ring posts.

Then, he grabs Booker T's pen off the commentary desk, and sticks it in the general vicinity of Wade's hands, and then fashions a rustic "BNB" on the contract, all while Barrett is screaming "This isn't legal." Of course it isn't. But it's also wrestling. So live with it, jerkface! Stupid, but fun, way to get to the IC Title Match at Fast Lane.

Pregnant Belly Freeze Frame: and now, the nail is being pounded into some wood by the hammer. "There's nowhere left to go. So find me. FIND. ME. Or I will find out." So, ummmm, my read is that not only is Bray talking to the Undertaker, but now he wants a Casket Match, too, right?

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JIMMY USO & NAOMI (w/ Jey) vs. TYSON KIDD & NATTIE (w/ Cesaro)

The tag title match is officially made during ring intros. But first, this is the first-ever husband & wife vs. husband & wife match, so let's get the E! Network part of this out of the way before Sunday's potentially awesome match.

The women start, and actually do a nice job of tit-for-tat and mutual respect. Then, it's time for the fellas, and there's no such niceties. Kidd immediately uses a handful of hair to hit a cheapshot, and then re-tags-in his wife.

Nattie and Naomi keep it clear and even-matched, for a bit, before Nattie gains the advantage, and asks if Tyson wants in. He declines, and when Nattie is annoyed/frustrated by this, Naomi is able to hit a cheap roll-up for the win.

Your Winners: Jimmy and Naomi, via pinfall, in about 3 minutes. Another one that's all about the story, but it told said story well enough.

After the Match: Kidd blamed Nattie for the loss, and Cesaro actually played peacekeeper, because he's Swiss. Also, because he wanted Tyson to focus on Sunday, instead of worrying about this loss in a throwaway gimmick match.

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DANIEL BRYAN vs. BIG SHOW

And yep, Roman Reigns has decided to sit in on guest commentary, because what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Somehow, I think he'll have a LOT less success enticing the crowd to distract Bryan.

Brief Digression: for the second week in a row, Lilian is rocking a dress outstanding enough that it warrants it's own sentence. We can take it as read that she looks nice on a week to week basis, but I feel the need to acknowledge when it's even nicer than usual.

Bell rings, and Bryan immediately goes into cat-and-mouse mode, to the extent that Show gets frustrated and yells "STAND STILL!" at him. Bryan declines, and is able to evade most of Show's offense for the opening minute. But then, Show got him backed into a corner, and hit him with the SHHHHHH! Chops. SHHHHHH! beats YES!

This gets a huge smile out of Reigns, who is NOT on guest commentary, I guess. He's just seated at ringside.

Reigns keeps on chuckling as Show decimates Bryan with power offense. Bryan gets a hope spot when he ducks another attempt at SHHHHH! Chops, but Show snuffs that out quickly enough.

Bryan gets another hope spot when Show goes for a gaudy press slam, but Bryan worms out and turns it into a Sleeper.

Reigns turns to the crowd, and offers to sign autographs. This is supposed to be a distraction to Bryan, and Bryan does, indeed, sell it that way, but the funny part is how unenthusiastic the response is to Reigns. Dudes are half-heartedly rummaging for scraps of paper, or offering their forearms. Heh.

Bryan's distraction allows Show to counter a YES! Kick with another SHHHHH! Chop, and with both men down, we break for....

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Back, and Show's in command. Reigns has settled back into his chair, either because he's happy with how things are going, or because he ran out of people who would pretend to care about his autograph.

Show keeps it going for a bit, then a hope spot for Bryan, and then Show ends that with OO's dreaded archnemesis, the Bearhug (a move that was silly even back in 80s wrestling, and hasn't exactly improved with age). Bryan turns it into a front facelock, and dumps Show out of the ring.

But instead of following up, Bryan is distracted by Reigns throwing free t-shirts to the fans (he found them in the timekeeper's cubicle). When he finally focuses back on Show, he goes for the Flying Goat, but Show nabs him out of mid-air, and throws him into Reigns.

Reigns is not pleased. The two talk it out, and start shoving each other. Big Show tries to take advantage of this, and sets up a spear. But Bryan dodges, and Show spears Reigns. Reigns is down, and Bryan stages a comeback by hitting a lo dropkick on Show's knee.

He fires up, with corner dropkicks, and then he goes for the YES! lock, and actually gets it cinched in. Show gets a rope break.

YES! Kicks, leading to the big super-duper wind-up YES! Kick, which lands. But Show kicks out. Bryan sets up for the Missile Dropkick, but Reigns picks that moment to get back in the ring and drop Show with a Superman Punch. Retribution for the spear, we are told, but still a pretty lame move.

Your Winner: Big Show, via disqualification, in about 12 minutes. The trend continues. Nothing of note, as far as the in-ring action goes, but the story was serviced very effectively.

After the Match: Bryan stayed on the top rope, while Reigns celebrated his moral victory, and then dropped Reigns with the originally intended Missile Dropkick.

Both men lost it, and started brawling. Reigns won it, initially, but Bryan opted to get back in the ring, where he took over for a bit, and was winning Round Two when refs ran out to break it up. When the refs pulled them apart, Reigns got in a cheapshot, and then let the refs keep them apart, even as the fans were chanting, "Let Them Fight."

Bryan didnt press the issue, either, and just pointed at the giant WM logo and extended a handshake.... the refs relaxed, assuming it was all over.

But Bryan took advantage and got revenge for the cheapshot by attacking Reigns, and hitting a huge flurry, ending with the Flying Goat. Bryan took the brawl into the crowd, and then back to the Timekeeper Cubicle.

Bryan introduced a steel chair, and that REALLY got Reigns mad. The two kept brawling, and tumbled over the announce table, and finally, a full compliment of refs and suited officials managed to break it up.

Bryan and Reigns were being just barely contained as the crowd chanted "This is Awesome" and we faded to black....

And so ends the show... I feel like I got my point across fairly well in the minute-by-minute recappening. No matches worth watching/youtubing/saving-for-posterity, because tonight wasn't about in ring quality. It was about servincing storylines, and servicing them well.

Bryan and Reigns had another night where they were the big stars, benefitting from a pretty realistic and compelling 50/50 presentation. Neither guy was clearly the babyface, nor clearly the winner. Given WWE's penchant for ham-handed throat-down-shoving, I actually like that, a lot.

Cena/Rusev benefits from a fresh take on Cena's persona, they did a nice job weaving Flair into HHH/Sting, and lesser storylines all seemed to hit more than they missed (the two tag team breakups, the tag title feud, and definitely Barrett/Ambrose for the IC Title). Assuming tonight also laid the foundation for Ziggler/Ryback/Rowan vs. Rollins/Show/Kane (and J&J) as a fourth big segment for Fast Lane, that's about as effective a last show as you can ask for.

The dearth of commendable in-ring action is still a real thing, but it's hard to ding the show too hard. I can safely hand out a final grade of B-plus.

I'll see you all again in 6, with the Fast Lane recap, at some point shortly after 11pm (eastern), or as I now call it, 10pm, on Sunday night....

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.