by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

5 minute out bumper: Tonight, Heyman will be locked inside a Steel Cage with an Animal! I wonder if Brock has heard about this, cause he's the one who challenged him...

And now, it's UPN Thursday night, and Edge and The Rock are still on the pre show bumper.

WWE leader leads right into the Beautiful People, then pyro in the Arena at Harbor Yard and high above the ring is that ominous Steel Cage awaiting Paul and Brock. But first, we get Rey Mysterio and his accelerated Gangrel entrance and it's a Cruiserweight triple threat match for the #1 contenders spot for the cruiserweight championship. Oop, Jamie Knoble and Tajiri are already in the ring. Combination of flying and brawling starts us off, nobody getting an upper hand. Rey all over Tajiri, Tajiri counters, gets some offense in, but Jamie Knoble knocks Rey down and slides him out of the ring. Jamie locks in a Fujiwara Armbar on Tajiri, but it's broken up by Rey.  Rey goes up top, but is stopped by Tajiri, who gets put in the Electric chair by Jamie. Tajiri grabs Rey, tho, and it's a double stack suplex and all three guys are down. Jamie tries to cover, but Tajiri kicks out. Jamie tries some offense, but Tajiri locks in the Tarantula. Snap kick on Jamie's head and Tajiri pin is broken up by Rey. 619 on Jamie, but Tajiri takes over. Jamie tries to come back in, but eats a 916 (reverse direction 619) and is out. Rey goes for a West coast pop, but Tajiri MURDERS him with a kick in mid air. Rey goes for a vertical suplex to bring him in, but Rey reverses out and rolls Tajiri up for the pin, and Rey is going to Wrestlemania to challenge for the Cruiserweight title! Wow, this is the first time since, what, 1998 that the Light heavyweight/Cruiserweight title has been defended at Wrestlemania?

Later on, some matches. We'll get to them in time.

Back from commercials, it's Viva La Rasa! Los Guererros are out to some new music and to take on the FBI (Johnny the Bull and Chuck Palumbo w/ Nunzio). Chavo and Chuck start. Lockup, Chavo goes for the waist lock, which Chuck reverses. Chuck forces Chavo into the corner, where the ref breaks it up. Chavo goes for the cheap slap; Chuck chases him around and eats an Eddie chop. Back in, Eddie tagged in, but Chuck powers past his offense and tags Stamboli in. Stamboli, with a little heel interference from Chuck, dominates Eddie. Chuck tagged back in, Eddie tries to escape, but is caught by Chuck, Who power slams him out of his mind. Samoan drop, and Johnny is tagged back in. Big Bear hug, Quick tag, and Chuck is in to apply the bear hug. Eddie elbows out, but Chucks knees him, then whips him off the ropes, but Eddie gets a flying leg scissors and it's time for a hot tag. Johnny and Chavo in and Chavo is a BALL O FAR! Chavo flies around, ending with a sweet hanging tornado DDT. Cover is broken up by Chuck. Nunzio tries to interfere; But Eddie takes care of him and then tries going up top. Johnny tries to stop him, but Eddie kicks him off, and then goes for a flying body press. Eddie is caught, and Johnny fall away slams him, but Chavo immediately follows up with a frog splash across his head! Pin, 1-2-3, and Cole proclaims that the Guererros cheated to win. Umm, not really, but ok. Afterwards, Nunzio comes in and clocks Eddie, precipitating a heel beat down. We leave with Los Guererros beaten down.

Backstage, Heyman laments his having to be in the match tonight to all of the Heyman Family. Show promises that he's got Paul’s back, but Angle interrupts and says that he prefers to use brains over brawn and says he'll use his *ahem* personal influence over Stephanie to get Paul out of the match. Paul is eternally grateful, but Big Show and A-Train are skeptical.

Commercials.

Wrestlemania XIX's theme song is brought to you by some band that can't keep its guitarists.

Back to Steph's office, and Kurt is instantly on the mack, but Paul steps in to try and negotiate his way out, which quickly degenerates to “PLEASEPLEASEOHPLEASEDON'TMAKEMEDOTHIS!!" groveling at Steps feet, The two of them kick Paul out, and Kurt goes to work his 'magic'. Steph plays along for a bit, but blocks him off. Steph is pissed that Kurt is insulting her intelligence (HAW!), and tells him that if Paul loses tonight, then Kurt gets to take Brock on next week for the title.

Out to the arena, Matt Hardy is out to defend his title. Tonight’s Matt Facts: Matt likes to look at the pictures in Playboy, and he considers himself a sex symbol. His challenger is Thug Life Billy Kidman. Matt goes for a quick rollup, but Kidman kicks out. Leg Scissors and dropkick gets a Kidman 2 count. Matt back up and with Shannon’s help, he gets the better of Kidman and Slingshots him OVER the top rope. Shannon rolls Kidman back in, and Matt stands on his head. Kidman pulled out to the center of the ring, suplex, and Matt puts his foot in his back in a surfboard. Kidman powers out and hit an Enziguri. Both men back up, and Kidman whips Matt up into the corner so hard that Matt flops up and lies across the top turnbuckle. A few kicks, and Matt ends up crotched on the rope. Kidman bounces him on it a bit and drags him in. Funny sequence, that. Kidman up and he hits a Yodeling leg drop to mock Matt. Tazz yells for him to go for the cover, but Kidman wants the Shooting Star Press. Shannon rescues Matt, but they both eat a highflying body press. Matt rolled back in, and Kidman up on the apron. Shannon pulls him down. Kidman gives chase, and as they run through the ring, Kidman runs into a Side Effect. Matt covers, Billy kicks out after 2. Matt goes up for a Twist of fate, but Billy shoves him off, Knocking Shannon off the apron. Matt grabs Billy and hits the twist of fate this time, tho, and the cover gets 3.

Quick "Who will stop Brock Lesnar?" Package and it's time for...

More commercials.

We're back, and after a beautiful outside shot of the Arena, we go into a recap of the announcement of Torrie's Playboy shoot, and we go into a cheesecake set of watching Torrie pose for Playboy. After this, Josh has Nidia's ear, and we have footage of Nidia trying to get into the Playboy mansion. She gets kicked off the grounds, but not until after leaving a message for Hugh Hefner to watch the Girls Gone Wild PPV. Back with Josh, she shakes her booty around, and she challenges Torrie to a body challenge at the upcoming GGW PPV, to see who looks better naked. She asks Josh for his assessment, and then Flashes him. Oh come on, it's not like Josh hadn't already seen them. Josh still liked what he saw. Tazz and Cole hype the upcoming GGW PPV, and then we are backstage and Hogan is Walking. He asks a random tech if they've seen Vince. You see, Hogan heard about what Vince said last week, and the He's on his way to the ring to give Vince a piece of his mind. Now come on, what ever happened to conversation over coffee?

Oop, wait a minute, is that what I think it is? Yup, More commercials!

The Lugs boot of the week is what Vince said last week.

Back to the present day, and Hogan is out to his standard monster pop. Hogan in the ring, and Hogan knows that Vince is tired of him, but tough noogies, Hulk is staying around. But with all the name-calling that's been going on, it's time to settle things once and for all, and he calls Vince out, who obligingly comes out to the entryway. He calls for his music to be shut off. He responds to "Asshole" chant by redirecting it to Hogan. Vince goes for the verbal low blow by saying Hogan isn’t a man, that he's a shell of who he used to be. He goes into the standard "I created you!" spiel, but Hogan cuts him off with a "SHUT THE HELL UP!" Turns out, Vince didn't really create Hulkamania, that Hulkamania thrives in spite of him, and that Hulkamania will always thrive because of all the Hulkamaniacs. Hogan runs down that everything Vince has is because of the Hulkamanics. Vince cuts him off, but Hogan cuts him off in turn with a quick "Kiss my Ass!" Vince tells him that Hulkamania could have been lead by anybody; Hogan calls him on it, Saying nobody worked harder or drove longer than he did during the clarion days of Hulkamania. You know, I can actually hear the combined guffaws of Smarks all over the country. Hogan calls him out for a match TONIGHT. Vince says No Chance in Hell. Vince clarifies that he doesn't hate Hulkamania, or the Hulkamaniacs. No, Vince hates Hogan! Why? Because Hogan ran off to WCW, Left him hanging, and most damningly of all, that Hogan testified at the steroid trials. Hogan tells Vince that Hogan's testimony actually saved him. Vince is incredulous. He decides that he does want to fight Hogan, so that's exactly what he'll do at Wrestlemania. Stipulation: if Vince wins, Hogan Retires FOREVER! Hogan wastes no time accepting, and they interrupt each other catchphrases until Hogan tells Vince that he'd better start training, that he'd better start taking vitamins, and he'd better damn well say his prayers. Vince Gulps, and Some Voodoo Chile serenades us out.

Up next, we have information on Undertaker and Nathan Jones' relationship, as well as an Undertaker/A-Train match. Uh oh, this can’t be good…

Oh boy, my favorite: COMMERCIALS!

Earlier tonight, Nathan and 'Taker do some training in the ring. Turns out, that 'Taker promised Nathan at some point in the past that he would train him to be a pro wrestler when he got out of prison. Nathan appreciates what 'Taker is doing for him, and that he'll try his best. 'Taker knows that he will, otherwise he wouldn't have brought him in. So how do you explain Kronik, there, Mark? 'Taker demonstrates a collar to headlock, to ropes, to shoulder block knockdown sequence and gives us his best match in weeks. But when Nathan tries, he can't knock his guy down. They try a couple of times, ‘Taker yells at him to knock him down, Nathan gets frustrated, and spin kicks the guy down and goes to choke him out. 'Taker pull Nathan off and calls it a day.

Back to present time, and we are ready for 'Taker vs. A-Train. Quick recap of Nathan’s rescue of 'Taker last week. In the ring, Albert tries to force Taker into the corner, but Taker powers out. Some rights, Taker grabs A-train, and it looks like he’s trying to hang him in the tree of woe, but A-Train can't hang on, so taker just kicks him and goes for a cover. Big Show pulls him out, but begs off when confronted. Taker back in, standard ‘Taker offense, adding a leg sweep (!) and cover gets two. 'Taker thrown out by A-Train, and Nathan tries to help, drawing the attention of the ref, Big Show grabs Undertaker and rams his spine into the ring post. Nathan lumbers after Big Show. 'Taker back in the ring, A-train on offense, but ‘Taker comes back. A-Train interrupts this with a Derailler, and cover attempt gets turned into a Triangle choke by ‘Taker. Both Big Show and Nathan up on the apron, and while the ref is distracted by Nathan, Big Show drops an elbow on ‘Taker to break the choke up. Nathan throws the Ref aside and goes after Big Show. After throwing a few slow rights, 'Taker says "Let me in on that!" and gives Show some rapid fire punches of his own. In all this, the Ref calls for the bell and 'Taker is disqualified. Doesn't look like he or Nathan care tho. Big Show and A-Train head for the hills and play 'Takers music!

Up Next, Commercials! And After that, Benoit and Rhyno take on Team Angle.

Back, and we get a flashback of Survivor series 2002 of Heyman screwing Lesnar.

During the Break, Stephanie forces Big Show and A-Train out.

Back to present day, Team Angle are out to take on Team Awesome in a non-title match.

All four guys stare down to start, and Shelton and Benoit start. Lockup, hammerlock into an ankle lock. Shelton grabs Benoit's foot, and Benoit goes for a headlock as Shelton ties him up. Mat wrestling transitions to arm wringer on Shelton. Tag to Rhyno, but Shelton gets a shot in. Charlie tagged in, but he runs into a drop toehold. Rhyno hits a belly to belly, Charlie into the corner and the boots laid in. Tag to Benoit, and he busts out a northern lights suplex to a pin, Charlie kicks out after 2 and tags Shelton in. He doesn’t fare much better against Benoit, tho. Shelton whipped off the ropes, blind tag by Charlie, Shelton runs into a crossface, but Charlie breaks it up. Charlie dominates for a few seconds; Benoit gets a short arm clothesline out of nowhere. Double tag, and Rhyno is out of the gates running. Knockdown for Shelton, Rhyno kicks Charlie in the head. Rhyno all over Shelton, Setting him up for the GORE! But Charlie stops him by pulling the hair from outside. Rhyno knocks him down, but turns around into a Shelton super kick. Pin attempt gets 2. Shelton up and locking in the cross arm Headlock, and we go to commercials....

Back from Commercials, we have Rhyno knocking Charlie off the apron, but receiving a kick to the kidneys from Shelton. Tag to Charlie, and they hit the leapfrogging backbreaker. Cover gets 2. Charlie sets up an arm bar headlock combination that looks painful. Rhyno fights out, but is quickly put down by Charlie and Shelton again. Tag to Shelton, and he locks in an over the shoulder headlock. Rhyno fights off again, but Shelton Russian leg sweeps Rhyno off his knee (OUCH!) Tag to Charlie, and he goes for a quick cover, getting two. Charlie goes nuts on him, tying him up in the ropes. When the ref pulls him off, Shelton gets a kick to Rhyno's face. Shelton tagged in, he tries to control, but Rhyno busts out a spine buster. Double tag, and Benoit is in for the knockdown for Shelton, knockdown for Charlie, German Hat trick on Charlie. Calling for the Flying head butt, that misses due to Shelton interference. Rhyno takes Shelton out, but Charlie is up to lock in the reverse bow and arrow. Rhyno back in to break it up, Shelton tries to help, gets a GORE! for his trouble. Charlie gives him a kick and tosses him, but walks right back into a crossface. Charlie tries to resist, but it's no use, and he eventually taps. Heels rolled out, Rhyno jumps back in and raise both their hands.

Flashback: Smackdown 3 months ago, and Heyman's announcement that he is now representing Kurt Angle. Also, later that night, Lesnar F-5’d Angle into a ring post. Up next is the Cage Match between Heyman and Lesnar, complete with Tale of the tape graphic.

We're back, and Paul is concerned about his chances. Kurt berates him for his lack of confidence. Team Angle come in arguing about their loss. Kurt gabs the both of them and tells them that a true Champion always perseveres in the face of adversity. He turns back to Heyman, tells him He WILL WIN! because they are a team!

As Paul goes to his doom, we break for a recap of the Smackdown crew’s trip to South Africa. Back to the present, and we see the lowering of the cage, and it's time for commercials.

Our Wrestlemania moment of the night is Lawrence Taylor's Wrestlemania debut against Bam Bam Bigelow.

Back to the Arena, and Lesnar is out. He enters the ring by jumping through the door onto the apron. That was cool. Heyman is out with all of Team Angle. Kurt climbs the cage to distract Brock as Team Angle jump Brock from behind and lay in the beat down. Throwing him off the cage, Boots, kicks, double flapjack. Lesnar back up with a clothesline for Charlie, clothesline for Shelton. Team Angle pinballed around, finally thrown out through the door. Brock wants Paul in the cage. Paul begs off, proclaiming many "I'm sorry's." Brock goes out to get him, but Kurt sneak attacks. This doesn't last long, and Brock gets the better of Angle, busts him open on the cage, then throwing Paul in. Bell rings, and Brock takes Paul down. Brock savors the moment a bit too long, and when he goes for the F-5, Angle is in to chop block him down. Angle throws some rights, and then locks in the ankle lock. Paul takes this moment to try and escape, but Brock grabs him as he’s exiting the door. Brock turns out of the ankle lock and kicks Kurt off, then knocks Paul out. Kurt back on Angle again, getting him in the corner and working him over. Paul tries to escape again, this time by climbing out. Lesnar powers out, switches places with Angle and hits a few shoulders to knock the wind out of Kurt, then goes after Paul. A clubbing blow to Paul’s back brings him down, and Then Heyman is picked up for the F-5. Kurt's attempt to interfere is stopped by a big boot, and Heyman FINALLY gets F-5'd. Play brocks music as Kurt and Brock stare each other down in the ring and that' it, folks!

Good show tonight, edging Raw out in the entertainment factor and killing them in the Wrestling side. The cruiserweight matches were  your standard spot-a-riffic funfests, the Team Angle vs. Benoit/Rhyno was a ton of fun and it was actually a pretty satisfying guilty pleasure to have Heyman get his comeuppance. Hopefully they jumpstart the potential challenger for Lesnar next week (PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE be Benoit!).  Hogan and McMahon walked that fine line between shoot and work that Russo so often tripped over very nicely. I do, however have to disagree with how they are handling Nathan Jones. They build him up as a Monster for how long and what do we get when he finally gets here? Tough Enough 3.5, with 'Taker taking Al Snows place. Well, nothing to do but ride this one out and hopefully 'Takers "Training" will take hold and Nathan won't be a total slug in the ring.

Overall, decent show, what you would expect from 4 weeks out from Wrestlemania.

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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