by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

WWE Bumper: Edge, Torrie, and Rock.

We join Smackdown with a melding of various artists performing the national anthem, along with a collage of pics featuring various WWE superstars posing with troops.

“Our thoughts and prayers are with the courageous men and women of the United States Armed Forces"

WWE leader.

We start with the recap of last weeks screw job on Brock.

New set of clips for "The Beautiful People", and we have PYRO! And we are Live (taped) from the Freedom Hall in Louisville, KY. Later tonight, there will be a contract signing for Hogan/McMahon at Wrestlemania, but first, the Tag team Champions are out for the opening 20-minute promo. Oh no, Tony Chimel corrects me and it's Charlie Haas vs. Rhyno (W/ Chris Benoit). Rhyno comes out swinging and tosses him around to start. He grabs the tag title and swings it around a bit. Back on Charlie, tries to whip off the rope, but Shelton holds the rope down and Rhyno tumbles out. They go to double team, but Benoit is on the chase. Charlie leads him off, and Rhyno eats a Shelton super kick. Benoit back and fending the heels off. Benoit rolls Rhyno back in, and Charlie on him, going for the submission holds. Charlie continues to work on the knee, getting him into a fold over leg bar, but Rhyno makes it to the ropes. As the ref pulls Charlie off, Shelton gets a cheap shot in, but is chased off by Benoit. Back in the ring, Charlie continues to work the knee of Rhyno. He works a little too long, and Rhyno kicks him off with his other leg, then follows up with a BBD, but collapses right after. Rhyno getting pumped up by the crowd. Both men up, big right hands from Rhyno, shoulder block, a couple suplexes, and he sets up for the gore, but Shelton trips him up. Benoit chases after him, catches him, but eats a couple elbows and gets rammed into the apron. Charlie grabs the title belt, and Shelton in to throw Rhyno into it, drawing the DQ. They work Rhyno over until Benoit jumps in to chase them off. Heels smugly retreat.

Wrestlemania moment is Bob Costas commenting on the imminent Hogan/Vince match up. "Sometimes you gotta settle the score, and sometimes you gotta settle it like a man."

The WWE slam of the week is Matt Hardy getting embarrassed by The Penguin (AKA Brian Kendrick.)

Backstage, Brian is proud of his accomplishments. Stephanie isn't, however. She yells at him for a second, and then tells him that she is giving him another chance. If he wins in a match against Shannon Moore, then he will become a WWE superstar.

Cole and Tazz analyze this development, then lead us into John Cena challenging the Rap world to a Freestyle challenge at Wrestlemania. Oh, and he had more to say about Brock.

He's Eddie, He's Chavo, and they are the brothers, Los Guererros. Today, they are on the Golf course and challenging a couple whitebreads to golf. Hilarity ensues as they tear up the links and take the snobby preps for all they have.

This leads to Up Next: Los Guererros and Rikishi shall be taking on the F.B.I.

Showdown in Little Tokyo Tomorrow night: Tazz: "These guys would make a terrific Tag Team!" yeah, if Brandon Lee wasn't dead and all, sure!

Viva la Rasa! It's time for Los Guererros and Rikishi vs. the F.B.I.   Eddie and Nunzio start. Nunzio sneak attacks to start, but that doesn't last long as Eddie hits a backbreaker. Tag to Chavo, he leaps in across Nunzio's arm. Hitting some offense, Johnny tries to interfere; Chavo throws Nunzio into him for his trouble. Chuck in, eats a couple dropkicks. Nunzio back in and he runs from Chavo. Chavo tries to whip off, but gets a knee to the back from Johnny. Nunzio comes back, half crab, Eddie breaks up. While ref is occupied with Eddie, triple team on Chavo. Once more with the half crab, but Chavo makes the ropes. Chuck tagged in, and he hits a flurry of knees. Picks him up across his shoulders, but Chavo reverses into a Tornado DDT. Tag to Eddie, Eddie all over Chuck. Hits a flying leg scissors. Johnny runs in as Eddie runs up the turnbuckles. He leaps, grabs Johnny with a leg scissors and flips them both out. Tag to Rikishi. Double clothesline. Chuck into the corner, Johnny into the corner. Nunzio drags Eddie out and lays a few boots to his back. Nunzio runs in, gets grabbed by Rikishi and whipped in on top of his teammates. Rikishi hits the triple stack splash. Nunzio and Johnny fall out, Chuck eats a savate kick. Rikishi tags Eddie back in, and he gets the pin for 3. Fortunately, the camera cuts away before Rikishi can get them to dance.

We go to commercial with more hype for the Hogan/McMahon signing.

Back from break, and Bobby Heenan (sounding awful) gives his thoughts on the match.

BOOM! And it's Rey Mysterio and he's up against Jamie Knoble (w/ Nidia). He swaps some spit with Nidia beforehand, and in the ring. Lockup, they trade some flippy floppy action until Rey reverses a power bomb into a spinning leg scissors. Rey tries again, but Jamie hotshots him off the turnbuckle and takes over. Some more offense, and Jamie throws him out. As Rey recovers, Nidia levels him with a Clothesline. Rey rolled back in. Jamie goes for a cover, but Rey kicks out. Jamie grabs him in an inverted standing Tarantula. Rey breaks out, up on Jamie’s shoulders, hits a tornado DDT. Rey with some offense, but Jamie back with a power slam. Rey kicks out, though. Jamie to the top rope. Rey springboard Dropkick puts Jamie down. Rey hits the hurricanrana. Rey about to follow up, but Nidia grabs his mask. He takes a swing at her, and she jumps down. Rey then FLATTENS her with a pescado. Jamie answers with a dropkick through the ropes. Jamie dragging Rey in. some offense, Rey gets loose and Jamie eats a couple Dropkicks. 6-1-9, followed by the West Coast Pop, and Reys streak leading into Wrestlemania continues.

Backstage, Eric Angle is on crutches and Kurt is apologizing profusely. He promises to make things right in the ring, right after this!

Medal rings out in the arena, and Eric and Kurt Angle make their way to the ring.

Kurt with the mic. When Kurt had to face Brock last week, he was a little nervous: for a second. It was then that he realized that not only is he the best athlete in the WWE, he's the Smartest too. He rehashes the genius plan from last week, and declares that he loves his brother for the sacrifice he made (and not like you love your relatives here in Louisville, you sicko's!) He goes on to call Brock a loser, an embarrassment, and a disgrace. He reiterates that he's the Champion, and Brock isn't, and he demands an apology from Brock. Instead of Brock, he gets Juggs! Steph informs him that at Wrestlemania, if anyone interferes on his behalf, if he tries to get himself counted out, DQ'd, whatever, then he forfeits the title. She says that it's not a punishment, that it's a reward. That they are two of the best athletes the WWE has ever seen, and any outside interference would taint the match. Kurt thanks Steph for her candidness, but he still wants Brock to apologize. Steph says all right, and this brings Brock out. Brock isn’t feeling very talkative tonight, tho. He gets in the ring, Clotheslines Eric out of his boots, and then chases after a scurrying Kurt. As he reaches through the ropes, Eric up with the Golota, and Kurt answers with a crutch to the throat. Steel chair thrown in the ring, set up, and Kurt Angleslams him through it! He then turns Brock over, and locks in a crossface with the knee in the kidney. Refs finally down to break it up. Kurt stands over Brock for a bit, and then exits up the ramp holding the belt high.

Back from commercial, Moments ago, Kurt and Brock had a disagreement.

Enough of that, Undertaker is out on the bike. Tonight’s victim is Bill DeMott. Circle, lock up, side headlock by 'taker. Shoved off, answers with a shoulder block. Bill back up, lockup, side headlock, pushed off, shoulder block. Bill up and trying to wrestle 'Taker down. Taker gets a leg lock; Bill reaches the ropes to break. Taker tossing Bill around, Bill hits a spine buster out of nowhere. Flurry of Bill punches is ended by "taker busting out. Old School hits. Goes for the goozle, Bill ducks, hits a belly to belly. Cover, gets 2. Taker up, ducks a Bill Clothesline, grabs the goozle, Chokeslam! "Taker picks him back up, Tombstone, and that's it. Way to take a guy that's been squashing everyone you throw at him since TE III ended, and then treat him like the jobber of the week.

Oh, and before we went to commercial, they hyped the signing thing again.

Back from commercial, and Brock is getting looked at. Turns out that it's the same rib that got broke a few months ago.

Shannon is out to Matt’s music as well as having Matt in his corner. (Tonight’s Matt Facts: Matt graciously included Shannon in his book, and Matt is Shannon’s idol).

Brian Kendrick is out with no music. Lockup, side headlock, Shannon goes behind, Brian grabs the leg wrestles him around. Shannon shoves him off. Lots of flippy floppy action is finally ended with a Shannon clothesline. Shannon covers, Kicks out. Again, kicks out. Shannon slaps on the Surfboard. Brian escapes, offense on Shannon. Shannon comes back, tries for an overhead belly to back, Brian flips out, hits a dropkick, pin, gets 2. Shannon back up with the offense. Shannon laying the boots in the corner. Ref pulls him off; Matt grabs Brian, picks him up, rotates him around, and slams him into the ring steps. Brian rolled back in, Shannon covers, only gets two! He lays some boots in, Matt throws another cheap shot in for good measure. This draws Rey Mysterio out. Matt tries to back body drop him, Rey bounces off the ropes and hits a legs scissors. Back in the ring, Brian ties Shannon up into a small package, 1-2-3, and Brian has a new job! Crowd goes nuts! Play Reys music, and fade to commercial.

Back from commercials, and it's another update on the War. Looks like Iraqi soldiers are surrendering en masse.

Back to the wrasslin, and it's a Wrestlemania moment: the Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper boxing match.

Cole and Tazz go over the Match list for Wrestlemania. And the award for goofiest face in an animated graphic goes to Steven Richards.

From here, we go to the Wrestlemania hype from New York a few days ago.

Back to present day, Vince and his lawyer go over the contract for the match. Vince confirms that if Hogan loses, he will indeed never wrestle again. They chuckle, and walk out.

The boot of the week is Stephanie making the triple threat match for the tag titles at Wrestlemania.

Now! Benoit is out, accompanied by Rhyno. He will be taking on the other half of Team angle, Shelton Benjamin. Shelton takes his time getting in the ring. In the ring, they circle, and Benoit goes after him HARD! Knife Edges, suplexes, cover, kicks out at 1. Short arm clothesline, and Benoit gets him in the corner for the Canadian violence. Shelton explodes out, tho, gets a clothesline of his own, some boots laid in, and cover gets two. Shelton up, knees to Benoits back, surfboard. Benoit slips out, but Shelton stays on him. Into the corner, Shelton pounding on him, getting a big chest rake. Slapping Benoit around. Shelton pulls him out and goes for the power bomb, Benoit gets out and locks in the Crossface. Shelton gets out and makes the ropes. They break, and Shelton tries to come back, but he falls prey to another crossface. Charlie tries to interfere, but eats a GORE! from Rhyno. Shelton tries to hold out, but taps eventually.

Up next, we finally get the contract signing!

Justin Timberlake pitches Ballys. Has he ever even been inside a Ballys?

Back, and Fred Durst stinks up our TV in preparation for Wrestlemania. He's always wanted to be in the event. How about a few stiff chair shots from Chris Jericho?

Back to the arena, and the red carpet is out, and Mean Gene Okurland is out to do the introductions. Hogan out first, giving us out weekly taste of voodoo chile. After the requisite monster pop, Gene tries to get some interview time in, but is interrupted by Hogan giving props to his Hulkamaniacs. They go over the stipulations of the contract, in Hogan’s own unique way, and he reassures us all that he will never let Hulkamania die. He rambles on about this for a bit (nothing we haven’t heard before). Hogan finally calls Vince down. Backstage, Vince is walking along, telling everyone he sees to watch what happens next. Back out to the ring, No Chance starts, but a trap door behind Hogan pops up, and Vince is there with a steel chair to lay Hogan out. A few choice shots to Hogan’s back, he waits for Hogan to get up, and blasts him in the head! Vince casually goes over and signs the contract. He returns to Hogan, and proceeds to go all Abdullah the Butcher on Hogan’s forehead, stabbing it repeatedly with the pen! He then takes Hogan’s hand, dips it in his blood, and smears it across Hogan’s line of the contract. Vince holds it up for all of us to see, makes his way up the ramp. One last shot of the bloodied Hogan, one of Vince and his maniacal grin, and we are out.

I dunno, for some reason, Smackdown didn't really click with me this week. Yeah, most of the matches were enjoyable, and the sports entertainment segments did their job, but I just couldn't get into this weeks show. The Hogan/Vince signing was killed to death with them hyping it every other commercial break. Bill DeMott has gone from squashing jobbers on Velocity to being a JTTS for Undertaker. Benoit and Rhyno's matches were extremely short, and the rest of the matches, at the risk of sounding like a Smark, were just there. The good of tonight’s show? Brian Kendrick with a damn fine match against Shannon Moore providing the feel good moment of the week, and Los Guererros providing some good laughs. Any other week, Smackdown would have been the winner, but this week, on the wrestling and entertainment standpoint, I'd have to give it to Raw.

And on that note, I'm off to watch the M-1 Abrams tanks march into Iraq.

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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