by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Ahh, moving. For over a month, I've been slowly but steadily moving my gear into a new house. I had hoped that my cable would be ready by the time I was completely moved in, but as it turned out, there was only one working outlet in the house, and it was connected to the cable modem and my housemates TV and Monday night is Stargate: SG-1 night for him. Combine that with the fact I was still working over night shifts (worked my last one tonight) and Monday became impossible to recap. I was able to catch it on tape a day later, tho, and thanks for the save in recapping, Rick. As of now, my room has hooked up, I have my own entertainment center of doom (TV, stereo, 4-Head HiFi, PS2 and GameCube) and I'm back in the recapping mode. So without further ado:

5 Minutes out: Has John Cena's mouth gotten him into more trouble than he can handle? Find out next on Smackdown!

UPN Bumper is still the same (Edge, Torrie, Rock). WWE leader, and we go right into Beautiful people, and it's a big exploding fist as we are live (taped) from the Gaylord Center in Nashville. It's 3 days till backlash, and tonight Rikishi and Piper meet in the ring, there's a Sable invitational, and Brock Lesnar takes on A-Train.

Starting us off, it's #1 contenda John Cena out for some wrasslin action. He tells the audience that they have been playing hooky on the Thuganomics classes. He runs down his accomplishments on the road to becoming the #1 contender ("Who beat the Undertaker?" "THE FBI!") But before we can get to the match, John has some footage for us concerning Brock, footage that will change our perception of Brock and prove that he's not a worthy champion. God I hope it's not more necrophilia footage. John is about to go on, but is interrupted by Rhyno racing to the ring in a hurry to get the action started. Circle, lockup, Rhyno with the side headlock, then a shoulder block to knock John down. John up and trying a hip toss, but Rhyno stops that with a big clothesline then tosses him out of the ring. Rhyno out after him to roll him back in. as Rhyno comes back in, John stops him with a dropkick, then lays into him with knees and kicks, finishing off with a leg drop across the neck from the second rope. Cena out and bending Rhyno backwards across the barricade. Back in the ring, cover, gets 2. Cena slaps on an arm bar with a knee across Rhyno's face. Rhyno fights back up, but Cena with a knockdown to stop that. Cover gets two, and he goes back to the arm bar. Crowd psyches Rhyno up, tho. Cena tries to apply a full nelson, but Rhyno arm drags his way out of it. Rhyno on the offense, with a back body drop and a big Clothesline to follow up. Double underhook suplex, cover, gets 2. Cena with a knee to the gut and a jumping snapmare. Rhyno tries to swing away, but Cena hits the turning Sidewalk slam. Cover gets 2. Rhyno come back with a sidewalk slam, setting up for the gore, Rhyno charges but eats one of Cena's knees. Rhyno tries to slam him, but Cena kicks off, bounces off the rope and gets a sloppy rollup for the win.

Backstage, Sean O’Hare and Hot Rod, Rowdy Roddy Piper are here for Roddy's first action in years!

Back from commercials, and more hype for Hogans... I mean Mr. America's debut. This can't be anything but bad.

Back to the arena, and Cole and Tazz speculate about the forthcoming Mr. America. "With a name like that, he'd better be good!" After that, we go to footage from earlier today of Benoit having a confrontation with the Full Blooded Italians at the coffee machine. The FBI were stupid enough to bet on pro wrestling and since Benoit lost, the FBI lost, and they have come to collect their losses. Benoit isn't impressed with their swaggering. "You guys are betting on pro wrestling. How friggin lame is that?" OK, he didn't really say that, but he DID say that if they really want their money, then they can try and collect tonight, in the ring. Nunzio does his best Travis Bickle ("What? You talking to me?") and Benoit pushes past them to enjoy his coffee in private (decaf, I hope).

Elsewhere, Josh Matthews is with a lady who needs no introduction: Sable. He asks what exactly a Sable invitational is. Sable answers by vamping all over him, causing him to stutter like a 14 year old. She tells him to stay tuned and walks off. Tazz makes a comment that Josh is scared stiff, and on that note; it's time for commercial.

Back, and after a beautiful outside shot of the Gaylord Arena, we get a video recap of the WWE superstars (Sable, Dawn Marie, Rey Mysterio, and Rhyno) getting a tour of one of the ships in port. I'm sure they would have liked to have toured the Enterprise or something equally impressive, but all the good ships are deployed, you know, doing the whole defending America thing.

Back live to the arena, and Nunzio (w/ FBI) is out to take on Chris Benoit. As Chris approaches the ring, Johnny and Chuck flank him with Nunzio up by the ropes. Chris goes to give Johnny a piece of his mind, and Nunzio surprises him with a slingshot body press, knocking him down. FBI beat down before the bell rings, Benoit rolled in, and Nunzio goes for the quick cover, but Benoit kicks out. Benoit going nuts on Benoit with the SICILIAN VIOLENCE! Benoit comes back; laying in some MAN SIZED chops on Nunzio. Benoit runs him corner to corner, but is tripped up by Johnny. As he's recovering, Nunzio hits the Sicilian slice, cover, gets 2. More boots layed in, body slam, cover gets 1. Nunzio working him over in the corner, forearm tot he face, swinging neck breaker, cover gets two. Nunzio up to argue with the ref over the speed of his count, Benoit takes advantage by getting a quick rollup that Nunzio kicks out of in short order. Nunzio takes over again, rolling snap mare, Cover, but Benoit has one of the ropes. Nunzio up, trying for another swinging neck breaker, but Benoit grabs the rope and Nunzio falls on his head. Benoit back with the knife-edges. Nunzio grabs a kick attempt, and then eats a wicked ENZIGURI! Both men down, as they get back up, Benoit takes control with a flying forearm, back body drop, and it's time for the Rolling Germans! Chuck tries to interfere, so Benoit suplexes Nunzio into him! Johnny in, Benoit makes short work of him and posts him out of the ring. Nunzio tries for the Arrivederci, which Benoit promptly reverses into the Crossface. Nunzio taps in short order.

Chuck runs in after and Benoit has a crossface for him too. Johnny breaks that up, tho and the beat down commences. Johnny holds and Chuck hits the jungle kick. Johnny with a gorilla press into the power slam and Benoit is left lying. FBI walks out raising Chucks arm high (and Chuck wincing in pain) as we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, and Tajiri and Funaki are having fun at Big Show's expense. (I believe one of the statements that Funaki makes is a sarcastic, "Aww are you all right" when Big Show eats Rey's 619 from last week.) The call him Baka (Idiot) a few times, and Tajiri imitates Big Shows pratfall from last week. Their fun is interrupted by an irate Big Show barging in and smashing their TV as they flee.

Out to the arena, Rey Mysterio is out to show off his new 6-1-9 pendant. Get yours at Shopzone today! His opponent for tonight: Matt Hardy (only one Matt Fact tonight: Matt only uses low fat salad dressings.) Matt is curiously not dressed in any ring attire. Oh wait; Matt isn't his opponent, It's Crash (W/ Shannon Moore). In the ring, and Shannon coaches Crash on strategy as Matt takes a seat at the announce position. Rey goes ahead as gets the jump on Shannon, dropkicking him out of the ring, but while he trash talks him, Crash attacks from behind, knocking Rey down and going for a quick pin, but Rey kicks out. Rey hotshotted on the ropes, then a standing arm bar locked in on Rey. Rey makes the ropes, but Crash drags him back to the center and locks the arm bar again. Rey steps up and reverses into a head scissors sending Crash flying. Rey tries to follow up, but Crash has a fist to the gut. Rey into the corner, he gets a boot up for a charging crash, but Crash comes right back with a T-Bone suplex. Crash looks to go for a German, but Rey elbows out, then spins into a drop toe hold. Rey picking crash up, but Crash with a hammerlock, throwing Rey out of the ring. Shannon takes the time to introduce Rey's skull to Matt's book, and he rolls him back in. Crash with a cover, Rey kicks out, tho, and Crash getting frustrated. Crash squashing Rey in the corner, but Rey back with a bulldog to gain the advantage. Rey with the West Coast Pop. He tries a Thesz press, but Crash catches him and looks to counter, but Rey counters THAT into a nice spinning DDT.  Cover, only gets 2. Shannon fakes his way in; Rey chases him off, Crash with the Greco Roman eye poke. Heel miscommunication has Crash accidentally taking Shannon out, setting Crash up for the 619. Shannon tries to attack, but gets Back body dropped over the corner of the ring. Rey with a springboard leg drop and the pin gets 1-2-3! Rey celebrates, but Matt isn't pleased.

Backstage, John Cena pep talks A-Train, getting so enthusiastic about it that he knocks the VCR off the TV. He has something to show A-Train, so he picks the VCR back up and shows us the shocking footage of Brock dropping A-Train on his head with a botched F-5 at some undetermined show in the past. A-Train isn't pleased with the memory of it being brought back up and grabs Cena by the chain, declaring the Brock will feel his pain!

Later tonight, we get Brock and A-Train, but up next, it's Rikishi vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper!

The Stacker 2 burn of the night is Rikishi getting laid out 2 weeks ago by Roddy and Sean.

Back to the arena, Rikishi is out for his match against Roddy (W/ Sean O'Hare). Sean looks like a pervy flasher wearing his trunks under a long coat. Roddy mocks Sunka's trademark pose to start. He whips the Kilt off, takes off the shirt and OH GOD I'M BLIND!!! I saw a whitefish in my local supermarket that looked like that the other day. He tosses the shirt at Rikishi, who chases him around for a second until Sean distracts him and Piper hits the low blow and takes over. Rikishi comes back, hits the stomp on Pipers gut. Piper squashed in the corner, and Sean tries to interfere again, but Rikishi knocks him down. Rikishi going for the stink face, but Sean is back up and attacking Rikishi for the DQ. Sean with a jumping spin kick, then a reverse DVD to leave Rikishi lying. Piper raises his hand, and the heels celebrate as we go to commercial.

Back, and the Nouvelles say stuff in French and call us Americans classless.

Sable is out for the Sable invitational. She does some more vamping and tells us that it's a bikini contest. All the girls except Torrie accepted her invitation. Sable says it's because Torrie has been getting fat, so she goes ahead and calls out the contestants: Nidia and Dawn Marie. Before the contest can start, tho, Torrie surprises us all by coming out to enter the contest. Finally the start, and Nidia embarrasses us all with her gyrations. Dawn Marie is a little more natural with hers. Torrie, of course, draws the biggest cheers, especially when she goes and gives Sable a lap dance. Sable deliberates for a minute, then decides to give the contest to Dawn Marie and Nidia. Torrie is amused by this, and Nidia goes for the good sport handshake, but Dawn Marie sneak attacks. They beat Torrie down, and hold her for Sable. Sable picks up Torries lollipop and tells Torrie that the only real loser here tonight is her.

Backstage, Los Guererros pump themselves up for their match next!

This week on Confidential: Kurt Angle on the road to recovery.

Back to the arena, and Shelton Benjamin (W/ Charlie Haas) is out. Earlier today, Charlie and Shelton dedicated their impending victory at Backlash to Kurt Angle, and Shelton read his lines with is eyes closed. Los Guererros are out, and tonight is Chavo doing the work.

Shelton tries to taunt Chavo with the title, but Chavo knocks it away and they brawl for a second. Circling, and they mat wrestle for a minute, ending with a Chavo shoulder block. Shelton back up with a hammerlock, but Chavo reverses with a standing dropkick, following up with a clothesline. Shelton bails, Chavo chases, lays in the rights and rolls him back in. Shelton goes for a kick, but Chavo catches it and floors him with a Clothesline. Chavo keeping the pressure on, slamming Shelton in the corner and hitting a springboard, turnover swanton. Cover, but Shelton kicks out. Chavo tries to keep it up, but Shelton gets a knee in and takes over. Chavo whipped around, Shelton hits a nice looking throw, and keeps up the pressure, concentrating on Chavo's back. Camel clutch applied, but Chavo makes the ropes. Shelton back with the offense, Chavo gets a few shots in, and then turns the tide with a faceplanter, followed up with a couple dropkicks. Cover, but Shelton kicks out. Shelton throws Chavo into the ropes in desperation, and tries to capitalize, but Chavo comes back and locks in an STF. Charlie tries to interfere, but Eddie chases him off. As the ref is distracted with Eddie, tho, Charlie sneaks back in and drags Shelton over to the ropes. The ref sees Shelton on the ropes and forces the break. Eddie goes after Charlie on the outside, but as Chavo is distracted by this, Shelton attacks. Chavo tries to hit a rollup, but a quick boot to the head from Charlie reverses the rollup and the ref counts 3 for Shelton. After the match, Los Guererros get their heat back by attacking Team angle and sending them running.

Backstage, A-Train shadowboxes and John Cena hypes him up against Brock.

Ok, it's not enough that reality TV has control of our TV, but they have to invade out movie theatres with The Real Cancun?

The Slam of the week is the 619 on Big Show last week.

Big Show is out to take on Tajiri. MMmmm, I love squash, why do you ask? Tajiri sizes Big Show up, possibly contemplating strategy. Might I suggest something in a .12 gauge? Match goes as expected, Show squashes him for a minute or so; Tajiri gets his token offense in on Big Show crotching himself. He goes for the springboard elbow; Big show stops that with a big boot. At this point, the lights go down, and Rey's entrance starts up. Big Show waits for it, but Rey doesn't show. Big Show turns around and walks into a flurry of kicks from Tajiri. Tajiri going for the boot to the head, but Big Show blocks and hits the chokeslam. Before he can Cover, Rey is out on the ropes. Big Show makes chase, and Rey hides behind the ring steps. Big Show kicks them, but Rey isn't there. Big Show looks for him, but Rey comes from behind and posts Big Show, knocking him down. All this time, the Ref has been counting, and when the bell rings and the Ref announces that Tajiri wins because of a count out, Big Show goes berserk, and we all share a quick chuckle at Show's expense.

Backstage, Brock does some leg squats with some nitrogen bottles. At 150 pounds (68 kilos for the rest of the world) each, that's no joke.

Back from commercial, and we check out Stephanie's booty from a gratuitous camera angle. She admits that she's no Torrie Wilson, but that's the beauty of America, different body types for every fetish, or something like that. This analogy is used to introduce a video package hyping Next weeks debut of Mr. America!

Back from the promo, and Tazz makes the profound observation that Mr. America is definitely American. Cole shakes his head and they run down the card for Backlash.

After this, John Cena is out for an unscheduled appearance for a bit of free styling. Haw, during this, he references his old Gimmick ("I'm the new big thing, dude. You ain't even a Prototype!")

Clang Clang, and here comes A-Train out for his non-title contest against Brock, who is all smiles. Brock locks eyes with Cena at the announce position and we go to commercial.

Back form commercial, and A-Train and Brock are in the middle of tying up. They test their power against each other for a bit, then Brock goes amateur style to take A-train down. Brock staying on A-train until A-Train rams him into the corner. Brock no-sells all of A-Trains offense, and they both go for shoulder blocks, sending both men to the floor. Both men back up, and A-Train gets a kick in to take over. This doesn't last long as Brock Clotheslines A-Train down and commences the offense. A-Train sent out. Brock working on him outside, Cena taunting him from his position. Brock is distracted and gets knocked down by A-Train. A-Train dragging him back in, cover only gets 2. A-Train continuing the offense. Cover, but Brock has the ropes. A-Train with the headlock, then going for the surfboard, then back to the headlock. Brock powers back up, but A-Train knocks him down. Lesnar hits a desperation spinebuster. A-Train going for the Baldo bomb, But Brock busts out and gets the second wind. Series of Clotheslines, followed up by a powerslam. Cover gets two. Brock hitting a couple belly-to-belly overhead suplex's. Going for the 3rd, but A-Train head butts out, then hit's the Baldo bomb. Brock kicks out! Brock back up, A-Train picked up for the F-5! F-5 hits! Cover, but Cena is in to draw the DQ. Cena picking Brock up, DVD! Cena bails, grabs the title, then he's back in to lay Brock out with it, busting him open. Cena exits the ring gesturing that the Belt is his, and Brock is left bleeding as we fade out.

Smackdown seemed to hit on all cylinders this week, giving us the right mix of Entertainment and wrestling. And While Raw's non finish blew chunks, Smackdown's DQ finish actually set up the PPV match perfectly, leaving Cena with one up on Brock and momentum going into Sunday. I was definitely entertained. See everyone Sunday!

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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