OO TV/Event Recaps: SmackDown! (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania, SummerSla

OO SMACKDOWN! RECAP
Stumbling Towards Judgment Day
May 16, 2003

by Nick Rini
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

- Before I begin my first review for OnlineOnslaught.com I just want to give a quick tip of the cap to Rick for giving me the shot. Anyway, I'm NOT giving you a long boring bio of myself. Because it's boring for me, and because it's too early for you to care. Most importantly, you'll get to know what matters, meaning what I like and who I like, and what I dislike, and who I dislike in the wrestling world pretty damn quickly through these reviews. Anyway, Here We Go!:

- Your 5-15-2003 Episode of Smackdown!:

- Hosted by Michael Cole & Tazz from Baltimore.

- No camera time for Tazz or Cole- We're going straight to the aisle, as Vince McMahon's "No Chance" music is playing, and he's strutting into the ring to talk about Hogan. Might as well get this segment out of the way. Vince says that we all know that Mr. America is Hulk Hogan. And Vince is pissed about it. He then says that Hogan is greedy and deceitful and tells the crowd to shut up a few times. The crowd responds with What and Asshole chants. Vince then says that Hogan also hits women too. He then shows the video clip from last week, where Vince attempted to remove Hogan's mask, and Big Steph fell on her ass. And then Hogan carried her to the back, as if Stephanie was Elizabeth, and if this was 1989. Anyway, Vince then says that he's not gonna kick Hogan's ass himself, because Hogan isnt worth it. Instead, he wants a heel to step forward at Judgment Day and fight Hogan.

- Then, OF ALL PEOPLE, the F.B.I. comes out and interrupt Vince. Cole, Tazz, Vince, me, you, and everyone else are shocked that these guys are part of this segement. Nunzio sucks up to Vince and volunteers his F.B.I. to take out Hogan. To impress Vince he then plays a video package showing the F.B.I. beating up Undertaker,Nathan Jones, and Benoit. I don't care how many video clips they show, I'm not buying the F.B.I. as anything but midcard comic relief. Vince then says that he'll meet with the F.B.I. to discuss it, but then Rikishi's music plays, and we have a match between Palumbo and Rikishi, while Vince and Nunzio head to the back. Before I get to the match, I gotta say that while I like this gimmick, these three guys suck. Nunzio's a pretty good cruiserweight, and Palumbo & Johnny the Bull are decent tag team wrestlers, but together as a group, the results are less than inspiring.

- 1st match: Rikishi vrs. Chuck Palumbo. Palumbo hits Rikishi while his back is turned, and pounds him in the corner with kicks. Nice punch to the face by Palumbo and then a whip to the corner, which is reversed. Rikishi whips Palumbo again to the opposite post, and then as Palumbo walks out of the corner he eats a clothesline from Rikishi. Johnny the Bull then hops onto the ring apron to try to distract Rikishi, which doesn't work- Palumbo runs at Rikishi and instead hits Johnny the Bull. Palumbo gets DDT'ed for a two count. Palumbo takes control with kicks and punches, but Rikishi ducks a punch and hits Chuck w/ a belly to belly for a two count. Palumbo broke up the count by putting his foot on the ropes. Legdrop by Rikishi. Johnny the Bull distracts Rikishi again, and this time it works, as Chuck kicks Rikishi in the face with a big boot. Superkick miss by Palumbo and Rikishi hits his superkick instead. Clothesline, Samoan drop, and a splash in the corner by Rikishi. Rikishi attempts a stinkface, but Johnny the Bull gets in the ring, and gets hit with a superkick too. Palumbo then hits Rikishi with his superkick for the 3 count. ½*

- We cut to Brock entering the arena as Palumbo and the Bull beat on Rikishi. He runs out, gets a real nice pop, and F-5's Palumbo. Thank you Brock for ending crappy segments.We hit a commercial break.

- We're back, and Steph tells Brock that he better be ready this Sunday for the Big Show and the stretcher match, "The most barbaric match ever" in her words. Wow, almost every time Steph talks she sounds like an idiot.

- Cole and Tazz say how great Stephanie is, and then show a clip of Hogan visiting army hospitals. Nope, you can't go wrong showing wrestlers visiting our troops. There's no way I can criticize that!

- Torrie comes out to the ramp in a robe, and then takes it off to show a blue bikini. She says that she'll wear something even more revealing on Sunday.

- Someone has left two sets of flowers in Big Steph's office, one with a red and yellow ribbon, another with a red, white and blue ribbon. Steph then says that this is evidence that Hogan and Mr. America are two different people. Good grief. I can't figure out this storyline at all: Are we supposed to think that Steph is messing with Vince by hiring his enemy, or that she's just a moron? I'm going with the latter. Steph leaves, possibly for the night, and Vince throws the vases of flowers against the wall. Another bad segment, we havent had a good one yet.

- Commercial break.

- We're back, and Tazz & Cole say that Rey Mysterio is almost ready to wrestle, and in fact that he will be in the arena tonight for an interview.

- 2nd Match, Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy Version One vrs. Taijiri. Matt has Shannon AND Crash with him. This might be the match of the night, if given any time. Matt armdrags Taijiri and poses. Taijiri snapmares Matt and poses. Matt whose obviously offended by Taijiri's arrogance, then proceeds to jump him with kicks and punches. Whip to the corner is reversed by Taijiri into a drop toehold and a kick to the back. Spinning heel kick for two. Whip to the corner by Taijiri who then runs at Matt, who tries to backdrop him out of the ring, but Taijiri lands on the ring apron and kicks Hardy in the head. Shannon then grabs Taijiri, allowing Matt to take control with a clothesline and a suplex. Kicks to the gut,and he whips Taijiri to the corner. Matt runs in and eats elbow, but then he counters with a Side Effect for a two count. Abdominal Stretch by Hardy, as Crash reads Matt's book. How long has he been reading that thing anyway? I dunno, but you think that he would be finished by now. Another whip to the corner, and Tajiri hops onto the turnbuckle to attempt a flying splash, Matt grabs him and attempts a Razor's Edge, but Taijiri escapes and Matt gets kicked in the face. Taijiri kicks Matt about 10 times with small quick kicks, and then hits the handspring elbow. Shannon is up on the ring apron, but Taijiri knocks him off and connects with a nice springboard dropkick for a two count. Tarantula by Taijiri! Taijiri is going for the big kick to the head, but Crash distracts him, and Matt hits the Twist of Fate for the win. **

- After the match and on the floor Matt Hardy then says that he too wants to wrestle Hogan at Judgment Day, and also gets some cheap heat in the process. Matt's character is one of the real highlights of Smackdown! right now. Taijiri then flattens him and Shannon Moore with a flying crossbody.

- In the back Eddy Guerrero is talking to the picture of Kurt Angle that he and Chavo stole from Team Angle last week. He's also wearing one of Kurt's medals. In a nice bit of exposition he tells Kurt and the audience that Chavo is hurt (What a MAJOR bummer that Chavito is hurt, he's one of the best workers on Smackdown, and part of the best match on the Judgment Day card. I hope that he's not out for long. ) and that he's gonna wrestler Shelton Benjamin later tonight. Eddy then draws a mustache on the Kurt Angle painting, to try to make Angle look like a Spanish guy, cute segement. We go to commercial.

- We get a really good Judgment Day PPV promo featuring Big Show & Brock. That will always be one of the WWE's primary strengths, their video department can make any match look epic and look like it's worth paying money to see. That was something that WCW never got quite right.

- Hulk Hogan, I mean Mr. America is walking into the arena and Big Steph kisses him on the cheek and thanks him for the flowers as she leaves. Ugh. Hogan shouldn't have to kiss her.

- Thugonomics Time- John Cena is in the ring wearing a classic Mariners jersey.He too then challenges Mr. America. I'm just amazed that Vince has made Hogan the centerpiece of the promotion, does he really think that Hogan is gonna draw back wrestling fans? Or that Hogan will draw in new viewers? It just shows how out of touch he is. Anyway, Cena switches gears from rapping about Hogan to rapping about Benoit, so I guess that's who he's gonna wrestle tonight. And here's the match:

- Chris Benoit vrs. John Cena. Cole brings up that Benoit has extra motivation to beat Cena, since he lost to him last month in the #1 Contender tournament. Long lockup, and both men exchange forearms. A chop by Benoit, then a whip of the ropes and a running knee to the gut by the Wolverine. Side backbreaker for one by Benoit. More Chops- Ouch! Benoit is punching and kicking away in the corner and the ref tries to make Benoit stop, allowing Cena to assert himself with a forearm to the back of the head, and a nice clothesline. Cena throws Beoit shoulder first into the ringpost for a two count. Armbar by Cena. Cena is still really feeling his way in the ring, it seems to me that he hasn't had a good match in about six months. Benoit tries to fight his way out of the armbar but gets thrown down. Then Cena throws Benoit into the post shoulder first for another two. Armlock bodyslam for another two count. Arn Anderson must of shown him that. Whip by Cena into the corner is reversed by Benoit who then eats boot, but he tries to fight back with chops. Sweet snap suplex by Benoit as the F.B.I. comes out to the ring. Benoit is distracted, and Cena knocks him to the floor. We go to a commercial break. I guess that this is gonna be the two segment match of the night. We come back, and Cena has Benoit in a headlock in the ring. Man, Cena needs to develop a moveset pronto, what's with all these chinlocks and headlocks? Shoulderblock for another two count by Cena. Another armbar bodyslam for two. Cena doesn't know what to do in this match at all. He throws Benoit into the corner arm first. He does it again. Then he attempts a 3rd armbar bodyslam and Benoit reverses into dropkick. Benoit is laying in the corner, and Cena takes a run at him and gets drop toeholded into the 2nd turnbuckle. Rollup for two by Benoit, a chop, and a clothesline and a running elbow. German suplex by the Crippler. He goes to the top and hits the flying headbutt! Nunzio then runs in the ring and gets thrown right out- then Benoit slaps the crossface on Cena but Johnny the Bull interferes for the DQ finish. *3/4 Then Rhyno runs out and Gores Johnny. Nunzio is back in, and he hits Rhyno in the knee with a steel chair and Rhyno goes down. Then, Brian Kendrick runs in and clears out Nunzio and Cena. Maybe Kendrick should fight Mr. America, he just took out the F.B.I. and the former #1 Contender to the WWE Title!

- Cole and Tazz tease the Piper's Pit with Guess who- Mr.America!

- Hokey Kurt Angle promo- I guess that he's still gonna be a heel when he comes back.
I miss you in the worst way Kurt, get healthy and come back soon. We need you in the worst way. Commercial break.

- WWE promo for their overseas Tour last week.

- Piper's Pit- Roddy is with Sean O'Haire. I like the idea of Piper being Sean O'Haire's manager, BUT, I don't like that O'Haire is becoming Piper's henchman. Piper then rants about Hogan and Mr. America like everyone else tonight, and says he wants him at the PPV. Hogan comes out, and gets a decent pop. He has a flag with him, which he gives to a fan. Hogan says that he'd by glad to fight Piper. Blah, Blah, Blah. Piper and Hogan argue about their past history and America. BTW, this segment is just terrible. Piper then sends O'Haire to take the flag away from the idiot fan, which distracts Hogan. (Since when did Roddy Piper hate America?) Piper jumps Hogan who fights back, and he then gets beat down by Sean O'Haire. The idiot fan then runs into the ring and gets beat up by Piper who rips his prosthetic leg off. I guess that this must be Tenacious Z (I think that's his name) who I've heard about. This segment is like a Twilight Zone segment. Piper and O'Haire are so freaked by ripping off the kid's leg that they leave the ring, and the shocked look on their faces make this segment almost worthwhile.

- Video recap of of segment, and we also Hogan helping Tenacious Z to the back.

- Shelton Benjamin vrs. Eddie Guerrero. Eddie is wearing a sombrero, and he has the picture of Angle and Angle's medal. Meanwhile Vince is yelling at Piper at O'Haire for beating up a crippled fan. We go to the match, as Eddie and Shelton trade forearms and kicks. Benjamin hits a powerslam and a back suplex. Benjamin maintains the advantage with punches, and a suplex for two. Then he puts on a chinlock, and then a bodyslam. Benjamin goes to the top rope, but Eddie pops up and hits a hurricanrana from the top rope. Nice move. Benjamin ducks a clothesline and hits Eddiewith a clothesline and a nice delayed powerbomb. Guerrero gets whipped off the ropes and then dropkicks Shelton in the mush. Another clothesline for Eddy, and he chokes Benjamin in the corner with the tag rope for fun. Then he punches him a few times too. Triple Vertical Suplexes by Guerrero, and Charlie Haas runs out with a ladder, Eddie turns around-and gets superkicked in the face for the 3 count! **1/4 Too bad this match ended so quick, it was working real nice.
Eddie then fights off both of Team Angle and breaks the Angle picture on Shelton Benjamin's head. I've been waiting for that to happen since they introduced the picture a month ago.

- In the back, Vince yells at Piper and O'Haire. Vince then gives Piper the match against Hogan at the PPV. I thought for sure O'Haire would get that match instead, and I think that would have been the better move. At least we've never seen that match before. Comercial break.

- We come back with a promo for this week's Confidential, about Miss Elizabeth's death. Maybe it's just me, but I find this sorta tasteless, but it's tough to not watch. This is a really strange strange segment to put on Smackdown. I'm not sure why Vince is doing this, is it for ratings, or as some sort of weird public service message? Or Vince's way of absolving himself from blame? A really strange segment.

- Sable comes to the top of the ramp, and shows off her bikini.

- Cole and Tazz run down the Judgment Day card. More on that later.

- Rey Mysterio backstage interview- he's talking directly to Cole and Tazz, and he says that he can't wait to come back and win the Cruiserweight Title. Big Show then grabs Rey Mysterio like if he was a child, and gorilla presses him into the ring, and throws in a stretcher too. But Rey fights back, and hits a 619. He then attempts a crossbody off the top rope- Big Show catches him and Samoan drops him. Show picks up Rey for a chokeslam but Brock runs in, minus the music and hits Show with the stretcher and F-5's him. Big Show then takes the F-5 wrong, on his back instead of face-first. Big Show slowly gets up as he and Brock have a staredown, then Mysterio hits Show with a flying bulldog and runs out of the ring. Big Show gets up and continues his staredown with Brock as Tazz says that the Big Show can't lose on Sunday.

- THE RECAP: 2/10
- This was a totally worthless show. Move along, nothing to see here folks. Ever since Heyman was removed as head writer of Smackdown the show has been on a slippery slope downwards, then add in losing Kurt Angle and Edge, and instead adding Hogan, and Smackdown is in bad shape right now. Tonight's show had way too much Hogan and Vince, and not enough Brock, Guerrero, Rhyno, Mysterio, Benoit, Hardy and Cena. Those men are the stars of Smackdown that they need to build around- not Hogan, Steph, Piper and Vince. Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn't talk about Judgment Day a little. On paper it's the WWE's weakest show of the year, with no standout matches on the card. Even if the in-ring action is weak, if the matches are booked correctly it could still be a decent show. To me the most interesting parts of the show are Triple H vrs. Kevin Nash (for the politics involved) and the I-C Battle Royal. I would definitely enter Goldberg into that match and have him win it. With that said, unless you're seeing this show as part of a group of people like I am, there's no way you should pay $35.00 to see it. Anyway, I'm outta here, and if you like what you read then it cant hurt to drop Rick a line and let him know. Look for me to do some more reviews in the future!

E-MAIL NICK
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