by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Ahh, and so I return from my vacation!

First off, I want to thank Nick Rini for doing an awesome job filling my shoes while I was away. And wouldn't you know it, I give wrestling a miss one week to go home and spend time with my family on my Birthday, and we get the debut of one of the wrestlers that I've been chomping at the bit to see, Tenacious Z. Yeah, he was relegated to simply being abused by Roddy Piper, but still, I was looking forward to his WWE debut. Well, hopefully tonight he'll wow us all.

Speaking of my Birthday, now, I know that none of you really knew it was coming up, but next year, on May 15th, I expect all of the millions ("AND MILLIONS!") of Big Danny T's fans out there to shower me with gifts and adulation. Or a Klondike bar or two, whatever works for you.

Oh, and has anyone else had the problem of getting Linkin Park's new CD, "Meteora" to play in Winamp? The CD rocks, and the extras are pretty sweet if you are an LP fan (Like me^_^), but for whatever reason, winamp just doesn't like the CD on my computer.

Anyway, enough of my whinin' time for some wrasslin!

5 minutes out: Will the identity of Mr. America be revealed? Stay Tuned!

Brock Lesnar puts the fear of god in us for the Click it or Ticket campaign. Looked like a local spot.

Wawa, Specialty sandwiches. Damn, don't they know better than to taunt a hungry fat man?

They replay the Brock Lesnar spot; we get the WWE Leader, and the replay of Hogan’s triumph over Roddy piper with the help of Tenacious Zack.

Outside the arena, Mr. McMahon exits the limo ANGRILY, Blows off a few backstage persons, and stomps into the arena, angrily demanding the mic. Mr. McMahon is EXTREMELY upset. He's upset at all the mistakes that have been made on Smackdown, particularly the hiring of Mr. America, where they all started. Everyone knows the Mr. America is Hogan, but every attempt has failed, including the attempt at Judgment Day, and to add insult to injury, Some Handicapped kid in a Mr. America shirt assaulted him at Judgment Day. Well, even though Stephanie is still General Manager, Vince is taking the reigns tonight and by the end of tonight, Vince will be happy, he guaran-damn-tees it! Something tells me that Vince's pleasure will not equate out to pleasure for Mr. America.

We get a new intro for Smackdown that sounds strangely like the promo song for "Platinum." It sucks. I never thought I'd say this, but please, WWE, could you bring Marilyn Manson back for your theme?

Pyro, and we are live (taped) in Greensboro, NC and Team Angle are out to try and reclaim their titles. Viva la Rasa! Los Tajiros are out. They strategize a bit before the match on the ramp, get in the ring, and pose for the crowd in the corners.

Shelton and Tajiri start. Shelton tries for a quick rollup to finish quick, but Tajiri kicks out. They wrestle around for a bit until Tajiri gets an arm drag and works it into a German suplex into a bridge tags in to help out and they go for a double suplex, but Eddie is in to catch his partner as he comes down and they surprise Team Angle with stereo dropkicks that send them out to the floor. Charlie and Shelton regroup for a second on the floor, then Shelton gets back in. Tajiri motions to Eddie, and the crowd yells it's approval, so Eddie is tagged, he springboards in, as Charlie is tagged back in. They lock up and Charlie works Eddie back into the corner, and lays in with the shoulders. Eddie whipped to the opposite corner and Charlie eats an elbow as he charges in. Eddie springboards into an arm drag and covers for 2. Charlie tries to sweep Eddies leg, but Eddie smoothly transitions it into a head scissors, sending Charlie flying. Tag to Tajiri, Tajiri in and sizing Charlie up. Buzzsaw kick to Charlie, another, and Tajiri has him up for a couple knife-edge chops. Charlie sent tot he corner, but Charlie comes out with a takedown. Charlie tries something, but Tajiri wiggles off and hits the pinning heel kick. Tag to Eddie and Eddie is a ball of fire! Clothesline for Charlie, Clothesline for Shelton, slam for Shelton, Belly to back for Charlie, sending him out. Shelton off the ropes, Shelton gets a kick in, but Eddie gets a waist lock, Shelton switches, and Eddie runs him out of the ring. Tajiri follows up with a cross body for both of them, and while everyone is out on the floor, we go to commercial.

We return from commercials, and Eddie is dropkicking Shelton, then following up with the hat trick of vertical suplexes. Before he can hit the 3rd, tho, Shelton sneaks a tag in to Charlie and Charlie comes off the top rope for a flying sunset flip. Eddie braces and lays in with some blows to Charlie's dome, but Shelton is there with a top rope snap mare on Eddie. Charlie tries to cover, but Tajiri is in to apply a dropkick to Charlie’s head and break up the count. Charlie rolling the dice on Eddie, Eddie kicks out. Tag to Shelton, and Shelton locks in a head vice. Eddie works his way back up with some knees to the midsection, but Shelton stops that noise with a wicked belly-to-belly takedown. Pin attempt gets 2. Tag to Charlie, Charlie goes to work on Eddie's back, keeping him down. Eddie comes back with a few knees to the gut, but Charlie tackles him before he can make the tag to Tajiri. Eddie placed up on the top rope, but Eddie fights Charlie and Shelton off. Charlie knocked down and Eddie goes for the frog splash, but Charlie has the knees up. Charlie goes for the cover, only gets 2. Charlie with a back breaker and then locking in the Haas of Pain. Tajiri tries to rescue, but Shelton intercepts and tosses him out. Shelton goes to chase after, but Tajiri is quicker, back in, and hits a dropkick to Charlie’s head to break up the hold. Charlie tags Shelton in, and Shelton locks in an abdominal stretch. Tajiri tries to break it up, and Charlie sneaks in behind the ref and switches places with Shelton. The ref turns around and sees the switch, but trusts that they made the tag. Charlie wrenching the stretch, but Eddie gets a hip toss. Eddie dives for his corner, but Charlie literally catches him and hits a wicked spine buster. Cover, and Eddie kicks out. Tag to Shelton, and they set up the leapfrog backbreaker. Shelton with the northern lights suplex, Tajiri breaks up the pin. Eddie struggles to the corner, but Shelton hangs onto a leg bar and pulls him away. Eddie dragged to his feet and they lock hands. Eddie and Shelton trade blows, with Charlie getting a cheap shot in. Eddie then elbows Charlie off the apron and hits a couple kicks to Shelton. As Charlie gets back in, Eddie runs the turnbuckles and hits an armdrag/head scissors combination! Crowd is going apeshit as Eddie makes the tag to Tajiri. Tajiri hitting the Handspring kick to send Charlie flying. Shelton tries to kick Tajiri, but Tajiri unloads with the TOKYO VIOLENCE! Tajiri hits the handspring elbow, and then hits the Keifer Sutherland Tornado DDT! Pin attempt is broken up by Charlie. Eddie is in to hiptoss Charlie out. Tajiri sizing Shelton up, but Shelton ducks and hits a head butt to Tajiri's gut. Tajiri sent to the corner, but Shelton misses the charge and Tajiri locks in the Tarantula. Charlie stops that with a shot to the head, but is immediately taken out by Eddie again. Shelton tries a kick, but Tajiri catches. Tajiri tries to throw his leg out, but Shelton hits the dragon whip heel kick. Shelton goes to cover, but Eddie is in with a steel chair and he blasts the ref! He tosses the chair to Charlie as he rolls in, then bails to the other side of the ring and points the accusing finger. The ref gets up, sees Charlie with the chair, and calls for the bell and Eddie and Tajiri win through DQ! Awesome Match!

After the match, Tazz and Cole go over the debut of Zach Gowan.

Backstage, Stephanie meets up with Daddy. She's not too happy with dad, and questions his judgment because of his obsession with Mr. America. Vince tells Steph that he's obsessed all right, but at the end of the show, he'll be out of control! He walks off, leaving Steph to simply say, "Well then..."

Back from commercial, and we find out that Brock is to face an unspecified member of the FBI. All right! The return of Tracy Smothers!

No Chance sounds out in the arena, and Vince stomps to the ring. He reiterates that he was disappointed at Judgment Day, that that was to be the day that Roddy piper beat the hell out of Mr. America and that he would finally unmask him and reveal that he's really Hulk Hogan. Vince says that everyone needs to pay the Piper, but tonight the Piper will pay him. He calls Hot Rod to the ring to publicly apologize.

Roddy is out with Sean O'Hare in tow. Vince verbally pushes him a couple times. Roddy states that even though that it's difficult for him to actually say it, he apologizes. Vince slaps him and Roddy looks like he's getting ready to stomp Vince a new mudhole. Vince says that that's what he wanted, 20 years of hatred focused on Mr. America, and all he gets is a lousy sniveling apology? Vince goes to slap him again; Roddy blocks and tells him that if he touches him again, he'll rip his throat out. Vince looks to take him up on the offer, but before they can lock up, Sean gets in between them, and tells them that they won't accomplish anything by fighting. Sean takes the blame for Roddy's loss at Judgment Day, and offers himself up to take Mr. America down tonight. Roddy roars his approval, and Vince makes the match. Their celebration is cut short by Vince, who informs them that if Sean can't get the job done tonight, then Roddy is FIRED! Vince heads out and we fade to commercial with worried looks on Roddy and Sean's face.

Back from commercial, we get the inspirational Kurt Angle returns package.

In the Arena, and its time for Thuggin and Buggin for the 5 minute white boy chall... I mean John Cena is out to do some wrasslin'. He has some choice words for Spanky. He accuses him of trying too hard to be exactly like him ("You want so hard to be like me, you swallowed my action figure.") Spanky is out and he wastes no time going after John, rushing him into the corner and laying in with the OLYMPIA VIOLENCE!! After the brief initial flurry, John is able to gain the upper hand and commences to beating Spanky down and tossing him about like a racquetball. Cena gets in Spanky's face with the trash talk, and Spanky comes back with a brief flurry of offense, hitting the shining wizard and going for the cover. This only gets 2, and Cena picks up where he left off, finally ending it with the FU.

After the match, Tazz and Cole go over the "horrific" stretcher match from Judgment day and we get a photo montage to show us the high points.

Backstage, FBI go over the advantages that each member has over the not quite 100% Brock. Chuck has his right hand, Nunzio can tie him up like a noodle, and Johnny promises to knock that Peoples eyebrow off his head. They smack him in the head and remind him that they are fighting Brock, not Rock. Johnny says it doesn't matter; he'll be putting a dent in his head. They chuckle and head out as we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, and Rey Mysterio is out to take the 3rd headset. In the Ring, Matt Hardy (w/ Crash, Shannon, and Matt Facts: Matt likes his steak medium well, and Matt has more teeth than Benoit) vs. Chris Benoit. Tazz and Cole trade homosexual references on each other.

They circle, and Matt teases Benoit's hand in, then slaps it and celebrates his small victory. Benoit gives him the "oh you did NOT just do that!" glare, then goes after him and starts wrestling him down. Matt tries to get away, Benoit drags him back into the ring. Benoit spins him around, hits an arm whip, and Matt bails to recover. Test of strength and Benoit turns around into an overhead arm lock, sweeps the leg out, and locks in an arm bar. Matt rolls out and tries for a hip toss, but Benoit rolls through and keeps the hold on. Benoit works the arm into a hammerlock, but Matt surprises him with a back elbow. Matt taunting Benoit for a second, and then moving in. Benoit jumps up and lays in with some massive chops on Matt. Matt into the corner, and it's German Suplex time! Crash is up on the apron to distract the ref, tho, and Shannon sneaks in a low blow to break it up. Matt with the cover only getting 2. Side Effect, cover, that only gets 2. Matt locking in the head vice. Benoit fights up and breaks it with a couple right hands, but Matt is right back on him with a sleeper. Benoit gets away and hits a sleeper of his own, but Matt reaches around and grabs for a Belly to back into a spine buster. Cover, that only gets 2. Matt working Benoit's neck on the ropes, Jumping on it a couple times. Cover, but Benoit kicks out. Matt hits a reverse neck breaker. Cover, Benoit kicks out again. Matt floats over into a front face lock, but Benoit works his way up and drives Matt into the corner. Matt stops Benoit's momentum with an elbow, then hits the yodeling leg drop (without the yodeling, tho.) Cover, and Benoit kicks out. Matt setting Benoit up for the twist of fate, Benoit shoves him of, and they knock each other out with a double shoulder block. Count is on, Ref gets to 8 and both men up, trading blows, Benoit getting the better of the exchange with a snap suplex. A couple knockdowns, then a gut wrench into a back breaker, cover gets 2. Matt into the corner, Benoit going for the German but Matt blocks it. Benoit drags him out and slams him down, grabs his legs and hits a slingshot. Belly to back drops Matt on his head, and it's time for the flying Headbutt! Benoit up, he flies, he connects! Shannon up to try and interfere, but Rey abandons his announce position to pull Shannon down and deliver a 619 to Crash. Benoit goes back after Matt, they do a quick reversal sequence, ending up with Benoit locking in the crossface and Matt tapping out in short order. Wow, Second awesome match of the night!

After the match, Matt yells at Rey, asking him if he thought that what he just did was funny? Rey has a good laugh at Matt's expense. Matt asks Rey if he wants a shot at the cruiserweight title. Rey says Hell yeah! Matt then tells Rey that he can have a shot at him any time he wants IF he can beat both Shannon Moore and Crash RIGHT NOW! Rey thinks about it for a nanosecond, then jumps in the ring, and they face off as we go to commercial.

We return from commercial with Crash and Shannon beating down on Rey. Rey dodges a Shannon charge into the corner and Shannon eats post all the way out of the ring. Crash after Rey, Rey slammed into the corner, and Crash tries to take advantage, but Rey reverses a slam into a head scissors. Rey catches a Rey kick attempt, but Rey hits an Enziguri sending Crash into the ropes. Rey goes for a 619, but Shannon is there to catch his feet, but Rey answers with a dropkick. Crash charges, Rey ducks a clothesline, whip off the ropes, but Crash back body drops him out of the ring. Shannon attacks Rey on the floor, posting him, and then rolling him in. Crash goes for the cover; But Rey is under the ropes. Tag to Shannon, Rey whipped off the ropes, Crash tilt-a-whirls him into Shannon, and they slam him to the mat. Shannon covers, but Rey kicks out. Tag back to Crash, they attempt a double team suplex, but Rey kicks out and hits a double DDT. All three men are down, ref starts the count. He gets to 7. Rey fights off Crash and Shannon in turns, Crash tries to whip Rey tot he ropes, but Rey uses his momentum to hit a leg lariat on Shannon. Crash grabs Rey and whips him into the corner. Rey flips over the top rope, throws a shoulder into a charging Crash, and then leaps onto Crash from the top rope. Rey back up and hitting the Springboard cross body. Cover, only gets 2. Rey back up and hobbling, but he runs in and hits a dropkick and that must have been the clincher for him, because he is visibly in pain now. Shannon attacks from behind, and takes a second before picking him up and attempting a whip, but Rey reverses into a drop toehold into the ropes. Rey hobbles up, but hits the 619. Rey gets up and still hits the west coast pop for the pin on Shannon. He still has Crash to worry about, though. Crash grabs him and attempts a power bomb, but Rey reverses into a rollup for the pin and a shot at the cruiserweight title.

After the match, Rey is carried to the back by the Ref and one of the road crew. Matt gets in the ring, hits the side effect on Crash, then the Twist of Fate on Shannon, and then seethes in anger.

Backstage, Stephanie sets up for her interview with Zach Gowan.

Back from commercial, and Stephanie’s smiling face introduces us to Zach. She apologizes for Pipers actions last week. She asks about his leg, and he explains that when he was 8, he had Osteogenic Sarcoma, a type of bone cancer and instead of letting spread through his body and kill him, they decided to amputate his leg. He goes on to explain that his mother was a pillar of support, his father left when he was 4, and his 11 year old brother is a good kid. When he was ill, the Make-A-Wish foundation came to visit him, and they offered him a wish. His wish was to meet Hulk Hogan, but he declined the offer because he knew that he was going to survive. Stephanie praises him for his courage over the past week, and Zack lets us know that it's his dream to be a wrestler for the WWE, and that hopefully he'll one day wrestle for Stephanie on Smackdown. Stephanie wishes him the best of luck and the interview ends.

Word of advice to the Smackdown writers, don't ever have Stephanie conduct an interview again. She stumbled and was visibly uncomfortable all the way through the interview.

After the interview, Vince looks on through the magic of a monitor, and gets an inspired gleam in his eye as we go to commercial.

Back, and as Mr. America is posing for some publicity shots, Vince barges in, and tells Hogan that a provision will be added to the match: If he loses, he'll have to take a lie detector test. MA scoffs at this, so Vince tells Hogan that if he doesn't agree, then his little one legged buddy Zach will never get a WWE contract. MA agrees to the stipulation, promises that he won't lose, and calls Vince a son of a bitch. As MA walks away, Vince goes nuts, promising his defeat tonight and his failing the lie detector test next week.

Out to the Ring, Brock is out to take on the mystery FBI member. They huddle up outside, then all three get in the ring. Brock shoves Nunzio out and Chuck and Johnny double-team him, shortly joined by Nunzio to make it 3 on 1. The ref gets the other two out and it's Brock vs. Johnny for the match. Johnny beating down on Brock, working him over in the corner, but Brock grabs him and runs him across the ring slamming him into the corner. He repeats the spot, then clotheslines Johnny out of his boots. Brock grabs him and hits a fallaway slam (more like a THROWaway slam.) Nunzio up to talk trash, Brock brings him in the hard way, but before he can follow up, Chuck yoinks him down by the feet and pulls him out. Chuck with a couple rights, then Brock thrown into the post. Chuck follows up with a big clothesline, then rolls Brock back in. Johnny takes over with some kicks. Cover, Brock kicks out. Brock posted, and Johnny after him again. Shoulder breaker, Cover, Brock kicks out. Another cover, Brock kicks out again. Johnny locks in an arm bar. Brock powers up, picks Johnny up, and slams him so hard he's thrown off his own feet! Johnny tries to charge in, but Brock dodges and takes control. Belly to belly overhead. Chuck provides the distraction, but it's a mere annoyance to Brock. Brock and Johnny do a quick reversal sequence, ending up with Brock setting Johnny up for the F-5. Chuck and Nunzio crash the ring to draw the DQ and commence the beat down.

The FBI triple team on Brock, Nunzio delivering the slap of disrespect. As Johnny and Chuck hold Brock, Nunzio bails to grab a chair. As Nunzio readies himself to blast Brock in the head, we get that familiar drumbeat and "Dead Man Walking!" and the Undertaker is out hauling ass to the ring! Nunzio gets taken out quick, and Johnny and Chuck try to take them on, but 'Taker and Brock get the better of them. Play Dead Man Walking again and we go to commercial.

Moments ago, and the FBI had a small run-in with 'Taker and Brock.

Sable is on her way to the ring all ready to bust out all over. Sable has the new Raw Magazine, and she goes on to shill herself on the cover. Secondly, she has words for Tazz. She observes that Tazz showed bias towards Torrie at Judgement Day, and then gets up on the table and sticks her coochie all up Tazz's area. She says that Torrie is attractive if you like tomboys, but that Sable is the real Diva around here. She gets on Tazz's case about announcing Torrie the winner without polling the audience first. Tazz is all begging off while Cole is practically exploding in his seat next to him. Sable declares that she's hot, and proceeds to pour the contents of Tazz's water bottle over herself, causing Cole to orgasm right on the spot. While Cole and Tazz discuss Sables MILF-tastic nature, Sable proceeds to pour the rest of the water all over Tazz. Tazz jumps up and almost goes to take her out but stops himself. He huffs off to grab a towel while Sable smirks and walks off.

Backstage, Vince, Roddy, and Sean go over strategy for the match. Roddy advises to go right for the mask, Vince tells him no, just beat him, and next week Hogan will have his true colors revealed during the lie detector test. They all share an evil laugh, and we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, "Real American" heralds the arrival on Mr. America, with Zack in tow. He does the standard pose down, and here comes Sean O’Hare (W/ Roddy in tow.)

They circle; lockup, and Sean shoved Mr. America off. Lockup, and MA gets shoved off again. Lockup again, and Sean tries to shove him off again, but Mr. America resists, and then shoves Sean off. Sean charges and MA sidesteps him and throws him into the corner. MA with the punches, big Clothesline, then working Sean over in the corner. Cross corner whip into a clothesline. MA tries to go off the ropes, but Piper grabs the leg to interfere. Sean takes over with the punches and kicks. Repeated cover attempts leave Sean frustrated, so he locks in the sleeper. The Ref checks Hogan as piper goes nuts outside telling them to ring the bell. Ref lifts the arm; it drops once, Twice, but not the third time! Mr. America battles out, but Sean gets a kick in for another cover attempt. MA kicks out, though, and starts the Americaning up process. Sean goes for a final punch, and Hogan gets the "YOU!" finger point. MA hits the big boot and leg drop, but the cover is interrupted by Piper pulling Hogan off. Hogan starts to go after Piper, but is interrupted by "No Chance!" starting up.

Vince is out with a bunch of police officers. He states that he's got the cops because a criminal offense has been committed: that offense being criminal trespass and personal assault. Vince tells the cops to arrest Zack! Zack doesn't have a backstage pass, and he assaulted Vince at Judgment Day. Vince snatches Zack's cane from him, calling it a weapon. The cops cuff him and Mr. America is out to protest. Once he does, the ref starts counting. As he gets to 7, Vince reminds Hogan that the Ref is counting, and Hogan goes through a crisis of choice, decides to try getting back to the ring, but it's too late and the Ref has counted 10 and Sean has won the match. Vince taunts Mr. America from the ramp, and MA chases after, but Piper is up behind him with the chair to lay MA out. As Cole and Tazz speculate that Mr. America's days may be numbered, Vince, Piper and Sean celebrate as we fade out.

Damn good show tonight. Tag title match was super hot with a genius ending, as was Benoit vs. Hardy. Too bad that Benoit was only used to set up Rey's handicap match vs. Crash and Shannon, and even more unfortunate that Rey was injured during that match. The rest of the wrestling action was good enough to keep the excitement up, and come on, who here actually thought that Mr. America would get cleanly pinned by Sean O'Hare? That match was good enough for government work, tho, as it set up for MA's meeting with the lie detector test. It'll be interesting to see how MA gets by this hurdle. The entertainment segments were well done as well, with the exception of Stephanie's interview of Zack. If sable keeps doing her best porn star/Stripper impression, then hey, that is fine by me and just about every other red-blooded male out there! Apart from the Interview segment, the only real grievance I have with Smackdown is the fact that the World champion has been relegated to a mid card feud, at best. That should be fixed soon enough with the return of Kurt Angle, tho. All in all, excellent show for me to make my return to, and a great start for the road to the first ever Exclusive Smackdown PPV: Vengeance.

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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