by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Well, it's time for another Smackdown Recap, and hey, if The Rick can kill some time before his recaps letting us know what's happening in his life in the upcoming weekend, so can I!

Friday: gonna be dead from work.

Saturday, still plan on being dead, but will try to get my creative juices flowing so I can write something funny for a skit that I will be performing in at an upcoming convention. I have to get 4000 people to laugh with this. No pressure at all.

Sunday: Weird Al at Kings Dominion!

Monday: Recovery!

Ok, so maybe it isn't quite as exciting as being in a band, Performing in front of 300(0?) people, but hey, it's something.

5 Minutes out: Join us tonight for Zack Gowans first official night of work in the WWE!

WWE Leader, and we go over Zack Gowan's inspirational victory from last week.

One crappy theme song later, and we are live (Taped) from Toronto's Air Canada Centre and Tazz and Cole are still amazed by Zack.

Their amazement will have to wait, tho, as Kurt Angle is out to entertain us all. LOOK OUT; HE'S GOT A MIC!

Kurt soaks up the cheers for a bit, and then lets us know that he didn't come out here to wrestle, but to make a point (boos from the crowd.) He reminds us that he lost the title at Wrestlemania, and will get a chance to retake it at Vengeance against Brock Lesnar and Big Show. He tells them both to bring it on, because he's worked too hard to not get the gold around his waist again.

John Cena is out at this point to interject his own opinions. Cena tells him that Angles gold medals are passé, and that the crowd will be gone or asleep by the time they get to the three way at Vengeance, as the REAL action will be Undertaker vs. John Cena.

Kurt takes John down a peg or two by calling him more white than himself. Kurt has seen John wrestle, and he HAS been impressed. But Kurt has an advantage, as he's multifaceted, and steals John's cap just to be annoying. Cena rhymes for a second, Kurt tells us that he didn't understand a word Cena just said, but he'll try to out rap him. He calls Brian Hebner into the ring to do his beat box routine, and proceeds to kill us all with a hilarious rap of his own putting Cena down. Cena takes umbrage, Kurt hugs him. Cena is outraged by this as well, and Angle turns serious and gets in Cena's face. Before anything can happen, tho, the Big Show is here to lumber his way to the ring. Kurt has an attack of the dumbasses, tho, and turns his back on Cena, waiting on Big Show. Cena attacks from behind, delivering the FU to Kurt. Big Show choke slams Angle, and lumbers his way into commercials.

Back, and still to come is the promise of reliving Zack's special moment from last week.

Already in the ring to compete in a fatal four way for the Tag Team titles are FBI (Johnny and Chuck) and the Bashams (w/ Shaniqua). Kidman and Rey Mysterio are the next competitors out (FILTHY ANIMALS REUNION TOUR!) Our last team is the APA.

Chuck and Ron Simmons start. Chuck starts by pummeling Ron, but Ron reverses with a power slam. Chuck tags out to Danny Basham, who gets knocked down immediately by Ron. Tag to Bradshaw who continues the beating. Kidman tags himself in off Bradshaw, who doesn't like that and beats Kidman down. After this, all hell breaks lose as everyone GETS ROWDY beating on each other. The APA and FBI brawl up the ramp as the Bashams and Rey and Kidman fight it out in the ring. Kidman hits a slingshot body press on Doug (or was it Danny?), and Rey shows him up by hitting a rolling senton to the floor on Danny (or was it Doug)! The crowd is sufficiently wowed, so we go to commercial.

Back from commercials, and Danny has Rey down with a headlock. Apparently, during the break, the FBI and APA eliminated themselves from the match by brawling into the back locker room. APA got the better of the FBI until they both get clocked by Nunzio with a chair. Back in the ring, Rey manages to get away from Doug, but Danny is tagged in. Danny gives us some brawling on Rey, but Kidman tagged in Dropkick for Doug, Enziguri for Danny, Doug goes for a power bomb BUT YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN!   Kidman goes for the SSP, but Shaniqua grabs his ankle. Rey breaks this up and Kidman hits the SSP, but the pin is interrupted at the last INSTANT by Danny. Match ends with Rey hitting the 6-1-9 on Doug, Kidman taking Danny out on the apron, Rey drops the dime, and Rey and Kidman are the new #1 contenders to the cruiserweight title!

Backstage, Kurt gets ministrations for his shoulder, Brock walks in and tries to banter, but Kurt isn't having any of it. They talk about Vengeance for a sec, and Brock calls for more ice for Kurt's head, it's apparently swollen. We all chuckle, and we go to commercial.

S.W.A.T looks like it's going to be a cool movie, if anything but for the eye candy.

Back from commercial, and they are setting the red carpet out for Zack Gowan's contract signing. Tazz and Cole marvel at the amazingness that is Zack, and we are taken back to last week and we get to watch the Zack/Stephanie vs. Big Show match again.

After all this, Juggs is out, jiggling her way to the ring with Zack's contract held high. Before we can bring Zack out, we go to commercial.

Dude, that kid in the Subway commercial is SOOO hitting on the cute blonde chick behind the counter!

Back from commercial, and Steph finishes her pole dance in the ring to introduce THE AMAZING Zack Gowan.

Zack is out to the cheers of the crowd. In the ring, Zack and Steph hug, and he grabs the mic.

Ever since he was a little boy, Zack has always wanted to compete in the WWE, and he realized that dream last week when he pinned Big Show. He wants to thank Stephanie, Kurt, Brock and each and every one of the fans in the building for their support. Steph hands him his contract, and Zack puts his John Hancock on it. No sooner had he scribbled hi name, tho, but Vince McMahon is out with Sable. Vince grabs the mic and runs Zack down, speaking on behalf of all of Canada that we are all proud of both Stephanie and Zack. I mean, how can we not be proud of a daughter that slaps her father in the face, or a superstar that needs an assist from Kurt and Brock to win a match. Vince defers from Zack for a moment to announce that as payback for his attempted F-5 last week, Brock is now booked in a handicap match against Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas, and the Big show: 3 on 1. Getting back to Zack, Vince lets him know that now the Zack is an official employee of WWE, his first match will be at Vengeance against the meanest two legged SOB in the business: Vince McMahon! Vince promises Zack that he may have survived cancer, but he WON'T survive Vince! And to put a punctuation on the whole deal, Sable bashes Stephanie with the clipboard. Vince and Sable take their exit, and we go to commercial.

Moments ago, Vince puts the fear of... Vince into Zack, and Sable made vicious use of office supplies.

Now, Vince gets creepy with Sable, and their moment is interrupted by Steph swooping in and attacking Sable. Stephanie is so furious, Fit Finlay has to pull her off! Vince yells after Steph, letting her know that if she wants Sable that badly, she can have her at Vengeance! Sable looks less than enthusiastic at this prospect.

Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore (W/ Matt Facts: Matt lost his virginity at age 17, and Matt has never had earrings) are out to take on Chris Benoit and Rhyno! We are helpfully informed that next week Matt will be taking Chris on in the next round of the US Title Tournament.

Both teams Brawl to start, eventually leaving Rhyno and Shannon in the ring to fight it out. Rhyno brawls with Shannon, but Shannon comes back with a DDT. Tag to Matt, who goes for the quick cover, but Rhyno kicks out. Rhyno fighting back, but Matt gets a side effect. Cover is broken up by Chris. Tag to Shannon, quick bit of Double-teaming, with Shannon following up with a swinging neckbreaker. Cover gets two, so Shannon pounds on Rhyno a bit, and locks in a cross face choke. Rhyno powers up, but Shannon floors him with a clothesline. Rhyno sent to the corner, but Rhyno gets an elbow up for a charging Shannon, then hotshots Shannon on the top turnbuckle. Rhyno gets the hot tag, Matt simply runs in. Benoit is a house o' far! Knockdown for Hardy, knockdown for Shannon. Snap suplex for Hardy, Snap suplex for Shannon. Cover for Shannon gets two. Benoit beating on Shannon, goes for a clothesline, but is tripped up by Matt. Benoit goes after matt, but Shannon sneak attacks from behind. Benoit returns the favor with a big clothesline. Matt runs in and eats a German Suplex for his troubles, and Shannon gets the same. Benoit up, Throat slash signals the Flying Headbutt! Benoit up, he flies, he connects! Matt in to deliver a Twist of Fate, but he turns around right into a GOAR! from Rhyno. Shannon comes to, and crawls over to drape an arm over Benoit. Ref counts, but only gets to two as Benoit kicks out and smoothly transitions into a cross face. Shannon struggles against it for a second, but finally can't do anything but tap out. Rhyno and Benoit celebrate in the ring, while Matt and Shannon retreat, and we go to commercial.

The Burn of the night is Ultimo Dragon's debut two weeks ago.

Backstage, Brock and Angle banter some more.

Los Tajiros... err, just Eddie Guererro is out to wrestle in a US Title qualifying match in another low rider, this one a '60s era Ford sedan.

Eddie soaks up an "Eddie" chant for a second, and then asks us all what's up. He takes a second to wish Tajiri a speedy recovery. Eddie is trying to pour on the seedy heel charisma, but the crowd is dead set to keep him face. He says that he's sorry about last week, but hey, you touch the ride, you get taught a lesson, and he hopes Tajiri learned that lesson. He goes on to let us all know that Eddie Guererro is all about #1 from here on out, and he has entered himself into the US title tourney. This brings his opponent out: Ultimo Dragon!

After Ultimo throws his cape to the crowd (!), Eddie and Ultimo lock up in the ring and trade arm wringers. After a standoff, they trade hammerlocks until Dragon gets the flying snapmare to break things up. They leapfrog each other until Dragon gets a leg sweep to take Eddie down, and he follows up with some JAPANESE VIOLENCE! Eddie makes the ropes as Tazz and Cole talk about Dragon being the last student of Bruce Lee. Umm, since Lee died in 1973, wouldn't that put Dragon in his 50's, at least? Unless they are referring to Bruce Li, and that is definitely not something to brag about. Anyway, back to the match as Dragon runs into an elbow from Eddie and eats a belly-to-belly suplex. Cole takes this moment to helpfully point out that Dragon once held 10 titles at once, including the J-crown, beating the Great Sasuke for it. No mention of Sasuke's current political status, tho. Eddie covers, Dragon kicks out. Eddie with the side suplex. Tilt-a-whirl slam leads to Eddie charging on Dragon, but Dragon dumps Eddie out of the ring, and he stops just short of his low rider. Eddie takes care not to touch it as he makes his way back to the ring, only to get kicked through the ropes by Dragon, sending Eddie sprawling towards his low rider again. Eddie takes a few seconds to polish off some imaginary scuffmarks. Dragon looks to set up for the Asai Moonsault, but Eddie yoinks him off the apron. Eddie rolls Dragon back in, and goes for the slingshot swanton, but Dragon rolls out and Eddie has to roll through. Eddie walks into a rollup by Dragon for two. They do a quick reversal sequence which leads to a backslide by Dragon for two. Dragon goes for a snapmare, but Eddie shoves him off. Dragon comes back with a 'rana to send Eddie flying. Dragon with a spin kick to Eddie gut to take him off his feet. Dragon goes for the moonsault, but Eddie catches him and as they fall down, Eddie rolls Dragon up, grabbing the tights for good measure and gets the quick win. Dragon can't believe it, and the audience reaction is mixed as Eddie drives out.

Backstage, and we get a close-up of Mr. Ass'... umm... ass as he makes out with Torrie Wilson. They then walk out and run into some executive type, then giggle like a couple middle schoolers who just narrowly avoided getting caught. Apparently, Billy has a Tag match up next.

The Extreme Blast of the Night is John Cena getting blasted by Billy Gunn pinning him off the distraction by Undertaker.

Billy Gunn is out with Torrie. Hmm, lots of Torrie signs, no Billy signs. Just an observation, that's all. This is a mixed Tag match, and their opponents are Jamie Knoble and Nidia.

Jamie and Billy start. They lock up, and Billy throws Jamie off. A couple punches, and Jamie goes down. After an unsuccessful pin attempt, Jamie pops up and takes it to Billy. Tag to Nidia, and Nidia bounces off Billy as she tries to spear. Billy tags Torrie in, and Torrie gives a shitty Thesz press and they roll around. Torrie and Nidia brawl around until Torrie gets a swinging neck breaker. Cover is interrupted by Jamie. Billy takes care of him, and Torrie finishes up.

Afterwards, Jamie grabs a mic and gives Torrie the white trash version of Indecent Proposal ($10,000). Of course, Torrie slaps him, and Billy jumps in and pummels him. Torrie gets a DDT on Jamie, then goes and depants Nidia for good measure, who, for the record, wasn’t looking too thrilled about Jamie’s proposal either.

Backstage, Kurt pumps Brock up as they head to the ring, but a tech guy runs up and tells Kurt that Vince wants to see him in his office right now. Kurt goes, and Brock proceeds on by himself.

Back from commercial, we review the brawl between Sable and Steph.

After a run down of the Vengeance card, we learn that the upcoming Handicap match is also a Falls-Count-Anywhere match. First out is Big Show, followed by Benjamin and Haas. Shelton gets in Tony Chimels face for a second, and Tony corrects himself by letting us know that Haas and Benjamin will henceforth be known as the Worlds Greatest Tag Team. This brings Brock out, and it's time for a commercial.

Back from commercial, and Brock is taking Charlie Haas to town. After a hammerlock reversal, Brock continues to dominate. Haas gets gorilla pressed, Shelton runs in and gets the same, Big Show runs in and gets speared. Brock out to chase after Charlie, Charlie tries to get a fluke pin, but Brock kicks out. Back in the ring, Charlie gets the drop on Brock, but that doesn't last long as Brock takes over. Whip reversal turns the tided a Shelton holds the ropes down and Brock hits the floor. As Shelton distracts the ref, Big Show hits Brock with a chair. Charlie goes for the cover, Brock kicks out. Back in the ring, Charlie goes for another cover, Brock kicks out again. Big Show tagged in, and he gets his big man offense.  Big show covers, Brock kicks out. Big Show rolls Brock around, hits the big fat leg drop. Tazz then cracks me the hell up by telling us all the Big Show is 500 pounds and quick! Tag to Shelton, and Brock gets tied up. Brock trying to fight his way back up, but Big Show distracts and Charlie runs in and kicks Brock in the face. They switch out and Charlie locks in the submission. Brock powers out, but eats a SWEET looking Dropkick to put him down. Cover, only gets two. Tag to Big Show, and the bear hug is slapped in. Brock hulks up, beats Big Show off, but Big Show grabs a goozle. Big Show hoists, but Brock counters and hits a BIG Belly-to-belly. Shelton and Charlie into the ring, but Brock dispatches them handily. Out after Big show, Brock sells his back from the suplex, but is able to post Big Show. Shelton and Charlie attack, but Brock gets out, F-5 for Charlie, hits a belly to belly on Shelton on the floor. Brock goes for the steel steps, but goofs around too long, and Shelton attacks from behind. Brock gets the better of Shelton again, and sets up to deliver a ring post F-5, but Big show give Brock the big boot, sending him sprawling. Big Show tries to follow up, but Brock comes back and bashes Big Show's gourd on the steps. Brock steps up to the top, and signals for the F-5. He pulls Big Show up, but before he can hoist Show up, Show grabs the goozle, and Brock goes through the announce table. Big Show puts a foot on Brocks chest, and the ref counts 1-2-3. We fade out to Big Show celebrating his, what, 4th? 5th pin on Brock.

This weeks show was good. It has a good feel building up to Vengeance, and it compensated the abundance of entertainment segments in the first hour by putting all the big names into tag matches to give us maximum exposure. The Fatal four way picked up immensely after the APA and FBI brawled their way out of the picture. The Hardy/Moore tag match was nice and solid. Dragon and Eddie was too short, but entertaining while it lasted. Rich White Trash vs. the Asses took up space, but at least it was short, and the main event was good enough for government work. The entertainment segments did their job well enough, also. Good show.

See ya next week!

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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