by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

No 5 minutes out, I was too busy listening to my little bro rant about how he got denied entry into the Marines because of a technicality. Total BS.

WWE Leader, and we go over Kurt Angle's awesome win over The Worlds Greatest Tag Team and Big Show (W/ a little help from Zack).

Smackdown Intro (Have I mentioned that it still sucks, yet?) and PYRO brings us to Fresno and we are just 72 hours away from Vengeance. Stephanie starts us off, and Tazz and Cole talk a bit about Kane piledriving Linda on Monday, and for some reason, the lower right hand corner of the screen is fuzzed out. She informs us that Right here, in Fresno, CA (thumbs up!) Stephanie is taking back Smackdown! The Main event is announced as Brock, Angle and Zack vs. TWGTT and the Big Show. Stephanie also announces that she will treat Sable like the bitch she is, and is promptly interrupted by John Cena, who raps about how he had a dream about Steph and it made him horny as hell (You made all 5 of my girlfriends jealous, all of them want to beat me!) Cena getting serious face pops here. Cena ends by voicing his desire to smack that ass. Steph dares him to do it, and he does. Sable pops up on the Smackatron and talks trash, shows us the first half of the fetish video she and Steph made last week, cutting off before the part where Steph started winning. Steph points this out, they banter, Sable talks about Linda, and Sable tells Steph to come get some. Steph gives us *Anger!* and stalks to the back.

During the break, Stephanie banged on some doors, found out Sable was in the parking lot from Torrie, and stalked off.

Out to the arena, we have a new ring announcer as Rey Mysterio and Kidman (Hereafter to be known collectively as the Filthy Animals for brevity) are out to take on Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore (Matt Facts: Mattitude is considered sacred in Japan, and Matt defeated Kidman and Mysterio on consecutive PPV's) Rey starts with Matt. Lockup, Rey gets a hammerlock that Matt reverses and Rey is shoved off. Matt shows off his Mattitude, and Rey comes back with punches to the face. Rey slides underneath Matt, shoves him into the corner, jumps up on the second turnbuckle and hits a bulldog. Tag to Kidman, who slingshots into a leg drop on Matt. Cover, only gets two. Matt with a thumbpoke to the eye, then a tag to Shannon. Shannon with the offense, Billy takes over with a leg scissors. Shannon slides out of the ring and taunts him out. Kidman rushes out, Shannon back in the ring and Matt takes Kidman out from the apron. Kidman rolled back in, Tag to Matt. Matt with the chops in the corner. Snapmare, leg drop, cover, only gets 2. Matt hangs Kidman up on the rope, when the ref breaks them up; Shannon hangs him up some more. Matt with a back neck breaker, cover, only gets two. Tag to Shannon who gets a neck breaker, then locks in the Shannonlock. Billy fights up, but Shannon forces him back into his own corner. Tag to Matt who comes in with a chop. Surfboard slapped on, but Billy fights his way out, and hits a springboard bulldog. Kidman and Matt going for the tag. Matt gets the tag first, and Shannon tries to stop Kidman, but Kidman kicks Shannon off, tags to Rey, Rey comes in with the West Coast pop. Matt knocked off the apron. Snapmare for Shannon, then Rey dropkicks him in the mush. Matt is in with a clothesline, but Mysterio is back with a Bulldog. Rey tries something off the top rope, but Shannon catches him. Rey reverses into a head scissors, that sends Shannon into the ropes, setting him up for 6-1-9, but Matt trips Rey up. Rey goes for it, but Shannon has a spinning heel for him. Kidman in with the BK bomb, Matt hits a side effect on Kidman. Rey boots Matt in the nose, then goes for a springboard leg scissors, but Matt converts into a powerbomb. Shannon in to cover, but only gets 2. Rey gets away with a dropkick. Tag to Kidman who flies in with a cross body. Kidman covers, but Matt is there to interrupt with a leg drop. Shannon covers; But Rey interrupts with a leg drop of his own. Shannon tries to brawl with Rey, but ends up eating a 6-1-9. Rey is calling for the West coast pop, but Matt grabs his ankles. Rey kicks him off and hits a springboard moonsault (almost stingering himself on the ring apron). Kidman has Shannon set up in the corner, Shooting Star press, and that's all she wrote! Filthy Animals win!

After the match, they make the "Gonna have the belts" gesture, and general celebrations all around, complete with recap of Rey's moonsault and Kidman’s SSP.

Out in the parking lot, Steph has caught up with Sable. Sable tries to run, but Steph catches her before she can get into the limo. Steph brawls with her, rips her top off (Tiny black bar hides the goodies), and Sable finally makes it into the Limo. Steph grabs a lead pipe, but is stopped by the sudden arrival of Vince. Steph yells at him for not being with Linda, Vince says that he doesn't answer to Steph, and that Steph should be concentrating on her match at Vengeance, or she might just end up like Linda. Last time I checked, Sable didn't have a piledriver in her repertoire, and she hasn't pulled off a Sablebomb in years.

The Blast of the night is Jamie Knoble blasting Torrie with an offer of $25,000 for a night in the hay, and being blasted right back by Ultimo Dragon.

Jamie is out to the ring (sans Nidia), he explains that Nidia is sick, not, in fact pissed that He wants to boink Torrie. Speaking of Torrie, he says that a girl like her has her price. This brings Billy Gunn and Torrie out. Billy rushes the ring and commences the beat down on Jamie. Billy brawling with Jamie, until a charge is countered with a low bridge and Billy is dumped out of the ring. Jamie goes out to beat on him. Ref pulls them apart, and Torrie goes to check on Billy. Jamie out of the ring again to torment Torrie. She runs, Jamie chases, and Torrie leads him into the ring, where he is scooped by Billy, Billy hits the One and Only, and that's all she wrote.

As Billy and Torrie leave the ring, Jamie grabs a mic and opens his big mouth again, challenging Billy to one more match, and promises Torrie that he's better than Billy, especially in bed. Billy charges in, but Torrie stops him. Torrie grabs the mic and tells us all that if Jamie beats Billy at the PPV, she'll sleep with him next week on Smackdown. Oh Jesus god, when the hell are they going to stop shoving Torrie down our throats like this? Ok, everyone wants to sleep with her, WE GET IT!

After this, we go into a highlight reel of the WWE in Japan this past weekend. Hey, that one girl in the front row looks like my Ex! Bitch!

Moments ago, two paragraphs ago. Oh yeah, and Billy wasn't too hot on that idea.

Back stage, The APA give A-Train an invitation to the bar room brawl. They run down some of the participants (Doink the Clown?) and A-Train says he'll beat them all. As A-Train leaves, Steve Lombardi (AKA the Brooklyn Brawler) comes in to voice his displeasure at not being invited. The APA tell him he's just a jobber, Steve tells them all he wants is to get his hands on Doink the clown (He hates clowns, you know). The APA tell him that if he proves to them that he's more than just that guy that lost all those matches, then he's in. Methinks the Brooklyn Brawler will be getting a pin tonight for the sake of about 20 seconds of comedy at the PPV.

Elsewhere, John Cena sets alight a pentagram and talks some more trash at the Undertaker. Ok, so who exactly is supposed to be the heel here?

Commercials. Some kid tells us that he'll race anyone and anything. Ok, Here's a Cheetah! Watch out, he bites!

Viva la Rasa! Eddie is out in a '64 Impala (donated by M&M Hydraulics, apparently) and still majorly over as the face here. He gets out of the car, and pops the trunk to show off the hydraulic system and proceeds to polish the grille of the car for a minute or two. Eddie in the ring and he soaks up a MASSIVE Eddie chant. Eddie hypes the PPV on Sunday, particularly his match against Chris Benoit for the US Championship. He ticks off the places he's wrestled Benoit everywhere, calls him his best friend and says let the best man win, which brings Benoit out.

Eddie embraces Chris in the ring, with Benoit grudgingly returns. Benoit grabs a mic. Chris is kind of incredulous at Eddie’s claims of being best friends. He turns on the bullshit detector, and takes Eddie apart verbally, bringing up Eddies treatment of Tajiri a few weeks back. Eddie fesses up, and says he hates Chris. He brings up the Radicals, and how Chris got the shots and the adulation before him (well, the fact that you were out for 3 months with a dislocated elbow from your first match should probably tell you something, huh?). Eddie promises that he'll end the legend of Benoit at Vengeance. Benoit tells him that if he really wants him, they can tie it up RIGHT NOW! Eddie says that Benoit's not telling him what to do anymore. Eddie goes to leave, but as soon as Benoit turns his back, Eddie sneaks back in and tries to attack, but Benoit blocks and dumps Eddie out of the ring. Benoit goes after him, but Eddie has a bottle of spray wax and hits Benoit in the eyes with it. Benoit sells it like he's being poked with a hot branding iron and Eddie starts beating on him. Rhyno makes the save, and as the EMT's get Benoit out of there, Rhyno challenges Eddie to a match. Eddie initially scoffs, but when Rhyno tells Eddie that he has no Cajones, Eddie changes his tune, but before anything can happen, we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, and Eddie is in the process of taking Rhyno down with a leg scissors. Eddie brawls Rhyno down, and works him over in the corner. Cross corner, and Rhyno gets an elbow up. Rhyno with a powerbomb into a stun gun on the turnbuckle. Rhyno working Eddie over with a couple snap mares and a reverse chin lock. Eddie fights back up, but Rhyno stops him with a knee to the gut. Cover, gets two. Rhyno with some head butts. Powerslam is followed up with another reverse chin lock. Eddie elbows his way up, and hits a Northern Lights suplex with a bridge, but Rhyno kicks out. Rhyno locks in a so-so crossface, but Eddie makes the rope. Eddie tosses Rhyno, then follows up with a flying body press tot he floor. Outside, Eddie posts Rhyno, rolls him back in, and hits the slingshot senton. Eddie does the dickish step on the hair and pull his body up move. Step on the face, and Eddie soaks in the chants again. Eddie now with a reverse chinlock for Rhyno, but Rhyno fighting back up. Rhyno fights out, and then floors him with a flying clothesline. Shoulder block, Pin attempt by Rhyno, only gets 2. Spinebuster, pin, only gets 2. Rhyno up top, but Eddie is there. Eddie up, HURRICANRANA! Cover on Rhyno, only gets 2. Eddie going for another northern Lights, but Rhyno reverses into a belly to belly. Rhyno calls for the Gore! Rhyno charges, but Eddie pulls the ref in the way. Rhyno stops himself in time, catching the ref, but Eddie comes up from behind with the uppernut, then falls over himself, mimicking that HE got Golota'd himself. The ref is, of course, clueless as Eddie 'struggles' up, gives the camera a knowing wink, then hits a dropkick to Rhyno's mush. Eddie gets the cover, uses the ropes for leverage, and gets the pin! After, we get a quick bit of hype for the 6-Man tag later, and time for commercials.

Our Wrestlemania Recall of the night is Andre the Giant promising the end of Hulkamania, then strangling Bob Uecker.

Out to the ring, and the APA are out. But first, a while back, they visited out troops in Iraq and handed out an invite tot he bar room brawl to a soldier to give to Saddam Hussein. They pitch Gatorade oh so subtly, and we are back.

While I was typing that, The APA beat the FBI, and while APA celebrated, the Brooklyn Brawler ran out and took Ron and Bradshaw out with a steel chair. Following him out are the Basham Brothers and A-Train to continue the beat down. A-Train talks some trash, FBI mops up, and we play "No Sleep 'til Brooklyn" as we go to commercial.

Daredevil on DVD next Tuesday. You know, Jennifer Garner is a total dish and all, but the only reason I'd buy that is to complete my Colin Farrell DVD collection.

Backstage, Zack gets ready, and Vince sneaks up on him, but Zack is ready to send the fists flying. Vince stops him tho, and goes over Zack's history, and tells him that while some people would have sympathy for him, Vince doesn't, and he can't wait to beat his ass. Zack responds simply with the words that thousands of us want to tell him ourselves, "Vince, you are a sorry excuse for a human being." Vince gets threatening, but all that ends when Brock and Kurt show up behind him. Vince wishes them luck, and heads out. Kurt and Brock give Zack some manly respect, and we go into a rather cool Vengeance package that tells us the matches, and shows us highlights of the events that led up to them.

"Weeeeelllllll!" The Big Show is out, followed by The Worlds Greatest Tag Team, Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin.

Kurt Angle leads his team off, followed by Zack Gowan, and finally, WWE Champion Brock Lesnar. Zack has thrown his prosthetic away, and the faces jump up on the apron. Kurt starts against Shelton. Kurt takes Shelton down, floats over into a front face lock. They chain wrestle around, ending up with Shelton in a Kurt Headlock. Shelton fights back up, elbows out, and gets a shoulder block. Kurt returns with a belly-to-belly overhead, but Charlie is in to deliver a back body drop and Shelton takes back over. Shelton brawls him down a bit, then tags to Charlie. Charlie with the offense on Kurt, but Kurt comes back with a hiptoss. Cover, only gets two. Tag to Brock, who comes in with a kick to the mid section. Brock brawls Charlie down a bit, and grabs him for a belly to belly, but Charlie gets out by head butting Brock. Dropkick, but Brock gets right back up and hits the belly to belly. Zack takes a shot at Charlie, who swings for him, but Zack isn't there. Charlie turns around and gets gorilla pressed by Brock. Shelton in and he gets more of the same. Zack up on top, and Brock grabs him and tosses him into Shelton and Charlie. Brock takes out Shelton, elbows Big Show off the apron, and then sets Charlie up for a Zack slingshot leg drop. Zack covers, only gets two, tho. When he gets back up, Shelton MURDERS him with a clothesline that crumples him up. Double team on Zack, tag to Big Show. Zack tries to fight, but Big Show tosses him across the ring. Couple big slaps in the corner. Big Show calls for the choke slam, but Brock gets the chop block. Zack covers, but the ref is distracted and only counts two when he finally does get over there. Tag to Brock who comes in and is double-teamed by TWGTT. Big Show knocks Angle off the apron, then grabs Zack's face and shoves him off the apron in a cringe worthy spot. While everyone else brawls in the ring, Vince is down with a steel chair. He steps on Zack’s foot, then Pillmanizes Zack’s knee. The fight continues in the ring as some refs are called down to check on Zack, and we go to commercials.

Ok, why have they put the Seabiscuit commercials to a hard techno beat? Hello, movie takes place in the 30's!

Back from commercials, and angle is taking it to the Big Show, and we are informed that Zack is out of the arena. Big Show shrugs off Kurt's offense, knocks him down, steps on him a couple times, then tags Shelton in. Kurt comes back, but Shelton stops that noise with a knee to the gut. Charlie tags himself in, and takes over on Kurt. Clothesline, and cover on Kurt, only gets two. Charlie knocks Brock off the apron, and then sets up the leapfrog backbreaker. Shelton works Kurt into the corner, then Big Show tags in. a couple big slaps, and a delayed vertical sets up for a half crab on Kurt. Kurt reverses into a rollup, but Big show kicks out, then levels Kurt with a clothesline. Tag to Charlie, who lays in with some rights, then hits a belly to belly, but Kurt comes back with one of his own. As Kurt springs up and gets a side Russian leg sweep, but Shelton jumps in and hits a superkick on Kurt, knocking him back down. Charlie covers, only gets two, tho. Charlie and Kurt trade some rights, but Charlie knocks Kurt down with a clothesline. Tag to Shelton, who punches Kurt down. Kurt busts out with an elbow for Charlie, an elbow for Big Show, and an exploding clothesline for Shelton. Kurt down and crawling to his corner. Tag to Lesnar and he's a ball of fire! He literally throws TWGTT around like a couple of rag dolls after taking a tagged in Big Show down. Shoulders for Shelton in the corner, but his momentum is cut off by a big boot from Big Show. Show calls for the choke slam, Lesnar counters and nits a Vertical suplex. Tag to Angle, who dropkicks Shelton out of the ring, clotheslines Charlie over the top rope, and locks in the ankle lock on Big Show. Charlie comes in to help, but Brock jumps over Big Show to meet him. Foot to the gut and Charlie picked up for the F-5. Brock was too close to Kurt, tho, and Charlie’s feet swipe Kurt in the head. Brock is perplexed by the turn of events, and Shelton takes advantage and shoves Brock out of the ring. As Team angle work Brock over outside, Big Show is up and Kurt falls prey to the choke slam. Big Show covers: 1-2-3.

Afterwards, Brock takes care of TWGTT on his own, and as Big Show celebrates in the ring, Brock grabs a steel chair and proceeds to destroy Big Show with it. Kurt comes to, and wants some of that action, but Brock snatches the chair back and they proceed to argue. A quick shove, and they are fighting it out. Kurt kicks out of an F-5, Brock staves off an angle slam, but Big Show is up to deliver a double choke slam. Kurt and Brock are out on the mat, and Big Show mugs for the camera, and we are out.

You know, I liked this show, but despite the finalizing of some of the matches for the PPV, I'm still left with a sense of unfulfillment in some areas. Example: The Worlds Greatest Tag Team has a match at the PPV for the titles. Not like we'd know it, as The Filthy Animals still have yet to interact once with them. We’ll be going into the match Sunday 100% cold, with no buildup at all.

Speaking of not acknowledging your matches: Hello, Undertaker? Cena has been doing all the talking with not ONE rebuttal from you in the past three weeks. Just you coming out, glaring, and chasing Cena off. Heck you didn't even APPEAR on Smackdown tonight. I think Cena deserves the duke this Sunday, but he's not going to get it, not unless the FBI run down and chairshot 'Taker into oblivion like the last time Cena won against him.

Also: Billy and Jamie might be entertaining if WWE hadn't telegraphed the finish by a mile. Torrie might as well have slapped a piece of paper on Billy's back reading "Will job at the PPV" when she made the statement that she'll sleep with Jamie if he wins. Yeah, WWE could have Billy go over, but I doubt it, they seem to enjoy putting Torrie into uncomfortable situations, thinking people actually care.

Do I really need to get into Vince and Steph's matches? Two matches, only 1 actual wrestler out of the 4 participants, and the potential for a while lot of ugly. I'll watch Zack and Vince go at it, because the surrealness of Zack bouncing around the ring still hasn't worn off on me, but Sable/Steph will be my piss break.

The rest of the PPV looks pretty solid, tho. Eddie/Benoit could very well be match of the night, the bar room brawl will probably be 10 minutes of guilty pleasure fun (especially to see the Brawler get his hands on Doink), and the main event will be a nice capper for sure. Brock and Kurt working up some hostilities in the closing seconds of the match tonight made that bout all the more compelling.

Overall, the show had its ups and downs, but the downs were more than made up for by the ups. Enjoy the PPV; I know I'll be at my local Hooters.

See ya next week!

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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