by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Well, looks like I had myself a bona-fide open mouth insert foot moment last week. I got on Undertakers case about not showing up, as it turns out, his father just died and he couldn’t be at the shows. Yeah, you could make the argument that we really didn’t know about it until Friday, but I still feel a bit the cad.

On to Vengeance: Unfortunately, I missed it, and wouldn’t you know it, it was the ONE PPV that I shouldn’t have. Ahh well, I guess I’ll see it on video sooner or later. Oh, and one other thing: Big Show is now 0-how many in PPV matches where there are 3+ people in the mix? He was first Eliminated at Survivor Series 2001, First Eliminated at Wrestlemania 2000. How many other times has he been put in this situation only to come up with the short end of the stick?

WWE leader, and one crappy opening theme song later, and we have Pyro to bring us Live! (Taped) to Colorado Springs.

Eddie Guererro will be putting his newly acquired title up on the line later on tonight, and "Medal" Rings out and your NEW! WWE Champion, Kurt Angle is out.

Kurt says that he could go on a sappy tirade about him overcoming all odds and winning the title for the 5th time, but come on, he's Kurt Freaking Angle! He wasn't sure if it would actually happen after Wrestlemania, but he came back, and here he is! He says that it's a dream come true. Well, As if on cue, Brock Lesnar is out to act as the rude awakening to Kurt’s dreamtime.

Brock didn't mean to interrupt Kurt’s fun time, but he gives him props for beating him for the title. He wastes no time challenging Kurt for the title. Kurt is flattered, and teases us with the, "Oh I don't know..." before swerving directly down into "You're on!"

No Chance in Hell interrupts this touching moment and Vince is all smiles as he makes his way down to the ring. Vince equates Kurt's attitude with that of a campaigning politician. He calls Colorado "God Forsaken" and the does a TERRIBLE editing job to cover the crowd chant that apparently sprung up. Vince goes on to say that Kurt begged him earlier that day to NOT have Brock in a rematch. He plants the seeds of dissent in Brocks head by telling us all the Kurt is a ruthless and untrustworthy competitor, and will do anything to keep the title. He then says "No!" tot he rematch between Kurt and Brock, but just so that they can actually compete tonight, he's putting them in a tag team match against opponents of Vince's Choosing. Brock and Kurt share an uneasy stare as Vince departs and we break for commercials.

Were back, and Benoit is going to fight Rhyno later, but right now, we've got Rey Mysterio (W/ Billy Kidman) vs. Shelton Benjamin (W/ Charlie Haas).

Shelton gets us started with a waist lock; Rey reverses out with a drop toehold. Rey leads Shelton around the ring in a merry chase, drop toehold's Shelton into the ropes and misses a 619. Rey tries to keep the pressure on, but Shelton posts him in the corner and takes over. Charlie gets some outside offense and Shelton takes over with arm bars and shoulder breakers. Shelton working on the shoulder, but Rey elbows out and snapmares Shelton into the post. Rey kicks Shelton off, gets a shining wizard, and cover gets two. Shelton tries to Baldo Bomb Rey, but Rey reverses into a senton and gets the cover for 2. Rey with some boots for a charging Shelton, but Shelton comes back with an arm bar slam. Cover, only gets 2. Shelton puts Rey into a submission that Tazz has never seen before, and Charlie tries to pull the ropes away, but the ref catches him. Shelton breaks the hold and goes for a back suplex, but Rey flips over and chop blocks Shelton. Rey off the ropes, but Charlie trips him up. Billy runs around and takes Charlie out as Rey sets Shelton up for and hits the 619! Rey on the apron looking for a west coast pop, but Charlie grabs his leg. Kidman back up and he throws Charlie into the bell table. Rey up, Shelton tries to reverse the west coast pop into a power bomb, but Rey comes back up, punches Shelton in the head a couple times, and then gets a victory roll for the win! Afterwards, Filthy Animals celebrate.

Tazz and Cole go over Billy Gunn's loss to Jamie Knoble, setting up her having to sleep with Jamie tonight.

Well, speak of the devil, there's Jamie now. He's grooving to some bad rock music with an obnoxious cowboy hat on, a pair of Joe Boxers, cowboy boots, and nothing else. There's a knock on the door, and it's Torrie. Torrie is aghast at Jamie's attempts at sweet talk, and when he pulls the briefcase out. When Jamie suggests a bit of role-playing (Lone Ranger and Pocahontas, to be exact) Torrie says she's going to be sick, and darts for the bathroom. Jamie is nonplussed, tho, and hoots and hollers in anticipation of her return. Us? We go to commercial.

The slam of the week is still photos of Eddie's win over Benoit (with Rhyno's help) this past Sunday at Vengeance.

Benoit is out and he's not happy. Rhyno, tho, has decided to take a few seconds and tell Benoit he dislikes him. He got tired of being treated like a joke. He's not going to wrestle Benoit yet; he's going to give Benoit a warm up match with someone that knows a thing or two about jokes.

And Benoit's opponent tonight is Doink the Clown! Doink barely gets to the ring before Benoit grabs him and proceeds to DESTROY him. After about a minute of Benoit making Doink wish he hadn't come out, he ends it with a back suplex off the top rope, Flying Headbutt, and Crippler crossface finishes it off.

Back up on the Smackatron, Rhyno is impressed by Benoit's warm-up match, but "sometimes you just don't get what you want." With that, Rhyno shoulders his bag and leaves the building. Benoit is left pissed in the ring.

Back at the Hotel, Jamie has 'warmed up the bed' when there's a knock at the door. Jamie goes to answer, but it's not room service, it's Nidia. She gives him the 'Talk to the hand' at first, but then informs him that it's not about Torrie tonight, it's about Nidia. She removes her coat to reveal slinky lingerie, literally throws Jamie on the bed, jumps on top of her, and the camera focuses on Torrie making funny faces as Jamie and Nidia make strange noises on the bed.

Back from commercials, and Funaki and Spanky are admiring Kurt’s belt when Brock walks in. He wants to know what Kurt talked to Vince about. Kurt tells him that a rematch should be looked at with caution, and then has an idea on how Brock can get his rematch. They walk off as Spanky and Funaki talk over Bradshaw’s new book in the corner.

"Viva la Rasa!" Eddie is out in a shiny red convertible. Eddie fawns over the car for a bit, then goes to show off the hydro in the trunk, but is surprised when he found out that he had really smuggled Tajiri into the arena by mistake! Tajiri is all over Eddie and after a few seconds, He spews the green mist into Eddies face. Eddie is in pain as the trainers come to check on him.  Eddie claims that he can't see when the trainers ask him, so he calls off the match and takes his belt to leave. Referee Mike Chioda jumps in the ring and informs the announcer that if Eddie doesn't compete in the match with Tajiri tonight, then he forfeits the US Title. Eddie slowly makes his way back to the ring as we go to commercial.

Back, and Tajiri spinning heels Eddie down and proceeds to pound on him in the corner. Eddies head slammed on the mat a couple times, cover, only 2. Tajiri all over Eddie, grinding his face with his forearm. Eddie into the corner, but he has an eye poke for Tajiri. Eddie mounts the turnbuckles to beat on Tajiri; Tajiri grabs him, hanging Eddie in the tree of woe. BASEBALL SLIDE TO THE HEAD! Couple elbow drops to the back of the head, cover, only gets 2. Eddie pulls Tajiri into the turnbuckle and dumps him out of the ring. Eddie tries to chase after, the ref holds him up. Eddie taps Mike's shoulder, and runs the opposite way and attacks Tajiri outside of the ring. Chioda finally breaks them up and Eddie jumps back in the ring. Tajiri rolled back in, but he rolls all the way through the ring and out again to clear his head. Tajiri cautiously gets back in again. Test of strength interrupted by a kick and delivers a few more. Eddie comes back with a few rights, slam for Tajiri, slingshot senton. Cover, gets 2. Eddie going for the rear chin lock. Tajiri fighting up. Tazz and Cole discuss the green mist during the lull in the action (“I’ve taken the green mist before, you haven’t, shut up!”). Eddie puts Tajiri down and goes to the top turnbuckle, but Tajiri up to stop that with some swift kicks. Tajiri climbs up and Eddie eats a SUPERPLEX!  Edie back on his feet first. They trade rights, then some flippy floppy action, sending Eddie out. Tajiri slams Eddie into the UNFORGIVING STEEL ring steps. Tajiri back in, and the count is on. Eddie getting back up, but Tajiri has a baseball slide for him. Tajiri with a few kicks leaving him sprawling across the announce table. Eddie rolled back in, Tajiri covers, only gets 2. Eddie back up, punching Tajiri down. Eddie picking Tajiri up for a back suplex, but Tajiri counters with a head scissors! Handspring Elbow for Eddie. Eddie tries to escape tot he corner, Tajiri catches him and gives him the neck breaker tornado DDT! Tajiri crawls for the cover, but Eddie kicks out. They slug it out on the mat, but Tajiri surprises him with a dropkick! Cover, only 2. Both men back up, but Eddie strikes first and goes for the triple vertical, but on the 3rd, Tajiri reverses and sends Eddie into the corner. Tajiri jumps and locks in the tarantula. Ref breaks it up, and Tajiri sizes Eddie up. Eddie ducks the kick, ties up with Tajiri, and as he grabs onto the ref, mule kick for Tajiri sending him down. Eddie pleads ignorance as the ref argues. Eddie turns around, but ducks a second blast of Green mist, and the ref takes a face full. Tajiri kicks Eddie in the head then attends to the ref.  Outside the ring, Eddie grabs the title, and when Tajiri comes for him, he blasts him in the head with it. Eddie then grabs a bottle of water and uses it to flush the ref's eyes out. Once the Ref can see again, Eddie climbs up top, frogsplash, cover, 1-2-3. Eddie Collects his title and jumps in his low rider.

After the match, hype for Angle/Lesnar vs. ???? Later tonight, and Up Next, the Zack Gowan story!

Tazz and Cole hype Jake 2.0 and we are back to look at the Zack Gowan story.

When he was a kid, he loved wrestling. When he was 8, he got cancer and lost his leg. He was friends with a lot of kids who also had cancer, and he lost a lot of them. After losing his leg, he came back and became a pro wrestler. Yeah, it's inspirational and all, but it's nothing we haven’t seen before.

Coming up next, Zack is in action again! There's no stopping this kid!

This weeks Boot of the Week is Zack putting the boot to Vince at Vengeance.

And Zack is out to take on Mattitude in the form of Shannon Moore (W Matt Hardy and Matt Facts: Matt's favorite season is summer, and Matt's twice the wrestler that Zack is.)

They circle to start, and Shannon makes fun of Zack. Zack answers with a Japanese arm drag, some brawling, and Shannon bails. Shannon back in the ring, and Zack tries a tornado DDT, but Shannon reverses into a suplex into the turnbuckle. Shannon pulls Zack out of the corner. Shannon continues beating on Zack, hitting a swinging neck breaker. Zack in the corner, but Shannon eats an elbow on the charge. Zack with some bouncing kicks, then whipping Shannon off the ropes, hitting a flying heel kick. Zack up top, Missile Dropkick. Cover, only gets 2. Zack up, Moonsault, cover, only gets 2. Zack pulling Shannon up, Rolls the Dice. Matt up to interfere, but Zack gets a springboard clothesline to knock Matt off the apron. As Zack talks trash, Shannon gets a surprise rollup and the pin.

After the match, as Zack is distracted by Shannon’s celebration, Matt attacks from behind, Delivering a Side Effect and a twist of fate. Matt rips his shirt off and we go to commercial.

You know, there is just something really wrong about Taco Bell having a contest where you can win a years supply of free gas.

Back from commercials, and John Cena is out, and Cole helpfully tells us that Undertaker won't be here tonight because of the internal injuries that he suffered at Vengeance.

He proceeds to rap about how yeah, he lost, but it's Undertaker that's not walking right now. He makes some not so subtle references to undertakers relationship with Orlando Jordan. This brings Orlando out, who takes it right to John with a right hand. John comes right back, hangs Orlando up on the top rope, then goes to work with the knee to Orlando's midsection. Orlando gets a couple shots in, but Cena puts him right back down with a kick. Orlando tries for a schoolboy, but Cena hangs on to the rope, then blatantly chokes Orlando out. Cover, only gets 2. More blatant choking, but Orlando is fighting out. It turns out that it's merely jobber offense, as Cena picks him up and delivers the F-You. 1-2-3, and it's back to velocity with Spanky and Funaki for you, Orlando.

Back in the hotel, and Torrie is getting wasted on champagne. Jamie and Nidia emerge from the shower and suggest that they have a threesome, but they are interrupted by yet another knock at the door. Jamie goes to answer, and this time, it's Billy. He comes in all menacing like, and Torrie embraces him as Jamie and Nidia rush off camera. As it turns out, Nidia and Jamie can't keep their hands off each other and the grunting and funny noises commence again, this time with two spectators.

Back from commercials, and Vince is on the phone. Brock rudely interrupts him. Brock recalls Vince’s memory from a couple of weeks ago by reminding him that Vince challenged him to a match. Brock gives Vince the offer: how about next week, with Brocks Title shot on the line. Vince says he's not intimidated and tells Brock that he's on for the match next week, but needs to think about the Title Shot stip. He also gently reminds him not to turn his back on Kurt.

Back in the Hotel room, it looks like Torrie and Billy decided to join in, as they are all under the covers now.

Back in the ring, Sable is out, and she’s talking trash about Stephanie. We get the footage of Steph getting leveled by A-Train at Vengeance. Sable announces that A-Train is the first half of Vince's handpicked team to take on Brock and Kurt. Oh goody, you can sense my excitement, can't you?

And Weeeeelllllll! Since we haven’t seen The Big Show all night, it looks like he's A-Train's partner tonight, and The 900 pound job squad is reunited again. This reunion is so massive; we have to take a commercial break.

Back from commercials, and Brock is first out (not really smiling anymore), followed by Kurt. Kurt and A start. Lockup, and A shoves him off. Lockup again, Kurt shoved off again. Kurt gets an arm drag, and A-Train shoulder blocks Kurt down. Kurt forced into the corner, but Kurt ducks the charge, tries to cinch in the ankle lock, but A-Train makes the ropes, Tag to Brock, double shoulder block, and Brock works A-Train over for a bit. Tag back to Kurt, and A-Train comes back for a second, but Kurt takes over again. Kurt tries to whip off the ropes, but eats a boot from Big Show. A-Train gets a slam. Tag to Big Show, and Kurt gets worked over some more. Cover, Lesnar saves, and tries dragging Kurt back to his corner. Big Show drags Kurt back and lays in with some more offense. Kurt interrupts his headbutts, with a few right hands, but walks into a sidewalk slam. Tag to A-Train, who continues to pound on Kurt. A-Train cover is broken up by Brock, and A-Train walks into an Angle slam. Kurt gets the tag, Brock on fire as he knocks Big Show off the apron and throws A-Train around a bit. Big Show kicks Brock in the head, tho and Brock is down. Tag to Big Show, and Big picks Brock up, but Brock still has some fight left in him and delivers some rights. Big Show picked up, F-5! Kurt blind tags himself in, and gets the quick cover on Big Show for the 1-2-3. Afterwards, Brock is none too pleased that Kurt stole his glory. After arguing for a few seconds, Brock picks Kurt up and F-5's him as well.

This brings Vince out to get the last word in: Next weeks match, while Vince still hasn't decided if it's going to be for the title shot or not, he HAS decided that it will be held inside a 15 foot high steel cage! And the guest referee? None other than the man Brock just F-5'd; Kurt Angle. We get a final shot of Kurt writhing on the ground, and we are outtie.

Nothing to complain about tonight, typical post PPV show. Eddie and Tajiri were AWESOME, and none of the other matches overly stank either. Is everyone else as excited as me at the return of the "unstoppable force" that is the Big Show/A-Train tag team? Didn't think so. One thing tho: Ok, Vince, Zack is an inspiration to us all, can we let the kid get on with his career now? The Torrie/Jamie thing was played for laughs, as it should have been, but why am I getting the feeling that this is going to lead to a Billy Gunn/Jamie Knoble tag team? Hmm, Billy Gunn partnering with a loudmouth southern boy. Nahh, it'd never work.

But overall, not too shabby in the presentation tonight, with Vince’s last words giving us just enough drama for us to be intrigued by what will happen next week.

Until then, see ya Next Week!

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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