by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Wow, My how time flies. So fast, apparently that last week I passed my 6-month anniversary of recapping Smackdown for Online Onslaught. To everyone who encouraged me while I was toiling away on the OO Message Boards and when I first got the job, Thanks a lot. It's been a blast and hopefully I'll make it to a year without major incident.

Ok, enough sentimentality, on with the wrasslin!

WWE Leader and 2 weeks ago Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar met in the 15-FOOT HIGH UNFORGIVING STEEL CAGE! We get to see Brock decimate Kurt Angle again, and we go into the opening.

No Pyro this week as Kurt Angle is making his way to the ring (His red, white, and Blue pyro substitutes.) Angle grabs a mic and reminds Brock that he warned him before Vengeance that he would stop at NOTHING to regain the title. He's not here tonight to hatch some elaborate revenge scheme like Vince McMahon. No, tonight he's going to straightforward kick Brocks ass. He acknowledges that they have a match at Summerslam, but that's ok, he just wants to kick Brocks ass. He plans on staying in the ring until he gets an answer.

He doesn't have to wait long, as Vince is out fairly quickly. Vince is impressed that Kurt is in the ring, calls the people pathetic, and Kurt corrects him ("No, no, Vince. These people are calling you an asshole!") Vince says that it doesn't matter what Kurt or the people want, it's about what Vince wants. He tells us that there will be no fight tonight. Kurt doesn't like this, and tells Vince to tell it to his face in the ring, and punctuates it by calling him a stupid SOB. Vince makes for the ring, but stops halfway down the ramp. Vince says that he just saved Kurt's career, because if Kurt lays a hand on him or Brock Lesnar, then he will be suspended and stripped of the title. Vince knows that Kurt is hot to compete tonight, tho, so he makes a match with Big Show. Kurt reiterates that he doesn't want a match, he wants a fight, and proceeds to take it to Big Show. Big Show swings and misses with a big Haymaker, and Kurt proceeds to kick his ass until the refs pull him off as we go to commercial.

Marci X. My friends and I have a word for this kind of movie: Sympathetic Embarrassment. The thought is that the performers in it have no shame, so the audience has to be embarrassed for them. This movie looks to have a lot of that.

Back from commercials, and Vince can't believe Kurt Angles nerve. Big Show is letting out a lot of aggression and Vince makes the match a falls count anywhere Street Fight. Big Show smashes a desk.

Out to the ring, And Rey Mysterio is out to take on Matt Hardy (w/ Shannon Moore and Matt Facts: Matt has never lost his cell phone and Matts pants are hipper than Rey's) in a non-title match for the Cruiserweight title.

Circle, test of strength, Matt with a kick to the gut and powering Rey into a pin attempt, only getting two. Rey back up and springboards into a spinning leg scissors. Shannon tries to interfere, but Billy Kidman is out to make things fair. Matt trying to take control, but Rey reverses with a drop toehold that sends Matt outside. Rey with a springboard press to take Matt down outside. Matt rolled back in, but as Rey follows, Matt recovers and meets Rey with a waffle stomp as he's rolling in. Shannon grabs a chair to use on Rey, but Rey rolls away and Shannon smacks the apron, causing him to drop the chair. Billy is over to grab the chair and threaten Shannon, but the Ref is out to stop that. Billy protests, and the Ref doesn't want to hear it, so he ejects Billy as we go to commercial.

Back from commercials, and Matt is dominating Rey. Rey tries some offense, and eats ring post to give the advantage back to Matt. Matt stretches Reys shoulder with the assistance of the rope, then goes for a pin, only getting two. Rey reverses a whip into the corner, but Matt stops himself only to eat a spinning heel. Matt comes right back with a side effect. Cover, only getting two. Matt works a hammerlock, then picks him up for a slam, but Rey reverses into a spinning DDT. Both men back to their feet and trading rights, but Rey gets the advantage with a dropkick. Rey hitting a senton, but cover only gets 2. Rey falls into Mats arms, and he hits a reverse side-effect. Matt placing Rey on the ropes, but Rey fights Matt off. BIG moonsault gets only two on the cover. Matt back up and trying to come back, but Rey Drop-toe-holds him into the ropes. Shannon comes in to interfere and gets a Drop-toe-hold of his own. Rey looks indecisive, and goes after Shannon, only to be clotheslined down by Matt. Matt setting Rey up, but Zack Gowan is down to apply a well-timed cane shot. Matt falls back into the ropes, and Rey hits the 619. West Coast pop, and it's all over! Zack gives us 'retribution' on the ramp as Rey celebrates in the ring.

Commercials.

WWE Confidential this Saturday features Ernie Ladd.

Moments ago: Zack made a difference.

Backstage, Vince greets Brock who is concerned with the state of Vince’s office. Vince catches Brock up on the night’s events. Brock wants a match tonight, so Vince consults his random booking generator and makes a match with Zack Gowan. Brock promises to break Zacks Leg.

Tazz and Cole are agog that Vince would feed Zack to the wolves like that, then use it to segue into Vince's treatment of Stephanie over the past few weeks, to include the run ins with A-Train. Stephanie is suffering from internal injuries because of her match against A-Train last week. They send out their best wishes, and we cut to backstage where Billy Gunn, Jamie Knoble, Torrie, and Nidia are walking, presumably towards the ring for a match. We'll have to wait until after commercials to see against whom.

The Lugs Boot of the Week is the Redneck Connection's fracas with the Bashams from last week.

We're back, and Cole has cornered Zack Gowan's mother, which immediately means that Zack is going to be treated horribly in front of her tonight. She is aghast at the thought of Brock's maliciousness.

The tender family moment is interrupted by "Ass Man" and the Redneck connection (W/ broads) are out to take on the Bashams (W/ Shaniqua). The rednecks dive out of the ring to brawl with Danny and Doug as Tazz makes a stupid "Jamie’s got a Gunn" joke. Back in the ring, and Doug gets Tilt-a-whirled by Billy to start it. Billy sends him into the corner, but unfortunately, it was the Bashams corner and Billy proceeds to get worked over by both of them. Danny tagged in, and he dominates for a minute, then tags Doug back in. Doug with the clubbing forearms across the face, followed by stomps. Tag to Danny, but Billy dodges a splash attempt and levels both of them with a clothesline. Tag to Jamie, and he cleans house. Cover on Doug, kicks out at 2. Jamie up on the top rope, Savage Elbow, but cover only gets 2. Jamie with a reverse roll up with a bridge, but Shaniqua reaches in and pulls him off. Torrie and Nidia try to attack her, but Shaniqua no sells and levels the both of them with a double clothesline. Jamie recovers and the brothers have pulled the switch inside the ring, so when Jamie goes to grab Doug, Doug springs up and rolls him up into a small package. 1-2-3 and the Bashams have stolen one. Shaniqua gathers her boys and they head out.

Backstage, Zack is making his way to the ring when he's stopped by Brock. Zack tries to talk tough but Brock shuts him up and tells him that after tonight, Zack isn't going to have a leg to stand on.

We're back from commercials and we go over Brocks treatment of Spanky last week.

Out in the arena, Brock Lesnar is out, looking less than enthused about what he's about to do. Zack follows, and his mother wildly applauds. Zack hesitant to get in the ring, but he finally does. Cole calls Brock a "manster." They face off in the ring a bit, and Brock gets out of the ring. He goes to shake hands with Zacks mom, who refuses. Brock turns around to have Zack jumping down on him from the top rope in a cross body press. Zack getting a few shots in, but Brock shrugs him off and throws him away. Brock turns back to Zacks mom, and get whacked by Zacks prosthetic leg. Zack is able to get a couple more shots in before Brock shrugs him off again. Zack thrown in the ring, and the "match" starts. Brock beats down on Zack for a bit, eventually throwing him out of the ring. Brock grabs a chair and blasts Zack with it, drawing the DQ. Brock continues the assault, taking moments here and there to taunt Zacks mom. Brock finishes off with an F-5 off the ring post, head butting Zack into oblivion, and F-5ing Zack once again off the ring post. Zacks mom jumps the barricade and the refs and medics are down. Zack is bleeding like a stuck pig now, so whenever the camera is on him, they bleed the color out of the feed. Brock gloats as they cart him off. When they get Zack tot he top of the ramp, Brock catches up to them and upends the stretcher, sending Zack flying. They have gone to blurryvision when the camera is on Zack now. Brock grabs the backboard, brings it back to the ring and holds it over his head as we go to commercial.

Moments ago, Zack had a bad day.

Cole berates Brock for his heinous actions, and Tazz agrees. Tazz tries to stay cool, but Cole is going nuts on commentary, and wishes Kurt Angle to break every bone in Brock's body.

After this, we go to a package summing up the matches for Summerslam set to St. Anger.

John Cena is out to rap about Brock Lesnars treatment of Zack. He says Zack doesn't need a handicap, that he is from Detroit is the only reason he needs to suck. He runs the arena down a bit more, and Cole lets us know that he's in Tag Team Action right after this.

The Whack of the Night is A-Train abusing Stephanie last week.

A-Train is John's partner, and together, they are taking on Orlando Jordan and Undertaker (who is appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight.)

Cena and Undertaker start. 'Taker with a quick takedown and wrestling Cena down. 'Taker beating on Cena until A-Train tries to interfere. Ref stops him and Cena takes advantage of the break with a kick to the ribs. Cena tries to keep it up, but 'Taker takes over. Old School real quick, and tag to Orlando. Orlando flies around Cena for a bit, but Cena gets a way from him and makes the tag to A-Train. A-Train yells that he wants Undertaker, but when Orlando turns around, A-Train levels him. A-Train working Orlando over, but Orlando gets a dropkick out of nowhere, and both men are down. Double Tag, and Undertaker cleaning house. Splash for Cena, Splash for A-Train, Dragon sleeper locked in on Cena. A-Train grabs a chair, but before he can use it, Orlando makes the save. Orlando eats a baldo-bomb for his trouble, but A-Train turns around into a choke slam. Undertaker returns his attention to Cena, setting him up for the last ride, but A-Train is in with the chain-assisted shot to the ribs to put Undertaker down. Cena rolls over, covers and gets the win.

Commercials.

Back from commercials, and Sable is tricking in the backstage area. She spies A-Train and talks him up. Vince has ho'd her out to A-train tonight, and she slips him her room key. Meanwhile, I'm in the bathroom puking.

Back out in the arena, Rhyno and Eddie are out to the ring in a primerd flame low rider. Eddie pings the hydros a couple times, and Tajiri and Chris Benoit are out to take them on.

Chris wants to shake hands to start, but Eddie isn't biting. Eddie tries to sneak a kick in, but Benoit catches him and turns it into a leg whip. Eddie gains a quick advantage with some chops, but Chris reverses with a Back Body drop. Chris with some chops of his own. Eddie forces Chris into his own corner and tags to Rhyno. Eddie hangs onto Chris as Rhyno pounds on him. Rhyno goes to work with the power moves. Tag back to Eddie, and Eddie locks in an armbar/ab-stretch hold. Eddie with the vertical suplex hat trick. Eddie calling for the frog splash and he goes to the top rope, but Benoit meets him up there and reverses into a superplex. Both men down and crawling to their corners. Double tag and Tajiri strikes first with a spinning heel on Rhyno. Kicks all around, taking both Rhyno and Eddie down in turn. Tajiri waits in the corner and locks in the tarantula. As the ref is distracted with him, Benoit hits the flying headbutt. Tajiri breaks the hold and goes for the finishing kick, but Rhyno explodes with the goar out of nowhere. Cover, and Rhyno and Eddie win it. Rhyno goes after Chris, but Chris turns it into a crossface. Eddie jumps in the ring with the title belt and breaks that up with a shot to Benoit. Eddie picks Rhyno up, they shake hands, and when Rhyno turns around, Eddie blasts HIM with the title belt. Eddie making to leave, but he comes back in, blasts Tajiri once for good measure, THEN he leaves.

Back from commercial, and Kurt Angle is out for his street fight with Big Show. Kurt leaves his belt in the ring and makes his way back u the ramp. Big Shows music hits, and Kurt is brawling with him right out of the gate. Kurt and Big Show trade blows all the way down the ramp until Big Show puts Kurt down. Big Show grabs a table and slides it in the ring. Kurt beats Big Show back in the ring and starts brawling with him. Big Show gets the better of the exchange, tho, and starts taking Kurt apart. Big Show slams him down on the table, then drops the leg on him. A couple big slaps in the corner, and Big Show grabs the table to use it as an offensive weapon. Kurt kicks it back into Show's face. Kurt with some rights, but Show shoves him off. Show setting the table up, but Kurt is in with a steel chair. Kurt goes for another swing, but Big Show punches it right back into Kurts face. Big Show going for the powerbomb, but Kurt has grabbed the chair and when he gets up, he blasts Show with it. Show charges in, but Angle has the low bridge and Show tumbles out. Angle following and they brawl for a bit outside. After trading post shots, Kurt is able to get the ankle lock on. Big Show kicks him off, but Kurt comes back with an angle slam on the announce table. Kurt grabs a steel chair, climbs on top of the steel steps placed there earlier, and hits a chair assisted leg drop. Angle with the cover, but Big Show kicks out. Angle picking Show up and rolling him back in the ring. Big show swinging with a haymaker, but Angle ducks under, grabs him and hits another Angle Slam through the table. Angle falls on top, Ref counts 3, Angle wins.

After the match, Brock comes out and stands at the top of the ramp. Angle grabs the title and shows it off. Brock makes the "the belt is mine" gesture, and we fade out.

Decent show tonight. Things felt a bit rushed, tho. We got basic lip service to do the final set up of the Smackdown matches for Summerslam and that's all it felt like to me. Doesn't dampen my enthusiasm for Summerslam, tho, which I will be catching at a friend’s house in Northern Virginia.

See ya Next week!

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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