by The Rick
Undisputed Lord and Master of OnlineOnslaught.com

I had pegged this week as the week to give SD! a good once-over.

I pegged wrong.

I wound up having to dedicate a bunch of time to a OO column, what with the the sudden death of Crash Holly.  As I head out of town today, I'm left to do a bit of a rush job on the SD! recap.  I apologize that this will not be up to my usual RAW Recap standards... but I think you'll still get what you need from this report.

Here goes...

• No recap package or anything to start... just the opening theme and pyro, and then it's to the ring to start it off with a match.
   
• John Cena defeated Rey Mysterio.  Prior to the match, Cena did some mic work; although he ripped on Rey, fans laughed and cheered him.  Memorable taunts: Rey is the "Mexican Gary Coleman," and he and Rey don't see eye to eye because "your face is at my [raise mic, let crowd finish the rhyme]."  Match was largely controlled by Cena, who had a few spots where he sort of swatted Rey out of the air to end a Mysterio rally.  In fact, the finish was along those lines: with the ref temporarily bumped, Rey came at Cena for a West Coast Pop, but Cena dodged and hit a mega-uppercut to Rey's sac in mid-air.  The ref turned back around in time to see Cena nail the F-U for the pinfall win.  Good 6 minute opening match. 
  
• Bonus angle:  Immediately after the match, Paul Heyman led Team Lesnar down to the ring.  Standing outside, Heyman said he was giving Cena an opportunity: he was naming Cena as the fifth member of Team Lesnar.  But Cena had a problem with that: he didn't think he'd fit on on "Team Sasquatch," and anyway, he doesn't like being told what to do.  At that point, A-Train attacked from out of the crowd, and began a beatdown on Cena.  Lesnar, Big Show, Matt Morgan, and Nathan Jones joined in, with Lesnar doing the most damage with a wicked stiff chair shot.
   
• Backstage: Team Lesnar surrounds A-Train, who thinks he's in trouble for interrupted Heyman's pitch to Cena.  But no, Heyman LIKES A-Train's initiative, and offers HIM the spot on Team Lesnar.  A-Train accepts.  Handshakes all around.
   
• Backstage: Eddie is getting ready for his match tonight when Chavo walks up.  Chavo says Eddie has to win tonight, to which Eddie says, "Duh."  Eventually Chavo gets to his point, though: Eddie has to win, and not for the fans or his family or himself.  He needs to win for Chavo.  Because Eddie got pinned and lost Chavo's tag titles, and now he has to make it up to Chavo.  Oh, and Eddie's gonna be going it along in the match: Chavo says Heyman barred him from ringside.
   
• Big Show defeated Bradshaw.  A slobberknocker if ever there was one.  Not as bad as I might have feared, but still pretty pedestrian; just random brawling, really, with little crowd interest.  Show won by blocking a lariat and hitting a chokeslam.  A forgettable four minutes, but the story here was that Team Lesnar put another one over on Team Angle.
   
• Backstage: Paul Heyman corners Torrie Wilson and tells her she will please him, and she will do it with a pretty smile, and she will do it in three minutes.  Why must everyone study at Vince McMahon's School for Creepy Perverted Bosshood?
   
• Backstage: well, actually, I don't know what happened.  My UPN affiliate screwed up the ad break, and cut back to SD! just in time for me to see 1.6 seconds of Benoit and Angle looking pissed.  From the Spoilers, I gather this is what happened: "Backstage: Kurt Angle is irate after learning that Faarooq will not be medically cleared to wrestle on Team Angle at Survivor Series.  Chris Benoit is trying to calm him down when Torrie Wilson (acting as messenger girl for Paul Heyman), arrives and tells Angle and Benoit that in tonight's main event, they will be facing members of Team Lesnar in a handicap match (minus Big Show, who already wrestled)."
   
• Video Package/Undertaker Feature:  more of a sit-down interview with Taker, interspersed with clips of pertinent moments, tell the story of Taker's feud with Vince.  Taker says this is about respect, and that what he does to Vince at the PPV isn't just for him, it's for guys like Bret Hart and Steve Austin and Stephanie and Linda and everybody else Vince has disrespected over the years.  A very effective little 4 minute piece.
   
• Vignette: Ernest "the Cat" Miller is coming back...  but until he gets here, he's doing little skits like this one, in which he's dancing, getting dressed up (with help from the APA's former butler, who is now wearing an afro wig for some reason), and hitting the town with some ladies.  Nee haw?
   
• Eddie Guerrero defeated the Basham Brothers.  Good stuff here.  Early on, the Bashams did "psychological warfare" by using some homoerotic stuff against Eddie, which Eddie humorously fended off.  Then it got good, with the Bashams showing some double team synergy, and Eddie selling it all expertly.  But in the end, Eddie was able to rally, and was getting ready to nail a Frog Splash.  Shaniqua attempted to interfere and drew the ref and Eddie's attentions, which allowed Doug and Danny to try one of their blind switches.  But Eddie grabbed Shaniqua's riding crop and shoved her off the apron, and apparently also saw Doug and Danny switch spots.  So Eddie went into Cheat Mode, and whacked the ref with the crop, and then handed it to [either Doug or Danny, I can't remember].  As [either Doug or Danny] argued with the ref, saying he didn't hit the ref, Eddie rolled that Basham up from behind for the win.  Good 8 minute match, fun finish that lets Eddie win in a plausible fashion without tarnishng the tag champs reps.
   
• Backstage: Eddie and Chavo are in a celebretory mood, as they head out of the arena in their low rider.  A stereotypical Mexican horn tune is dubbed in for absolutely no good reason.
   
• Vince McMahon hits the ring for a promo.  He starts by trying to come off as humble and sincere, but heelishness is not far behind.  He's here to make an invocation, and the arena lights dim, leaving Vince in a single spotlight.  He says he feels honored to have been called by a higher power to bury the Undertaker once and for all.  It's a glorious quest to vanquish an infidel and alot of mumbo jumbo like that.  Vince goes on for a few minutes, and finally closes with an Amen.  Actually, for one of Vince's absurdly over-acted pieces, this was somehow kind of appropriate and amusing.
   
• Everybody Loves Hardcore: the SD! locker room talks about how Bob Holly is the toughest man of all time, and put him over in various ways.  I think Kurt Angle has a man-crush on Bob, or something... jeez.
   
• Ultimo Dragon and Jamie Noble beat Tajiri and Nunzio.  A third really solid match, with the story coming through that Noble REALLY wanted to get Tajiri alone in the ring, but couldn't corner him.  Noble did some work with Nunzio, but then Dragon wound up doing the lion's share of the work, as the face in peril for several minutes.  Finally the hot tag came to Jamie, who finally got his hands on Tajiri.  Dragon and Nunzio wound up powdering out after Dragon his an Asai Moonsault on the outside, leaving Noble to counter Tajiri's attempted handspring slingshot elbow with a fancy roll-up.  Good stuff.  After the match, Tajiri's friends tried to attack Noble, but Noble got out of dodge, instead of playing the numbers game.
   
• PPV Hype Central: Tazz and Cole run down the SD! half of the Survivor Series card.
   
• Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle defeated Brock Lesnar, A-Train, Nathan Jones, and Matt Morgan via disqualification.  Lesnar left the other three guys to work the first ten minutes of the match without him, as he instead sat down to do some commentary (and was pretty funny at times).  Shockingly, the match didn't suffer too badly.  Though it was purely formula (as you pretty much have to do when it's two little guys against four big guys), Jones and Morgan both looked competent.  I won't even do the expected smark thing and say, "Well, *I* could look good working against Benoit and Angle."  Credit to the big men for putting their stuff together in an effective fashion.  Neither was re-inventing the wheel (a lot of stuff like clubbing fore arms, head butts, and no selling the smaller guys' stuff), but it came off well.  The heels controlled the match through a commercial break, and then, shortly after coming back, Benoit is tossed out to ringside.  Lesnar begs Cole, "Hey, Nancy, why don't you ask me why I'm doing commentary instead of wrestling again?"  Cole complies.  Lesnar says, "You know, you have a point.  Maybe I should get to work."  Heh heh.  Lesnar gets up and commences to pounding on Benoit.  Then Lesnar decides to get up on the apron and tags into the match legally.  The heel beat down continues until Benoit is able to make a hot tag to Angle, who manages to hit a few spots and take advantage of failed/backfired attacks by the heels to gain control.  Benoit recovers, and against all odds, Jones and Morgan are KO'ed, while Angle anklelocks Lesnar and Benoit crossfaces A-Train.  But before anyone can tap, Show lumbers in and causes the DQ by going after Benoit and Angle.  Bradshaw comes out to sort of even the odds, and KOs Show with a lariat.  But the heels still have numbers.  And then, out sprints John Cena to a huge pop.  Steel chair in hand, he tries to clean house, until he's stopped cold by a recovered Big Show.  Lesnar grabs the chair, and uses it to make sure Cena, Bradshaw, Benoit, and Angle are all knocked cold as SD! came to an end.  Kind of one dimensional for a main event match, but competently executed.  The story: Team Lesnar's physical dominance and the cherry on Cena's babyface turn (setting up him replacing Faarooq on Team Angle)...  those elements were handled great, so this was still an entertaining final 15 minutes.

Really solid show this week.  Plenty of in-ring action, plenty of good stories/angles/mic work, with Cena's face turn lending a pretty special/memorable feel to the show.  Even the Vince/Taker segments were plusses this week.

I'm going with SD! over RAW this week in Battle of the Brands....

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