by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Ok, so it doesn’t have the same “Oomph” as the Godfather, but hey, I try. Ok, not really…

Next week, you’re humble recapper will be handing the duties over to Rick again as I head to Columbus to attend Ohayocon. Yeah, by the time Smackdown ends, I will hopefully be off the road and waiting in the hotel for Rick to come by and kick my ass for dumping it on him again. But, of course, I’ll be back in 2 weeks to fill your bandwidth with my verbal goodness. Or something.

5 Minutes out: a wedge has been driven in between Los Guererros. What’ll it mean for this week? Find out next!

WWE Leader, Opening, and we’ve got Pyro from the Mohegan Sun Casino. Later tonight, Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi get their title match against the Bashams, but right now, Paul Heyman is in the ring (sign in crowd: Paul, put your hat back on). Paul reminds us that the Royal Rumble will be in 2 weeks, and since only 15 Smackdown Superstars can be in the rumble, he’s devised a series of matches where the winners will go to the rumble and the losers will “bust out” whatever that means.

John Cena decides to do some busting out of his own. Paul goes BALLISTIC as Cena gets in the ring. Cena shushes him in between rants. Cena is out to spoil Heymans big day. He compares Heyman to something found in a toilet, and says that he’ll bounce Paul like an ECW check (oooo, BURN!) He asks the crowd if they want to see him beat up Paul, they give the thumbs up. John gives us the ‘Rhyme along with John’ word of the night (“Ass”) and grabs Paul and looks to FU him, but Rhyno is out of the crowd to knock Cena down and then deliver a DEVISTATING GOAR! (Complete with Paul grabbing a mic and screaming “GOAR! GOAR!”) Paul then lets Cena know that this will be a night he’ll never forget, and we go to commercials.

Back, and we see a WWE Originals billboard in Times Square (The World, we hardly knew ya!) Back to the arena, and Rey Mysterio is out to provide commentary on the #1 contender match for the Cruiserweight title. Jamie Knoble drags Nidia down to ringside, and Tajiri brings the Yakuza with him.

Circle, some chain wrestling and Tajiri starts firing away with the kicks and punches. Tajiri drags Jamie back up, but Jamie gets a short arm clothesline. Tajiri picked back up, but a few well-placed kicks turns the tide in his favor. Abdominal stretch on Jamie leads to a hiptoss and both men down. Jamie up and brawling Tajiri down. Jamie delivering some kicks of his own. Cover gets 2. Tajiri tries for a tarantula, that doesn’t work so he simply gives Jamie a Boot to the Head (Yaa Yaa!) Outside the ring, Akio and Sakoda accost Nidia. Rey goes to help, but Jamie jumps out and takes Rey out with a sucker punch. Tajiri going for a slingshot press, but Jamie pulls Nidia in the way to take the impact. Jamie rolls Tajiri back in, a quick Tiger Bomb, and Jamie is going to Royal Rumble as the #1 contender.

Going to the Amazing Flashback cam: To start the show, John Cena got in Heymans face. Now Paul is out for his rebuttal. He accuses Cena of corrupting the youth of America, and something needs to be done. Therefore, Paul has made a match for Cena against Rhyno. But this is no ordinary match. No no, this is a “Loser gets his mouth washed out with soap” match. Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue that easily, but hey, it’s as good a reason as any to make the match. Oh, and of Cena beats Rhyno, it’ll be Paul’s mouth to be washed out.

Back from commercials, and last week, Hardcore Holly pulled Brock’s punk card.

Backstage, Josh is interviewing Big Show with a neck brace on (Big show has the brace, not Josh.) Big Show also has a bunch of the local policia around him and Brock doing his talking for him. The cops are there to keep Bob Holly at least 50 feet away from him, in accordance to a restraining order Big Show has out. Brock says that he’s got Big Show’s back, and claps him on the back, which causes big wincing.

Tazz and Cole throw it to a recap package of Los Guererros’ break-up from last week, and backstage, Kurt Angle is WALKING! He finds Eddie chilling out in his locker room. He asks Eddie how he’s doing, which gets a shrug. He then lets Eddie know that Chavo won’t be here tonight, but Chavo’s father will be here to personally apologize for Chavo’s behavior. Kurt also has other news. It seems that Paul Heyman, at the request of Angle, has made the match: Eddie will be taking on Chavo 1 on 1 at the Royal Rumble. Angle says that everyone knows that Eddie wants to tear Chavo apart. Eddie snaps and says that he doesn’t want to, that it would be like tearing a piece of himself apart if he went after Chavo like that. Eddie tells Angle to stay out of his business and heads out.

Back from commercials, and we get a bit of rappage from John Cena from WWE Originals.

Out in the arena, and Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi are out to get their title shot they got suckered out of last week. Dawn-Marie comes out, instead of the Bashams. She lets them know that they will not be competing for the Tag Team titles. Instead, they will be fighting each other for a chance at one of the slots in the Royal Rumble. They give each other perplexed looks, then shrug, touch knuckles and get started.

Lockup, and Scotty tries a hiptoss, but Rikishi throws a clothesline, which Scotty ducks and chains into a rollup for 2. Both men back up, and Scotty gets a brief flurry of offense before Rikishi takes over and ends it with a banzai drop. Match was about as long as it took you to read it. Afterwards, Rikishi spares a long glance at Scotty as Tazz and Cole ponder whether this will signal the breakup of the team.

Back from commercials, and we get a package showing us what a great time YOU missed when you missed the house shows this weekend.

The Bashams are out (W/ Shaniqua), and they will be defending the tag team titles against The Worlds Greatest Tag Team! Christmas came early!

Before everyone can start, Tazz interrupts and lets us know that he’s getting some info through his headset that this match is now NOT for the titles, but for another two spots in the Royal Rumble.

Charlie and Danny start. Danny controls to start, so Charlie turns the tide with some mat wrestling. Tag to Shelton, but Doug is able to gain control and forces Shelton into the corner and tags Doug in. Doug brawls Shelton down, quick rollup, and pin is interrupted by Charlie. Shelton dumped out, and Shaniqua tries to kick Shelton, but he catches her foot. Before he can do anything, he is double-baseball-slided by the Bashams. Shelton back in, and Danny starts working Shelton’s back. They do the standard quick tag routine, switching off and working on Shelton. Shelton gets a back body drop on Doug and gets away to tag Charlie in. Charlie is a BALL O FAR as he takes down both Bashams. Much brawling ensues, ending up with Doug about to powerbomb Charlie, but he eats a Shelton superkick and Charlie rolls over to get the pin and the spots in the royal rumble!

Backstage, Kurt is looking through some papers as a stagehand comes up to let him know that Chavo Guererro Sr. has just arrived.

Back, and Chavo sr. is coming out to Chavo Jr.’s music. He doesn’t blame us for booing him, especially with what’s going on with the Guererro family. The family is being torn apart, and everyone is ashamed of Chavo. Chavo Sr. wants to apologize to Eddie personally, so Eddie comes out to the ring. Chavo Sr. holds the ropes for Eddie. Eddie has a question for him, tho: Did Chavito send you? Dad says that he’s here on his own. Eddie gets belligerent. He then asks Dad if he purposefully raised Chavo to be a backstabbing little pinhead. Chavo looks ready to mix it up, but Eddie recants and says that he knows the Chavo Sr. raised Chavo Jr. better than that. Chavo Sr. says that Eddie is right, and it should be Chavo Jr. out here apologizing. As if by magic, Chavo’s music hits again and Jr. is out. He stops before he gets to the ring. Eddie makes to go after him, but he’s taken out from behind by Chavo Sr.! Chavo Jr. dives into the ring and together, Father and son commence the beatdown on Eddie. Dad holds Eddie as Jr. screams in Eddies face that he will never apologize to Eddie, and delivers a few blows to the dome before Kurt Angle sprints to the ring for some timely intervention as we go to commercial.

Moments ago, Father and Son had a bonding moment at Eddie’s expense, and during the commercials, they hightailed it out of the arena.

Back to the arena, it’s time for a 6-man Tag Team match. The FBI are out first and their opponent is Dawn Marie. Wait, she’s just out to tell them that because they couldn’t get the job done against Benoit last week, they are going to have to have another mini-rumble, this time against themselves to see which one makes it in.

Nunzio tries to shout Chuck and The Bull out. He gets Chuck into the corner and orders him out. Chuck says ok and goes to step over the top rope, but wait, he’s back in to lay Nunzio out with a hard right hand. Chuck and Bull start brawling until Nunzio pulls them apart and tries to kick Chuck, but Chuck catches him and levels him with a clothesline. Bull interferes with a flying dropkick to Chucks back and they start brawling in the corner. Chuck gets The Bull out on the apron and Bull fights off both Chuck and Nunzio. Chuck sets up for a jungle kick, but misses. Nunzio charges in and knocks Bull off the apron and uses his momentum to push Chuck over to win the spot in the rumble.

Afterwards, everyone grudgingly makes up.

Backstage, Eddie storms into Kurt’s locker room, pissed as all hell. Kurt begs off, claiming he didn’t have anything to do with it, and he doesn’t want to fight Eddie. Eddie grins maniacally and says he doesn’t want to fight Angle either, he wants to thank him. You see, Eddie has seen the light, and now he can’t wait to kick Chavo’s ass at the royal Rumble. Eddie storms out, leaving Kurt with a, ‘What have I started’ look on his face.

Back, and tonight’s episode of Smackdown is brought to you by Ivory soap (a 6-pack of which being lovingly hand modeled by Tazz.)

In the ring, and Funaki is in the ring for a Royal Rumble qualifying match, but his opponent is The Big Show (W/ Brock Lesnar and numerous security guys.)

Funaki charges in and… well… match goes how you’d expect. Big Show beats Funaki down for a bit until he gets distracted by Hardcore Holly’s appearance on the ramp. Funaki jumps Big Show from behind and tries to choke Big Show out through the neck brace, but Big Show shrugs him off and takes Funaki down with one punch. Cover is perfunctory.

Backstage, Heyman pumps Rhyno up, basically telling him that he’s a symbol of America and it’s America’s duty to wash Cena’s mouth out with soap. Paul goes on to remind Rhyno that the days of Stephanie McMahon are over, and now Rhyno can cut loose and the Extreme Rhyno can make his return. Rhyno glowers as we go to commercial.

Back, and its time for week two of the Best of Billy Gunn, and it’s his win at King of the Ring ’99.

After a quick recap of the Smackdown side so far for the Royal Rumble, Rhyno is out to take on John Cena. After a quick promo from Paul hyping the return of the ECW attitude (I.E. Rhyno can fight ECW style, Cena cant), both men start out brawling all over the place, with Rhyno getting the better of the exchange and dumping Cena out. Cena back in, and Rhyno trying to pick him up, but Cena explodes with a series of clotheslines to take Rhyno down. Rhyno bails and starts to hightail it out, but Cena runs after and drags him back. Back in the ring, Rhyno takes control again, clothslineing him down, Shoulders in the corner, and locking in a crossover choke. Cena fights his way out and in the process, throws Rhyno out. Cena tries to capitalize, but Rhyno is too tough and takes Cena down again. Cena back in the ring, and Rhyno grabs a shinnai and starts working John’s back with it. Rhyno with the cover, but it only gets two. Rhyno throwing Cena out of the ring and chasing after to continue the beatdown. Rhyno poses for the crowd, Cena gets a shot in and tries to escape back into the ring, but Rhyno grabs him and makes him eat ring steps. Rhyno with the steel chair and Cena takes one to the back. Cena rolled back into the ring and the chair set up in the corner. Rhyno tries a cross corner whip, but Cena reverses and Rhyno eats chair. Cena hits the throwback, and then the pump it up elbow drop. Cena grabbing Rhyno for the FU, but Heyman with the Low blow. Rhyno covers, only gets 2. Rhyno setting up for the gore, but Cena dodges. Rhyno chasing him out of the ring and tossing him around, catching him and making him eat barrier. We go to commercials as Rhyno is setting up a table in the ring.

Back, and Rhyno is abusing Cena on the table. Rhyno goes up to the top rope and goes for a splash, but Cena moves and Rhyno eats the table (it’s still flat on the mat). Cena rolls over and tries for a cover, but Rhyno kicks out. Rhyno returns the favor, but Cena kicks out at 2. Both men up and exchanging fisticuffs, with Rhyno getting a spinebuster. Both men down and the count is on. Rhyno up, and Cena is set up for the gore through the table, Rhyno charges, but Cena dodges and Rhyno turns the table into toothpicks with his head. Cena with the FU, 1-2-3, and it’s time for Paul Heyman to get his mouth washed out with soap.

Heyman has a different idea, tho, and decides to hightail it out of there. Chris Benoit’s music hits and Here’s the Wolverine out to escort Paul back down to the ring. After getting chased around for a bit, Benoit puts him in the Sharpshooter. Chris makes Paul scream for a bit until Cena has him back off. Cena plays around for a bit, taunting Paul before finally getting the soap and making Paul take a big Sharpshooter assisted bite. We fade out with Paul choking on the soap crumbs and Benoit and Cena having a laugh at his expense.

Another good show this week. More drama unfolds in the Guerrero family, this time featuring one of the older brothers. Chavo Sr. would be an interesting part time addition, as he looks like he can still make his way around the ring pretty well. Everything else was entertaining, but nothing spectacular. Basically, one more on the steady road to the Royal Rumble.

See ya in Two weeks!

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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