by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

5-Minute out Bumper: Last Sunday, Two men collided on the grandest stage of them all, Wrestlemania XX! One had a mission (“To put an end to the Eddie Guererros of the world!”), the other had a plan “(“To Lie, Cheat, and Steal!”) Who will walk into Smackdown the champion? If you’ve been living under a rock for the past week, find out, NEXT! 

WWE leader, and we open to Tony Chimel asking us to please welcome the NEW WWE US Champion: John Cena!! YO YO YO YO YO YO YO! Apparently the crowd is live tonight, and Cena lets us know that this is where he’s from (Boston Garden) Lets us know that he’s all about the old school Boston (He bought tickets at the OLD Boston Garden, ya know!) He proclaims that he put Big Show on the F-U diet, and he came out 10 pounds lighter (tapping the belt for emphasis.) He proceeds to crack on Michael Cole, the FCC, and says the Yankees suck, drawing a lusty roar from the crowd. John gets ready for action, but when Tony announces his opponent, Paul Heyman makes an entrance and looks to give us a few words. He doesn’t beat around the bush, and lets us know that Brock Lesnar is now gone, and he won’t be coming back. He tells John that this is a chance for him to become the New Face of Smackdown!™ But since there is this lottery thing happening on Monday, that’s all up in the air. Paul runs down the stipulations of the lottery, and says that every member of the Smackdown locker room had better pray that they get drafted by Raw, because he will make them all pay for letting him get stunnered by Stone Cold. Paul is in the ring now and drawing an asshole chant. He says that he’s going to make all of the Smackdown superstars lives hell, “Including yours, you pathetic piece of Boston Trash!” and proceeds to slap John across the face. John No-sells it and catches Paul’s second attempt, then lays Paul out with a right and commences the beat down.

Rhyno chooses now to run in and make the save and quickly gets the advantage. Rhyno brawls him down for a few seconds, John comes back, gets the 5-knuckle shuffle, F-U, and that’s it. John Celebrates and we go to commercials.

Edge…… is COMING!!

Heh, Brock may be gone, but he’ll continue to live on in our hearts in the Cell Tech commercials.

Moments ago, John Cena gave Paul a piece of his mind.

Backstage, Paul is muttering to himself. He passes the APA, and they have a laugh at his expense. Paul asks the Joe Pesci question ("Do you think I'm funny?") and the APA say yeah. Paul then tells them that since they are going to be challenging for the titles next, then they had better win, because if they don’t, then they are FIRED! This sobers the APA up quick.

Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty are out to the ring to defend the titles against the APA.

Scotty and Bradshaw start. No, Rikishi wants to be tagged in, and Rikishi isn’t happy with Bradshaw. The go nose-to-nose for a second and then start trading rights. Bradshaw goes for a big boot, and Rikishi blocks it and counters with a headbutt. Rikishi pushes him back into the corner and tags Scotty in, who comes in with a flurry of chops and rights. Scotty soon tries a high cross body, but gets caught in a last call. Tag to Farooq, who back breakers him and covers for 2. Scotty tries to get to Rikishi, but Farooq holds him back by his ankle. Tag to Bradshaw. Scotty picked up into the torture rack. Tag to Farooq and He brawls him down some more before applying a sleeper. Scotty fighting his way out, but Farooq sits on his back a couple times to keep him down. Tag to Bradshaw, who continues the brawling. Scotty gets a surprise DDT and gets the hot tag to Rikishi. Rikishi knocks down Bradshaw, knocks down Farooq. Farooq back up and getting a couple good shots in, drawing Scotty back in and Scotty BITCH SLAPS Farooq! Bulldog for Bradshaw and Scotty starts bouncing for the Worm, but apparently he didn’t notice Farooq STANDING RIGHT THE FUCK THERE! Waiting to knock him down. No worries, tho, as Rikishi is back up to clothesline Farooq out of the ring. Bradshaw tries a clothesline from Heck, but Rikishi ducks and answers with a savate kick to end it. Champs celebrate, Bradshaw and Farooq show despair, and we are off to commercials.

Hehe, Chris Jericho redid “Don’t you wish…” for YJ stinger. Way to sell out, Chris!

Back, and in Paul Heymans office, Bradshaw and Farooq are in demanding Paul tell them they are fired to their FACE! Paul stops and says that apparently we weren’t listening. You see, he wasn’t firing the APA, he was firing Farooq! You see, Paul still thinks highly of Bradshaw, Seeing as how he’s published a book and is a regular on Fox News. He tells Farooq to beat feet and exits. Farooq tells Bradshaw that they don’t need this and tries to lead him out. Bradshaw stays, tho. Farooq can’t believe it, that after all these years… “Damn!” and Farooq exits and Bradshaw gives us “Anguish”

After a reshowing of Vince making the Draft announcement on Raw, Paul finds Billy Gunn, Rey Mysterio, Shelton Benjamin, and Charlie Haas standing around. He’s happy for the Smackdown locker room for finally showing solidarity last week against him. This week, tho, it’s time for a little divide and conquer. You see, Paul has decided to run with the Gauntlet match concept and have the World title as the top prize. Shelton Benjamin protests, saying he and Charlie are a tag team. Paul doesn’t like Shelton’s tone of voice, so he puts him in first, and, surprise, surprise, Charlie is his first opponent. TWGTT look concerned as we go to commercials.

Back, and Tazz and Cole throw us to the “Wrestlemania in 3 minutes” package, and getting back to the ring, Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas are out. They circle, share the handshake of respect, and commence to chain wrestling, ending with Charlie in a hammerlock. Charlie gets out and reverses into a keyhole lock. Shelton powers back up and with a hiptoss, gets a headlock, which is reversed with a Charlie head scissors. Shelton gets out and tousles Charlie’s hair, which pisses him off. They go into a hammerlock reversal sequence, and then Charlie takes Shelton down with the Haas of Pain. Shelton grabs Charlie’s head, and they wrestle around some more. Shelton powers back up then does a STANDING BACK FLIP! To get out of a hammer lock and tousles Charlies hair again. This pisses Charlie off some more and he chases Shelton out of the ring. Shelton back in and they wrestle some more, and Shelton pisses Charlie off AGAIN. Shelton bails and comes back in and the time for wrestling is over and the time for wrasslin is on! Charlie vents his anger with a few back elbows and a sweet standing dropkick. Shelton comes back tho, sending Charlie into the corner. Charlie comes out and Shelton tries to superkick, but Charlie catches him. Charlie throws the foot out, and Shelton uses the momentum to spin into a dragon kick. Cover, 1-2-3 and Shelton advances! Charlie is pissed at first, but he reluctantly takes Sheltons hand and they embrace and Charlie leaves as Shelton waits on his next opponent. We’re going to have to wait a bit ourselves, as it’s time for a commercial.

Well, only 3 girls left in America’s Top Model. I like Mandy the most^_^

Back, and Farooq is taking his leave. Bradshaw tries to rationalize his staying in the WWE while Farooq gets fired. He runs down his resume, but Farooq isn’t buying it and steps past him without a word. Bradshaw asks if they can still at least be friends. We don’t hear an answer.

Back to the ring, and Billy Gunn is out and no fancy mat wrestling here, but straight up brawling. Billy takes it to Shelton, but Shelton turns the tide and sends Billy out of the ring. Billy comes back with a few knife-edge chops and rolls Shelton back into the ring. Shelton gets the better of Billy, tho with a choke, then a grapevine. Billy tries elbowing his way out, and manages to shove Shelton into the corner, but eats a back elbow. Shelton with a few haymakers and a knee to the side of the head. Shelton locking in the rear chinlock, but Billy reverses with a jawbuster. Billy crawls across the ring, But Shelton after him and laying in a couple rights. Cross corner whip, but Shelton runs right into a Billy Boot. Billy with a neck breaker, and Billy has his wind back and he unloads a bunch of clotheslines. Cover gets 2. Billy on a roll and goes for the fameasser, but Shelton dodges and gets a surprise rollup and the win. Shelton is exhausted but celebratory until…

“Wellllll!” Looks like the Big Show has entered into the Gauntlet. Shelton blanches, and then sets himself for the confrontation, which is coming up NEXT!

Back, and Big Show is pointing to an empty spot on his chest. You see, apparently Big Show is of the opinion the John Cena was less than scrupulous in his methods. Big Show isn’t mad, tho, because he has had a talk with Paul, and Paul was understanding on his dilemma and entered him into the Gauntlet match. But Big Show isn’t the next competitor, no; he’s the FINAL competitor. Big Show takes his exit and we go to commercial again as Tazz and Cole ponder whom Shelton’s next opponent will be.

Back, and surprise of surprises, here’s Rey Mysterio to be Shelton’s next opponent. Circle, lockup, and Rey tries a waistlock, which Shelton reverses. Rey stops a whip then boots Shelton. Rey with the Head scissors. Rey going for a monkey flip, but Shelton catches him and puts him on the top turnbuckle. Rey kicks him off and hits a missile dropkick. Rey trying for a back cross body, but Shelton reverses into a fishermans suplex. Shelton with a delayed back suplex, and then he begins to pick Rey apart. Rey VIOLENTLY whipped into the corner, and Shelton takes a cheap shot on Rey’s arm. Shelton now with a fujiwara arm bar and working the elbow. Rey fights his way up, springboards off the ropes, and then hits the body scissors into a bulldog. Cover gets 2. Rey trying to run the ropes, but Benjamin grabs a powerslam but only gets 2 on the cover. Benjamin frustrated, and that allows him to walk into a 6-1-9. Rey drops the Dime, cover, and Shelton is out. Rey nurses the arm as he waits on big Show. Fortunately, we’ve got a commercial break to run, so Rey has some recuperation time.

Back, and we go over the Hall of Fame induction package. Jessie wants to run for the White House. I’d vote for him.

Back to the ring, and Big Show is making his second entrance for the night. Big Show is in, and Rey bails. He taunts Show from the outside, but Big Show isn’t buying it. Rey back in and trying to psyche Show out, but Show isn’t’ flinching. Rey plays keep away for a bit until Big Show grabs him and tosses him across the ring (Tazz, “Beal with a Capital B!”)  Big Show powering Rey down, but Rey gets a bit of offense in, ending with a Springboard dropkick, but he runs into a Big Kick and Big Show back to the offense. Show kicks Rey around a bit, finally kicking him out of the ring. Big Show waits as Rey gets counted out, but Rey is back in at 9. Big Show with the Choke slam, and he’s about to finish him off when Cena’s music hits and John Cena is out to taunt Big Show with the US title. Big Show gets pissed and steps out of the ring to confront John, but stays next to the apron. This allows Rey to hit a 6-1-9 and as the Ref looks after Rey (who is overselling the arm), Cena comes down, clocks Show with the belt and Show rams into the ring post. As Big Show nurses his head, the Ref counts and Show is one count too late to make it back into the ring and Rey wins with a count out. Big show is pissed, and we head to commercial.

Back, and moments ago, John Cena got an assist in Rey’s win.

“Viva la Rasa!” Champion Eddie is out in his low rider. Eddie dances around in the ring for a bit, and with the Title graphic, we are not competing for the world championship.

Eddie starts with a side headlock, followed by a wristlock. Rey gets out, but is still nursing the arm. Eddie gives him a moment and they lock back up again. Eddie with the headlock again, but Rey reverses out into an armbar. Eddie drops down with a drop toehold, and floating over to lock in another headlock. Rey with a couple shots to the gut, but Eddie knees him down. Rey jumps up with a head scissors and a quick cover, but Eddie kicks out. Rey gets another rollup and Eddie kicks out again. Eddie is now angry and shoves Rey. Rey answers with a slap and the respect is gone. Rey tries to attack, but Eddie wrestles him down and locks in a top armbar. Rey makes the ropes and Eddie breaks, but as soon as Rey lets go, he locks it in again. Rey standing up and Eddie works it around into a hammerlock. Rey Pops up and gets a snapmare. Rey charges and Eddie back body drops him out onto the apron. As Eddie turns around, Rey grabs him in a body scissors and pulls him out of the ring. Rey follows up with a springboard moonsault and we go to commercials.

Back from our final commercial break, and Eddie is introducing Rey to the soothing power of… THE SUPERPLEX! Eddie drags Rey to his feet and tosses him out of the ring. Eddie shakes off a few cobwebs, and then drags Rey back into the ring. A quick right sends Rey down, and now for another top arm bar. Rey whipped across the ring and Eddie hits a WICKED tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Cover only gets 2. Eddie locks in a hammerlock, and then turns him around and lifts him up on his back. Rey goes nuts for a second, but then waves off the tap out. Rey breaks the hold and gets a small package, but Eddie kicks out and knocks Rey down again. Eddie wraps Reys arm around his leg and flipping back into a bridge. Rey doesn’t tap so Eddie releases it and stops Rey’s left arm flat. Eddie picking Rey up and trying for a hammerlock, But Rey grabs a rope, uses it as a springboard into a shooting star press, and lays Eddie out! Rey goes for the cover, but Eddie kicks out. Rey goes for the West coast pop, 1-2-NO! Rey going for a Springboard Moonsault, but Eddie catches him. Rey reverses into a tornado DDT! Cover, only gets two. Rey is getting frustrated. He tries to whip Eddie into the ropes, but Eddie reverses, and he in turn eats an elbow on the charge. Rey jumps up and gets into the electric chair position, but he spins off and looks like he’s going to do something, but Eddie kicks him and hits 1 vertical suplex! 2 vertical suplex! 3… wait, Rey counters with a reverse rollup, but Eddie kicks out. Eddie gets Number 3, and Eddie is up with a little showboating. Eddie up top and he flies and misses by a mile! Rey capitalizes by dropkicking him into the ropes and following up with a 6-1-9! Rey tries to drop the Dime, but Eddie moves. Eddie with the La Magistral cradle, and Eddie retains the title!

Before Eddie can celebrate, tho, Paul Heyman is out to piss in Eddie’s wheaties and comments on how it would seem that English is now a second language on Smackdown. He hopes that next week he can say hasta to the both of them, and then wishes that both of them AND their families would get deported. He’s going to reform Smackdown, and there isn’t a man ALIVE that will stop him.

Well, apparently Paul said the magic word, because, as if on cue, we hear a loud “Bong!” and it’s time for Undertaker: Texas Ranger to make his entrance. ‘Taker goes through the whole deal (raising the lights, Paul Bearer with the Urn, moving REALLY slow.) and Paul screams for help as Eddie and Rey ‘cower’ behind him. As ‘Taker removes his hat, Eddie and Rey shove Paul into him and Undertaker delivers with the Tombstone Piledriver. ‘Taker poses and we get a few “Bongs!” to fade us out and were outta here.

Well, that was an AWESOME follow-up show to Wrestlemania. Even though the first 45 minutes was mainly time killer, it was interesting time killer. Rikishi/Scotty vs. the APA was the match that should have shown at Wrestlemania. At least this one had some heat to it, and it was over and above the firing stipulation. Cena vs. Rhyno was a 60 second joke this week, mainly used to simply be the punch line for Cena’s talkdown with Heyman. Going back to the APA, I predict that Farooq will show up Monday and get drafted by Raw, having been rehired by Eric Bischoff. Once the Gauntlet Match got into gear, tho, nothing else mattered as we got stellar performances from Shelton Benjamin, Rey Mysterio (who sold an arm injury for three matches,) and Eddie. Undertaker provided the icing on the cake with his crowd popping Tombstone and that made for a great show. Seeing as how next week we are going to be dealing with a completely different Smackdown, I won’t speculate as to what the future holds for everyone, I’ll just sit back and hope that next week is as entertaining as this week.

See ya Next Week!

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
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