by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

5-Minutes out: With things spinning wildly out of control, who will stop the madness? Find out, NEXT!

WWE Leader (I’m gonna keep mentioning it until WWE takes Tough Enough out of it), and we go directly into the opening and PYRO! And we are LIVE (taped) from Oklahoma City, OK and here’s Good Old JR… Oh wait, no, it’s just Tazz and Cole going nuts over the intergender match between Torrie and Rene later, and then they go even MORE nuts over the arrival of Kurt Angle (W/ Wheelchair and Roger the Homunculus pushing.) Kurt hobbles into the ring and this kills about 5 minutes. Roger gets Kurt a mic after setting him back into his comfy chair. Kurt gets all choked up as he tries to talk. He finally is able to get the words out. Kurt has seen a few doctors over the past few weeks, and they have all said the same thing: Kurt will never wrestle again. This draws equal cheers and boos. His Knee is destroyed beyond repair and his internal injuries are irreversible. Kurt will never be able to wrestle, participate in competition, and do any of the things he loves. But that wasn’t going to stop him from coming here tonight, because he just wanted to say that this is all the people’s fault. He lambastes the crowd for doing the You Suck chant, and says that that’s what’s wrong with this country today: people have turned into nothing but a pack of bloodthirsty animals. He plugs the crappy UPN reality show, “I’m Still Alive” and compares himself to the people in there. He blames everyone for his condition (including the Big Show.) He composes himself, and then brings up Torrie Wilson. He tells the sound crew to cut her music and she is looking so damn blonde, it hurts. She tentatively steps into the ring and stays as far as the ring ropes will allow away from Kurt. Kurt just wants to tell her that there is one person he blames for all this: Torrie. He brings up her laughing at Big Show, and tells Luther (the behemoth) to bring her to him. Luther sticks Torrie in Kurt’s face, and he proceeds to tell her that she can’t have sex with his wife any more. He tears into her about being little Miss perfect and makes the match against Rene No Disqualifications. Kurt wants Torrie to suffer as much as Kurt has suffered, and then tells us that the match is NEXT!

We’re back, and Torrie is in the ring (bravely holding back the tears), and we got a replay of Café Rene from last week. Rene Dupree makes his way to the ring (W/ a black Fifi) and Cole makes some nonsensical comparison between Rene and the French army. Rene offers the hand of respect, but pulls her into a waistlock and slams her down. He does the gay dance of French manliness, and tries to back body drop her, but Torrie gets a sunset flip. Cena sits down on Torrie, tho, but before we can get 3, Torrie reverses and her bra-and-panties match reflexes take over and it looks like she is trying to strip Rene’s bathrobe off. Rene kicks out, and gets a handful of Torrie’s hair and not much else happens before John Cena is down to start a brawl. Rene is dumped, and Charles Robinson calls for the bell, declaring Rene the winner? Ok, I thought this was no DQ, meaning that even if someone comes in and intercedes on Torries behalf, it’s perfectly fine and the match continues until someone is pinned or made to submit. Am I off on this? Anyway, Cena raises Torrie’s hand and we go to commercials.

Moments ago: John Cena swooped in to save the day. Cole says he saw Rene leaving the arena, and we shoot to backstage where Rene is proving Cole a liar by ranting at Kurt. Kurt says that Rap music is a major contributor of all the ills of America, and makes the match for the US title at Judgement Day. Kurt says he’s going to be proud to have a Frenchmen wear the US title.

Out to the ring, and Nunzio is out in the ring to challenge for the Cruiserweight title. Undertaker interrupts with a few “Bong!”s, the strange blue light, and smoke in the ring. The lights come back up and now it’s time for Chavo Guererro (w/ Sr.) to come out and defend the title.

Chavo starts quick with some brawling down, but Nunzio reverses with a hiptoss and standing dropkick. Nunzio chases, tosses Chavo back in, but Chavo recovers and hits a dropkick. Sr. teases a beatdown on Nunzio, but backs off. Chavo staying on Nunzio, Nunzio comes back with some rights, reverses a tilt-a-whirl, and levels Chavo with a clothesline. 2d rope dropkick, cover, Nunzio only gets two. Nunzio with the victory roll, but Chavo kicks him off and Sr. delivers a right to knock Nunzio silly. Chavo hits the Gory Special, and picks up the win.

After the match, he grabs the mic and proclaims himself the greatest cruiserweight of all time. He says he’s bored, that he’s beat everyone, some of them twice (Even Paul London?) He wants some excitement, so he issues a challenge to ANY cruiserweight in the entire world to take on Chavo for the title next week. He says it’s him against the world. Play his music.

Recap theatre, and its Paul Heyman telling off the Dudleys and their subsequent beatdown on RVD.

And speak of the devil! Here’s Rob Van Dam to take on…? We’re just going to have to wait until after the commercial break.

Back, and apparently, RVD challenged the Dudleys during the commercial break. Paul Heyman comes out instead. He tells RVD that he’s taking the beatdown WAY too personally. You see, the Dudleys were simply taking the initiative. I could have been anyone in that ring last week; RVD was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But Paul wars RVD, that if he wants to call the Duds out, then he’s not going to get the corporately owned Dudleys, he’s going to get Paul Heyman’s Dudley Boys. “Ask and ye shall receive!” and the Duds pyro hits and plays for about 10 seconds before the fact that they aren’t coming out through the main stage breaks it’s way through RVD’s haze and he looks around and sees D-Von coming in through the crowd. He throws a kick at him, but Bubba is coming from the other side and the beatdown commences anew. D-Von is giving RVD the last rites when Eddie Guererro runs out and saves the day.

Backstage, That New Guy has Booker T’s ear and asks him about Undertakers little show last week. Booker says he wasn’t spooked, he just doesn’t want to play like that with the ‘Taker. But if Take wants to bring it, then He’s got something for him.

Commercials.

“I’m coming for you, you sick of mind, you sinful, you perverted. Blah Blah Blah. Mordecai will come for you.”

Backstage, The Duds track down Paul, who tells them that the rematch of last week is on, and not to worry about RVD, because everyone is banned from ringside.

Out to the ring, Booker T is out to take on The Ass Man! Billy Gunn!

Lockup, but Booker hits a high knee and works Billy over in the corner with chops. Billy reverses a whip and returns the favor. Billy with a hiptoss, Booker reverses a whip and hits a back kick. Booker with a neckbreaker, cover, only gets 2. Booker with the brawling, but Billy gets a clothesline out of nowhere. Booker is back up quickly, tho and lays Billy out with a kick. Booker goes for a suplex, but Billy reverses and both men are down. Ref count gets to 5, Billy with “Iblockyourpunchbutyoudon’tblockmine.” Billy goes for the Fameasser, but Booker blocks with a heel kick. Billy brawling back up again, Fameasser attempted again, Booker blocks with a Book End attempt, but Billy elbows his way out. Booker with another kick to the gut, axe kick, and 1-2-3, nice to see ya, Billy.

Booker is basking in the afterglow when suddenly the lights go out and we hear, “BONG!” The smoke and the blue light are back, but this time, it’s for real! Paul Bearer (w/ Urn) leads The Undertaker: Undead Texas Ranger to the ring. ‘Taker brings the lights up, and Paul takes the duster, hat, and the stare down commences. Oh wait; Booker has to spoil the whole atmosphere by grabbing a mic. You see, Booker has just gotten finished with a grueling match, and he doesn’t want a match right now (a valid argument, in my humble opinion.) Booker decides to take the better part of valor and bails. It’s just a ruse, tho, as he snatches the Urn and lays ‘Taker out. Booker stands over him, holding the urn up high. ‘Taker does the zombie sit-up and looks at Booker with a serious pissed off look in his eyes. Booker decides to hightail it for real this time, and it’s time for more commercials.

WE LOVE THE SUUUUBS!

Backstage, Luther is wheeling Kurt Angle around as he bitches about Undertaker interfering with Booker T’s business when Josh ambushes them both. Kurt tells him that he is now to be referred to as Mr. Angle, and makes the match for Booker T against Undertaker at Judgement Day. He also says that Undertaker isn’t going to simply coast to Judgement day, either, and says that Undertaker will have action next week.

One Raw Rewind later, and Rico and Jackie are giggling amongst themselves. You see, someone has stolen Charlie’s trunks (Jackie giggles and holds them up.) Rico says he’s lent Charlie a pair of his; Charlie doesn’t want to wear them. When Rico offers the alternatives (go out there naked or have Rico defend the titles on his own), Charlie gives us an exasperated, “Fine! But you’d better not make fun of me!” and Rico and Jackie are pleased. They toss Charlie’s old trunks into the trash, and we are off to the commercials.

Back, and this past week, HBK and Coach stopped by Fort Hood to welcome the soldiers back home.

Back in the arena, and a few of those soldiers are at ringside, leading the crowd in a big “USA” chant.

Rico (w/ Jackie, runway and footage of their title win from last week) is out. Charlie Haas is out, and oh my god, his tights are so loud they are deafening. Jackie goes to hold the ropes open and Charlie cheers up, but as his back is turned, Rico takes Jackie’s place, hilarity ensues. The Bashams are out, Charles Robinson holds the titles up, and we are on.

Danny and Rico start. Rico prances around and blows a kiss a Danny, which, of course, freaks him out. Danny goes to lock up, but Rico gives him a swat on the ass. Danny freaks out and tags Doug in. Rico hits a drop toehold right off and then rides him like a pony around the ring. Doug freaks out even more and tags Danny back in. Charlie comes in and Rico orchestrates Charlie getting set up in a compromising position with Danny. They do a goofy tag, and Charlie comes in and instantly starts playing Ricky Morton. All the brawling ends with a back body drop from Charlie. Charlie tags Rico in and Rico is a Ball O’ Far! Rope assisted Shining wizard, Mule kick, Tag to Charlie, German Suplex into a bridge and Rico and Charlie retain. Charlie celebrates, gets a hug from Jackie, and begs off a hug from Rico.

Back from commercials, and the Earlier tonight of the Rene/Torrie fight is taken over by a test of the EBS. Didn’t miss anything, and we just lead in to a run down of the Judgement Day card as it is right now, which leads into a PSA from John “Bradshaw” Layfield. Nothing we haven’t seen before: he rants about illegal immigrants, Farm subsidies, and the fact that schools are teaching Spanish now. SPANISH! For god’s sake, this country is out of control! That’s why we should support J”B”L in his bid for the WWE Championship.

After commercials, Mr. Angle is down to the announce table to provide his own commentary. First out is Eddie Guererro in his WWW.akperformance.net lowrider. After posing for the crowd, Eddie looks to go face to face with Mr. Angle, but Luther gets in his way. After they stare down for a few seconds, The Dudley Boys (W/ Paul Heyman) interrupt the intimate moment with their pyro and entrance. Well, Last week, it was D-Von, so this week it’s Bubba. D-Von provides a distraction to start and Bubba gets a clothesline and stomps a mudhole in Eddie. Eddie comes back and brawls Bubba right back across the ring. Eddie with the head scissors, a few punches and kicks, and Eddie hits a twisting cross body for two. Bubba punching his way back up, gets the better of him, and then hangs Eddie in the tree of woe. After a couple of big slaps, he bodyslams Eddie and goes for a big splash, but Eddie gets the knees up. Eddie dumps Bubba out. As D-Von goes to help his brother out, Eddie heads to the top and gets a flying cross body to the floor. As it seems that all three men will be lying around for a few minutes, we go to commercials.

Back, and apparently, Eddie got intimate with the steel ringsteps during the commercials. Bubba is working a headlock. Eddie tries to fight out of it, but Bubba clotheslines him down. Bubba with the slow neckbreaker, then locks Eddie in a head scissors. Bubba with a bodyslam, goes up to the 2d rope, but backdrop misses as Eddie rolls out of the way. Both men staggering up, and Bubba gets some punches in, but for every one he lands, Eddie just hulks up that much more. Eddie finally breaks out, kick to the gut, and it’s time for The Three Amigos. Before we can get to Chevy Chase, Bubba blocks and while trying to get out, he knocks referee Brian Hebner down. Bubba with the Bubba Bomb, and Brian is revived just in time to give us a 2-count. Bubba goes for another Bubba bomb, but Eddie twists out into a DDT. Cover, only getting two. Eddie going up top, but Bubba meets him up top. Bubba getting Eddie up on his shoulders, and D-Von is up for the Dudley Device, but Eddie gets the reverse Victory roll to simultaneously dodge the flying clothesline and get the pin on Bubba.

Afterwards, D-Von sneak attacks and it looks like Eddie is just going to get beat down again. But wait, here comes Rob Van Dam for the save. He fends off Bubba and D-Von easily. Eddie is back up, getting D-Von in a full nelson, RVD crosses him, and delivers the Greco-Roman nut shot. As both men are down, the lightbulb goes off in RVD’s head as he grabs Eddie, points to a corner, and the crowd catches on. Both men mount their respective turnbuckles, and it’s stereo Frogsplashes!

At Ringside, Tazz wants a word from Mr. Angle. Kurt simply says that next week, it’ll be Eddie and RVD vs. the Dudleys, and Kurt WILL get the last laugh. We fade out and we’re outta here!

Baby Steps back up to the top, Smackdown. Baby Steps. Better show this week. Looking good as we start down the home stretch to Judgement Day.

See ya Next Week!

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
BROWSE THE SD! RECAP ARCHIVES

All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.