by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

We go straight into the opening (at least JBL no longer looks like he’s taking a piss on the lasers) and we are LIVE! (taped) from the Winnipeg arena. There will be some matches later tonight, but right now, Rene DuPree (W/ Fifi) is out to provide ringside commentary. Mark Jindrak (whom Rene refers to as the Reflection of Rejection) is out to admire himself in the ring while Michael Cole admires Fifi’s nail job. Mark’s opponent tonight is Rob van Dam.

RVD has hardly entered the ring when Jindrak dropkicks him out. Mark works on RVD outside, rolls him in, and then chokes him out on the ropes. After a quick suplex, Jindrak poses, which gives RVD an opening to shove him into the corner. RVD charges in, but Jindrak dodges. RVD looks to go for a flying kick, but as he leaps up, Jindrak dropkicks him out over the ring post! Jindrak rolls him back in and controls with a reverse chin lock and then a headlock Jindrak goes to ram RVD’s head in the corner, but RVD blocks and gives Mark a Boot to the Head! (Yaa!Yaa!) RVD taking over with kicks, then going for Rolling thunder, but Jindrak gets the knees up. RVD placed up on the top turnbuckle and Jindrak looking for a superplex, but RVD elbows his way out of that situation, hits a moonsault, covers, and gets the pin. Rene looks displeased with this result and RVD celebrates a job well done. Nice hot opener.

Last week: J”B”L celebrated winning the title.

Backstage, Josh Matthews introduces us to John “Bradshaw” Layfield. John shakes Josh’s hand, and then liberally applies the hand sanitizer. He asks if Eddie ever shook Josh’s hand. No, because Eddie isn’t a gentleman like J”B”L. J”B”L is proud to grace our noble neighbors to the north because the people of Canada love him, just as he loves them. He tries to get the crowd to chant J”B”L, and then reintroduces an old favorite: El Gran Luchadore! He says that he’s been looking forward to this opportunity, because now, it’s Champion vs. Champion. He kindly offers to pay all the medical bills that El Gran is going to incur, because it’s going to be a massacre. J”B”L poses with El Gran, and we go to commercials.

Back, and The Dudley Boys are out to defend the titles against Paul London and Thug Life Billy Kidman. Challengers rush the ring, but the Dudley’s get the better of them quickly. Faces turn the tide with a Missile dropkick on Bubba and a double suplex on D-Von. Double team on D-Von leads to a cover, but it only gets 2. Paul staying in with D-Von and doing well until he gets tossed out of the ring and Bubba lays him out with a clothesline. Paul plays face-in-peril, being a bump machine for D-Von and Bubba. Many pin attempts, somehow, Paul stays alive. D-Von gets cocky and eats an Enziguri for his troubles. Hot tag to Billy, tag to Bubba and much brawling ensues. Bubba gets the better of Billy and looks for a “Whasssup!”, but Paul is there to shove D-Von off. Billy catches Bubba by surprise, rolls him over, and Paul hits the “Whassup!” instead. D-Von trying to come back in, but Paul dropkicks him off the apron. Meanwhile, Billy is going up and he hits the shooting star press. He’s dangerously close to the ropes and I keep expecting D-Von to reach in as he covers and the ref counts: 1! 2! 3?! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! We’ve got NEW Tag Team Champions! Billy and Paul can’t believe it. Hell, I can’t believe it! The gold looks good around Billy and Paul’s waists as we go to commercial.

Moments ago: you know that saying, “Anything can happen in the WWE?” Well, it just did.

Backstage, Billy and Paul celebrate with the rest of the Velocity crew and with champagne. Their celebration gets cut short as they go face to face with the Dudz. Tense standoff ends with the Dudz extending their hands. Billy and Paul take it, and it’s the real deal, as the Dudz give Billy and Paul their props. They walk off, and the celebration begins anew.

Elsewhere, Josh sends out congrats to the new champs. On to new business: Kenzo Suzuki is with him, and has asked for some time to express his feelings. Hiroko helpfully translates: Kenzo doesn’t like that John Cena dishonored him last week, and he’ll get his soon. He also wants us to know that he’s misunderstood, and that he loves AMERICA (Remember folks, we’re in Canada tonight.) Hiroko’s translations of Kenzo loving the land of the free and the home of the brave draw some boo’s. Kenzo apparently decides this is call for him to express himself on the subject. He gets the camera nice and close up, gives us his most sincere smile, and says, “God Bless America!” This draws more boo’s and we head to commercials. 

Back, and John Cena is out to rap about his upcoming defense of his US title. He sucks up to the crowd, and then promises that he’s going to rip Booker’s dreadlocks out. He claims he’s 5 times better, says Booker likes to spinaroonie on a seatless bicycle, and calls him a whoopee Goldberg Look-alike. He’s about to tell us that Booker can’t see him, when he’s interrupted by Kenzo Suzuki. Kenzo doesn’t even let Hiroko take his robe, doffing it himself and rushing the ring. Cena ducks a clothesline and proceeds to dominate Kenzo, but gets blindsided by Luther Rains. Luther hits his spinning neckbreaker and stands over Cena’s prone body as Tazz and Cole ponder what this does for Cena’s chances later tonight. As Cena writhes in pain, we go to commercial.

Moments ago: Cena’s day just got worse.

Back, and John “Bradshaw” Layfield is out to take on the Mexican Champion, El Gran Luchadore (I don’t think it’s Paul London this week.) J”B”L stalls to apply some more hand sanitizer. Someone should tell him that doing that too much will dry your hands out and they’ll crack. El Gran plays keep away for a few seconds, frustrating Bradshaw with each pass. Finally, Bradshaw gets tired of the shenanigans and levels El Gran with a right hand. Bradshaw with his standard offense (punches, kicks, clotheslines) until El Gran gets a springboard thrust kick then a top rope moonsault for a 2-count. Bradshaw comes back with some more brawling, beating on El Gran on the outside, rolling him in, hanging him in the tree of woe, then applying the head vice from the outside. Getting back in, he delivers a superplex. Bradshaw tosses El Gran out… But gets tossed out in turn by ANOTHER El Gran Luchadore. The new one (taller and more muscular than the first) then takes a banana peel out of his boot and leaves it in the middle of the ring as he scrambles to hide under the ring again. Bradshaw is perplexed as to what happened. He gets in the ring and argues with the ref. While this is going on, El Gran #2 trades places with El Gran #1. Bradshaw goes to deliver more punishment, but suddenly, it’s as if El Gran has gotten talent and is mimicking the move set of a certain other wrestler of Mexican heritage. El Gran ducks a few clotheslines and hits one of his own, then hits the Three Amigo’s. After the third, Bradshaw bails and El Gran grabs a mic, and in a familiar voice, says, “Hey, ese!” He says that he and Eddie Guererro are like THIS, and if he knows Eddie, Eddie will be climbing up that cage and coming down with a frogsplash all over Bradshaw. He calls for the monkeys in the back to play, “Viva la Rasa!” and he poses on the turnbuckle in a very familiar way.

Back from commercials, and Josh has cornered Booker T. Booker promises victory, that’s about it.

Raw Rewind: you know the drill.

Backstage, and Rey Mysterio, Scotty 2 Hotty, and Spike Dudley are getting hyped for their upcoming 6-man tag match. Bubba Ray and D-Von come in and say they want a word with Spike. Rey and Scotty powder out and Bubba gets Spike in a big brother headlock. He reminds Spike that tonight hasn’t been a great night for the Dudley family, and they REALLY want Spike to do well. Bubba goes to give Spike advice, and Spike cuts him off, saying that last week, he didn’t want their help when they were tag champions, so what makes them think he wants their advice or help now that they lost the titles? Spike heads out and the Dudz are left frustrated.

Back, and Rey Mysterio is out to join Scotty and Spike already in the ring. Their opponents in this 6-man tag match are Akio, Jamie Knoble, and Chavo Guererro. Wow, it’s like I’m watching the curtain jerker match from some random 1999 WCW PPV!

Akio and Rey start and Akio gets the better of Rey, softening him up for Chavo. Tag to Chavo, and he works a chinlock and a few knockdowns. Tag to Jamie, and he brawls Rey down, then tags Chavo back in. Chavo working on Rey in his corner. Rey explodes, has elbows for everyone, then a body scissors into an arm drag for Chavo. Chavo jumps right back up and clotheslines Rey down. Tag to Knoble, and as he works on Rey, Chavo knocks Spike off the apron. While the ref is distracted with this, Chavo and Knoble attempt a double team, but Rey reverses it into a DDT for Jamie and tosses Chavo out of the ring. Rey with the tag to Scotty, and he’s a Ball O’ Far! Alternating knockdowns for Akio and Jamie until after a back body drop on Akio, Jamie is up to knock Scotty down. They fight over an Irish whip, which Jamie wins. Scotty into his corner, Spike tags in, and Jamie eats elbow as he charges in. Spike up and hits the top rope stomp on Jamie, then a head scissors on Akio to send him out of the ring. Chavo back in, but he gets a head to the gut, gets sent to the corner, and Spike runs in place on him. Jamie in, but he gets kicked in the gut and Spike hits the Dudley Dawg (running up and kicking Chavo at the same time) and makes the cover. He only gets two, tho as Chavo interrupts. Chavo with the back breaker, then posing for the crowd. This gives Scotty the opening for the bulldog and he hits the worm. As Scotty poses, Akio is up with a dropkick to the back that sends Scotty out of the ring. Akio then springboards and hits a plancha on Scotty on the floor. Rey back in and hitting a drop toe hold on Chavo, but the 6-1-9 misses, Chavo back Body Drops Rey out to the apron. Rey springs back up to leg scissor Chavo out of the ring. After fighting Akio off real quick, Rey hits the Asai moonsault. Back in the ring, Jamie and Spike face off. Spike goes for the Dudley Dawn again, but Jamie reverses it into a neck breaker, and then hits a quick tiger driver for the win. Great little spotfest, there.

Backstage, Paul Heyman is contemplative. Josh finds him and asks him if the Dudleys losing the titles has been a blow to him. Paul responds that he could care less about the Dudleys; He’s got bigger problems in the Undertaker. He starts to ramble, but then realizes that he’s talking to Josh, and says that what he’s got to say, he needs to say it to the Undertaker, publicly, and now (or Next!)

Back, and after a quick look at the outside of the Winnipeg arena, we review Undertaker's stern words last week towards Paul Heyman.

Back, and Paul is in the ring. He announces (from a prepared statement) that he stands before us a humbled man. He’s made mistakes in his life, but none so big as taking on the Undertaker. He says that it wasn’t his fault, that it was all Bubba Ray and D-Von’s fault. It was their idea to kidnap Paul Bearer, their idea to make Undertaker bow down, their idea to bury Paul Bearer in concrete. He states that he’s sorry, and that he would like to return the Urn to the Undertaker. He says that he is simply a lamb lost in the woods, and that he simply wishes that the angel of death would simply pass him over. He’s on the verge of tears when we break for commercials.

“Can you Dig it, Sucka!?” Booker T is out to challenge John Cena for the United States Championship. John is selling the neckbreaker from earlier as he makes his way to the ring. Kurt Angle comes out before the match can start and takes his place at the top of the ramp. As Cena talks a bit of trash, Booker attacks and stomps Cena down in the corner. Cena back up and trying for a waistlock, but Booker runs him off, and follows up with a superkick. Cover gets 2, and Booker locks in a head vice. Cena fights up, but Booker throws him into the corner and works the kidneys with lefts and rights. Booker with a whip, Cena reverses and gets a shoulder block. Cena with a hiptoss, 5-knuckle shuffle, and pumping up. Booker gets a kick in, but Cena dodges an axe kick and scoops Booker for the F-U. Booker grabs a rope, so Cena hangmans him instead. Cena plays to the crowd, which gives Booker enough time to recover and clothesline Cena out of the ring. As Cena lays prone outside, Angle gets out of the chair, staggers towards Cena, and lays in with some shots from his cane. As Cena rolls around on the floor, we go to commercials.

Back, and Booker hits the knee drop. Cover gets 2, and Booker slaps on the rear headlock. Cena fights back up, punches his way out, but slingshots himself off the ropes right into a spinebuster. Cover only gets 2. Cena trying to get back up, but Booker stops that with a leg lariat. Cover gets two. Cena comes back for a second, but Booker gets the feet up on a Cena charge and Cena gets knocked out. Booker over for the cover, but Cena kicks out. Cover again, kicks out again, and a third time. Booker with the side headlock, but Cena fights his way out. Booker puts him down with a shoulderblock, and, with the encouragement of Angle, looks for a Harlem sidekick. Cena ducks and hits a DDT. It’s not enough as Booker is back up and brawling Cena down. Both men get dumped out and Angle is right there to taunt Cena. Booker and Cena both back up, Cena goes for a clothesline, Booker ducks, and Cena runs through and takes Angle out, instead. Luther takes a kick to the gut and Cena uses Angles own cane to knock Luther down. Booker is there with a kick to the gut and he drags Cena back to the ring. Axe Kick attempt misses, and Cena gets the F-U. Cena going to cover, but Luther is in the ring to lay on the beatdown. Kurt has the mic and tells Luther to grab the title and get back over to him. Kurt then goes on to inform us that the decree of the board of directors that if Cena ever touches Angle again, then He’d be stripped of the title is still in effect. Well, knocking Kurt over with the clothesline counts, so, with the full authority of the Board of Directors backing him up, Kurt Angle hereby strips John Cena of the title. Cena can’t believe it, Angle hoards the title like a petulant child keeping a favorite toy from everyone else, and we are outta here.

Another “Very not bad” effort from Smackdown this week. I love that they are giving the Cruiserweights some good TV time. RVD and Jindrak was a nice little opener, and Cena losing the title was well handled in execution. I’m going to draw some hate mail from this, but J”B”L is doing great as a cowardly, pompous, transitionary champion. I don’t think he’ll drop the title next week, but the feud has become a lot more entertaining now that Eddie is keeping J”B”L on his toes. Oh yes, and Paul Heyman playing scared shitless makes for some entertaining TV. If anyone can keep people wanting to know what Undertaker is going to do next, it’s him.

But what has to be my personal moment of the week would definitely be Kidman and London winning the Tag Titles. Hopefully, they won’t treat this as a fluke and job them out, but putting the straps on these two has definitely ramped up my interest in the tag division, simply because of the acrobatics these two could pull off on a regular basis.

Smackdown hasn’t quite done a complete 180, but the angle is definitely obtuse. Keep it up, gang!

See ya next week!

E-MAIL BIG DANNY T.
BROWSE THE SD! RECAP ARCHIVES

All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.