Anyway, I’ll be hitting NYC this weekend, first time I’ve been back since the WTC went down. Don’t know why I’m letting you know that, just seemed the thing to do.
 

5-minute out bumper: nothing special tonight.

WWE leader. I complained about them not taking the Tough Enough logo out for the longest time, now I’m waiting for them to put it back in.

WWE opening, Pyro, and Tulsa, OK is hosting Smackdown this week.

Right out of the gate, we have John “Bradshaw” Layfield (W/ Orlando Jordan) is out to take on Charlie Haas (W/ Miss Jackie) in a non-title contest. Crowd is popping huge for the hometown by Haas.

J”B”L Offers the hand to shake, Hass slaps it away. Lockup, Haas forced into the corner, and J”B”L offers the hand again, Haas slaps it away again. Criss cross ropes action and Charlie gets a drop toehold and tries applying the Haas of Pain, but J”B”L makes the ropes. As J”B”L gets up, he boots Charlie in the face. Cover, only gets 2. Bradshaw overpowering Charlie with big man offense. J”B”L going for the Clothesline from Hell, but Haas counters with a dropkick to the mush. Haas battling back with right and shoulderblocking J”B”L down, following up with an axe handle off the top rope. Cover only gets two, so Charlie hits a T-Bone suplex. At this point, Orlando starts harassing Miss Jackie on the outside and Charlie chases him off. But this was the distraction J”B”L needed. One Hades Lariat later, and J”B”L picks up the duke.

Afterwards, J”B”L grabs a mic, says, “Sorry Charlie” and announces himself unbeatable. He does the usual, “Where are we?” shtick, puts down the Olympic Basketball team, and runs down Undertaker and Eddie. Focusing on Undertaker, he promises that 2 weeks from now, he will be holding a funeral for Undertaker. Joy. He calls out a hearse for Undertakers “Last ride.” As the hearse drives out, here comes Theodore Long. He gives a big, “Nuh Uh!” to J”B”L’s contention that Undertaker will get no more title matches. He takes a look at the Hearse, and decides that at No Mercy, J”B”L are going to have a Last Ride match for the title. Basic breakdown is same as an Ambulance match. J”B”L is of course rather put out by this news. Orlando consoles him as we go to commercials.

“Can’t you see Carlito is on the phone!?” Carlito Caribbean Cool is coming.

Back, and The New Filthy Animals are out to defend the WWE Tag Team Titles against Kenzo Suzuki (W/ Hiroko) and Rene Dupree. Paul London is heavily taped up to sell the injuries from last week.

Paul and Rene start and is heavily favoring the injured shoulder. It doesn’t’ stop him from flying all over Rene, getting him with a head scissors. Tag to Kidman, who falls prey to some double-teaming from the badguys. Kenzo tagged in and he brawls Billy down. Billy reverses an atomic drop by kicking off a turnbuckle and reversing it into a bulldog. Both men down and Rene distracts the ref as Billy makes the tag, so the ref disallows it. This allows Rene and Kenzo to commence with the wafflestomp. Finally, Paul charges past the ref and makes the save. Billy Back Body drops Rene out of the ring, and Paul hits the Shining Wizard on Kenzo. Billy drags Kenzo over to the corner and gets on the top rope, but at the moment of truth, he gets cold feet again. He tags Paul in and starts walking to the back. Paul calls after him, taking a second to hit a backflip dropkick on Kenzo, and it looks like Billy might just come back, but he shakes his head and heads out. Paul is left calling after him as we go to commercials.

Back, and Rene is working on Paul’s injured shoulder. Paul gets a Boot to the Head (Yaa! Yaa!), but falls prey to a low bridge by Kenzo and he tumbles out of the ring. Rene drags him back in and hits a michinoku driver. Tag to Kenzo, who hits the Setting Sun. Kenzo covers for the 1-2-3, and we have NEW tag team champions. Paul is left unconscious in the ring as Rene and Kenzo exit and we go to commercials.

Moments ago: Kenzo and Rene won the Tag Titles.

Backstage and Paul London is being helped to the trainers room when he breaks away and confront Billy. He demands to know what’s in Billy’s head, asks if Chavo’s injury has destroyed Billy’s will to fight, and wants to know what Billy has to say. Billy ignores him through most of this, and with the final question, just turns to Paul and says, “Nothing.” He grabs his bag and heads out, leaving Paul to go, “WTF?”

Elsewhere, Booker T is looking to head out for a night on the town when he bumps into Theodore Long. Booker says he leaving to train, but Teddy says that Booker is going to be one of the Lumberjacks in tonight’s main event and suggests he might want to get changed into his ring gear. He tells Booker to Holla! Holla!, and leaves Booker steaming.

Back from commercials, and Spike (W/ The Dudley Boyz) is out to defend the cruiserweight title against Rey Mysterio.

Rey sliding in and Spike going after him quick with the beatdown. Spike rips Rey’s shirt off and chokes him down with it. Rey into the corner, but he blocks a kick and turns the tables on Spike. Spike hot shotted into the second rope, but as he goes for the 6-1-9, D-Von distracts Charles Robinson as Bubba trips Rey up. Spike calls them both into the ring, but before any beatdown can commence, here comes Hardcore Holly! He’s brawling with everyone until Bubba gets the better of him, which is Rob Van Dam’s cue to hit the ring. Everyone is in the ring and GETTING ROWDY! Finally, Charles Robinson has had enough and DQ’s the single match and makes it into a 6-Man tag match. Dudleys scoff at this, but Hardcore, RVD and Rey run up the ramp and tackle them, dragging them back to the ring. RVD and D-Von start things off, and RVD quickly becomes your face in peril. RVD eventually comes back, tagging Hardcore Holly in and Hardcore is a Ball o’ Far! This quickly degenerates into a brawl where somewhere Rey gets tagged back in and, after an Alabama Slam by Hardcore, Rey drops the Dime on Spike and picks up the win for his team.

Backstage, Josh Matthews is in a neck brace as he asks Kurt Angle about his thoughts on the controversy of the past week. Kurt can’t believe that people even think there is controversy at all! Kurt says he beat Eddie, and that’s that, and why should he have to appear in a Lumberjack match? He stews over this a minute, then proclaims this interview over.

Commercials.

Back, and after a quick look at the scoreboard (Booker 2, Cena 1), here comes John Cena. Does he have a mic? Of course he does! “Yo, yo, yo, yo YO!!” Cena acknowledges that if he loses one more match, then he won’t get the title. He knows Booker won two in a row, but says it’s because it’s because he’s been cheating. He promises a beat down on Booker next week, and then launches into the “Booker is Gay!” rap. He ends with “The champ is here!” pumps up the crowd, tosses his shirt to some fans and heads out.

Tazz and Cole hype Tough Enough, and then throw us to a Highlight package featuring last weeks 2-out-of-3 falls match.

Commercials.

New Carlito promo. He ogles some girls, rants about how kids aren’t cool, and kicks over a little girls sand castle. I dunno, maybe I’m weird, but I’m laughing my ass off at this!

Backstage, and Paul Heyman is trying to laugh something off from Teddy and Teddy stops him in mid-laugh. He says that he’s had enough of Heidenreich’s shenanigans. Paul stops him right there and says that he’s given Heidenreich the night off. Teddy says that’s too bad, because seeing as how Paul is directly responsible for Heidenreichs actions, Paul will now have a match. Paul screams as is his idiom, and Teddy informs him that his opponent will be an announcer. Paul freaks out even more, saying, “I’m not fighting Tazz!” Teddy tells him that it’s not Tazz. An evil grin comes over Pauls face and he says that he’ll kick Michael Cole’s frosted hair, goateed, metrosexual ass any day of the week. This bring Cole up on the monitor to tell Paul that while he may not be able to compete against the wrestlers, he can take Paul down just like *Snaps fingers* that! Paul decides to take him up on the offer; completely ignoring the fact that Teddy is yelling that it’s not Cole!

Paul is out to the ring and he gets in and starts taunting Cole. Cole makes like he’s about to get in the ring when Funaki’s music starts playing. Paul barely has time to turn around when Funaki is in the ring and applying the beatdown. He only gets about 30 seconds in before Heidenreich appears out of nowhere and beats Funaki down. Heidenreich applies a Cobra Clutch as Paul gets out of the ring and looks to start something. Cole doesn’t back down and when Paul knocks his headset off, comes back with a right to the jaw. Heidenreich doesn’t like the sight of this, tho and chases Cole off, promising that Cole will catch a beatdown, sooner, rather than later.

Tonight’s Smackdown Throwback is December 6^th, 2001. McMahon gets stinkfaced, with a little help from The Rock. You know, I would think that a September 13^th, 2001 clip would have been a little more appropriate for this week, don’t you?

Raw Rewind: Stuff happened, Vengeance is Sunday.

Back, and so is Cole. He’s looking around trepidatiously, making sure Heidenreich isn’t anywhere to be seen. Tazz asks him what he said to Heidenreich to piss him off so bad, Cole doesn’t know. At this time, Tony Chimel starts announcing the wrestlers to surround the ring, a few heels, a few faces, and we go to commercials.

Back, and we have our 20 wrestlers around the ring. As the bad guys taunt the good guys, here comes Kurt Angle, followed by “Viva la Rasa!” Eddie Guererro.

Bell rings, and Eddie taunts Luther real quick and they circle. As the wrestlers start to pound the ring to get them hyped up, they lock up and Eddie is forced into the corner. As the ref makes them break, Luther grabs Eddie’s foot. Eddie kicks him off and ducks a Kurt clothesline. Eddie with a flurry of rights, and Kurt gets dumped out on the heel side. They gently pick him back up and lead him back into the ring. Eddie grabbing Kurt and keeping on with the beatdown. Kurt comes back with a back drop. Eddie into the corner and Kurt working him over. Bubba tries to start an Angle! Chant, but the crowd just turns it right around into an Eddie! Chant. Eddie comes back and Angle gets tossed again, but it’s into friendly territory again, so Angle gets a breather again. Eddie firmly in control and he dropkicks Kurt out again, this time into enemy territory. Angle gets no breather this time as he’s dragged back into the ring. Eddie locking in a half crab, but Kurt makes the ropes. Eddie goes to pick angle up, but Kurt hotshots Eddie out of the ring. Luther grabs Eddie, but Eddie still has some fire in him and lays into Luther with rights. Akio jumps Eddie from behind and the heels beat on Eddie for a second and then roll him back into the ring. As Kurt goes after Eddie, we take our final commercial break.

Back, and Eddie is in the corner taking some shoulders from Kurt. Kurt knocks him down and goes for a cover, which only gets 2. Kurt locking in the Ab stretch, but after the faces pump up the crowd with some of the worst rhythm I’ve ever heard, Eddie steps out and gets an arm drag. Kurt is back with a knee to the midsection, then locking in a reverse chin lock. Eddie working his way out of it, and hitting a suplex to get out. Eddie up and charging in, but Kurt back body drops him out, but it’s on a friendly side, and they let him catch his breath before putting him back in, Kurt is right there with a suplex, but Eddie blocks an attempt to toss him out. Eddie throwing rights, then hitting the three amigos. Eddie goes up for the frogsplash, but as the faces are keeping the heels distracted, Luther sneaks in and yanks his feet out from under him. Kurt runs up the turnbuckles and hits a superplex. Kurt goes for the angle slam, but Eddie reverses into a rollup. Kurt kicks out, but runs right into a drop toehold. Eddie grabs a foot and applies the ankle lock. Eddie is about to make Kurt tap, when Luther runs in and takes him down. Cena in to tackle, Booker in to help out, and everyone’s in the ring! Before the ref can cancel the match and make it into a Battle royal…

“Weeeeeeeelllll!!” The Big Show is here! 2 weeks early! Short version: Everyone gets chokeslammed! Chokeslam for Eddie, Kurt tries to beg off, but Show has a chokeslam for him. After Kurt eats canvas, Luther tries to start some shit with Big Show. Luther actually gets a few rights in, but Big Show’s rolling a natural 20 tonight with the choke slams and Luther goes down as well. Big Show raising the fist, giving us his war face, we fade out, WWE logo, and we are outta here!

Well, Big Show’s back, Tag Titles are on different waists, Heidenreich hates Cole, and tonights show, while entertaining enough, just felt a little off.

Anyway, I’d expound on this, but I still have packing to do. You’re all intelligent folks, make your own decisions.

See ya next week!