Well, seeing as how my work had me on the job today for 6 hours and my relatives are in Knoxville for the weekend, looks like I’m slumming it at home tonight. But my loss is your gain as this makes me available to conduct the Smackdown! recap for you. Aren’t you the lucky reader?
 

5-Minutes out: Break out the Gravy and pie! Time for Thanksgiving, WWE style!

WWE Leader, and Vince is here (in voiceover, at least) 

Torrie Wilson is out, and she hopes that after all that Turkey and stuffing, that you saved some room for some red hot Smackdown action.

Rey Mysterio is out to take on a REALLY bruised up Rene DuPree (W/ Fifi.)  Tazz tries to say that it was Fifi that did it. Close-ups show that the eye is almost swollen shut. How can he see through that to wrestle?

They lock up, trade arm wringers, and Rey hits a bounce, springboard arm drag. Rey gets a couple kicks in before Rene answers with the Greco-Roman Eyepoke. Rene doing a little power stuff, delayed Vertical suplex, and Rene up top, taking a little too long to pose for the crowd, and Rey dodges a leg drop. Rey with the body scissors DDT. Rene set up for the 6-1-9, but Rene uses his momentum to throw him out. Rene follows out, but gets posted by Rey. Rene rolled back in. Rene gets a couple shots in before Rey rana’s him into position for 6-1-9. One quick dial up and dropping of the dime later, and Rey picks up the win.

Backstage, and Hiroko is trying to get Kenzos attention. Kenzo, however is doing the creepy stalker fanboy thing, drooling over Torrie. Hiroko tells Kenzo that it’s thanksgiving, and asks him if he wants a leg or wing. Kenzo simply grins and says, “I want a breast!” Hiroko clues in, sees that he’s ogling Torrie, and gets her kimono in a bunch.

Last week, on Tough Enough, nobody could capture the flag against the Bashams, and now, we are about to and out who’s been voted off. Well, not now, after commercials…

Oh, just in case anyone really cares about Tough Enough, you can see what the contestants think of it so far Friday night at 9.

Hehe, a Turkey mocked up like Carlito Cool spits apple at another Turkey.

Back, and the Tough Enough guys are being led out. Al Snow introduces them. First two guys get no reaction, Rodimer gets a few boos, and Justice and Puder actually get cheers. This week, it’s Rodimer getting eliminated. Bye Bye.

Al Snow introduces this weeks challenge: Arm Wrestling! Mike and Puder go first. Mike is left handed, but has to wrestle with his right, and gets pissed when the crowd chants “UFC!” Ref starts it, and Puder taunts Mike for a second, but makes easy work of him. Justice and Ryan (who is working with a couple busted ribs) are next, and there is actually a bit of struggle, but Ryan takes it. Al takes a second to ask the losers who will win, and they both go with the person who wasn’t their opponent. Ref lets them fly, and Puder is able to win it. Up next, Diva action.

You know that Birdman Commercial where he tears up the contract? Where he’s trying to suggest that he’s too thug life to sell out? Umm, I hate to tell you this, Mr. Birdman, but you are advertising a fashionable urban walking shoe: YOU’VE ALREADY SOLD OUT, SUCKAH! Hypocrisy tastes good, huh?

Back, and Eddie Guererro and Booker T are backstage, and they are PUMPED for their match with J”B”L and Orlando Jordan. There’s a knock at the door, and a set of breasts walks in. Oh wait, it’s Diva Search Castoff Amy Weber and she’s J”B”L’s image consultant now. She says they could use a couple image tips themselves, and Booker scoffs and says that the title belt is all the image enhancement he needs. Eddie goes, “uhh, excuse me!” and tells Booker he blew his chance at Survivor Series. Booker fires back with how Eddie blew his at the cage match. Eddie comes back with how, yeah, Booker is a 5-time WCW champ, but he just hasn’t been able to win the big one here in the big leagues, huh? Booker goes for the EXTREMELY low blow by saying that when he wins the title, he won’t moan and complain that he lost his title because of his family. This draws out the “I’m Pissed off!” face in Eddie, and they squabble some more before being reminded by Breasts in a Red Dress that Undertaker is in the 4-Way match as well. They stop arguing, and Eddie tells Booker that he NEVER forgets.

Out on the ramp, Joy is WAY too excited about the food on the table.

Commercials.

After an animated Turkey gets run over by J”B”L’s limo, we cut to Tazz and Cole who are talking about the heinous attack on John Cena’s kidneys by Jesus from last week, and we get a video package giving us the details.

Back from that, and Cole sends us to Carlito Cool (W/ Jesus) to tell us his side of the story. Carlito shushes Cole (“I don’t have time for uncool people like you to be taking it up”) and says that Cena got what he deserved. He gives Jesus his props, and gives him the chain that did the duty as a reward. Cole asks Jesus what he’s going to do when Cena gets back. Jesus SPEAKS! He says that Cena thinks he’s a thug? Well Jesus is a thug as well, and when Cena gets back, Jesus has a surprise for him: he has just gotten his wrestling license. So if Cena wants to do this, “Then we can do it in the street, we can do it backstage, we can do it in the ring. And I’ll give you more of the same, because payback is a b*BEEP*ch.” Carlito closes us out with an apple spit right into the camera.

Elsewhere, Rey meets up with RVD and wishes him luck for his upcoming match with Kenzo, and we are off to commercials.

Back, and Torrie is in the ring to announce Rob Van Dam Vs. Kenzo Suzuki (W/ an unhappy looking Hiroko.)

Bell rings, they fight over a lockup, and Kenzo gets a couple big chest slaps. RVD answers with a kick to put Kenzo down. RVD goes up top, but Kenzo runs in with a shot to the gut, hangs him up, and kicks RVD in the kidneys. Cross corner whip and Kenzo LEVELS RVD with a massive clothesline. Kenzo works RVD over, gets the double knee drop, covers for 2, and then locks in a surfboard. RVD powers up, backflips over Kenzo, then it’s time for the educated feet to go to work. RVD gets a rolling thunder in, then goes up for the frogsplash. Hiroko gets up in the ring and sneaks Kenzo a sash as she stops RVD from flying. RVD gets down and goes to lift her out of the ring, but Kenzo attacks from behind and chokes him out with the sash. Ref calls for the bell and tells Torrie to announce the decision. She gets up in the ring and states that RVD is the winner because of a DQ. Hiroko turns to her, and smacks the taste out of her mouth! Torrie goes, “Oh no you di’int!” and jumps her, raining down the right hands. Kenzo drags her off, sets her up in the corner, then starts doing the hip grind on her. RVD interrupts this and gets a flurry of rights and a dropkick to send Kenzo out. Play RVD’s music, and we’re off to commercials.

Heidenturkey headbutts the camera.

Back, and in the ring, Joy is presenting her wares. And the food looks pretty good too. Josh Mathews is there to announce and gives the $10 talk job on announcing…

“Weeeelllll!” The Big Show is out for A Big Show Thanksgiving. Big Show is all grins as he gets in the ring, takes time to let us know that Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday. He takes a second to give props to his favorite announcers, but since JR and King are on Raw, He’ll give it up for Tazz and Cole. Big Show begs off immediately, because he doesn’t’ want Tazz to have an ECW flashback and suplex him through the pie. This draws an ECW chant, to which Big Show says, “That’s good! Go buy the DVD.” Big Show proceeds to tell us a story about how his family had a hard time feeding him when he was younger, and emphasized the point by talking about how he duct taped his sisters Boyfriend in order to have more to eat. This segues into Big Show telling us how he’s doing better now, and to share his good fortune, he’s going to share with all his WWE buddies. So he calls Tazz, Cole, Tony Chimel, the ring techs, etc. into the ring to get some food. Everyone is having a grand old time until…

Luther Reigns is out to spoil the fun with a pity party. You see; he never had a holiday. All his holidays were spent on the run, in a fight, or in prison. He never had good food, just bread and spoiled meat in lockdown. “You people’s big gripe is having too much food? I HAD TO FIGHT TO STAY ALIVE! But since you’re inviting everyone else, I think I’ll invite myself!” Luther gets in the rings and orders Joy to serve him stuff. As she’s dishing up a plate, He picks up a pie, tastes it, and stuffs it in her face. He laughs, but Big Show doesn’t think it’s as funny and slams his head into the table. Big Show tosses Luther out and as security drags Luther away, everyone in the ring decides its time for a food fight. Big Show turns around, sees the action, and just laughs. Once it’s over, he goes to see if Joy is all right, and she tops off the festivities with a pie in Show’s face. Everyone’s happy as we go to commercials.

Back, and Moments ago, Big Show got a pie in the face. Tazz and Cole are a right mess as well.

Kurt Angle is out to the ring with two armed Policemen (I don’t think that’s a regulation haircut on the white guy.) Kurt has a mic and says that it’s now week two of the Kurt Angle invitational, where any local yokel can attempt to pin or make Kurt submit in order to win Kurt’s Olympic Gold Medal. One of the cops holds it up, and it’s the real deal, all right. Kurt says to get his opponent down here, and one answers. Kurt interviews him: Name: Cody Steele. Hometown: Rochester, NY. Kurt is in the Thanksgiving spirit, so he decides to let Cody be on top. Cody takes position and the Ref starts them. Kurt easily outwrestles him, and as the kid makes the ropes, does the dick thing and kicks him in the ribs. Cody gets down into position again and Kurt takes his time getting into position. Kurt decides to simply kick Cody in the face, knocking him silly. Kurt picks him up, Angle Slam, and now an Ankle lock for the tap out. Kurt wrenches it in some more, just to be an asshole. Kurt exits the ring and poses proudly with his medal and we are off to commercials.

Back, and after Turkey Tazz smacks Turkey Cole around, Al Snow is out to give the Tough Enough guys 20 seconds each. Ryan has the embarrassing moment of the night when he tries to get a pop and gets nothing. Well, since Rodimer is out, my prediction is between Puder and Justice.

Last Thursday, Heidenreich had a breakdown. Backstage, a food covered Josh Mathews asks Paul Heyman how Heidenreich is doing. Paul dresses Josh down, then informs us that Heidenreich, because of his emotional collapse last week, says that Heidenreich is currently under observation and heavy medication. He entreats us to all take a moment and offer up our prayers for poor ol’ Heidenreich.

Elsewhere, Miss Jackie is stretching out with Diva Search Castoff Michelle and seeking reassurance that Charlie Haas couldn’t have cheated on her. Michelle says she doesn’t think so, but plants the seed in Jackie’s mind by saying that there’s truth to every rumor. Charlie comes in at this point and Michelle excuses herself. Charlie takes a few seconds to admire what he sees as she leaves. Jackie makes an off comment about Michelle leaving her jacket behind, and Charlie gushes about her costume. Jackie promises victory, and asks him directly if he did anything. Charlie pours on the sap and says that there’s no way he’d cheat on Jackie, and ends it with a deep movie star kiss.

Back, and Dawn Marie is out in an Indian costume to take on Miss Jackie in her pilgrim costume. Nothing but catfight here until Charlie is out to break it up. Absolutely no heat.

We pause to see the announcement that WWE is going back to Baghdad to entertain the troops this Christmas one more time.

And back to the arena, less than 30 seconds after there was a full fledged catfight going on, there is no sign of any of the combatants as Booker T and Eddie Guererro (W/ Lowrider) are out to take on…

Commercials.

Back, and John “Bradshaw” Layfield and Orlando Jordan are out for the match.

Eddie starts with J”B”L. Bradshaw taunts by throwing the towel at Eddie, Eddie throws it back and they chain wrestle around. Eddie gets a drop toehold and a dropkick to take J”B”L down. Tag to Booker and he keeps up the offense. J”B”L gets away and Orlando is in to get more of the same. An errant cheap shot by J”B”L turns the tide towards Orlando, But Booker powers up and gets a brief flurry of offense before Orlando gets a shot in to take over. Tag to J”B”L who come sin to pound on Booker for a second, then tag back to Orlando. The tussle, and a double clothesline leads to a double tag. Eddie is a house o’ far as he takes down J”B”L with multiple clotheslines. 3 Amigos is interrupted buy a cheap shot by Orlando, but Booker is in to take care of him. 2 corner, 10-punch count along is interrupted by J”B”L hitting a powerbomb on Eddie. Big Boot for Booker and J”B”L goes to cover, but Booker kicks out. Lots of brawling ensues, and as Booker is taking care of Orlando outside the ring, a “Fan” clocks Booker. The Fan removes his cap to reveal that it’s Danny Basham. Eddie and the Ref haven’t seen any of this as Eddie goes up for a frogsplash. Orlando distracts the ref as Doug Basham runs up and punches Eddie off the top. Eddie lands hard; J”B”L is up to hit a clothesline from hell and pin for the win. J”B”L and Orlando are celebrating when suddenly…

“BONG!” The lights go down, and when they come up, Orlando’s neck has found it’s way into the grip of The Undertaker. ‘Taker chokeslams him then turns his attention to J”B”L. John tries to run, but he bounces off the ropes right into a big boot. Undertaker picks him up, and tombstones the champ to send the crowd home happy. We fade out with the visual of ‘Taker holding the belt high, WWE logo, and we’re outta here.

Well, it was a thanksgiving show. They didn’t show anything groundbreaking, but the mix of fun stuff (Big Show food fight), storytelling, and good wrestling stuff made up for the bad (Tough Enough and the painful Haas/Dawn/Jackie triangle.)

See ya next week!