Everyone has seen me shill the local (to me, anyway) indy fed, Vanguard Championship Wrestling in my columns from time to time. Well, once again, I entreat wrestling fans to come on out, but for a much more serious reason.
  

coming Sunday night in Hampton, VA. All proceeds will go to a special fund dedicated to helping her out, and in exchange, you get a night of kick ass wrestling from stars from both VCW and other indy feds. Details can be found here. And if you don't feel that you got your $10 worth, I'll let myself get chopped by every wrestler in the arena! Ok, not really, but I do promise that you'll go home happy, and quite possibly with a much warmer feeling in your heart.

I’d go on all night about this subject, but I’m pretty sure that Rick would like a recap in here someplace, so let’s get on with the wrasslin!

We don’t even get the WWE leader, we just jump in halfway through the opening, and then there was pyro, and we are LIVE (taped) from Memphis, TN. Later tonight, Cena and J”B”L will have a debate. Oh god is I glad I have plenty of Killians…

Tazz is in the ring, and he wants us all to check out…

“Weeelllll!” The Big Show, and it looks like he’s out to deliver another promo emphasizing how excited he is to take on Akebono, how much respect he has for him, etc. Tazz states that Akebono has a plethora of experience in sumo. That’s kind of like saying that the pacific has a lot of water. After a couple shots of Akebono pushing other sumo around like little kids, we come back and Tazz is wondering if Akebono weighs more, and we’ll find out next week at the weigh in. Big Show says he doesn’t care what the weigh in says, that’s he’s still bigger than Akebono.

We are rudely interrupted by Luther Reigns, driving a big jacked up jeep. He grabs a stick and points out that Big Show has done nothing but talk about how big he is and he’s sick of it. Luther points out the discrepancy between Big Show and Akebono’s sumo records (Big Show: 0 matches, Akebono: 6 time grand champion.) Luther says Big Show is going to embarrass himself, Teddy Long, and the entire Smackdown Locker room, of which Luther is a part of. He goes on and says that Big Show shouldn’t be facing Akebono, that it should be him, and to prove it, he’s going to flip the jeep he just drove out. Big Show gets a bemused expression on his face, Luther rolls up his sleeves, and he goes at it. He isn’t very successful, and as Big Show yuks it up and the crowd chants, “You Suck!” Luther gets pissed and tries to attack Big Show, but Big Show fends him off easily. After putting Luther down, Big Show looks to take his leave, but pauses at the top of the ramp. The crowd knows what’s coming next, and Big Show delivers. He spends a couple minutes rocking the jeep back and forth, and after shattering the windshield with an open palm slap, he finally flips the jeep over. We have just a few seconds of seeing Big Show celebrate his accomplishment when…

Backstage, Eddie is tired of things getting stirred up and telling Chavo to leave. Chavo says he’s got one last thing to get off his chest. He’s tired of seeing Eddie get held down by Eddie. When Eddie asks what he’s talking about, Chavo references last weeks match where Rey got the pin after Eddie did most of the work. Eddie says that Rey was the legal man, and Chavo’s all, “WTF!?” Since when have Guererro’s been concerned with legal? Chavo says Rey stole that match from Eddie, and that Eddie can not listen to Chavo if he wants to, but he needs to listen to himself.

Back from commercials, and the Hulk Hogan moment of the night is him defeating Yokozuna at Wrestlemania IX. Was I seeing things, or while Hogan was conferring with Bret Hart at ringside, did Bret say, “Go fuck him up!”?

Back, and Orlando Jordan (W/ J”B”L) is out to defend the United States Championship against Scotty Too Hotty. Wow, it must be Velocity appreciation night tonight, what with this and Haas and Holly challenging for the Tag Titles later on.

Scotty in the ring, and J”B”L has words for Scotty. It’s words to the effect of “You don’t rate!” and then he slaps Scotty with his Stetson. Scotty soaks it in for a second, then hits a superkick out of nowhere, knocking J”B”L flat on his ass! Orlando tries to get involved, and eats a superkick of his own. J”B”L staggering to his feet, so Scotty with the Bulldog, off comes the Wrestlemania 21 baseball jersey, and Scotty signals for the Worm! And guess what? He actually hits it! J”B”L staggers out and gets his bearings again. Orlando goes to jump in, but J”B”L stops him, says he wants this, so now it’s:

John “Bradshaw” Layfield (W/ Orlando Jordan) Vs. Scotty Too Hotty.

Match goes just about as you’d expect. J”B”L with the overpowering offense to start, hits a fallaway slam, big boot, Hades Lariat, and that’s all for Scotty, see you in a month or so.

Backstage, Josh Matthews is outside Kurt Angle’s locker room and knocking. Kurt opens the door and sticks his head out. He says that if we thought that the match with Janetty last week was cool, just wait until we see the blast from HBK’s past he’s got in store for us tonight.

Commercials.

Back, and Theodore Long is out. First, he gushes about Big Show’s feat of turning the jeep over. He doesn’t know if he can top that, but he’s gonna try. Ladies and Gentleman, Elvis Presley!

Music and smoke hits, and instead of Elvis, we get more along the lines of El-Vez. Carlito Caribbean Cool is out, in the rhinestone jumpsuit, dragging a guitar. “Teddy Long wants me to be Elvis? That’s not cool!” He gives it the old college try, though, and actually tries to get into the act, singing Jailhouse Rock (badly) doing some gyrating, then finally having enough of making a fool of himself and heading backstage. By the way, his arm is now out of the sling.

Backstage, and Eddie is walking, and he happens upon Rey’s dressing room. They have a bit of bonding, and Eddie brings up the point that they don’t’ have a match at Wrestlemania. Rey is aghast too, but Eddie has a GREAT idea. Rey can’t wait to hear it. Eddie gives us a picture this scenario. Rey is all about it. “Ok, think of it! At Wrestlemania, Eddie Guererro vs. Rey Mysterio!” Rey doubletakes, and at first thinks Eddie’s joking around, but Eddie is dead serious. Eddie wants to know what Rey thinks, Rey says he needs a bit of time to think about it, he kinda got caught off guard. They head off to their match.

Charlie Haas and Hardcore Holly are both out to challenge for the tag titles…

“Bong!” Suddenly, the lights and the Smackatron go haywire, and Undertaker shows up. “Many times, dragons have come and tried to lay siege to my kingdom. But when you slapped me, Randy Orton, you awoke a sleeping dragon. TONIGHT I shall rise from the ashes, and TONIGHT there will be a SACRIFICE!” Haas and Holly are perplexed, but it’s time for a commercial.

Back, and Eddie Guererro and Rey Mysterio are out to defend the titles. Despite their friction backstage, Team Rasa are upbeat and ready to go.

Eddie and Hardcore start. Chain wrestling to start, and Hardcore gets the upper hand, holding Eddie off. Tag to Charlie, and Eddie is able to force him into his corner. Tag to Rey, who gets a quick setup for 6-1-9. Before he can execute, the lights flash, we get the thunder and darkness for a second, and While Tazz and Cole wonder if this is when ‘Taker is going to make his sacrifice, we go to commercials.

Back, and Rey is in face-in-peril mode against Hardcore Holly. Tag to Charlie, and Rey is able to get an elbow up to his charge, and then hits a springboard senton. Tag to Eddie, and he takes Charlie down, dropkick to Holly, then the three amigos to Charlie. Eddie going up for a frogsplash, but Haas moves, so Eddie rolls through. Holly in and hits a full nelson driver. Charlie up and locking in the Haas of Pain. Eddie in pain, but Rey is up and drops the dime on Charlie. Hardcore in, he kicks Rey and tries for a powerbomb, but Rey fights out of it and head scissors Hardcore out of the ring. Eddie dodges a Haas charge into the corner. Eddie sets Haas up on the top turnbuckle, then launches Rey up onto Haas’s shoulders and he hits the Hurricanrana. Eddie back body drops Rey out onto Hardcore on the outside, then goes up and hits the frogsplash. 1-2-3, Champs retain!

After the match, Rey has the mic and asks if Eddie was serious about the match at Wrestlemania. Eddie says yeah, so Rey says he’s serious about it too, and he accepts his challenge. Eddie is ecstatic, and they leave the ring closer than ever.

Back, and HBK’s music hits. Fooled you! It’s really Kurt Angle, and he’s wearing a mockup of HBK’s chaps. And he’s brought with him Sensational Sherri! He goes through the poses, does the dancing, and finally kills the music. He says that last week against Marty Janetty, he proved that he is a better wrestler than HBK, and this week, with the help of Sherri, he’s going to prove himself the better entertainer. So they hit HBK’s music, and Kurt launches into a rendition praising his gold medals, the ankle lock, and how great HE is, with Sherri adding backup vocals that grate on the most visceral levels. After the chorus, Kurt hugs Sherri, but the tender moment is interrupted by Shaun Michaels on the Smackatron. He hates to split up the tender moment, but he has something to say. “Oh, and good to see you again Sherri. You look good! You look… you... You know, no you don’t, you don’t look that good…” At Raw, Kurt angle interrupted the festivities to give us a showcase of his accomplishments. Well, HBK feels that it’s his turn tonight. With this, he throws us to a video package of HBK’s own career. It’s every bit as spine tingling as Kurt’s was Monday.

After the video, Sherri has a wan smile and looks like she wouldn’t mind one last run with Shaun. Kurt notices this, and is not pleased. They exchange a few words, and Kurt throws her down and locks in the anklelock. Sherri screams bloody murder and finally, the refs come down to break it up. They pull him off her, and he breaks free and locks it in again. Finally they are able to pull him off her, and Kurt exits up the ramp with that sadistic grin we’ve all come to know and love.

Back, and it’s time for the Michelle McCool and Dawn- Marie catfight. Goes as you’d expect. Some mildly entertaining brawling, a teased wardrobe malfunction, and in the middle of the match, the signal starts getting glitchy, and everyone gets concerned that the Undertaker my strike here. He doesn’t, and Dawn proceeds to cheat to win. As she’s being dragged away from the ring, Dawn screams that Michelle will never beat her.

Backstage, and Carlito is heading out. Funaki runs up and asks him where he’s going. Carlito says he’s taking a break and Funaki says it looks like he’s leaving. Carlito says he can’t stand Memphis, and that if Elvis were here, he’d spit in his face. This draws mild boo’s and he thrusts the sunglasses at Funaki and walks off. Funaki puts them on and starts to sing Jailhouse rock himself when Carlito is back and delivering El Kabong. He tells Funaki to tell Teddy he’s taking the night off, and walks off.

WM21: You talking to me?

Back, and Booker T is out to take on Rene DuPree (W/ Fifi).

Lockup, Booker with a hammer lock. Rene gets out and goes to work with some chops. Booker answers with a spinning heel kick. Rene with some punches, a scoop slam, and a cover gets 2. Booker whipped into the corner, Rene charging in and hitting a couple shoulders. Rene barely gets the Gay, Gay Dance of French Manliness out when the lights go out, the signal gets glitchy, and he hear an ominous “Bong!” Tazz and Cole are ready to brush it off as another false alarm when the lights come up and there’s The Dead Man himself, standing behind Rene. Booker bails and Rene is clueless. Slowly he clues in, turns around and walks right into a chokeslam. Undertaker drags him out of the ring, savages him, then hits the tombstone on the ringsteps. Roll the eyes, and we’re off to commercials.

Moments ago: Rene had a bad night.

Back, and Theodore Long is out to the ring and he’s moderating the debate. First out, John “Bradshaw” Layfield. He’s accompanied by footage of him ringing the bell at the Dow Jones, to which Cole says that only a privileged few get to do. Yeah, J”B”L is in such great company as Monica Lewinsky, OJ Simpson, and Motley Crüe. J”B”L is making his way to the ring and it’s time for commercials.

Back, and J”B”L has taken his place at the podium. Teddy announces John Cena. Cena is all intensity and looks to go kicking J”B”L’s ass. J”B”L has Teddy remind Cena of the rules in effect concerning Cena touching him. Teddy does so, but also reminds J”B”L that he can’t touch Cena either, or at that time, Cena will earn the right to retaliate. Cena likes this idea and we get started.

Teddy gets the show on the road. First question: Why do you think you are qualified to be WWE Champion. J”B”L starts us off by thanking everyone, then doing the standard “I am a wrestling God” speech. The question is turned to Cena, and he instantly breaks the debate format by going out and putting a knife in J”B”L’s limo tire and painting “J”B”L Sucks” on the side. J”B”L Goes ballistic, and calls for Cena to be arrested. Cena gets back in the ring and gets in J”B”L’s face, daring him to punch him. J”B”L asks for the next question.

Second question: Do you think a good social and economic upbringing is good for the champion. J”B”L rants about how it is, and says that a scumbag like Cena would only ride in a limo if he were driving it. Cena says that sure he could wear a suit and tie, but that’s not his style. There is one way to find out tho, and produces a pair of scissors. He uses the points to snatch up J”B”L’s tie and cuts it off. He stuff it down his jersey, then says it sucks and throws it away.

Teddy has the third question, and Cena just cut him off, postulating what it’s going to take to get J”B”L to take a swing at him. He snatches J”B”L’s hat, and says that he’s going to prove that he’s a liar. He asks if it’s a real 10-gallon hat, then proceeds to dump a couple pitchers of water into it, and with this, it proves J”B”L is a liar. For effect, he puts the hat onto J”B”L’s head, dousing him. They yell back and forth at each other about how they’re going to kick each other’s asses at Wrestlemania, and then Cena says that J”B”L isn’t a wrestling god, but he is something else and produces a can of yellow spray paint. J”B”L turns to protest, and Cena paints J”B”L’s back yellow. J”B”L is understandably upset at this, but still won’t throw a punch, so Cena says he’s going to give J”B”L a couple letters that he’ll be very well acquainted with at Wrestlemania. He pulls out a can of red paint, and spray paints “F-U” on J”B”L’s chest. Cena gives us his annoying little laugh, exits the ring, and we fade out with the WWE logo and we’re outta here!

Well, I don’t know if a placeholder show was the right thing to do this close to Wrestlemania, but here it is. Maybe I’m just tired, but I just get the feeling that absolutely nothing was accomplished tonight. Oh, and the last 15 minutes of “debate” sucked. It was just more of Cena acting like a 6^th grader trying to get a rise out of someone and J”B”L actually looking better for all the restraint he showed.

See ya Next Week, and See ya at the VCW show this Sunday!