WWE leader, and you’d betta lock the door at the country club, Cause The Champ (Cena) is Here. Oh, and in the main event, Eddie cost Rey advancement in the championship series.

Smackdown opening, and we have pyro and are LIVE (taped) from Chi-Town!

Booker tries to jaw jack with J”B”L (who has taken the 3^rd headset on commentary,) allowing Orlando to get the first strike in and get a couple minutes of offense in. He stops to pose, and Booker takes over with the offense, culminating with a sidekick. It doesn’t take too much longer before The Bashams are out to draw the DQ for Orlando. The beatdown lasts for about 3 seconds before…

“Weeeelllll!” It’s The Big Show. He’s out to make the save for some reason, and they clear the ring. J”B”L is yelling at the Bashams to get back in the ring and take Big Show out. He doesn’t have to scream for long before Theodore Long is out and declaring that the match is NOT over, and that it now is a handicap match. The Bashams get up on the apron, and Big Show drags them into the ring and has chokeslams all around. Booker tagged in, Big Show deals with Orlando and Doug on the outside, and after an axe kick, Booker pins Danny for the win. Big Show and booker are all High Fives in the ring, and J”B”L is pissed at his Cabinet for their failure. Tazz and Cole declare this a “Wild Start!” and we are off to commercials.

Back, and after Cole mentions again that this has been a wild start, apparently, Dawn-Marie is pissed at losing to Torrie Wilson in the bikini contest last week, because here they are for a catfight. Lots of hair pulling by Dawn as Torrie is the face-in-peril until a sunset flip leads to a pin reversal sequence. Dawn with an X-Factor (I’m sorry) and cover for 2. Torrie into the corner, Dawn chases and Torrie leapfrogs her and gets a schoolgirl rollup for two. Both girls back up, Torrie with a swinging neck breaker and she covers, leading us to our third “Wild Start” of the night.

Back from commercials, and WWE went to Australia over the weekend. Ok, looks like Cena hasn’t blinged out the belt yet…

“I spit in the face of people who don’t want to be cool!” Carlito Caribbean Cool is out for the first ever “Carlito’s Cabana!” The Ring is decked out with beach chairs, a hammock, palm trees, the works. He declares Pipers Pit and Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel to be uncool. He reminds us that he’s got a whole bushel of apples, and that if you disrespect him, he’ll spit in your face. He says Chicago isn’t cool. Take for instance, the Cubs. He rubs a bit of salt in the wound by bringing up that they haven’t won a world series in almost 100 years, and that they are called the lovable losers; Much like his first guest: Rey Mysterio Jr. Rey is out, and Carlito says he’s sorry about Rey losing the match last week, and we get a review of the end of last weeks main event. He says that Eddie screwing up his first ever title shot, that’s not cool. Rey says, yeah, that’s not cool, but he sees what Carlito is trying to do (Stir things up, to which Carlito begs off) and he knows other people are trying to do the same. But you see, Eddie and Rey are Familia, and nothing people do can split them up. Carlito says that there IS a problem, that Eddie is jealous. Rey says for Carlito to explain himself…

But wait! In a flurry of red carpet and paparazzi, here comes a brand new Tag Team! It’s Johnny Nitro, some chick, and some other guy! The Guys have a nice synchronized entrance (Nitro almost screws it up, tho) and the chick does a Chinese split to get in. Carlito (and your humble recapper) is impressed! The Chick grabs a mic, and introduces herself as Mileena, and the two hunks of meat behind her are Nitro and Mercury, and they are collectively known as MNM (Get it?) you see, last week, they were in LA, hanging with Ashton, Paris, Demi, and a few other names and they just all of a sudden decide that going after the tag titles is the thing to do. Rey has his mic and says that while Mileena is dropping names, she should also drop a breath mint! This puts Mileena off a bit, and says that since Eddie isn’t here yet to give them a title shot, she’ll just have to be happy with THIS! And Mercury jumps Rey. Rey does a good job keeping the guys off, but they are two and he is one and eventually, they leave him lying.

Commercials.

Backstage, J”B”L is giving The Bashams and Orlando Jordan a harsh dressing down. He blames them for the reason he isn’t champion. They are told to shape up or ship out and J”B”L storms off. He bumps right into a delivery guy with a big box. He says that this package is for John Cena, and he is to deliver it directly to him. J”B”L says he’s a close personal friend, strips a couple big bills off a wad, and bribes the delivery guy. Now in possession of the box, J”B”L is all chuckles and Orlando come sup and says he can’t wait for them to destroy it like they did the US title. “We? There is no ‘WE’ in this. I will not have this one screwed up!” and J”B”L leaves Orlando and The Bashams to stew. And if anyone out there actually thinks that the belt is in that box, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

Elsewhere, Rey is being looked over (and astute observers will see that the XFL lives on, or at least it’s gear does!) by a doc when Eddie runs in. he’s sorry for not being there, and Rey gets on his case for not being there tonight AND for costing him his shot last week. Eddie backpedals, and goes into overemotional mode, saying that from here on out, everything is dedicated to Rey. When he wins the title, he’s dedicating his win to Rey. You can just see the smarmy start to ooze into Eddie voice and mannerism. Eddie leaves, Rey looks down, and we go to commercials.

Back, and John Cena is out for his WWE Title Presentation.  He kicks us off with a quick “The Champ is Here” and goes right into shill mode by telling us that Wrestlemania 22 is going to be in Chi Town, and that it’s only fitting that the Chicago chain gang be here for the unveiling of the new title belt. He runs down his list of contenders, ending with J”B”L, and acknowledging that J”B”L has the box. He asks J”B”L to bring the box out, and if he doesn’t do it, then he’ll go back and get it. J”B”L makes us wait for a second, and then he’s out. He has a techie set up a trashcan, and then the mystery box is placed on top. J”B”L says that John left something laying around, takes his coat off, and reveals the old title belt around his waist. He says he’s not going to allow Cena to destroy what he spent 10 months building up, so he’s going to destroy Cena’s little bit of bling bling. J”B”L opens the box, and of course, what’s in the box isn’t the belt, it’s entrails. Cena says that he wanted to get something special for J”B”L, but what do you get for the man who has everything. Suddenly, it came to him, he was going to get J”B”L the thing he KNEW he didn’t have: Guts! While J”B”L retches on the ramp, Cena jumps out of the ring, grabs the box, and douses J”B”L with the entrails. Back in the ring, Cena has the new title lowered to him, and to the surprise of no one, it’s a totally blinged out version, and it spins! Cena has it officially put around his waist, and it looks like the Cena Era has begun.

“Hei! Den! Heidenreich!” is out to take on VCW’s own Phil Brown! Phil kicks ass, but not tonight. Match is just a showcase for Heidenreich’s squashtastic abilities. AS he beats him down, Heidenreich goes on about how he wants to be Phil’s friend. After a sidewalk slam, he gets the pin. But wait! He’s not done! He sets Phil up in the corner and has a poem. About farting. Yeah, I’m simply speechless as well. He’s really happy and looks like he’s just gotten a new lease on life as he leaves the ring.

Backstage, Booker and Sharmell are ecstatic about Booker and Big Show’s win over the Bashams earlier tonight. Booker then starts posing for the photographer while Sharmell goes on about how THIS is what a future WWE Champion looks like. To bring everything to a screeching halt, here comes Kurt Angle to talk trash and tell us all about how he’s going to beat Eddie tonight, and win the 3-way later to go on and take the title from Cena and become a 5-time WWE champion, something Booker hasn’t even done once. Booker starts to retort, but Sharmell has this one. She reminds Kurt that last year, at Wrestlemania, Eddie broke the whole enchilada off in Kurt. This leaves Kurt speechless and we go to commercials.

Back, and Paul London (W/ black and white footage from last week because the blood is too gruesome for regular viewing) is out. He’s got a mic in the ring, and he says that after the match last week, he had to get 18 stitches. The doctors refuse to let him wrestle tonight, but that’s ok, he’s out for a fight. He calls Chavo out.  Chavo obliges, and has a mic as well. Re says that the blood loss must have made him forget that Paul has never beaten Chavo one-on-one. Chavo says that as soon as Paul is 100%, he’d be happy to go to the ring and take the title from Paul, but seeing as how Chavo is an honorable man, he would never attack an injured man. This is Billy Kidman’s cue to attack from behind. Kidman gets about 3 seconds of offense in before Paul fires back and drops Billy. Chavo into the ring, and right back out via a Paul London dropsault. Paul Puts Kidman down with a clothesline, drags him to the corner, and hits the 450 splash. Paul hauls Kidman’s lifeless carcass up as a message to Chavo, who is backing up the ramp.

Raw Rewind. Batista is an animal, blah, blah, blah. Oh, other stuff happened, but it wasn’t as important as HHH challenging JR.

John Cena has an album coming out. I expect it to move at LEAST as many units as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III soundtrack.

Back, and oh yes, it’s not a bracket tournament for the #1 contender, it’s three matches, and the winners of those 3 matches meet in a triple threat match to determine the #1 contender.

Kurt Angle is out to take on Eddie Guererro in the second match in the Champion Series. Eddie isn’t his usual happy self.

Lockup, they break, Lockup, and Eddie takes it to the mat. Kurt comes back and gets the better of Eddie, who squirms out and retreats to the corner. Kurt in and Eddie with a kick to the gut, they trade a few rights, then split to listen to the “Angle Sucks!” chant. Back together, they trade wristlocks, Eddie flips Kurt over, and gets a cross arm breaker. Angle fights over and gets a rollup on Eddie, who kicks out at 2. They trade hiptosses, and Kurt bails to slow the match down. Kurt back in and he gets a poke to the eye and works an arm bar, but Eddie reverses that into a hiptoss and takes over, getting the Three Amigos. Eddie up for the Frogsplash, but Kurt moves and Eddie rolls through. Kurt out of the ring, and we are off to commercials.

Back, and Kurt has taken control and is looking to knock Eddies head off with the European uppercuts. Eddie into the corner, Kurt with the boots, a quick suplex, and cover gets two. Bear hug applied, and Eddie tries to fight out, but Kurt gets a belly-to-belly throw. Kurt going for the Angle Slam, but Eddie reverses into a Hurricanrana. Eddie covers, but Kurt kicks out and Eddie lands on the ref. Eddie takes advantage to try a quick cheat to win segment. He goes out, grabs a chair, sees the ref stirring, and tosses the chair to Kurt and drops. Kurt, being no dummy, tosses the chair back and Eddie hot potatoes it back, this time dropping as though out cold. Kurt then disposes of the evidence, but Referee Jimmy Korderas is apparently the smartest ref ever to take a ring and he sees the chair outside of the ring and gets on Kurt’s case about it, as they argue, Eddie sneaks up and applies a schoolboy. Kurt gets out and hits a suplex to get the advantage. Kurt locking in the body vice. Eddie fights out, but Kurt overpowers him, sets him up on the top turnbuckle, and goes for the angle slam. Eddie fights him off, tho, and after sending Kurt plummeting to the mat, goes for the frogsplash. Kurt gets the knees up, and Eddie goes full force into them. Kurt tries to cover, but Eddie gets a foot on the ropes, and we are off to our final commercial break.

We’re back, and Eddie just barely kicks out of another pin, but Kurt is back with the bear hug. Eddie trying to resist, but Kurt pounds him down and goes for a third angle slam, but Eddie counters with a DDT. Both men back up, exchanging rights, and Eddie gets the better of the exchange and goes for the three amigos. Eddie gets up to number 3, but Kurt counters and gets the Angle slam! Kurt covers: 1-2-NO! Kurt is frustrated, looking to go for the ankle lock, but Eddie grabs him for a small package. Kurt kicks out after 2. Kurt trying to brawl out, but Eddie gets a schoolboy for 2. Kurt up, and he locks in the hat trick germans. Cover, 1-2-NO! Eddie up, getting ANOTHER Three Amigos! Frogsplash! Cover, 1-2- NO! Kurt up, grabbing an ankle lock, and Eddie turns out of it. They brawl for a second, and Kurt gets another ankle lock in. He holds it for a bit this time, but Eddie is again able to turn out of it, but he causes Kurt to run into the ref, sending him out of the ring. Kurt takes advantage of the ref’s absence and goes for the chair on the outside. Kurt into the ring, but there’s Rey to drop the dime! He grabs the chair and Kurt bails. Rey goes to look after Eddie with the chair in his hand. Eddie turns around, sees the chair, and freaks out, thinking Rey is coming after him with it. Rey is trying to reassure him that he isn’t and I’m wondering why he doesn’t simply throw the chair away to prove his point. It’s answered for me when Kurt comes backup in the ring and shoves Rey from behind, causing him to hit Eddie with the chair. Kurt tosses Rey out, disposes of the chair, and just as the ref is climbing back in the ring, he covers and Jimmy counts 1-2-3. Kurt Angle is advancing in the Championship series. Kurt celebrates on the ramp while Eddie and Rey pound the mat in frustration. One last look at Eddie’s tortured face, fade out, WWE logo, and we are outta here!

Decent show tonight. You can never go wrong by capping your show with 25 minutes of Eddie/Angle. Paul London coming out and showing that he’s a fighting champion was very cool as well, and I personally can’t wait for the blow off match between he and Chavo. Everything else had the reek of mediocrity, tho. The Cabinet vs. Big Show/Booker? Just kind of there. The return of the now happy-go-lucky Heidenreich? Nobody was really chanting for him to come back. The New Tag Team on the block? They show promise; lets just hope they aren’t being jobbed to Big Show 3 weeks down the line. And it is kind of sad that after the Angle/Eddie match, the next match down the line in terms of quality was Torrie/Dawn. And for a brief instant, I had the tiniest shimmering hope that Cena was going to stay with the traditional belt when I saw it around J”B”L’s waist and he went up the ramp, but no, He was just giving us the next level of poop joke and they had to give us the spinning WWE Title, didn’t they? Pardon me if I don’t get as excited for this belt as I would for, say, the smoking skull belt or the Ultimate Warriors Blue belt. Expect the see the replicas of these belts in pawnshops for $20 in 3 years, guys.

See ya next week!