WWE opening, and we are LIVE (taped) from Sioux City, Ioway, and we are just 72 hours from Judgement day.

Matt Morgan! Carlito gushes over how huge Matt is, and asks him to be his bodyguard. Matt tries to say yes, but of course, can’t get it out. Carlito tells him to take his time, maybe drink some water. After his second attempt, Carlito dresses down the crowd, telling them to stop laughing. Third attempt, “Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y… Ok!”

“Weeeeeelllllll!” here comes the Big Show, and he seems none too happy about eating the ipecac apple last week. Carlito is yukking it up until Show gets in the ring. Matt attacks, but a frontal assault doesn’t do much good. Carlito tries to run, but he runs right into Show (Damn those decoratively placed palm trees blocking the escape route!) Before Big Show can do any damage, tho, Matt is back up in the ring with the steel chair and basking Show across the back with it. Carlito and Matt take their leave as Big Show is laid out. As Cole and Tazz are aghast at Matt’s despicable actions, we are off to commercials.

“The Following message was paid for by the friends of J”B”L.” He vituperates against Cena’s CD while standing in a somewhat ghetto location.

Back to the arena, John Bradshaw Layfield is out for a match against Scotty Too Hotty. Why do I get the feeling Scotty is going to be the sacrificial lamb tonight to demonstrate the brutality of the “I Quit” match?

J”B”L attacks and just pours on the offense until a Scotty leg up catches J”B”L in a charge. Scotty gets a bit of offense, but a superkick connects only to have J”B”L go off the ropes and level him with a Hades lariat. J”B”L back up, throwing Scotty into the corner and beating him down with the fisticuffs. Referee Charles Robinson tries to get him out of the corner, but when J”B”L won’t let up, Charles counts 5 and then calls for the bell, giving Scotty the DQ win. J”B”L grabs a mic and says that he doesn’t care about a DQ, because in 3 days there will be no DQ’s. J”B”L then decides to give Scotty the chance to save himself more punishment and say what Cena will be saying on Sunday. Scotty says no way! J”B”L instantly goes into massive pummel mode. Scotty tossed out of the ring, and after a shot to the ring steps, J”B”L grabs the time keepers belt and starts whipping Scotty. He takes the buckle and grinds it into Scotty’s face, and finally, Scotty says I Quit. J”B”L throws the belt away, reiterates that Cena will be saying the same on Sunday, and we are off to commercials.

Back, and John Cena threw out the first pitch at a Red Sox game.

Backstage, Booker T and Sharmell are voicing their grievances to Theodore Long. Booker wants Kurt TONIGHT! Teddy says no can do, because Teddy has banned Kurt from the arena because of his actions last week. As a consolation prize, Booker gets Mark Jindrak. Booker, is of course, not happy with this, and Teddy commiserates. Teddy apologizes formally, and says that Kurt will apologize via satellite, and if he is not genuine, then he’s suspended. Teddy asks if that’s good enough, Booker says no, and storms off.

Commercials.

Back, and Sharmell and Joy are talking when Mark Jindrak walks between them. As Joy walks off, Mark takes a second to tell Sharmell that she and Booker should cut Kurt some slack. Sharmell is all, “WTF?” and Mark says it’s not Kurt’s fault, it’s just that he’s always had a fetish for gutter sl * beep* uts. Sharmell goes ballistic and Mark puts his boot even farther down his throat until Booker shows up. Booker is in no mood for Mark’s stupidity, so he blasts him with a right hand and they brawl to the arena. It’s all Booker until they get to the ring. Somewhere along the way, Mark gets busted open. Booker controls for a few minutes, Mark is able to get a bit of token offense in, but he walks into a book end, which sets up the scissor kick and Booker pins to get the win. Booker is all intensity and he exits through the crowd.

Backstage, J”B”L is psyching up the Bashams when Teddy Long walks up. He tells J”B”L that he is not to lay a finger on Cena, or he’ll be hit where it hurts the most. J”B”L says he can’t take the match away, but Teddy says that he’ll be fining J”B”L. J”B”L asks how much, and I half expect Teddy to put a pinky to his mouth and go, “one Million Dollars!” but he just says, “Try me, playa, try me.”

Back from commercials, and last week, Eddie Guererro gave us his mission statement on his heel turn.

Eddie Guererro is out with Rey’s mask in hand. Eddie soaks up an “Eddie sucks” chant and sneers at the crowd a bit. He then turns his attention to Rey’s mask. He holds it up, gets angry at it, and then drops it and steps on it, grinding it into the mat with his boot. He takes his leave and we are off to commercials.

Back, and there was a Judgement Day press conference earlier this week.

Back, and Orlando Jordan is out to take on “Hei! Den! Heidenreich!” Heidenreich has a mic, and he says it’s time for him to make a new friend! He goes out and tries to bring a little moppet into the ring, but Orlando brings the dick and says nobody wants to be Heidenreich's friend, and to get in the ring so he can beat him. Heidenreich in, and Orlando jumps him to start. Basic offense to keep Heidenreich down, a couple near falls, Heidenreich comes back after a resthold. Orlando plays to the crowd, but this gives Heidenreich to hulk up and he gets a body slam, near fall, big boot, near fall, and as he works Orlando from the apron, Orlando gets a clothesline to knock him down. Orlando goes for a flying clothesline, but Heidenreich reverses this into the turn around sidewalk slam out of nowhere and covers for the 1-2-3! Heidenreich goes and gets the kid, teaches him the Heiden-walk, and as they celebrate, we are off to commercials.

Back, and we run down the hostilities between Booker and Kurt. The less said about this, the better. Rick said it best last week anyway.

Tazz and Cole run down the PPV card, and we are off to commercials.

Back, and Joey Mercury (W/ Milena and Johnny Nitro) is out to take on Hardcore Holly (W/ Charlie Haas).

Mercury taunts Hardcore with the title belt to start. Lockup, Mercury with the headlock, but Hardcore comes back with a shoulderblock. Mercury gets a boot to the gut, but Hardcore no sells and fires away with a couple chops in the corner. Hardcore goes up, but Mercury is there with a gorilla press slam. Mercury gets a neckbreaker, cover, only gets 2. Mercury locks in a head vice. Holly tries to fight out, but Mercury puts him down. Now it’s time for Mercury to go up top, but Hardcore gets up and crotches him. Hardcore goes up, and it’s SUPERPLEX time! Both men down, but Hardcore beats the count up and takes over with a Dropkick. Mileena tries to distract the ref and Nitro tries to interfere, but it amounted to a whole lotta nothing, as hardcore gets the Alabama Slam and covers for the win.

Raw Recap. Stuff happened.

Up next, Kurt Angle Apologizes.

Back, and we are cut to Kurt Angle (via satellite). He acknowledges that he is being forced to do this, so he goes on and gets it over with. You see, after Wrestlemania, he was on fire. He felt that he was on the fast track to the world title, but Booker derailed that. That sent Kurt over the edge, and well, he kinda got a little carried away. He is ashamed of his actions last week and is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really sorry. Booker and Sharmell, who are watching on a monitor, walk off in disgust at this point. Kurt then switches gears and states that now that he’s given what Teddy wants, it’s time for what he wants. You see Kurt had cause to call Sharmell a gutter slut last week. Kurt states that after the door closed and Sharmell was screaming, it wasn’t because of fear, it was because she wanted more. He says they kissed, and she even went so far as to fondle his privates. Booker has wandered back in and is slowly getting more and more furious at this. Kurt says that he enjoyed it, and that she was the one attacking Kurt. Kurt then says that at the PPV, Booker is going to scream, but because of a broken ankle. Kurt them promises that after he makes Booker scream, then he’s going to take Sharmell back to the hotel and make her scream and redefine the term “Spineroonie.” Booker seethes, has taken all he can take, and superkicks the TV off it’s pedestal. We are off to commercials.

Back, and Josh Matthews has John Cena cornered. John is being magnanimous tonight. J”B”L listened to his CD, so he’s going to read his book. He says it’s all right, flips through, says there’s chapters entitled, “How I make Orlando’s hair stand up” and goofs on J”B”L a bit more. Josh asks what Cena thinks of the “I Quit” match. Cena starts trying to talk, but josh interrupts and calls Cena a street prophet and tries to rap. For once, Cena and I are in total agreement when he says that Josh’s attempt was sadder than J”B”L’s sex life. Cena grabs the mic away and goes through the whole spiel of how J”B”L is rich and privileged and Cena looks out for his own. He tosses the mic and heads straight to the ring.

John Cena vs. The Basham Brothers (W/ J”B”L).

Doug starts; shoving match ends with Doug on his ass. Doug gets shoulderblocked down, headlocked, and shoulderblocked again. Doug forcing Cena into his own corner, tag to Danny, and as Danny comes in, Cena goes out. Danny makes chase, but Cena takes over once back in the ring. Cena has Danny in the corner, but J”B”L distracts and Danny gets a DDT and heels have the offensive. Quick tags keep Cena off his feet. Double clothesline puts Cena down and Doug locks in a choke. J”B”L has a mic now and is entreating Cena to quit. Danny working Cena over on the ropes and J”B”L is getting in his face. Cena dragged around the ring and getting the living hell beat out of him. Both Bashams in and about to do a double team move, but Cena jumps up and hits a noggin knocker. Cena up, and it’s time for the 5 moves of Doom: side slam, pump it up, knock Doug Basham off the ropes, 5-knuckle shuffle, F-U, and Cena wins it. J”B”L is pissed as he walks up the ramp and Cena, who has been beaten down for the past 8 minutes, looks none the worse for wear as he gives J”B”L a “you can’t see me.” Fade out, WWE logo, and we’re outta here.

Well, that was interesting. Kurt tried his hardest to salvage the suck. Did he succeed? A bit, but let’s just hope that at the PPV, the story is simply a good match, not Kurt constantly leering over Sharmell. Everything else was ok.

Anyway, see everyone at Hooters on Sunday, and I’ll see ya right here next week.